From the Shadows
by Hidden Circumstance
Summary: Ironman rescues a girl from a horrific scene left behind from Cross, a killer with unusual gifts. After finding out the girl has lost her entire family, the avengers decide to take her in. With everything that she's gone through, raising her won't be easy. TRIGGER WARNING: Self-harm, suicide attempts, PTSD, rape
1. Chapter 1

**I am so excited to share this story with you. Fair warning-this is my first story. I'm sorry for any and all mistakes in my writing. I also wanted to point out that the point of view changes between the main character and third person. I am putting a solid line across the screen to designate the change. There were some formatting issues, so I'm working to make sure that the changes are noted throughout the story.**

 **To avoid copying the same plot lines as many of the stories, my fic focuses on an original character, Jamie. Stick with it past the first few chapters as the Avengers begin to play a larger role in the story.**

 **I didn't follow any specific timeline. Vision is there so after Age of Ultron yet everyone is on friendly terms and no talk of the Accords so before Civil War yet Spiderman is part of my fic. Sorry, but I needed another teen in the story.**

 **Lots of angst and fluff. I would really love to hear any feedback you may have. I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing.**

Chapter 1

"Did you remember the napkins?"

Exasperated, "Yes, Mom, I packed everything while you were at work!"

"I brought my frisbee," my little sister Lizzy proudly offered.

Mom and I both smile at her youthful enthusiasm. She's six years old and being seven years older than her, I can still remember when she was born. At first, I was so mad at Mom and Dad for bringing home this little screamer who got all of their attention. It didn't take long though before I was just as enamored with her.

The park is so lush and green, finally looking and feeling like spring, who's beauty is intensified by the warm, bright sun. I look around and take in a deep breath, refreshed, "It's so beautiful today. Hard to believe it was only 50 degrees yesterday and rainy."

Lizzy runs ahead of us, "Let's have the picnic here, Mommy."

Lizzy finds the perfect shady, flat spot. Lizzy pulls her frisbee from her backpack and starts playing. "Jamie, come play with me."

"Be there in a minute."

Mom quickly stepped in, "Go ahead Jamie, I can set this up. I'll let you know when it's time to eat."

I shoot Mom a quick smile and run after Lizzy.

Lizzy and I take turns throwing the frisbee back and forth. __Wow, she's gotten so much better at throwing a frisbee__ , I think to myself. On cue, Lizzy throws the frisbee over my head. I chuckle at her timing and run after it.

Right before I reach the grounded disk, I notice a strange man wearing an all-black suit with a black fedora just standing there watching us as if waiting for the perfect moment. __So weird.__ He doesn't belong among the people wearing shorts and tank tops out enjoying the nice weather. The man in black looked down at the couple relaxing on the blanket next to ours and calmly said, "Kill her."

Without hesitation, the man grabs the knife they were using to cut cheese then stabs her over and over. I'm stunned, unable to move or talk. People are screaming. The man in black places several more demands that are quickly obeyed. I look over at my mom and sister who are holding each other, shaking. Lizzy is crying and my mom is screaming.

"Kill her."

I scream as a sharp pain shoots through my forehead. I hear a loud noise, then everything goes black.

"Wha…?" Cautiously lifting my head, disoriented by the ringing in my ears and the darkness, I wake coughing heavily. It's completely dark and the air burns my sore eyes. __Smoke__. People screaming and crying, sirens…"Oww," I sputter all of a sudden becoming acute aware of the pain in my head. I'm on the ground, on grass. __Grass, I'm…at the park?__ I think to myself trying to piece together the clues left behind. I pull myself up and fumble my way around the splintered and burning trees, picnic tables and people, __Mom…Lizzy before__ tripping over... Scurrying away, I manage to get back to my feet but am frozen, all I see is smoke and debris. __At the park, at the park, Mom, Lizzy, at the park…__

I hear a strange clanking noise like metal crunching through the splintered wood and rocks. Stealing a glance over my right shoulder, I try to comprehend what's coming for me. __It's Iron Man?__ I think to myself. __What? I think he just said something. I don't understand.__

Iron Man picks me up with the hurried instruction to hang on.

 _ _What? I don't understand.__ I see the horrific scene move further and further away. __Flying, I think I'm flying.__ __No, no, stop. Mom, Lizzy!__

Iron Man sets me down on the grassy hill away from the darkness but I can still see smoke other there. __Is that where I was? Mom…__ then everything goes black again.

The skin on my back and legs itches from the rough bleached sheets on the hospital bed. __How did I get here? Ambulance, yeah, that's right, I remember now.__ The chaos of the park is at the forefront of my mind but periodically I notice the doctors and nurses who frequently enter or exit, bustling around the room using various medical instruments. I haven't talked to anyone, my mouth closed as if it has never opened. The unwelcome intruders keep asking me questions while shining bright lights in my eyes and poking me with needles, but I only sort of hear them. I think they want to know what happened but I don't really know. __Smoke, fire, screaming, my head hurting, scary man in black. That's all I remember,__ I think, answering their questions in my mind.

The nurse introduces me to a social worker, __she looks nice.__

"What's your name, honey?"

I don't respond. Like I forgot how to talk.

"Your name's Jamie, right?"

I look over at her. __My name…Jamie. Yeah, Jamie, that's my name.__

Watching my expression, the social worker says, "Good, yes, your name is Jamie. The other day, you were at the park. There was an explosion."

 _ _Explosion…yes. Smoke, screaming, the man.__

"Jamie, you were with your mom and sister, right?"

 _ _My mom and sister…we were at the park...screaming, smoke, pain in my head. My mom and Lizzy are dead. They aren't here so they must be dead.__

"Jamie, I have some bad news. Your mom and sister didn't make it, they died in the park."

The social worker stopped talking. __What did she say? Yeah, Mom and Lizzy are dead…in the park…explosion…pain.__

"It doesn't look like you have other relatives. Is that right?"

 _ _Relatives? What?__

"Jamie, when the hospital releases you in a few days, your new foster parents will be here to take you home. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

 _ _Foster home. Mom, Lizzy…dark.__

"I'm going to go now. If you have any questions or want to talk, please call me. Here's my card."

The social worker holds out a card for me to take but I don't bother to reach for it.

"Ok, Jamie, I'll just put it on your table."

The social worker leaves the room and is talking to the doctor. I hear her say "trauma" and "foster parents."

I just keep seeing the same images over and over. That's all there is.

"Jamie, you have another visitor. It's, uhm, it's Tony Stark," the nurse gushes.

I look over and see Tony Stark standing in the doorway to my room. The nurse whispers something to him then Mr. Stark nods.

"Hi there, remember me?"

 _ _What? No. Tony Stark?__

"Maybe you remember Iron Man, that's me, I'm Iron Man. I pulled you out of the debris at the park."

I don't respond.

"Hey, I was hoping you could tell me about what happened there?"

 _ _The park…smoke…screaming…man in black.__

Mr. Stark waits, silent for a few moments but says, "Ok, maybe you will feel more like talking another day."

Mr. Stark leaves the room stopping to talk to the nurse in the doorway. I only hear a few words "no family," "foster home," "PTSD." Then, Mr. Stark looks back at me with a sad look before he walks away.

A few days later, a nurse comes into my room with Mr. Stark. "Alright Jamie, today's the day, you get to leave the hospital now."

I look at them but don't respond. __Foster home.__

Mr. Stark walks over to my bed, "Remember me?"

I nod.

Mr. Stark smiles at my response. __I guess he's happy I responded.__

"So, it sounds like you don't have a place to live," Mr. Stark remarks.

I look away thinking about the foster home.

"I was thinking…how about you live with us at the Avenger's compound. We could be your, um, foster parents. There are lots of people in and out so… What do you think?"

I don't respond.

Mr. Stark sighs, "Ok then, let's go."

I don't have anything to take with me. The social worker brought in an outfit for me but that's it. I follow a half-step behind Mr. Stark.

"You can call me Tony, Ok?" Tony pauses looking for a response, "You're gonna love it. There's always something going on and we've got some really cool stuff. Do you like to swim?"

 _ _Swim? What?__

"Well, we've got a pool, oh, and a screening room to watch movies."

 _ _Movies? Smoke…screaming…pain in my head…man in black.__

Tony looks back at me to find my expression unchanged. "Ok, well I'll just stop talking then."

We walk through the uncomfortably bright hospital corridors and to the automatic sliding glass door that leads to the hospital's parking garage. Waiting at the curb by the elevators and door, sits a fancy red sports car. "Climb in," Tony instructs seeing my hesitation.

I open the door and get in.

"Do you like the top down or are you one of those girls who doesn't want their hair to get messed up?" Tony playfully quips.

I look away without answering.

"My choice, great, I prefer top down," Tony says.

We drive for about an hour. The trip has taken us out of the city into the middle of nowhere. I wonder how much longer until we get there.

"We're here," Tony exclaims as if reading my thoughts.

At first, I only see the woods but something starts to emerge through the trees. __Wow!__ The Avenger's compound is a huge contemporary building. It looks like it's built with cement or at least it's a light gray color and has massive sections of all glass. It's built with curves and contours that almost match the surrounding hills. __It's amazing.__

"What do you think?" asks Tony. He looks over and takes my expression as his answer, "Yeah, it's pretty cool."

A large black jet flies low overhead and hovers over a patch of asphalt that begins to open up. I continue to watch as the jet slowly lowers into the below-ground hanger. "This is the Avenger's base camp and your new home."

 _ _Home? Mom…Lizzy…dead.__

Tony pulls up to the curb by the door, with a jolt from driving way too fast then stopping quickly. "Ready?" Tony asks with excitement. I nod then we both get out of the car. With a push of a button, the car drives off without anyone behind the wheel. I look at Tony stunned, __Wow.__ He flashes me a grin basking in my surprise, enjoying the opportunity to show off.

"Come on, let me show you around." I follow Tony as he walks through the main door. __It's so big.__ "This is the main entrance. The living quarters are this way." Tony casually points to the left, ignoring the stares from everyone in the lobby.

We walk toward a metal door on the left side of the entrance. Tony swipes a card and enters a pin number, the door beeps when the mechanism unlocks. He holds open the door for me, waving me inside first.

The living quarters feel homier than the main entrance and certainly more like a home than the building looks from the outside. The contrast between the office building like lobby just on the other side of the door and the home that's before me is astounding. As soon as you walk through the door, there is a foyer that opens up to a large living room. There are a couple couches, end tables with lamps, and a TV. The walls are minimally decorated with art. Tony continues the tour to a large kitchen with a breakfast bar that could seat six people with a separate dining area that houses a large dark wood table. It's informal but elegant at the same time.

Tony points out a separate corridor, "Down that hall is the game room, gym, pool, and screening room."

Continuing the tour, Tony leads me to another long hallway. "This wing houses all of the private rooms."

A few doors down Tony stops directing me to a beautifully decorated sign that reads, 'Welcome Jamie.' "This room is yours."

Tony steps back a few feet allowing me to enter my new room first with maybe a hint of excitement in his eyes. Once inside, I pause to take it all in. It's a nice size room, the walls painted neutral cream color with all of the normal pieces of bedroom furniture. It reminds me of a dorm room or studio apartment. On the right wall next to the door is a full-size bed with a plain gray comforter and two fluffy pillows. Next to the bed is a small nightstand with a lamp and alarm clock. On the other side of the room I have a row of windows with a desk and chair underneath.

"It's not much right now, but you can decorate it however you want. Just let me know what you like and we will pick it up for you," Tony offers with a kind smile.

Continuing around the room, I notice another room tucked away on the left side of the room. Tony chuckles when he sees my reaction, "Yes, you have your own bathroom." It's a basic bathroom but elegant too. There's a sink with a nice sized granite counter and a small bench seat with a large mirror as soon as you enter along the right side. On the left is a toilet and a large tiled shower with a gray shower curtain. Next to the shower is the entrance to a walk-in closet with lots of room to hang clothes and a dresser. I touch one of the shirts that are hanging in the closet. Tony seems to understand what I'm thinking, "We already purchased some clothing for you to get started."

I nod, surprised that they bought me clothes, pushing the thoughts of my old clothes out of my mind unwilling to deal with the grief that hits me every time I am reminded of something from my old life.

"Alright, well, you are free to move around the living quarters. You can have any food in the fridge that isn't labeled. Let me know if you need anything." Tony leaves and closes the door behind him.

 _ _I'm alone.__


	2. Chapter 2

**Trigger warning for attempted suicide.**

Chapter 2

Three days, maybe more, have passed since I arrived. I haven't left my room at all. Several people have stopped by, introducing themselves, otherwise, I haven't had much contact with anyone. I sleep, that's about it. I'm just sort of existing. With every passing day, I sink deeper into depression and loneliness. I can't stop thinking about what happened.

 _ _What happened? I don't even know.__ I want to know what really happened to my family, why this man killed them. It's all that I think about. It never goes away. I keep seeing the people murdered, hearing them screaming, seeing my mother's horrified face, then darkness.

Periodically, Vision stops in. I barely notice him anymore. The first time I met him he literally walked through my wall. I thought I was seeing a ghost, completely freaked me out. I screamed, wide-eyed, breathing hard. He kindly apologized for scaring me then tried to explain who and what he was but I'm not sure he even understands who and what he is.

A loud knock at the door demands my attention. __Argh,__ g _ _o away,__ I think but don't respond.

Only moments go by until Tony roughly opens the door coming inside my room a few feet before crossing his arms to address me, "Ok, so, what's up with you?"

I look over at Tony surprised to see him at all, flinching when he confronts me, "What's the deal, you've been hiding in your room for days?"

I was taken aback at first, __He actually noticed that I've been in my room__. I quickly recover from my surprise and look away.

"Still not going to talk? Why are you even here if you're going to act like no one else exists!?"

Tears sting my eyes threatening to consume me. __I don't want to be here, I want to be with my family.__

Hearing his harsh tone, Steve enters the room, "Tony, that's enough."

Tony shakes his head and huffs out of the room.

Steve walks over to the bed and kneels down to be closer to eye level with me. "Jamie, you don't have to talk to us if you don't want to. It's just hard for us to watch you hurting so much but not being able to do anything about it."

Steve's kind words touch me, bringing tears that burn as they well up along my eyes. I quickly brush them away then return my gaze to my hands.

Steve lets out a slight sigh, "Jamie, we all want you here and will be waiting for you when you are ready."

 _ _Tony made it pretty clear that he only wants me here if I'm happy and bubbly__ , I think sourly.

Steve lightly touches my chin so I look up at him again. Once I make eye contact he says, "Ok?"

I nod, being mindful to keep my tears from coming to the surface again. Steve waits a few moments then decides to leave me alone.

Vision murmurs, "I will check on you later," then closes the door behind him.

 _ _Wow, that was intense. I absolutely cannot cry, I will never stop if I let it start.__ My body begins to quake as emotion threatens to overtake me. Wrapping my arms around my middle does little to calm the shaking.

I'm not sure how much time goes by, the room is much darker now but I'm still curled up, shaking, and rocking myself. I don't know if Vision has been in to check on me or not, I guess it doesn't really matter. __Nothing matters anymore.__ I stop shaking as the thought washes over me, __nothing matters anymore.__ __I don't have anyone or anything left. My dad died years ago, all of my family is dead, I've lost my home, my school, my friends-there's nothing left for me here.__

With my mind made up, I frantically run to my bathroom searching for the perfect instrument. __Yes, this will work.__ I think to myself when I pull a package of shavers from the drawer. With my hands shaking and maybe some excitement, I break the top of the shaver and remove the razor. Holding up the blade in the light, I can't help but to admire how it shines in the light. I briefly consider what this means: __I can be with them again, even my dad.__

Gripping the razor, I sit down on the edge of the bed and look at my left wrist. __This will all be over soon.__ I'm still shaking some but I feel an odd calmness, the blade promising to make everything ok again.

Just before the blade contacts my wrist, Steve busts through my door, jumps behind me on my bed and grabs my arms to restrict my movement.

Enraged, I scream, "Let me go!" while trying to free myself from his grasp, but he's too strong.

"This isn't the way," Steve pleads with panic in his voice, "this isn't the way."

I try to stab the blade toward my wrist, but again, Steve holds my arms steady.

"No, stop! Let me go!"

He patiently maintains his hold, a tight grasp on my forearms with his arms pressing in against my elbows to restrain me. __Argh, I hate this!__ I scream again in frustration, then begin to cry.

My tears, the first sign that I've given up, relaxing my arms and loosening my grip on the razor. Someone removes the object from my hand then Steve's arms quickly wrap around me in a tight hug. We remain like this for a long time, me crying, him holding me.

I slowly calm down. I'm so exhausted. Then, the forceful denial of my plan hits me. __Why did he stop me?__

Like a flick of a switch I become enraged, "Why did you stop me?"

Steve allows me to move away. I jump up and yell, "Why do you care what happens to me?"

Calmly, Steve responds, "I don't know how to not care. You are part of this family now, it would really hurt us if something happened to you. We're not a typical family, but we look out for each other. We work together, we handle problems together."

I don't know what to say. __I don't want to hurt them. But, my family and that man and…I don't belong here.__

"I'm really tired," I seethe, arms crossed, trying to get him to leave.

"I'm not leaving you alone tonight," Steve quickly replies.

"We can take turns keeping watch. Like you said Steve," Nat looks at me to finish her sentence, "we handle problems together. Whether you like it or not, you're stuck with us." Nat smiles while saying the last part.

Steve smiles then turns to me, "Sound good?"

I nod annoyed by the thought of being babysat but feeling oddly cared for.

Nat smiles, "I'll take the first watch but I need to get a few things. Steve can you hang out for a couple minutes?"

"Yeah, sure."

Nat leaves the room to gather her things. Thinking aloud, I say, "I was prepared to die tonight, to go see my family. And now…" Tears well up again as I hide my face in my hands.

Steve sits next to me on the edge of the bed, "Yeah, I know," pulling me into a side hug. "You really scared us."

 _ _Us, aw__ areness hits me. I jolt up, asking, "Who all saw that?"

"Do you really want to know?"

I gulp, "Yeah."

"We were all in the living room when Vision came to tell us what you were going to do. Immediately, we all came: Natasha, Bruce, Clint, and Tony."

I raise my eyebrow at the last name, "Really, even Tony?"

"Yes, 'even Tony'," Tony protests from just outside of my view. "You're a good kid who's had some rough stuff happen, I know what if feels like to lose your family. I want you here with us."

I offer a slight smile feeling bad that I thought so little of Tony.

Tony ends with, "Goodnight" and leaves the room.

We sit in silence for a short time until Nat enters the room. "Alright Steve, I've got it from here."

"Thanks, Nat. I'll be back in a few hours to take over," says Steve before turning toward me, "Jamie, try to get some sleep. By the way, it's good to hear your voice. Goodnight."

Following a brief awkward silence, I say, "I guess I will get ready for bed."

"Ok. And Jamie," I stop and turn to look at Nat, "don't lock the bathroom door." Nat offers an apologetic smile but she's serious.

I roll my eyes but honor her request. I definitely don't want to test Nat.

I get into bed, afraid to fall asleep. The memories from that day continue to pop up unwelcomed in my mind.

Nat must have noticed my reluctance, "Make some room."

I move over then Nat sits on my bed near my pillow. She begins to hum a sweet melody while rubbing my forehead. __For someone who isn't a mom she sure is good at it.__ I think to myself. Within moments I begin to calm and drift off to sleep.

 _ _'Kill her!' 'Kill her!' Lizzy screams. Images of the odd man in all black flashes quicker and quicker. Lizzy screams again. I look over at her. 'Kill her!' The man in all black looks at me with evil in his eyes and begins to laugh, soft at first then builds. He abruptly stops and everything goes black. I look around, it's dark, I'm no longer at the park with my family, I'm alone, covered in blood. I start to panic and run but I'm not actually going anywhere. The man in black appears right in front of me. He reaches out while commanding, 'Kill her!'__

I scream and bolt upright in bed. Steve is by my side within moments but is careful not to startle me. "Are you ok?"

I'm breathing heavy, sweating and shaking.

"Jamie?" Steve says anxiously.

I shake my head, bring my knees to my chest and tuck my chin in.

Steve wraps his arms around me, "It's ok. It was just a dream."

It takes a long time for me to calm down. It felt so real, I felt like the man in black was after me and was trying to get me to kill people.

"Let's go to the kitchen and get some juice," Steve recommends.

Slowly, I nod.

Steve pulls out the orange juice and two glasses and joins me at the breakfast bar. "Do you want to talk about your dream?"

I shake my head trying to get rid of the image of the man in black.

"So, what's your favorite food?"

"What?" __Did Steve really just ask me about my favorite food.__

"Yeah, I don't know much about you. Favorite food seems like a good place to start."

"Um, ok. Pizza, I guess, with extra cheese and pepperoni."

"Yeah, sounds good, but it has to be New York style pizza, with thin, hand-tossed crust."

"Yeah, that sounds good," I say flatly.

"Ok, hmm, how about your favorite color?"

Responding to his questions almost hurts, "Purple. I'm really tired," I abandon my juice untouched, standing up to signal that I'm done talking.

"Yeah, ok," says Steve with a faint sigh, "come on."

I follow Steve back to my room.

"Ladies first," Steve says as he steps aside and directs me inside with his arm.

"I don't need a babysitter," I mutter walking past him.

"Maybe not, but I want to make sure that I'm here for you if you need me."

It's so annoying how he can take my argument and turn it into a kind statement. I walk into the bathroom looking for some space.

"I'll be right here if you need me," Steve says. "Don't lock the door".

Growling, __I hate this. Thankfully he realizes he shouldn't come into the bathroom with me.__

The isolation of the bathroom is welcomed, taking a seat on the bench next to the counter, my reflection in the mirror is unrecognizable. My eyes are dark with bags despite the hours in bed, my skin much paler than it should be, __disgusting!__ I check my drawer looking for another shaver. __Where are they, I know I had a full pack…they must have cleaned out everything that's sharp.__ An angry sigh escapes while I slam the drawer closed. The panic is back.

I hear a knock at the door. "I'm almost done," I say with a shaky voice.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," I bark at Steve wishing he would leave me alone. I'm so mad right now, tears begin to stream down my cheeks.

"I'm coming in," Steve says then pauses for just a few seconds. I assume he wants to give me a second to cover myself, if needed, before opening the door. He looks down at me, takes a few steps to close the gap between us, and kneels next to me.

"Jamie, let me help you."

"No!" I swipe my arm toward him without looking. He skillfully dodges me but remains in place.

"I'm not leaving."

Immediately, I retort, "Yes you will, everyone does."

 _ _Argh, he's being so nice, I just want him to leave.__ My goal becomes getting away from Steve, so I burst out of my seat moving around Steve heading straight for my bed. I flop down and pull the covers over my head.

Steve sits down on the chair across the room. A few minutes later, Tony stops by.

Steve immediately goes to meet him at the door, "Be right back," then they both leave the room and shut the door behind. I can hear them talking in the hall but I can't make out what they are saying. __No doubt they are talking about me.__ Steve cracks open the door and peeks in on me then returns to talking to Tony without completely closing the door allowing me to hear them talking softly.

Tony asks, "Want me to take over for a while?"

"No, I'm ok. I don't want to leave her right now," Steve whispers.

"Ok, see you in the morning. Call if you need anything."

Steve comes back into the room to continue his watch.

I'm not able to sleep. Every time, I close my eyes I see his scary face. I notice that daylight is slowly approaching. __I wonder if Steve is still awake.__

As if responding to my thought, "I'm still here."

Oddly, I'm glad he's still here; I feel comforted and cared for. "Sorry I yelled at you last night."

"It's ok, I understand," Steve consoles me. "Didn't get much sleep, huh?"

Pulling myself up to a sitting position, I respond without thinking but quickly change my mind, "No, every time I close my eyes, I see..."

Steve leans in, "What? Jamie, what do you see?"

I shake my head trying to remove the image.

Nat comes in at that moment, "Well good morning everyone." __Perfect timing Nat__ , I'm grateful for the interruption.

Steve and I both stare at her, no doubt with bags under our eyes, feeling tired physically and emotionally.

Breaking the silence, Nat says, "Looks like you two need some food. I'll make us breakfast."

Steve raises an eyebrow, "You're making breakfast?"

"You know, coffee, and I'm sure we have cereal or something," Nat smiles.

Steve lets out a small chuckle.

"Go ahead and get dressed and I will cook us some eggs and bacon, how does that sound?" Steve says with a smile.

"I'm not hungry, you go ahead," I mumble, hoping for some time alone.

"I'm not leaving you alone. So, we can either both go eat breakfast or we both stay here. I don't know about you but I could use a break from this room."

"Fine," I deadpan then go to the bathroom to get dressed, on cue I say, "I know, don't lock the door." Steve chuckles.

Remembering my time in the bathroom last night, I avoid looking at myself in the mirror. The closet offers all of the normal clothing but I decide to dress in sweatpants and a t-shirt with a hoodie. After brushing my teeth, we make our way to the kitchen.

"You're going to get tired eventually," I say walking next to Steve hoping to convince him to leave me alone.

Tony walks up from behind us to answer for Steve, "Lucky for you, there are five more of us."

I stop walking briefly, sigh, then continue to the kitchen. __Tony seems to be enjoying this, jerk.__

Curling up on the bench seat along the large bay window provides the closest opportunity of being alone. My thoughts of Mom and Lizzy fill my brain so I'm only vaguely aware of the chatter in the room.

Clint comes over to me, tapping my shoulder to get my attention. He presents me with a plate, "Bacon?"

I shake my head.

"What? Come on, who doesn't love bacon?" Clint smiles his biggest smile.

His enthusiasm is infectious, I reach over and take a piece of bacon and offer a smile that doesn't reach my eyes. __Clint's really nice.__ I take a bite, but I don't really taste anything.

Suddenly, one of Tony's control panels emits a loud beeping sound signaling danger. I immediately jump up panicked. Steve quickly jumps in. "Jamie, it's ok," Steve says, then turn his attention to the alarm. "Tony?"

"It could be our guy."

Frantic, I ask, "What guy!?"

"Jamie, we can talk about it when I get back. Right now, we need to go check this out," Steve cajoles while preparing to leave.

"What guy, is it...is it the guy who killed my family?" Desperation, fear, and panic engulf me.

"I don't know yet. We can talk about this when I get back. Vision, stay with Jamie."

"Of course, Sir."

The team runs off to face the monster leaving me. Five minutes ago, I would have given almost anything for them to leave but with the threat looming, I wish they were all still here with me.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Vision's attention is divided between what I'm doing and coordinating the Avenger's efforts. They discuss logistics and update their plan as the situation unfolds. __I can't take any more of this.__

I quietly sneak off to my room and lock the door. I'm too worked up to do anything. Not knowing what to do with myself, I pace back and forth, feeling myself drowning in fear and dread, afraid that I will lose them, too. __I can't lose anyone else. I can't.__

Pain, I need pain. My first thought is to check my bathroom, rummaging through drawers looking for something that I can use, anything that might work. Every sharp thing has been taken. I growl in frustration then notice the mirror in the bathroom, mocking me again as it reflects how pathetic I am. __I hate this mirror.__

Thinking for just a moment, I begin looking around the room for some way to break it. The alarm clock is solid enough that it should be able to break the mirror. It works, throwing the clock as hard as I can at the mirror causes the glass to shatter into dozens of pieces-some large, some small. I pick up the perfect piece, the piece that will provide relief.

I hear Vision touch the door knob, I scream, "Go away, now!" A whoosh of…wind maybe, rushes from me outward.

"Jamie, let me in," Vision says politely, yet firm.

I realize at that moment that Vision isn't able to come into my room. Briefly, I wonder why but decide to take advantage of the moment.

I rush to sit down on the floor next to my bed as the thought of Vision being unable to enter my room and holding the piece of mirror offer a feeling of freedom. With that, my body calms like yesterday, an odd calm. My mirror mocks me one last time, showing me my broken reflection, an image of my shattered life. Hatred wells up inside of me. I growl again at the awful image, grip the glass in my right hand and with a loud yell I thrust the mirror toward my wrist.

But just before I make contact, I sense Tony kneeling in front of me. This sensation of being watched of another's fear and sympathy, leaves me feeling unsettled and ashamed. Looking around the room doesn't reveal anything out of place, anything that should cause this feeling inside of me. But it's enough, I drop the glass and curl up, shaking.

Steve frantically pounds on the door. "Jamie, open the door, right now!"

Feeling disconnected and exhausted, I just let go. At that moment the door cracks open as if it was never locked but held shut. Steve hesitantly peeks inside. Then, seeing me on the ground, rushes over. "Jamie, what happened?"

 _ _What happened?__

Steve notices the glass with streaks of blood along the edges and panics, "Jamie, what did you do? Where are you hurt?" he pleads while looking me over covering each critical area.

Steve places both hands around my arms just below my shoulders, "Jamie, look at me."

 _ _What? Steve?__

Without an alternative, Steve picks me up and carries me to the infirmary.

* * *

Tony contacts Dr. Strange hoping he can help shed some light on how Vision was blocked from entering Jamie's room. After a thorough investigation of the bedroom and bathroom, he didn't notice anything that would have been able to keep Vision out of the room and account for someone changing their mind about suicide.

"We need to take a look back in time," Dr. Strange concludes. "Using the time stone can be dangerous but with the extenuating circumstances I think it's our only option."

Dr. Strange stands back along the wall just inside the bedroom door so he can see the long side of Jamie's bed where Steve found her. Everyone gathers in Jamie's room as if they were a CSI unit, except for Steve who's still with Jamie in the infirmary.

They all watch, amazed, as the day's events begin moving in reverse. First, Jamie drops the glass, then holds the glass by her wrist, breaks the mirror in the bathroom, frantically moves about the room crying and finally locks the door.

Time was then set forward, moving slower than normal time to aid with the investigation. Tony walks around and squats in front of Jamie to get a better view of her behavior. Then as if happening in real time, Jamie looks directly up at him which surprises both Tony and Dr. Strange. Time is promptly paused at this moment.

Bruce ponders, "Can she see Tony?"

"It's not possible for the time stone to change the past," Dr. Strange explains and resets time back to the present.

He remains quiet for a few moments while he thinks about the possibilities.

"I need to talk to the girl."

* * *

"Jamie, please talk to me," pleads Steve for the umpteenth time.

I refuse to respond, infuriated with him for interfering and bringing me to the infirmary.

The nurse comments from a desk along the far wall, "Sorry, Steve, she was given the highest dose of sedative that her body could tolerate, she's going to be asleep for several hours maybe even a full day.

Confused, Steve retorts, "But she's still awake."

The nurse comes over quickly, to examine me. "That's odd." The nurse skillfully checks the IV bag and the medication, "Hmm, everything looks ok."

Steve askes, "What is it, what's going on?"

"It's not possible that she's still awake. The medication should have gone into effect over an hour ago. Jamie?"

The nurse's question is met with my annoyed gaze and then me turning my head away. Since I hurt myself, my arms are strapped to the bed which only allows me to rest on my back. The forceful motion of turning away from the nurse causes my hand to bump up against the railing, making me wince. The pain medication I was given before then stitched up my hand must be wearing off.

"Jamie, please talk to me," Steve pleads again.

Fuming, I turn to glare at him but my gaze is met with sadness and fear in his eyes that immediately cools my anger. "I'm sorry," I whisper knowing that I caused him pain.

Steve lets out a breath that he had been holding while waiting for me to talk.

"Jamie, please talk to me so I can help you. What's been going on?"

Not being able to stand the thought of Steve being upset, I mentally prepare myself by briefly closing my eyes before I begin to talk. "I've been having flashes…memories…like snapshots from that day…my family," my voice cracks just barely speaking.

Steve is listening intently. He reaches for my hand to comfort me but stops before grabbing my wounded hand, instead laying his hand on my forearm.

"What happened there?"

My heart is pounding, fear is beginning to overwhelm me. __I can't do this__.

"Jamie." The soothing sound of Steve saying my name helps to bring me back to the present.

"It's over now. He can't hurt you here. But he can still hurt people out there," Steve says while motioning toward the window. "We really need to know what happened. Talking about it will help the memories lose some of their power over you too."

 _ _I don't want anyone else to get hurt.__ Closing my eyes, I begin to speak aloud the images that pop into my mind.

"I saw an odd man, dressed in all-black, wearing suit and hat. He kept his head at an angle so I couldn't actually see his face. He looked almost cartoonish." I shudder as I recall the image of the mysterious murderer.

"He walked up to people who were just enjoying the nice weather and…" I try to calm myself but fail, "… he, he told them to k-k-kill people and they l-l-listened!" Panic raises up in me, I clench my fists together.

"Jamie, stop!"

Steve swiftly, but gently, opens up the fingers on my right hand revealing fresh blood.

"He was so calm and so was everyone else, like I was the only one who noticed how awful this person was," I pause and shake my head, not wanting to think about the next part.

Steve, keeping one hand under my injured palm, touches my shoulder with his other hand to encourage and comfort me. "I know it's hard but it's important that we know what happened. This man has been killing people; he needs to be stopped."

My words play in my mind first before sharing them as I consider the possible damage that speaking them aloud may have. "He…he looked directly at me," my voice sounding strained. "He lifted his head just a bit so I could see him…s-s-smiling." My stomach feels sick. "He told me to," I swallow hard, trying but failing to control my breathing, "…to kill my sister. I immediately felt a sharp pain in my forehead," I say, rubbing my brow as I remember the pain. "There was a loud explosion; everything went dark."

I pause for a moment, allowing the memory to fade; however, my body continues to tremble as I reflect on the drastic changes that this man caused. "Everything is still dark, like I'm living inside of a shadow. That day in the park, it was so beautiful, it was warm, the sun was shining. But now…now, I can't escape the shadow from that sun."

Steve sits quietly while I talk, the weight of my story bearing down on him hard.

"I barely recall Tony picking me up and flying. Next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital. The social worker came to tell me my family was dead. But, I already knew, I felt it."

"Thanks, Jamie. You are very brave. I know that was hard for you to talk about, you did great," Steve reassures me.

The other Avengers enter the room with another oddly dressed man, his unusual appearance is alarming. "Jamie this is Dr. Stephen Strange," Steve introduces us seeing the fear in my eyes.

"Another doctor, why?"

Dr. Strange answered for them, "I am a medical doctor but more recently I have been studying the mystical arts. I want to ask you some questions about what happened earlier today."

Surprised, I say, "Really! I don't understand, what does the mystical arts have to do with me?"

"I don't know yet that's what I'm here to find out," he clarifies.

Furious that my guardians brought this weird man here to ask me questions, I attempt to cross my arms but embarrassingly the restraints keep me from moving much. A surge of anger remains barely contained just beneath the surface as the shame of my position grips me.

Dr. Strange inquires, "What exactly happened while you were in your room earlier?"

Not realizing that everyone had just watched my entire evening in rewind and fast-forward, I try to avoid the questioning, allowing the anger to emerge. "Why do you even care? I don't know who you are and I don't want to know. Mystical arts...," I seethe with contempt, "...whatever that is, sounds made up."

Tony chuckles and slaps Dr. Strange on the shoulder, "The kid's got a point, good luck with that."

"Yes, well, back to the task at hand. I haven't heard of anyone being aware of the effects of the time stone before."

I'm so confused. "What do you mean, what is a time stone and what does this time stone thingy have to do with me?"

Annoyed, Dr. Strange explains, "The time stone can be used to rewind and fast-forward time which we needed in order to investigate what happened in your room."

"Wait," I murmur horrified as the blood drains from my face, "…you all saw that?" I look around at them briefly noticing Bruce quickly look down and away when my gaze meets his. __I'm not sure who's more embarrassed, me or Bruce. At least he has the decency to know spying is wrong.__ I feel so vulnerable and violated. They've seen me so messed up.

Dr. Strange continues, "I don't really care about any part except when you paused and looked around the room right before you let go of the broken mirror."

I was taken aback with his brash confrontation and apparent disregard for my feelings. Tears stinging my eyes.

Steve looks at me, placing his hand on my shoulder to reassure me, "Please Jamie, this is important."

I hesitate for a moment considering everything that he said, but before I have a chance to speak, Dr. Strange interjects, "I don't have all day."

My anger is no longer contained. I firmly snarl, "Well I do. Actually, I have lots of time. I am strapped to this damn bed. So, I'm not going anywhere and from my perspective, you are the one who needs something from me."

Following a brief look of shock, Dr Strange smiles, "I like this girl."

His response helps me to relax. I recount the specific part of the evening in my mind, "I felt like I was being watched, that Tony was directly in front of me, but I didn't actually see anyone."

"You shouldn't have been aware of Tony watching or our presence in the room, because we were watching events that already happened, and yet you seemed to know."

"Sorry to disappoint," I fume, thick with sarcasm.

Dr. Strange continues without acknowledging my last jab. "Are you aware that Vision was unable to enter your room?"

His question takes me off guard, "Um…yeah, I did. I thought he could move through walls and stuff but he didn't come in."

"That's right, I can, but there was something like a forcefield surrounding your room. I wasn't able to penetrate it," recalled Vision.

Dr. Strange thought for a moment before disclosing his assessment, "I think you have some control over your mind, like a forcefield, that you can move outward to protect yourself when you feel threatened and you may be clairvoyant."

My shock turns to humor, "What? That's crazy."

Disregarding my opinion, Dr. Strange asks, "I would like to run some tests to figure out what happened."

"What kind of tests," fear evident in my voice.

"I want to see what happens when I try to access your memories."

I gasp, look over at Steve, who gives a slight nod. I need to feel like I have some control, some way to protect myself, "I'll do it if the straps are removed."

The nurse starts to interject but Steve interrupts, "Please, I will take complete responsibility."

The nurse throws her hands up in the air in disgust then turns and walks away. I smile as Steve unhooks the straps.

Dr. Strange tries to prepare me by explaining what will be happening, "Close your eyes. I'm going to do a brief spell that should open your mind so we can project your thoughts."

"What, no way!"

Steve, holding one of the straps says, "So you prefer the straps?"

I growl but Steve chuckles, yes, he had me on that one.

"Will you have access to all of my thoughts?" I ask, looking down feeling ashamed.

"Well, yes, but I will hone in on one benign event, perhaps breakfast."

"No! No, not breakfast," I say much quicker than I should have, "...not any time over the past month, ok?" I try to lighten the mood, "Maybe a school day or something where very little thought is needed."

Everyone smiles. "Fine, I will look for a school day from a year ago."

I have one last question, "Will it hurt?"

Dr. Strange rolls his eyes, "No."

I take a deep breath.

"Ready?"

"Ready," I reluctantly agree as I try to control the panic brewing just beneath the surface.

I close my eyes awaiting Dr. Strange's assault to begin. A surge of pain shoots through my forehead, then everything goes dark. I wake to see Steve holding me up with wild eyes checking for signs that I'm ok. The room looks like a tornado hit it.

"What happened?" The alarm noticeable in my voice.

Dr. Strange looks at me as if trying to solve a complex puzzle. "You seem to have impressive control over your mind, you can control what you let in and out."

"Um, ok", I said not sure if he answered my question or not, "What does that mean?"

He reframes his explanation, "It means that you were able to thwart my attempts to look into your mind. You were able to not only block but demolish the spell."

I feel the all too familiar panic beginning to rise, nervously I ask, "Really, what happened to the room?"

None of this is making any sense and no one seems to either have answers or be willing to share. I still feel light-headed from whatever Dr. Strange just tried to do but at least it didn't hurt.

I want to get out of here and sleep, __I'm so tired.__ "Steve, can I go back to my room now, please?"

He checks with the nurse who again throws her arms up in the air. "Fine but use a wheelchair. She was given a sedative."

Dr. Strange looks up in surprise to learn that I was so alert following sedation. Perplexed, Dr. Strange leaves without saying much, just something about doing research.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

We are both extra quiet on the way back to my room. Lost in thought, I stare at my bandaged hand and lightly touch my wrist. Steve interrupts my thoughts, "How are you doing?"

I shrug my shoulders. __I'm really not sure how I'm doing.__ I feel tired, confused, scared. __Apparently, now I can explode my thoughts or something.__ I really don't want to talk right now so I keep my response simple, "A lot has happened."

As if he could read my mind, "Your feelings must be all over the place after discovering that you can do that with your mind."

"Yeah, you can say that again, whatever 'that' is."

"Well, we'll talk more with Dr. Strange as soon as he has some answers, ok?" Steve reassures me, placing a hand on my shoulder.

I nod and return to looking at my hand.

"Jamie, about earlier. I heard what happened."

 _ _I don't want to think about this.__ I shift uncomfortably in the wheelchair.

"What was going on in your head? You were close to hurting yourself, real close, what happened?"

I let out a long sigh. "You all left to fight some 'guy' that I assume is the man who killed my family. What if all of you died too?" Tears begin to burn my eyes. "I can't lose anyone else."

Steve thinks about what I said for a moment before continuing, "So, you're afraid that we will all die like your family."

All I can muster is a simple nod to help maintain my composure.

"You're stuck with us. We already decided to make you part of this family," Steve reassures me.

"What does that even mean?" I demand feeling frustrated.

"Tony, Clint, Bruce, Nat and I are your guardians."

"My guardians, like foster parents?"

"Not exactly. Foster parents take care of you but the courts still have custody. We are guardians which means we take care of you and we have custody."

"Why did you do that?"

"We wanted to make sure you had a stable family. We didn't want you to have to move around to other foster homes."

"So, I have a mom and four dads?"

Steve chuckles, "Yeah, I guess you do."

"But I don't have any special powers, there's nothing special about me. I will never actually be part of this family." Rage builds inside. "Aren't you tired of this yet? Of me. Look at all of the problems I'm causing."

"Family is more than blood and it's definitely not about sharing a common job, it's based on love and support." Steve kneels next to the wheelchair and looks at me to see if his words are reaching me. "Jamie, we care about you and want to help you through this. That's family."

"Will you want me to leave when you catch the guy who killed my family?" I fret, afraid of the answer.

"No. You are my daughter now. That won't ever change."

I don't respond but I think Steve notices that I've calmed down. He pushes the wheelchair the rest of the way back to my room. I can't keep my eyes open any longer.

The next day, I wake up in my bed. Steve is sitting up on the cot reading the newspaper. He looks over at me and smiles, "Good morning or should I say good evening? It's almost six o'clock."

I respond with a simple "Hi."

"Are you hungry?"

I shake my head.

"Alright, maybe later."

For half a second when I first woke up, I felt normal again and then I remembered, my situation hit me like a ton of bricks. __My family is dead, there's something wrong with my brain, and there's a killer on the loose.__ The sadness and fear are back.

I almost forgot. "What happened with the man in black? Did you catch him?"

Steve moves uncomfortably on the cot, "No, we didn't, but we haven't stopped trying."

"But you all went after him. Was he gone by the time you arrived, was anyone else dead?"

Steve changes the subject, "I'm going to contact the nurse so she can come check you out, make sure everything is ok." Steve quickly gets up and left the room.

 _ _Why won't he tell me what happened?__

I don't cause more trouble. I wait in my room until the nurse comes, looking away while she changes my bandages. I don't want to be reminded about what happened. The nurse also wraps my hand so I can shower and helps me wash my hair. I look over at where the mirror used to hang then turn away quickly. I don't want to feel those things again. I'm so ashamed.

Steve returns shortly after the nurse left. "Hey, I brought you some dinner. Mashed potatoes and gravy, pork chops, and green beans."

I don't really feel hungry but I don't want to hurt him so I say, "Thanks," then quickly turn away, hiding my shame.

Steve moves to look directly at me. His gaze is uncomfortable so I quickly adjust to avoid his eyes. Undeterred, Steve places his hands on my shoulders and moves to look me in the eye, "Jamie, don't feel bad about all that stuff, it's ok, you've been through a lot."

I nod, quickly looking away.

Steve acquiesces for the moment, "Come eat."

My stomach starts to churn as soon as I sit down next to the plate sitting on my desk. "Maybe later, ok?"

Still conspiring, Steve presents another option, "I will let you off the hook for eating right now but you have to come with me to the game room."

Surprised, I respond, "What? Now?"

"Yeah, come on, let's go check it out."

We make our way down the hallway with the bedrooms and across the living room to the entertainment wing of the living quarters. This is so cool. There's an old school pinball machine, Skee-ball machines, video games, and "Air hockey!" I exclaim.

"Yeah, wanna play?" Steve asks, proud that he's found something that put a smile on my face.

"Sure!"

The puck pings around the table. Steve's holding back. I'm not sure if he's letting me win or if it's hard for him to control how strong he is. The score is 6 to 1. One more and… "Yeah, I win!" I shout as the puck glides into his goal.

Suddenly, I step back from the air hockey table, realizing that I was just having fun. __I'm having fun but my family's dead.__

Steve notices the immediate change. "What's going on?"

I shake my head and run back to my room, my tears already flowing. I hear Steve sigh as I'm leaving the room.

Steve gives me some time to be alone. I don't cry or scream. I don't think about hurting myself. I just sit, numb. __How could I forget about them so quickly?__

Steve coughs. __I guess being right outside my door is kind of like letting me be alone.__

I hear a knock at the door. I'm not sleeping but pretend to be, hoping that whoever is at my door will leave me alone. I hear another knock. __Nope, they aren't leaving.__ "Come in," I respond flatly. It's Steve.

"How are you doing?"

"Fine," sadness and shame thick in this one word.

Steve sits down next to me on the bed. "What happened? It looked like you were having fun."

I sigh deciding to answer, "I was having fun but then I felt bad about having fun."

Understanding crosses Steve's face. "Do you think your mom and sister would want you to feel bad, to never have fun again?"

I shake my head. Steve wraps his arm around me for a side hug. His comfort and patience overwhelm me and I begin to cry, "I miss them so much."

"I know you do."

A few minutes later, Tony comes to the door, "Hey Steve, can I talk to you for a minute?"

Steve looks at me to see if I'm ok.

I nod.

Steve meets Tony in the doorway, "What's up?"

"He's back. The team's preparing to head out." Tony looks over at me. "Steve, you better stay here with her, we can't afford to lose this guy again."

I'm appalled. __What did he mean by that?__

Steve retorts, "She'll be fine here with Vision."

Tony sighs, "Banner is already planning to stay behind to finish up the tests from the site. She could hang out in the lab with him."

I've heard enough to know what happened. They left the field to deal with me. I went out to the hall to confront them, "I'm fine, you can all go. I won't do anything while you're gone."

Steve looks to the ground, he didn't want me to know about this, he didn't want me to feel guilty. Tony stares at me for a few seconds then turns to Steve, "It's your call, Cap."

"You're going to hang out with Bruce in the lab. Come on, I'll take you."

I hate that I don't have a say in anything right now but getting to go to the lab piques my interest, so I go without a fight.

The walk to Bruce's lab is oddly exciting because I haven't been on this side of the compound before. There are several labs with various set ups. Some look more like they are for working with metal, others look more like they have chemicals or gases. They all look state-of-the-art.

As soon as Steve opens the door, he calls, "Hey Bruce, mind if Jamie hangs out here with you while we're gone."

Bruce appears uncomfortable but agrees, "Yeah, sure."

Steve smiles to reassure me then strikes a firm tone, "Be good, if you need help, ask Bruce."

I nod.

Bruce awkwardly says, "Hi, you can have a seat at the desk."

"Ok," I say then make my way over to the desk.

Bruce returns to what he was working on before I arrived.

"What are you doing?" I ask curious but also bored of the limited view from the desk.

"Oh, uh, I'm analyzing soil samples to identify the elements and compounds in it. Most soil has carbon, iron, oxygen, things like that."

"That's cool. The lab's impressive." I praise as I look around the well-stocked shiny room.

"Do you like science?" Bruce asks feeling more in his element.

"Yeah, but I've only had one science class with labs so actually seeing it done, experiments, that's on a whole new level," I respond.

Smiling, Bruce agrees, "Yeah, it is."

"Can I look around?"

"Yeah, just don't touch anything over there," Bruce says while pointing to an active work area.

I get up and walk around the lab moving from one machine to another. "I know you're busy now, but will you show me how these machines work sometime?" I ask while checking out one of the machines.

Surprised, Bruce agrees, "Uh, yeah, absolutely."

After a while, I start to worry, "They've been gone a long time, do you think they're ok?"

"Yeah, they're fine," Bruce replies.

Unsure, I ask, "How do you know?"

"They haven't called a code green," Bruce calmly replies still engrossed in his work.

I look at Bruce waiting for more explanation.

"Uh, the team's in constant contact so if there's a problem, we know about it right away. And, if there's a problem, they call a code green, meaning, they need Hulk."

Understanding, "Oh, right." Thinking about Hulk, I inquire, "What does it feel like to change into the Hulk?"

Bruce appears uncomfortable with the question. "Sorry, you don't have to tell me." I redirect the conversation, "I would like to meet him someday."

Stunned, Bruce says with a slight chuckle, "You want to meet Hulk?"

"Yeah, he's green and crazy strong but he's still a part of you so my guess is he also has a good heart. I bet he's a big, fun, teddy bear," I explain.

"No one has ever described Hulk quite like that before," Bruce chuckles looking at me with a slight smile.

"I don't think most people understand him. Not that I do, but I think people see something different and freak. If people always freaked when I was around, I think I would smash some stuff too."

Bruce thinks about what I just said for a few moments then smiles, "Yeah, maybe you're right."

"I know I am. Think about it, is Hulk a danger to the team anymore? I imagine he was at one time but now you all work together. I bet the team doesn't look at him as a scary, dangerous beast anymore but as a friend and capable fighter who's on the same side."

Bruce smiles then returns to his work. I look around for a few more minutes but then sit back down at the desk.

More time goes by and despite Bruce's confidence, I'm worried. The image of the man in black standing over all of their dead bodies is burned in my mind. The panic is setting in again, and like a train, I can't stop it. I begin to shake, my arms wrapped around my chest trying to calm myself.

Bruce notices the change in me, "You alright?"

"I'm fine," I growl, my breathing heavy.

"Yeah, it sure sounds like you're fine," Bruce says sarcastically then returns to his work.

My heart starts to thump in excitement when I notice a glass test tube on the table as I think about using it to cut later. Checking to make sure Bruce is paying attention, I reach over, grab the tube and hide it in the front pocket of my hoodie. Bruce stops typing briefly but doesn't say anything so I don't think he noticed.

A few minutes later, Steve shows up at the lab. "Hi kiddo, we're back. How did it go?"

"Fine," I mumble still feeling agitated but relieved. I just want to go back to my room, fake a shower, and cut with the hidden test tube. That will take the edge off so I can sleep.

Bruce also responds to Steve's question, cleaning off his glasses as he speaks, "I think it went well, mostly. Jamie, do you want to talk about the test tube that you took?"

I glare at Bruce, shocked. I really didn't think he noticed. I cross my arms, preparing for a fight. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Bruce clarifies so I know that he saw what happened, "The test tube you took from the table while I was working on the computer. I was watching your reflection on the monitor."

Angry that I was caught, knowing that I won't be able to use it later, I declare, "I want to go back to my room now," and storm out of the lab.

Steve steps in front of me blocking me from going any further then attempts to look me in the eyes. I avoid making eye contact with him. "Jamie, you're stealing now?"

Infuriated, I yell, "Oh, like everything that was stolen from my room, right?!"

Steve responds, "That's for your protection."

I hold up the test tube gripped tightly in my fist, "For my self-preservation!"

Steve holds out his hand and waits for me to place the test tube in his hand. I hold on tight, returning to crossing my arms. I already know I've lost this one but I refuse to give up on principle.

Steve firmly says, "Jamie, you can either give it to me or I will have to take it from you."

I refuse to move, not willing to give up the object that promises to ease some of my pain.

Clearly wishing I would have given in, Steve sighs, "Ok, have it your way."

Immediately, I drop to the ground to make it harder for Steve to get the test tube. Bumped from my hand, the tube breaks as it hits the ground. Steve quickly grabs me while kneeling on one knee to prevent access to any of the shards of glass, I start to kick trying to get free. Bruce comes over quickly and holds my legs. I keep kicking and manage to free a leg and kick Bruce, hard. He fumbles back and begins to change into Hulk. I stop fighting and watch transfixed as the transformation happens right in front of me. Steve moves to a defensive position preparing to protect me from him.

As soon as Hulk sets his eyes upon me, growling in anger, I jump up. "Steve, don't," I yell then step in between them facing Hulk. "I'm sorry I kicked Bruce," I apologize hanging my head regretfully.

Hulk reaches over and touches my chin, "Hulk not mad, Hulk big teddy bear."

I smile then give Hulk a hug and proclaim, "I knew it!"

Steve is shocked and confused.

Hulk backs away and changes back into Bruce. I wait without watching to give him privacy. Bruce, slightly embarrassed, stands but remains on the other side of the hall, somewhat confused and worried I think. I apologize to him as well. "I'm sorry for kicking you and for taking the test tube."

Bruce opens his arms offering a hug which I accept. "It's hard right now, I get it, just ask for help, ok?"

I nod, unsure of how asking for help would be effective.

Steve walks me back to my room. Just before turning down the hallway of private rooms, Steve breaks the silence, "That was nice, how you handled Hulk. You weren't afraid of him at all were you?"

"No, why would I be?" I ask but I know what others think about Hulk so I add, "Hulk looks scary so people treat him as if he's a monster. I don't see a monster. Bruce and I were talking about him today. What occurred to me was that he is still part of Bruce, he still has Bruce's heart. I described Hulk as a 'big, fun, teddy bear', apparently Hulk was listening. He just needs others to be patient and get to know him before judging. If everyone thinks he's bad, his actions are likely to appear bad."

Steve stops walking, and comments, "That's quite profound and true. You should also be more understanding and patient with yourself."

I look down avoiding eye contact and start to walk again, hoping to end this unwelcomed twist in the conversation.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

As soon as we arrive at my room, I get ready for bed. I'm still so exhausted that I readily fall asleep.

 _Explosions, people screaming. I start running to escape the danger but I can't seem to get away from it, like it's following me. The laugh, the man in black's laugh. I anxiously look around. He appears before me, I stare at him too afraid to move. Then he lifts up his hat and looks at me so I can see his face, but it's my face. I scream then look around to see all of the Avengers dead._

I wake up with a scream, drenched in sweat, breathing hard and fast. Steve, who was sleeping on the cot in my room, sits up immediately and comes over to my bed putting his hand on my arm. "I'm here. You're alright. It was just a bad dream."

I start to cry shaking my head. "It was me, I killed them," I whimper, "it was me."

Steve soothes, "No, it was just a dream."

"What if it really was me?" I look at Steve to gauge his reaction. "You know the mind thing, maybe it was me."

Steve considers this for moment. "We haven't actually seen an explosion, more like a strong gust of wind. Don't worry about it, ok? Try to get more sleep."

I lie back, staring at the ceiling. _Maybe Steve is right, I couldn't have done that, right?_ I lie awake in bed, reminded about Steve's conversation with Tony.

"Steve?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry that I made you come back yesterday, I know how important it is to catch this guy. I just wasn't thinking. It really never occurred to me that Vision would contact you," I apologize.

"You're important to us, Jamie. We're not going to let anything happen to you."

"I know but I can't help but to wonder how many people will die because you chose me," I tearfully admit.

"Don't think about it that way. We look after each other. Besides, we were able to adjust the plan so that Nat and I could come back here while the others continued the mission. There are plenty of us to go around."

When I wake the next morning, Steve is gone. I look around the room and see a note on my desk. So, I drag myself out of bed to find out what's going on.

 _Come get some breakfast. ~Steve_

 _Well, I guess I'm eating breakfast this morning._ Throwing on sweatpants and a hoodie again, I head to the kitchen. Everyone is there going about their morning routine, Tony is eating egg whites, I think, while looking at something that resembles an iPad with Bruce. I'm sure it's not actually an iPad; I bet Tony made it. Clint is getting cereal out of the cabinet and Nat is looking through some papers. Steve is sitting at the breakfast bar drinking orange juice eating fried eggs and toast.

"Oh hey, look who's finally awake," Tony teases.

Everyone looks up on cue. I offer a slight, very awkward smile.

Clint holds up the cereal box and shakes it with a questioning look. I smile and nod. Clint gets another bowl out of the cabinet and sets it down next to his bowl then pours Cinnamon Toast Crunch into both bowls. "Milk?"

I nod in response to Clint's question.

Clint puts both bowls on the breakfast bar and hands me a spoon. It's been so long since I ate Cinnamon Toast Crunch, I smile and take a bite. _Wow, I didn't realize how hungry I was._ I quickly take several more bites. "Whoa, slow down," Steve quips smiling fondly at me.

"Oh. Yeah. Um, sorry," I say wiping milk from my bottom lip, "I'm really hungry."

"It's alright, enjoy. It's nice to see you up and about," Steve comments.

Clint takes the seat next to me. "I love Cinnamon Toast Crunch. It's terrible for you but it's so worth it."

I smile, "Yeah, it's my favorite too. Hey Clint, will you show me how to use a bow and arrow?"

Clint smiles brightly, "Yeah, absolutely. I would love to teach you. It's about time someone else appreciates the art of shooting with a bow and arrow."

The others chuckle.

A teenage boy enters the kitchen from the main hallway. Tony is the first to notice his arrival.

"Oh, hey, Peter, perfect timing."

Peter stops in his tracks as soon as he notices me.

"Jamie, this is Peter Parker. Peter, this is Jamie."

"Uhh…," is all that Peter is able to get out.

"Jamie lives here now." Tony looks over at Peter who remains unmoved, "Say 'hi' Peter."

"Hi Peter," Peter echoes.

I let out a small chuckle. Peter just stares at me moving his lips without making any sounds. I look at him for a moment and decide to throw him a bone. I get up from my seat and begin to walk out of the kitchen and say without stopping or looking back, "Come on Parker, let's go to the game room."

"Uhh…" Peter tries to talk but is briefly speechless, then manages to shakily spit out, "Coming."

Peter runs to catch up with me. I hear the others chuckling in the kitchen.

"So, what's your thing," I ask Peter wondering why he is at the compound.

"Oh, well, I don't think I'm supposed to tell anyone."

"Didn't you hear Tony," I recall, "I live here now. I already know who everyone else is."

Peter thinks for a moment then fills me in on the secret, "Oh, yeah. I guess it's ok then. I'm Spiderman."

Surprised, "Really! Wow, you saved that train from wrecking a couple months ago, that was so cool." Peter chuckles when I imitate Spiderman shooting his webbing like I'd seen on TV.

"So, what's your thing?" Questions Peter.

"Oh, well, I don't really have a thing," I explain. "I, uh…Hey did you know we have an air hockey table here?" I attempt to deflect needing to explain my situation.

Peter allows me to move on from the topic. "Really? I actually didn't know there was a game room here."

Noticing his backpack, I think about school feeling so removed from normal life. "Where do you go to school?"

"I go to Midtown, it's a tech school in New York. I have some calculus homework to finish over the weekend so I decided to bring it along to work on between training sessions."

"Can you show me?"

"What, my calculus homework?" Peter asks surprised.

"Yeah, I like doing math."

Peter smiles, "Me too."

When we arrive at the game room, Peter sets his backpack on the table and pulls out his calculus book. A lined sheet of paper marks his page allowing him to open it up to his assignment. Peter lights up as he explains and shows me how to do the problems.

"Can I have a piece of paper? I want to try some of the problems."

Peter rips a piece of paper from his notebook and gives it to me along with an extra pencil. "Thanks." We both get to work on math problems, Peter explaining when I don't know how to do a step.

"What are you two up to?" Steve asks as he walks into the game room. "Are you making her do your homework?" Steve chides protectively when he sees us doing homework.

I speak up, "No, no, nothing like that. I just wanted to try some of the calc problems, I promise I won't show him my answers."

Tony enters the room not far behind Steve. "You're doing calculus problems for fun, I knew there was something special about you," Tony says excitedly squeezing my shoulder.

I grin ear to ear knowing that Tony likes something about me.

"I guess we should think about enrolling you in school," Steve chimes in. He seems disappointed that he didn't think about me needing to go to school.

"Guys, come on, school's over in a couple weeks. I think it can wait until fall. But, I do like the idea of learning more math and physics over the summer."

Tony smiles, "I'm on it."

"What about me Mr. Stark?" asks Peter.

"Peter, you get to run some training drills on the holodeck."

"'Holodeck', you stole that from Star Trek," teasingly, I point out.

"Yes, but it fits, so you know," Tony explains smugly.

I laugh.

"Talk to you later?" asks Peter hopefully when he finishes putting his papers back in his book.

"Yeah, sure."

Tony and Peter head to the holodeck leaving Steve and I in the room.

"Got a minute to chat," asks Steve.

"Sure, what's up?"

"We got test results back from the park. There weren't any materials on site that could have caused the explosion," Steve carefully explains. He gives me a moment to process what he's just said.

Concerned, I ask, "What does that mean?"

"We don't know yet and I don't want to speculate. We'll continue to investigate, I just wanted you to have the same information I have. Is there anything else that you can remember?" asks Steve.

Immediately, the flashes of memory begin to invade. _The weird man in black…killing…screaming…blood…Lizzy clinging to Mom._ My heart is pounding, I start to rock in my seat as the memory overwhelms me.

Peter bursts into the room, "Sorry, I just forgot my…Hey, are you ok?"

Embarrassed, I run out of the room. "Jamie," Steve calls but I don't stop running until I am in my room with the door locked.

A few moments later, Steve knocks on my door. "Jamie, please let me in."

"No!" I yell, "I want to be alone."

"I don't think that's a good idea. At least open the door, you can stay in your room if you want," Steve says trying to persuade me to open the door.

I don't answer right away.

"Jamie?"

"No, go away!" It sounds like Steve is walking away.

I lie on my bed crying. _I miss Mom. I miss Lizzy._ My life has become so messed up. I don't even know what day it is anymore. It's just 'after', after the day my family was killed…and it might be my fault. I stop crying as the odd, cold, calm feeling washes over me again. My mind is just blank. I sit up and bring my knees to my chest. I need something but I don't know what. I feel uneasy, unsettled, empty.

 _What's that sound? Drilling? What are they doing?_ The next thing I know my door pops off the hinges. "Hey! What are you doing!?"

Tony enters my room, "You are not allowed to keep the door locked."

I am so angry, I cross my arms and spit out, "You can't do that!"

"Yes, I can and I did. You either let us in or you don't get to have a door," Tony retorts, perturbed.

"Leave me alone!" I shout.

"You can't be trusted alone, you need to have a babysitter until we know that you're not going to do something stupid," Tony yells back.

Steve interrupts, "Tony!"

Tony looks over at Steve seething, "The door is open, you're welcome." Tony storms out of the room clearly angry with me.

Steve sighs, "I'm sorry about that, but he's right, you shouldn't be alone while you're upset. I don't want anything to happen to you."

I'm still mad but I can't yell at Steve, he's too nice. I forcefully sit on my bed, arms still crossed. Steve sits next to me but remains quiet. We stay like that for a long time.

It's still morning but I feel so exhausted. My arms relax, I move from angry back to numb. I don't want to deal with anymore of this so I move around Steve like he's a solid part of the bed, lying down facing the wall. I guess this is as alone as I can get.

Steve sighs, "I'll be back to check on you later."

I don't respond.


	6. Chapter 6

**Trigger warning for self-injury.**

Chapter 6

I skipped lunch and dinner. I don't want to face anyone or deal with anything. Hearing a knock on the wall next to my door, I think sourly, __Of course they won't just leave me alone.__ I didn't answer so Steve leaves a tray of food for me. I'm not hungry. My mind is racing. I am eager to talk to Dr. Strange about what is going on with my mind. __I need to know if I caused my family's death.__

Three more days go by without a word from Dr. Strange. During that time, I remained in my room. Steve continued to bring me food which I left sitting right where it was placed.

Steve isn't going to take no for an answer anymore. He enters unwelcomed with another tray of food, sits it on the nightstand next to me and plops down on the bed.

"You don't have to eat or talk to me, but, just so you know, I'm not leaving here until both happen."

Growling, I whip the covers up over my head with a huff.

Steve sighs, then mumbles, "Have it your way."

Next, I hear him humming 'The song that never ends'. __Oh, my goodness, he picked the most annoying song ever created.__ I try to pretend that it doesn't bother me. __Oh no, this is going to get stuck in my head.__

"Ok, ok you win," I submit throwing the covers down, "just stop humming that song, please."

Steve shows his biggest smile and hands me a French fry. I growl but accept the fry and take a small bite.

"Is Dr. Strange back yet?"

Steve shakes his head, "But he will. You've really stumped him, which is something that he's not used to feeling. Don't worry about it. We will handle whatever Dr. Strange finds together. You're stuck with us now."

I curl up my legs against my chest, wrap my arms around my legs, and lay my chin on my knees.

Steve says, "You've been through a lot lately. I can't promise that anything will be easier but I can promise that we will be here for you, helping you, supporting you."

"Why would you promise that? You don't know what will happen, you guys are the Avengers, meaning you put your lives in danger for a living. Besides, I'm not valuable to anyone here, I don't belong here. I can't do anything special, even Peter can shoot webs. I'm not strong or fast or smart or genetically enhanced. I'm just me and I'm…"

I close my eyes to hold back tears or maybe to hide behind them. I don't want anyone to see how bad I am, I don't understand why but I feel like I'm an awful person. Steve moves closer and wraps his arm around me.

"I know you feel like you don't belong, but you do. You are not a burden."

"Sure, whatever," I say sourly. "Mind if I take a shower…alone?"

Steve hesitates, realizes that I don't actually want to take a shower. My goal is to get some time alone. He leaves the room anyway to give me some privacy but I'm sure he won't be far away.

As soon as Steve clears the doorway, I enter the bathroom and look around frustrated that everything's been stripped. They don't want me to have access to anything that I might be able to use to hurt myself. __This is ridiculous.__ __I feel like I'm in prison.__ I remove my clothes and get into the shower. My hand still has the stitches but at least I don't need the bulky bandages anymore. The warm water flows over me but the relaxing feeling just doesn't come. Nothing makes sense anymore.

The water runs down my forehead while I look at my hands. The screws that are securing the drain are calling out to me, making promises to help. __How can I get one out?__ I turn off the shower and get dressed quickly.

My search for something that might work to remove the screws leads me to the bathroom drawers. __Yeah, the flossers might work.__ The hard plastic does the trick after only a few tries allowing me to loosen the screw enough that I can finish unwinding it with my fingers.

I pull the screw out and look at the point on the tip. This is the closest that I've felt something other than anger or sadness for the past few weeks. I firmly grip the screw and forcefully drag it across the skin on my legs; hidden so no one will notice what I'm doing.

It hurts a little. I do it again, harder. __Yeah, that's it.__ Seeing the blood is exhilarating. I drag the screw across my legs over and over until I'm satiated. My legs are covered in blood. I rub my finger across my leg through the blood. __Whoa, what have I done?__ I think feeling excited and relaxed.

I hear a knock at the door. __It's Nat, shit!__

"Jamie, what are you doing in there?"

"Just took a shower, I'll be out in a minute," I say feeling jittery.

 _ _Ugh,__ she knows something is off, I can tell in her voice. "Jamie, are you alright?"

I need to control my voice, "Yeah, I'm fine, just getting dressed."

"I'll give you another minute or so then I'm coming in."

I swiftly rummage through the drawers looking for some kind of bandage or something to cover my legs. I manage to finish putting on my pajama pants right as Nat opens the door, but I wasn't able to find bandages to cover the bleeding wounds on my legs. I will have to try to get into bed before blood starts to seep through my pants and someone notices.

"Jamie, are you ok?" Nat looks me in the eyes while I think of how to answer, concern evident in her voice.

Attempting to avoid her glare, I simply remark, "Yeah, I'm fine, just tired." I sneak around her hoping to get into bed before this goes any further but she stops me by putting her hand on my shoulder. Once I look up she just stares at me, t _ _his is so uncomfortable.__ Her gaze feels like a laser, baring into my mind. I can't help but to squirm.

"Why won't you look at me?" Nat interrogates.

Anger building in me again, "I don't have to look at you! Leave me alone."

Nat immediately begins to check the bathroom looking for clues so I take the opportunity to get into bed covering my legs.

Steve comes into my room, immediately heading into the bathroom to meet up with Nat. The covers won't be able to keep me safe from their scrutiny for long, but I continue to hide under the covers facing the wall hoping to avoid interacting with either of them. They are only in the bathroom for another minute or so.

Steve asks quietly, "What did you do while you were in the bathroom?"

"I showered, now can I please go to sleep?"

Steve ignores my request, "There was a loose screw on the floor in the shower. What did you do while you were in the shower?"

I'm not going to give in, "I showered!"

"We can have Dr. Strange stop by and use the time stone again if we need to."

Appalled, I explode, "The shower is private, you would really watch me in the shower, maybe bring everyone in to watch!"

Steve cringes, I don't know if my words hurt his feelings or if he realized what he would really be seeing.

"Did you hurt yourself in the shower?" Steve pointedly asks pinching the bridge of his nose, barely holding on to what little patience is left since my arrival.

Turning slightly in the bed so my face is partially facing the ceiling, I ask annoyed with Steve's reaction and afraid that he will want to get rid of me, "You sound frustrated, ready for me to go to a foster home yet?"

"No and I won't. We are your family now, I feel like you are my daughter," Steve softly explains.

"I feel like you are my daughter too, we all feel that way," Nat shares, her voice turning softer as well.

Tearfully, I complain, "I can't be anyone's daughter. You shouldn't feel that way about me, I'm bad. My mom and sister are dead because of me!" I roll back over so I'm facing the wall again, tears flowing freely.

Steve and Nat sit down on my bed one by my head and the other by my feet. I don't want them to comfort me, "Don't look at me, just go away." __I can't take this anymore. I don't want them to love me.__

"We still need an answer, did you hurt yourself in the shower?" Steve asks.

Nat tries to comfort me by reaching over to give my leg and reassuring squeeze right above my knee causing me to wince. Steve sighs quietly.

"Jamie, show me your legs," Steve coaxes gently but unwilling to take no for an answer.

Anger builds up in me again, "No! Why won't you just leave me alone."

As if planned, Steve grabs my forearm and twists me so my torso is now against his chest and wraps his other arm around me holding both of my forearms tightly pressing my elbows in toward my body, at the same time, Nat grabs both of my legs just below my knees. I try hard to get free, but it's no use.

"Stop!" I yell hoping they will let me go.

Steve tries one more time forcing his voice to remain calm, "Now, are you going to tell us what you did?"

I struggle against their grasps, "No, don't!" I scream.

Steve nods and Nat pulls down the covers. There's blood soaked through my pajama pants. "Oh, no," Steve says quietly to himself then looks away.

Nat lifts up my pant legs. Panicked, I try to kick my legs and twist out of their restraint, I start to cry, "Please…don't."

Nat continues her examination unphased. When both pant legs are pulled up to right above the wounds, Nat looks over at Steve and explains, "There are about two dozen cuts on both legs. By the tearing, it appears she used the tip of the screw. I will need to get the first aid kit but I don't think she needs stitches. Got her?"

I am still trying to get free but my attempts barely disturb either of them.

Steve nods, then wraps his leg around my legs just below my knees to keep me in place. I stop fighting but cry harder. I feel like everything has been taken away from me. My family, my friends, my home, my school, my freedom, my happiness. I weep, mourning the loss of each critical part of what used to be me. All I have anymore is pain, fear, and these awful memories.

Steve starts to whisper in my ear as Nat cleans and dresses my wounds, "You are loved. You are wanted. You are good. You are fun. You are smart. You are caring. You deserve to be happy." He continues repeating these words over and over holding me tight. He is determined to love me no matter how much I fight it, no matter how much I hurt him.

"Please, stop," I cry, "I am bad. No one should love me, not anymore."

Steve continues repeating the phrases willing me to believe him.

Nat finishes bandaging my legs then Steve removes his leg from across mine but continues to hold me tight repeating the same infuriating words. Nat also stays.

I doze off into a light sleep with Steve holding me listening to his positive mantra with Nat keeping vigil at the foot of my bed.

"She needs to test us so she can be sure that we will be here for her," Steve consoles himself just as much as Nat, "We will get through this together."

"Yeah, but maybe we should take her back to the infirmary where they can really keep an eye on her," Nat suggests.

Steve shakes his head, refuting her idea, "No, she needs us; she needs to know that we are here for her no matter what, that we can help bear her pain without breaking. The infirmary will keep her safe in the moment but won't bring her any closer to healing." Steve pauses for a moment then sighs, "I admit, tonight was hard, I chose to let her in the bathroom when I knew she was at risk for something like this. It's on me."

Nat is quick to reject his hypothesis, "You can't watch her every second, especially since you're a man. Let me help more."

Steve agrees, "You're right, I can't do it alone."

When I wake the next morning, a slight groan slips feeling just as tired as when I fell asleep. Steve notices that I am awake, "Good morning."

Without turning over I say, "Good morning."

"Clint sent more Cinnamon Toast Crunch for breakfast," Steve informs me.

"I'm not..."

Steve interrupts, "Sit up and eat some breakfast."

After last night, I decide not to fight it, besides that sounded like his 'I mean business' voice.

I sit up in bed, wincing while moving my legs. Steve shifts in his seat uncomfortable with seeing me in pain, I guess.

Nat hands me the bowl of cereal. "Here's some milk," Nat says while pouring the milk over the cereal.

I am a little weirded out by all the attention. I've grown somewhat accustomed to having Steve there but Nat too feels overkill. I look from Nat to Steve trying to figure out what's going on. I think they are waiting for me to take a bite. I sigh then put a spoonful of cereal in my mouth. It doesn't taste like much, I really don't feel like eating. I begin to put the bowl down but Steve interjects, "You need to eat at least five more bites."

 _ _Wow, they are counting my bites of food like I'm four years old.__ I get the feeling now isn't the time to fight so I comply. I finish the five bites and put the bowl down. Steve seems disappointed that I didn't eat more.

Steve starts, "I'm sorry, it's my fault for not keeping a closer eye on you last night."

I try to interrupt to tell him it's my fault but he puts up his hand as a gesture to tell me not to talk yet so I close my mouth.

"So, for the time being, you are not to go or do anything without one of us with you."

"What? But, that's not…" again Steve holds up his hand to direct me to stop talking.

"This is not negotiable. Nat will go with you to the bathroom anytime you need to use the toilet, shower, or change clothes."

I cross my arms and look away but I don't argue.

"Please don't try to sneak away again to hurt yourself. This is the most protection we can give you without having you strapped to the bed again. I don't want to do that but I will if I need to. Understand?"

I don't respond.

Steve asks again, firmer, "Answer me, do you understand?"

I nod then start to cry.

"I'm sorry," I whine regretfully. "I didn't mean to cause trouble. Please don't be mad at me."

Steve sighs, "We're not mad, we're concerned. What happened that led you to hurt yourself?"

I decide to talk to them, hoping that if I cooperate they won't make me leave. "I've been going back and forth between feeling very angry and not feeling anything at all. It's sort of like a weird calm; I feel almost cold. I don't know how else to describe it."

Nat and Steve listen quietly while I talk.

After steeling myself, I continue, "Sometimes I'm so mad that you promise to be here for me because I know you can't really promise that. Other times I hate myself for wanting you to be here."

I pause, trying to get control of my emotions but it's no use. The words just spew out of my mouth as if on autopilot. "I can't shake the feeling that my family, that it's my fault." I can't believe I said that aloud, all I feel is abhorrence for myself. "I don't want to be happy, to eat, to do anything except punish myself." The anger is building inside of me, threatening to explode. "I want to hurt, I want to cut myself up." I pause again, trying to regain control of my breathing, trying to make myself stop. "Sometimes, I am overwhelmed with flashes of memories..." I flinch as the memories begin to assault me.

Steve and Nat join me on the bed in the same positions as last night, "Thanks for sharing that with us, when we know what's wrong we can help to fix it." Steve wraps his arm around me.

"Aren't you tired of me yet? I have been a problem since I got here. Have you even slept?"

"I'm fine, really. Besides, Nat is helping too. And I see what you're doing. You open up some then you push me away again. I'm not going anywhere and neither are you," Steve declares.

"You need a shower, clean clothes, and the bandages changed. Nat is going to stay in the bathroom with you. You can keep the curtain closed but be aware if she suspects that you are doing anything harmful to yourself, she will restrain you to prevent it."

"What can I do instead?"

Surprised, Steve considers the question, "What do you mean?"

I try to explain, "I needed to do it; I had to do something. What if that happens again?"

"Tell us so we can help."

"Right, like hold me down until I don't want to hurt myself anymore!?"

"If we need to, but we can help in other ways too, like listening to what's bothering you, giving you a hug, or even providing some sort of distraction."

 _ _Talking and hugging are not going to help.__ "Distraction? Like what?"

"I don't know yet, we'll think of something. Ok?"

I nod, "Ok."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

I just finished showering and of course Nat's there. Fortunately, she tries to keep herself busy, or at least busy-looking, so I can have some privacy. I walk out of the bathroom with Nat just a few steps behind. "How much longer do we have to do this babysitting thing?"

I complain but Nat retorts, "It's the first day."

I sigh, yes, it's only the first day, "Except for all of those other days leading up to this."

"That was different, you have even less freedom now," Nat quips with a big smile.

"Ha, ha, funny," I grimace, annoyed that she's right.

Steve walks into my room to check on me. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine," I answer but Steve looks over at Nat for confirmation.

Nat nods. Steve says with a smile, "Happy to hear it."

 _I like that I made him smile._

"Dr. Strange is here. He wants to talk to us about the research he did."

I take a deep breath then follow Nat and Steve to the meeting room. _It's so weird to have your work inside your house._ Nat enters first. I hesitate, trying to decide if I really want the answers. _What if I really did kill my family?_

Steve understands what I must be thinking, "We will handle whatever he says together."

I nod then take a calming breath before entering the room.

When I enter, everyone looks over at me. _Yes, yes, the freak is here._ I think to myself as I take a seat in the back of the room.

Dr. Strange begins, "Jamie was able to see or at least sense beyond her reality, beyond time, which hasn't been done before. The most gifted sorcerers are able to watch different times but no one from the past has been aware of it before.

"She also seems to expel some kind of force field from her mind. The test, so to speak, was designed to either affirm or reject that hypothesis. I expected that either she wouldn't be affected at all or we would be able to see her thoughts. Neither happened. She was able to shield her mind from the spell and then, as if trying to protect herself, reflect the spell back in a powerful shock wave.

"This phenomenon is mentioned only once where a sorcerer supreme was able to defend against this spell by using his mind. This young man was described as being mentally strong and incredibly powerful. Keep in mind that in order to be considered a sorcerer supreme you need to have mastered much of the mystical arts." I try to digest what Dr. Strange said.

"My guess is after the blast, Jamie has been struggling to maintain composure, highly emotional, with unwelcomed thoughts." My ears perk up. "The sonic wave that was expelled in the park and again in her room left her mind open, vulnerable, as if the blast was the result of blowing out a wall that was built around her mind."

 _So, it was my fault, the explosion, I did it_. I think to myself. I feel Steve looking at me.

"What do you mean by 'a wall'?" Questions Bruce.

"She has a protective layer around her mind that she can control."

Digging for more information, Bruce asks, "So not everyone has this protective layer?"

Dr. Strange thinks for a moment, "I imagine lots of people have it to protect themselves from highly emotional events, it's a defense mechanism, often found in people who suffered some trauma. But in Jamie's case, she is also able to use it to push away intrusions."

"The vulnerability you mentioned that follows using the force field, why doesn't the force field just return to where it was?" Clint asks, looking over at me.

Dr. Strange explains, "Think of the layer as a cement dam, the dam is made to hold back a lot of water so it needs to be strong. When intrusions occur, it's like cracks forming in the cement."

Bruce finishes, "…that weakens the dam and when a dam breaks, there's no going back, it needs to be rebuilt."

Dr. Strange offers, "I think we can train her to use this layer making it more elastic instead of rigid so it doesn't break but bends."

Continuing to analyze the problem, Bruce asks, "So the force field that occurred in the infirmary was just the layer that had been rebuilt to that point, meaning much weaker than the force of the initial one?"

That confirms it, _the explosion was my fault_. I inquire fearing the answer, "Could that first force field have been strong enough to cause damage like hurting people nearby?"

Steve speaks up not allowing Dr. Strange to respond, "Jamie, we don't know enough to make that assumption."

Dr. Strange realizes where I was going with my question, so he changes the direction. "It means that you have a special ability, a powerful mind that can be trained."

"A 'special ability,' it feels more like a mental illness," I protest.

"I think I can teach you to control it so you don't have the vulnerable aftereffects," Dr. Strange explains seeing my reaction to the news.

I remain quiet. _Control. I wish I had control before killing my family. Mom, Lizzy and Dad. I killed them all._

I hear Steve saying my name, "Jamie."

I snap out of my reverie and look around. At some point, everyone but Steve and I left the room. I return to looking at my fingers.

Steve asks, "How are you doing kid?"

"I did it, it's my fault."

"We don't know that, we don't have enough information yet."

I stand, make my way to the window, looking out at the woods without seeing anything but my own memories.

"When I was seven, my little sister was just a baby. My parents decided to take a day trip so they had our neighbor babysit us. Their son, he…uh…" My voice cracks, I'm unable to say any more, my mouth just won't make the words. I move on so I can make Steve understand how bad I am. "My dad noticed that something was wrong, that I was upset. He kept trying to get me to talk but I wouldn't." Tears begin to flow as the next part of my story is unveiled. "He took me with him to the garage to do a project together, no doubt still trying to get me to talk. While we were out there, the neighbor walked by and smiled at me. I froze, my dad figured it out. He told me to tell him what the boy did. I…" Crying hard, shaking, I try to finish the story, "There was nothing left, the garage, they said it was faulty wiring or something, but it wasn't, it was me. My dad died because of me, it's my fault."

Steve walks over to me and placed his hand lightly on my shoulder. I scream, "No, no, no," fear of the boy fresh in my mind as if reliving the horror. I hide in the corner of the room like a scared animal, squatting as low as I can go trying to disappear, tightly wrapping my arms around my legs, face buried between my knees, shaking.

Steve puts his hands up, trying to convey that he's not going to hurt me. He crouches down to be at my level to make himself appear less threatening.

At some point, Nat, Clint, Tony, and Bruce entered the room. They stay back, crouching, taking their cues from Steve who is unsure of his next move. Bruce signals to Steve mouthing, 'code green.' Steve thinks for a moment then agrees. Nat and Clint are alarmed not knowing about the earlier exchange between Hulk and me.

Bruce leaves the room for a moment to change into Hulk in private. A few moments later, Hulk quietly comes into the room and unexpectedly approaches me slowly and carefully.

I look up at Hulk who moves to sit next to me. His less than human form is less scary than the others. Hulk opens his arms, an invitation. I nod then climb into Hulk's arms, whose size makes me appear to be a little girl. I weep while Hulk comforts me. The team is dumbfounded, completely shocked by Hulk's nurturing behavior.

I look around as I start to calm down. Everyone is still here.

"Jamie, ok?" asks Hulk.

I nod.

Hulk puts me down. I immediately curl up with my knees to my chest, arms wrapped around my legs. Hulk puts his finger under my chin to direct my eyes to his then smiles, his way of saying he loves me. Hulk leaves the room to change back into Bruce.

Clint, still stunned, acknowledges the moment, "What just happened?"

Steve quietly responds, "I'll explain it to you later."

"How are you doing?" Steve asks me.

"I'm really tired, can I go back to my room now?"

"Yeah, come on kiddo."

I avoid looking at the others as I leave the room. I haven't felt more ashamed than I do right now. The weight of my father's death on top of Mom and Lizzy. _I'm dangerous._

"You're playing with fire having me around. I'm dangerous to everyone."

"We can train you to control it."

"How can you train me when no one even knows what's going on?"

Steve remains quiet.

"I'm having that odd, cold, calm feeling again. I would really like to have my razor back now," I ask looking away in shame.

Steve quickly replies, "Sorry, we need to find another way to deal with it. How about air hockey?"

I begin to explode, "Air hockey, no I don't want to play air hockey!" I try to control my rage, maybe if Steve sees that I'm not angry he will give in. "Really, just five minutes with the razor will help me feel better. Please." I feel panic brewing, tears are beginning to sear my eyes, "Please."

Steve clearly torn, "I'm sorry, no."

My panic turns to rage, "Why are you doing this?" I scream then take off running down the hall. I need to get away, but Steve's too fast. He catches me almost immediately from behind and wraps his arms around me. "No, stop," I scream while pounding on his arms hoping to hurt him enough to make him let go. I kick my feet trying to get free. My right foot finds the wall, I push off with all of my strength. The force causes Steve to take a step back but he's still firmly holding onto me. I scream, "Let me go!", I growl, "I hate you!"

Tony, watching from behind, walks over to me and asks, "Like boxing?"

I suspend the fight and stare at him.

Tony continues, "Looks like you want to fight, let's take it to the ring."

I contemplate the offer.

Tony adds, "Unless you prefer being restrained."

Steve looks at me for my answer, I nod.

Steve helps me put on the boxing gloves while Tony suits up with protective gear. He was extra careful to wrap my right hand well so I don't reopen my cuts. "Be careful with your right hand, if it hurts stop. I don't want you to need new stitches," warns Steve.

I look over at the ring. "I've never boxed before, what do I do?"

Tony responds, "We're not actually going to be boxing."

Steve helps me enter the ring. Tony continues his explanation, "I will hold up a mitt and you hit it. Try it."

Tony holds up one of the mitts and I punch it. He holds up the other mitt and I punch it too.

"Good, now punch harder."

I continue punching the mitts as soon as Tony holds one up. This is fun and I think it's helping. I look over at Steve who is smiling and cheering.

I'm not sure how long we were at it but I'm worn out and drenched with sweat.

"Thanks, Tony. I think I'm good for now."

Tony removes the mitt from his right hand and puts his hand on my shoulder, "Anytime kid, besides you might have a future in boxing, you've got a solid punch."

Steve helps me out of the ring and asks, "How's that hand?"

"I think it's ok, it doesn't hurt."

Steve removes the gloves and unwraps my hands. "Yeah, it looks good." Steve smiles, "See there are other things to try."

I nod and look away.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Now that I'm calm, riding the feel-good endorphins that were released during the heavy workout, we head to the kitchen to quench our thirst. My anxiety and fear return when I notice everyone is glued to the television listening to the stuffy news reporter.

The news reporter is talking about the latest round of murders committed by normal citizens. "According to friends and family of the suspects, they are normal, productive members of society who seemed possessed at the time of the murders. There is no history of mental illness or aggressive behaviors. No information is available at this time as to why these murders are happening or who's responsible. The mayor will be holding a news conference at six."

Without looking away from the screen, Clint comments, "Feels like he's calling us out."

Nat responds, "Yeah, but every time we show up he just leaves. I don't get it, what does this guy want?"

Realization hits me hard as the blood drains from my face, "The man in black."

Pulled from his trance by my words, Steve reaches for my arm, "Come on, Jamie, let's go talk in your room."

Furious, I jerk my arm from his grip, "Wait, I want to know what's going on…"

"Jamie!" Steve calls firmly now.

Exasperated, I follow Steve back to my room.

I obediently enter my room, arms crossed, angry, "Now will you please tell me what's going on!"

Steve begins to explain, "The man who killed your family is Victor Cross. We've received intelligence that suggested he has been working on a weapon that can change someone's behavior sort of like mind control. We've only heard of single cases to this point, except the day at the park."

"So, this Victor Cross found a way to make someone kill other people, why would he do that and why didn't he kill me too?"

"We don't know why yet but we will get to the bottom of this, I promise." Steve comforts putting his hand on my shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze.

Steve's words are drowned out by the memory of the day playing mercilessly in my mind: the weird man dressed in all black, my sister's screams, the loud explosion, Tony yelling at me to get my attention, tripping.

"Jamie. Hey, Jamie," Steve calls to me trying to capture my gaze.

"I need a shower," I say flatly, remembering where I am.

Steve is immediately concerned but allows it since I was sweaty from boxing with Tony. "Ok, I'll call Nat," says Steve then quickly gets on coms, alarmed when I immediately go into the bathroom, "Jamie, wait for Nat."

I am on autopilot, feeling numb again. Steve briefly shares a recap of what happened then Nat enters the bathroom. Feeling extra vulnerable, I change into a robe while I'm in the closet that I remove once I'm in the shower with the curtain shut. The warm water runs over me but doesn't relax and comfort me like I had hoped it would. I remain like that for a while, not thinking, not feeling. I wrap my arms around my waist and slide down the side of the shower to the floor, bringing my knees up to my chest. All of my built up emotions erupt through tears and sobs.

"Jamie, are you ok?"

I hear Nat talking but I don't respond.

"Jamie?" Nat calls then opens the shower curtain revealing me crying all wrapped up in a heap on the shower floor, "Oh God, Jamie." Nat turns off the water and grabs my robe to wrap around me.

Steve apparently is waiting in my bedroom because I hear his anxious question, "Nat, what's going on?"

"Don't come in, I've got this," Nat quickly responds not turning her eyes away from me. Kneeling next to me, Nat leans in to wrap her arms around me, holding me while I weep.

After I calm down, she helps me stand up and walks next to me to the closet. She hands me various articles of clothing but remains turned with her back to me while I dress. She also redresses the cuts on my legs before handing me a pair of wide leg yoga pants.

When I'm dressed, I leave the bathroom to find Steve anxiously waiting in my room. Seeing my eyes lifeless and red, he quickly wraps me in a protective hug. Steve already knows what's wrong and seems relieved that I'm not hurt. There's nothing left to try, they will not let me cut myself.

"I'm going crazy, can we please get out of here for a while?"

"Sure, I'll get my coat."

 _It feels good to get away from the compound._

"So where to?" Steve inquires once we are in his car.

"I don't care, I just want to take my mind off things."

Steve seems to know just where to go. After a short drive, Steve declares, "We're here."

I look up to see where 'here' is. _Sweet, he took me to a batting cage. Perfect._ We get all of our gear and head out to our assigned cage. The smell of the leather and the sound of the bat cracking reminds me of my former life playing on the softball team. Although most of my memories incite sadness or fear, the memories of the grassy diamond are sweet filled with happiness helping me to feel at ease and energized. Watching me skillfully interacting with the gear with a big smile on my face, Steve is proud of his instincts to bring me to the batting cages.

After securing the gate behind me, I place my feet in the batter's box twisting the ball of my back foot into the ground more out of habit than necessity considering the ground of the batting cage is cement. The light on the wall turned green signaling the first pitch is about to be thrown, but I decide to hang back a step to get a feel for the pitching. The first pitch flew by me but it was easy to spot coming in a little high. I choke up on the bat and reset my front foot in the box, ready. Pitch, swing. I love the sound the ball and bat make when they collide. I hit ball after ball for several minutes until the red light appears indicating my turn is done. _That felt good._

"Alright Steve, you're up." I stand just outside the cage watching through the gaps in the chain-link fence. "Nice one!" Of course, Steve being genetically enhanced, he needs to hold back so he doesn't hit the ball into the next county. It's fun watching him try not to do his best.

I follow a long drive and notice a man standing on the upper deck just watching. "Steve," I yell but he didn't hear me at first, "Steve!"

Steve looks over and follows my gaze up to the creepy man. "Stay here and call Tony, get him down here now."

I quickly fumble with my phone to make the call. "Tony, hey, Steve saw that man from the TV; he went after him. We're at the batting cages."

Even before I had a chance to finish my sentence, Tony was on his way. "Just stay put, ok? We will come pick you up."

"Yeah, ok Tony, I'll wait here."

The next thing I know, someone come up from behind; everything went black.

* * *

"No, she wasn't there! I found her phone on the ground, that's it." Bruce is clearly upset.

"Alright big guy, stay calm," Nat tries to console him before Hulk is released.

Bruce takes a few deep breaths and runs his hands through his hair.

"Anyone else feel set up?" Steve asks frustrated. "Why does he want her?"

Tony is in the background working at his console trying to access video footage of the area. "Here! Yeah, they've got her. Damn, I should have stayed on the phone with her until one of us got to her!"

"Hey, it's not your fault. We were all in a hurry, Cross knew that we would take off after him and leave her unprotected, even if only for a few minutes. We will find her."

"Always the cheerleader," Tony replies sourly. "Well, I don't want to let go of the blame for this one yet, let's find her and nail this son of a bitch!"

* * *

"Ow." My head hurts, I attempt to rub my head but my hands are bound. _The man in black!_ My mind snaps awake remembering that I was just attacked. I look around the room and see a dark figure working at the bench. I start to panic.

"What do you want with me?!" My plea barely recognizable through the panicked tears.

Without turning around, my captor reveals his interest in me, "You possess an unusual gift my dear. Somehow you were able to thwart my mind control in the most amazing display I have ever seen. We were destined to meet that beautiful day in the park."

"I don't know what you are talking about, please let me go."

His response is a low, sickening, sinister laugh. "Let's play a game, shall we," he taunts then leaves the room.

Once the door shuts, I take a moment to assess my situation. My hands are shackled to the wall behind my back in a small cell of sorts, dark and damp. The moldy smell unsettles my stomach and I hear various crackles and other noises around the room like Bruce's science experiments.

 _Steve, where are you?_ Panic starts to overtake me; my heart is racing and my breathing becomes more ragged.

 _I know my mind can explode. He knows my mind can explode. Why would he want me around? I need to get out of here._

I hear a sound coming from the other side of the room and notice an odd smell. _It's gas,_ I think as I start to cough and am tugged back into darkness.

* * *

The whole team is on hand for the rescue mission including Dr. Strange, who believes he may be of use in handling Jamie's special ability as well as safeguarding the team against possible mind control attempts. Dr. Strange explains, "Cross may attempt to use the mind control weapon on you. I have placed a spell on each of you to block his access."

Tony continues with his surveillance while Dr. Strange is talking narrowing the search to a large run-down fort left behind from the Civil War. "Found them. It's old but still strong. I guess this guy thinks he's at war," remarks Tony after viewing the building schematics. "We are about fifteen minutes away using the jet, what's the game plan Cap."

"We don't know what we are going to find in there or what Victor Cross is really capable of. Stealth mode. Tony, run lookout from above, make sure no one enters or leaves. Hawkeye, find a high point and pick off anyone who poses a threat. Bruce, stay back with the jet, we may need a quick exit. Strange, we need more answers, keep working. Try to find out why Cross would want her. Natasha and I will get inside and locate Jamie."

Steve clarifies, "We aren't looking to engage Victor Cross today if we don't have to. We need more information before we plan an assault."

Tony turns away in disgust, "We need to stop him now. Look at what he has already done. My guess is those little murder sprees were his practice rounds. We can't wait!"

"We don't want to put Jamie in any more danger. We will get her out, recon, and regroup. Can you do that Tony?"

Tony walks away with an angry, dismissive wave.

Steve sighs then turns to look at the rest of the group, "Any questions?" The group remains quiet, "Gather what you need, we move out in five minutes."

Steve looks for Tony and finds him tinkering in his lab. Steve pauses for a moment to find the right words.

"Tony, I get that you want this guy, we all do. I just want to protect Jamie in the process. This guy has already taken the rest of her family, don't let him take her too." Steve waits for a moment to gauge Tony's reaction. "You promised her that you would protect her, remember, like a father would. Don't let her down."

The comment reaches Tony, taking the anger from him in one swoop. "Yeah, alright. Get her out."

As the jet approaches the target, Bruce survey's the heavily wooded area seeing the first signs of where Cross has Jamie. The reinforced fort looks fairly small at first but then more of the layout appears as they get closer. It's definitely an old structure, covered in overgrowth, broken or missing doors and gates, and no clear road that leads to the building. "Looks like a great place to hide," Bruce comments.

Dr. Strange subtly makes his way over to Steve with disturbing news. "I think he will try to use the weapon on Jamie so she can be used as a bomb."

Steve can't help the shock written across his face, "What do you mean? Her mind, I thought since it has been broken down recently that she isn't currently dangerous."

"Yes, that true, but he may have found a way to access her thoughts now that her protective layer is weak using his mind control weapon, then strengthen the wall."

Steve looks over at Dr. Strange alarmed. "What do you think he would do to her?"

"I don't know yet. Just be careful. Let me know if you need me in there. I might be able to help in some way."

"I guess this would explain why Victor Cross is so interested in her," Steve grimaces at the thought but pushes it out of his mind for now, he needs to focus.

"We're here, ready Cap?" Tony ask setting the jet down in a field not far from the fort's entrance. With SHIELD's technology, it barely ruffles the leaves on the nearby trees, allowing them to land unseen.

Dr. Strange stops Steve on his way out, "I will try to gather more information to confirm my hunch. If I'm right and I usually am, Jamie doesn't have much time."

* * *

My nightmares turn into nothing but blinding light, as I squirm trying to avoid the painful brightness that pulling me into consciousness. The source, a large light right in front of me. Instinctively, my hands begin to move to shield my tightly shut eyes but I'm not able to move any part of my body. My eyes slowly start to adjust to the light as my breathing becomes heavier from fear.

I am bound once again but this time I'm lying on a cold, hard, metal table with the head of the table propped up to about a forty-five-degree angle. There are thick leather straps across my forehead, chest, hips, upper arms, wrists, thighs and ankles. Wires like those used in hospitals are connected to various parts of my face and head. My head's limited range of motion, courtesy of the strap across my forehead, blocks most of the room from my view.

The room is small and quiet except for a buzzing sound from the light and a rhythmic beep from what appears to be some sort of medical equipment. It smells musky like the other room but without the other chemical smells.

Panic rises up in me refusing to allow my feeble attempts to keep myself calm from gaining too much ground.

"Hello?" I say tentatively, hoping that no one answers.

Looking past the light, I am able to make out a faint black figure standing in some sort of observation deck. Unfortunately, the familiar sadistically whimsical voice booms over a speaker positioned near my head.

"Oh, I'm so happy you're here and awake at last. I have been working diligently making all of this just for you my dear. Since our all too short and explosive meeting, I have been trying to spend some time with you. But you, my sweet child, are hard to get ahold of."

Any control I may have been able to muster is gone leaving me trembling. _What is he going to do to me?_

"I realized after meeting you that my weapon is vastly inadequate. I am only able to effect change with a person here and a person there. But you, my princess, are so much more powerful. Together we will be…magical," Victor Cross exclaims.

 _Magical…he's crazy._ I think as fearful tears flow down my cheeks.

"Yes, tears, my darling, for this there must be sacrifices, a most gloomy end to such a wonderful, charmed bond as ours. I'm so sorry my lovely, make yourself comfortable, this might hurt a bit."

 _Keep calm, keep calm, it's going to be ok_. Willing my thoughts to regain control of my body, repeating the mantra over and over hoping that through repetition it will become true.

I hear myself scream. The pain is incredible, I've never felt anything like this before. It's like he's using a laser to cut open my head. Adrenaline is pumping through my veins, trying to counteract the intense pain. That's really all I feel now, I'm ultra-aware of… _what is this, this sensation? I'm not sure how to explain it,_ _I'm flying and drowning, I'm not sure where I am anymore. Have I left the room?_ My eyes refuse to obey my command to open; my fingers are just as stubborn. I'm not scared anymore, nothing matters anymore.

* * *

A deafening scream is heard in the background, Nat and Steve look at each other briefly with alarm and understanding, Jamie is near and is in trouble. Both take off running in the direction of the shrill sound hoping they are not too late.

They reach a long corridor, Nat deduces, "Jamie must be down here."

Steve and Nat move quick but are cautious. They studied the layout of the historical landmark before landing, familiar with the corridors, able to make their way through the maze as if they were walking these halls for years.

"It's odd that we haven't been met with any security," Nat comments suspiciously.

"Nothing here Cap," Tony confirms from above.

"I'm all clear as well, are you sure they're here?" Clint challenges.

"We heard her scream, she's definitely here," Nat confirms.

Steve feels now is the time to tell the team about Dr. Strange's theory. "Strange thinks that Cross may be able to access Jamie's mind now that her protective layer is weaker."

Concerned, Nat asks, "What does that mean?"

"It might mean that he has found a way to use her force field," Steve explains not willing to use the word 'bomb' as Dr. Strange used earlier.

Nat and Steve make it to the end of the hall where they find a large metal door. Steve gently touches the door knob and turns. "It's not locked." Steve opens the door a crack to peek inside.

"Jamie's inside strapped to a table with a beam directed at her head. She appears alive but she's not moving," explains Steve.

Steve looks around and spots the observation deck where Victor Cross is working a control panel.

"Cross is upstairs in the observation deck."

Steve signals to Nat to stop Cross. She sets off up the winding stairs along the back wall before he even finishes giving the command.

Steve impatiently waits for Nat's all clear signal, understanding it's too risky to step in before Cross is disabled. The machine will need to be turned off before Jamie can be released, not to mention any movement from him could alert Cross to their presence and cause him to take action leaving Jamie in even more danger.

Steve hears Dr. Strange's voice through his ear piece, "Steve, I was right, Jamie is the weapon. Bruce found a power source that is off the charts. That's why there isn't any security here."

"Yeah, he's expecting to use her to blow us up," Steve says angrily trying to remind himself of the need to remain objective.

Bruce adds, "Not just us, she appears to have enough power to blow a hole with a fifty-mile radius."

"Fifty miles, that means…" begins Clint as understanding dawns on him and the team.

"Yes, it means we have to stop this or New York City will be gone," Tony mutters with the realization of what his words might mean. "He needs to be stopped regardless of who might get hurt."

The team is quiet for a few moments considering what they may be forced to do, who they may need to sacrifice.

Steve interjects, "Well, we will have to make sure that doesn't happen."

Dr. Strange warns, "Jamie will need to be brought back down slowly or she will explode."

Steve makes sure that the team is aware of the plan, "Nat, did you get that?"

"Yeah, that bastard. I'll take care of it. Cap, make sure you're at a safe distance and covered just in case."

"You're just going to have to be careful because I'm not leaving her. Take out Cross then give me the 'ok.' Maybe I can help bring her back."

Tony sets off to add another layer of protection around the building to help protect the major city if the worst comes to pass, "I'm going to set up a defense perimeter, just in case, maybe we can contain the blast." With the help of FRIDAY, Tony develops an electronic shield and places it around the building. "We're all set up here. Cap, be careful."

Steve watches the observation deck. He sees Nat sneak into the room unnoticed then she makes quick work of Cross, sneaking up behind him subduing him easily. She ties the man up and sets him along the far wall before giving the thumbs up in Steve's direction.

Cross taunts, warns her to be careful with an odd cheer and maybe adoration in his voice. "Jamie's beautiful mind is more powerful than anything I've ever seen. She has the glorious power to blow up this entire town and the next and the next."

"Shut up," Nat finds a rag and stuffs it in Cross's mouth. "I can't think with your yapping in the background." Now that Cross is quiet, Nat turns her attention to the various components on the control panel unsure of where to start. "Yeesh, Cap, I'm not sure this is going to work."

"You need to try. What about the laser, are you able to turn that off?" Steve inquires trying to help her prioritize.

After careful review of the console, Nat cleverly works the machine, and shuts down the laser allowing Steve to finally run over and begin to bring the young girl back.

"Jamie, it's me, it's Steve. I'm here with you. You're safe now."

 _Steve?_ I can hear Steve's voice, but he seems so far away. _I can't let him get hurt. I've hurt so many people already._ My guilt keeps me trapped within the confines of my mind.

"Cap, it's not working. It's almost as if she doesn't want to come out of it," alerts Nat now that she has a better understanding of the control panel and monitors.

"Jamie, please. You need to calm your mind or lots of people will get hurt. Calm your mind," Steve pleads, desperation thick in his voice.

 _What does he mean that lots of people will get hurt? Won't lots of people get hurt if I'm around? I hurt my family and I will hurt them too. I need to stay here._

"Cap, it's getting worse, you need to do something now."

"I know Nat, I know."

"Strange, do you have any ideas?" Moments later, Dr Strange is in the room with Steve having used his sling ring.

Strange explains the situation, "Cross greatly strengthened the wall that she has built around her mind and then put a crack in it. I'm not sure how but he found a way to harness and direct the blast. I can use the same spell as I did in the infirmary to try to give us a gateway into her mind. But, she will have to let us in for this to work. You should continue to talk to her maybe you can convince her to let us in."

"Do you really think that will work?" Steve asks.

"I don't know. But that's all I've got and we are out of time."

"Ok. Let's do it."

Dr. Strange begins the spell, pleased that he is making progress, "Ok, it's working. Are you ready? Keep in mind that we will be entering Jamie's mind; the normal laws of physics don't have to apply there, Jamie may also look different."

It takes Steve a moment to realize what Dr. Strange has just said. "Ok, I understand…I think."

The next moment, Steve and Dr. Strange are no longer inside the Civil War era fort, but are standing right outside of a closed, wooden door that is oddly well-lit without an obvious light source. The wood planks are splintered giving the appearance of a door that has endured harsh weather without upkeep. It's hard to explain, they aren't in a room per se. It's completely dark except for the free-standing door.

Steve grabs onto the door knob and attempts to open the door, "It's locked."

"Yes, Jamie will have to invite us in," Dr. Strange confirms as he reaches out to knock on the door.

"Wait, Jamie might feel more comfortable with me," Steve says as he remembers Jamie's comment about not wanting to train with Dr. Strange.

"Ok," Dr. Strange says as he takes a step back away from the door.

Steve moves forward and knocks gently on the door.

"Who's there?" Squeaks a small voice from inside the room.

Steve looks over at Dr. Strange for guidance on how to respond. "Just talk to her like normal."

Steve nods. "It's me, it's Steve, can I come in?"

A few moments go by in silence and then a voice is heard again but from just on the other side of the door. "Steve?"

"Yeah, baby, it's Steve, please open the door."

"I'm scared, I don't want to hurt you," the small voice laments, starting to crack.

"You won't hurt me, everything's going to be ok," comforts Steve.

"Yes, I will, I will hurt you like everybody else!"

"Why do you think you will hurt me?"

The voice yells, "Go away!"

"Jamie, listen, I already know what happened with your family. That wasn't your fault, you didn't know how to control your power. It's Victor Cross's fault. He's the one who made the weapon, not you. Please let me in."

Jamie is heard crying in the background, "I did it, I killed them. I'm so sorry."

Steve says with urgency in his voice trying to get the little girl to understand, "Jamie, Cross is trying to use you to hurt lots of people. He knows that your mind is powerful and he's trying to make you explode again. We can't let that happen." The crying softens. "It's up to you to stop him. Let me in so I can help you."

The door unlocks. Steve pushes open the door to reveal a young child, maybe six years old, with tears running down her rosy cheeks. He immediately scoops up the child and hugs her tight, smoothing her hair and rubbing calming circles on her back whispering, "You're ok now, everything will be alright."

She continues to cry but Steve's presence is helping to calm and soothe her. The girl lifts her head, Steve relaxes his hold so he can look at her face to face. She appears to be a little girl but she's definitely Jamie.

"You said that the bad man is trying to make me hurt more people. How do I stop it?"

Steve looks over at Dr. Strange to help with the explanation. Dr. Strange tries to patiently explain keeping in mind that he is currently talking to a little girl, "Your mind is very strong. The bad man is trying to make you upset so you will explode your mind. You need to keep calm, reign in your mind again, and when you are strong again, wake up."

Steve looks at Jamie assessing whether she understands him.

She nods, "Steve can you stay with me for a little while?"

Dr. Strange answers for him knowing that he doesn't know if he can stay or not. "Yes, Steve can stay with you for a little while but then you will have to finish on your own. He will be with you when you wake up, ok?"

Little Jamie nods, Steve gently puts the little girl down. Jamie reaches out and takes Steve's hand leading him to sit next to her on the bed. Steve wraps his arm around Jamie's shoulders so the little girl can lay her head against him. She closes her eyes and focuses on calming down, taking deep breaths following Steve's lead who is helping to calm her. She visibly relaxes. Dr. strange nods to Steve indicating that it's time to leave. Steve takes one last look at the little girl, placing a gentle kiss on the top of her head. Steve nods back at Dr. Strange then pulls both himself and Steve back to reality. Steve is temporarily disoriented but quickly moves to stand next to Jamie, waiting for any signs that things are getting better.

"I don't know what you boys did but it's working," Nat cheers, praising their success through the ear piece.

Relief has yet to set in for Steve as he waits anxiously for Jamie to regain consciousness.

Dr. Strange offers a rare a compliment, "I think we are out of danger now, good work. We should be able to move her now."

Steve releases all of the straps and picks Jamie up. He takes a moment to give her a squeeze and a kiss on the forehead then carries her to the jet, maintaining his protective hold on her.

Slowly, Jamie wakes up, clearly exhausted and confused, then looks over at Steve who is still holding her.

"What's going on? Was I dreaming? My head hurts. I feel like I was hit by a train."

"It's a long story, rest now," cajoles Steve, "I will tell you all about later."

As if on cue, Jamie passes out.

* * *

"Ahhh," the distressed moan escapes from my lips. I reach up to run my hand over my forehead, trying to rub away the headache. I look around and discover Nat sitting on the foot of my bed and Steve is coming over to sit by me on the bed. "How long have I been out?"

"Three days. How are you feeling?" Steve asks.

"Three days! What happened?"

Steve offers a smile, "We caught him, Victor Cross, he won't be able to hurt anyone anymore."

"Oh, that's good," my expression not matching my words, "but he wasn't the one who actually hurt my family. It was me, right?"

Steve sighs, "It was Cross who used the weapon on you. So, it's Cross's fault not yours."

I remain quiet while I decide whether to accept Steve's interpretation.

Bruce, Clint and Dr. Strange enter the room, having heard talking in my room, eager to welcome me back.

Bruce listens quietly as I express my fears.

"Steve, if I could unknowingly kill my family, what can I do to everyone else? I'm not safe to be around. I don't know what will set me off or how to stop it."

Understanding my fears, Bruce adds, "I know what that's like, being afraid of hurting people, of hurting people you care about, not being in control."

Bruce has my full attention.

"The trick is accepting that this is a part of you and learning how to use it to help others. Hulk and I share this body. I used to think of him as a parasite, a monster, that controlled me. But now, I understand that he keeps me safe and also desires to keep others safe. It's taken a long time to get to this point, but it's possible. Actually, Jamie, you taught me that."

"I don't know how," I confide.

"Train with me, I believe that with some work you can learn to control your mind and use it to help people," explains Dr. Strange.

"Maybe I will actually be an Avenger someday," I say with a smile.

Steve exclaims, "Count on it."


	9. Chapter 9

**Sorry, super short chapter. I initially wrote this to be multiple stories so this chapter is more or less the former epilogue. There's definitely more to come to stay tuned...**

Chapter 9

"No, no. Jamie, try it again." Dr. Strange critiques without offering any additional instruction.

"How am I supposed to learn how to do something without being taught how to do it?" I question, completely frustrated with this exercise.

"Did you do your reading assignment last night?"

"I only got through about a chapter. I don't understand what it's saying. Besides, Tony also gave me math homework and my science project is due at the end of the week."

"Yes, yes, I see. We will have to work out a homework schedule so you are able to get your school work and training assignments completed on time."

I sigh, frustrated with not being able to keep up. I don't hear Steve come in.

"Hi kiddo, how's training?"

"Steve, I'm so glad you are here. Can we please leave now?"

Steve looks over at Dr. Strange for his input who nods and says, "There isn't much that I can do with her if she doesn't complete the homework."

"I can't read and remember like you can. It's too much," I say in my own defense.

"Alright, sounds like you are free to go. I know how to fix a rough day…" Steve entices.

I wait for his response.

Steve smiles brightly, "How about stopping for pizza then a game of air hockey?"

Dr. Strange rolls his eyes at Steve's suggestion to play instead of study. I smile and nod emphatically, excited about the offer as well as Dr. Strange's reaction.

I gather up my stuff and eagerly walk next to Steve to his car. "Do you like working with Dr. Strange?"

"Sometimes, I guess," I say shrugging my shoulders.

"What do you mean?"

"It reminds me of what happened to my family. I already feel guilty that I hurt them and now I have to try to make my mind do that again. I don't want to hurt anyone else. I mean, I know the purpose is to do it so I will have enough control to make sure that doesn't happen again it just seems dangerous to try. I don't know, am I making any sense?"

"Yeah, that make sense. You're being asked to make your mind do the very thing that hurt the people you love. You know, you don't have to do this. Maybe you should take more time to deal with stuff first."

"I think that's a good idea. Do you think Dr. Strange will be ok with waiting?"

"I'll talk to him. Besides, with the control that you have over your mind, I don't think you will make much progress until you want to do it," assesses Steve.

"So, it's ok if I don't become an Avenger?" I question, afraid of the possible answer.

Steve stops and turns toward me so he is able to look me in the eyes, "Jamie, we love you just the way you are. You don't have to become an Avenger, you can do whatever you want and we will still love you the same." Steve smiles, "All of us have changed so much since you came into our lives. We have a chance to be parents to such an amazing kid. We're never letting you go." Steve puts his arm around my shoulder and we begin walking again.

I smile, feeling loved.

Nat is waiting next to the car. "What's up you two?"

"Steve said we could stop for pizza and then play air hockey."

Nat looks at Steve smiling, "Oh did he. Well, that sounds like a great plan."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

 _ _Ugh, I'm so over this homework assignment! Why do I even need to do homework? My school is at home, shouldn't all of that count as homework. I thought it would be cool to have Tony as my teacher for Calculus and Physics but he's tough. He acts like I should already know how to do this.__ "I need a break." My Calculus homework is abandoned in favor of a trip to the fridge. __Uhm, milk…juice…soda. Yeah, soda, that sounds good.__ The layout of the kitchen has become familiar enough that I barely look over at the cabinet next to the fridge to pull out a glass. I realize that I'm not as familiar with it as I thought when the glass drops to the ground and shatters. Tony comes running moments later to see what happened.

"I'm sorry!" I blurt quickly but it's no use. Tony's onslaught begins.

"What are you doing? Can't you even get a glass out of the cabinet without a disaster!"

 _ _Oh no!__ I immediately cover my ears and move back into the corner for protection.

"Hey, get over here and clean this up!"

Steve makes it into the kitchen in time to step in between Tony and me. "Tony, let me handle it."

"Yeah, you do that," Tony says sourly, then leaves the room mumbling something to himself.

"Hey, you ok?" Steve comforts offering to help.

I nod quickly keeping my head down and my ears covered.

"I'm going to clean this up. Take a few minutes to calm down."

I nod without leaving my spot, still too scared to move.

Steve makes quick work of the shattered glass and returns to check on me, the time allowing me to calm down some.

"Were you getting a drink?" Steve asks.

I nod.

"Ok, go ahead over to the table, I'll bring it to you."

I flop down next to my homework and angrily slam my book shut and swipe the notebook crossing my arms roughly against my chest.

"What happened?" Steve asks as he hands me my drink.

"It was an accident, I bumped a glass when I reached in the cabinet." With a few tears, I complain, "I don't think Tony likes me."

"Why do you think that?"

"Because he rarely talks to me and when he does he's yelling."

"Yeah, I can see where you might think that. But I promise Tony does like you. A lot actually."

"I don't believe you."

"Ya know, it was Tony's idea for us to become your guardians. He wanted to give you a family."

"So why does he yell at me so much?"

"I don't think he always knows how to respond."

My anger turns inward, "I guess I have been really bad lately."

"Not bad, you're just hurting. You haven't done or said anything that's surprised me yet."

"Really?" I ask suspiciously not buying his explanation.

"You have PTSD. That means you can get caught up in the scary stuff that has happened and have trouble dealing with it."

"I don't want to feel like this anymore."

"I know you don't. The more you talk to us about how you're feeling the easier things will get."

"Sometimes I can't. My mouth just doesn't work like it knows once I open my mouth something awful will happen."

"I understand, your body is trying to protect you. It will take time for your body to believe that you're safe now," Steve comments then digs deeper. "Have you been afraid of anything at the compound?"

"No, not really."

"What do you mean?"

With images of hurting myself and waking up from nightmares, I sigh heavily, "I think sometimes being here reminds me that my family is dead and…the images…from…" I shake my head trying to free my mind from the latest intrusion. "When Tony yells at me, I get really scared like I felt that day. I don't know why." My eyes search Steve's expecting to see disgust but I only see care and understanding.

"We are all still learning how to be parents, it's new for us just like being here is still new for you. Be patient with us while we are learning. Ok?" Steve asks, giving my shoulder a comforting squeeze.

"Am I really going to be living here until I'm an adult?"

"Yes, and you won't even have to leave then. You are part of this family now."

"Do you think I will ever be adopted?"

Steve hesitates, surprised by my question. He quickly recovers trying to cover up his initial reaction. "I don't know, do you want to be?

"Yeah, I think so."

Steve reaches over to wrap his arm around me, "Let's see how things shake out."

"Ok." I respond unable to ignore the shock in his eyes when I mentioned adoption. Redirection seems to be the best course so I change the topic to more practical issues, "Do I have to go to school, like actually go to a school building?"

"What do you want?"

"I don't want to deal with the other kids. Middle school girls are mean. Can I just be homeschooled at least for now?"

"Yeah, we've already been looking into options for you. Tony can teach math and Bruce can teach science, I can teach history at least up until World War II." Steve says with a grin obviously trying to cheer me up. It works, I smile at his subtle joke.

"We have actually looked into a tutor or online programs so we can make it work."

"Sounds good."

Steve takes advantage of getting something I want to drop a bombshell on me, "We also want you to go to counseling." Steve searches my features to gauge my reaction and notices the fear in my eyes, "Don't worry it goes at your pace."

"If I have to," I say while crossing my arms. I know I won't be able to get out of this one. There's another nagging question that I have been afraid to ask, but decide now is as good a time as any. "What will happen to me if all of you die?"

"Don't worry we have a plan in place for that too."

"What is it?"

"I think we should go for a ride, but I need to get Clint first."

"Clint, why?"

"You'll see."

We make our way to the hanger and board the jet. It's so weird to hop on a jet in your garage. "When you said we needed to go for a ride I thought you meant in a car, not a plane."

Steve and Clint smile remembering how odd it felt to have access to a jet for the first time.

"So, where are we going?"

"Come sit up front with me and I'll tell you about it," says Clint motioning with his head.

Complying, I move to sit in the seat next to Clint.

"You might be surprised to learn that I'm actually married and have three kids."

"Whoa, really?"

"Yes, but it has to be a secret between us. Tony, Bruce, Nat, Vision, Steve and now you are the only people who know about it. Oh, and Thor."

"Ok, I promise I won't say anything."

"So, if the need arises you will move in with my family. You will be safe there and Laura's a great mom."

"Ok. So, where are we going right now then?"

Clint flashes a huge grin, "To meet my family."

We spend about a half hour meeting Clint's family. His wife, Laura, is super friendly. She seems just as nervous to meet me as I am meeting her. She offers me cookies and milk which I eagerly accept. Clint's two older kids join me on the couch also enjoying some cookies. The oldest, Cooper, is about nine. He also has a daughter, Lila, who is about six and a baby boy, Nathaniel. The kids were super excited to meet me bouncing around, showing me their trophies, art work and favorite toys.

"Mom said you might sleep over at our house sometimes. I always wanted a sister. I only have brothers," the little girl exclaims with a sour face on the last part. Lila reminds me of my sister that both makes me feel sad and helps me to feel more comfortable.

After milk and cookies, Laura gets the kids ready for baths and bed.

"What do you think?" asks Steve once Laura and the kids are upstairs.

"They are all super nice. I think I could live here. Will I be able to get to know them better?"

"Sure, you can come back with me sometimes," Clint confirms.

"Is this where you go when you leave the compound?"

"Yeah, I try to stay home unless there's something going on where I'm needed," Clint explains. "Do you still want to learn to use a bow and arrow?"

"Absolutely," I say smiling brightly.

"Come on, I have extra bows in the back room."

"Wait, now? Don't you want to spend time with your family?"

"I am. I'm spending time with you."

"Ok," I say looking down, not feeling completely confident in that. But with the kids going to bed maybe now is a good time for Clint to spend time with me.

Clint goes through the different parts of the bow and of the arrow then shows me how to hold it. Steve watches from the side of the room smiling.

"Ready to go outside to shoot?"

"Yeah, let's do it."

* * *

With the kids in bed, Laura joins Steve who is watching Clint working with Jamie.

"She seems nice," Laura comments. "Guarded, cautious, she has clearly been hurt. Clint is really taken with her."

"She's a good kid. With everything that has happened to her, it's surprising how well she's doing."

"Clint mentioned that her family was killed by that Cross guy."

"Yeah, she was with her mom and sister at the park when Cross showed up. After she witnessed other people being murdered, Cross turned his device on her. She has some sort of mental power that was able to protect her in that situation; however, it also caused the explosion that killed her family. She carries around a lot of guilt from that."

"Wow, that's a lot to deal with for being thirteen."

"Yeah, it is." Steve sighs, "Her father was also killed the same way. She was molested by a neighbor when she was little. When her dad tried to get her to tell him about it, the same thing happened."

"Do you think that could happened again?" Laura asks concerned for her family.

"We plan to train her to have more control over the power. In the meantime, Bruce developed a device to keep it under control. If she's close to exploding, she'll pass out."

"Whoa, how does she feel about that?"

Steve gives Laura an odd look.

Understanding dawns on Laura, "Oh, she doesn't know. Well, I think you should tell her and soon."

Steve sighs, "Yeah, I know. I just don't know how to tell her without her feeling more guilt or like she's too dangerous to be close to anyone. We're just starting to make some progress with her."

"The progress that's been made is based on the trust that you've built with her. How will she feel when she finds out that you've been lying to her?"

Steve sighs, "You're right, I will talk to her about it as soon as we get the chance."

* * *

"Not bad, not bad at all," Clint praises after my arrow hits the target on the first try.

"I guess, but I missed the center."

"That will come with practice."

"Ok," I say, frustrated that I'm not automatically good at shooting.

"Go ahead reload and try again."

I pull an arrow from the quiver, thinking about each of the steps that Clint taught me. ' _ _Pinch the end of the arrow against the string, pull back on the bow, arms level with the target while lining up the length of the arrow with my eyes__.' With a final exhale, I release the arrow and hit the edge of the bullseye. "Yes! I did it."

"Wow on your second try, you're giving me a run for my money."

"Nice shot," Steve says while clapping, walking over to us from the porch where he and Laura were spectators. "Well, it's getting late, we should head back now."

I nod, grab the bow and quiver and head toward the house.

"Where are you going, the jet's this way," Steve says while pointing to the make shift landing spot in the open field.

"I'm…I'm putting the stuff away," I say unsure of myself, afraid that I've done something wrong.

Clint puts his arm around his wife, smiles and says, "Imagine that, a kid who cleans up without having to be told to."

I smile knowing now that I've done something right.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

-A Few Weeks Later at the Compound-

"Oh, hey Peter, how was training?" I ask observing my only friend rubbing his shoulder with a smudge of dirt smeared across his cheek and a pained look in his eyes.

Peter sinks into the couch, "Rough."

"How's your training?" Peter reciprocates.

"I didn't like it so Steve said I could stop, at least for now."

"Whoa really? I didn't know that you didn't like it."

Feeling the sadness and guilt return, I quickly change topics. "Want to watch a movie or play in the game room?"

Either Peter didn't notice my obvious attempt to change topics or he is gracious enough to let it slide. "Well, I would actually like to go walk around the lake. Want to go with me?"

"I'm not supposed to leave the compound at night unless I'm with one of the Avengers. They think I will be in danger or something." I roll my eyes, more because I'm embarrassed to have such rules.

Wanting to test his acceptance as an Avenger, Peter proposes that he take on the role of protector. "Well, I'm an Avenger. I can keep you safe…you know, if you need it."

"Yeah, I guess you are an Avenger. Ok, sure, let's go."

We make our way outside. It's a warm summer evening with a slight breeze, it feels wonderful. "I don't actually get to go out much. It's nice to have someone else closer to my age here. Steve said I can go to school or do homeschooling but I'm afraid that I might put others in danger if I go to school. At least with you, I know that you can take care of yourself."

Peter listens in silence, unwilling to risk my amicable mood just to gain more insight.

It's a short walk to the lake. The sound of the small waterfall along the edge is soothing with the breeze picking up a slight mist, I close my eyes to take it all in. "This is my favorite part of living here."

From behind, an angry voice shouts my name startling me, "Jamie!"

My heart sinks into my stomach, immediately falling into protection mode. I brace myself for danger.

"I'm sorry Mr. Stark, it's my fault," Peter jumps in to try to absorb some of the heat.

"Go back inside Peter, you have training in the morning," Tony says sharply without looking away from me.

"But Mr. Stark…"

"Now!"

Peter whispers sorry to me then heads back inside keeping his head down while walking past Tony.

"Jamie, why are you out here? The rule is you need to have one of us with you at night. You deliberately disobeyed me." Tony's shouts with a harsh tone that is intimidating and scary. Terrified, I cover my ears and drop into a squat to get as small as possible.

"Don't start that again!" Tony spits disgusted then briefly pauses waiting for me to respond. "Well, go inside!"

Steve runs over to us observing Tony yelling at me. "Stay out of it. She needs to learn to follow the rules."

Steve steps in between us as a human shield to protect me from the onslaught. "Let's take her inside and talk about it. Yelling at her isn't going to help."

Tony looks like he might punch Steve. "Fine, you go 'talk to her' but when she gets hurt, it will be on you."

Nat and Bruce arrive to hear Tony's sharp reply as he storms back inside. They walk over to where Steve and I are next to the lake remaining quiet, watching, ready to help if needed.

"Jamie, Tony went back inside," Steve says carefully, watching for my reaction.

Overcome with fear, my body continues to shake as I remain huddled for protection. Steve knows to approach me carefully, he stays low to the ground as well to appear less threatening. Nat and Bruce mimic Steve's posture. Noticing that Steve is unsure of how to proceed, Bruce decides to try approaching slowly while talking calmly so I know he is coming closer. His soft voice is comforting, allowing some of the fear to dissipate, my body visibly relaxing. Seeing the desired effect, Bruce settles next to me and cautiously puts his arm around my shoulders ready to back off if needed. His attempts are successful, I immediately begin to calm then reposition myself to snuggle into his embrace. Now that I'm calm, Steve approaches me, "What happened?"

"Peter wanted to relax after his training session so we came down here to the lake. I thought it would be ok since Peter is also an Avenger." I begin to tear up, "I wasn't trying to break the rules, I really thought that it would be ok."

"Yeah, I can see where you might think that. We really want you to stay inside at night unless one of us is with you. I think you are safe with Peter but we feel better if it's an adult."

"Ok," I acquiesce, still bothered by Tony's outburst. My body is still trying to settle but images of Tony yelling at me continue to linger, not letting me calm down. "Tony doesn't like me very much."

"He does like you, he's just passionate about protecting you."

I glare at Steve, "Yeah, right, more like he's passionate about wanting me to leave." I get up and walk back to my room. __Maybe it is time that I leave.__

* * *

Tony is working on some machine parts without actually trying to make progress, clearly still angry with Jamie for testing him and with Steve for interfering again. The rough clanging of metal as Tony throws down the wrench into the tool box warns Steve to approach with caution. Tony notices Steve coming and turns to avoid looking at him, then continues the earlier dispute, "She's going to keep disobeying if you keep jumping in to save her from the consequences."

"The rule was that she has to be with one of us, an Avenger, to go outside at night, she was with Peter, an Avenger. We cleared up the confusion about the person also needing to be an adult." Steve explains. "She's not at the point where she can handle being yelled at nor is she at the point where she feels comfortable and safe enough to willfully break the rules."

"Oh come on, she's being a brat. She has all of you fooled."

Steve thinks for a moment, "FRIDAY, did you record the incident outside with Jamie?"

"Yes, I maintain a constant visual record for Mr. Stark," the computer program responds matter of fact.

"Can you replay from the time Mr. Stark leaves the compound to talk to Jamie until he begins to walk back inside?" Steve asks. Tony rolls his eyes but turns to look at the screen.

"Yes, Mr. Rogers," FRIDAY responds and begins to play the events on the large center screen.

The screen reveals Jamie's facial features, her body posture, terror evident in all of her mannerisms. Jamie flinches as Tony begins to address her. He sees the episode as if it's completely different from what he experienced. Tony sighs in frustration at his own behavior. "I look like dad. I've been on the receiving end of that, I know what that's like." Tony kicks his toolbox, angry with himself. "I promised myself that I would never do that to my kids, if I ever had any."

"Jamie's upset, she's convinced that you don't like her, that you want her to leave," Steve explains. "You should go talk to her."

"Yeah," Tony sighs.

* * *

 _ _I need to leave, but I don't have anywhere to go? Maybe I should just ask to go to a foster home.__ I think to myself, upset that I have worn out my welcome. I startle hearing a knock at my door. "C-C-Come in."

Tony enters the room. I jump up, avoiding eye contact, breathing heavier, fear beginning to settle in again. I brace for more yelling. With his eyebrows furrowed, I notice the look of surprise and maybe sadness on Tony's face.

"Can I sit?" Tony asks in a calm voice.

"Uhm…yeah," I say but remain still while Tony sits down on the edge of my bed. Tony pats the bed next to him signaling me to join him. I hesitate for a moment unsure of what to expect but comply.

"I'm sorry that I yelled at you," Tony begins to explain. "That's how my father always treated me, no matter what I did or didn't do he always seemed angry with me. I was convinced that he hated me." Tony sighs, "It wasn't until a few years ago when I learned that he really did love me, he just didn't know how to show it to me. He wanted me to be successful so he thought he had to push me. He wanted perfection. It wasn't long until I decided that it wasn't worth trying anymore because I would never live up to his expectations. I don't want it to be that way with you."

Tony's confession was completely unexpected. __I didn't expect Tony to say any of that.__ __I know that I'm being bad, I deserved to be yelled at, right?__

"I really do want you here. You are special to all of us, we care about you, kiddo." Tony says while reaching over to pat my shoulder.

Overwhelmed with emotion from the event, from Tony's words, from my own guilt, I ignore his hand on my shoulder and go in for a hug. Tony freezes at first then wraps his arms around me placing a kiss on the top of my head. A few tears run down my cheeks, feeling loved and happy.

"You should get into bed soon, you have school tomorrow."

I nod smiling, "Thanks, Tony."

The next morning, I eat my daily bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch with Clint before heading to the makeshift classroom down the hall for my homeschooling. Tony and Bruce are already inside setting up an experiment. __I wonder what they're going to do this time,__ I think to myself full of excitement remembering last week's physics experiment. "Hi, what's today's lesson?" I ask entering the room.

"Oh, good morning. We are going to demonstrate how to make a simple electric motor with a battery, magnet and some wire," Bruce explains holding up the components he mentioned.

"Oh cool. Is Peter still here, he might really like to see this too?" I ask hoping to spend more time with a friend.

Tony smiles, "Well, he should be running through a training simulation but I can see if he is able to come over for a bit."

With the big grin that appears across my face, Tony brushes his hand along my cheek, pleased that he can make me smile. Bruce stays busy gathering up more materials so Peter can also make his own electric motor. Once Tony returns with an ecstatic Peter, Bruce begins to explain the critical parts of an electric motor and how the materials they collected serve each function and fit together. __It's so cool that I can make my own motor__.

After the demo, Bruce and Tony release Peter and I to work on the assignment. I really enjoy having Peter here to talk through the design. He's pretty smart but I'm able to hold my own even though he's older and has been going to a tech school. __Hmm, maybe I should go to the tech school too.__

"Nice work guys. Well, it's time for lunch. Who's hungry?" Tony asks after we each successfully test our motors.

The four of us make our way down the hall to the kitchen. Bruce pulls out lunch meat and bread for us to make sandwiches while Peter and I wash our hands. We sit together in companionable silence around the table with our plates. Steve, Nat and Clint enter after completing the morning training session with the new recruits. Steve smiles notices that we are all smiling. "Looks like that physics lesson went well. You joined in too, Peter?" Steve asks but everyone is interested in hearing the answer.

"Yeah, Mr. Stark invited me over," Peter replies after swallowing a big bite of ham.

"Actually, it was Jamie's idea," Tony corrects with a cheeky grin.

I notice Nat and Steve share a glance but I'm not sure what that's about.

"Peter, as soon as you're done here you should head back to finish up your training session," Tony suggests.

"Ok Mr. Stark, thanks," Peter says while shoving the last few bites worth of food into his mouth at the same time. "See ya later, Jamie." At least that what I think he said considering his mouth was full of food.

"Ready for Calculus?" I ask Tony.

"Not today, Jamie, you have counseling this afternoon." My good mood is instantly squashed.

"Can't I just pretend that nothing happened? I hate counseling. I always feel worse after," I complain now poking my sandwich.

Steve interjects, "It's important that you work through all of that stuff and learn better ways of handling it."

I groan and put my head down on the table dreading the afternoon. Nat and Steve sit down on either side of me. Nat rubs my back while Steve tries to cheer me up. "Don't forget, after counseling we go out for ice cream."

"Alright, let's go," I grumble feeling defeated knowing that I won't win if I try to argue it. "Steve, will you come in with me?"

"Yeah, I think that's alright."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

"Jamie, I'm ready to see you now," the curt voice of Ms. Cartwright calls from the receptionist's window.

I gulp trying to steal a few extra moments before starting my session. "Come on," Steve says softly while pulling me slightly from my upper arm to prompt me to stand.

Despite his gentle tone, I know he means business so I stand in response to Steve's physical encouragement. The all too familiar fear rising again, relentlessly. Just being here brings the awful memories back to the forefront of my mind.

"Jamie," Steve whispers right before leaving the waiting room, "I'm with you. Ready?"

I swallow then nod.

Waiting at the door to her office with an irritated look, Ms. Cartwright stands about six feet tall, almost as tall as Steve. She has short, dark, frizzy hair dressed in a drab gray professional suit. Steve's shocked reaction mirrors my own when I first met her, _I know, she doesn't look friendly or compassionate at all_. Her coldness is matched only by her overly clinical office. The room has inadequate lighting but not in a soothing way, that makes odd shadows. Her desk is a prominent feature in the room, sitting along the far wall with a large leather chair looming behind. A dark leather couch, that is not comfortable, sits adjacent to the desk. Ms. Cartwright eyes up Steve who is walking a few steps behind me on the way to her office. Right after I enter the room but before he crosses the threshold, she holds her hand out blocking Steve from walking further, "I'm sorry sir these sessions are private."

"I want him to come with me," I plead.

"If he must," Ms. Cartwright says with obvious disdain. "But you must remain in your seat and not interfere." Ms. Cartwright points toward a wooden chair on the other side of the room.

Steve looks over at me checking to see if I'm ok with the set up, I nod feeling that's probably the best that Ms. Cartwright will allow.

"Ok, I will be over here."

"So, how have you been feeling this week?" Ms. Cartwright asks with a slight scowl from behind her desk.

"Fine, no problems," my immediate response whenever she asks.

"Well if you're not going to talk to me we might as well end for today so my valuable time isn't wasted," Ms. Cartwright lays on the guilt trip thick.

Steve captures my gaze then gestures for me to share. _I don't think he understands the opportunity I've been given._

More to please Steve than to pacify Ms. Cartwright, I quickly spit out, "I got in trouble with Tony. I left the compound without permission and Tony was mad."

Ms. Cartwright exhales in frustration, "Well I guess that's a start."

Steve can't help but to interject, "Give her a break, she's trying. That was actually a big deal to her."

"If you insist on interfering, Mr. Rogers, you will have to leave," Ms. Cartwright scolds.

"Steve, I want to leave," I plead visibly trembling now with the expected headache starting already.

"No, you can't just leave whenever you feel like leaving. I decide when you leave."

Steve talks over Ms. Cartwright, "Yes, we can leave."

"Now just wait one minute," Ms. Cartwright tries to object, slamming her fists on her desk while forcefully standing, but Steve doesn't allow it.

"Let's go," Steve says to me putting a protective hand on my shoulder then follows close behind shielding me from her reach and glare.

We leave the office in silence. I don't think Steve knows what to say. As we near the car, Nat, who has been waiting, gets out of the car, donning a surprised look when she spots us, not expecting us back so soon. Nat joins us in the parking lot, looking between me and Steve a few times for an explanation.

"Jamie, how about you wait for us in the car, I need to talk to Nat for a minute." Steve urges with a forced smile, his concerned eyes betraying him.

Torn between wanting to know what Steve's thinking and not wanting to cause a problem, I nod then climb into the backseat of the car. My curiosity, however, wins as I strain to listen, barely making out the hushed conversation.

"The counselor, Ms. Cartwright, who checked her out?"

"She was on the list of cleared providers that SHIELD used."

"There is something very wrong with her. Look into her and let me know if there are any connections with Cross." Steve says then looks at me in the mirror realizing that I'm listening so he ends with that then they both take their seats in the car.

"Do I have to go back there again?" I ask, keeping my head down, desperately hoping that I won't have to go there again.

"No, we will look for someone who's a better fit for you."

Although relieved, I don't want to see someone else either. "Thanks for coming with me."

"Have all of the sessions been like this?" Nat questions digging for more information.

"Yeah. I always leave with a headache and feel worse," I share with a heavy sigh.

Nat and Steve share a glance but I'm not sure what it means.

Back at the compound, it is clear that something is up. Tony quickly got up from his tablet to give me a hug then held my face in his hands and asked me if I was ok. Clint is on the phone with his brow furrowed, sounding angry. Bruce is wearing his lab coat which he only wears when he is working.

Steve moves to be at eye level with me, "Jamie, this might sound odd, but I want Bruce to run some tests on you."

"Tests? Is this about Ms. Cartwright? Is there something going on with Cross?" I demand, panic gripping, making breathing difficult.

Everyone quiets instantly.

Steve is careful in his response, "I don't know yet. We just want to be extra careful. Will you go with Bruce?"

I nod, happy that he didn't deny there's a problem and because he asked me if I would do something instead of telling me.

The walk to Bruce's lab is laced with fear and anxiety. The halls seem to stare at me as if they know some dark secret. "Uhm, what kind of test are we doing?"

"We found a way to determine if Cross's mind control weapon has been used on a person. We want to check to see if it has been used on you recently," Bruce explains looking over at me assessing my reaction.

"Oh," Bruce senses the alarm in my voice.

"You have a very strong mind, I don't think that he could penetrate the protective layer."

"Ok," I say not really feeling any better.

Upon entering Bruce's lab, I notice an oversized metal chair with a thin layer of cushion covered in black leather along the seat, back and armrests. There's also an extra metal piece shaped like a hollow half-circle for a head rest with a leather strap. Along the arm rests are straps on each side and a handle bar of sorts. My eyes widen, alarmed I immediately look over at Bruce. "You have to restrain me in the chair?"

"I promise this doesn't hurt. I added the straps because you've passed out before when your mind is involved. I just want to keep you from getting hurt if that happens," Bruce explains but sees that his explanation has done little to ease my concern. "Do you trust me? I can go get Steve or Nat if you want," Bruce says sincerely wanting me to feel safe.

I pause thinking about Cross, the explosions, my family.

"Jamie?" Bruce asks again while putting his hand on my shoulder.

Fear threatening to overwhelm me, I tightly wrap my arms around Bruce. Bruce hugs back, awkwardly at first, patting my back, then putting his arms around me. "Everything will be ok, we are all here to keep you safe."

I nod feeling more control over my breathing. "I trust you."

Despite my mind screaming at me to run, I climb into the cold chair, whose cushioning does very little in terms of comfort, place my shaking arms on the arm rests and hold onto the handle bars. Bruce tightens the straps around my forearms as well as my biceps. "Go ahead and lay your head back. I'm going to put the head piece on. I promise this doesn't hurt but you will feel some pressure. Ok?"

Oddly the pain isn't what I'm afraid of but I nod and lay my head back trying to control my breathing.

"Ready, Jamie?"

"Y-Y-Yeah," my voice quivers, betraying me as I work hard to control my fear.

Bruce turns on the machine revealing a green light before an intense squeezing sensation on my head and then darkness.

When I wake, Bruce, Steve and Nat are all standing around me concern etched on their faces. Someone removed me from the chair and placed me on a cot still in the lab. The sensation of floating is disorienting especially mixed with the groggy feeling. "Jamie…" Bruce asks, "How do you feel?"

"What happened?"

"You passed out during the test."

"I'm glad you added the straps," I comment, without the smile reaching my face. "Did my mind explode?"

Bruce quickly responds, "No, we are able to safe guard against that now."

"Come on let's get you to your room to rest," Steve instructs.

"No, wait, what did the test show?" I demand to know before I leave the room.

"We can talk about that later," Steve tells me.

"No, tell me now."

Steve sighs not wanting to tell me. Against his better judgment, He shares the details. "Yes, the mind control weapon has been used on you several times since you started going to Ms. Cartwright."

The shocked look on my face quickly turns to fear, "Was that really Ms. Cartwright or maybe was the mind control weapon also used on her?"

"We are looking into it. Now, let's get you back to your room. Can you walk?" Steve asks.

My legs feel like jelly. As soon as I try to stand up, my legs give up, unable to hold my weight causing me to crumble to the ground. Fortunately Steve is holding on to me so he swoops me up into his arms and carries me to my room. I fall asleep shortly after we leave the lab.

When I wake up, the darkness of the room with its odd shadows reflect not only the time of day but also my fears. I look around my room then sit up carefully. My legs are still weak but are strong enough to hold my weight so I walk down to the kitchen and then to the living room hoping to find someone. "Hello?" I call.

"Hello, Jamie. I'm happy to see that you are awake. I will contact Mr. Stark. I'm sure he will be here shortly."

"Thanks FRIDAY."

"You are most welcome."

I decide to wait in the living room so I can lay down on the couch. I'm still so tired but I need to know what is going on. Within a minute or two, Steve, Bruce, Clint, and Tony enter the room.

"It's sleeping beauty, how are you feeling?" asks Tony, who seems happy to see me.

"Ok, I still feel really tired and weak. Bruce, should my body have reacted that way to your test?"

"Well, we weren't entirely sure how your body would react. We knew enough to assume you would likely pass out."

"What's been going on while I was asleep?" I ask, needing to know if I'm in danger.

"We don't really have anything to report. Nat is looking into some things. With a little luck we will know more when she gets back."

I want to ask more but I've lost the fight, sleep wins.

Hours have passed before I wake again. The room is now dark except for a little light coming from a blue digital display near the TV. Steve is asleep on the couch next to me, appearing a blueish color from the glowing display. Sleep has left my mouth dry, so I quietly get up looking for a drink but bump my leg on the table. "You ok?" Steve asks, almost as if he was laying there with his eyes closed instead of sleeping.

"Yeah, sorry to wake you up, I just wanted to get a drink."

Steve nods then goes to the kitchen to get a glass of water for me. _I can't believe how weak I am_. When Steve returns I eagerly drink the entire glass of water.

"What's been going on while I was sleeping?"

"We found Ms. Cartwright. She attempted suicide yesterday, but fortunately, failed. We were able to run the test on her and found that the mind control weapon was also used on her."

"So, Cross still after me."

"That is a very real possibility."

"How can you protect me from Cross if he can make anyone do what he wants them to do? What if he uses it on one of you?" The scary thought causes a chill to run through me.

"Bruce and Tony made special ear pieces that will protect our minds from the weapon. We need to have even tighter security for a while until we figure out how to stop him. No one will be allowed to enter unless they have been screened. We will all wear the ear pieces and will also be checked anytime we return. I would like for you to stay here inside the compound for now."

I nod, welcoming the extra measures. I know what this man is capable of and it terrifies me. "Can Bruce reverse the effects of the mind control?"

"Yes. Part of the test is reversing the effects. We think that is why you are so tired. Ms. Cartwright also passed out. You both had extensive mind control exposure to reverse. Although with you, your protective layer kept you safe from being controlled."

With only a few tidbits of information, I am no longer able to keep my eyes open, falling back asleep on the couch. Steve stays with me the rest of the night. The next morning, I wake up groggy but feeling much more like myself. Everyone is in the kitchen waiting for me.

"Good you're awake. Hungry?" Clint asks.

I nod.

Clint prepares our favorite cereal for me. Everyone is talking about various details about Cross and the investigation but I mostly ignore it unable to handle anymore right now.

"Are you feeling alright?" Clint asks.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I growl, then curse myself for not hiding it better.

Tony notices that I'm not really fine. "Don't worry about this guy, we know what he's up to now. We will keep you safe."

"I know. I'm gonna go to my room."

"Ok, I'll check on you in a bit," Steve warns.

I only get about fifteen minutes alone before Steve knocks on my door. "Hey kiddo, how are you feeling?"

"Fine."

Steve sits on the bed next to me. "I'm sorry we didn't do more to check out Ms. Cartwright or listen to you when you said that you hated it. Cross is still in jail, we underestimated him."

"All of this is my fault. Steve, I think I should go to a foster home. I don't want anyone to get hurt."

"No, you're not leaving. Besides you're safer here than anywhere else."

"I don't get it, why is this happening?"

"We don't know yet. Nat is interviewing Cross right now. I will let you know when we have more information."

"I appreciate being kept in the loop," I say.

"Jamie, I need to tell you something." Steve says with guilt streaking his face in response to my 'being kept in the loop' comment.

Cautiously I respond, "Ok, what's going on?"

"While you were unconscious, after Cross kidnapped you, Bruce implanted a small device along the front part of your brain to prevent future explosions. Our plan is to remove it when you are able to control your power on your own."

I'm shocked, "Why didn't you tell me before?"

"I wasn't sure how you would feel about it. We needed to do this so we can keep all of us safe while you are struggling so much. When we discovered what Cross was doing with you, how he was trying to make you a…when we saw how powerful your mind could be, we felt like we had no choice."

"How does the device work?"

"That's really a question for Bruce. All I know is that the device shuts it down, you pass out."

"Wait that's how you all knew that I would pass out during Bruce's test? The chair was made with the s-s-straps because he knew that I would pass out? How could you do that to me and not say anything. I trusted you!" I storm out of the room furious with everyone, especially Steve.

I hear him calling my name but I don't respond. _I trusted him, he lied to me!_


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

With tears streaming down my cheeks as the betrayal sinks deep into my heart, I stomp off heading outside, despite Steve's instructions to stay inside. __Why didn't they tell me? I know why they did it but they should have told me.__

Without thinking or planning where to go, I run to the lake, my favorite spot, then drop to my knees, looking at my reflection in the water. Fury and rage overtake me, my cheeks become wet with angry tears, my brow furrows and my breathing becomes heavy and ragged. __How dare they put some metal thing in my head to control me!__ I push my mind trying to find the boundary of the protective layer. Ripples form in the water as the layer responds to my efforts. I try harder, sharp pain shooting in my forehead. Blood runs from my nose, warning me to stop, but I push harder still. The pain in my forehead is intense but I want to prove that I can do this if I want to, that they can't stop me. I hear Tony and Steve calling my name. Knowing I am almost out of time, I give it my all, trying to explode, the rough ripples in the water proof that I'm making progress. Another sharp pain and then black.

The first thing I notice when I wake is the massive headache then the unfamiliar room. The lake, pushing against the layer, and the device all comes flooding back along with the anger. I look around and see Tony sitting next to me and Steve standing along the wall in the background with his head downcast. Bruce walks over to me wearing his lab coat. __I guess he's working. Of course. He's here because of the device, that's what he's here for.__ With all three of them covering each way that I could turn my head, I'm stuck looking at my hands. __I bet they planned this to gang up on me.__ I cross my arms in defiance and refuse to talk to any of them, my lips pressed into a hard line.

The nurse comes over and shines the pen light into each pupil. "How do you feel?"

"Fine, can I go to my room now?" I hiss.

"I want you to stay here for a couple of hours, then if you are still feeling ok you can go back to your room," the nurse explains.

I growl refusing to look directly at anyone.

"I'll be back to check on you later," the nurse says to me then looks at Tony, Steve, and Bruce, "Good luck."

"Thanks," Tony replies, I'm sure in response to the care she's given me and the well wish in dealing with my wrath.

Tony starts, "That was really dumb, going out there to push the limits of your mind. You could have really hurt yourself."

 _ _I guess we're starting with a fight, fine!__ "No, I couldn't, you guys made sure of that with your little secret device!"

"Jamie, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. We are just trying to protect you," Steve consoles.

"Protect me! Right, more like protect everyone else from me!" No one refutes my take on the situation. I refuse to talk anymore to Steve so I just stare as if he wasn't standing there. I can tell that he's hurt that I am so mad, __good he deserves it!__

"Would you like the device removed?" Bruce asks much to Steve and Tony surprise and alarm. Bruce doesn't recant his question.

His question takes me by surprise too, I think for a moment before responding, "No, I'm just mad that I wasn't told about it." I start to cry. "I don't want to be dangerous to anyone. It really hurts that you guys felt like you had to protect yourselves from me and then hide it." I feel myself getting worked up, my head hurting, breathing ragged and heavy. Suddenly, I feel a sharp pain in my head, dizziness overtakes me, and there's an odd taste in my mouth. I feel myself lose consciousness just as Tony, Bruce, and Steve start to freak out.

* * *

"What happened?" Clint asks with a sense of urgency.

"Steve told Jamie about the device we implanted in her head. She was furious and decided to try to make an explosion happen. She partially succeeded when the device finally shut her down," Tony explains roughly running his hands through his already ruffled hair. "She was awake for about ten minutes when she had a seizure and then lost consciousness again."

Just as Tony finishes, Bruce and the nurse come out to the waiting room to offer an update. Bruce begins, "Jamie is still unconscious. She had a grand mal seizure fortunately there was minimal damage to her brain. The device worked as intended but with Jamie's attempt, the device had an electrical surge which caused the seizure. She will make a full recovery and the device can stay implanted. However, if she tries this again, we will be forced to remove the device or risk permanent damage."

"Can we see her?" Steve implores.

"It's ok if one of you stays with her but that's it until she wakes up," the nurse reluctantly gives in then returns to her work.

"Do you guys mind if I go?"

"Do you think that's the best idea right now, Steve?" Tony retorts.

"This is my fault, I need to make it right."

The team nods then Steve enters the hospital room where Jamie is sleeping. He pulls a chair up to the side of Jamie's bed and reaches for her hand.

* * *

"Ow," I groan squeezing my eyes together a few times before looking around. "What happened?"

"Do you remember being in the infirmary earlier today?" Steve asks.

"Yeah, I passed out from the device. I tried to make my mind explode but the device stopped me."

"That's right. The strain on your brain from pushing so hard caused a seizure."

Steve notices the alarm etched on my face. "You're ok now. It's important that you don't try that again because next time it might cause serious damage to your brain."

"I'm sorry, that was really stupid." Tears burn my eyes when I begin to speak.

"It's ok. Really this is my fault. I kept it a secret, we never got to tell you about the dangers or listen to your input. I'm sorry I let you down, I'm sorry that I broke your trust."

Steve's confession breaks my heart. I reach for him which Steve accepts as forgiveness. He bends forward and places a gentle kiss on my forehead, wipes the tears from my cheeks, and rests his left hand on my forehead while maintaining his hold on my right hand. I quickly fall asleep again completely worn out from the day's events.

Daylight pierces my sore eyes, squinting helps some as my eyes adjust. I forgot where I was but seeing the clinical walls reminds me of everything that happened. The pain in my head continues to rage refusing to forgive me for pushing myself.

"Hey there, sleepy head. I was beginning to think that I was going to be eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch alone today," Clint says with a smile as he leans in to place a kiss on my forehead.

"Hi," I whisper, weary of stabs of pain in my head from moving or speaking too much.

"How are you feeling?"

"My head really hurts and I feel groggy."

The nurse hears that I am awake and comes over to check me out. "Headache, yes, that will probably last a couple days. Here take these, it's prescription strength pain medication that should at least take the edge off."

I gladly accept the pills and take them with one swallow.

"When can she leave the infirmary?" Clint asks.

"She should eat something first. If she's still ok after that then she can go," the nurse explains.

"Does she have any restrictions on food?"

"No, she can eat that awful sugary cereal that you brought if she wants." The nurse rolls her eyes then returns to her duties.

"What do you think, what some cereal?" Clint asks.

I smile and nod.

Clint and I enjoy some small talk about shooting with bows, different types of arrows, and everything his kids want to do with me when I come to visit while we eat our breakfast.

"I really like your wife and kids. Do you think they will be ok with me coming, really? Won't they be upset with me for taking up so much of your time?" I ask Clint, my fears of not being wanted showing through.

"There may be times when someone feels slighted but just like with any family, we try to spend quality time with everyone but if you need something more say something. Laura knows that you will likely need more from us so we are prepared to give extra to the others when we can."

Steve, Nat, and Tony come in to check on me and seem happy to see me awake and talking. With all of the commotion, the nurse comes back to check on me. "How are you feeling after eating? Any nausea?"

"No, just the headache but the pain medication is helping some," I respond to her question but all are interested in my answer.

"Ok, you can leave now," the nurse says to me before turning her attention to the others, "Please bring her back if the headache worsens or if she has any nausea or lightheadedness. You can give her two pain pills every four hours as needed. When the headache lessens you can switch to over-the-counter pain medication. Any questions?"

"No, I think we're good. Thank you." Tony says accepting the pill bottle.

I look over and notice Bruce hanging back behind the nurse's station. The others leave the room to let me change out of the hospital gown. I ask the nurse to send in Bruce.

Bruce enters the room and sheepishly asks, "How are you feeling?"

"Ok, my head hurts pretty bad but otherwise I'm good. Bruce, I'm not mad at you, about the device thing. I'm glad that you were able to make something that can prevent me from hurting anyone else. I was mad that no one told me but I guess once the decision was made to use it, it was too late to get my input and I agree it needed to be done. Ok?"

Bruce seems relieved to hear that I'm not mad at him. He leans over the bed's railing and gives me a hug and says, "I'm glad that you're ok."

Tony sets up the couch in the living room for me. I think he would rather have me out of my room to keep an eye on me. I don't mind though because he made sure I had access to the TV, drinks, snacks, and anything else that I wanted. This actually feels more like I'm at home instead of at the compound. Steve and Nat watch TV with me for a while until I fall asleep.

When I wake up, I find myself alone on the couch. The TV was turned off at some point making the room dark except for the light from the kitchen. My headache is back with vengeance so I make my way to the kitchen hoping to find someone who can give me more medication. As soon as I turn the corner, I notice Tony sitting at the breakfast bar working on his tablet. "Can I have more of the medicine?"

"Sure." Tony gets two pills out of the bottle and hands them to me with a glass of water. "How are you feeling?"

"Ok, just the headache. Where is everyone?"

"They are following up on a lead. We're looking into possible accomplices," Tony explains. "They should be back soon."

"Ok." I sit down next to Tony, looking over at him. "What are you working on?" I ask not really caring what he's working on but hoping for some attention.

"New designs," Tony says without looking up from his work.

"Oh, ok," I sigh resigned that I will not be getting attention from Tony. I begin to head back to the couch alone.

With my reaction, Tony senses that I may want his attention so he puts his tablet down and suggests watching a movie together. I smile. Tony wraps his arm around my shoulder and we walk back to the living room together. "What do you want to watch?" I ask.

"I don't know let's check to see what we have," Tony says, excited to show off his collection.

Tony flips through the data base and selects a movie that is currently in theaters. __Of course, he has access to movies that aren't even released yet.__

Tony sits down at one end of the couch with his feet propped up on the coffee table then pats the seat next to him. I smile sitting on the couch bringing a pillow because I'm sure that I will be sleeping soon enough. I prop myself up against Tony's chest and lay down. Tony wraps his arm around me and we start the movie. Even before the opening credits are finished, I am asleep again feeling happy and protected.

I wake up still laying against Tony who is asleep at least until my movements wake him up too. Tony opens his eyes and looks over me. I think he is also trying to figure out where he is. Tony smiles then says, "Good morning, how is your headache?"

"My head still hurts but not quite as bad as yesterday."

"Good, I will get you more pain medication. Do you think you still need the prescription strength or can we move to the normal dose?"

"Maybe another prescription strength," I say while rubbing my forehead.

Tony heads out to the kitchen and I follow. We are met by the entire team eating breakfast already. Tony inquires, "What time is it?"

Bruce responds, "It's ten o'clock."

"Wow, I never sleep that late," Tony says surprised while getting the pain medication for me.

I take the pills and sit down to eat breakfast with Clint, our daily routine whenever he is at the compound.

* * *

Steve meets Tony over at the counter next to the coffee pot. "It's nice," Steve says cryptically.

"What is?"

"Seeing Jamie snuggled up with you on the couch."

"Yeah, I guess she wanted attention last night so we watched a movie together. It was kind of nice. I never sleep that soundly, especially sleeping partially upright on the couch," Tony says with a chuckle, surprised that he slept so well.

"Yeah, there's something special about her. We all feel it. She doesn't believe it but it's easy loving her."

Tony nods while drinking his glass of orange juice. "Yeah, I'm not sure who needed the attention more, me or her. I didn't even realize how nice that was going to be."

"I love seeing her smile," Steve comments watching Jamie smiling while talking to Clint. "It broke my heart knowing she felt betrayed. I'm glad she decided to forgive me so quickly."

"Well not before losing consciousness and having a seizure," Tony says, frustrated with Jamie's behavior.

Steve winces at the memory, genuinely upset with himself for trying to hide the device.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

"Any news?" I ask since no one has offered an update.

Everyone visibly changes, appearing uncomfortable shifting in their seats, trying to avoid talking about it with me no doubt. Steve leans in preparing to share a censored version of the update. "Cross has an unknown helper who was able to identify someone who you were in contact with outside of the compound."

I nod, "Ms. Cartwright."

"Yes. Ms. Cartwright was an unwilling participant. She was using the device in her office during your counseling sessions."

"Ok, so now you have her fixed, right? Were you able to undo the mind control?"

Bruce responds, "Yes, the procedure was successful just as it was for you. She will be fine."

"Do we know when Cross made the accomplices? Before he was put in jail or after?"

"We don't know yet. We've interviewed and tested everyone who had any interaction with Cross while in jail so he most likely already had this set up before the day you were kidnapped, perhaps as a back-up plan," Steve explains carefully, watching my reaction.

"So…" I begin thinking about the facts, "…in order for someone to know about Ms. Cartwright, the accomplice is likely someone you know?" Fear rises and panic sets in thinking about who might be that close to me. "Everyone who works here is cleared every time they come, right?"

Bruce nods, "Yes, the test is used on everyone who enters this building, even on all of us."

"Who else knows about me?"

"We are still interviewing and testing everyone who may have come in contact with any of us since you arrived. It takes time," Nat explains apologetically.

I nod but feel like something could attack at any moment. "I'm going to my room."

Steve steps in front of me and places his hands just below my shoulders adjusting to make eye contact, "Nothing will happen to you while you are at the compound and we aren't letting anyone else near you until this is resolved."

"Don't you get it. This will never be resolved. You have no idea how many people have been affected, just waiting for their turn to get me."

Steve knows that my assessment is correct. He pulls me into a protective hug cradling my head in his hand. "We will keep you safe."

"I know," I remark genuinely believing that they will protect me, but still feeling anxious about the mystery person that is out to hurt me.

Clint interjects, "Jamie, do you really want to go to your room where you'll just dwell on this or are you looking for some distance from it?"

"I…I guess I want some distance from it," I respond knowing he's right about going to my bedroom probably being a bad idea.

"Ok, so what can you do instead?" Clint asks, trying to help me to make a better decision for myself, __he really is a dad__.

I think for a moment truly unable to think of an alternative. "I don't know, my head still hurts pretty bad so I don't really feel like doing anything. Am I allowed to go to the lake?"

"Sorry, you have to stay inside the compound," Steve replies with an apologetic look.

My head hangs downcast feeling sad, scared, and frustrated with my situation.

"How about a simulation of the lake on the Holodeck?" Tony proposes.

"Yeah, sure."

Tony and I set off to the Holodeck. It's amazing what Tony is able to do, he wrote the program with FRIDAY's help in less than ten minutes. "It's ready." Tony and I enter the Holodeck program. It's amazing how real it seems. I really feel like I stepped outside into the warm sun. I can hear the rhythmic sound of the waterfall and feel the light mist against my skin. "If you want to change something just ask FRIDAY."

"Ok."

"I need to head back now but if you need anything, FRIDAY will contact me. Ok?" Tony asks.

Tony waits for my response, a nod, then leaves through the door that appears odd next to the holographic lake. __It's amazing how real this all feels__ , I think when sitting down on the very real feeling digital grass and lean up against the rough, bumpy bark of the tree. The sound of running water is soothing. I close my eyes, taking a deep breath, allowing my mind to clear as my senses are overtaken.

Without warning, the power goes off. The lake is gone and replaced with complete darkness. Alarmed, I fumble my way to the door and try to open it. Of course, without power the door won't open. "FRIDAY?" The AI assistant is also offline. Alarmed, I scrunch up, curling my legs up against my chest, my body shaking, but I know that someone will come get me, that I'm at the compound so I'm safe.

After a few minutes, I hear the door open but the room is still completely dark. I try rubbing my eyes and squinting hoping to at least get a glimpse of the person entering the room. "Hello?" No one answers but I'm sure that someone is there. I close my eyes and try to sense who's in the room with me. I don't recognize the feeling I'm getting from this person except that I sense danger, maybe because I'm the prey. I try to hide myself by controlling my breathing and trying to move quietly.

"I see you," the mysterious voice says, "I came prepared with night vision."

Immediately, I start to shake. __The accomplice! How did he get in here?__ I sense that he's walking toward me, emanating his desire to have me an unusual mixture of adoration and hate. I try to scurry away, but there's nothing that I can do to escape first the smell of gas and then losing consciousness.

* * *

As soon as the power goes out, Tony attempts to reset the system but fails. "This shouldn't happen."

Bruce asks, "What about the backup power?"

"Jamie!" They all say at the same time realizing it must be sabotage. Tony sets off to get the power back on while the rest of the team runs to the Holodeck assuming the issues with the power is an attempt to get her. The team arrives just in time to see the mystery man picking up a limp body. Fear strikes, each goes into action fueled by adrenaline. Flashlights brought by the team flash haphazardly, a stark contrast with the darkness of the room, as the team works together to take down the man and to secure Jamie.

The lights come back on and the mystery man is revealed. The would-be kidnapper is posing as a security officer for the compound. He had access to the testing protocol and knew how to work around it. The man is detained and set up with the machine to test whether or not the mind control device was used on him. Sure enough, his exposure is extensive. The team's not able to get him to talk probably because he really doesn't know anything. He was only given enough information to carry out the task by the puppet master.

* * *

I wake up again in the infirmary not remembering anything except darkness, fear, and the smell of gas. "What happened?" I ask frustrated, "I don't remember."

"Cross's accomplice cut the power to the building then tried to kidnap you. Fortunately, we were able to stop him before any real damage was done. He was affected by the mind control weapon." Tony explains keeping a hand on my arm to reassure me.

"Oh, great, one down and an unknown number yet to go," I groan sourly.

"Are you ok?" Steve asks concerned.

"No, I'm not ok! I was attacked and nearly kidnapped from a place you thought was safe." I begin to cry and tremble, "You guys said I was safe here, you said that everyone was checked, you said…but I'm not safe. I'm not safe anywhere." Steve attempts to comfort me by holding my hand but I roughly pull my arm away and scream. All of this is too much. I can't control the shaking.

Bruce quickly jumps into action, "She's having a panic attack." The nurse brings over a sedative and injects it into my arm. Immediately, I begin to feel myself calming as my body gets sleepy. __I don't want to sleep!__ I fight against it, refusing to let my eyelids shut. __I need to keep watch, I need to protect myself. I need…__ then everything goes dark.

"I'm sorry, we missed it," Steve says as soon as he sees my eyes are open.

I don't respond. I'm not sure what I'm feeling maybe disconnected or numb.

"I want to go to my room," I say deadpan.

"I'll talk to the nurse to see if that's ok," Steve says then heads over to the nurse's station.

"Ok, sounds like you're good to go but one of us has to stay with you," Steve informs me of the nurse's decision.

"Fine."

We walk back to the room in silence, keeping my arms wrapped around my middle. I'm not really feeling or thinking anything right now. Up ahead I see Tony, Clint, Bruce and Nat. At first, they smile when they see me, but I guess my expression convinces them otherwise. Tony comes over to greet me at the doorway to my bedroom. Without looking up I say, "I think Vision should screen everyone who comes here." Then, I enter my room and sit on my bed, staring at the floor.

Nat enters and sits down next to me on my bed, "I know you're scared right now…"

I interject, "I'm not scared."

"Alright. What's going on then?" Nat gently asks.

"I'm not really feeling anything right now," I respond honestly.

Clint, Tony and Steve enter my room as well, not wanting to leave me alone. They all exchange glances with each other.

"I don't want to do this anymore. Next time, just let him take me."

They recoil at my words. __It doesn't matter. They are wasting their time protecting me. Eventually this guy will get me.__

Concerned, Nat puts her hand on my shoulder, "Jamie, it sounds like you want to die."

"Die. Yeah, maybe that would be easier. Then no one else would have to get hurt," I comment expressionless.

No one talks for a while. __Maybe they are considering my request. It really does make the most sense.__

Bruce interrupts my thoughts, "What if we change the settings on the device so she can emit a smaller, more localized blast, just enough so she can protect herself. We would keep some of the protections in place so she can't be used for a wide-scale attack. She would have to train to learn how to utilize the power when she needs to use it."

The team thinks about this for a moment. Some objections are shared but no one has a good argument for not agreeing to the plan. "What do you think about Bruce's plan?" Steve asks me.

"Yeah, that might work," I say with continued lack of emotion.

Steve kneels in front of me to make sure I really understand what Bruce said. "You will need to train but you can learn to control the power."

"It sounds like it would still be dangerous for others to be around me," I reply stoically. "I'm not sure it's worth the effort."

Bruce immediately chimes in, directing his comment to me, "It's definitely worth the effort." Then Bruce turns to the rest of the group, "But, she's right, we would need to have a special training area that can handle the blasts."

"She can use my workshop. It's made to handle anything that I may test on my suits so I'm sure it can handle Jamie's power toned down," Tony offers.

"Who would be best suited to help train her?" Steve asks.

"I guess Dr. Strange. I know that didn't go so well before but…" Clint responds.

"I can do it, sir." Vision enters the room interrupting Clint. "I believe that I can be of assistance. I've focused some of my training on the mind stone. Her unique mind may have similar qualities."

"Jamie?" Steve checks in with me noticing that I am looking out the window instead of participating in the conversation.

"How will you know when the device has been altered enough to be safe but also effective?" I ask.

Everyone nods then looks to Bruce for a response. "I admit, I won't have a way to measure it accurately at this point. I simply don't understand the processes at work. We may need to make multiple adjustments. But I do believe we can do it safely or I wouldn't be willing to try."

I don't look at him, keeping my eyes fixed on my memory of the lake, remembering the ripples that I was able to make in the water while the device was supposed to stop it.

"Jamie, what do you think about giving this a try?" Steve asks hopefully.

"I already told you what I think but it's not the answer you were looking for, so you asked again hoping for a different response. I don't think my life is worth risking anyone else's life. I already killed three people maybe more. No one wants to tell me how many people died in the blast at the park."

"Jamie, I don't get it. You have been doing so well lately. I thought we were past wanting to hurt yourself," Clint comments full of concern.

"What if one of you die trying to save me? That guy was here, inside the compound. Cross has infected multiple people trying to get to me and he's in jail. If he can do that what will he do next, how far will he go?" I ask holding back tears. "I overheard some of what Steve and Laura were talking about when I met your family, she asked about her family's safety with me around. She's right, I shouldn't be there or anywhere else. It's too dangerous."

The team thinks about what I've said, understanding the sentiment of putting others before yourself.

"Jamie…" Steve begins but I interrupt.

"My vote is to die, but I don't always get a say in the matter. Isn't that right, I'm just a kid and you guys are the adults? I don't know why we are still talking about this. Just do whatever you're going to do."

Steve sighs, "Just like you, we don't put our lives above others. We have devoted ourselves to saving others." Steve pauses briefly considering the repercussions then begins, "You're right, it doesn't matter if you agree to this, we need to protect you. It just would have been nice for you to want this too. You can either hold onto trying to avoid hurting others by dying or you can do something about it so everyone is safer. That's really the choice you have to make."

I'm not sure what to say. __I'm scared that I will hurt someone. Am I more afraid of hurting someone or more afraid of the guilt of hurting someone and if I can do something about it shouldn't I at least try?__ I run into Steve's arms and begin to cry. Within seconds I feel the others with me too.

 ** **Thank you so much for reading. This is my first story so any feedback is greatly appreciated!****


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Everyone is gathered in Bruce's lab wanting to be with me during the procedure. Bruce attempts to explain what he is going to do.

"I am able to tap into the device using this cord. It connects using a magnet. This part will likely feel a little weird like I'm tugging on your brain, but it shouldn't hurt. Then I will make the adjustments from here." Bruce says while gesturing to his monitors next to the oversized metal chair. "Any questions so far?"

"Will I pass out?"

"Probably, but the straps will hold you in place so you don't get hurt."

"You said that I couldn't push my mind again or I would risk another seizure or damage to my brain, will this cause a problem like that?"

"No, because we will essentially be opening up the overflow valve like on a dam that will release some of the pressure. It was that pressure that caused the problems."

"How will you know if it's working?"

"We will have to go down to Tony's lab to try it."

I take a deep breath trying and failing to calm myself. Steve comes over to give me a hug then walks me over to the chair. I climb in and place my arms on the arm rests. My fear is palpable now. Steve tightens the restraints and gently pushes my head back into the harness. Bruce reaches over to attach the magnetic cord. I wince as soon as the connection is made. "How does that feel?"

"We're not off to a good start. That actually did hurt more like you put a needle into my head."

"Sorry," Bruce says genuinely sorry for causing pain and underestimating the effect. "Ready for the next part?"

Steeling myself, I nod, trying to be brave. Bruce starts up the machine. I keep my eyes closed tight while listening to Bruce typing. All of a sudden there's a sharp pain in my forehead and my stomach feels like it's on a rollercoaster. I growl through the pain and nausea. "Shut it down!" I hear Steve yell.

"No, just finish." I say just barely getting my words out through gritted teeth before everything goes dark.

Someone is in the room with me but it is dark so I can't tell who it is and I can't seem to open my eyes or my mouth. My body refuses to move, I can't seem to make it do anything. _Who's there? Please, what do you want?_

 _"_ _Soon my dear, soon. It really is so nice to hear your voice again."_ The mysterious voice interrupts my thoughts _._

 _"_ _Leave me alone!"_ I scream in my head.

 _"_ _Ha, ha, ha, ha,"_ the mysterious voice laughs, getting fainter and fainter before I finally wake up.

Alarmed, I shoot up in my hospital bed breathing heavy, consumed by fear.

"Whoa, you're ok, Jamie, you're ok," Steve says trying to calm me.

"No, No I'm not. He was able to talk to me, he talked to me. He said he's coming for me!" I can't control my body, overcome with panic. _He's able to talk to me. I heard him._

Steve tries to console me, "Jamie no one else is here. You're ok."

"No, I'm not. He talked to me."

"Jamie…"

"Listen to me!" I shout frustrated that Steve isn't taking this seriously.

Steve pauses, unsure if I was dreaming or just afraid.

"Steve, he's able to talk to me, directly to my mind."

"Ok, I hear you. I think maybe you are in shock."

"Arghhh, Steve. Get Bruce, he'll listen to me!" I yell. Steve doesn't move, I don't think he believes me. "Steve, please, get Bruce," I repeat trying to sound calmer hoping that my tone will convince him that I'm not just losing it.

"Ok, I'll be back in minute."

I take a deep breath trying to calm myself.

A few minutes later, Bruce comes into my room. "What is it, are you ok?"

"Bruce, listen to me, please. He talked to me while I was out. Is it possible that he can get into my head now that you've adjusted the device?" I ask, desperately needing to know if I'm vulnerable to Cross.

Bruce thinks for a moment. Meanwhile, the rest of the team enters my room. Bruce looks over at the team to explain. "It is possible that Cross or his accomplice was able to penetrate Jamie's mind while the protective layer was weakened by the adjustment we made to the device."

Steve is furious. "Did you know about that going into this?"

"No, but I should have realized it was possible," Bruce says apologetically.

"Is he still able to see into my mind?" I ask worried about everyone's safety.

"I imagine that your mind has already begun rebuilding the wall, you should be alright now, but the wall is still weak."

I think for a few moments, another question begins to brew, "Will he be able to reach me when I start to try to push against my mind?"

"No, the protective layer will remain intact"

"Ok, so now what?" I ask, my question directed at everyone.

Bruce responds, "Once the layer is strong enough you can begin training."

"How will we know it's strong enough?" I ask, afraid of the answer.

Bruce hesitates for a moment, "We will have to run another test."

"And I have to pass out, again. Wonderful." I say sarcastically. "Does anyone else think it's weird that passing out is normal?"

"Hopefully, the wall will be strong enough the first time we do the test," Bruce nearly didn't mention that part.

I've gone through Bruce's test every day for the past week and I'm still not quite ready to begin training. _I swear if I have to pass out again without being able to start training I'm going to lose it._ At least there's always someone with me. It's been nice getting to hang out with everyone. They take turns helping me to relax with some fun activity, go with me to the test, and then stay with me until I feel normal again after passing out.

On the way to breakfast, Clint tells me that he is going to be spending the day with me starting with our normal Cinnamon Toast Crunch breakfast. He actually goes home most days to spend the evenings with his family but comes back in the morning to have breakfast with me. Clint asks, "Want to do some shooting this morning?" I think he feels bad for me but I'm excited to practice shooting and to spend time with him.

Clint helps me pick out a good beginner's bow and we both grab a quiver full of arrows. Typically, we would shoot outside but with the possibility of danger, Clint had the training room turned into a makeshift shooting range. Clint talks me through the first few shots then we both shoot at will. I'm actually getting pretty good, regularly hitting the target and a few hitting the bullseye. Of course, Clint never misses the center with several arrows splitting arrows already lodged in the target.

I'm on my final arrow when a sharp pain shoots through my forehead causing me to drop to the ground in a cold sweat. Clint is by my side in half a second. I can't seem to focus enough to talk. Clint picks me up and takes me to the infirmary as quick as he can. On the way, Clint warns the infirmary that I'm coming and signals the others.

Upon arrival Bruce is ready to administer the mind control test to see if Cross has found a way into my mind. The nurse insists on checking my vitals first but within minutes of arriving at the infirmary, the test is started. I quickly pass out but unlike the past week, I look forward to the break in the pain that losing consciousness provides.

When I wake Bruce, Clint, Steve, and Tony are waiting for me. "Was it Cross? Did he try to get into my head again?" I ask while squeezing my forehead in search of relief.

"Yes, he tried to get in again but the device stopped him. Nat is interrogating Cross again, if nothing else she will keep him busy for a while," Bruce explains.

I try to control the panic brewing inside of me. "We are out of time. Whether or not the wall is strong enough, I need to start training."

Tony agrees, "Yes, you need to start training fortunately you are pretty close to ready."

"Am I going to have any pain or pass out from training?" I ask Bruce.

"Maybe."

"Is Vision ready to start?"

Steve chimes in, "You need to wait until tomorrow."

"Wait? But why?"

Bruce confirms, "He's right, Jamie, your mind needs a chance to rest."

Vision enters the room and starts talking as if he's been here the whole time, "Jamie if you are feeling better tomorrow, we will begin training in the morning."

Frustrated, I growl knowing that Cross won't stop. I start to tear up thinking about everything that that man has cost me, how much he's hurt me.

"Come on, let's head back to the living room. The nurse already cleared you to leave," Steve suggests.

 _I know Steve said something, I just…_

"Jamie?"

Concerned Steve grabs both of my arms just below my shoulders, "Jamie…hey…I need you to respond."

I look at Steve for a moment then return to my thoughts. Steve turns to look at the others for a suggestion then signals to everyone to go out into the hall.

"She's going through another PTSD episode. Any ideas?" Steve asks.

"She always responds to Hulk," Bruce suggests. "But this may actually be a good thing for her training. She will need to build her protective layer for it to be most effective."

Steve recoils, "There is no way I'm going to sit back and let her suffer like that. Yes, she needs to learn how to protect herself and the best way for her is through her mind but she's also only thirteen years old. We can continue to protect her. She doesn't have to be on her own yet. Bring out Hulk."

Bruce nods then leaves for a moment to make the change. Hulk returns already knowing what needs to be done. He enters the infirmary and walks over to Jamie's bed. Since Jamie still hasn't responded, Hulk reaches over and puts his giant green finger gently under her chin, guiding her face to his. Jamie looks at him for a moment then reaches up like a small frightened child would do with her father. Hulk bends down and lifts Jamie from the bed and grabs a blanket to wrap around her. Jamie curls up in Hulk's massive arms as he cradles her. Hulk carries her back to the living quarters and sits down along an open section of the wall in the living room. Jamie doesn't move or talk, but she does accept the comfort that only this Jekyll and Hyde beast can provide. The others wait.

Peter, just arriving for his weekend long training at the compound, stops short when he first sees Hulk and then Jamie in his arms. "Wh…what…" Peter's barely able to talk through his shock of seeing Hulk up close for the first time. Tony quickly grabs Peter by his arm and leads him away from the living quarters all the while Peter can't take his eyes off of Jamie. "What's going on? What's wrong with Jamie?"

Tony attempts to respond without saying much, "Jamie is going through some stuff right now."

"But Hulk, I've never seen him up close before. Won't he hurt her?"

"No, but he might hurt you. Right now's not a good time. Happy will take you home. I'll let you know when the next training will be," Tony explains trying to put as much distance between Peter and Jamie as possible.

"Mr. Stark, that's my friend in there. I want to know what's going on and I'm not leaving here until I know that she's alright!" Peter insists, setting his jaw in a hard line. Tony knows that Peter is unlikely to give up knowing how stubborn he can be.

Tony sighs, "Fine, but you have to stay out of the living quarters until I tell you to come back. Got it?"

Peter nods then watches as Tony shuts the door to the living quarters.

As soon as he returns, Tony inquires about Jamie, "Any change?"

"No, not yet," Clint responds.

"Should it take this long? Is it possible that Cross did something to her?" Tony asks.

"Tony, you saw her the day her family was killed, was this how she was then?" Steve questions also needing to know if this is expected.

Tony looks over at Jamie again then roughly rubs the back of his head while looking away, "Yeah, that's pretty much what she was like."

"The way you described it, she didn't respond to anything for days then she slowly came out of it. This might not get better any time soon. Just responding to Hulk at all was a good sign," Steve comforts himself.

"Yeah, I just…" Tony sighs in frustration, "…I hate seeing her like this."

"Jamie, sleep," Hulk says to let everyone know of the change.

Steve walks over to Jamie and sees that she is sleeping. "Tony, she fell asleep. She felt safe enough to fall asleep, that's good." Then turns his attention to Hulk, "Should I lay her down on the couch?"

Hulk is quick to answer, "No, Hulk hold Jamie more."

Steve understands how he feels, holding Jamie while she is sleeping makes you feel like you're doing something and seeing her peacefully asleep is comforting.

 _In the park...Mom, Lizzy...Kill her. I want to go back to the park and die with them._

When I wake, Hulk is looking down at me, worried.

"Jamie ok?" Hulk asks.

With the sound of Hulk's rough, booming voice the others who have camped out in the living room including Nat wake up and turn their attention to Jamie.

Looking down at my hands, I lay my head against Hulk's chest, unable to talk, lost in my thoughts. _The park…Mom…Lizzy._

Steve comes over to me to try to get me to respond. "Jamie…Jamie, look at me."

 _Steve…the park, Mom, Lizzy._

Steve gently guides my face toward his by placing his finger under my chin. I look over and notice Steve there talking to me. Steve places his hands on either side of my face, "Jamie, talk to me." I adjust my gaze to avoid looking directly at Steve but he readjusts my face again, "Jamie, talk to me." I feel myself start to tremble with tears flowing down my cheeks. Steve, noticing that he's making progress, repeats, "Jamie, talk to me." Sobs begin rolling through me, unable to control my convulsing body. Hulk hands me to Steve who wraps his arms around me tight and lets me cry.

Daylight is just beginning to seep its way into the darkness. I sheepishly look around through red, damp eyes and see that everyone is there waiting for me, ready to help if needed. My mouth remains locked shut but I'm more aware now of the present. The urgent task of training my mind has returned along with the fears of failure, of letting my mother and sister down, and of potential danger looming over my life.

Steve looks at me, "Ready to talk?"

I shake my head and look away.

"Alright, we'll get there," Steve says more to himself than me, then looks around at the others hoping someone has an idea.

Taking a gamble, Tony comes over and kneels down in front of me, "Jamie, last night Peter accidentally saw you with Hulk." My face reddens in embarrassment and anger. "He was pretty upset and begged me to tell him what was wrong with you." Now I'm also sad for Peter. "I know you haven't been wanting Peter to know about any of this but I think he should know. Besides we might need him. Can I tell him what's going on?"

I look over at Steve who nods. Decide that it's not fair to keep Peter in the dark, I briefly look at Tony and nod before looking down again.

"I'm sure he's going to want to come see you. Is that ok?" Tony asks.

With wide, fearful eyes, I vehemently shake my head, horrified by the thought of Peter seeing me like this. Tony gently brushes some loose strands of hair behind my ear with a slight smile then heads out to talk to Peter.

Clint jumps up out of his seat and walks over to me, exclaiming, "Well it's time for breakfast…" then grabs my hand without stopping to give me the chance to refuse and heads to the kitchen with me in tow. Fortunately, he slowed down just enough for me to actually stand up or he would have been dragging me. Clint drops me off at the breakfast bar and begins to collect the cereal, milk, bowls and spoons. Within moments, there is a full bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch placed in front of me. Clint smiles at me when I glance up at him then he hands me the spoon, which I reluctantly accept and take a bite of food. Clint remains standing directly in front of me instead of sitting next to me, constantly watching me. "Come on take another bite," Clint encourages. I manage to eat three bites then put my spoon down.

I stand up and begin to walk toward my bedroom. Steve rushes over and blocks my path, "No, I don't want you to go to your room. You need to be out here with us." Feeling frustrated and trapped, I drop to the ground along the wall, with my knees up to my chin and lay my head down on my upturned palms. Steve kneels in front of me and softly implores, "I know it's hard but you need to try really hard to come out of this."

"Perhaps what she needs is to begin training. She doesn't need to talk in order to work her mind. In fact, her mind is already working overtime right now," Vision suggests, coming in moments before to check on me.

Steve looks over at the others then at me. "Yes, let's start training."


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Steve pulls me up to a standing position. "You're going to start training now." I don't move so Steve laces his left hand around my bicep and places his right arm along my back across my shoulder blades then begins to walk. My legs start to move with the force against my back. It's not that I am avoiding training, I just can't seem to wrap my head around what's going on.

We arrive at Tony's lab and Steve walks me over to an open area near Vision. "Train hard. I will be over there if you need me," Steve says while pointing to a little room off the side of the lab. "You won't be able to hurt me while I'm in that room because it is surrounded by bullet-proof glass." I simply nod then watch as Steve secures the doors then enters the control room to observe my training.

My fear of hurting someone bubbles inside, shifting my weight from one leg to the leg helps to control my anxiety. Vison begins the lesson, "Alright, Jamie let's get started. As you know, your mind has a very strong protective layer that you've been able to move without trying." I wince as he describes the circumstances around my family's deaths. "You need to learn to move the layer at will. This practice will also help the layer to be more flexible instead of break once moved." Vision pauses for a moment to let his words sink in before continuing. "Remember, at the lake, what it felt like to push against the layer. I want you to find that layer again." I search for the layer and much quicker than expected, I find it and begin to push. A sort of wind begins to emanate from me, ruffling the papers and other light, loose articles around the lab. "Good, Jamie, you've found the layer. Now begin to push out against it." The wind in the room begins to pick up speed and intensity, with myself at the eye of the storm. "Ok, good. Now, let the layer come back in slowly."

My emotions take over risking any sort of control that I had over the layer. I can't seem to let it back in as instructed. _Mom, Lizzy, Dad…You left me, you left me._ The anger and grief that boils just beneath the surface is violently exploding like a volcano. I scream, tears running down my face in torrents. Vision speaks again with urgency, "Jamie reign in your mind."

Steve watching the event unfold, leaves the security of the control room and runs to me, dropping to his knees in front of me. "Jamie! Jamie!" Steve holds my face between his hands, shouting, "Jamie!" Then wraps his arms around me as if his body could contain the blast. I feel Steve's comfort, his protection. The hurricane dies down as his presence calms me. Steve continues to hold me for a few minutes as my mind begins to clear.

"Ok that's enough training for today," Steve declares.

"No." Shaking my head, I refuse to stop now. "I know what's under there now, I think I can guard against it."

"Jamie, I don't think that's…"

"Steve, please. Let me try again," I plead.

"I think we should let her try again," Vision comments thoughtfully.

Reluctantly, Steve nods. "Ok, but I'm staying in this room with you."

"No. Please, you're safer in the control room."

"Yeah, I know, but you are only allowed to do this if I am in this room with you. Just be careful that you don't lose control."

I take a deep breath, filling my lungs with a calming breath. Closing my eyes to remove distractions, I feel around for the layer then slowly begin to push against it as the air in the room begins to whip around. Little by little, I push harder against the layer then pause until I feel like I'm in control then I push a little harder. When I begin to feel like I might lose control, I slowly let the layer back in. The air settles once more, but with me still in control. Once I feel confident that the layer is back in place, I open my eyes and look over at Steve who has a mixture of awe and pride written across his face.

"Good work, Jamie. Do it again," Vision directs with the training session in mind.

I'm only able to run through this drill a few more times before I pass out. I wake to everyone looking at me while I'm lying on Tony's couch. "Nope, this isn't awkward at all," I quip feeling a little more myself. Everyone smiles relieved that I am awake, that I was successful with training, and because I'm not only talking again but joking around.

Although, I'm absolutely exhausted from training and the emotional strain of the previous night, I decide to get a quick bite to eat since I really haven't eaten for more than twenty-four hours. Shortly into my lunch, Peter walks in to the kitchen. "Hey, are you ok?" Peter asks.

"I'm much better now, thanks."

"I was really worried about you. Mr. Stark finally explained things to me this morning. I'm really sorry about your family." Peter is falling over his words trying not to be over emotional making me even more uncomfortable and embarrassed. "I want to help defeat Cross if I can."

"Thanks, Peter." I say avoiding eye contact with him, feeling slightly embarrassed.

"Hey, so if you're not doing anything this afternoon, would you like to hang out?" Peter asks hopefully.

"Well, right now, I could use a nap. I didn't sleep well last night and the training was brutal. But maybe later this evening would work."

"Yeah, Jamie, sure thing," Peter says smiling.

"Here, make a sandwich and eat lunch with me." I say tossing him the lunch meat and bread. Peter smiles then sets out to make himself a sandwich. I can't help but to notice all of my parents watching from the living room with goofy grins. I roll my eyes but smile feeling cared for.

After lunch, I head to my room hoping to get a nap. Each time my eyes close, images of Cross at the park laughing like he knows something that I don't bombard me. I give up after about fifteen minutes still feeling tired but wanting to avoid thinking about Cross. So, I head back out to the living room where Steve, Clint and Nat are quietly talking. _I wonder if they're talking about me._ As soon as they notice me entering the room, they immediately stop talking. _Yes, they were talking about me._ "What's up?" I ask hoping they will just tell me.

"Nothing, I thought you were going to take a nap," Nat redirects the topic away from whatever they were talking about.

"You stopped talking when I entered the room, so I'm sure you were talking about something related to me. Were you talking about me specifically or something new about Cross?"

"We were talking about how much you needed a nap so why aren't you sleeping?"

"When I close my eyes all I see is Cross," I whine.

"Come here," Clint says while holding out one arm and setting up one of the couch pillows against his lap with the other. "This is what I do with my kids when they are having trouble sleeping. Here, lie down."

I lie down with my head on the pillow facing away from Clint while he rubs my forehead periodically tracing my eyebrows. It works, within a few minutes, I am asleep.

It feels like only seconds go by when I hear Clint shouting my name. I wake up startled and look around to see Clint still next to me on the couch, Steve kneeling beside the couch. Looking around, I notice that the room looks like a tornado hit. I know what this means, my mind was doing its thing again. With blood draining from my face, I plead, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," over and over as a realize that someone could have been injured. Steve is holding both of my arms just below my shoulders trying to get me to look at him and calm down.

Less than a minute goes by when Bruce, Tony and Nat come running into the room. "What happened?" Tony asks sharply as soon as he looks at the room.

"I'm sorry," I lament while backing away from everyone. "Don't come near me, I'm dangerous!"

Steve holds both hands open in front of his chest signaling he isn't going to hurt me but I continue to back away afraid that I will hurt him, "Don't!"

"Jamie, it's ok," Steve tries to cajole me.

"No, leave me alone!" I shout knowing I don't have any leverage to keep them away. "Vision," I call for help.

"How can I help?" Vision asks.

"Take me to Tony's lab, and don't let me explode!" I instruct.

Vision looks over at Tony for approval who nods in agreement. Steve interjects, "Vision no! Tony, she needs to be around us."

"Then go with her to my lab. She's right, she needs to be somewhere where she isn't going to hurt anyone," Tony's words, although relieved that I don't have to convince him, hurt being confirmed.

"Are you ready, Jamie?" Vision asks in his normal calm voice.

"Yes."

Vision escorts me to Tony's reinforced lab with a force field erected around me so I don't inadvertently explode and hurt everyone. Steve's anger and frustration radiates off of him as he also walks with us but remains a few feet behind. "I will bring down a bed and some of your clothing. Would you like anything else?" Vision offers to make my time in quarantine less uncomfortable.

"No, thank you. I'm fine," I say trying to keep my composure counting down the steps until I am no longer a danger to everyone here.

"Jamie, why do you want to be down here? We have other options," Steve finally speaks up when we reach the secure door to the lab and my new home.

"I don't want to hurt anyone else. I was sleeping, Steve, sleeping. I can kill people in my sleep, without even knowing what happened."

"Jamie you weren't even close to anyone getting hurt."

"Because you and Clint woke me up before it got any worse. Are you willing to watch me sleep so that you can wake me up as soon as it starts to happen?"

"Yes, I would and so would everyone else."

"Didn't you hear Tony? He also thinks I should be down here. He knows I could have hurt someone," I shriek trying not to cry.

Steve decides to try a different approach. "What were you dreaming about?"

"Cross, standing in the park, laughing."

"Were you trying to stop him in your dream or were you out of control?"

I think for a moment as Steve's questions pull me out of my self-loathing. "I wanted to stop him but I don't actually remember trying to stop him."

"What if we adjusted the device in your head only for training then returned it to the normal settings?" Steve suggests, his idea at least partially rooted in desperation to convince me to end my self-induced isolation.

"I don't know. Last time, I heard Cross talking to me, he was able to penetrate my mind. Do you think that would happened again? I can't risk Cross having access to my mind."

"I will need to ask Bruce." Steve quickly requests Bruce's presence in the lab. When Bruce arrives, Steve explains the question to him. Memories of the explosion ring in my brain reigniting my desire to be alone while the two of them work it out. _It doesn't really matter whether Bruce thinks I'm safe to be around or not. I'm planning to stay in Tony's lab until I know I won't hurt anyone._

"I think it would be safe to regularly make the adjustments and we should be able to do it, now that we know by how much to adjust, without affecting the protective layer's strength," Bruce explains.

"Jamie, what do you think?" Steve's voice brings me out of my reverie but not the contempt that I hold for myself.

"I think I deserve to be locked up in this lab."

Steve sighs, frustrated that the delicate balance between me being ok and being in crisis has tipped once again. "Well, if you're staying down here then I am too," Steve declares at the same moment that Nat and Clint also enter the lab both declaring they also will not leave.

"No, you all have to leave!" Tears start to flow because I don't want to be cared for or loved right now. I want to be punished, left here until I've paid for killing my family. _They don't understand!_ Through the anger and hatred, my mind's protective layer begins to quiver causing the loose items in the room to shuffle then blow around. I can't stop it, fueled by my extreme emotions of guilt and grief and by the memories that continuously flash refusing to let me forget the awful crimes that I have committed.

"Jamie!" Steve yells, trying to get me to calm down, to release the layer to prevent the explosion.

I drop to the ground and scream as the wind gusts top out at full hurricane strength. All I know is the pain inside of me. "Jamie! Stop!" Steve yells again without reaching me. Steve turns to Bruce, out of options, "Bruce, shut her down!"

Bruce reluctantly pulls out the remote from his pocket. "Now, Bruce!" Steve yells, ending his hesitation. With regret and sadness in his eyes, Bruce points the remote and pushes the button. The wind immediately stops, causing the flying objects to stop in midair and drop, just as my unconscious body.

 **A/N: I welcome comments.**


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

The intense throbbing pain in my head wakes me up. Instinctively, I reach up to rub my forehead, finding bandages wrapped around my head. "You have some small cuts on your forehead from that stunt. You made Bruce push the button, he's very upset," Tony chides from the other side of the room seeing that I'm wake and moving around.

"Why am I up here?" I argue through clenched teeth. "I should be locked up in your lab."

"No, you shouldn't be locked up in my lab," Tony remarks as if I said something completely outlandish, then sighs ashamed of his part in this. "I'm sorry, I eagerly accepted your idea without really thinking it through. We do still have the device in your head to control the severity of a possible blast and we have the remote to end one. Besides, I don't really want to give up my lab, I enjoy working in there."

Faced with the knowledge of what I can do and the frustration with my guardians, my body quakes with anger that I'm no longer in quarantine where I should be and he's turning it into a joke. Tony pulls up a chair to sit next to me, "What you're doing right now, the self-loathing, that is the most dangerous thing you do and that will only get worse if you are downstairs in my lab, especially if you're down there alone," Tony explains with a sadness in his eyes that I haven't seen before.

 _I don't want to stop hating myself, this is all my fault! I need to hurt, I need to be miserable._

"Do you think that your family, your mom, your dad, your sister, blame you for what happened? Do you really think that they want you to hate yourself?" Tony proposes to give me a different perspective. "I think if they saw you like this, that they would be devastated. They would blame Cross, and what happened to your dad, they would blame that piece of shit neighbor."

I cringe at the mention of the neighbor but quickly try to tuck it away again. Observing me closely, Tony notices my reaction and decides to jump on the opportunity. Closing the gap between us, he moves to sit on my bed and reaches over my midsection to put his hand on the bed next to my arm so he is directly in front of my face, not allowing me to avoid him. "What that boy did to you, that was not your fault," Tony says willing me to believe him. I attempt to look away so Tony reaches for my chin and directs me to look at him again. "What that boy did to you is not your fault."

A small whimper escapes, I try to get away from Tony, failing to avoid the confrontation. "What that boy did to you is not your fault."

"Stop!"

Tony doesn't yield, "What that boy did to you is not your fault."

"No!" I try to push Tony away but he grabs both of my arms and holds them down at my sides.

"What that boy did to you is not your fault."

With the pressure on, I scream and begin to weep, desperately struggling out of Tony's hold. Once my right arm gets free, I pound on his chest trying to get him to stop. Tony reaches around me bringing me into a restraining hug with one arm just below my shoulder blades and the other cradling my head. While I cry, Tony continues whispering, "It's not your fault…it's not your fault…it's not your fault."

The rest of the team watches the exchange from the hall then comes into my room circling around my bed, seeking to comfort me while they too are overcome with grief and sadness.

After I am all cried out, Tony moves his hold from a hug to holding my face in his hands to address me, "Jamie, you are so incredibly special to all of us. We actually fight over who gets to spend time with you because you are a great kid and we love you." I nod while looking down, afraid that I will start to cry again if I look at any of them. Here in this place, I am loved, I am safe to be me, I'm even safe to have this exploding layer around my mind.

The nurse walks in when it appears we are wrapping up the moment. "Alright everyone, Jamie is recovering from a head injury so she will need to calm down. However, would someone like to stay here with her to make sure that she doesn't go to sleep? For most people, I would say needing to stay awake is antiquated but with her unusual ability, I think staying awake is warranted."

Bruce agrees, "I was going to suggest that she stay awake for a while anyway; I was thinking at least four hours."

Before anyone has a chance to speak up, I interject, "Four hours! I spend more time in the infirmary's bed than I do in my own bed. It's a wonder I even remember the way to my bedroom." Everyone chuckles.

Clint smiles and says, "There's our girl."

I manage to stay awake for the prescribed four hours with the constant antics from everyone on the team. Steve tries to convince me that Peter should come visit too, but I absolutely refuse. For some reason everyone thinks that is funny. At the four-hour mark, the nurse comes into the room to check my pupils and asks about blurry vision or nausea. Since I'm feeling ok, she directs me to go to sleep now, but I have to stay in the infirmary for another day. "One of you can stay, but the rest should come back after she wakes up," instructs the nurse.

I look down sad that I have to choose just one feeling a little shy about asking someone to stay. "Tony, will you stay with me?"

"Yeah, honey, I'll stay with you," Tony says truly touched that I asked for him.

Steve smiles brightly at Tony, happy to see me feeling safe and loved with Tony instead of skittish around him. The team takes turns giving me a kiss on my head or a brief hug then leaves so I can get some rest. I lie down on my side facing Tony then reach out my hand so I can hold his hand while I sleep. "Love you, baby girl. Get some sleep now," Tony says while holding my hand with one hand and rubbing the side of my head with the other. I nod then close my eyes.

I sleep soundly for fifteen hours. I'm sure Tony was given some breaks, but when I wake, he is sitting next to me working on his tablet. Hearing me stir, he looks over to check on me and sees that I'm awake. "Good morning. How are you feeling?"

I assess the damage, "My head hurts."

"I'll get the nurse," Tony says gently kissing my forehead then briefly leaves my side.

The nurse checks my pupils and takes my vital signs. "So, your head hurts, as bad as last time?"

"Well, not quite as bad but pretty close."

"Ok. Tony, do you still have more of the pain pills that I gave you last time?"

"Yeah, we still have a few doses left," Tony explains.

"Good, I will go get a dose for now. She can have more every four hours. Once you take the pills you are free to go." The nurse looks a little sad for me but smiles before leaving the room.

Tony walks next to me on the way back to the living quarters. My legs feel unsteady so Tony locked his arm with mine to provide extra support. The team is going about their business with various tasks and leisure activities when they notice my return. Everyone stops to say hi, give hugs, and checks to see how I'm feeling. Tony, of course, sets me up again on the couch so he can keep an eye on me. "Hungry?" Tony asks still on Jamie duty.

"A little." Clint's not here this morning so my Cinnamon Toast Crunch buddy is missing.

"How about some toast?" Tony suggests given that I had some nausea.

I nod. After a few minutes, Tony brings me two pieces of buttered toast and an ice pack. I take a few bites then put the ice pack on my forehead and lie back on the couch. Steve brings up Peter again, "Peter wants to come visit you, are you up to it?"

"Not right now. My head is throbbing. Maybe later, maybe when I look a little more presentable after a shower," I'm almost pleading not wanting Peter to see me like this, all gross, injured, and needy.

"Need anything?" Steve asks.

"A new head please."

Steve chuckles then briefly rubs my arm before taking his seat on the couch.

Several hours go by and remarkably there's always at least one person with me which is nice. I am finally starting to feel more normal but am still a little shaky when I stand. My head is itchy and gross from not having a shower in however many days that it's been, I really can't remember. So, I ask Nat if she will stay in the bathroom with me while I shower. When I'm done, Nat blow dries my hair for me while I sit on the bench seat in the bathroom. I'm grateful for the care.

Peter is in the kitchen when I finish in the shower. _I didn't think Steve would take my 'after a shower' comment so literally._ Peter seems alarmed with the cuts and bruise on my forehead. "Oh hey, how are you feeling? I heard you fell and hit your head pretty good."

"Yeah, I still have a headache and feel a little shaky but overall I'm much better," I describe how I'm feeling without giving too much away then attempt to avoid any more contact right now, "Well, I'm going to my room to lay down."

Tony interjects, "Lay on the couch instead."

I sigh but obey, hoping Peter doesn't follow. "I have some homework to finish. I'll come say hi tomorrow, ok?" Peter asks.

"Sure," I smile happy to hear that he is leaving but also happy that he's planning to come back tomorrow.

Once Peter is gone, Nat shares a glance with Steve, then says to me, "You know, Jamie, I think Peter likes you."

I roll my eyes but secretly I'm tickled to hear that Peter might like me.

The five of us hang out in the living room together in comfortable silence. Everyone is happy for a calm evening.

I'm afraid to sleep in my room without someone available to flick the switch if my mind does that thing so Tony and Steve decide to let me sleep on the couch each planning to make sure that someone is in the room with me while I sleep. I close my eyes lightly sleeping next to Tony who allowed me to sleep up against him like before.

"Jamie has really latched onto you, it's nice to see. I think she's had an impact on you too," Steve comments.

"Yeah, I guess so," Tony says unsure of how to respond. "When I found out that the neighbor hurt her, well, I haven't been able to get that out of my mind."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. She didn't seem to be bothered much by it anymore. How did you know she needed to deal with it?"

Tony pauses, thinking about the conversation with Jamie, then rubs her forehead brushing his fingers through her hair. "When I first mentioned it, she flinched. I don't know if it was closer to the surface with the close call in my lab or what but the pain was there."

"It feels like a game changer for her," Steve comments.

Unaware of what the next day may bring, the rest of the night goes by without incident.


	18. Chapter 18

**Trigger warning. This chapter contains self-harm.**

Chapter 18

The next morning, I wake feeling better than I have in a long time. Steve is sitting in the chair across from me drinking coffee and reading the newspaper. "Good morning, kiddo. I love that smile." Steve's comment makes me blush and although I try to hide it, Steve notices but kindly doesn't bring attention to it.

"Breakfast?" Clint asks while getting out the bowls knowing that the answer will be 'yes' having settled into a routine.

I nod then take my seat at the breakfast bar next to Clint's normal seat. He joins me and pours two bowls of cereal while I add the milk. Tony walks into the room and says a quick good morning while getting coffee looking tired. "Sorry, looks like you didn't sleep well." I comment feeling awful that the bags under his eyes are my fault.

"Well, it looks like you did sleep well so it's totally worth it," Tony says then kisses the top of my head. I smile feeling loved.

Clint and I plan another shooting lesson for later that day and Steve suggests that I do another training session with Vision. I'm excited about shooting but much less excited about a training session. Wanting to get it over with, I decide to do the training session first so I can look forward to shooting with Clint afterward.

Vision and I head down to Tony's underground lab with the thick reinforced concrete and steel walls and bullet-proof glass where everyone else will be protected from me while I purposely push on the layer of my mind that has a bad habit of exploding. The training session begins much like the last one with Vision providing step-by-step instructions. However, this time, I can't seem to find the layer. "It's just gone. I don't know, I don't feel it. I'm pushing but there's no resistance, none at all."

Vision thinks for a moment, "Well, it is possible that with the progress you've made in dealing with past abuse, your protective layer is diminishing."

"Um, yeah, ok," I say half under my breath, feeling embarrassed and annoyed that Vision has no understanding of human feelings or social etiquette. Steve comes into the lab having heard Vision's interpretation of my training difficulties to shield me from his innocence.

"How about a break?" Steve asks allowing me to leave the uncomfortable situation with Vision. We make our way back upstairs, in silence, both thinking about what Vision indiscreetly explained. "Maybe we should mention this to Bruce," Steve suggests.

"Yeah, sure. It would be nice to know if Vision's explanation is possible."

Steve and I go directly to Bruce's lab where Steve shares what Vision said then I describe what happened during the training and what it felt like. "Absolutely, I think it's possible for the layer to shrink when it's not needed."

"Won't that leave me unprotected from Cross?"

"Well, yes, but I can give you the same ear piece that the others wear to protect your mind from the weapon," Bruce explains already moving to retrieve the tiny mechanism.

"Ok good," I say feeling better about this possible new vulnerability accepting the ear piece, allowing Bruce to help put it into my ear canal correctly.

With our questions answered we head back to the kitchen to meet up with the others. We share what happened with them as well. Although I will be less protected, everyone is excited about this change. Clint makes good on his promise to shoot with me, still keeping me inside just in case. I am making progress and am able to use one of the harder bows now. When we run out of arrows, Clint and I head to the kitchen for lunch each eating a sandwich. Clint sits down at the table to read the newspaper that was left unattended.

When all of my sandwich is gone and my belly is full, I stand to put my dishes in the sink when I notice the date on Clint's newspaper. Immediately, the blood drains from my face and tears sting my eyes. Everyone wonders what happened as they see me take off running to my room and hear the door slam.

A few moments later, Steve's knocking is met with a locked door and silence. "Jamie, let me in."

I don't want to answer the door. I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to look at anyone. Knowing it's only a matter of time before Tony removes the door from the hinges, I hide in the back of my closet with my knees against my chest, arms wrapped around my legs, and my face tucked in at my knees. "Jamie, unlock the door," Steve instructs again, with more urgency than the last time.

 _How could I forget?_ I think to myself as anger boils inside me. _I'm awful…I need to be punished._ I briefly abandon my hiding spot so I can rummage through the drawers looking for something sharp. I find a shaver which I quickly break and remove the razor. With my tool in hand, I head back to the closet, lift up my pant legs as far as they will go and begin slicing through my delicate skin. Immediately, blood begins to run down both sides of my legs, the pain is welcomed. My body continues to tremble with anger as I administer the punishment. The cuts from the screw are quickly covered up with new, fresh wounds. Most cuts are deeper than I intend but at this moment I don't care. I don't care if I scar and I don't care if I die.

The sound of the power screwdriver removing the door from the hinges brings me back to the present, calming some of my rage. _I_ _hope they never find me, I hope I die here in this closet._ I think to myself as my room fills with the sounds of the team calling my name, "Jamie?"

Within seconds, Nat spots me in the closet, quickly seeing what I've done. Nat is careful how she approaches me seeing that I still have the razor in my blood covered hand. "She's in here," Nat calls to the team her eyes fixed on me. Once they enter the room she quietly says, "She hurt herself."

"Come out of the closet," Nat says softly reaching her arm out to me.

I grip the razor tighter between my fingers unwilling to leave my safe corner. "Ok, ok, you can stay in the closet if you want. Will you at least give me the razor?" Nat says while holding out her hand. At first, I don't respond but then Nat inches a little closer so I try to squeeze further into the closet maintaining my grip. "Ok. Well, I can't back away until I get the razor." I know Nat or any of them can pounce on me at any time so I maintain a visual on them without making eye contact.

With his recent breakthroughs with me, Tony decides to try, although clearly upset with the situation. "What happened in the kitchen? It seemed like things were ok." I shake my head, unwilling to risk talking, afraid that I will explode. "You were fine until you saw the newspaper. What did you see in the newspaper?" His questioning is in vain, I still won't talk. Frustrated that I'm not responding, Tony spits, "Well, who will you talk to?" I flinch at his angry, curt tone. Tony backs away unsure of what to do next running his hands through his hair.

Steve is whispering to Tony and Clint who quickly leave the room. _What are they going to do?_ I think to myself mentally preparing for a possible fight. Steve and Nat remain a few feet away from me, waiting. Tony returns and shows Steve a piece of paper who shows the paper to Nat. Steve kneels down in front of me careful to remain back a little. "Jamie, your sister, her birthday was yesterday." Steve nails it, the sobs hit me hard, unable to hold anything back. He carefully comes closer, reaches over to me then, seeing that I haven't moved away, pulls me onto his lap. Nat takes the razor out of my hand while Steve keeps me cradled against his chest. With the razor out of my hand, Clint and Tony crumble onto the floor relieved the crisis has passed. Everyone sits in silence while I cry.

When I calm down, Steve says, "We need to get your legs looked at."

"No, they'll tie me to the bed again!" I shout darting out of Steve's lap and back into my hiding space under the hanging clothes, fear etched on my face.

"Will you let Nat look at them?" Steve asks trying hard not to sound frustrated. I nod.

"Ok, we can have Nat look at them but you have to come out of the closet and lay on your bed," Steve negotiates.

"I want everyone else to leave first." They agree to my terms. Nat gets the first aid kit while I get situated on the bed still curled up to feel more secure. Steve sticks around not willing to leave me alone even for a minute.

"Can I sit with you?" Steve asks carefully seeing that I'm still teetering on emotional collapse.

I nod.

"Jamie, why didn't you tell us that you were upset?" Steve asks.

"I hate myself for forgetting about my sister!" I growl tears following again.

Steve wraps his arms around me. "You didn't forget about her. There's been a lot going on, I'm sure you didn't even know what day it was. Jamie, you will never forget her or your mom and dad. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Shut up!" I scream while pushing Steve away. Seeing that I'm on the verge of another crisis, Steve grabs my arms then moves to sit behind me pinning my arms against my middle holding me tightly against his chest.

"Stop!" I try to get free from his hold, but I don't fight long. I just weep feeling like I should be punished, that I should be restrained. Either he can punish me by restraining me or I will hurt myself again. One way or another, I need to be miserable. Nat returns with the first aid kit and doesn't bat an eye when she sees me restrained, like she would have been surprised if Steve wasn't holding me tightly against his chest.

Nat checks my wounds. "Some of these are pretty deep. She probably should have stitches."

"No!" I scream, "Leave me alone!" Without a hint of frustration or even inconvenience, Nat holds down my legs when I start to kick.

Steve looks for an alternative to help me calm down, "Do you think butterfly closures will work?"

"Butterfly closures need more room to grip the skin on either side, some of these cuts are pretty close and a few overlap." Steve sighs knowing he will have to get me to the infirmary for stitches. "I can probably do it but we will need help holding her down."

"Jamie, you need stitches. Would you rather go to the infirmary for the nurse to do it or stay here and let Nat do it? If you stay here, we will need Clint and Tony to help too."

"Leave me alone!"

"Right now, I'm giving you a choice but if you don't choose one of the options I will have to choose for you," Steve says as calmly as he can, hoping that I make the choice.

"Stay here!" I shout out of anger, my body shaking, my fists clenched with my knuckles white.

"I'll go let the others know what's going on," Nat says then slowly let's go of my legs to see if I fight before leaving the room.

Nat returns with Clint and Tony. "First, we need to give her morphine and numb her legs. Clint hold down her legs, she likes to kick so be careful. Tony, Steve will hold her arms against her torso but I need to inject the morphine into her arm so to start, hold her arm down extended." Everyone takes position. _I don't want morphine, I want the pain_. Fighting against their hold, angry with myself, desperate to punish myself, and unable to stop them, I begin to weep. "Ok, the morphine will kick in pretty quick and so will the topical anesthetic. Tony, hold down her hips." Tony looks over at Nat alarmed. "Just lay across her abdomen, it's fine." Tony decides to lie facing me. _I don't want him to look at me._

"Why didn't you tell someone about this?" Tony asks, partly to find out more and partly to keep me occupied while Nat works.

I shake my head refusing to talk, my gaze coming to rest just off to the side of Tony.

Tony reaches over and places his finger under my chin to encourage me to look at him. "Hey, talk to me." I remain silent. Tony thinks for a moment then asks, "How should we celebrate your sister's birthday?"

The question takes me completely off guard causing me to relax my body some while I gape at Tony trying to understand what he's saying. "We should celebrate her life. You weren't aware of the date but now you are so we should celebrate."

I'm not sure what to say.

Tony continues, seeing that he has my attention, "Tell me about your sister. What did she like?"

I feel sadness creep in as I think about Lizzy. "She was always happy, always smiling. Even though she was so much younger, all of my friends liked when she hung out with us. We did everything together. She really liked horses. She never actually rode on a horse, she just thought they were beautiful."

"Sounds like you two were very close," Tony says smiling sadly at me.

I nod with a fresh round of tears. Steve adjusts from a restraint to a wraparound hug and Tony sits up, ending the restraint, but stays close more to comfort than protect. Nat finishes stitching up my legs, cleans up then sits on the floor next to my bed. Clint lets go of my legs, sitting in silence rubbing his forehead trying to keep his own emotions in check. The last hour went from a comfortable calm to crisis and now we are all emotionally exhausted.

After what felt like a long time, when the tears have run dry, I lie against Steve's chest, too tired to move. He doesn't mind continuing to hold me which helps him to feel better too. Clint, Nat, and Tony leave the room giving me space to rest.

Thinking about everything that has happened in such a short time, I lament, "I'm tired of feeling bad."

"I know. But things will get better. When someone we love dies or we lose something special to us, we need to grieve and that takes time," Steve explains understanding that living through it is much harder than he makes it sound.

"I'm sorry…I'm making everyone miserable. I believe that you don't want me to leave but I wouldn't be mad at you if you wanted me to go now."

Steve sighs, "I'm happy to hear that you believe that we want you here but, no, we won't be sending you away. Things are hard right now but we are having more and more good times, right?"

"Yeah, I guess. I sort of feel like a volcano that can erupt at any time. I thought I was getting better too but look what I did to my legs, that's the worst yet."

"I know, but things will get better."

Steve continues to hold me until I fall asleep.

 **A/N**

 **As always, please review. I would love feedback and any suggestions.**


	19. Chapter 19

**I do not own or profit from the wonderful Marvel characters.**

Chapter 19

Daylight is just starting to break through my shades when Clint's familiar yet unexpected voice fills my room. "Good morning."

Jumping out of bed, scared, I yell furiously at Clint, "Why are you here? You should be at home. Go home!"

"What's going on?" Confusion etched on Clint's face, hands up near his chest, palms facing out showing me he's not going to hurt me.

"You shouldn't be here, go home!"

"Why shouldn't I be here?" Clint remains calm but concerned.

"You have to be at home, not here with me. Your family won't like me if you're here all the time. They have to like me or they won't want me. You need to leave…now! Please!"

Clint gets up and walks over to me. "Jamie, listen…"

I back away, shaking my head, attempting to maintain a safe distance hoping that by not accepting his presence that Clint's family won't blame me, "No, you have to leave!"

Clint reaches out to grab my arms but I start to swat at him.

"Go home, please! They have to like me!"

Hearing the yelling, Steve comes into my room pausing briefly to assess what's going on, then seeing me aggressing on Clint, comes from behind to restrain my arms. Clint takes the opportunity to talk to me. "Jamie, I was at home, last evening. I just arrived here a little early today. No one is mad at you."

I am breathing heavy, crying, "No, you have to leave! They have to like me!"

No amount of reason will reach me which Steve recognizes immediately, signaling Clint to wait until I calm down to talk. A few minutes go by before I stop fighting and am coherent enough to talk and listen instead of yell. Clint starts, "Jamie, it's my job to make sure that everyone is getting what they need. That includes my wife, my three kids, and you. Everyone gets to have special time with me as well as family time. If someone starts to feel like they need more then they need to say something. In any family, there will likely be some jealousy that will need to be dealt with but that won't change how Laura or I feel about you. You will not lose your home or family because someone else is jealous, ok?"

I nod but the insecurity hasn't subsided, only believing that he wants his words to be true not that they actually are. Steve begins to loosen his grip slowly in case he needs to restrain me again. "Go back to bed Steve. Sorry I woke you up." I don't want Steve to hate me either.

Steve agrees to go back to bed as long as I try to go back to sleep too. I hesitate still feeling amped up. Clint sits on the side of my bed, "Go ahead, lie down," Clint says. Once I comply, Clint begins to rub my forehead tracing my eyebrows. Within moments, I am asleep again.

The sun is brightly shining into my room when I finally wake. Clint is still sitting next to me on the bed. He sees that my eyes are open but waits to gauge my mood before speaking. "Hi," I say sheepishly, remembering how I behaved during the night. "Sorry I hit you and yelled at you earlier."

Clint smiles and says, "It's ok, I know this is hard," then he wraps his arm around me for a side hug.

A few minutes later, Nat comes into my room, "I hear someone is finally awake. Sleep well?"

I nod not wanting to talk about the incident during the night.

"We have a full day planned so you need to get dressed," Nat says.

"A full day of what?" I ask feeling a combination of confusion and concern.

Nat doesn't want to divulge too much yet, "You'll see. Come on, I want to check your legs and change the bandages."

 _Oh, I see, Nat's here so I'm not alone in the bathroom._

I sigh feeling embarrassed about my behavior and not having privacy in the bathroom. I head into the bathroom with Nat close behind, "I'm not allowed to go to the bathroom without you, right?"

"Right."

I sigh, _I should have guessed that would happen._

When I'm ready, we walk down to the kitchen together. Nat tries to hide her excitement behind a stern look but I can feel the hidden emotion.

"Whoa," I manage to say surprised, my mouth hanging open while I take in the scene. The dining area is decked out with balloons with a big sign over the bay window reading, 'Happy Birthday' outlined with streamers. There's also a stack of pancakes on the table waiting for me.

Tony, clearly excited, reports, "Today is Lizzy's party. First a special breakfast and then to the training hall for games. Later we will eat cake and ice cream. See?" Tony holds up the cake with a big grin. There's an image of a horse made out of brown frosting that says, 'Happy Birthday Lizzy.' I smile amazed that Tony did all of this and happy that he cared enough to make it happen. I give Tony a big hug, a few tears running down my cheeks, feeling loved that Tony did all of this for me.

We all sit down at the table and eat pancakes together. The mood is festive yet solemn, a confusing mixture of sadness and happiness fills me. I don't know if Tony knew somehow or just a lucky guess but Lizzy loved pancakes.

When we finish eating we head to the training room where Clint and I practice shooting. There are materials gathered for various games that a kid might like to play. First, we play red light/green light. It seems so silly for a bunch of adults to play this game but that's half the fun and Lizzy, absolutely, would have loved it. Then, we play Twister. I try to play a round but it hurts my wounded legs so I sit out and watch the others play. Bruce falls a lot, always with a big goofy grin. Next, we play musical chairs, extreme edition. The chairs are hidden around the room then we race to find a chair when the music ends. Bruce was the first one out. Finally, Tony completely shocks me when he leads a real horse into the oversized room.

Her name is Majesty, she's the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. Her brown coat is exceptionally shiny, standing nearly six feet tall. She looks at me, lowering her head toward me so I can pet her. I stroke her long brown hair and begin to cry; Lizzy would have loved this more than anything. The horse seems to instinctually know that I am hurting so she nuzzles her nose up to my face. I wrap my arms around the horse's neck then, in response, the horse leans her head against my back. My wounds are hurting some so I decide not to ride her but getting to see her and the horse sort of hugging me, it feels like Lizzy is with me. "Thank you so much. This is perfect." Tony accepts my hug, a few tears of his own running down his cheek.

"How about cake and ice cream?" Tony suggestion and big smile is met with an enthusiastic nod.

Tony asks me if I want to sing 'Happy Birthday' but I decline afraid that I might get upset. We eat the cake and pick our favorite flavor of ice cream. Although happy, I look out the large bay window with my knees against my chest thinking about Lizzy, missing her. Tony quietly joins me on the bench seat. "Thanks Tony, today was so great."

Tony recognizes the sadness but doesn't acknowledge it instead focuses on my gratitude and the fun that we all had together. He gets up from the bench, kisses my head, then leaves me alone to think, remember, and grieve. I know, though, if I need any of them they will be there for me, all I have to do is ask, maybe not even that.

 **Please review. I love getting feedback and ideas.**


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

"Hello sir, how may I serve you?"

"Ah, hello Franklin. It is such a pleasure to see you," says the oddly sing-song voice whose face is mostly hidden from view under his hat. "How are we doing over at the compound?"

"Her mind is weakening, they appear to be helping her recover from past traumas."

"Oh, are they? They sound like such nice people. But I simply cannot allow my sweet princess to lose such a powerful, beautiful mind."

"Of course, sir."

"I have noticed that I've been able to reach inside her mind a few times although I'm always rudely kicked out." The voice says as if a child had his favorite toy taken away. "I want to play with her without their meddling. Bring her to me."

"Bring her here to play, yes, that sounds like fun," says the security guard while leaving Cross' cell.

Steve decided to keep the door off of the hinges for the time being and I still have someone with me at all times. I guess it's for the best since I can go from zero to sixty in a matter of seconds. Yesterday was fun and special, celebrating Lizzy's birthday, although emotional, felt right. I miss them all so much and I haven't been able to kid the constant sadness since the party. "Penny for your thoughts?" Nat asks while I get ready in the bathroom.

"Huh?" I say feeling like I'm only sort of present.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Oh, um…nothing."

"Jamie, the look on your face does not say 'nothing.' Come on, I'm trained to see through lies."

I sigh looking down at my hands. _I know if I talk about it now, I will start to cry._ "Ok, it's not nothing but I don't want to talk right now." That should at least keep her off my back for a while.

We meet up with everyone at breakfast and, of course, Clint has our usual already set up. "Peter has been asking about you," Clint remarks in between bites.

"Oh," I say unable to shake my sadness.

"Well?" Clint asks having expected more of a response but is left hanging. "Jamie?" Clint tries to get my attention again.

I look over at him aware that he's talking to me, but I feel no urgency to respond.

"Jamie, are you alright?" Clint asks, putting his hand on my shoulder.

"I'm fine. Just not hungry I guess." Eager to escape their presence, I get up and walk toward my room. Amazingly, no one follows me right away.

"Nat, was she like that this morning with you?" Steve asks still looking in the direction of Jamie's room with a deep crease across his brow.

"Yeah. At first, she said that she was fine but when I pushed she just said that she doesn't want to talk about it," Nat explains.

Tony chimes in, "She's sad. I imagine she's thinking about her family."

"Yeah, you're probably right, I just want to help her feel happy again," Clint says then heads down to Jamie's room.

"Hi there, kiddo, can I come in?" Clint asks from the doorway.

"Sure."

"Want to talk about what's going on?"

"Nothing is going on."

"Hmm, Nat said that you told her that too but like Nat, I also have training in how to spot a lie. So, what's up?"

"I feel sad, but I don't want to talk about it," I say with little affect.

"Ok, I appreciate that you shared that you're feeling sad with me. When my kids feel sad, we snuggle up together. Would you like that?" Clint asks hoping to help in some way.

I nod. Clint makes himself comfortable on my bed, sitting right beside the pillow, he props his feet up on the bed then positions the pillow for me. I snuggle up against Clint while he just sits with his arm around me. Although the sadness is still there, it's nice to feel loved and less alone. Clint stays with me for a long time, allowing me to soak up some love without making myself more vulnerable by talking.

Tony comes into my room and sees Clint and I snuggling on the bed. "I'm so jealous, how about snuggling with me next. Maybe on the couch so we can watch a movie together. What do you think?"

I nod then sit up and say thank you to Clint.

Tony selects a movie, one of his favorites, from his movie library. He gets comfortable on the couch then signals to me to sit next to him. I comply looking forward to more snuggle time. The movie starts but I don't actually watch much of it because I fall into a light sleep.

 _Lizzy and I play tag together in the park, laughing and having fun until Lizzy changes, becoming zombie-like, then stiffly walks over to an object laying on the ground with a blank expression. "What is it?" I ask. All of a sudden Lizzy is sucked into the object. I run over to where she was standing, yelling her name, looking for her but all I see is the offending object, a frisbee covered in blood. Looking to my right, I see Lizzy lying on the ground next to me, dead, amongst the debris._

I wake up breathing heavy, panicked, trying to make sense of the dream which is already falling away. Within moments, all that is left from my dream, is the feeling that I should have done something to save Lizzy. I start to cry thinking about my little sister, dead. Tony wraps his arms around me, holding me while I cry. At some point, Steve comes into the room, seeing me sad and upset, he sits down on the coffee table in front of me and asks, "What happened?" Tony releases me from the hug so I can respond but I just shake my head.

"Talking about it might help," Steve suggests.

Tears still flowing, I vehemently shake my head again.

"Ok, maybe later." Steve gently wipes away the tears from my cheeks. "Come on, I made my world-famous chili for dinner."

I'm hungry but I comply, sitting down at the table between Steve and Nat. We all serve ourselves from the pot in the middle of the table. When the ladle is passed to me, I take some chili then manage to eat a few bites before my mind wonders back to Lizzy.

I hear Nat saying my name, "Jamie…Jamie." I look over seeing Nat's mouth moving, talking to me, moments before I begin to hear the sound. "Can you hand me the cheese?" I look over at the cheese, reach for it then hand it to Nat. Being back in the present, I take a few more bites of chili. Remaining at the table is difficult. I look to each side, wanting to leave but notice that Nat and Steve placed me in the middle seat along the wall so I can't leave until one of them move, smart. Having parents who are highly trained, highly skilled operatives makes life interesting and challenging and frustrating. I probably won't be able to get away with anything.

"May I be excused, please?" I ask hoping the trap wasn't intentional but I know better.

"Stay here with us for a while. It's not good for you to hide in your room when you're not feeling well," Steve encourages, rubbing my back.

"Please," I start to tear up, overwhelmed.

"First you need to talk about what's bothering you," Nat says.

"Please don't do this. I'm not going to hurt myself, I promise," I try to ease their concern knowing of no other way to avoid having to talk.

"That's great that you won't hurt yourself, but you still need to talk before you can leave," Nat explains not willing to budge.

First shoving my half-eaten bowl of chili causing the remaining soup to spill out of the tipped bowl, I drop my head into my hands and lower myself so my hands are on the table as I start to cry, hard. I don't even know why I'm crying. _Why are they doing this?_ I think to myself, panicked that they are making me talk. _I'm going to lose it, I can't talk right now._ They haven't said anything to me. If they were talking, I might find a loophole, some wiggle room to avoid talking, but nothing. They simply won't let me get up until I talk. I haven't given up yet. I reposition my arms so I can rest my head, _if they won't let me leave, I will take a nap_. "Sit up," Steve instructs firm yet gentle.

I shake my head.

The next thing I know, the dining table is moved out from under me. Tony, Clint and Bruce move their chairs around to sit in a tight circle around me. I cross my arms in defiance. "Please tell us what's bothering you," Steve requests again.

"No!" I yell. "I can't, if I start I'll, I just can't!" I say, frustrated that I've been backed into a corner.

"Why can't you talk about it?" Steve asks.

"It's too much, I don't want to feel it anymore."

"What? What's too much?" Clint asks.

Tony interjects, "Jamie, listen. Sometimes when someone we love dies, the grief is so great, that we feel like we're going to drown in it. Sometimes we have feelings about it that we don't understand. All of that is normal and is part of the process of healing."

I look at Tony as if he was reading my mind. I nod, everything that Tony said makes sense.

"When my parents died, I lost my entire family. I felt lost, scared, sad, angry, guilt, regret. What do you feel?"

"Sad, guilt, fear."

"Ok, good. That's a start. I felt regret because I didn't get along with my dad, we didn't have the chance to make things right. Ok, your turn."

"I feel…sad, because…" Fresh tears run down my cheeks, I shake my head not willing to go any further.

"Ok, back up, do a different one. How about guilt?" Tony helps to redirect my thoughts.

I take a moment to collect myself as best I can, "I feel guilt, because I didn't let my dad help me when I was little so I ended up killing everyone." I hang on that for a moment, the feeling overwhelming me, my body begins to shake. "I want to stop! Please."

Steve replies, "You did good, you can go."

Quickly, I dart out of the kitchen and go to my room. Nat follows me to make sure that I don't hurt myself. Without that option for release, I curl up in a ball on my bed and pull the covers over my head, still shaking. Nat sits on my bed and rubs my back. Eventually, I doze off into disturbed sleep.

 _Standing in the dark. One by one each of the Avengers shouts at me: Go away! We don't want you here! Leave! Nobody loves you! You don't belong here!_

"Jamie, wake up, Jamie." Steve's voice rings through into my dream, bringing me back. "Hey, wake up. You're having a bad dream." Breathing heavy with my heart pounding in my chest, Steve tries to comfort me. He sits on the side of my bed and puts his hands right below each shoulder to encourage me to look at him, "Jamie?" I roll over not wanting to face him. My insecurities return, the dream feeling like confirmation of what I've suspected all along. "Jamie, talk to me please. It feels like we're starting over."

"You can get rid of me if you want," I murmur, rejection stinging, fresh from my dream.

"Jamie, we all want you here."

"Whatever," I spit back.

Steve sighs, sounding very frustrated. "What happened?"

"Nothing."

"Jamie…"

"Please leave me alone."

Steve sighs, knowing he can't reach me right now. "Alright, I'll be close by though."

Steve leaves the room, hesitating at the door. _I think I hurt his feelings. Oh well, I can't think about that now._ Steve left me alone _. If I'm going to get out of here, I need to do it now._ Filling my backpack with a few essentials, acting on my decision, I take one last look at my room, feeling sad that this didn't work out. _I don't deserve this anyway._ I peek around the door frame, looking left and right, _it's clear_. I head down the hallway and through the side exit then run across the expansive lawn, with longing as I pass the lake. Tears begin to fall as I think about what could have been if only I wasn't so bad.

FRIDAY announces that I've left the building. _Shit I don't have much time. Maybe they really do want me to leave, maybe they won't come after me._ Seconds later, Steve starts calling my name. _They have access to night vision so I need to keep moving. I won't be able to hide from them._ Nat, Tony, and Bruce start calling my name too. _Just keep running, they really don't want you, don't be stupid._ I cry harder, wanting to be loved, to belong. I feel a sharp pain in my head that stuns me, dropping me to the ground. I scream. "Jamie! Jamie!" _Someone's calling my name;_ _I think it's Tony. Maybe they do want me_. I think briefly before every thing goes dark.

"Jamie," Tony calls in the distance. "Jamie!" As I become aware again, I looking around through sharp pains in my forehead, trying to piece it all together. _Right, I'm leaving._ I resume running toward the exit finding myself at the locked front gate of the compound. O _k,_ _how do I get around the lock?_ The gate suddenly pops open, _weird._ Tony spots me just as I start to move through the gate, "Jamie, wait!" I stop, knowing that I can't outrun them. Tony is coming my way but I feel someone grab me, putting a cloth with a strong-smelling chemical on it over my mouth and nose. Everything goes dark.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

-The Team-

"Cross has her. I don't know how, but he does," Tony seethes, frustrated that despite all of their best efforts, Jamie is in danger. "Steve, you were with her last, what happened?"

"She had a bad dream. When she woke up, she didn't want me around. She made a comment about us getting rid of her," Steve explains, shaking his head. "She also had a strong reaction to Clint being here this morning. I don't get it, she just changed all of a sudden."

"Wait, you said she had a bad dream?" Bruce asks hearing about the dream sent red flags up in his mind.

"Yeah."

"And when she woke up she was talking about something that doesn't make sense for where she has been emotionally."

"Yeah."

"Cross must've used his mind control device on her. I thought her protective layer would have regenerated but maybe he found another way in," Bruce talks to himself, thinking through the problem.

"So, Cross has been feeding her lies in her sleep," Nat nearly shouts, flabbergasted.

"Shit! How did we miss that?" Tony's words reverberate with everyone.

"I haven't had enough time to study Jamie's mind, I don't really know what a protected level is or how to attain it," Bruce explains, feeling the need to defend himself to the team but also to himself for missing it.

"We need to pay Cross a visit," Steve says, switching into Captain America mode.

-Cross's Room, Federal Prison-

Confused, trying to piece together what happened and where I am, I quickly realize that I'm restrained and there's something over my head so I can't see. "Hello?" Tentatively, I ask, filled with fear.

The sack is forcefully yanked off my head, the rapid change in brightness causes me to wince and squint until my eyes adjust. "Oh, hello, my precious, sweet child. I have missed you so. How have you been? Oh,…" Cross feigns sincerity but struggles to hide his smug grin, "…not well I supposed with all of those bad dreams."

"What do you want?" The boldness in my words temporarily mask the panic I feel.

"You sound so angry. Maybe we should play some games first to soften you up a bit." Cross says, then the sack is returned over my head, just as forcefully as when it was removed.

I growl and yank against my restraints but it's no use, I am unable to move any part of my body except my fingers and toes. _What is he going to do?_ I think to myself, more afraid than I have ever been in my life.

"Are you ready my child?"

"Don't call me that, I'm not a child."

"I guess not. But we should take a look back when you were a child. Do you remember…" Cross says with unsettling calmness then I am no longer in the room with him but am a little girl. I am momentarily disoriented until I hear a baby coo from the other room. _Lizzy!_ I run over and touch my baby sister, _she's real_.

-Jamie's Mind-

"Jamie, what's all this fuss about?" Mom asks.

 _Mom_! "Oh Mom, I'm so happy to see you; I love you so much." With my uncharacteristic reaction, Mom looks at me like I've lost my marbles but I think she's happy to see me.

"Hi sweetie. Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I just missed you."

"Missed me? But you just left the room a minute ago."

"Oh right, yeah, but still, I missed you."

"Well, I love you, too, sweetie."

"Hello? I'm home." I hear my dad calling from the front door. _Dad!_

I run as fast as my little legs will carry me to the front door and jump into my dad's arms, crying. "Oh Dad. I missed you so much! Don't leave me ever again."

Dad looks over at Mom for an explanation. Mom shrugs her shoulders. I don't mind. I get to be with my mom and dad again. Everything feels perfect.

"Is everyone ready?" My dad looks expectantly at me for my response.

"Ready for what?"

"You don't remember? Mom and I are going on a day trip. You and Lizzy get to hang out with Mrs. Hillary. She only has a teenaged son but you can take a few of your toys with you to her house."

"No…I don't want to go there! I want to stay here with you and Mom."

"Jamie, what has gotten into you. You were so excited to go play at Mrs. Hillary's house because she is so nice." Dad says lowering me to the ground until my feet touch the floor.

I look down feeling scolded.

"Go get your stuff," Dad instructs firmly.

"But Dad…"

"Go," my dad's stern response cuts off any further complaints.

Slowly, I shuffle off to my room to collect my backpack and fill it with a few toys and my coloring book.

-The Team-

"We need to talk to Cross again but he never gives anything up, I've tried," Nat explains.

"We need to assume everyone at the prison is a possible accomplice. With his device they don't have any choice but to comply." Steve says.

"Jamie's tracker turned off at the prison, she must be there," Bruce says.

"Can you shut her down if Cross found a way to use her as a weapon?" Tony asks Bruce needing to know what they were dealing with, trying to forget that the victim is Jamie but rather some unknown person.

"Not from here. I should be able to do it once I'm near the prison, unless…" Bruce says.

"Unless what?" Tony asks.

"Unless Cross has deactivated it somehow. I won't know until I get there," Bruce says.

"Fine, keep us posted. FRIDAY, is Clint here yet?" Steve asks.

"Yes, he just arrived, sir."

"Alright, let's move out. Remember the security guards may be under Cross's control so be careful to protect yourselves from anyone and keep in mind that we would like to reverse the effects of the mind control instead of taking them out." Steve thinks for a moment. "Bruce, can you use the reversal on a large group of people at the same time?"

"I see where you're going with this. I'll start working on that now. Theoretically, yes," Bruce replies.

-Jamie's Mind-

Much to Mrs. Hillary's dismay, I haven't left her side, my fear of that boy, Marcus, Mrs. Hillary's son is a strong motivator. He's mean. "Honey, how about you watch some TV, I need to make dinner," Mrs. Hillary asks nicely but I know she's frustrated so, I begrudgingly comply. Watching cartoons on TV seems like a safe activity, but I'm constantly keeping an eye out for him. My stomach flips when I hear someone say my name, _Oh no, it's Marcus._

"Come play with me," Marcus says in an mockingly sweet tone.

"No, I'm watching TV." _Please leave me alone._

"But Lizzy's coming to play with me, you should too."

The blood drains from my head. Slowly, I stand up and do as Marcus says. He leads me to his room, then shuts and locks the door behind him. "I'm so glad you decided to come play with me." Marcus puts Lizzy, who is asleep in her car seat, on his desk, remaining between Lizzy and me.

"After we play, you can have Lizzy back."

Too scare to respond and too scared to cry, I remain as still as possible. "Take your clothes off."

I shake my head, I know I'm not allowed to do that.

Marcus grabs a small pocket knife and holds it near Lizzy with the blade extended. Believe he will hurt her, I immediately remove my clothes. Marcus smiles, "Good girl."

I am standing in his room, naked, trying to adjust my body so that I am still covered. "Lay down on my bed," Marcus says quietly while still holding the knife near Lizzy. Again, I comply.

"Good, now put your arms together above your head." I comply, moving my arms so they are outstretched above my head. Marcus stalks over to me and ties my wrists to his head board. With running away no longer an option, I start to squirm, desperate to get free. "Do you want me to cut your sister?" Marcus says grabbing my face to look at him, angry, then waits for my answer. "Well, do you?"

I vehemently shake my head. Marcus smiles again feeling the power he has over me, "Wonderful, because I only have to hurt your sister if you are a bad girl. Be a good girl so I won't have to hurt her."

Next, Marcus ties a handkerchief around my mouth to muffle sounds. He begins to touch me, putting his finger inside of me. I freeze, overwhelmed with fear and the awful feeling of being bad. He keeps doing it laughing when my body jerks around. "See you like this game." Marcus says with a sly smile.

Marcus experiments with different items. It hurts causing me to flinch a few times and brings tears to my eyes then tries to put himself in me. It really hurts, I wince, sucking in a sharp breath. "Do you like this?" The boy asks sardonically while chuckling.

He removes himself then unties the handkerchief from my mouth. "I want to try something. Hold still and don't talk or I will hurt your sister." I flinch, turning my head. Marcus jumps up from the bed, lifts my legs up and smacks my bottom several times hard while asking, "Are you allowed to move?" I don't answer. Marcus smacks my bottom again harder, "Answer me, are you allowed to move?"

I shake my head.

"That's right, you are not allowed to move and you are not allowed to talk. If you move or talk I will smack your butt again over and over with this stick," Marcus says while holding up a yardstick. My eyes widen with fear. The boy returns to his task, until I gag. Since I made a noise, Marcus lifts up my legs again and smacks me three times with the stick. From the pain on my bottom, tears begin to run down my cheeks, passed my ears into my hair. He turns me over so I am laying on my stomach then pushes my legs up so my knees are under me. The boy continues to play with me, another hiss of pain escapes my lips then a whimper. Since I made a sound Marcus smacks my bottom hard five times with the stick. "Are you allowed to move or talk?" I quickly shake my head. "Good, it sounds like you are learning quickly." Marcus continues and smacks me any time I move or make any sounds.

When he is done playing he addresses me, "If you tell anyone about this, I will kill your sister and smack you five hundred times with this stick. Are you going to tell anyone?" I quickly respond by shaking my head. "Ok good. I am going to untie you now. You are not allowed to put your clothes back on until I tell you to put them on. Do you understand?" I quickly nod. "Good girl, you are listening so well." Marcus unties my hands and tells me to stand up. I comply, hoping he is done, but he tells me to lay my head and stomach on the bed leaving my feet on the floor. Again, I comply immediately desperate to avoid punishment. "Good girl. Are you going to tell anyone about this?" I shake my head. "What do you think will happen if you tell anyone about this?" I'm afraid to talk, unsure of how to answer, so I remain quiet.

Marcus starts smacking my bottom but doesn't stop until I cry out the correct answer, "Smack me five hundred times and kill my sister!"

"Very good, Jamie, I don't think you will forget anymore. Put your clothes on now." I immediately put my shirt on and I have my underwear part of the way on when Marcus says, "Stop." I stop immediately knowing the consequence if I don't. "Quack like a duck." I hesitate unsure if he really said what I think he said. Marcus grabs my hair, pulling me to him and over his lap as he sits down on the bed. He holds me down by pushing against my waist and leaning on my shoulder blades with his elbow then wraps his right leg around mine. He smacks me several times with his hand. Because the smacks hurt my already sore bottom, I squirm. "Are you allowed to move?" I shake my head. "No, you are not allowed to move. Did you move?" I nod. Marcus doles out the punishment, smacking me several more times. I try really hard not to move or make any sounds so he won't hit me anymore. Once he finishes this round of smacks, Marcus stands me up again and repeats the initial instruction. "Quack like a duck."

"Quack, quack," I say.

"Crawl on the floor like a dog." I get down on my hands and knees and crawl around his room.

"Lay on the bed on your back." I get on the bed then lay on my back.

"Say 'more please'," again I hesitate.

Marcus, still sitting on the bed from earlier, says, "Come here." My body trembles as I comply knowing that it will be much worse if I don't do what he asks me to do. "Lay across my lap." Again, I comply. "When I tell you to do something you must do it right away. Did you do what I told you to do?" I shake my head. The smacks rain down on my already sore bottom but I try really hard not to move or make any sounds. When he finishes he repeats, "Lay on your back." I comply. "Say 'more please'."

"More please."

"Oh, you want more. Ok, I will give you more since you asked so nicely." Marcus proceeds to play with my private parts, chuckling when my body jerks. Once he is satisfied, he instructs, "Put your clothes on." I comply.

"Did you have fun playing with me?" I hesitate because I don't know how I should answer. Marcus roughly puts me across his lap, pulls down my pants and underwear and smacks me a lot, hard. Tears stream down my flushed cheeks and legs kick involuntarily to the harsh treatment. "Did you answer me right away?" I shake my head then Marcus asks his question again, "Did you have fun playing with me?"

"Yes," I frantically blurt out.

"Did you have fun playing with me?"

Feeling hopeless, I say, "Yes."

"Would you like to play again someday?"

"Yes."

"Good girl. Are you going to tell anyone about our games?"

I shake my head.

"Good girl."

Marcus puts Lizzy and her car seat in the hallway then turns to me, "I had lots of fun with you today. Are you going to tell anyone?"

"No."

Marcus smiles and smacks my bottom once while I walk out of the room then closes his door.

In the next moment, I am with my dad in our garage. "Come on sweetie, tell me what's wrong." I look down refusing to talk, afraid of the consequence that I'm sure will come if I answer. Marcus walks by the garage holding his yardstick smiling at me. Immediately, terror crosses my face, I pee my pants, then explosion.

-With Cross-

The sack is quickly removed from my head. "What a wonderfully vivid memory, thank you for sharing it my dear!" Cross says sincerely, looking at me so I can see his face. I'm crying, breathing heavy, eyes wide in fear. "You look so beautiful right now, like this, submitted to me, your mind an open book. Oh Franklin, doesn't she look heavenly?" I look over to see a prison guard smiling at me with wicked desires.

"Yes, sir. She looks amazing." Franklin walks over to me and gently touches my face. Panic over takes me. Without thinking, I struggle against my restraints trying to get free.

"Are you allowed to move or make noise?" Cross asks patiently with a sly smile.

I freeze at his familiar words.

"Are you allowed to move or make noise?" Cross asks again with a stern edge to his voice this time.

I shake my head.

"That's right. You are not allowed to move or make noise. What happens when you move or make noise?"

I feverishly shake my head knowing exactly when he means.

"What happens, Jamie, when you move or make noise? If you do not answer when I tell you to talk the punishment will be much, much worse."

"Smack me," I say quietly, hopeless.

"See that wasn't hard. You're right my dear, you will be smacked with this stick." Cross brandishes a yardstick, holding out for me to see then hands it to Franklin. "Franklin, let's start with fifteen smacks." Franklin adjusts the intricate device in which I am restrained in such a way that I'm turned around, partially leaning over with my bottom facing Cross. Franklins pulls down my pants and underwear.

"No stop!" I yell, pulling against my restraints again then freezing immediately realizing my mistake.

"Tsk, tsk. You have forgotten already. Twenty-five smacks!" Cross makes his point clear, the rules apply here too. Franklin begins the spanking. I try really hard not to move or make noise, but after the first several smacks, a whimper escapes my lips. I freeze again knowing that the punishment will be increased. "Thirty smacks!" I double my effort to not move or make noise. I manage to remain still without making noise for the rest of the smacks, tears streaming down my cheeks while my body trembles. "Good girl."

Cross turns to Franklin, "You may now play other games with her." Franklin turns my half naked body around, revealing the cuts on my legs. "Oh, you must have been very bad to need so many cuts." Franklin continues by lifting up my shirt and playing with my private parts. I try not to move or make any noise, keeping my eyes squeezed shut tight.

After a few minutes, Cross softly says, "Stop." Franklin immediately stops and backs away. "You both have listened well. I am so proud of you."

Franklin blushes at the compliment, "Thank you, sir."

"Franklin, please redress my beloved." The guard complies giving me some relief when he's done repositioning my clothes and steps away.

An announcement sounds over the intercom. "They're here."


	22. Chapter 22

**Warning: This chapter references the rape scene from the previous chapter.**

Chapter 22

The team plans to avoid the guards at the front gate so they couldn't warn the guards inside causing a lockdown. However, they will have to deal with the guards at the front desk and beyond head on. Getting to the front door without going through the gate isn't hard for the team but everyone remains cautious so mistakes aren't made.

Nat enters first, taking note of the security camera, while walking up to the counter sporting her sexiest look, "I would like to speak with Cross."

"Sorry Ma'am, he doesn't want to be disturbed right now," The security guard sitting behind the desk responds, seemingly impervious to her charm.

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Well, fellas, it looks like we will be disturbing Mr. Cross." Nat announces, quickly reaching over the counter to grab the guard's head then slams his face into the counter. He immediately drops to the ground, unconscious. "One down."

Steve moves on to the next phase of the plan. "Alright Tony, you're up." Tony makes his way over to the door, expertly hacking the control panel releasing all of the locked hallway doors in the prison.

"We're in but we only have seven minutes until the system resets and the door locks again. FRIDAY, can you find where Jamie is being held?" Tony asks the invisible AI.

"Yes sir, she is in the visitation room in cell block C. Cross and another guard are in the room with her. There are four guards right outside of the room, as well as five others between here and cell block C. Their movements suggest they are guarding Cross instead of the prison."

"Yeah, we thought they might be working for him now," Steve says. "Let's go."

The team makes their way down the first hallway where two guards are posted. They want to be extra careful not to harm them, just stop them from interfering with the rescue mission. Nat tosses out two small metal balls distracting both guards then runs up behind the distracted duo jumping on the first guy's back while leaning causing the guard to spin. The motion allows Nat to kick the second guy, knocking him out, then flips the first guy, knocking him out too.

Tony looks over at Steve and jokingly asks, "Why are we even here?"

Steve chuckles and says, "Come on, we're not done yet." Inside Cell Block B, three guards are on alert. "It's amazing how Cross was able to control so many people. We underestimated him assuming the mind control power was in the machine, while the actual power came from his mind directly," Steve says while shaking his head.

"It's not time for regret, we've got work to do," Nat redirects Steve to the task at hand.

To distract the guards, Nat knocks on the door then hides off to the side. One guard walks over to the door, peeking through the window. Not seeing anything, the guard opens the door slowly. Once opened about five inches, Nat punches the guard in the face, knocking him out then storms through the door taking out the other two guards much like the first set.

As soon as the team reaches Cell Block C FRIDAY offers an update, "Jamie is in the second door on the right."

"Does everyone have their ear pieces in?" Steve checks on his team. Everyone touching the tiny device in their ear then nods. "Ok, let's go." Steve mentally prepares himself for what he might find, knowing that his love for Jamie could affect his judgment. Everyone shares in his concern. They carefully open the door and step over the threshold to the final hallway, surrounding the second door on the right.

Nat peers into the window and confirms that Cross, Jamie, and one guard are inside. She gives a rundown of the scene, "Jamie is on the left side strapped onto some kind of movable contraption, Cross is sitting in a chair on the right side of the room directly in front of Jamie, and the guard is standing about three feet away from Jamie to Cross's right." The team sets their plan of who will do what.

On the count of three, the team flings open the door and rushes inside, executing the plan with precision. Nat gladly knocks out Cross while Tony takes care of the guard, oddly neither put up a fight, which Nat finds alarming. "That was too easy," Nat remarks remaining vigilant for any unexpected trouble while the rest of the team takes care of Jamie and calling the police.

Clint and Steve go to Jamie who appears to be in some kind of trance. "Jamie, Jamie," Steve pleads without any response from her. "We need to get her out of here." Steve removes the girl from the harness, keeping her close and protected while carrying her to the jet. Nat does a brief check of vitals, everything seems fine.

Tony stays behind to finish up the details with the police, who are already aware of what Cross has done to the prison personnel. With anyone potentially the next threat with Cross's power, the police accept the ear pieces that Tony offers to protect them from the same fate. Bruce goes with Steve and Nat to try to reverse any damage that Cross did while Jamie was with him but promises the police to do the same for the guards and anyone else who has been to the prison since Cross's arrival.

"FRIDAY, contact Dr. Strange. Ask him to meet us at the compound," Steve talks aloud to the AI.

"Contacting Dr. Strange now," FRIDAY reports.

Nat looks over at Steve, "What's up?"

"She's not responding and she looks like she's in pain."

With the expected announcement that the Avengers were inside the prison, he goes inside Jamie's mind again to repeat the earlier encounter with the boy, locking her in a memory loop of the event. As soon as her father is killed, it is reset back to being dropped off with Mrs. Hillary. His plan, to keep Jamie stuck in the no talking, no moving brainwashing that the teenage boy was exceptionally good at inflicting. Cross smiles as he puts his plan in motion.

Steve takes Jamie into the infirmary laying her on a bed. Dr. Strange is already waiting for them to arrive so he quickly begins examining her for possible injuries. "We will need to go inside her mind again. It feels like she's in a memory so you may not be able to reach her directly or interact with anyone besides me." Dr Strange tries to prepare Steve as best he can for the unnerving sensation of being invisible to everyone as they carry on as if the observers weren't nearby.

"Ok, I understand, let's go," Steve is anxious to get started. Dr. Strange and Steve enter the memory to see a little girl watching TV, anxiously looking around every few seconds. Steve notices a teenage boy watching the little girl from the shadows of the adjacent room, holding an infant car seat with a baby asleep inside. Steve has a sick feeling in his stomach, "I think I know what this is."

"Jamie…" the boy says, "Come play with me."

Jamie, with fear in her eyes, tries to stay safe, "No, I'm watching TV."

Steve continues to watch as Jamie is lured upstairs to the boy's room. Once inside, the door is locked. The boy puts the car seat on his desk then addresses the scared little girl, "Take your clothes off."

"That sick bastard," Steve snarls, lunging at the boy but going through him as if he were a ghost.

"I know it's hard to watch but there's nothing we can do about it. This already happened, a memory," Dr. Strange explains, also not impervious to the events unfolding. "We need to find a way to reach Jamie to break her out of the memory, but I think we will need to wait until the memory finishes," Dr. Strange explains the plan to keep Steve and himself focused.

Steve kneels on the floor next to Jamie who is laying on the bed with her arms tied to the bed over her head completely undressed, a handkerchief around her mouth. With tears in his eyes, Steve says her name trying to get her to notice him, trying to comfort her, but Jamie is unaware of his presence. Steve tries hard to ignore what the boy is doing to her, knowing he needs to stay focused in order to be able to help. "See you like this game," the boy says pointing out how Jamie's body is reacting to his touch. Steve is overcome with rage, screaming, tears in his eyes. But his rage is unnoticed by all but Dr. Strange who is also lost in the horrific scene.

"We need to keep some distance," Strange suggests.

"I'm not leaving her!"

"This is a memory. Whether or not you are here watching this, does not help her or hurt her. We still need to find a way to stop this."

Steve begins to pull himself away when he hears something familiar. "Are you allowed to move?" The boy asks the little girl before smacking her bottom hard. "Answer me, are you allowed to move?"

The little girl shakes her head, clearly afraid of being hurt again. "That's right, you are not allowed to move and you are not allowed to talk. If you move or talk I will smack your butt again over and over with this stick."

Understanding dawns on Steve, boiling anger laced through his words, "This boy trained her not to talk or move. No wonder she has times when she doesn't talk." Steve forcefully runs his fingers through his hair, overwhelmed with the impact that this boy has had on Jamie's life.

The boy continues his assault, periodically stopping to remind her of the rules and beat her. Steve can't watch, he keeps himself partially turned while squatting on the floor, facing Dr. Strange who is staring straight ahead at the wall. "If you tell anyone about this, I will kill your sister and smack you five hundred times with this stick. Are you going to tell anyone?" The boy continues to threaten her, training her with fear. He starts commanding Jamie to do humiliating things. The little girl's hesitation earns her more beatings. After he gains compliance, he asks her if she wants more. Again, she hesitates, not wanting to say that she wants more. He smacks her again, convincing her to say those words. Steve cannot believe how sick this boy is to hurt a child like this and to do it so thoroughly. Finally, it's over, Steve feeling nauseous, following the girl and her baby sister into the hallway.

The scene abruptly changes to the little girl and a man, whom Steve assumes is her father, sitting in a garage. Steve notices the boy walking passed the garage with the yard stick and the terror written across the little girl's face and body. Within minutes the garage explodes. Everything goes dark for a moment then the scene starts over.

"We need to act now before Jamie sees the boy," Dr. Strange says. With a spell, he freezes the scene with the little Jamie looking around trying to figure out what happened to the TV that is no longer working.

Steve attempts to reach the girl, "Jamie." The little girl looks over to see Steve and Dr. Strange. She recognizes them immediately and runs into Steve's arms, crying and shaking. "I want to go home," she begs.

"I know baby. We're working on it, ok?" Steve comforts the shaking girl, keeping his hand wrapped protectively behind her head. "Shhh, I've got you. You're ok."

The little girl nods while wiping the tears from her face. Steve continues to hold her not willing to let go and risk her reliving this awful memory. Steve looks over at Dr. Strange for directions.

A short spell is uttered then they are transported back to the real world.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Jamie is lying in the bed, shaking, clearly scared. "Jamie?" Steve attempts to get Jamie's attention, gently rubbing her forehead and cheek to comfort her.

Jamie doesn't respond.

"I'm so sorry, baby girl." Steve says hoping Jamie will respond but knowing that it will take time. Steve puts his hand against Jamie's face again briefly then heads over to the team to tell them what happened. Steve looks over at Dr. Strange who gives a nod, letting Steve know that he will stay with Jamie while they talk.

"What's going on? How's Jamie?" Tony asks, desperate for information.

"She's awake now but not responding. We had to go inside her head and bring her out, Cross had her locked in some kind of…memory loop or something," Steve tries to explain but without a frame of reference he's not sure how close his explanation is to the true or if he's even making any sense.

"What was the memory?" Bruce asks, afraid of the answer.

Steve pales as his stomach begins to feel sick again. He sits down at the table to help support himself. "It's the memory of when she was molested by the neighbor." Steve beings to tell the team the images that they encountered, steeling himself briefly so he can continue. "I saw it all…how he hurt her and messed with her mind. He used pain and fear to convince her that she wasn't allowed to move or talk unless he told her to, and when he told her to do something she had to do it immediately." Steve pauses to compose himself before continuing. "That kid's sick, I've never seen anything like it. He did awful things to her then beat her with a yardstick." His own memory of the trip inside Jamie's mind is too much, he starts to cry covering his face with his hands trying to collect himself. The team's also distraught, hearing about the torture, having a better understanding of how Jamie deals with strong emotions. Steve moves on to the next part, "Then we saw that boy taunt her while she was with her father in the garage and then the explosion. I'm so glad they moved away from that house afterward, I think that actually saved her." Steve looks over at Nat, "We need to find that boy, make sure he is locked away. Who knows how many people he's hurt and by the level of expertise he demonstrated, how many people he hurt before Jamie." Steve leaves the room, taking some time alone to deal with his feelings, to grieve for Jamie.

Tony and Clint stay with Jamie, talking to her, hoping that although she isn't responding, that she is at least listening and able to be comforted. Nat follows up on looking for the neighbor.

Bruce tries to reverse the damage done by the mind control. "This is weird," Bruce says aloud to himself.

"What?" Tony asks walking over to Bruce to look at the machine's screen.

"These readings, they are the same as the last time we used this device on her," Bruce explains. "It isn't showing any mind control."

"Cross was definitely in her head but, if I understand what the machine is doing, he wasn't actually trying to control her. It was more like a guided tour of her own memories or thoughts," Dr. Strange describes his interpretation of the events. "So, you will have to look for disruptions in thought patterns not Cross's thoughts injected."

Bruce seems to understand what Dr. Strange is talking about but Clint is lost. "Jamie should have been protected because she had an ear piece in…how was he still able to reach her through her own thoughts." Bruce thinks out loud. "Nat." Bruce pauses for a moment to give her a chance to respond on coms.

"Yeah, what's up?"

"When you were interrogating Cross, did you have any unusual thoughts maybe old memories resurfacing?"

Nat is quiet for a moment. "I'm coming over." Within a few minutes, Nat is in the infirmary. "So, what's going on?"

"We've noticed that Cross didn't use mind control on Jamie, she had the ear piece in as well as the device in her brain and the protective layer, he couldn't insert his own thoughts. However, he clearly was able to mess around with her own thoughts. Did you experience anything unusual when you were interrogating Cross?"

Nat's shocked, "Um yeah, I did. I…I kept thinking about when my parents died."

Bruce takes a few steps, his head looking toward the floor as he always does when in deep thought. "I believe Cross has been in your mind too. I need to recalibrate the machine, find a way to detect it, see what if any damage was done."

Nat folds her arms across her middle and takes a deep breath, feeling violated. "Um, how can I help?" Nat asks, unsteady at first but then collected. Bruce signals for Nat to follow to begin trying to calibrate the machine.

"Clint are you going to be here awhile?" Tony asks.

"Yeah, I'm not going anywhere."

"Ok, I'll be back in a bit." Tony kisses Jamie's forehead then leaves the room. He sets out to find Steve. Having known him for a while now, he has a good idea where to find him. Tony is right, Steve is in the gym, punching through heavy bags. "Hey," Tony announces his arrival by way of a greeting while entering the gym.

"Is everything alright?" Steve halts his exercise briefly to get an update.

"Yeah, Jamie still isn't responding, Clint's with her. Bruce is recalibrating the machine to look for any mind meddling not just inserting ideas."

Steve nods then begins punching the bags again.

"Want to talk about it?" Tony asks after watching the intensity of Steve's punches tear apart another bag. Steve sighs then unhooks the broken bag, placing it next to the other three bags that already met the same fate. He collects another bag that has been set up along the wall and hooks it to the beam overhead.

Steve starts punching the replacement bag, hard until it, too, breaks. Steve sighs, shakes his head as if trying to remove the memory.

Tony tries to get Steve talking, "I know this is hard, I have no idea how hard, but I know it's hard. But Jamie needs you…"

"You're right…you don't know how hard this is." Steve grumbles, annoyed that Tony is forcing the issue.

"Then tell me," Tony encourages.

Steve starts talking without deciding to talk, like he was compelled to speak, on autopilot. "He used her baby sister to get her in his room, said he was going to take her, hurt her if Jamie didn't come too. He made her get undressed, he tied her up to the bed, he…" Steve shudders at the memory, "…he did things, awful things to her, then if she moved or she made a noise, he punished her, hit her with a yardstick." Steve looks ill. Tony also feels lightheaded, nauseous from the blood draining from his head so he sits down on the floor along the wall.

After a few moments to collect himself, Steve continues, "He humiliated her, made her ask him for more, scared her into not moving and not making any noise. He tortured her. Tony, she still lives with that. She still doesn't talk or move when she's scared. That boy…he's the reason she does that. He kept telling her she was a good girl when she did what he asked and punished her when she did something he didn't like. Cross had her relive her father dying too. I don't know how many times she had to relive that while he had her, but it was awful. Seeing her there, not being able to stop him, to save her." Steve is crying now.

Tony stands, walks over and sits down next to Steve, putting his hand on Steve's shoulder. "You will never be able to stop it from happening in the first place, but you did end the cycle of reliving it now. You went into her mind after her and did what you could to bring her back. She needs to see you, feeling the trauma of the event, without breaking. She needs you to show her how to feel that kind of fear and abuse without shutting down or hurting herself." Tony squeezes Steve's shoulder one last time then leaves the room, letting Steve have time to put himself back together. Truth be told, Tony also needs some time to recover from hearing more about what Jamie had to endure.

About an hour goes by, Jamie still hasn't responded to anyone, remaining still and quiet. Clint is talking to her, rubbing her arm, squeezing her hand, tracing her eyebrows and running his fingers through her hair, trying to comfort the best way he knows how. "How's she doing?" Steve asks from the doorway.

Clint responds, unsure of how long Steve has been watching, "No change."

"Strange, can you tell if she's locked in her thoughts or here with us?" Steve asks.

"She's here. We can still go inside her mind though."

"Let's go. I need to talk to her."

Dr. Strange comes over to stand next to Steve and Jamie then begins the spell. Immediately they are back inside the darkness with the old wooden door in front of them. Steve knocks. No response. Steve knocks again and calls, "Jamie, it's Steve. Can I come in?"

"Steve?" The pattering of tiny feet is heard coming closer to the door. The door opens about a foot then a little face peeks out. "Steve!" The little girl swings open the door and jumps into Steve's arms hugging him tight, tears running down her cheeks. Steve holds her tight, stroking her hair while she cries, the action helping to make Steve feel better too. "Steve, I'm scared."

"I know you are baby, but I'm here to help you feel better." Steve soothes the little girl, rubbing her back. "I know that mean boy hurt you."

The little girl nods then, looks down feeling ashamed.

"The boy did something very bad, you didn't do anything wrong."

The little girl starts weeping, "He made me, he said…he said…I liked it, he made me say 'more please.' I didn't want him to do those things, I promise."

"I know you didn't. He made you say and do those things but I know that you didn't want to." Steve continues to hold the little girl while she weeps. "You don't have to be afraid to talk or to move. That boy can't hurt you anymore. I will make sure that he doesn't hurt you ever again." The little girl keeps crying, shaking, afraid. "I will keep you safe from now on, I promise." The little girl starts to calm down, feeling safer. Steve continues to hold her tight, soaking up her love. "Are you ready to head back now?" The little girl nods. "Ok, I'll see you in a bit." Steve kisses the girl's forehead, puts her down and waves goodbye as he and Strange close the door behind them. Within moments they are transported back to the real world.

I open my eyes and look around, confused and, well, confused. My cheeks are wet from crying and I'm still shaking some. Clint watches me carefully, expectantly.

"Jamie?" Steve says my name.

"What was that? What did you do?"

"Dr. Strange is able to enter thoughts. I wanted to make sure that you were hearing me so I asked him to help me enter your mind. I hope you don't mind, but you are able to keep us out though if you don't want us in there."

"No, I don't mind." I prop myself up a little higher in the bed. "What happened?" I ask odd feelings flying around, unsure of what to make of them.

"You tried to run away, but Cross already knew about it so he had people waiting for you to come to them."

"Right, I don't know why I wanted to run away," I say, confused.

"Cross found a way to mess with your mind, your thoughts and fears. He found a way to convince you to leave." Steve notices the fear in my eyes. "Bruce is working on a way to protect us from that as well as the mind control. Cross also found a way to bring up memories for you to relive."

The blood drains from my face. "I thought…I thought maybe I was dreaming," I say while curling up my legs so my knees are against my chest.

"Jamie, you were stuck in a loop that Cross made to keep you in that memory. Dr. Strange and I went into your mind, to get you out of it," Steve carefully explains unsure of how I may respond.

"So, you…you saw my memory?" I ask with tears in my eyes, too ashamed to look at him.

"Yes, I saw an awful boy doing very bad things and a little girl who was scared, who didn't do anything wrong." Steve says making sure to cover the areas that I may be sensitive about.

"You saw…I..." feelings of shame overwhelming me, "I d-d-did e-e-everything h-h-he told me to do. I didn't tr-tr-try to s-s-stop him. My…my…" I stammer choked up with emotion.

Steve sits on the bed and wraps his arms around me, snuffing out my stuttering cries, but allowing me to keep myself curled up. "Your body reacting is normal and doing or saying things under the threat of harm to yourself or to your sister doesn't mean that you did something wrong. The only person who should feel shame or guilt is that boy," Steve leans back enough to look at my face. "You absolutely didn't do anything wrong, the shame and guilt isn't on you." I cry not knowing if what Steve says is true, the shame not allowing me to let it go.

I feel Clint put his hand on my shoulder. When I look over at him, I see tears in his eyes. "It's true. None of that was your fault. None of it."

Dr. Strange is standing at the foot of my bed, also moved by the story, having been there to see the memory unfold. "You are an incredibly strong, brave young woman. What that boy did is inexcusable. Do not hold onto any guilt or shame from that. The longer you hold onto it, the more that boy hurts you. Let it go so he can't hurt you anymore."

I nod, "I'll try."

Tony, Bruce and Nat enter the room seeing that I'm up and talking. Tony looks over at Steve, offering a slight smile then nods.

Bruce interrupts the moment for an update. "We made some adjustments to the ear pieces that should help to protect you against both mind control and mind meddling." Bruce hands out the new ear pieces to everyone. Fortunately, they are comfortable to wear.

"How much longer do I have to stay here?" I ask.

Bruce offers an apologetic smile, "I need to hook you up to the device to run some tests."

"In other words, I'm not leaving here anytime soon," I sigh. "Can we just get it over with then so I can pass out then wake up and leave this room, please?"

Clint smiles, "There's our girl." Then places a kiss on top of my head.

The test goes as smoothly as they typically do with the pain in my forehead, passing out, and feeling woozy afterward, but I agree, it had to be done. When finished, Bruce shares the results with all of us. "The device worked to keep Cross from using mind control on her which he tried once. Jamie's protective layer is still there holding strong. We noted quite a bit of mind meddling where Cross was inside her thoughts and memories. The loop that he created was interesting. Jamie would not have been able to break out of that loop without your help," Bruce says to Dr. Strange, "and yours," Bruce says to Steve. "Cross most likely still thinks that Jamie is stuck in this loop, thinking that he has her trapped and all of us unable to help her."

"No wonder they didn't put up a fight," Nat surmises.

"I would really like to leave now," I complain covering my ears, speaking loudly to drown out anything anyone might say.

"Alright, I'll walk with you," Steve says placing a hand on my shoulder to calm me down.

Bruce interjects, "You will probably need the wheelchair."

I roll my eyes but don't fight.

Steve helps me get into the wheelchair and pushes me back to the living quarters. "Want to snuggle on the couch together, maybe watch a movie?" Steve asks.

I nod, "Yeah that sounds good." My words come out sounding flat.

"Are you ok?" Steve asks.

"I don't remember what happened before I ran away. Was I bad? Did I hurt anyone?" Fear and shame swell within me, afraid of what I might have done that made me want to run away.

Steve stops pushing the wheelchair and kneels down in front of me. "You weren't bad. You changed all of a sudden. We didn't know what was going on. You were upset, thinking that we were going to make you leave, that we didn't love you. But you were not bad." Steve pauses to let that sink in before continuing, "The mind meddling thing, it stirs up feelings that are already there, maybe amplifies them. So, I know that you sometimes worry that we will want you to leave or that we don't love you. Please know, without a doubt, that we love you very much and do not want you to leave. There's nothing that you can do that will make us want you to leave. Ok?"

I nod, tears well up along my eyes. I reach over and hug Steve, thankful that he loves me and wants me.

Steve and I watched a movie together on the couch, well Steve watched the movie, I fell asleep. I felt safe and protected next to Steve.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

I wake up the next morning feeling great. I haven't slept that good in a really long time. When I sit up I notice Steve looking at me. "Smiling...you must have slept well."

"I did…," I chirp then notice that Steve looks tired, "…but you didn't sleep well. I'm sorry if I kept you up. You should have woken me up so I could move."

"I wanted you to sleep well. I wanted to stay here with you."

"Ok, are you still upset about…" I search Steve's eyes looking for any disgust or anger toward me. "…I could tell that you were upset," I ask solemnly.

Steve sighs not sure if he should tell me or not, "Yeah, it's very upsetting to see someone you love hurting. But, seeing you smiling helps a lot." I give Steve a big hug, maybe that will help too.

"Let's go eat breakfast," I tell Steve.

"Ok."

Steve and I head into the kitchen. Everyone else is already up and eating or already done with breakfast. Fortunately, Clint was waiting for me. "Ready for breakfast?"

I nod. Clint sets out to make breakfast, joining when all of the components have been gathered. He pours the cereal and I add the milk. We eat in silence, enjoying each other's company. "Want to shoot after this?"

"Yeah, that sounds great," I say with a huge smile.

We head to the training area that has the bows, quivers full of arrows, and the targets. We grab our stuff and start to shoot. I miss the target a few times, distracted by my memories from the night I yelled at him. "You ok, kiddo?"

Tears form while I start to talk, "I'm sorry that I yelled at you the other day. I don't remember much about it but I do remember freaking out on you."

"Hey, don't cry. It's ok, you were upset," Clint comforts me, wrapping his arms around me.

"Steve said that it was Cross who stirred up thoughts and feelings but they are my own thoughts and feelings. So, I…I'm afraid that your family won't like me if you spend time with me. I want to be a part of your family, but I'm afraid if I try to be and I want it, they might not want me or they might insist that I leave then I won't have a family anymore," I speak much faster than I normally do, the words spilling out of my mouth.

"That won't happen, I won't let that happen. It's my job to make sure that everyone feels loved and wanted. If there's a problem, then we will deal with it as a family. Ok? I promise, you will be loved and cared for exactly the same as my other kids." Clint continues to hug me.

I nod with my head resting on his chest. Clint kisses the top of my head and hugs me until I calm down.

"Do you want to keep shooting or wrap it up for today?" Clint asks.

"Keep shooting."

The next arrows hit the target near the bullseye now that I am able to focus on shooting. "This is super easy for you right?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

"So, what do you do to actually train, to get better at shooting?"

Clint grins, "Follow me."

He takes me to a large obstacle course several stories underground. There are places to hide, climb, and jump as well as moving targets and other moving stands that aren't supposed to be targets, I think Clint called them friendlies. There are also a couple different areas that resemble different parts of the world. In the back corner there is a large pool for water missions, a large sand dune/desert on the right, a forest area in the middle of the room, and the whole left side is made of buildings like a city. The room can also mimic different times of day, seasons, and weather. I am in awe of the enormity of this room. "You can watch from the observation deck," Clint says while pointing to a room partially covered in glass. I climb the stairs that lead to the observation deck and take a seat right in the middle of the room.

Clint yells, "Push the big red button on the control panel, that will start the course."

The button is easy to find. Once pushed, the obstacle course comes alive, prompting Clint to jump into action. It's amazing how fast and resourceful he is to hit the various targets. The archer is able to hit multiple bad guys at the same time by loading more than one arrow. _I didn't know that was possible._ The door of the observation room opens making the room appear brighter momentarily. I look back to see Tony entering the room. "Watching Clint practice?"

"Yeah, it's so cool," I chirp.

Tony, knowing how the control panel works, throws in some surprises to make the obstacle course harder. Clint quickly adjusts.

"You'll have to watch me go through the course some time," Tony suggests, noticing my excitement.

"Yeah, sounds great."

After about fifteen minutes, the obstacle course finishes, as all of the moving parts come to a halt. Clint waves letting me know it is safe to come back to the mock real-world training room. I immediately run down the stairs to meet him, talking excitedly about everything Clint did. "Wow that was amazing! How did you do that one move, you were twisting while jumping sideways and you hit three different targets at the same time!"

"Pretty cool, right? Tony makes all of this stuff," Clint points out, sharing the praise and attention.

"Really? How did you make the sand storm? That was crazy!" I'm talking fast, exhilarated from the demonstration.

"I'll show you some time, maybe we can do it during a physics lesson," Tony proposes.

"Ok," I say smiling brightly.

"Jamie, Bruce wants to see you in his lab. He's going to try out the new settings for the device," Tony passes the message along.

"What? Not now, I'm actually having fun today. I don't want to spend the rest of the day in the infirmary," I whine at Tony who puts his hands up in defense.

"Hey, I'm just the messenger…and the delivery boy so come on," Tony says with a slight chuckle at my pouty face then puts his arm around my shoulder and starts walking.

"Thanks Clint, that was really awesome," I say as Tony practically drags me away.

We arrive at Bruce's lab after a much too short walk. "Bruce, is this going to make me pass out?" I ask in a whiney voice.

"It shouldn't but just to be safe, you should sit in the chair," Bruce says without looking away from his machines.

I know exactly which chair he's talking about and I'm not happy about it. After reliving the memory, I really don't want to be strapped down. "Can I just lay down somewhere instead, I'm kind of freaking out about the chair?" I plead with Bruce, who is now looking at me confused, feeling anxious.

Tony goes over to Bruce and whispers something in his ear. Bruce looks at me wide-eyed, alarmed, then says that we can do the adjustments on the cot. I let out a breath that I've apparently been holding for a while, feeling relieved. Bruce moves the cot over to the machine and asks me to lie down. I comply.

"Ok, Jamie, first I'm going to connect the cord to the device," Bruce explains.

I nod then brace for the stab of pain in my forehead. It comes like expected.

"Now, I'm going to enter the data into the device. You shouldn't feel anything but if you do let me know."

I nod. Less than thirty seconds later, Bruce says, "All done."

"Whoa, really, that's great. I didn't feel anything," I say excited that it's over without any problems while getting up from the cot.

Bruce looks serious for a moment, "Hey, Jamie, I don't want you to feel unsafe with anything that I do. If you don't feel safe, please tell me, ok?"

I nod then wrap my arms around Bruce's waist. I'm glad that he wants me to feel safe and that he wants me to tell him if I don't. I break away from the hug saying goodbye to him then walk with Tony back to the living quarters. When we arrive in the kitchen, I see Nat reading the newspaper at the table. "Hi Jamie. Clint said you got to see him training today."

"Yeah, it was so cool." I want to tell Steve about Clint's training too but I don't see him. "Where's Steve?"

"Oh, he's around here somewhere," Nat says but I feel like she's hiding something.

"Want some lunch?" Tony asks hoping to change the subject.

"No, not right now," I say. "I'm going to my room."

Tony stops me as I begin to walk passed him, "I will be in to check on you in a few minutes." I sigh, wishing I could get some privacy.

I pause in the hallway after I turn the corner from the kitchen to listen in on Tony and Nat talking. "How's he doing?" Tony asks.

"He's struggling with this." I hear Nat tell Tony then a noise behind me.

"Ahem…Hi Jamie," Clint interrupts, knowing he caught me eavesdropping and directs me to walk with him to the kitchen. I comply, my head down, feeling guilty.

They seem disappointed in me so I try to garner support. "You guys are professional spies, you should want me to learn to be sneaky and gather information."

Nat smiles and looks at Tony, "You got this one? I definitely can't lecture on spying."

Tony smiles then directs his attention to me. "Jamie, spying is something that we do for missions. It's not something we do here around each other. This is a safe zone for us."

"Sorry." I decide to just ask directly since eavesdropping isn't ok. "What's wrong with Steve? It's my fault, right? It's the memory thing."

"Steve is taking some time to deal with his feelings, and yes, about the memory loop. But it's not your fault, you didn't do anything wrong," Nat explains the situation then opens her arms for a hug. "Ok? You didn't do anything wrong."

I can't help it; my tears flow freely. I feel bad for Steve, not wanting him to suffer because of me. _If it's about the memory then it is my fault. What if he doesn't want me anymore?_

Nat continues trying to reassure me. "You didn't do anything wrong. Steve loves you. He will be ok, just give him some time." After a few minutes, I start to calm down. I don't feel better but I feel like I have to stop crying. I head to my room with Nat following. I'm sure they are worried now that I will hurt myself. They're probably right.

Lying on my bed, I pull the covers up over my head trying to get some time alone. Nat sits down on the bed next to me, pulls the covers back down to my shoulder and rubs my forehead. I feel myself sinking into darkness.

At five o'clock, Nat makes me get up to go to dinner. "I'm not hungry," I protest.

"I want you to at least sit with us for a few minutes."

"Fine, but I'm not sitting in the middle again, ever," I say angrily.

"Ok, you don't have to sit in the middle, let's go."

I hesitate, so Nat laces her left hand around my left arm and pushes against my shoulder blades with her right arm to get me walking.

I sit down at the end of the table closest to the exit, arms crossed. _They can't make me eat._ I think to myself seething. A few minutes later, Steve enters the kitchen. He glances at me then looks away quickly, grabs an apple, then leaves the room. My worst fears are confirmed, _Steve doesn't want me anymore._ I run back to my room, through the bathroom, and into the closet to hide in my spot. Sobs rip through me as I weep, bitterly, angry with myself for being bad. I already know there isn't anything to use in here to hurt myself, they took everything away which makes me cry harder. Tony follows me into the closet, quickly checking to see if I've hurt myself then allows me to stay huddled under the hanging clothes.

Steve isn't aware that Jamie is upset. He's actually trying to avoid her, it's just too painful. The memory of Jamie being abused, terrorized and not being able to stop it is more than he can bear. Steve camps out in his room or in the exercise room wanting to be alone. Clint goes in search of Steve to have a chat.

Clint finds him in his room. "Oh, here you are, I knocked but you didn't answer."

"I didn't answer because I want to be left alone," Steve says flatly.

"How are you doing?" Clint probes.

Steve sighs knowing that Clint won't leave until he talks, "I can't seem to stop thinking about Jamie being hurt like that. I couldn't help her."

Clint interjects, "It was a memory, something that happened six years ago."

"I know that but it doesn't change the fact that all I could do was watch." Steve angrily throws the book that he was reading.

"Jamie thinks you don't like her anymore, that you being upset is her fault." Steve winces at the news. "She needs you."

"I don't think I can be there for her right now," Steve admits.

"I get it, even hearing about what happened, images that I've conjured up keep flashing through my mind. But being a father doesn't stop when we are sick, tired, busy, or upset, especially when the kid is emotionally unstable," Clint shares. "Right now, Jamie is huddled in her closet, crying. She needs to know that you still love her. She needs to know that things are hard for you but that you love her just the same now as you did before. You had to go through that, but so did she, over and over. It's ok to grieve with her but don't push her away to avoid dealing with it. She will not survive rejection from you."

Clint leaves him alone to think about what he's said. Steve knows that he has to do this for Jamie. He couldn't do anything about what happened years ago, but now he can, he can comfort her and he can learn to deal with this alongside her.

Steve enters my room, where everyone is waiting, ready to comfort me if I will give them the opportunity. The team steps aside seeing Steve, knowing that he is the only one who can help. "Hey kiddo, whatcha doing in the closet?"

Hearing Steve talking, I look over, assessing his body language, trying to decide if he wants me or not.

"Come here," Steve holds out his arms. I immediately go to him, my legs giving way as I weep. "Jamie, I'm still here. Nothing has changed, I still love you and I still want you."

"But you wouldn't even look at me!" I yell while crying.

"I'm sorry. I'm really hurting right now too. I'm upset that you were hurt. I'm angry and sad that I couldn't be there to help you."

I continue to cry but feeling less angry.

"I really need to snuggle with you. Will you join me on the couch and watch a movie?"

I nod, happy to have Steve back.

I cuddle up against him while the movie plays, Steve keeping one arm wrapped around me and periodically kissing the top of my head.

After Jamie fell asleep, the team met together in the kitchen including Dr. Strange who feels a connection with the girl now that he has been inside her head and seen the awful things that have happened to her.

"I know you're not a child psychologist, but any suggestions on keeping Jamie safe. She can be happy one minute then hurting herself the next," Clint asks Dr. Strange.

"She's been through a lot. Not only did she recently lose her family, but she also has Cross after her who kidnapped her then tortured her with the memories of past trauma. She will have to learn to feel safe again, she has to form new attachments with people that she really doesn't know well and trust that they won't hurt her or leave her, she will have to deal with feelings of shame and guilt not only because of her powers and the unfortunate consequences of them, but also the shame and guilt that goes with being sexually abused. All of that is fresh in her mind with what Cross did to her. It's like she was molested over and over again instead of just the one time when she was little. You can expect her to question her standing with each of you, question your love for her, she will push you away to see if you come back, she will start to push boundaries and break rules to see what you do-will you correct and love her, will you harshly punish, or will you give up. In general, but especially now after what Cross did, she will likely regress to more like a seven-year-old girl than a budding teenager. It's ok to meet her there, you can and should indulge some of the little girl needs and wants because she essentially will be seven in all the ways that count." The team soaks up every bit of wisdom that Dr. Strange offers.

"You may want to consider having her see a child psychologist and meet with that person for more specific suggestions."

"The last counselor she had ended up being controlled by Cross so she was in danger there. We forced her to go until we realized what was going on. I hope she's willing to try again," Tony recounts wondering what impact Mrs. Cartwright will have on Jamie now that she is learning to trust someone new.

"You can have additional safeties in place. I can give you the name of an amazing child psychologist who specializes in trauma. You may want that person to meet with her here with one of you with her, especially in the beginning while she is developing a relationship with the psychologist."

Dr. Strange writes down the contact information and hands it to Tony. "Jamie's a great kid, smart and full of personality and spunk, she no doubt will keep you on your toes but it will be worth it."

I walk into the kitchen rubbing my eyes while yawning. "What are you guys doing?"

Steve opens his arms for me to sit on his lap, "Come here." I comply, eager to be close to Steve. "We were talking about you and how great of a kid you are." I smile feeling special.

"I'm hungry," I whine.

"What do you want to eat?" Steve asks.

"I don't know, whatever is fine."

"Hmm, how about I go pick up pizza?" Steve proposes.

"Yeah, that sounds great."

Steve looks at Dr. Strange and asks, "You staying?"

"Ah…no. I have to get back. Thanks, maybe next time."

Steve leaves to pick up the pizza while the rest of us hang out talking and laughing together. Of course, he brings back a large New York style pizza with pepperoni and extra cheese, my favorite. It's great to hang out together like a big family.

The late afternoon nap is making it hard to sleep now. Nat reminds me that it's after midnight, but I haven't been able to fall asleep. Even though Nat is with me in my room, I feel like I'm missing something. I don't know maybe it's having so many nights and afternoon naps on the couch snuggling with someone. "I can't sleep, I'm tired, but I just won't go to sleep," I complain.

"I have something that might help you sleep. Wait here." Nat leaves the room for a few minutes then returns with a beautifully wrapped gift in her hand. "I bought this for you the other day but wasn't sure if you would like it or not."

I accept the package, tearing through the flowery gift wrap before opening the cardboard box. Hidden away inside is a fluffy, light brown teddy bear. Happy tears well up, "I love it. Thank you." I remove the bear from the box and hug him. "He's perfect."

Lying back in my bed, I wrap my arms around his warm, soft fluff and go to sleep.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

My eyes fling open before it registers that someone is knocking. "Hey are you going to sleep all day," Clint says while walking into my room. "I'm hungry but I can't eat without my breakfast buddy."

I sit up and yawn. "Sorry, what time is it?"

"It's almost eleven o'clock."

"Whoa, really?"

"Yeah. You hungry?"

"Yeah."

"Good because I decided to bring breakfast to you."

Clint makes himself comfortable at the foot of my bed handing me a bowl of cereal after fully sitting up. We eat and talk enjoying our time together. "So, next week, I'm going to be taking some time off, spending some time at home with my family. I was wondering if you want to come with me."

Images of Clint's children with angry expressions and Laura asking me to leave run through my mind, immediately igniting my anxiety. "I do, but maybe you should just go. I know you've been spending a lot of time with me already."

"Everyone's been asking about you. They want you to come. We're planning to play outside a lot and have a picnic on the fourth with fireworks."

The innocuous word with a hidden meaning rings in my ears as the blood drains from my face. "Oh, a picnic."

"What's wrong?" Clint asks seeing the change in me.

I shake my head, avoiding eye contact, not wanting to talk about it.

"Ok, well, no picnics. We will have lots of other things to do."

"What if I get, you know, emotional and stuff? Or what if…maybe I should stay here this time."

"Alright, it's ok. If you want to wait and go another time, you can do that. It's up to you, ok?"

I nod, but Clint's reassurances do little to quiet the panic brewing inside. "I'm going to take a shower." I get up quickly and start to walk toward the bathroom.

"Jamie…" hearing my name, I stop moving but pause before turning around. Clint comes over to me and gives me a hug. I feel scared, tense, not giving in to the hug, not letting it wash over me. I think Clint notices because he calls for Nat to come with me to the bathroom. I grumble not wanting to be restricted by Nat's presence. Clint releases me from the hug, then seeing that I'm not looking at him, tips my chin toward him. I continue to avoid eye contact. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. You don't have to right now, but I want you to talk to me more about this, let me know what's bothering you. Ok? will you do that for me?"

I nod while looking away, not wanting him to see the tears that are threatening to fall. Clint doesn't release the hug until Nat enters the room but as soon as he does, I dart into the bathroom wanting a few moments to myself. Nat and Clint talk in the hallway but I can't make out what they're saying. 'Ugh,' _So annoying, they're always having little talks about me!_

Moments later, Nat skulks into the bathroom taking me off-guard, "You doing ok?"

After recovering from being startled, I sigh, "I'm fine."

"What happened with you and Clint?"

 _Argh, leave me alone,_ "I want to shower first, then maybe talk about it later."

"Alright, I will be here if you need me." Nat busies herself in my closet and bathroom organizing clothing, putting dirty clothes in the hamper and cleaning the counter. I appreciate that she tries to make it less awkward. Being my only reprieve, I remain in the shower for a long time, letting the water run over me. "You doing ok in there?"

"I'm fine, just enjoying the shower."

"Ok," Nat says, understanding what I mean.

After steeling myself for the imminent faceoff, I turn off the water, get dressed and walk with Nat to the living room. As expected, Clint, Steve and Tony are waiting for me, not doubt preparing to pounce on me. "Feeling better?" Clint asks.

I nod still unable to make eye contact. _I need to learn to fake feeling happy_. "Let's talk about what happened." My heart sinks at Clint's suggestion.

"Jamie?" Steve interjects to encourage me to talk.

"I don't want to talk about it," I say, apprehensively, breathing faster, trying to hold back tears.

Steve sits next to me, wrapping his arm around me then repositioning so we are more in a snuggling position. I go with it but the dread that I feel keeps me from really enjoy it. "Ok, now, Clint asked if you wanted to go with him to his house. How did you feel about that?"

"I'll go if you want me to." I say, defeated.

"That's not what I asked. You don't have to go. I just want you to talk about why you don't want to go."

"Couple reasons, I guess. I don't want them to wish I wasn't there if Clint spends time with me and I'm afraid that I will get crazy and then they will want me to leave and what if I scare them or hurt them with my mind thing?" The words spew from my mouth unbidden.

"Ok, so you're afraid that they will reject you? Like you might lose them as your family if something happens to us?"

I nod.

"You need to spend time with them, you need to get to know them. And, they need to get to know you."

"Yeah, I guess. But, I already know that they won't like me, not after they spend time with me."

"What do you mean?" Steve asks.

"I don't know, I just feel like they won't like me."

"Ok." Steve decides to move on, knowing that he won't change my mind. "Clint also mentioned that you were upset when he mentioned a picnic."

Unconsciously, my body tenses. Steve notices my reaction and squeezes the hug tighter. Steve hesitates, not sure if he should broach the subject. "Why don't you like picnics?"

"My mom and sister…we were having a picnic in the park when they…when…" I feel myself start to shut down.

"Ok, I get it. You don't need to say any more about that if you don't want to." Steve senses that he is losing me so he attempts to redirect and calm me. "What are some things that you might like to do while you're at Clint's house?"

I don't respond. I am stuck in the park, memories flashing, running through my mind like an old-time movie.

"Jamie," Steve says with some force, sitting me up so he can look directly at me. He tries to capture my gaze, but I don't really see him. He sighs, knowing that I passed my tolerance then repositions me back into a snuggle and wraps both arms around me kissing the top of my head. "You're ok now. You are here with us. You are loved and safe and protected."

With his warm, tender hug and soft words, I feel myself becoming more present. "I know." Steve pauses for a moment then hugs me tighter and places another kiss on the top of my head, but this kiss is a happy kiss not the sad trying to make me feel better kind.

Nat goes to my room to retrieve my new teddy bear then hands it to me. I accept the gift and snuggle the bear while Steve snuggles me.

"Thanks for talking to us," Steve hums. "Maybe you should go to Clint's house for an afternoon instead of planning to go for a week. What do you think Clint?"

"Yeah, great idea," Clint responds. "What do you think Jamie?"

I nod.

"We should host a barbeque for July 4th at our house. Everyone can come for the afternoon then, if you want, stay for some fireworks."

"Thanks, Clint. Maybe you should check with Laura first though," Steve suggests.

"She actually already suggested it."

"Let's do it. Jamie, are you ok with that?"

I nod, excited about the idea of all of us celebrating the holiday together.

Although a couple hours have past, I haven't been able to completely shake the scared feeling. It's so frustrating that I can't even go to my room unless someone is with me so I end up sitting on the bench seat of the bay window in the kitchen longing for outside with the green grass and the lake. Not being allowed to leave the building or even be in a room alone, I feel like a prisoner. _That's it! I'm either going to my room or I'm going outside to the lake._ Steve notices me stalking out of the kitchen but, with my emotional state, he decides to addresses my departure gently, "Hey, where are you going?"

I don't respond, knowing that if I talk then I will get stuck having to talk more but all I want to do right now is leave. Steve quickly catches up with me, stepping around me so my path is blocked. Crossing my arms, I growl in anger and frustration. Steve asks again, "Where are you going?"

My lips remain sealed as tight as my arms are folded across my chest. "Come on," Steve says while trying to physically redirect me back to the main living areas. Desperate to avoid Steve's intervention, I drop to the ground and sit propped up against the wall, tears spring from my eyes unwelcomed. I'm not sure why I'm crying or why I'm refusing to talk. I'm just irritated and want to get in trouble. After thinking for a few moments about what to do, Steve joins me on the floor. "So, what's up?"

I curl my legs up so my knees are against my chest and I wrap my arms around my legs, placing my face in the crevice between my knees. "Jamie, what happened?"

I don't respond.

"Jamie…" Steve is frustrated, not knowing what happened. He sighs heavily then gives me some time alone.

As soon as Steve turns the corner, I take advantage of the moment, heading to the closest exit. The warm air and bright sun feel good on my skin, it's refreshing like the first drink after a long run. There's also an excitement about breaking this rule, being in danger, rebelling, and the possibility of punishment.

I'm sure that I only have a few minutes before they come after me but until then I'm going to enjoy the façade of freedom. Since the back of the building only has windows along the top floor, I choose this route hoping it will afford me a few extra minutes. There's about thirty yards of grass then a thick layer of woods that forms the border of the grounds. I make a run for it crossing the threshold of the forest within a short time _. I wonder why no one has come for me yet._ _Maybe they don't care if I leave._ The thought leaves sadness in its wake. About five feet passed the tree line, I come across a stump that stands right next to a large tree. The natural chair is the perfect size for me. I curl up again feeling less vulnerable. Being out here, alone in the woods, I feel like I finally have a chance to think.

Flashes from the memory loop, from the boy, from Cross and the guard, continually assault my senses. I can see, feel, smell, hear, and taste everything from that day. Unconsciously, I begin to rock, trying to calm myself, unable to stop the memories from flowing and overwhelming me. ' _You are not allowed to move and you are not allowed to talk.'_ _'Good girl.' Crack, crack, crack._ Each sting across my bottom is heard and felt as my mind replays the event. The overwhelming fear that I felt is back in full force. _'See, you like this game,'_ Echoes in my mind over and over.

Someone picks me up, running while carrying me, but I am lost in the memory, hearing and feeling it all, everything seems so real yet I'm vaguely aware of others being around. I try to focus on real life, but the memory is too strong, too loud. All of a sudden, I feel very sleepy. The flashes of memory turn into dreams, awful dreams, reliving snippets from that day.

When I wake, I'm still feeling the memory, pain, fear, and most of all shame. I hear Steve talking but I don't respond, like he's far away. Steve gently runs his fingers through the front and sides of my hair, keeping the lose strands out of my face, rubbing my arm, squeezing my hand. His touch grounds me but I still don't want to talk. My body is paralyzed, too scared to move or to talk, it's natural for me to be like this, there's no effort.

"Can she leave now?" I hear Steve ask the nurse or maybe Bruce, I assume. _Where am I going? Away?_

"Yes…a close eye…emotional…extra care," I hear only pieces of the nurse talking through the fog of my memories. _I'm in the infirmary? Why?_

Bruce says something about Hulk. A few moments later, Hulk's strong thick arms wrap around me, picking me up and wrapping me in a blanket. "Jamie be ok," Hulk consoles.

 _The boy…'Are you allowed to make noise'…crack…pain…'You like playing this game'…smack…'Are you allowed to make noise'…'more please.'_

 **Hi All! Thanks for reading. I love sharing my story with all of you.**

 **Please review. I would love some feedback.**


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

"She's been like this for a full day now. I think it is time to contact Dr. Strange. We need to reach her and nothing we are doing is working," Tony says wrought with concern. The others agree.

Dr. Strange steps through his sparking portal within moments. Tony already informed him of why his presence was requested but seeing it in person causes his heart to drop. "You should have called me sooner," the doctor scolds, still feeling upset having witnessed the abuse and been powerless to stop it.

Immediately, Strange does the mind entering spell transporting Steve and Dr. Strange inside Jamie's mind. Flashes of the memory come and go relentlessly like strobe lights at a rave. The sensation is disorienting and terrifying like being assaulted from all directions. They can feel Jamie's fear, desperation, pain, and shame. They recognize the sound of the ruler hitting Jamie and the boy's taunts. There are other voices too. Steve looks around for Jamie. He finds a little girl huddled in the corner, shaking. "Jamie," Steve calls but she doesn't respond. Steve moves closer to her picking her up to comfort her. Jamie starts repeating what the boy taught her, "You are not allowed to move. You are not allowed to talk."

"Jamie," Steve says, "Jamie, it's Steve. I've come to take you home."

Jamie opens her eyes, clearly scared. She grabs onto Steve, clinging tight, as if her life depended on it. "Tell him I didn't move, tell him I didn't talk," Jamie begs then starts to cry uncontrollably.

"I'm here now, you're safe. The boy can't hurt you anymore. Come on, baby girl, let's get you out of here." Steve tries to calm the trembling girl in his arms.

"No, you don't want me. I'm bad. I'm bad. Tell him I didn't move and I didn't make noise." Hearing Jamie's pleas, Steve starts to cry, wrapping his arms around the girl, holding the back of her head and rubbing her back to comfort himself just as much as the little girl.

"Jamie, please, let me take you home. I will take care of you, I promise. Please, let me take you home."

Jamie whispers into Steve chest, "Just make him stop."

Steve and Dr. Strange take advantage of her willingness to leave. As soon as the reverse spell is utter, Jamie becomes aware of her surroundings but the fear, shame, and pain followed her.

Seeing Jamie awake, Steve carefully approaches her understanding how she feels having experienced the chaos in her mind, "Jamie?"

I'm drawn to the sound of Steve's voice, my eyes moving in the direction of the sound. Steve opens his arms welcoming me to go to him. He comforts me just like he did in my mind, with his arms wrapped around me, cradling my head in his hand while stroking my hair and rubbing my back. At first, I soak up the comfort but then pull away, feeling apprehensive. "I broke the rule."

"We can talk about that part later," Steve says.

"No, I broke the rule, you have to punish me!" Panic stirs inside of me.

Dr. Strange kneels down next to Steve and me, "Why should Steve punish you?"

"I broke the rule, I have to be punished, I have to be punished!" I shout, desperate for the punishment that will absolve me.

Tony, Bruce, Nat, and Clint are also in the room listening, not sure how to respond. Dr. Strange thinks for a moment, then says, "Jamie, I think you should rest now, we can talk more about that later. Do you mind if I help you sleep?"

"Fine," I reluctantly agree so I won't be in more trouble.

"Come lay down on the couch," Dr. Strange suggests then, once I am lying down, performs a brief spell that lulls me off into a dreamless sleep.

Dr. Strange addresses the team. "Inside Jamie's mind, we saw flashes of the memory much like strobe lights flashing quickly from all around us. We also heard sounds from the abuse like the ruler hitting her and the boy talking. I don't know about you, Steve, but I also felt what I imagine she feels. It was intense, overwhelming at best, the fear and shame…" Dr. Strange trails off for moment before returning the original goal. "What stands out to me though, was her begging Steve to tell the boy that she didn't move or make noise. I've recently read some books and articles on raising a child who has been abused. I think she wants to be punished because the abuse involved punishment. She most likely wants to be hit with a yardstick. I also heard Cross's voice while we were in her mind. My guess is that Cross also punished her in the same way for talking or moving, perhaps when he took her."

Bruce looks for clarification, "So, she wants to be abused?"

"Not exactly. She feels like she's been bad, that the abuse was her fault; therefore, the punishment that the boy dealt was deserved in her mind. She most likely wants to be punished because she feels like she's bad. Being punished for being bad makes sense to her. The worst thing you can do right now is punish her but she will try really hard to be punished," Dr. Strange explains.

"Self-injury," Nat talks aloud, the comment not directed to anyone in particular.

"What?" Dr. Strange asks, unsure if he heard her correctly.

"She's hurt herself a couple of times. One of us has to be with her at all times," Nat explains.

"She can flip from happy to enraged in seconds," Clint adds.

"How do we help her with this? How do we help her to see that what happened to her was wrong?" Steve asks.

"It will take time. Get her to talk about how she's feeling and what she's thinking. Lots of love and attention. And with the history of self-injury, don't leave her alone. She will probably push you away because she doesn't feel like she deserves to be loved or she may be afraid to love people again. There will be difficult times ahead for her. Let me know if you need me again. Oh, you should give the child psychologist a call if you haven't already."

Dr. Strange leaves as quick as he came. The team sits in silence as they consider Dr. Strange's advice. "I guess we keep doing what we're already doing. We push her to talk to us. When she breaks rules on purpose to get punished we snuggle more. When she is fed up with not getting punished we restrain her in a tight hug." Tony sighs feeling frustrated. "I was hoping we would be past this by now."

"Yeah, me too!" Jamie spits, hearing Tony's complaints from the doorway, then runs off.

"Dammit," Tony says quietly before yelling after her, "Jamie."

Steve steps in stopping Tony, "Let me go after her." Tony nods then Steve quickly follows after Jamie.

 _They want me to leave. I knew they would, I knew they would want me to leave. Why didn't they just send me to a foster home, why did they have me come here at all? I'm bad, I need to be punished._ I run out of the living quarters and through the front door. I only make it a few yards outside when I hear Steve call my name.

"Leave me alone!" I scream as he catches up with me.

"Jamie, stop."

"No, I'm leaving."

Steve grabs my arms just below my shoulders. "It's not safe for you to leave the grounds. We are going back inside."

"No, you can't make me," I yell, trying to get free from Steve's hold.

"You can walk on your own or I will take you in."

"You don't even want me, why do you care!"

Steve doesn't entertain any more arguing since we are outside where I'm less protected. Steve laces his left hand around my left bicep and keeps his arm firm across the lower part of my shoulder blades then starts to walk. I brace myself against his pull, unsuccessful in stopping him from taking me inside. As a last resort, I try to drop to the ground. Steve easily adjusts his hold so he is holding me up while walking. I squirm and wrench my body trying to get free but am back inside the living quarters before making any progress. Steve barks an instruction at the AI, "FRIDAY, lock the door," then gently lowers me go to the ground.

I immediately jump up and try to open the door, pounding my fists against solid metal barrier when the knob doesn't respond. Forcefully turning around so my back is against the door, I switch to protection mode, sliding slightly to the left to be in the corner allowing me to defend from the front with coverage on each side and behind me. Feeling like a trapped, wounded animal accepting its fate, I scream again then slide down the door to curl up, wrapping my arms around my center desperate to feel less vulnerable.

Steve also crouches down to be at my level, waiting for me to calm down some before approaching me. Tony comes over to meet us, crouching as well, but slightly closer to me than Steve. After a minute or two Tony begins, "I'm really sorry I hurt your feelings. I promise I didn't mean that I want you to leave. I love you very much. It just hurts to see you hurting so much."

I think about what Tony said, still crying I admit, "It doesn't make sense that any of you would want me."

Tony scoots a little closer, sitting next to me, so his shoulders are almost touching mine. "I know, but it's true. We all love you. You're our daughter now and there's nothing that you can do to change that."

"I thought I was passed this too," I say solemnly.

"Tell me what's going on," Tony says genuinely wanting to listen.

"Cross…he…he made me feel like…like I was…the memory…like it was real. When it was over, he said that it was b-b-beautiful to watch. The other guy, the guard, Cross told him to…the thing I was strapped in…it moved and…he…he..." I shake my head, the words not willing to come out.

Tony offers me a hug, holding his arms open for me. I lean in, getter closer to Tony, carefully, allowing him to put his arm around me. "Tell me more when you're ready, ok?" I nod.

"You know something that might help is drawing. You can draw what happened sort of like a comic book. That way you don't have to say the words."

"Yeah, I think I could do that."

"Alright, we will get you some stuff to draw with. Crayons, markers, colored pencils, do you care which?"

"Probably crayons."

"Ok. I will take care of that tomorrow."

I smile, "No you won't, you'll have someone else take care of that tomorrow."

Tony chuckles, "Yeah, you're right. I'll have someone else take care of that tomorrow."

Steve is smiling too, I think he's happy that I'm calm and smiling. "Steve, I'm sorry."

"I know baby, it's alright."

Tony gives me another squeeze then asks, "I don't know about you but this floor is feeling really hard. Want to move this party to the couch?"

I nod, looking forward to snuggling.

I lie on the couch with my pillow propped up against Tony and holding my teddy bear. Tony is lightly rubbing my forehead and playing with my hair. Within a short time, I'm asleep.

I wake, bolting upright, drenched with sweat, shaking and breathing heavy. The nightmare was intense, feeling too real. I drop to the floor curling up next to the couch.

"Want to talk about it?" I hear Tony ask softly.

My mouth won't work to respond, I just rock back and forth, trying to get control of my body. I feel sick. I run to my bathroom as fast as I can, making it just in time, vomiting into the toilet. Tony wasn't far behind. I'm sure he was preparing to restrain me in case I decided to hurt myself. With the contents of my stomach expelled, I wipe my mouth with some toilet paper, flush, then curl up on the floor next to the toilet resuming my previous posture. Tony waits just outside the bathroom, either uncomfortable being in my bathroom with me or wanting to stay away from vomit.

"Feeling better?" Tony asks.

I nod but keep myself curled up tight. _I hope I'm not actually sick on top of everything else._

"Come on, let's go get some apple juice, it'll calm your stomach."

Reluctantly, I comply, sitting on the bench seat below the bay window, curled up, staring outside into the night.

Tony pours me a glass of juice and brings it to me, sitting down on the other side of the bench. I take a sip. It's cool, soothing my throat and calming my stomach. "Thanks."

"What was your dream about?" Tony asks.

I don't respond but curl in a little tighter.

"Jamie?" I look at Tony. "Tell me what your dream was about."

 _Why does he want me to talk about it?_ I think to myself irritated. "The guard…Cross…" That's all I can get out, I shake my head returning it to the crevice between my knees.

"Jamie…," Tony presses then pauses until I look up at him, "…Did the guard hurt you, like the boy did?"

My breathing hitches and sputters, I look away from Tony trying to feel less vulnerable while flashes of the guard pulling down my pants and underwear, smacking me, and touching me and Cross reaffirming the boy's teaching to not talk or move.

Tony moves slightly closer, grabbing both arms just below my shoulders. "Jamie, did he hurt you?"

I give a quick nod and curl up tighter. Tony moves to sit right beside me, pulling me toward him into a hug. His muscles tighten and his breathing becomes heavier as he holds me. _Tony's mad_.

"Are you mad at me?" I ask, needing to know for sure.

"No honey. I'm not mad at you, not at all. I am mad at Cross and the guard. No one is allowed to hurt you. What happened is not your fault, bad men did bad things, not you." Tony explains trying to reassure me with his words and comfort me with his warm embrace.

"Then why does stuff keep happening to me? If it's really not my fault, then why…" I weep, the gravity of my words hitting me more now that they've been spoken out loud.

Tony pulls me in again, comforting me as I cry. "I don't know, honey, I don't know. I don't know why anyone would want to hurt someone as special as you. And I'm going to do everything that I can to make sure that never happens again."

When I calm down, I take a few more sips of juice. My stomach is feeling much better now.

"Let's go back to sleep, what do you say?" Tony suggests.

I nod and abandon my cup on the bench, following Tony back to the couch. He turns the TV back on with the volume low then rubs my forehead again until I fall asleep.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

The next morning, I wake alone in the living room but I can hear people talking in the kitchen. Knowing they will stop talking about anything important as soon as they see me, I try to listen from my spot in the living room. No luck, I give up only hearing a word here or there, deciding instead to go to the bathroom to relieve myself and brush my teeth. Enjoying my time alone and admittedly feeling gross from sweating during the night, I decide to shower. Besides, today we're going to Clint's house so I might as well get ready for the day. The warm water feels amazing and so does being in here alone.

"You alright in there?" Nat calls.

 _Ugh!_ "Yeah."

"Ok, I'll be right here if you need me."

"I said I was alright, you can leave!" I shout, angry, more angry than necessary.

"I'm staying in the bathroom," Nat declares with her no-nonsense tone.

"I don't want you in here!" I scream.

"Alright, shower is over," Nat says while reaching into the stall to turn off the water.

"Stop!"

"Are you getting out on your own?"

I growl, stomping my foot. "I don't want you to see me!"

"Why?" Nat asks, her tone slightly less harsh.

"Because…," At that my tears being to fall, feeling frustrated and vulnerable. "I promise I didn't hurt myself."

"I'll turn around when you come out of the shower and while you get dressed, but I'm not leaving the bathroom without you," Nat compromises.

I'm still scared but try to comply, grabbing my robe from just outside of the shower and covering myself with it. The fabric only helps me feel slightly less exposed. I'm not sure if I trust Nat, I don't trust anyone right now, especially like this, vulnerable in the shower.

"Jamie, I know you're scared," Nat says, her voice much softer now. "I'm trusting that you didn't hurt yourself, now trust me that I won't hurt you and I won't look."

 _I hate this!_ I think as a few stray tears roll down my cheeks. Nat says to trust her. I do I guess but something about this, not being dressed, having to get dressed with someone there, I'm scared. "Please, please." I sputter through panicked tears. "Can't you stand in my room, right outside the bathroom door, and just not shut the door the whole way or something? Please."

I hear Nat sigh, "Alright, I will stand right outside the bathroom door, with the door cracked opened a couple inches."

Believing her word, I start to feel myself calm some, "Ok, thank you."

When the door closes, I peek around the shower curtain, checking to see if I am in fact alone. Nat left the room and the door is slightly ajar. My lungs fill with a deep breath, calming myself, then quickly head into the closet to get dressed without removing the robe until the very end. I feel safer now that I'm dressed.

"Ok, are you done now?"

"Yeah, you can come in." Nat opens the door, concern written across her face. Her eyes scan me, assessing whether or not I hurt myself. She seems relatively sure that I'm ok.

"Would you like to check me?" I offer, annoyed, but willing to make this concession after she agreed to wait in my bedroom.

"Yes, I would feel better if I checked you."

"Ok," Although it was my idea, my body impulsively tenses when she comes near me.

Nat notices my reaction, but continues quickly lifting up my pant legs seeing only my old, healing wounds. "Ok, thank you," Nat praises while returning my pant legs to normal. Still seeing the fear in my eyes, she brings me into a hug. "I'm so sorry you're going through this," Nat murmurs then kisses my forehead. "Are you alright?"

I nod.

"Ok, let's get some breakfast." When we arrive in the kitchen, Clint is sitting in his normal chair with a bowl of cereal already poured for me. "How are you today?" Clint asks.

I shrug my shoulders hoping he won't probe any further.

"So, today is July 4th. We're wondering if you decided whether or not you want to go to my house for a barbeque. If you want to go then we will all go. If you would rather not go then only I will go. What do you think?"

I look at everyone to gauge what they may be thinking. It looks like everyone except Tony thinks it's a good idea. I nod, "Yeah, let's go."

We arrive a few hours later at the farmhouse. The kids are excited to see me and everyone else. Laura greets me first with a big hug. "Have a nice trip?"

I nod.

"Great. We are so excited that you came along." Laura looks over at Clint, "Did you make sure she put on sunscreen?"

Clint gave his wife a funny, 'sorry, forgot, don't be mad,' look which she recognizes immediately with an grin.

"Come on Jamie, I have some inside. Let's get you fixed up," Laura says while lacing her arm with mine.

Clint gives me a 'sorry about that, but there's no point in fighting it,' look. Steve chuckles at the interactions between Laura and Clint and now me.

Laura takes me to a nicely decorated yet generic guest bedroom where, I presume, I will sleep when I visit. It's a large room with light purple walls and white trim. The big bay window that overlooks the front lawn with a padded bench seat captures my gaze as soon as I walk over the threshold. The window is adorned with beautiful cream curtains with purple flowers. On the bed, there's a matching quilt and purple pillows. There's also a white desk, dresser and a full free-standing mirror. "Do you like it?" Laura asks hopefully watching my face closely.

I nod, "It's beautiful, I love it."

"This is your room whenever you come to visit. Clint also put some shooting gear in the closet for you."

"I...I don't know what to say, this is really nice," a few tears run down my cheeks. Laura pulls me into a hug shedding a few tears of her own.

"You also have your own bathroom in here. I put some soap, shampoo, a toothbrush, toothpaste, things like that in here," Laura says while going inside the bathroom to retrieve the sunscreen from a cabinet on the wall. "Here, I picked up some sunscreen for you too. I'm going to head downstairs, come down when you're ready."

"Ok," I say feeling loved and a little sad.

As requested, I apply the sunscreen then sit down on my bed, taking it all in. A knock at the door and a familiar voice bring me out of my reverie, "So, what do you think?" Steve asks standing in my doorway watching my reaction.

"They have a bedroom for me," I utter in disbelief, feeling surprised and special.

"They both love you and want you to feel at home here. There might come a day when you want to leave the compound and have a more normal life. They just want you to know that you can if you want," Steve explains.

My tainted self-esteem snakes its way to the forefront of my mind, "They won't want me anymore."

"Jamie…I see what you're doing, you don't want to feel rejected later so you're going to reject them first," Steve points out, catching me off-guard.

 _Is that really what I'm doing?_ I ask myself, looking out the window at all of these people who say they are my family now. Down below, Clint is starting the grill, Laura is talking to Nat, the kids are playing with a gadget that Tony made. _Is this really my life? All of those people, will they all eventually leave me, see how bad I am then throw me away?_ Fear rises up inside of me thinking about losing them. "Yeah, maybe you're right."

Steve closes the distance between us, wraps me in a hug and kisses the top of my head, "We have stuck with you so far, that should count for something."

I admit, "Yeah, it does. I've been pretty bad lately."

"Not bad," Steve says firmly, "You are going through some really tough stuff, but you have not been bad. Got it?"

I nod, preferring to avoid an argument or having to talk about this anymore.

"Ready to join the party?"

"Yeah, I guess."

With one last look at my room, Steve and I head down the stairs and go through the back door to where the others have gathered. As if she had some sixth sense, Lila spots me right as my feet reach the porch, yelling my name. She squeals, grabbing my hand, "Come play!" I comply, reminded of Lizzy's excitement. Lila drags me over to where Cooper is playing with a drone that Tony brought. Lila giggles watching Cooper showing off how he can make the drone flip over and do other tricks. My mind wanders, thinking about Lizzy while sitting on the grass next to Lila, also enjoying Cooper's daring stunts with the drone.

After a little while, we are called to eat. Lila of course wants me to sit next to her and to have Nat on the other side of her. We both comply enjoying her smile. Steve sits next to me, Tony across from me and Bruce next to Tony. Tony has been watching me like a hawk the entire time. U _gh, he's making me nervous._ _He's waiting for me to be bad._ Clint briefly comments about how great it is to celebrate together then we begin eating.

Lila and Cooper finish eating first eager to resume playing. I remain at the table, enjoying some isolation as adult conversation goes on around me. After a few minutes, Lila comes to the table to get me. "Jamie, play frisbee with me."

Her unknowingly specious request ignites panic, threatening to explode among not only my new family but also Clint's family. Unable to think of any other option, I turn to Steve and whisper, "Jet, please."

While Steve excuses us from the table, I'm already retreating to the jet hoping to be within the safety of its reinforced shell before I lose it, hiding from everyone's curious gazes. Steve runs to catch up with me. As soon as I'm inside, I pace back and forth, grabbing both sides of my head to pull on two large chunks of hair. The pain near my temples helps to ground me in the present.

"How can I help?" Steve asks.

 _I don't respond. I really don't know what he can do to help._

Tony comes aboard less than a minute later, "What happened?"

"I'm not sure," Steve says keeping his eyes on me.

"I knew something like this would happen. It's too soon to let her off the campus," Tony reprimands sharply.

Steve raises his voice slightly, "Not now Tony."

 _Tony's mad at me._ I think to myself, adding sadness to the maelstrom of other feelings whirling around inside of me at disorienting speeds. With pacing doing little to help calm me, I drop to the ground, curling my legs up to my chest, wrapping my arms around my legs to steady myself, hoping to control my shaking.

Steve thinks for a moment about what has helped me to calm down before. He can really only think of restraint, so he decides to try a variation. Steve slowly moves to sit next to me while gently telling me what he's doing. "I want to try something to help you calm down. But you can tell me to stop if you want." Steve pauses for a few seconds to give me a chance to stop him then pulls me closer until I am sitting right in front of him, tightly wrapping his arms around my whole body including my legs that are still curled up to my chest. Testing it's strength, I push against his hold, but Steve's remains firm. I didn't expect it but I do feel myself relaxing, it's like a big hug but for all of me.

"Can you tell us what happened?" Steve asks after I start to show signs of calming down.

"Frisbee," I mumble, just barely able to speak the word.

Steve thinks for a moment, "Right, that's what you and your sister were playing when Cross showed up."

Steve's explanation brings understanding to Tony whose heart breaks a little, fully understanding how PTSD can affect someone. Tony kneels in front of me, taking my face in his hands, "Jamie, you are safe here with us. Cross cannot hurt you."

I nod, knowing that I'm safe but still trying to convince the rest of me. Steve continues holding me for a few more minutes until I completely stop shaking. "Feeling better yet?"

I nod.

"Ok, I'm going to start to let go now," Steve says, giving me a chance to ask him to continue if I'm not ready, then he slowly loosens his grip. My body maintains its calm demeanor.

"Tony, please don't be mad at me, I'm really trying to be good, I promise," I plead, worried that he will be angry with me for causing trouble.

"I'm not mad at you, kiddo. I was concerned that you might have trouble and being away from the compound, we would have less control. I'm actually very impressed that you asked to go to the jet. That was brilliant. You got to come in here, calm down, and when you're ready we can rejoin the others," Tony explains tipping my chin up so I can see the proud look on his face. "I'll ask Clint if we can put away the frisbee," Tony says to Steve and me then leaves the jet.

"Tony's right, asking to come here was a great idea. You got space to calm down and no one else needs to know that something happened. You were able to keep enough control until you got to the jet. Are you having a good time otherwise?"

"Yeah."

"Great. Ready to head back now?" Steve asks.

I nod. We walk back to join the others who have just begun eating dessert. Laura made Dutch apple pie and there's vanilla ice cream. I notice Clint signal to Steve, asking if I was ok. I presume Steve said that everything was ok because Clint smiled and returned to what he was doing.

Clint brought out stuff to play softball. There aren't enough people to play all of the positions for two teams so we just take turns at bat while the others field. Lila was given a t-ball stand and Clint stood behind her helping her to swing the bat. Once she hit the ball, Lila screamed, "I did it!" Clint had to remind her to run to first base. Steve tried hard not to hit the ball far. It really is fun to watch him try not to do his best. Bruce missed every time a ball was pitched. I suggest the t-ball stand which incites laughter from the others, especially from Lila.

When it's my turn at bat, I hit the ball on the second pitch, purposely letting the first go by me so I could get a feel for the pitching. My swing makes contact, launching the ball far passed Nat, who's playing the outfield. Clint was shocked, "Whoa, you should be on a team." My cheeks redden, blushing at Clint's compliment

As night falls, Clint finally gives in to Lila and Cooper's pestering, declaring that it's time for fireworks. Lila runs around, excited for the annual light show, announcing to everyone that her dad does the best fireworks in the whole world. We set up lawn chairs while Clint moves to the edge of the woods near the lake to set off the fireworks. Feeling anxiety stirring in anticipation of the loud noises, I whisper to Steve, "I don't know about this."

"Want to go to the jet, we can watch the fireworks from there maybe they won't seem as loud?" Steve offers.

"Yeah."

Steve and I head back to the jet and set up a blanket on the floor of the aircraft near the cargo door so we can watch the fireworks but he is prepared to close the door if needed. The loud cracks, snaps, and sizzles of the first fireworks go off in the distance, my body tenses, but watching the sky light up with the beautiful colors reflected in the lake and Steve's supportive arm wrapped around me help to balance my emotions. As we watch Clint's display, gratitude washes over me. "I'm pretty lucky."

"Yeah, why's that?"

"I have more family than I know what to do with, four dads and now two moms."

Steve wraps his arm around me for a side hug and kisses my temple, "We're the lucky ones."

When the sparks of the final firework rain over the open field, Steve and I return to the group. Lila squeals when she sees me coming, running to me with her arms open wide for a hug, "Did you see it? Wasn't that amazing!"

"Yeah, they were awesome, your dad did a great job."

"I know, he's the best! But…he's your dad too, right?" Lila innocently asks with her head cocked to the side in confusion.

Clint steps in, wrapping his arms around both of us and confirms, "That's right, you're both my girls." Then, he plants a kiss on top of both of our heads. Lila and I smile.

Laura calls to Lila and Cooper, "Alright you two, it's bedtime."

"Yeah, we have to get this one to bed too," Steve says while playfully shaking my shoulder.

"Thanks, I had a good day."

"I'm so happy that you came and had a good time. Please come back soon, ok?"

I nod then turn to Clint.

"And I will see you next week, ok?" Clint reminds me.

A hint of sadness crosses my face but I try to hide it. "Yeah, ok."

Clint opens his arms for a hug. I go to him faster than I should have and definitely hang on longer than I should have. A solitary tear wells up then overflows down my cheek. I try to disguise it but I think Clint noticed because he holds me tighter and kisses the top of my head. "You gonna be ok?"

I nod, but don't talk avoiding his eyes because I'm sure I will start crying. Laura also comes over for a hug. I didn't expect it but I latch onto her too. She holds me as long as I want. When it starts to feel awkward, I let go then back away, looking over at Steve to initiate leaving; he doesn't disappoint. Within a few minutes we are walking out the door toward the makeshift landing pad.

"It looked like it was hard for you to leave," Steve comments.

I feel…I don't know, vulnerable or embarrassed but I don't want to let anyone see it. "Yeah, I guess so," I say, noncommittally, avoiding his gaze so my eyes won't betray me.

"Hey, it's ok to like them and it's ok to want them as parents."

"Laura was nice," I say hoping to bring the current topic to a close, quickly running ahead to walk next to Nat.

"Have a good day, kiddo?"

"Yup. Did you?"

"I sure did. Clint and Laura are my best friends so its always great when I get to spend time with them and the kids."

"Did Lila call you Auntie Nat?"

"Yeah," Nat grins. "I'm like family just like you are now."

"Do you visit them often?"

"Well, not as much as I would like but we try especially for holidays and other celebrations."

Knowing that Nat visits them helps. I'm not sure what it is but I don't want to have to lose any of them. Steve said I may want to live there someday but I wouldn't want to if it means I have to lose everyone else. Nat notices the range of emotions that flit across my face, "You alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, just tired."

"Ok, sit on the bench with me you can lay down for a nap."

I smile at Nat, feeling loved. She is almost as hard to get to know as Bruce. Nat takes care of me but rarely offers much physical affection other than quick hugs. I'm excited to snuggle with her.

Although, I was trying to dodge talking about my thoughts earlier, I really am exhausted. Nat sits at one end of the bench seat with a small pillow laying on her lap then pats her leg. I accept the invitation and curl up next to her, closing my eyes. Nat covers me with a blanket then begins carding her fingers through my hair, humming a sweet lullaby. My last thoughts before dozing off are of my mother, Nat's motherly gesture reminding me of being cared for by my mom. I feel safe and loved in Nat's arms.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

 _I'm in bed…how did I get here? Hmm, I fell asleep on the jet. Someone must have carried me to bed._ "Good morning," Steve says smiling. I contemplate ignoring him, pretending that I'm still asleep but decide against it presuming Steve wouldn't be fooled. "Ready for breakfast?"

 _That's right, Clint's not here for breakfast, now I wish I would have pretended to be asleep._ "Yeah, I guess."

Steve smiles, "Come on."

Steve leads me to the kitchen where five bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch are arranged around the table. Tony, Nat, and Bruce are already sitting by their bowls. I cautiously sit down not sure what to make of this odd display. Hesitantly, I take a bite, looking around, to see what everyone else will do. Everyone else starts eating, too.

"Wow, this really is good," Tony says surprised as he shovels in another large scoop of cereal. Nat, Steve, and Bruce laugh. I smile, missing Clint a little less now.

When I'm finished with my breakfast, I try to leave the room, hoping for some alone time. "Hey, what's up?" Steve asks as casually as possible.

"Going to my room," I say, equally as casually, continuing to walk toward my room.

"Jamie," Steve calls quickly catching up with me. "You know the rule, one of us has to be with you at all times."

"Well your rule is stupid!"

Steve steps in front of me.

"Stop! I want to be alone!" I yell, trying to get around Steve.

Steve blocks me again. "Why do you want to be alone?"

"I don't know, leave me alone!"

"We need to talk, go to the living room." Steve commands matching each of my steps preventing me from moving passed him to get to my room.

"No! I don't want to! I want to be alone!" I scream, raging, flailing my arms at him trying to get him to back away, to leave me alone.

Steve aptly blocks my hits then gets me turned around, with his left hand around my bicep and his right arm across my shoulder blades. I try to resist walking but my feet slip along the floor, not giving me enough friction to even slow his pace, let alone stop him. My last-ditch effort, I lift my legs up, trying not to hold up my weight, but Steve simply adjusts so he is holding my weight while moving forward to the living room. Everyone has already gathered around the couch, ready to make me talk. I'm so angry, breathing heavy through my gritted teeth. Steve puts me on the couch between himself and Nat, Tony and Bruce sit in the chairs strategically placed directly in front of me. I feel cornered, vulnerable, panicked, and angry. Automatically, I pull my legs up close to my chest, wrapping my arms around them. Although a different context, the team recognizes how I'm feeling by my posture.

Steve gently approaches me, "What's wrong, kiddo?"

I don't respond, wanting this to be over, wanting them to back off. Nat tries to comfort me by touching my arm but my flinch convinces her otherwise.

Bruce interjects, "Jamie, are you afraid that we will hurt you?"

His question takes me off guard, _Am I?_ I shake my head.

Bruce continues, "So, what are you afraid of right now?"

"I don't know," I manage to say.

"Ok, so you don't know why you are scared but your body is telling you to be afraid."

I nod.

"Clint is staying home this week. How do you feel about that?" Tony asks.

I think for a moment, "I'm not sure. Sad, I guess, vulnerable maybe, I don't know. Frustrated."

"Frustrated, what do you mean?" Nat asks, curious.

"I hate that I care if Clint is here. I don't want to need him."

Everyone seems to understand.

"Let me ask you something, staying in your room, alone, will that help to get you to a place where you feel better or will you focus more on those feelings and end up feeling worse?"

I sigh, not wanting to answer Steve's question, knowing that it wouldn't be good for me but I want to feel bad, I want to hurt.

"Jamie?"

I growl, "I would feel worse. I probably would end up wanting to hurt myself." Admitting that was hard, I put my face in the crevice between my knees and cry.

Nat puts her arms around me to offer comfort hoping that I'm not scared of physical contact as I was just minutes ago. "Hey…We need you too. We all love you so much that when you hurt, we hurt. We are connected now in a way that we need to have each other. It is a little scary sometimes, to be dependent on someone else, but there's also a lot of good that makes it worth the risk."

"Peter is coming later today," Tony says.

 _Really, Tony, you're talking about Peter!_ "I don't want to deal with him today."

"What do you mean?" Steve asks.

"I just…I don't know…I don't want to embarrass myself."

"Ok, I'll keep him busy with training. But let me know if you change your mind," Tony says.

"There's something else that we wanted to talk to you about," Steve says hesitantly.

"That doesn't sound good. Maybe, let's not talk about it," I prefer to avoid whatever's coming.

"Jamie, we want you to see a psychologist. She will come here, be screened by Bruce like everyone else who comes. Dr. Strange highly recommends her," Steve builds his case trying to cover all of the potential areas of concern.

I'm not buying it, everyone senses my skepticism. "I don't understand, how is that different from a counselor?"

"Well not much, I suppose, but a counselor focuses more on the counseling part, the talking about feelings. A psychologist can also do counseling but they know more about how people work so she can help us to learn more about how to help you," Bruce explains using his bedside manner for kids.

"So, is a psychologist a glorified counselor or is a counselor a dumbed down psychologist?" I pose, knowing its more attitude than an actual question.

Tony smiles, "There's my girl." He likes when I'm sassy, especially to other people.

"What if I say no?" I challenge, presuming that's not an option.

"Sorry, this isn't up for debate. She is coming this afternoon." Steve says in his commander voice, expecting backlash.

I sigh, knowing there's no point in fighting it. My stomach is in knots. Steve asks if I want to eat lunch but I don't think that's a good idea, I'm sure I will just throw up if I try to eat right now. The idea of a counselor or psychologist or whatever she is, coming here, making me talk is terrifying. _What if she's just like Mrs. Cartwright. I might be in danger again. Last time, they didn't listen to me, they made me go. I wonder if Steve is willing to stick around for this, maybe he will be able to stop her if she's controlled by Cross too._ Bruce steps out around a quarter to one to run the screening then he brings her into my home. I stay in the kitchen, feeling a little safer with the table between the invader and myself.

The woman who enters with Bruce has a kind face, I didn't expect that. She is about the same height as Bruce, brown hair, blue eyes, her features are soft. She is dressed more casually than Mrs. Cartwright with khakis and a purple sweater. Her hair is pulled back in a low ponytail.

"Hi," the woman says smiling, looking around at everyone. "My name is Jen Carpenter."

The others say hi and introduce themselves; however, I continue to avoid contact as long as possible laying my head on my arm on the table trying to keep an eye on her while not making eye contact.

She turns her attention to me, "You must be Jamie."

I nod, keeping my head on my arm avoiding eye contact.

Still addressing me she says, "May I sit down?"

I hesitate for a moment debating whether I should say no but decide against being rude offering her a slight nod.

"Thank you," Jen hums while sitting in the chair directly across from me then continues. "Would you like someone to stay with you? Everyone could even stay if you want or everyone can leave? It's up to you."

I'm surprised that she offered, Mrs. Cartwright definitely didn't offer for others to stay with me. "I want everyone to stay."

Everyone takes a seat around the table which does make me feel better about this woman being here.

Jen continues, "I already have the details about what has happened so you don't need to worry about having to go into a lot of detail unless you want to. My goal is to get to know you better, find out what you like, what you want, and what you might want from me. We can meet one-on-one or we can include anyone that you want to include. We can talk around a table like this, in the living room, in the game room, or wherever. I want you to feel as comfortable as possible. Sound good so far?"

I nod.

"Is there anything that you want to ask me?" Jen asks genuinely wanting to be open with me.

I shake my head.

"If you ever think of something that you want to ask, please do, ok?"

I nod.

"Are you comfortable here or would you like to meet somewhere else?"

I look over at Steve for reassurance, who nods, "Here."

"So, tell me about some of the things that you enjoy doing?" Jen asks.

"I like to play softball, I guess sports in general, air hockey, ride bikes, and swim. I like to shoot with a bow and arrow," I say as a hint of sadness seeps in which I quickly hide away then continue. "I like to read; doing math and science is fun too."

"Wow, that's a great list. Do you get to do those things now living here?"

"Yeah, some of it. Clint is teaching me how to use a bow and Tony and Bruce are doing some of the school like stuff," I explain.

"What about friends, do you have any friends your age here or did you have friends before you came here?"

The question makes me uncomfortable. I think she noticed. "Well, maybe Peter. He's someone I met here. I used to have some friends at my old school and my best friend lived on my street."

Jen asks for more information, "What happened with your friends from before you moved here?"

"I blew up my family, it's hard to go back to normal after that," I snort, on edge.

"So, things would be too different now, too weird or awkward?" Jen further interrogates.

I nod.

"Do you miss them?"

I sigh, hating this line of questioning, "Only Sarah, she was my best friend." I turn away from her, not wanting to talk about this anymore.

Jen figures out that I want to change the subject so she moves on. "How about favorite food, music, movies, maybe your favorite books?"

I grimace wanting to be done, my response sounding irritated now. "I like pizza and ice cream. I can't think of any of the other stuff right now."

"Is there a certain kind of ice cream or pizza that is your favorite?"

I let out a huff, annoyed with all of the questions, "Chocolate ice cream and I like pepperoni pizza with extra cheese."

"Thanks for talking to me today. I know it's hard to feel comfortable talking to someone about how you're feeling and things that have happened. Now I would like to talk to the grown-ups. You are allowed to stay if you want or you can go to the living room to watch TV until we're done talking. Which would you like to do?"

"Living room," I say then get up quickly.

"It was nice to meet you Jamie," Jen says smiling warmly.

Jen turns to look at everyone. "What questions do you have for me?"

"I guess just how we can help her and how to deal with some of the problems that come up," Steve asks.

"Tell me about one of the problems."

"Well, she can be happy one moment, then trying to hurt herself the next. There's always some reason, but it's often not something that we pick up on in the moment. Yesterday, she was playing with some younger kids, having a good time, then a frisbee was brought out and she panicked. We were able to help her calm down by holding her tight like in a bear hug. Then this morning she wanted to be alone, which we don't allow because of the unexpected flips and wanting to hurt herself. She yelled, started to hit me, tried to get away. I stopped her, physically escorted her to the living room. We had a big meeting where we weren't going to let her leave until she talked to us. She has hurt herself, needing stitches a few times. She shuts down sometimes, not talking or responding at all, like she's in a coma." Steve describes the problems without mentioning going into Jamie's head with Dr. Strange unsure of how much she knows about the mystical arts.

"It sounds like you are already doing the things that I would suggest. It's nice that there are so many of you to share the work load, it can be very draining to meet this level of need. Make sure that you are all getting what you need, in terms of rest and breaks. Jamie needs consistency, as much as possible, in every way possible. She needs her world to be predictable right now. Any changes will likely make her feel out of control, vulnerable, scared, even question her place here." The team immediately thinks about Clint's absence and Jamie's response.

"She needs a lot of supervision, choices made for her sometimes, but to counter that, she should be given as many opportunities to make choices for herself as possible. That can be in the form of choosing pizza or sandwiches, watching TV or reading. The bigger decisions that involve her safety and well-being will need to be made for her because right now she's in self-preservation mode, meaning she will do what feels less scary even if her safety is at risk.

"For kids who suffer trauma, they often stop maturing emotionally around the age of the trauma, then slowly catch up if no additional traumas occur. It sounds like Jamie has had at least two major traumas so she probably feels, acts, and thinks much like a seven-year old. It's ok to meet her where she is, indulge her. Bedtime stories, special activities, snuggles, anything that a little girl would like she may also enjoy.

"I like that you are insisting that she talk through what's bothering her, not letting it simmer. She likely feels as though she is bad, that trusting others is dangerous, that she could lose everything again. So, time alone to think is likely to be tainted by those core issues. She will question her position in your world a lot, you should expect her to push limits and break rules to see how you will react. It is imperative to interact calmly with her. She isn't at the point where she feels safe enough or secure enough to just be a kid so when she breaks rules, assume for now it's to see how you will react.

"From her file, it sounds like fear tactics were used to keep her quiet, specifically corporal punishment with command statements. She will likely seek out that punishment as a way to make things right. By that I mean, the abuser spanked her with a yardstick when she broke his rule then once the punishment was dealt and she changed her behavior, the abuser said she was a good girl and the broken rule was rectified. So, she may want to try to rectify problems that come up, possibly broken rules but more likely anytime someone is displeased with her by being smacked. Avoid punishing her, especially corporal punishment. Instead, reward behaviors that you want to see more.

"She may also feel like she's bad, many victims of sexual abuse often feel like they are inherently bad, not just certain behaviors. She may break rules in order to be punished for being bad not for breaking a rule.

"She has PTSD which is especially difficult to deal with because there's often multiple triggers. She probably doesn't know all of them either. Pay close attention to any changes in her and note what in the environment could be triggering her. Do the things that have helped her feel safe so if restraining her makes her feel safe then it's ok to do that. However, be very careful with restraint. If she's in danger of hurting herself or others, then do what you need to do to keep her safe. If you are using restraint to help her calm down be very attentive to the effect that the restraint is having on her. If her body is relaxing, breathing is returning to normal then it's working, if she isn't calming down or if she is getting more frantic, stop, try something else. You do not want her to end up feeling less safe."

"Ok. Thank you for the information. That's really helpful," Steve says. "Will we continue to have this opportunity to meet with you as well for specific questions?"

"Absolutely, you can also call me directly with any concerns or questions."

"How often would you like to meet with Jamie?" Tony asks.

"Right now, twice a week. If something comes up, I can meet with her more."

"Ok. Thank you. I'll show you out."

"I would like to say goodbye to Jamie on the way, give her one last chance to ask any questions."

Tony nods, "Sure."

Upon entering the living room, Jen comments, "I'm going to leave now. It was very nice to meet you. I'm planning to come back in two days. So, we will meet about twice a week. Do you have any questions?"

I shake my head without looking at her.

"Ok. Goodbye Jamie," Jen says then Tony walks her out.

Steve sits next to me. "What did you think of Jen?"

"She seems nice. Way better than the other lady. Will you always be allowed to stay if I want?"

"Yes, she said that it's up to you where we meet and who's there."

"What did she say about me?" I wonder, concern etched across my face.

"Nothing bad. She gave us some idea of what you need and how we can help you."

"Ok."

"What are you watching?" Steve asks looking at the TV.

"Nothing. I turned it on but didn't really want to watch anything that was on."

"Ok. Well, now that that's over with are you hungry?" Steve asks.

"Yes."

"We have stuff to make sandwiches."

I shrug my shoulders.

"What sounds good?"

"Grilled cheese and tomato soup," I say, my mouth beginning to water.

Steve smiles, "You've got it kid. Want to help me make it?"

I nod, smiling.

Steve spent the rest of the day with me. We made my lunch together, played catch with a softball, watched a movie while I snuggled, had dinner, then made ice cream sundaes for everyone. Steve tucked me in bed too. He asked if I wanted him to read me a story but as silly as that sounds, I loved it. I held my bear, snuggled up against Steve while he laid next to me reading. I fell asleep before he was done reading the book feeling loved and cared for.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

The next morning, I wake to Nat carding her fingers through my hair, waiting for me to wake up. "Morning, kiddo. How did you sleep?"

"Good" I chirp, still feeling great from the special time with Steve yesterday. Granted, meeting Jen was awful but then Steve hung out with me the rest of the day and even read me a bedtime story. I loved it!

Nat smiles too, "Happy to hear it. Ready for breakfast?"

"Yeah."

We walk side-by-side to the kitchen where Steve and Tony are making pancakes and sausage. I can't help but to laugh at the sight, Tony has white powder on his face, trying unsuccessfully to flip the pancakes. Fortunately, Steve has pity on him and takes over the pancakes. When they finish up in the kitchen, they join the rest of us at the table. We eat and talk and laugh.

"How about we do some school today?" Tony suggests after watching me intently for several minutes.

"Ok." I buzz, looking forward to doing some math and maybe learning something new about physics.

"Should we invite Peter?" Tony asks.

 _Oh, that's why he suggested school._ I flop back in my chair, disappointed. "Why do you want me to hang out with Peter?"

Steve, Tony, and Nat glance at each other with guilty looks. _Yeah, you've been busted._

"Why don't you want to hang out with Peter?" Tony asks.

"Answer my question first."

"We think you need to have at least one person your age to spend time with, not just grown-ups. Besides, it looked like you and Peter had fun together," Steve comments. "Your turn."

"I'm afraid I'll go all crazy in front of him," I whine, _they just don't get it_.

"Ok. Well, what did you do when you were at Clint's and started to feel like something was happening?" Steve says more of a reminder than an actual question.

"I told you and asked to leave the party for a while," I recall, knowing he has me on this one.

"Would that work while you're with Peter?"

"Maybe, but he's more aware than a nine- and seven-year old. And, he already saw me wigging out twice so he will notice, I'm sure of it."

"Jamie, Peter cares about you. He's like us, he knows what happened but wants to be around you the same. Peter isn't the kind of person to think less of you or to make fun of you. He probably will care more about you," Steve explains.

"Fine, you can invite Peter," I murmur, anxious about my choice, sincerely hoping I don't regret giving in.

Tony takes advantage of my favorable choice, quickly setting up plans with Peter to meet us in the classroom before I have a chance to change my mind. With breakfast eaten, we head over to the classroom to meet Peter. Peter looks like he was expecting to do school with me; he's dressed in regular clothes, not training clothes. _They tricked me_ , I think to myself feeling a little betrayed.

"Hi," Peter says softly, a small smile crossing his lips.

 _He's acting like I'm going to go crazy on him._ "Hi," I spit with more venom than intended.

Tony looks at me with a 'be nice' look. I sigh, "How's training?"

"It's great. Mr. Stark added some really awesome new features to my suit. I'll show you later if you want."

I look over at Tony unsure if I'm allowed to say ok. Tony nods slightly. "Yeah, sure. That sounds like fun."

"Ok great," Peter says smiling then turns his attention to Tony. "What are we covering today, Mr. Stark?"

"We're going to do a review of Algebra for a while, just to get warmed up."

Before long, the whiteboard is filled with various examples of the problems we will be working on. We both practice problems then collaborate when one of us doesn't know how to do one of them. It feels like we are falling back into a rhythm, Peter and me. It's nice to interact with another teenager instead of just adults, albeit difficult for me to admit. When the lesson wraps up, I ask Tony if Peter and I can hang out together alone. Tony hesitates at first then agrees giving Peter specific instructions. "You two can hang out inside the compound but bring her back to one of us when you're done. Got it?"

I roll my eyes but decide not to comment.

"Sure thing Mr. Stark. Come on Jamie, I want to show you my suit," Peter says, practically bouncing out of the classroom.

Once in Peter's training area, he changes into the suit then proceeds to talk to the AI built into his suit and all of the new features as well as some of his favorite old ones. Peter runs through his training course once for me too. It was fun to watch at first but after a while, it's just not exciting anymore. Peter is way more into this than I am. "That's really cool Peter, thanks for showing me your suit."

 _I can sneak away since I'm alone with Peter. I bet I can convince him to not walk me back._ "I'm hungry, so I'm going to head back now."

"Oh, ok. I'll get changed quick."

I interject before Peter has a chance to go into the locker room, "Wait. No, Peter, you just got warmed up, continue with your training. I'll see you later, ok?"

"But Mr. Stark said…"

"Do you always do what Mr. Stark says? Come on, I'm thirteen years old. I can walk myself back to the other side of the building," I am indignant with being treated like a baby, laying it on thick so Peter will leave me alone.

"Well, yeah, mostly. He's been really good to me and he only has rules to keep me safe," Peter explains.

"Ok, but how much danger can I get in walking from this side of the building to the other? Surely you can see that some of Mr. Stark's rules are overprotective."

Peter seems pacified, nodding in agreement about the 'overprotective' comment.

"See ya later," I wave then quickly head out of the training room. Briefly looking around to see if anyone is watching, I run out of the back of the building into the woods. _I will get at least a little time to myself before someone comes to collect me._ Thinking about how little freedom I have makes my blood boil. _They never let me do anything. I can't even brush my teeth without a babysitter. They treat me like I'm two!_ The anger quickly turns to rage. Rage over being in this situation, that it's all my fault, knowing that I deserve to be locked up like this and I deserve to be punished.

I scour the woods where I stand, looking for something that I can use to punish myself, finding a nice strong stick lying innocently near my feet, waiting for me to use it, no daring me to use it. I grasp the stick in my right hand, admiring its thickness and weight then begin raining down swats, beating my arm as hard as I can over and over. A bruise starts to appear which only encourages me to strike harder and faster. _I'm bad! I'm bad!_ I yell in my head, tears flowing down my cheeks, continuing the barrage of strikes until I'm satiated, pausing when I feel out of breath. I'm mesmerized by the large purple and black bruise that reaches from the inside of my elbow to my wrist, gently rubbing it, enjoying the feeling of my warm skin as each touch causes me to wince, blown away by how effective the stick was. It felt wonderful, the pain, the ugly bruise, all of it feels right. I decide to sneak back inside feeling calm having been punished.

Somehow, I manage to get all of the way back to my room presumably while the others are out looking for me. Realizing I need to keep my secret, I change into a long-sleeved shirt before walking into the kitchen like nothing happened. Anger builds as I notice Tony and Peter sitting at the table, Peter with his head down, Tony's face red with anger.

Tony, straining to keep his voice from yelling, scowls, "Where have you been?"

"I went for a walk," I say annoyed, shrugging my shoulders as if it wasn't a big deal.

"Why didn't you come back with Peter? If he hadn't come to tell me we wouldn't have known you left."

"Narc." I say under my breath but loud enough for them to hear then sharply cross my arms, angry with Peter. Peter looks away, his eyes red like he might cry or maybe he was crying. I wonder if Tony yelled at him.

"Peter, go ahead back to your training. I will come find you later," Tony motions to Peter without taking his eyes off of me still straining to keep his anger under control.

Peter hesitates for a moment then gets up to leave. I feel bad that I used him but I'm not going to let it show right now. Tony contacts the team on coms so they know I am back inside, then waits until the others get back to address my behavior. I assume he doesn't think he can keep himself from screaming at me, maybe even hitting me.

Steve, Nat and Bruce return within a few minutes. The stale mate inside hasn't ended. Tony motions to Steve to meet in the other room first while Nat and Bruce keep an eye on me. They aren't gone long. When Steve and Tony re-enter the room, Steve takes the lead.

"Let's go to the living room," Steve says.

"No, I'm not going," I refuse, defiantly.

"You can walk on your own or I will take you there," Steve threatens knowing I'm not likely to give in.

Even though I know he will make me go to the living room, I don't move, daring him.

Steve sighs then moves next to me and reaches for my left arm. He didn't know that I hurt my arm but I can tell from his reaction when I winced from his touch that he knows something's wrong. Steve signals to Nat to physically guide me from the other side. I scold myself for not protecting my right side, for not expecting them to pounce from both sides. They leave me no choice, walking me to the couch, each keeping a hand on me. Again, they sit so that I am on the middle seat with each taking their respective seats on either side of me with the others pulling up chairs to sit only inches away directly in front of me. _Argh_ , _I hate when they do this!_ I angrily cross my arms looking away from them, aware of the pain in my arm but enjoying the sensation.

Steve starts, "Why didn't you stay with Peter and let him walk you back?"

I don't respond.

Steve sighs, "You really hurt Peter's feelings. You put him in an awful position to have to tell on you to keep you safe."

Feeling awful about what I did to Peter, I agree, "I know and I'm sorry. I will apologize to Peter and make it right."

Steve nods.

Tony can't wait any longer to address his own hurt, "I trusted you with Peter. You broke that trust. Now, I will have to keep a close eye on you even around Peter."

"I'm sorry. That was stupid. I understand that you can't trust me," I say. Also, apologetic but more because I got caught. "Can I go now?"

"No, we also need to see your arm." Steve requests, knowing that's where the real talk begins.

Shifting uncomfortably in my seat, my heart sinks at Steve's words. I keep my arms crossed tightly near my chest, protective of my secret, trying to hide the pain that shot through my arm when crossing my arms tighter.

"We know that you went into the woods. What did you do there?" Steve presses.

"Went for a walk."

"Jamie, please don't make me force you to lift up your sleeves," Steve pleads, dreading the next couple of minutes.

"I can't make you do anything," I spit knowing they can make me do lots of things that I don't want to do, like sitting here on this stupid couch.

Steve sighs, then looks over at Nat who is on my right. At the same time, Nat and Steve each grab their respective side's arm right below my shoulder and my wrist.

I scream, "Ow! Stop." I try to pull away from them, flailing my arms and kicking my legs. Bruce and Tony were prepared for my feet, being so close to me helps to restrict my ability to kick them. Steve and Nat hold my arms out and Bruce lifts up my sleeves. "Stop, please!" I implore, desperate to avoid this confrontation and the shame from my self-inflicted wound laid out before them. Everyone can see that there is a massive bruise on my arm. Tony looks sick, immediately averting his eyes. As soon as I stop kicking, Tony gets up to leave my line of sight.

After examining my arm, Bruce provides his assessment, "It's a pretty deep bruise, there could be injury to the bones. We should take an x-ray to be sure but it can wait until we're done."

Steve continues his questioning, "What happened?"

I don't respond.

"Jamie…" Steve tilts my face toward his and, seeing that my eyes are distant, decides to halt the questioning and hold me instead pulling me onto his lap, tucking my head under his chin. Softly, Steve talks to me, "Jamie, we all love you very much. You aren't bad. You are a sweet, fun girl whom we all adore. Baby girl, how can we make you believe that?" Steve feels tears hitting his arm so he continues to hold me for a while, cradling my face, whispering he loves me.

After a few minutes, I sit up, still crying but aware. "I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have done this."

"What exactly did you do?" Steve asks wanting more information but still sounding caring.

"I found a stick in the woods and hit my arm…a lot. Then, I came back inside."

Steve nods, "Thanks for telling us."

Remembering that Tony left, "Where's Tony?" I plead, looking around, worried and anxious.

"I'm here," Tony sounds sad, defeated maybe.

I move to stand in front of Tony, head down, crying, "I'm really sorry, Tony. I'm really sorry."

Tony pulls me into a tight hug quickly wrapping his arms around me. "I know, honey, I know. I forgive you." Tony continues to hold me, cradling my head in his hand, running his hand over my hair, periodically kissing the top of my head.

Being engulfed in Tony's hug, I feel myself calming down. Bruce, waiting for this moment, says, "We should go get the x-ray now."

"Come on, I'll go too," Tony adds then walks with me without completely letting go of the hug, adjusting into a side hug.

My arm sporting a soft cast, I arrive back at the living quarters, annoyed that I have to wear this for the next three to four weeks.

Nat notices the cast immediately, her gaze meeting Tony's, "What did the x-ray show?"

"Hairline fracture. She will need to wear this for three to four weeks but if she messes with her arm, like removing the soft cast, she might have to move to a hard cast," Tony warns, accentuates what will happen if I remove the cast, not so subtly hidden in his answer to Nat's question.

"Can I go apologize to Peter now?" I ask urgently.

"Yes, he's waiting for you in the living room," Steve says.

Remembering Peter's face when I returned inside, I cautiously walk into the living room watching Peter looking at a book. "Hi Peter."

"Hey, are you alright?" Peter asks concerned, even more so when he spots the cast.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I respond then sit on the couch adjacent to Peter. "I'm really sorry. I used you to get out of the building. Then, I put you in the position of having to tell on me. You're not a narc, you're a friend."

Peter is mollified with my apology. "I'm just glad that you're ok."

I hear Tony eavesdropping. I pick up a pillow and throw it at him, "Stop spying, there's nothing wrong with my throwing arm."

Tony chuckles then back away with his arms up in front of his chest in surrender.

"Do you want to work on more algebra problems together?"

"Yeah, sure," I smile brightly, knowing that Peter wants to spend time with me even after everything that I did to him.

Peter pulls out paper and two pencils from his backpack and the algebra worksheets that Tony gave us this morning.

"So, school's over for the year, right?" I wonder, feeling out of touch with normal life.

"Yeah, my school ended a month ago."

"Wow, it's been that long." Although directly in response to what Peter said, my comment is more about how long it's been since my family died.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Peter asks, seeing sadness creep into my facial features. "Should I get Mr. Stark?" Peter asks while beginning to stand up.

"No," I say, alarmed.

"Ok, so what's wrong then?"

"You already know that my mind can, I don't know, explode right?" I ask Peter who responds with a slight nod. "Well, my mom and sister…I-I killed them," memories from the day begin to assault me. "They died…last May." I am able to collect myself enough to continue after a few moments, "My father died when something similar happened when I was seven," I pause thinking about my family, filled with sadness, guilt and other feelings that I can't identify. "So, I was reminded of how long it's been since I came here, since the rest of my family died." I reflect for a moment then continue, "My life is a complete mess right now. Everything changed that day and now I live here with way too many parents. I get sad or mad or whatever a lot, which is why I'm not allowed to go anywhere alone, and why I've been avoiding you." Peter listens closely while I talk.

"I'm so sorry about your family and everything. I promise I'm not going to be weird with you if you're emotional. I care about you, as a friend," Peter explains. _Wow, he seems to understand what this feels like._

"Well, I need to head to bed now, Mr. Stark has my training starting at six o'clock…in the morning, ugh," Peter complains but the smile that spread across his face tells me he's also excited about it.

"Ok," I respond with a slight smile. "Bye," I quickly say, waving to Peter as he moves out of my line of sight.

The strong emotions from a few minutes ago are still weighing on me. I remain sitting on the floor where Peter and I were sitting doing Algebra on the coffee table laying my head on the couch, crying.

"What's wrong?" Steve asks when he sees me.

Steve sits on the couch and pats the seat next to him.

I accept Steve's invitation, leaning up against him for comfort. "Today is July 6th, right?" I ask.

"Yeah," Steve replies hesitantly.

"My mom and sister died two months ago. I feel like I've been here forever, struggling forever. I hardly remember what a day was like at home. I have trouble picturing my mom and sister in my mind, I-I-I'm forgetting them. And, what happened to all of my stuff and all of their stuff. I didn't even go to a funeral or anything. My old life just ended. I went to school and had friends, I played on the softball team, went to the mall. All of that is gone."

Steve holds me a little tighter, gently kissing my head, "Well, we had your family's stuff packed up. It's in a storage container here on the campus. We brought in a few boxes from your room including the family photos. We wanted to wait to give them to you until you are ready. It will be very emotional to look through them but you can when you feel ready." Steve explains, carefully, gauging my reaction. "The funerals took place while you were still in the hospital. That first week, you didn't talk or respond to anyone so the doctors and social worker decided that it would be detrimental for you to go."

I begin to weep. _I missed it, I missed the funerals because I was so weak._ Steve holds onto me tighter understanding that I am beginning to spiral again. I fight some against his restraint, checking to see if it's strong, because I want it there, I want to be protected while this emotion burns inside of me. I want to let it go, knowing I am protected. Eventually, I fall asleep, having cried the whole time, cried myself to sleep while Steve kept me safe and comforted.

I have awful dreams during the night about being alone, in the dark, afraid. I startle awake between bad dreams crying again mourning the loss of my family and my life, Steve holds me tighter every time.


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

Finally, I wake, the beautiful mixture of purple, red and orange hues from the rising sun draws me to the bay window's bench. Steve is still asleep on the couch so I move quietly hoping that I don't disturb him. I'm completely exhausted from the night before but somewhat, in a strange way, maybe a little less sad.

Not more than a few minutes pass before Steve wanders into the kitchen looking for me. "Whatcha doing?"

"Nothing really. I noticed the sun was rising so I came to the window to watch."

"It's really beautiful," Steve says sitting down on the other side of the bay window's bench. "So how are you feeling?"

"Tired, very tired. Sad, I guess. Lost."

"Let's get you tucked into bed. Maybe we can still get more sleep before it's completely morning."

I nod then get up and walk to my room with Steve following close behind. I climb into bed and scoot over so Steve can sit next to me. He lays back, positioning himself so I can lie against his chest with his arm around my shoulder. Between being exhausted and comfortable, we both fall asleep quickly.

Through my sleepy haze, I hear a knock on my wall, since I still don't have a door, that startles Steve and me awake. My eyes dart around the room, spotting Nat standing near the foot of my bed. "Hey, you two, it's almost noon. It's time to get up or you won't sleep tonight." I grumble, tucking my face against Steve's chest. I'm pretty sure Steve wanted to grumble too but decided against it, opting to sit up taking me along with him. "I brought a bag and some tape to put over your cast for your shower."

I roll my eyes.

"Jamie," Steve corrects me.

"Sorry," I mutter then obediently go into the bathroom.

Nat comes in a few moments later, "How's your arm?"

"Fine. Why can't I just take this thing off to shower, it's removable?" I whine, holding my arm out tugging on the Velcro strap showing that I can easily take the cast off.

Nat's face sets in a hardline. "Because your arm is broke. If you move it around then it won't heal right. Remember what Tony said, you will have to get a hard cast if you don't take care of your arm."

I hesitantly comply, knowing I won't win an argument with Nat, letting her put the bag on my arm. She helps me wash my hair, then when I'm done showering, Nat has me sit on the bench while she dries my hair. Needing to sit still with the loud hum of the dryer next to my ears, making small talk impossible, my mind wanders back to the pain I was feeling last night, sneaking out of the compound, and hurting myself. Looking at my casted arm, I notice part of the bruise sticking out from underneath the fabric covered foam brace. My fingers push against the bruise causing a wonderful pain sensation to shoot through me, temporarily taking my mind off of the grief and sadness. My heart sinks when I notice Nat watching me in the mirror. _I don't want to have to talk about this_ , I think to myself, so I lower my arm back down to my lap and focus my attention on the corner of the counter wanting to avoid looking at my arm or Nat. Remarkably, Nat finishes without addressing it so hopefully I'm in the clear.

Nat ushers me to the kitchen for lunch. Feeling queasy, I lay my head down on the table while everyone else eats. "Can I be excused?" I whine lifting my head a few inches to speak.

"No," Tony says.

I drop my head back down on the table and groan.

"What's up with you?" Tony asks.

"Nothing, now can I go, please?" I whine louder.

"I think I know what's going on, Jen is coming this afternoon," Steve nails it.

I groan again, loudly, hoping to garner sympathy so they won't make me do this again.

Steve puts his hand on my shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze. "Follow me," Steve says then turns to walk into the living room.

As requested, I follow Steve watching as he sits down on the couch then pats the seat next to him. Complying, I sit next to him and flop back into the seat.

"I don't want to talk to her again. I talk all the time, you make me sit right here and talk, why do I have to talk to her too," I complain, almost in tears.

Steve pulls me into a hug, I sink into the snuggle effectively ending my whining. I do feel less anxious now. And then, _ugh_ , Bruce comes in with Jen. Anxiety is back with vengeance.

"Hi Jamie, would you like to meet in the living room this time or somewhere else?" Jen asks innocently, genuinely wanting to make this time easier for me, but I still don't want to have to talk to her.

I fall back into the couch and put a throw pillow over my face. "Well, let's all meet in here. Does someone else want to start with a question or comment?" Jen asks, directing her comment to everyone instead of just me. I feel only slightly less anxious because it's still going to be about me.

Seeing that no one wanted me to feel like they were betraying my confidence, Jen proposes, "Jamie is there something that you would like someone else to bring up?"

With a heavy sigh, I utter, "My arm."

Tony seems relieved to get to talk about this. "I encouraged Jamie to spend time with Peter, he's another boy just a little older than her. She was reluctant but agreed. She wanted to spend time with him without me tagging along. I thought that since she was with someone else that she would be ok. She convinced Peter that she could be on her own then left the building alone, went into the woods, found a stick and beat her arm with it. She has a nasty bruise and a hairline fracture. I want to know if we should trust her with being with someone other than us?"

Jen nods, "Before I respond does anyone else want to add to Tony's comment?"

No one says anything so Jen continues. "Ok, Tony, it sounds like you are feeling guilty about permitting Jamie to be in that situation."

Tony pauses for a moment, "Yeah, she was my responsibility. I wanted to give her some time with a friend, some privacy to do what teenagers do."

I uncover my head and sit up; I can't let Tony feel guilty. "Tony, that was my fault not yours. I made the choice. I tricked Peter. I left the building, knowing it was against the rules, so I could hurt myself. I did that."

Jen prompts, "Why did you want to hurt yourself?"

I remain quiet for a moment unsure of how to answer that or if I even what to respond. "I don't know. I didn't want to be around Peter. I want my old friends, my old house, my old school, my own family but it's all gone because of me because I'm..." I put my head under the pillow again, trying to regain control of my emotions.

"Thank you for sharing that with me," Jen praises my willingness to share something with her. "Jamie's right, Tony, you made a choice to give her some leeway to have some normalcy. Jamie made choices too. But this isn't about being Tony's fault or Jamie's fault. All we can do is hope the choices made are helpful. Jamie does still need close supervision but having a chance to connect with a peer is also needed. Sometimes things will happen, we make the best choice that we can. Jamie, it sounds like you are feeling guilty too, and just like you didn't want Tony to feel guilty, he also doesn't want you to feel guilty. Your family's death is not your fault, it was caused by someone who was doing something wrong. I know it was your mind but you weren't the one who did something wrong."

Jen's comments hit a raw nerve. I try not to cry, not wanting to be anywhere near Jen anymore. I ask, louder than intended, "Can I leave now?"

"Yes, you can leave now," Jen says.

I get up quickly, retreating into my room. I hear Tony ask Vision to watch me. I growl but accept it considering Vision will at least leave me alone.

Jen starts, "I really like how this set up worked. Jamie is clearly attached to all of you. Having you in here with her also talking, with her permission, is helpful for her to feel more comfortable with me. You all have done a great job building a relationship with her, helping her to deal with her emotions, and keeping her safe. She's very lucky to have all of you in her life. Are there any other questions or concerns?"

"Any suggestions for keeping her safe? We can't lock her in the building and remove everything that she can cut, burn, or swat herself with," Tony asks, exasperated, still holding onto the guilt.

"That's a great question and one of the most common in this situation. No, you won't be able to remove everything and anything that she can harm herself with and there will most likely be more times when she does. It's important to keep her talking and supervised. With supervision you will see sneaking around which is why the open communication between her and all of you is so important. We want her to begin to come to you when something is bothering her. When that starts to happen with regularity, you will be able to back off some of the supervision. What other questions do you have?"

Thinking about the discussion with Jamie last evening, Steve asks, "Last night we talked about her home and her belongings. We have them here on campus. When will she be ready to have access to those things?"

"Another great question. I guess the unfairly vague answer is when she feels ready. From the little bit that we've talked about, probably not right now. Maybe a picture of her family would be ok but not everything all at once at this point. She will have a strong emotional reaction regardless of when but she's not equipped to handle the strong emotions yet."

Steve responds, "Ok, thank you for your help. It's nice to be able to check what we are doing, make sure we are on the right track and hopefully prevent us from making any big mistakes."

Bruce walks Jen out while Tony, Steve and Nat remain in the living room chatting.

Steve frowns, watching his friend reeling with guilt. "It's really not your fault Tony. We all thought that she needed some time with Peter just hanging out like teenagers. Jamie and Peter ended up having a great talk last night. She was genuinely sorry, made things right with him. She really felt bad about hurting you too."

Tony retorts, "Yes, I know, but if I would have stayed with them, even in the background, this might not have happened."

"Maybe it wouldn't have happened but Jamie would still be struggling with the same feelings regarding Peter and her life here versus her old life," Nat explains.

With that, Steve decides to check on Jamie, understanding how hard visiting with Jen is especially after the emotionally difficult night. When Steve enters the room, he sees Vision sitting on the desk chair just staring at her.

"Hi Vision, how's she doing?"

"Fine. She entered the room and laid on her bed."

"Ok, thanks. I can take it from here," Steve says then waits for Vision to leave the room to address her.

"How are you doing?" Steve asks.

"Vision creeps me out," I say while adjusting so I am sitting up on my bed.

"I know but he's still learning."

"You did a great job talking when Jen was here. Anything you want to finish talking to me about?" Steve asks.

Looking down at my hands, I try to put how I'm feeling into words. "I feel bad, like I'm bad, but I'm not sure why I feel that way. I know I'm responsible for killing my family but it's more than that. When I feel like that, I want to hurt myself. I want to be…punished, I guess. When I left the building yesterday, I wasn't planning to hurt myself. I wanted to do something bad so I could be punished. Can't you just punish me? You're always so understanding or forgiving or whatever. I don't get it, I do bad things and you're like, 'It's ok, I understand.' I don't want you to understand, I want you to punish me."

Steve sits down on the bed facing me but I continue looking down, not wanting to make eye contact. "Punishment is for when someone does something wrong as a way to learn from or make up for the bad behavior. You learned from what you did, right? You apologized, you talked to Peter and to Tony. I don't think punishment is necessary. Besides, I don't think you want to be punished for leaving the building, you want to be punished because you feel like you're bad, that you need to be punished." Steve puts his finger under my chin, "I won't punish you for being abused, I won't punish you for what Cross did to you and your family. You are good. You show us all the time how you are good. I just haven't seen where you are bad, at all. The most punishment you will get from us is having to talk about it, saying sorry, and maybe more supervision."

"I'm pretty sure you're already maxed out on the supervision part," I say sardonically.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. So, we will have to stick to making you talk to us."

"Why are you guys doing that, sitting around me all up in my face?" I demand, annoyed.

"Because that's how we are going to deal with stuff that comes up. We sit close so there's no distance between us, we are all here for you."

Irritated, I interrupt, "No, you sit close so I can't leave the couch or kick anybody."

Steve smiles slightly, "Well, it helps with that too. Seriously, Jamie, we don't want you to keep this stuff bottled up inside, because we've seen it eat you alive. That's why we don't let you stay in your room all day anymore either. You know, you can start one of those whenever you want as well. If you want to talk to us, like a family meeting, you can do that too."

I sigh, certain I will never start one of those awful talk circles. "Will all of you take vacations away from me?" I ask, unexpectedly.

Steve is initially taken aback but recovers quickly then responds, understanding where this is coming from. "Jamie, Clint isn't taking a vacation away from you. He actually wanted you to go too. He is spending some time with his family and he wanted you to be there also spending time with them. As for the rest of us, it's possible that we might take a vacation, but it won't be to get away from you."

Remembering my mom and dad's trip, I refute, "Sometimes parents go away, take a break from their kids, leave you with other people to take care of you. Why wouldn't you do that too?"

"We will never leave you with someone other than one of us. You never have to worry about someone hurting you like the neighbor boy. Ok? I promise." Steve touches my chin to make sure that I am looking at him and have heard him. "And, I guess you're right, sometimes parents do take breaks but we will never leave you with someone other than one of us."

I nod feeling a little better. I didn't even realize that was bothering me. "Thanks Steve." I shift in bed, moving to sit with my legs underneath me, falling into a hug with Steve who wraps his arms around me.

"You didn't eat lunch, are you hungry?" Steve asks.

I nod.

"Come on, I'll heat up some left overs for you."


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

The next morning, I wake up with Nat still in my room, lying next to me on top of the covers, asleep, however, as soon as I move, Nat wakes up too.

"What day is it?" I ask as soon as I see Nat's eyes open.

"Friday, July 8."

"How long until Clint comes back?"

"He will probably stop in on Monday."

"Ok," I say with a hint of sadness.

"Do you miss him?" Nat asks, watching my behavior.

I nod, a stray tear threatening to betray me.

"Clint said you could come visit. Do you want to take a trip there, spend a few hours with them?"

"Really?" I ask hopefully.

"Yeah, we can set something up for tomorrow. Sound good?"

I nod excited to go back to the farm to spend some time with Clint. "Do you think I can still shoot a bow with this cast on?"

"Yes, I think so. It may not be as accurate though."

We meet up with the others in the kitchen for breakfast. There isn't a special big breakfast today but I'm happy with just getting a bowl of cereal. I decide to sit next to Bruce for a change, who is reading the newspaper and drinking coffee.

"Jamie wants to go to Clint's tomorrow if it works with their schedule," Nat announces to the team.

Steve chimes in, "That's great. Clint will love that and so will Laura and the kids. Ok, so we know what you want to do tomorrow but what about today? Any ideas?"

"I thought I might spend the day with Bruce?" I peek over at him to gauge his reaction.

"Uh, wait, what?" Bruce looks around at Steve, Tony and Nat alarmed.

"Actually, I just want to watch TV," I deflect, trying to hide the stinging rejection I feel. I leave the table quickly to go to the living room, turning on the TV to make it seem like I really wanted to watch TV just in case someone follows me.

"Jamie," Steve calls, following me into the room but decides to take a seat on the adjacent couch instead of making me talk.

Tony chides, "You basically just told her that you don't want to be around her."

"I know, but I don't know what we would do. What if she gets upset, I don't know what to do?" Bruce tries to explain his reaction.

Tony retorts, "You can ask her what she wants to do, you can show her your lab, watch a movie with her, whatever. And if she gets upset, talk to her. Call one of us, and we will bring her back here to talk to her."

Bruce counters, "I don't usually do well with kids, they don't usually like me."

"Well this kid does like you and wants to spend time with you. You have also been here as a part of her new family, helping her deal with all sorts of traumatic events and now you're rejecting her," Nat says no holds barred.

"I'm not rejecting her."

"Well, that's how she sees it. We have all had to build a relationship with her so she feels safe and wanted. Now it's your turn. Besides, you have Hulk to help if things get out of hand," Nat tears into Bruce not giving him an out. "Now go talk to her. Apologize, snuggle with her, do something with her."

Bruce enters the living room with caution, as if being sent to diffuse a bomb, the others watching from the kitchen. "Um, hi Jamie."

I don't look up, just a quick, grunt-like acknowledgement, "Hi." Steve quietly leaves the room. T _hanks for nothing Steve!_

"What are you watching?" Bruce asks trying to get a conversation started.

"You don't have to do this, talk to me. I'll just wait until the next time I need the device adjusted. I'll know I can talk to you because you'll have your lab coat on," my words are laced with anger and rejection.

Bruce winces. "I deserved that. I'm sorry that I haven't spent much time with you outside of working. I have never been good with kids, well people in general. I'm the science nerd that spends my time working in a lab and, since Hulk came into my life, I typically avoid people," Bruce pauses unsure of himself, "I do love you, I'm just not so good at showing it."

I mostly believe him but I also don't want to be rejected again. Bruce sits down on the couch between me and the TV blocking my view, "I really am sorry. Give me another chance. Please."

Seeing the pained look on Bruce's face, I decide to cut him some slack. "Ok," I sigh pushing the red power button on the remote, "I'm not actually watching anything on TV."

"Ok, so what would you like to do?" Bruce asks.

"With the device and the ear piece, is it safe for me to go outside?" I ask Bruce knowing he will give me the actual answer to my question and not the scared, overprotective parent answer.

"I don't know if I should, maybe you should ask Tony."

"Bruce, I know I will have to be with someone. I just want to know if Cross can still get to me."

"No, I don't think Cross can penetrate the devices. Your protective layer may have rebuilt itself too."

"Ok, so I would like to go to the lake," I declare.

Bruce shifts uncomfortably.

"When one of them isn't sure if something is ok, they talk about it with the others. So maybe you could go talk to them and see if the safety with the devices is enough to lessen their fears of something happening while I'm outside. Please."

Bruce reluctantly agrees, returning just a few minutes later with the answer. "Ok, we are going to lift the restriction on being outside but you still have to be with one of us and you must wear the ear piece while you are outside. Do you have the ear piece in?"

I nod then pull it out briefly to prove that I have it.

"Ok, let's go," Bruce says.

I am so excited to go outside, especially going to the lake. The last couple of times that I was outside, I had to go hide in the woods, but now I can go to my favorite place. Bruce sets up a blanket in the shade right along the lake.

"I love coming to the lake, it's my favorite spot here," I say, taking in a deep breath of the fresh air, thrilled to finally be outside.

"This is where you came when you found out about the device," Bruce says with a hint of sadness and guilt.

"This is where you helped me when I was upset."

We both continue to reflect on past times, so many felt like they were years ago, not within the last two months.

"I've been here for two months. It feels like much longer," I comment, my innocuous words hiding the turmoil I really feel.

"Yeah, it feels like you've always been with us."

"Do you think the protective layer will always be there?"

"Well, I'm still trying to understand what it is. When you started doing better, it seemed to dissolve. A lot has happened since we tested you last. It very well could be back."

"I should try to train again. If it is there, I want to be able to control it better."

Bruce nods, watching me while I look out over the lake as two ducks swim by with several smaller ducks.

"Can I ask you something?"

Bruce nods.

"When you are Hulk, are you aware of what's going on?"

"Sometimes but it's usually fuzzy," Bruce describes now looking at the lake while I look at him.

"What do you mean by 'usually?'"

"Well, there are some potent images that stay with me. Like when you were unresponsive and Hulk held you all night. I can still see how you looked wrapped in his arms. He, Hulk, cares a lot about you and is remarkably protective of you. He is gentle with you in a way that he has never shown before. He's usually always angry but he isn't when he's with you. He seems more mellow all of the time now."

I think a lot about what Bruce said, surprised by the difference that Bruce has noticed.

"Do you know if Hulk can see much from inside?"

"He pays close attention when you're around. He's paying attention right now."

"How do you know?"

"I can hear him talking, or thinking maybe. I can sense his presence and how he feels. He loves you very much."

"That's really cool. I feel very safe with him. When I am really scared, I feel safest with him," I explain.

"You are the only person in the world who can say that," Bruce comments, smiling at the absurdity of it.

"Are you and Hulk the same person? Or do two different people share the same body or the same molecules from the same body?"

"I'm not sure how to answer that because I really don't know for sure. I know he was formed from me but beyond that…" Bruce shrugs his shoulders.

"You said Hulk is usually always angry. I sort of feel like that too. Like I'm always ready to lose control. Sometimes, I get so angry and I don't even really know why. It's just there. Although, for me, it's usually toward myself," I try explain knowing I'm not quite explaining this right.

Bruce nods, taking in everything that I'm saying.

"Bruce?" I begin to say while curling up my legs against my chest, wrapping my arms around my legs.

"Yeah?" Bruce responds with a hint of concern, seeing the change in my body language.

"Forget it. Ready to go back inside?"

"No, talk to me, what's going on?" Bruce encourages, hoping I won't push him away.

Softly, I ask, "Do you think I will ever be normal again?"

"I think you will develop a new normal. Sometimes you can't go back to the way things were. I can never go back to just being Bruce Banner, Hulk will always be a part of me. But I've found a way to feel normal in this extraordinary circumstance. You have a power within your mind that is extraordinary. You have experienced life altering events. So, you won't be able to go back to the way things were when your family was still alive. But you can find a new way to live, here with us." Bruce says then puts his arm around me. "I guess we do have some things in common. I want to help you find your new normal and if you'll have me, I want to be a part of it too."

I smile, leaning my head against his shoulder.

Bruce and I sit next to each other for a little while longer, enjoying the lake with the ducks and geese who swim on it. I feel loved by Hulk and Bruce.

We head inside for dinner, both feeling better about the other.

After dinner, I want to snuggle with someone on the couch. I plant myself on the couch first wondering if someone will sit next to me to snuggle. I was expecting Steve or Tony, however this time, Bruce sits down then takes a pillow and leans it up against himself. I smile and lie down, falling asleep quickly.

"Looks like things went ok this afternoon," Nat comments motioning to the sleeping girl.

"Yeah, I spent time answering her questions, we talked about Hulk a lot too; she is fascinated with him and Hulk is fascinated with her too. At one point, her mood started to change; she asked about how she can get back to feeling normal." Bruce describes the afternoon by the lake sadly smiling at her.

"How are you feeling now about being with her?" Steve checks in, but knowing the answer just by watching them together.

"It's nice. She's easy to talk to and oddly open for how much she fights sometimes." Bruce finds himself running his fingers through Jamie's hair.

"That's the best part," Steve says motioning to Jamie snuggled with Bruce. "You will look forward to the next time you get to snuggle with her."

Tony also shares, smiling at Jamie, "Yeah, she's really something special. I typically have trouble sleeping but when she's snuggled next to me, I sleep well, even partially sitting up. It's amazing the impact she has had on me. It really makes the harder stuff worth it."

"Well, who's taking the night shift?" Steve asks, wanting to give Bruce a chance to experience this, "I feel like I hog them so if someone else wants a turn…"

"I want to stay with her," Bruce says, already feeling comfortable enough to sleep.

"Sounds good. Well, goodnight," Steve says. Tony and Nat also say goodnight.

I bolt upright, breathing heavy, sweating, fear lingering from my dream.

"Are you ok?" Bruce asks from beside me.

I take a moment to piece together where I am. "Bruce?"

"Yeah, honey. Are you ok?"

"I'm fine," I say, while laying back down, eyes still wide with fear.

"What do the others do when you wake up from a bad dream?"

"Usually rub my forehead." Bruce kisses my temple then rhythmically rubs my forehead lulling me back to sleep within minutes.

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	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

I am so excited to spend some time at Clint's farm. Steve is coming too just in case I need something but I'm planning to shoot with Clint and maybe have some girl time with Laura, and probably play with the kids. I guess I only have a handful of hours but I want to make the most of it.

Nat helps me get ready because I am still wearing the cast. My stomach twists in knots thinking about possibly having to talk to Clint about what happened to my arm. "Nat, how much does Clint know about what's been happening here?"

"He calls at least once every day to check on you."

"So, he knows about the cast and why I have it?"

"Yeah, I hope it's ok that we told him."

"Yeah, it's fine. I was hoping he already knew, I don't want to have to talk about anything today." I'm relieved they took care of the hard stuff.

The trip is taking forever, making sitting in my seat difficult. Finally, Steve lands the jet in the same field as the other times we visited. I am up out of my seat with my backpack on waiting at the door before Steve is even done turning off the plane. Before Steve will open the door, he reviews how to handle my strong emotions probably so I don't upset Laura and the kids. "Ok, so if you feel like you're going to have a problem, what should you do?"

"Tell you, I will, I promise. Besides we only know that works because I did it first. Can we go now?" I'm nearly begging.

"Alright, alright, let's go," Steve chuckles at my excitement.

Clint meets us about ten yards from the cargo door. My excitement explodes, immediately running up to Clint, jumping into his arms. I think Clint was expecting it because he was ready to catch me. As soon as he puts his arms around me, I start to cry, happy to see him.

"Hi baby girl, I missed you," Clint hums, giving me a kiss on my cheek.

"I missed you too."

Clint chuckles, "I can tell."

Clint offers Steve a welcoming handshake without letting go of me since I haven't let go yet. "Thanks for coming. We are all very excited."

"It's my pleasure. Jamie has been bouncing around the compound since yesterday. It's nice to see her so happy and excited," Steve replies.

Laura comes outside with the kids hanging back on the porch. "Go on ahead, Jamie. Laura is excited to see you too."

"Ok," I squeal while running to the house.

I close the distance quickly, right into a big hug from Laura, nearly knocking her over. The kids' excitement keeps me from a longer hug. Lila also wants a hug.

"Come on in. Laura made some lemonade, want some?" Clint asks Steve and I when they finally make their way to the porch.

Steve and I both say yes and take a seat in the living room with Clint and the kids while Laura brings a pitcher of lemonade and a stack of glasses.

"So what's been going on, anything fun?" Clint is careful not to ask about anything that might be upsetting.

"Bruce and I sat under the tree at the lake, Tony tried really hard to make pancakes, and Peter showed me his suit's new features."

Clint chuckled, "Tony made pancakes?"

"No, Tony tried to make pancakes. He definitely was not successful. By the time Steve finally took over Tony looked like Casper the friendly ghost all covered in pancake batter and flour," I recall, smiling at the memory.

We drink lemonade while laughing at various stories, many told by Lila and Cooper, whose attention only lasts while they are the ones telling the stories. They eventually get up to go play.

"Can we shoot?" I ask hopefully, missing shooting with Clint the most.

"Is your hand ok?" Clint asks quietly.

I feel a hint of shame when Clint asks about my arm, looking over at Laura briefly hoping she didn't hear Clint's question. "Nat said that she thought it would be ok."

"Well, if Nat said it's fine, then it must be ok. Let's go."

With our equipment gathered, two bows and two quivers of arrows, we head outside to the shooting range that Clint has set up in his yard. The cast gets in the way of a solid grasp on the handle of my bow.

"It's not working so good for me. It doesn't hurt but the cast is in the way," I complain.

Being a soft cast with Velcro straps, I try adjusting the strap that goes between my thumb and fingers so the bow will fit better.

"Are you sure you should do that with the cast?"

"No, but I was really excited about this."

"Hang on, I have an idea."

Clint leaves for a minute then comes back with another bow. The replacement bow is longer than my compound bow with a skinny handle that should fit better in my hand.

"Fix the cast's strap," Clint instructs then pauses a moment for me to complete the task. "Ok, good. Now try this bow. It doesn't have the power like a compound bow but at least you can shoot without messing up your arm."

After I shoot the first arrow, I understand what Clint meant, there isn't much power but I can still shoot.

"Do you want to talk about how you hurt your arm?" My heart sinks at Clint's question.

I look down at my arm, seeing the now yelling bruise. "There isn't much to tell, not really. I was upset, found a way to sneak out, hurt myself. Nothing new." The frustration and shame that I feel is thick in my voice. Fortunately, Clint is willing to let it drop.

Still flustered from Clint asking about my arm and the shame I felt around Laura, I shoot several more arrows but am unsuccessful in squashing my nagging thoughts. "Does Laura know about me, like what I've done, you know, about what I did to my family and the other stuff?" I ask, unintentionally cryptic to avoid speaking the words.

"When we first talked about where you would live if something happened to the team, I told Laura everything that I knew up to that point which wasn't much. She was still excited about the possibility of having you live with us. Then, you started to talk about more stuff but also had a lot of trouble handling it. I shared those things with her. Then, we found out about what happened when you were little, so I told her the gist of what happened. She knows as much as I do about your arm too."

Struggling to process everything Clint said, I flop down on the ground feeling overwhelmed with sadness and a panic attack threatening.

Clint kneels in front of me. "Laura's commitment has never wavered. She wants you just as much as I do. It's important that she know exactly what to expect and that she gets to know you. Just like the team talks to each other about everything regarding you, Laura and I also talk about everything regarding you. And we all still want you."

I nod. "I'm glad that she knows. I don't want her to think she's getting a good girl then find out that I'm bad."

"Hey," Clint guides my gaze with a finger under my chin, "You are a good girl. You just happen to also have a lot of heavy duty emotional stuff from things that aren't your fault."

"She's not freaked by the emotional stuff?"

"She doesn't know you well enough to know how to help yet, but she's not afraid to learn how to help."

"I'm not allowed to be alone, ever. How would that work here?"

"I likely will camp out in your room at night. Laura will stay in your room while you're in the bathroom, but the door will have to remain open a little. We will adjust throughout the day depending on what's going on. We will make it work. Like I said, Laura already knows all of that and she still wants you to come and stay."

"Won't your kids be jealous if you are sleeping in my room and there's always one of you with me? Won't they want that too? What if they want me to leave because you or Laura are with me all of the time?"

"I can see why you are worried about that. It's something that we will have to deal with in the moment but also we will try to do stuff like that with them too."

"Ok." I sigh not feeling as confident as Clint.

"You should spend some time with Laura. Steve and I can keep the kids occupied," Clint suggests.

"Ok but can we shoot more first?"

Clint smiles, "Absolutely!"

We shoot for about another half hour. _I can't wait to get this cast off so I can use a compound bow again_. We take our equipment back inside and I use my bathroom with Steve waiting in the bedroom. _This is so awkward,_ _I wish Nat would have come along_. I hear a knock at the bedroom door then Laura and Steve talking quietly. A soft knock on the bathroom door startles me. "Jamie, I'm going to head downstairs now. Laura is here with you."

"Ok."

Washing my hands, I take a quick look in the mirror, steeling myself to face Laura and to get to know her.

"Hi," I say shyly when I leave the bathroom.

"Hi," Laura smiles, waiting for me on the bench seat along the large bay window. "I thought it would be nice to spend some time together. Here, I brought some lemonade in case you are thirsty," Laura says handing me a glass of lemonade when I join her on the bench.

"So, what do you like to do for fun?" Laura asks as an opener.

"Um, well, I like to play sports, read, ride bikes, swim, I don't know normal stuff I guess. I also like to do math problems, Tony and Peter don't think it's weird but everyone else does."

Laura smiles, "Yeah, I guess I don't get it either."

"What do you like to do?" I reciprocate.

"Well, I guess I stay pretty busy with mom stuff. I like to bake and take care of the flower beds. I also like to swim and ride bikes and read.

"So, what do you think about all of this, living with the Avengers, being here?"

"Everyone has been very nice. It's different from before but I guess it's starting to feel more normal. Can we bake something?" I ask hoping to do something rather than talk.

"Absolutely, anything in particular?"

"No, just whatever you want."

"Let's check the kitchen and see what we have."

We quietly head downstairs to the kitchen, still feeling a little uncomfortable around each other. "It looks like we can make chocolate chip cookies or an apple pie," Laura says after checking her pantry.

"Chocolate chip cookies."

"Cookies it is."

Laura moves about the kitchen with ease pulling ingredients and utensils from various locations. She gives instructions, allowing me to add most of the ingredients and mixing, like she's teaching me how. I accidentally spill some flour. Immediately I tense, afraid of being in trouble but Laura sweeps it up quickly then puts a dab of flour on my nose. We giggle. It's easy being around her. She's nice, jumps right in 'mom-ing' me. I really miss this feeling.

Laura's talking brings me out of my reverie. "We need the parchment paper from the pantry, can you get it for me?" Laura asks, fingers covered in dough from mixing in the chips.

"Sure." I open the pantry door and freeze. There's a yardstick propped up against a shelf.

"Jamie…. Are you ok?" Laura asks, concerned, seeing me standing motionless at the pantry's entrance.

Backing away slowly as if seeing a ghost, in full panic mode, I don't respond to Laura, focused on my fear. _Steve, where's Steve?_


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33

I don't know where Steve and Clint went so I do the only other thing I know, I run, hiding in my bathroom, locking the door with the old skeleton key before moving to the back of the bathroom, sitting with my back against the wall, knees brought up to my chest, arms tightly wrapped around me, face buried in the crevice of my knees, rocking slightly to control the shaking. Not more than a few minutes later, I hear Steve and Clint at the door.

"Jamie, let us in."

I don't respond to them, adding to their sense of urgency. Steve asks Clint if there's a key for the door. "Yeah, but she used it to lock the door from the inside." They discuss options for how to unlock the door. Apparently, the hinges are on my side of the door too.

The door knob jiggles, startling me, then I hear the key drop to the floor followed by a swiping sound. The latch clinks and the door opens. After assessing the situation, Steve gets low, remaining about five feet away from me, talking to me softly. I can also hear Clint and Laura talking quietly to each other in my bedroom. I think Clint is filling her in on more of the details. Lila walks into my bedroom asking about what's going on and where I am. I cringe thinking about her seeing me like this but Laura ushers her back out of the room, then I hear the door close.

"Jamie," Steve consoles softly noticing my added distress when Lila entered the room, "Laura left with Lila and closed the door. They won't be able to see you."

I don't respond to Steve but feel myself relax slightly.

"Jamie, I want to hold you, is that ok?" Steve gently says as he reaches his arms out toward me.

I want to go to him but I'm afraid to move. Steve notices the slight motion toward. He eyes up the size of the bathroom and the various fixtures deciding it's too small for him to sit next to me. As it is, I am partially underneath the pedestal sink and only inches away from the toilet. Steve is kneeling beside the tub unable to come any closer.

"Ok, I'm coming to get you and pull you out," Steve tells me his plan then pauses for any adverse reaction from me. "Ok, I'm coming now."

He reaches over, grabbing onto my upper arm and begins to pull me to him, being careful with my head near the bottom of the sink. Once he is able, Steve picks me up from my armpits, lifts me to him laying my head on his shoulder and sweeping his arm under my legs, carrying me to the bed, first sitting, then adjusting me so he is holding me on his lap. Steve keeps his arms wrapped around me, my body slowly calming to his touch, allowing me to be more in the present instead of in the past. With my fear starting to subside, the tears begin to flow, tears from being afraid and tears from shame over my reaction.

"I was so scared but I couldn't find you."

"I know honey. It's ok. You're safe."

"I didn't want this to happen."

"I know, but it's really ok. No one is upset with you."

I notice Clint sitting on the bench seat watching me intently with only concern on his face. "My turn. Come here." Clint says while holding open his arms for me.

I climb off of Steve's lap and move to Clint's, who also wraps his arms around me, cradling my head in his hand. "We all love you very much, baby girl. No one is upset with you."

Laura knocks quietly then opens the door, peering through the couple of inches gap created. She watches for a moment trying to figure out what I need right now. She kneels in front of me, running her hand through my hair. "Everything is ok. I still love you, Jamie. Ok, I'm not mad."

I nod, still crying. Laura opens her arms, inviting me over for a hug. I crumble into her arms and cry harder. I feel like I'm in my mom's arms which is comforting but makes me miss her all the more. Laura continues holding me for a long time. Periodically, one of the kids comes to the door but each time Clint takes care of whatever they need, giving them things to do to occupy themselves.

Clint comes back in the room after being gone longer following one of the times he intervened with one of the kids. "I cooked up some hotdogs. Anyone hungry?"

Laura looks at me, wanting to know if I'm ready. I nod. Laura and Clint head downstairs while I clean up my face in the bathroom, Steve waits for me then together we walk to the kitchen, Steve putting his arm around me in a side hug, "Are you doing ok?"

I nod still feeling a little bad that I had a problem here but it was nice to see how Clint and Laura could manage me with the kids. When we got to the kitchen, Clint had a platter of grilled hotdogs, buns, and potato salad on the table. I decide to sit between Steve and Clint feeling safer between them. I still feel out-of-it, just sort of staring, not talking to anyone. Maybe the kids know that something is wrong because they eat quickly then ask to go play. They don't ask me to play with them so I don't know if they want me around anymore or maybe they notice that I still haven't eaten, meaning I'm not allowed to play yet.

"Not hungry?" Steve asks.

I shake my head.

Clint leans over and hands me a cookie. "Don't tell the others that I'm giving you a cookie without eating dinner." Wow, Clint also put the cookies in the oven while Laura was with me. I smile and take a bite of the cookie.

"Are you ready to leave yet?" Steve checks in with me.

Disappointment crosses my face. _No, I'm not ready. I wanted to have a good day here but I cried for half of it,_ I think to myself sourly.

"We don't have to go yet. I was just checking," Steve clarifies.

"How about a movie?" Clint suggests, wanting to be close to me.

I nod with a hint of a smile. _Watching a movie is code for snuggling._

Laura sits on one end of the couch while Clint sits at the other end. I decide to prop up against Laura, soaking up the mom feeling. Clint smiles then moves to sit on the floor directly in front of me. Steve is sitting adjacent to Laura on a chair. I fall asleep quickly with Laura rubbing my forehead, surrounded by Clint and Steve. I feel loved.

"She is peaceful when she sleeps," Laura comments.

"Well, she's peaceful when she's snuggling while sleeping. When she's just in her bed, she has a lot of nightmares," a hint of sadness crosses Steve's face.

"What happened today? We were making cookies, I asked her to get something out of the pantry then she just froze," Laura recalls the event.

Clint goes to the pantry and looks around. "There's a yardstick in there."

Steve closes his eyes completely understanding what happened. Laura looks at both men, confused. Steve explains, "Jamie was molested by a neighbor. He trained her to not make noise or move by beating her with a yardstick. Then when Cross took her the second time, he also used a yardstick on her in the same manner, having seen her memories. First, the neighbor tortured her then Cross. There are a few triggers like that that we've picked up on. Frisbees are another."

Understanding dawning, "Oh, the 4th, that's what happened. How do frisbees play into her story?" Laura asks.

"Jamie and her little sister were playing with a frisbee during a picnic at the park when Cross showed up. That's when her mother and sister were killed."

Laura is nearly in tears thinking about the trauma that Jamie has already experienced during her short life. "It's no wonder she gets so upset."

"Yeah, but she doesn't feel any less embarrassed by her reactions. I'm glad you got to see her go through this and be there to comfort her. She was really worried about what you would think of her," Clint shares.

"With Jamie already asleep, you two should just stay here tonight," Laura suggests.

Steve thinks for a moment, "Yeah we could do that, especially if she doesn't wake up before long. I know she has really been missing breakfast with Clint."

Clint smiles, "Me too."

At bedtime, Steve picks up Jamie and carries her to her bed and tucks her in. Clint brought in a cot for Steve to sleep on to be close to Jamie.

I wake up during the night, unsure of where I am. _Cross?_ Looking around, all I see is darkness. I'm not injured, _what happened?_ Fearful tears stream down my cheeks, afraid that something is wrong. The muffled sounds of my crying are enough to wake Steve, "Jamie, are you ok?"

"Wh-where are we?"

Steve moves to join me on my bed turning on the bedside lamp so I can see that everything is ok. "We are still at Clint's house. You fell asleep so I decided to just bring you to bed here. I hope that's ok."

Immediately, I relax, wiping the tears from my face. "Yeah, that's ok. I was scared because I didn't know where I was, it's really dark here at night."

"Want me to lay with you for a bit?"

I nod and move over in the bed, giving Steve some space. I lie up against Steve's chest with his arm on my shoulder. He gives me a gentle kiss on my head. "Love you kiddo. Try to go back to sleep." It doesn't take long, I fall back asleep within minutes feeling safe and loved.


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

It's been five days since I last had breakfast with Clint, so the impromptu sleepover was perfect. Clint is obviously excited to eat breakfast with me too. He has everything ready for me when I come downstairs. I smile brightly, taking my seat next to Clint to have our favorite breakfast together. Laura smiles, seeing us together and seeing me smiling again. We eat and talk, laughing at some of the kids' stories.

Lila gets up from the table and grabs my hand, pleading with me, "Come play with me." She reminds me of Lizzy but there is a mix of sadness with the happiness that Lila brings.

I look over at Steve who nods giving me permission. So, I follow Lila to her bedroom where she shows me her favorite toys, again. "Want to color with me?"

"Yeah, sure."

Lila sets up her crayons and paper between us on the floor, each grabbing a piece of paper and picking a crayon. A few minutes later, Steve comes in to check on me.

"Hey, Lila, will you go ask your dad to come here?" Steve calmly asks trying not to alarm the young child.

When Lila leaves, Steve closes the door. "You ok, kiddo?"

I nod.

"Show me your picture," I comply without talking.

Steve sits down on the floor and directs me to sit with him. Before long, Clint comes in the room and closes the door behind him, then sits on the floor near us.

"Can you tell me about your picture?" Steve asks.

I shake my head, not able to talk.

Steve moves on, handing the picture to Clint, bringing me into a restraining hug. "You're safe. Everything's ok now." I am non-responsive, lost in my memory, the presence of Clint and Steve feels more like the dream.

Clint puts his hands on either side of my face, "Jamie. Jamie. You have to fight this. Come on."

 _Fight this_. _How?_

"Jamie, you are with Steve and me at my house. You just ate Cinnamon Toast Crunch with me. You are safe Jamie, you are safe, here with us. No one can hurt you."

 _Safe…Clint's house…Cinnamon Toast Crunch…That's right, I'm with Steve and Clint._

I feel myself starting to come back, adjusting my eyes. Clint realizes that I'm looking at him. "She's coming out of it," Clint says to Steve, then kisses my forehead and smiles at me, with a hint of concern in his eyes.

"Are you alright?" Clint asks.

I nod.

Steve starts to loosen his hold, slowly, taking his lead from me. I stay in Steve's arms for a little while after he has ended the restraint, not ready to venture away from the comfort. Steve decides not to ask about my picture again, Clint understands so he folds it up and puts it away in his pocket for now.

"Are you ready to go home now?" Steve asks me.

I nod.

We exit the house, pausing on the porch to say goodbye. The kids say goodbye first then run off to play. Then, Laura pulls me into a protective, comforting hug, "I'm so happy you came to visit, I hope we have lots of opportunities to hang out again."

I nod timidly, knowing that I just messed up again.

"Hey, you didn't do anything wrong, really," Laura says, adjusting so she can look at my eyes. "We want you to come back, real soon." Laura hugs me tighter. I feel her wanting me to believe her. I respond, hugging tight too, a few tears threatening but I manage to keep them at bay.

Next, Clint pulls me into a hug, "I'll see you tomorrow morning for breakfast, ok?"

I nod.

Steve thanks them, "Thank you, Laura. Clint, see you tomorrow. Jamie, you ready?"

I nod, then follow Steve to the jet, silently wishing he doesn't try to make me talk on the way home. Once onboard, I take a seat, curling up my legs. Steve notices but decides to redirect my attention instead of making me talk about stuff.

"Hey look, you can see New York City from here."

I sigh, but allow Steve to distract me. It is pretty cool seeing the tall buildings. My eyes drift to the sky, the clouds, the blue background. The trip seems so much shorter this time. We arrive back at the compound, thankfully, without talking about anything.

Carrying my backpack, I head inside to the living quarters, going directly to my room. I hear Nat, Tony and Bruce say hi but I just walk past them, not wanting to deal with any of this, or anyone. Feeling especially vulnerable, I curl up on my bed wanting to be left alone. I can hear them talking about me; I cover up my ears. I don't want to hear about how I messed things up. After a few minutes, I don't hear them talking anymore but I know there's no way they are just going to let me stay in my room. Timidly, I look up and see Nat, Tony, Bruce and Steve watching me. I growl.

"It's time to talk," Steve says.

"No. Please, just go away. Please. Please, not right now." I feel panic brewing. "I can't do this now."

Steve sits on my bed. "Let me help."

"No!" I scream. "Leave. Me. Alone." I try to push Steve away, starting to cry.

"Come on, let's go to the couch," Steve says.

Nat comes a few steps closer, I freak, kicking and swinging my arms around to prevent them from making me go with them. Steve and Nat swoop in, each taking an arm, holding me by my biceps and wrists then walking me to the living room and setting me on the middle seat of the couch. I'm crying, frantic to avoid this talk. As soon as they let go of my arms, I try to jump up but they catch me before I make any progress. I start to kick again but Tony and Bruce block my legs.

"Please, I don't want to do this right now. Please. Let me calm down first. Please, please," I beg. They look at each other, trying to decide how to proceed.

Steve starts, "We can snuggle for a while first but you can't leave the couch, ok?"

I nod, breathing heavy. Steve and Nat let go. I lean into Steve, allowing him to hold me. His efforts help me to calm down, I feel my body start to relax and my crying slows.

After several minutes, Steve asks, "Ready?"

I nod then reposition myself so I'm sitting upright.

Steve begins, "So, it was a pretty good weekend, right?"

I nod, "Except when I lost it."

"Tony, Bruce and Nat already know what happened when you were with Laura and when you were with Lila."

I nod acknowledging that I understand.

"So, you were already upset about the yardstick when you drew the picture of the boy."

I tense then begin to squirm in my seat feeling uncomfortable talking about what happened, it's still so fresh in my mind. I flinch thinking about the boy and the security guard.

Steve recognizes what's going on in my head. "I would like to wait until Jen is here to talk about the picture."

I'm not sure if that makes me feel better because I don't have to talk about it now or worse because Steve wants to talk about it with Jen. I'm still not sure if I'm willing to trust her.

Steve continues, "I would like to talk about how you felt when we were leaving Clint's house."

"I don't know, sad, I guess."

"Why were you sad?" Steve asks.

"We were leaving so, ya know, of course I was sad."

Steve isn't buying it, "The issue with the yardstick, we got you calmed down and spent extra time snuggling. You seemed to recover after that."

I nod, agreeing with him, still flinching when he says that word.

"Then the next day you were coloring with Lila and drew a picture from the abuse."

I flinch again. This is really hard to hear.

"You haven't really recovered since then."

I nod.

"Are you upset about struggling while at Clint's house?"

I nod.

"What made the second one harder than the first?"

"Lila"

"Right, you were with Lila. What about that bothered you?"

"I freaked out around her." I explain, _shouldn't that be obvious_. "I don't want to be around them alone again, the kids, I don't want to upset them."

"Ok, we can arrange that," Steve says.

I nod. I don't want to talk more than I have to.

Steve takes a new track, "You know that Laura and Clint aren't mad about that right?"

"They should be," I rebut. "They should hate me!" I seethe full of hatred for myself.

"Why do you think that?" Nat presses.

"Your question doesn't make sense," I argue feeling angry.

"I don't think so, I think it's the perfect question," Steve rebuts.

"What would've happened if Lila saw what I drew? Don't you think she would have been upset? I didn't even realize what I was doing."

"I don't know if it would have made much sense to her but even if it did her parents would have worked through that with her," Tony refutes gently.

"I'm not going to be the cause of upsetting her."

"Jamie…"

"Why are we still talking about this, I'm not going to magically change my mind because I'm sitting on this stupid couch?" I interrupt, irritated with this entire conversation.

Bruce interjects, "Let's go back, did you say you didn't realize what you were drawing?"

"Yes, I didn't realize what happened until after Steve came into the room. I barely remember drawing it. I remember thinking about it but not drawing it."

Bruce looks at Tony first, then at Steve and Nat. "I think we should run some tests just to be sure."

"Be sure of what?" I demand then understanding dawns on me, "Do you think Cross…" I ask on full alert.

"Jamie, it's really just to double check. We don't want to miss something," Steve consoles me.

I look at Bruce who then looks away. Now, I am panicking. "Bruce, what do you think? Bruce!"

Bruce puts his hands up, refusing to talk.

"How could that happen?" I ask, rhetorically.

"We don't know yet that anything has happened," Steve tries to calm me before moving forward with the plan. "Bruce, let's go ahead and run the tests now. Then, we will know what we are dealing with."

I growl but comply. Bruce, Steve and I walk to Bruce's lab. It feels like I'm on my way to get terrible news, my anxiety is high. Wrapping my arms around my middle does little to alleviate the chill that this news has brought.

The first thing I see is the dreaded chair with its straps, that feeling is especially ominous today. Steve helps me get into the chair and begins to tighten the straps on my arms. Panic overtakes me. "Stop! Stop!" Steve immediately unlatches the strap and I jump out of the chair, quickly backing away, feeling the fight or flight response kicking in. When my retreat is blocked by a large lab table, I drop to the ground with my legs curled up in front of me, wrapping my arms around my legs to help control my shaking body. Steve and Bruce get low to the ground to appear less intimidating.

"Jamie, you're ok," Steve says, unsure of what happened.

"What are you afraid of?" Bruce asks softly.

I shake my head, unable to talk and having trouble controlling my breathing.

Bruce decides to try yes/no questions, "Are you afraid of the test?"

I shake my head.

"Are you afraid of the chair?"

I nod.

"The straps?"

I nod.

"Would you like to do the test lying down on the cot again?"

I nod.

"Ok, I'll set that up. Do you want Steve to hold you to help you calm down?"

I nod.

Steve immediately comes over to me, wrapping his arms around me. My body starts to react, slowly coming back down from the panic attack. By the time Bruce is ready, I have calmed down enough to be able to respond.

"Are you feeling better?"

I nod.

"Ok, I have the cot set up by the machine. Are you ready for the tests?"

"Yeah, I think so," I say, weary of another try. "Can you stay with me Steve?"

"Yeah, I'll stay right here until you wake up, then we will walk back together."

"Ok Bruce, I'm ready."

Bruce attaches the machine to the device in my forehead.

"Ow!" I complain but the pain is manageable.

The machine starts to beep, then I'm out.

I wake up some time later still lying on the cot with Steve sitting next to me with a warm smile. "Welcome back."

"What did the test show?" I ask immediately, desperate to know if Cross is involved.

Steve hesitates.

 _Ugh,_ I think then redirect my question, "Bruce?"

Bruce sighs, "Yes, there has been some interference but it's unusual. I think it may have been planted when Cross took you."

"Can you get rid of it?"

"It looks more like a sensitivity. It's not really something to remove. I will explore different options and let you know what I find. Sound good?" Bruce tries to end on a positive note, I guess that counts.

I nod, suddenly exhausted. "Can we go back now?"

Steve looks at Bruce for guidance. "Yes, but stay close because her legs will be weak."

"Oh, the joys of Bruce's tests," I say sarcastically.

Bruce gives me a funny look, part smile, part faking hurt feelings. "You don't like my tests?" Bruce gives it right back.

I smile.

Nat looks at Steve for an update which he readily supplies. I wait at the kitchen table with my head down, feeling tired following the test and a little hungry. Without warning, a sharp pain shoots through my forehead, my muffled cry alerting Steve, Nat and Tony that something is wrong. Right before I lose consciousness, I notice blood coming from my nose and a weird taste in my mouth.


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

They anxiously pace in the infirmary's waiting room while Jamie is checked out. She still hadn't regained consciousness when they brought her in almost an hour ago. Presumably she had another seizure but Jamie wasn't actively trying to move the protective layer. Shortly after bringing her in, they contacted Clint, who is currently on his way.

Bruce meets the team in the waiting area to offer the much-awaited update. "We're not sure what happened. It looks like Jamie's mind is protecting itself from an intruder. Her mind has built up the wall, denser than I've seen it, and has shut down unnecessary functions."

"What does that mean?" Tony asks, anxious and frustrated with the situation and not understanding.

"Well, in some ways, it looks like she's in a coma."

"So did she have a seizure earlier?" Nat asks

"Yes."

"Is there any damage?" Steve asks, his question, although asked calmly, is laced with fear.

"No, the protective layer shielded her brain from the seizure which is why I think she is in a coma-like state," Bruce explains.

"Do you know what her mind is protecting her against?" Steve asks afraid the test may have caused the problems.

"It appears to be the sensitivities that I mentioned earlier. It's like her mind is now aware that there's an intruder and is working to remove it."

The nurse quickly opens the door to the waiting room, "Dr. Banner."

Bruce follows the nurse back inside the infirmary, looking at the current test results. "She appears to be coming out of it." He stands next to the girl, holding her hand and talking to her.

"Jamie, wake up. It's Bruce."

Jamie opens her eyes, blinking at first, adjusting to the bright light. "Bruce?" Jamie says testing her mouth, "What happened?"

"You had a seizure but you're ok now." Bruce explains, gently not wanting to alarm her.

"Why?"

"I'm not sure yet. I think your mind was trying to clear up the sensitivities that we found earlier."

"Ok, I don't feel well," Jamie complains.

"What's bothering you?"

"My head hurts and I feel sick to my stomach. I'm really sleepy."

"You hit your head when you had the seizure. I want you to stay awake for a while."

"No, I can't. I'm sleepy." Jamie complains, not having the energy to fight sleep.

"Nurse, bring in the others, please," Bruce instructs.

Within moments, Jamie is surrounded by the whole team.

Bruce begins, "She has a concussion from when she hit her head. Typically, I wouldn't require a patient to stay awake after a minor head injury, the practice really is antiquated, without research to back it up, but with her seizures and special abilities, I prefer that she stay awake for about four hours just to be sure she's alright."

"No, I can't," Jamie says quietly, closing her eyes.

"Jamie!" Clint says loudly, trying to keep her awake. Jamie's eyes flung open in response to the sudden noise.

The team takes turns talking to her, periodically shouting to keep her awake. She starts to cry feeling overly tired suffering from a bad headache, mixed with the events over the past day appear to be crashing in on her.

"Please, let me sleep," Jamie begs.

"Not right now. Tell me something good that happened," Nat says.

"I don't know," Jamie says closing her eyes.

"Bruce, this isn't working," Steve says, alarmed.

Bruce comes back and looks at her pupils. "She's not responding."

"What does that mean? What's happening?" Frantically, Steve asks while the nurse pushes him out of the way.

"You all need to go back to the waiting room," Bruce instructs the team then turns his attention back to the nurse. "Let's get a CT scan to see if there's any bleeding."

The team remains unmoved, fear shooting through them.

"Hey, you guys need to go, let us work!" Hulk's green eyes appear momentarily alerting the team to obey the instruction.

After about an hour, Bruce finally reenters the waiting room. "She had some bleeding on her brain. We were able to stop it but will need to keep a close eye on her over the next few days to see if the bleeding returns. She's awake right now but very tired. She is allowed to sleep since she's recovering from anesthesia. One of you can go in with her at a time."

Steve goes in first. "Hi baby girl, how are you feeling?"

"Tired, headache," Jamie says with much effort to even say a few words.

"You can sleep honey. I'll stay here for a while and if I'm not here someone else will be. I don't want to hog all of you," Steve says holding her hand and rubbing her forehead. "Go to sleep."

Jamie closes her eyes and falls asleep within seconds.

Bruce stands next to Jamie on the other side of the bed.

"Is she going to be ok?"

"Yes, she should make a full recovery. Things are a little tense right now but we know about the problem so we can address it again if needed," Bruce explains.

"How did you do it, stay calm while she was going through that, work on her like that?" Steve ponders amazed at how well Bruce is keeping it together.

Bruce smiles, "You didn't see me right before and right after the surgery. Hulk is aware of Jamie's presence. He kind of wakes up when she's around. He kept me cool so I could help her."

"Hulk, kept you cool? The beast that seems to feed on your anger, kept you cool. There's an unexpected twist," Steve remarks, truly amazed.

"I know, right? There's a special place in all of our hearts for Jamie, Hulk included, maybe Hulk most of all. He will do anything for her," Bruce explains, smiling at the care that Hulk shows this girl.

"Wow, that's really nice to hear. I know Jamie really cares about Hulk too and feels exceptionally safe with him," Steve thinks aloud.

"How long do you expect her to sleep?"

"Considering everything, at least eight to ten hours. Although, she will likely wake for brief periods of time."

The team is on edge, taking turns visiting with Jamie, soaking up any tidbits Bruce or the nurse share regarding her progress. So far, everything is going smoothly. Jamie should wake without any long-term damage. It takes longer than expected but after about twelve hours Jamie wakes up.

"Hi baby girl. How are you feeling?" Clint asks, seeing my eyes open.

"Ok. I have a headache. What happened? I don't really remember anything after coming home from your house."

Steve enters the room with Nat and Tony before Clint has the chance to respond. Bruce is still at the nurse's station reviewing test results. When Tony sees that I am awake, he informs Bruce. "Hey, she's awake."

Bruce comes in to check on me asking everyone else to leave until he's done. While flashing a tiny light in my eyes, Bruce asks, "How are you feeling?"

"I have a headache. What happened? I don't remember," I ask again.

Bruce briefly sighs then gives a recount of the previous evening.

"Another seizure?" I ask worried.

"Yeah honey, I'm afraid so."

"What's happening to me?" I begin to cry, overwhelmed with medical issues on top of everything else that has gone wrong in my life.

Bruce sits down next to me, gently rubbing my forehead. "I think your mind is protecting itself."

"From what?"

"I think it involves the protective layer that you have and the things that Cross has done. We are exploring possible causes and options for treatment, hang in there with me, ok? I promise we will get this fixed." Bruce tries to comfort me knowing that I'm scared and hurting.

The nurse brings pain medication for me which I gladly accept.

"Do you want the others to come in now?" Bruce asks.

"I want to be alone."

Bruce leans over to give me a kiss on my forehead, then smiles and says, "You know that's not gonna fly, right?"

"I know," I sigh then roll over on my side, a few tears falling to the pillow.

After a few minutes, everyone comes into my room despite my request to be alone. Bruce must have warned them that I wanted to be alone because they approach carefully. Steve comes to sit on the side that I'm facing reaching over the safety railing. "How are you doing kiddo?" Steve asks while running his fingers through my hair near my face.

"I'm ok, just a headache." I say, unable to hide my sadness. "Bruce how long do I have to stay here?"

"Probably just two or three days."

I am appalled. "Two or three days, what? Why?" I am almost yelling.

"Jamie, calm down," Steve instructs.

Ignoring Steve, I yell, "The hospital is in our house. Why can't I sleep in my own bed; it's right down the hall?"

Steve tries to interject, "Jamie, if Bruce thinks…"

"Tony, come on, I know you agree," I press, drumming up support from the one most likely to agree with me.

"The kid's got a point," Tony remarks, shrugging his shoulders.

I look at Bruce waiting for him to change his mind. "Let's see how the rest of today goes. But you will still have to come back for more tests."

"Yeah, yeah, that's fine." I say feeling more angry now than sad. "You guys should leave me alone, I will just make everyone else miserable."

Tony chuckles, "Yeah, maybe, but we're not leaving." Tony sits down on the edge of my bed making his point clear. The more I push them away the closer they stick to me. Nat and Clint also find places to sit near me. I roll my eyes, exasperated with these people.

Nat starts in conversation, "So, what all did you guys do over the weekend?"

I don't respond so Clint begins, "We did some shooting, ate Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and snuggled while a watching movie."

"It was boring around here. I think Jamie took the party with her," Nat says, trying to get me to respond.

I feel sad thinking about how much I messed up while I was at Clint's. Steve looks over at Clint with some silent conversation then Clint moves to sit near the top of the bed so he is near my face. "We all loved having you at the house. I know there were a few touchy moments, but we expect that with everything that you've been through. Steve told me that you asked not to be alone with Lila or Cooper. We can do that for now but the fact that you asked for that makes me even more sure that they are safe with you."

"I think that it would be hard to mess up so badly here but at your house with your kids, it's different. I'm afraid that I will lose it around them or they will see something like me hurting myself. I don't want to mess up," I explain, tears in my eyes.

"Jamie, we don't see it as messing up. You are learning to deal with some very tough situations that are very emotional. That's not messing up that's learning to cope. With family, even with my wife and kids, that's where people are meant to learn to cope with life. See?" A tear springs from Clint's eye as he explains.

I reach over and wrap my arms around Clint's neck, crying, wanting his words to be true. "Please tell me if something starts to change. I don't want to all of a sudden lose you. I promise if you tell me, I'll do better, ok? Tell me so I have a chance to make it better."

"I will baby girl, I will. I promise, we're not going to just give up on you. I want you forever," Clint softly says as he strokes my hair and kisses my cheek.

I nod letting go of my grip, lying back down in bed. I do feel a little lightheaded.

"Are you feeling alright?" Nat asks.

Nat's comment catches Bruce's attention. "How do you feel?"

"Um, my head hurts and I feel lightheaded and sick to my stomach a little," I explain my symptoms while Bruce shines a light in my eyes.

"Let's get another CT scan," Bruce says to the nurse. "Let's have you guys wait outside. I'll come talk to you after the scan."

I want to argue with Bruce, tell him this is stupid but I'm too tired all of a sudden.


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36

Everyone continues to stand in the infirmary, frozen with anxiety at the sudden change, while Bruce and the nurse wheel Jamie away.

The waiting room is full with Clint, Steve, Tony, Nat and now Laura who requested to come as well after dropping the kids off with grandparents.

Clint has his arm around his wife, finding comfort in each other. Nat hides her worry and anger behind her icy stare. Steve is looking out the window, periodically rubbing the back of his head, feeling the stress in his neck. Tony, the only one who can't seem to remain still, is pacing, angry, "Cross needs to pay for this." No one responds to Tony's outburst.

Bruce enters the waiting room to talk to the team after the scan results are complete. The hour of waiting feeling more like several hours, the team jumps up to meet Bruce.

"She has more bleeding on her brain, we are prepping her for another surgery to stop it. I've called in a pediatric neurosurgeon that Dr. Strange recommended to consult with and of course Dr. Strange is already in the operating room. The surgery should only take about a half hour. Any questions?"

"How is she feeling right now?" Laura asks.

"She's resting. We gave her something to calm her and that should also help ease some of the nausea. I better get back now," Bruce says anxiously then leaves the team still standing in their respective spots, speechless.

Tony storms out of the room, needing something else to do other than wait. Steve follows stopping Tony in the hallway. "Tony, she'll be ok."

"Oh, will she, because there doesn't seem to be an end in sight. Cross has messed with her more than we know. She's been through hell and there's nothing that we can do about it." Tony spits feeling the rage building inside.

"I'm worried too. Seeing her like that is gut-wrenching. I'm not trying to change your mind or convince you of anything. I just want you to know that we are all in this together," Steve says calmly but his own emotions showing through in his misty eyes.

"Yeah, sorry, I didn't mean to snap," Tony says while roughly rubbing the back of his neck. "I just have to do something or I'll go nuts. Let me know when Bruce comes back."

Steve nods then returns to the waiting room and takes a seat next to Nat. Praying earnestly for Jamie's safety and healing.

Well over an hour has past but Bruce still hasn't returned. Anxiety is running high waiting for some news. Nat hasn't moved since Bruce was last in to see them, maintaining focus a coping mechanism for dealing with difficult situations.

Finally, Bruce enters the room, looking exhausted from the marathon care he is providing. Steve immediately gets on coms to let Tony know that Bruce is ready to talk to the team. Tony is back in the room breathing heavy having ran from the lab in less than a minute. Bruce begins, "Jamie made it through the surgery well, no complications. We were able to stop the bleeding and the neurosurgeon feels that we have taken care of any possible bleeds. Of course, we will continue to monitor her. We found a tiny chip, maybe a receiver, at the base of her brain. This is what caused the bleeding. My guess is someone implanted it when she was first in the hospital after her family died. The device that we put in as well as the ear piece keeps it from receiving but I believe someone has been trying to access it."

"Wait, how did we miss that with all of the tests that she's gone through?" Clint asks exasperated with the news of yet another danger they missed.

"It is very small, likely injected into her head with a normal needle. We only found it because we were going over every centimeter of her brain looking for any small bleeds."

"So, it's over now, we know how she has been manipulated. There's definitely nothing else, right?" Steve asks.

"Right, we combed over the entire brain. That was the only receiver we found and fortunately only one small bleed. She is back in her room now, still unconscious from the anesthesia but she should start waking up sometime over the next hour or so."

"Can we see her?" Tony asks urgently, nearly begging to be with his girl.

"Yes, but no more than two at a time until we see how she's doing after she wakes up."

Tony and Steve head back to Jamie's room first, savoring her peaceful appearance while resting as if nothing is going on. There is another bandage on her head where Bruce needed to take care of the bleeding. Fortunately, the procedure is minimally invasive. Tony sits next to her with Steve taking the chair on the opposite side. Tony gently rubs her forehead, beginning to cry.

"I am so completely head over heels for this kid. I've never felt this way about anything. Seeing her hurting breaks my heart in a way that I didn't know was possible, seeing her smile brightens my day instantly, and there's nothing quite like snuggling together on the couch watching a movie," Tony smiles briefly until his features turn to anger once again. "We need to take care of Cross, find out how he's messing with her, and end that son of a bitch." Tony seethes, recognizing his need to protect Jamie, protect this person who completely owns his heart.

"Yes, but within the law Tony. Jamie needs us, all of us, don't go doing anything that can get you killed or put in jail," Steve warns sensing where Tony is going with this.

Tony hisses, "Jail, Cross is in jail but look what good that has done for her." Tony says pointing to the sleeping form. "Yes, Bruce found the receiver and removed it but he's still been able to reach her, as long as he's alive he could get to her."

Steve rejects Tony's conclusion. "She is safer now than she was. The receiver has been removed and Bruce didn't find any others. Between that and the new tests that Bruce developed, we've been able to keep Jamie away from him. Let's see how she is over the next weeks and months before we decide that Cross can still get to her."

Tony wants revenge not just to keep Jamie safe. He wants Cross to pay for hurting her as well as prevent him from doing anything else. Tony tries another angle to recruit Steve for his revenge mission, "What about Cross using the security guard to molest her, beat her with that damn stick. He hurt her in her mind and he violated her, abused her. Shouldn't he have to pay for that? You were in her mind, you saw what was done to her, how can you sit there and just do nothing!"

A small, gruff voice broke in, "Tony?"

"Hi baby girl." Tony immediately returns to Jamie's side. "Yeah, honey, it's Tony. I'm here with Steve. How are you feeling?"

"I'm ok. Why are you so mad? Did I do something wrong?" Jamie asks, still groggy from the medication.

"No baby. I'm not mad at you. I'm ok, really. I just want you to feel better, ok?"

"Ok," Jamie says sleepily through her sedated haze. "Tony, please stay with me, I'm scared."

"I'm not going anywhere," Tony says while stroking Jamie's forehead and hair. Jamie falls back to sleep a few moments later.

Tony has tears in his eyes, overwhelmed with grief, seeing Jamie hurting and scared. "We have to stop him."

"We will, Tony. Let's find a way that won't hurt Jamie in the process. Revenge, instead of justice, will consume you making you unavailable to her, not to mention jail if you murder him. Let the judicial system do their job. Use that brain of yours to find a way to lock him up and neutralize his power. Make him live life unable to manipulate people, that will really hurt him."

Tony nods, seeing Steve's point. A special cell to neutralize his power sounds like his next project.

Steve leaves to give someone else a chance to visit Jamie. A minute later, Nat comes in next replacing Steve's spot.

"Has she woken up yet?" Nat asks.

"Briefly, she seemed tired but ok," Tony responds.

Nat stands next to Jamie, rubbing her forehead, then backs away, keeping her arms wrapped around her center. Tony notices Nat's emotional reaction. "Are you ok?"

Nat thinks for a moment, deciding whether to open up, "It's hard to see her like this. I'm not used to feeling so strongly about another person. It was always discouraged, you know, attachments can interfere with your mission, leave you distracted or vulnerable. I agree that I'm more vulnerable but I also feel stronger, the drive to keep her safe, it's my new mission in life. I don't think I could love her any more if she were my own flesh and blood child."

Tony sighs, "Yeah, I know what you mean. She is our daughter and I would do anything for her."

Nat leaves, giving Clint a chance to come back. Although Bruce said only two people, Clint brings Laura back too, neither willing to wait any longer.

Clint opens the door and ushers Laura in, following right behind her.

"How's she doing Tony?" Clint asks shutting the door.

"She's ok, opened her eyes briefly, said she was tired," Tony leaves out the part about feeling scared.

Laura sits in the chair next to the bed with Clint standing behind her. Laura leans over and rubs Jamie's forehead and strokes her hair. "I barely know her but already love her."

Tony responds smiling, "Yeah, she has that effect on people."

Just then, Jamie opens her eyes and looks around clearly still woozy from the drugs.

"Mom," Jamie says, confused and incoherent.

"It's Laura honey." Jamie turns her head slightly to where the sound came from, vision a little blurry.

"Laura? You're here?" Jamie asks.

"Yeah, I'm here. I heard you were sick so I came to see you," Laura explains.

Jamie smiles then is out again, obviously comforted by Laura's presence. Laura begins to cry, seeing Jamie smile when hearing that she was there for her. Laura looks back at Clint who is rubbing her shoulder also crying. Bruce comes in a few minutes later, ignoring that there are three people in the room instead of the allotted two. He checks her vitals, normally the nurse's job but Bruce wants to take care of her. Shining the light in her eyes, she stirs but doesn't wake up.

"She's doing well. Has she opened her eyes at all yet?" Bruce asks.

"Twice. She talked a little each time then went back to sleep," Tony updates Bruce.

"Wonderful, it won't be long until she's awake," Bruce declares following his examination.

"So, what was up with the Hulk eyes earlier?" Tony asks still surprised to see them.

Without fully understanding what Tony asked, Bruce smiles, "Hulk absolutely adores Jamie. He's not going to let anyone mess with her, not even any of us."

Laura is shocked, "Hulk? Like 'The Hulk'?"

Tony chuckles, "Yeah, who knew he was such as lovable teddy bear? Jamie has him wrapped around her little finger."

Laura looks to Clint for confirmation, "It's true, he cares for her like a mother with a new born baby. Anytime Jamie's really struggling, especially when she's really scared, Hulk swoops her up and holds her. It was shocking for us at first too."

I open my eyes and look around, seeing Tony with his arms crossed and his head down, maybe sleeping, and Clint hugging Laura.

"You are here. I thought maybe I was dreaming," I smile feeling loved.

Laura comes over to my side, "Yes, honey. I came as soon as I could when I heard you weren't feeling well. How are you?"

"Better, I think. My head doesn't hurt as much and I'm not lightheaded anymore."

Bruce overheard me talking. "How about the nausea?"

"That's gone too. I'm actually feeling a lot better. Is it still Monday?"

"Yeah, it's Monday, afternoon," Clint answers.

"Good, I hate when I sleep for a whole day."

Tony kisses my forehead. "I'll go tell Nat and Steve that you're awake."

I nod.

"I'm sorry that I had trouble at your house," I utter softly to Laura, grateful for a chance to apologize to her too.

Laura isn't having it, she confronts me, firm yet caring, "Do not feel bad about that, ever. You didn't do anything wrong. Someone did something wrong to you, you don't get to carry that guilt, they do. Understand?"

I nod feeling scolded but loved. Laura leans in and kisses my forehead.

Steve and Nat enter my room, relieved to see me awake and talking.

A few minutes go by when a female voice announces over the intercom, "I'm sorry to interrupt, Mr. Stark but there's a Jen Carpenter here to see you."

Blood drains from my face, eyes wide, "You're not making me do that right now, are you?"

Steve answers, "No, Jamie, we're not. With everything going on, we forgot to call her. I'll go talk to her."

Steve meets Jen at the front entrance. "I'm so sorry, we forgot to call you. Jamie had a seizure yesterday and subsequent bleeding on her brain. She's just now waking up from surgery. Can we reschedule?"

"Oh no, is she ok?" Jen asks concerned.

"So far, it looks like she will be fine. But like I said, she just woke up so we will have a better idea of what's going on in a day or two."

"Ok, keep me posted. Yes, we can definitely reschedule," Jen says pulling out her schedule.

"Actually, can we talk for a minute?" Steve asks remembering the picture that Jamie drew at Clint's and the intense reaction to the yardstick and the straps.

"Sure."

Steve takes Jen to a conference room completely surrounded by windows some revealing outside and some opening up to the hallway. The table that seats twenty-four people feels inappropriate for this meeting but it was close by.

Steve begins once they are seated, "Jamie has some intense reactions to the triggers that you mentioned last time. She goes into a full panic, scared as if the event is happening in the present and for her it feels like it is. Is there a way to help lessen the effect that triggers have on her, especially those common items that show up frequently, making it impossible to completely avoid them?"

"Yes, we can desensitize her to any known trigger. Start off small, maybe a picture of the item then the item in the room but on the other side of the room, bringing it slightly closer over time. This will take at minimum days but for her probably a month or two of regular exposure to the items. It's important to pair the presence of the triggers with something that she finds comforting. So perhaps, holding her while the picture of the yardstick is ten feet away one day then the next day holding her while the picture is five feet away, then bringing the actual item in the same room with her for a few minutes again while holding her. You can increase by distance, a picture versus the actual object, by the size of the object as well as length of time with the object. Then, fade how much comfort you provide until she is able to be around the object without the added comfort. Just take it slow, very slow."

"Yeah, ok, we can do that," Steve considers Jen's suggestion both excited there's a solution and anxious thinking about Jamie's likely response.

"She will hate it and dread it, so be prepared to deal with resistance."

Steve chuckles, knowing exactly how Jamie will respond.

"Jamie also drew a pretty graphic picture. I guess I'm wondering if it's helpful or not." Steve shows Jen the picture.

She looks it over for a moment. "Do you know if this depicts something that actually happened or not?"

"Yes, that's something that happened to her. She was molested by a neighbor who beat her anytime she moved or made noise."

"It's good for her to be able to say what happened and to express her feelings. When the words don't come, drawing is also good. She may want to talk about what happened but with PTSD, she may not be able to talk yet. This can be a good bridge until then. I wouldn't force it though, have materials available for her if she wants. She may or may not want to show you; it's ok either way. If she wants to show you, you can try to ask questions about it but she may not be able to respond. Again, that's ok."

"Thank you so much for your help," Steve comments, walking Jen back to the front entrance then heads back to the infirmary.


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37

"Can I leave now?" I whine obnoxiously. "I promise I'm feeling better and if I start to not feel well, I will tell someone and come back. Please!"

Bruce doesn't answer right away; my patience has dried up like the Sahara desert. "Bruce! Please!"

"Ok, but I'm staying with you and I reserve the right to check vitals whenever I want."

"Fine. Let's go!"

With the thrill of my win, I whip off the covers and fling my legs over the side of the bed but am abruptly stopped by Bruce's next words. "And you need to use a wheelchair."

"Arghhhh," I growl, but comply knowing between Bruce and Hulk, I will have to stay in the infirmary if I don't follow Bruce's instructions. I guess this is still better because my legs are a little weak. My legs feel like jelly causing me to stumble as soon as I put weight on the leading leg. I manage to catch myself playing it off like I was reaching for the armrest. My gaze goes to Bruce's wide-eyed look, but he didn't say anything so I think I'm in the clear.

Bruce also insists on pushing the wheelchair with everyone following close behind. A huge grin crosses my face as soon as we make it to the living quarters, _finally I'm home or, I mean, actually the compound. Ugh_. Anyway, everyone is here, even Laura, I feel so lucky.

Tony and Bruce set up the couch for me so that I am still around everyone and no doubt to keep an eye on me. I don't mind, I get to hang out with everyone. _This is so great. I should have more seizures._ I silently chuckle at my weird thought.

Thinking about my seizure, I am bothered by the cause of it, "Hey Tony?"

"What's up, you feeling ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Hey, listen, the little device that was found in my brain, what did you call it…a receiver, I think…who other than you could have made it?"

Tony thinks for a second then leaves the room without a word. I watch him leave then look at Steve concerned that I may have upset Tony. Bruce and Steve's interest are peaked but they don't want to leave me. "Steve?"

"It's ok Jamie. Tony's going to check on some things. You posed a good question that he's going to look into. Don't worry about it, ok?"

I nod then lay back down but still feel uneasy. "Clint, Nat and Laura are here, you both should go see what Tony is up to," I suggest trying to calm my fear.

Steve hesitates for a second then kisses my forehead, "We'll be back in a bit." Steve and Bruce leave me , still feeling anxious about what they might find. Clint takes Steve's place as snuggler, sitting next to me on the couch.

"Laura, do you have to go home tonight?"

"No, I'm all yours until you're feeling better. The kids are with their grandparents so everyone is happy there I'm sure," Laura says with a warm smile.

Clint smiles at Laura then kisses my head. I smile too feeling better that Laura and Clint are with me.

Someone, I assume Nat, talks to Clint through the coms. I interrupt before Clint even signs off, "What's going on?"

He fills us in on the plan. "We're going to head out to follow up on a lead. Bruce will stay behind just in case something happens with you. Laura, do you mind if I go too?"

"No, absolutely, you need to go. Bruce and I will take care of Jamie."

On the way out, Clint reminds me, "Jamie, Vision is also here, ask FRIDAY to contact him if you need something, ok?"

I nod knowing there is no way that I will ask for Vision.

Laura moves to sit next to me but I'm too anxious to relax so she rubs my back while I sit curled up. _I hate when they leave for Avenger stuff._ Bruce walks in a few minutes later, checking on me, taking vitals and shining the light in my eyes.

"Bruce is everyone ok?"

"Yeah honey. They are just going to check some possible leads, that's all. They shouldn't be more than a couple of hours. But, you really need to sleep."

"What? I can't sleep now," I complain.

"Well, I can give you something to help you fall asleep," Bruce counters.

"Why do I need to sleep?"

"Because you are recovering from brain surgery."

"I don't want any medicine, I'll try to fall asleep on my own, ok?"

"Ok," Bruce plants a gentle kiss on my forehead.

Laura prompts me to lie down on the pillow that she propped up against her leg. I obediently lay down my head, feeling Bruce watching me closely. Laura gently rubs my forehead humming softly. Although I'm worried, the rhythmic sensation lulls me off to sleep. I dream about the boy, Cross, Mom and Lizzy, yardsticks and straps, everything and everyone is after me and no matter how fast or hard I run, they catch me every time.

A familiar voice wakes me up. I open my eyes and look around for the source of the sound. "Steve!" I yell then jump into his arms with a few stray tears tumbling down my cheeks. I hold on as tight as I can, wanting to be as close as possible to him and the security he provides.

Steve immediately responds with a long hug, stroking my hair, "Shh, it's ok baby girl, we're back now."

"What happened? I was worried." I say shaking as the fear from my dream and real life seem to collide and crash in on me all at once.

Steve continues to hold me until my body calms down. "We're all ok. We followed up on a lead and gathered information. We're done for tonight. Ok? Are you alright?"

I nod. "I just hate when you leave."

"Do you want me to sit with you and snuggle until you fall asleep?"

I nod, smiling into Steve's neck, happy that he's home.

Steve carries me, because I haven't let go yet, to my bed then lies next to me on top of the covers after tucking me in. I lay my head on his chest with my arm around his waist with his arm wrapped around my shoulder. I still don't want to let go, afraid if I do then he will leave again. My body is still shaking some but having Steve with me is helping.

"I know doing this stuff is your job, but I really hate when you leave. I worry because you could get hurt or even worse."

"I understand, let's talk about it tomorrow though. I want you to get some sleep now. Your body is still recovering from the surgery."

"Ok," I say with all possible protests forgotten as I yawn and close my eyes.

I have another dream. I'm being chased but I can't see who it is, it's too dark.

Steve tries to wake me up but his voice seems so far away, "Jamie, Jamie, wake up."

I can hear Bruce and Steve talking but I'm too tired to listen.

"Jamie, I need you to wake up!" Bruce yells. _No, I'm tired._

Clint, Laura and Nat are talking too, _I need to sleep, leave me alone, please I'm tired._ Bruce shines the light in my eyes, I can see it but I'm just too tired. I think someone is carrying me.

Steve looks down at Jamie who is groaning then notices that her nose is bleeding.

"Jamie, Jamie, wake up!"

"Bruce!" Steve yells then returns his attention to the unresponsive girl. "Jamie, wake up!"

"She's groaning and her nose is bleeding. She won't wake up." Steve explains to Bruce as he runs into Jamie's room, immediately starting his examination.

"Jamie, I need you to wake up," Bruce gives his instruction loud and firm to try to get her to wake up.

"We need to get her to the infirmary," Bruce says to Steve who quickly pulls Jamie from the covers and into his arms.

Nat, Clint and Laura are watching from the hallway. "What's going on?" Clint asks with urgency.

"She's not responding."

"Oh no!" Laura murmurs covering her mouth, anxious about Jamie's well-being.

"I'll get the door," Nat says helping Steve maneuver faster to the infirmary.

As soon as they enter the medical wing, Bruce calls for a bed then a CT scan. The medical staff jump into action leaving the rest of the team waiting anxiously again.


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38

Bruce returns to the packed waiting room with an update following the most recent scan. Although the team is relieved to hear that there isn't any bleeding, swelling at the site that harbored the hidden receiver is the new concern.

Trying to understand the problem like an engineer, Tony gathers as much information as he can, "So how do you treat this, what did you call it, cerebral edema?"

"For now, she is on oxygen and IV fluids. We will repeat the CT scan after a few hours to see if the swelling is going down. If not, we can give her a medication to help reduce swelling but it's not without side effects. The affected area is small enough that I don't think she will need surgery."

Steve asks alarmed, "What kind of side-effects?"

"Let's hold off on that discussion. The swelling is limited to a relatively small area so I think the oxygen and fluids will help."

"Can we see her?" Laura asks hopefully, holding back tears.

Bruce wants to say no but sees that he will have to concede. "Ok, but limit the number of people in there to one or two."

Steve says, "Laura how about you and Clint go in first."

Laura nods relieved that the others are going to let her see Jamie.

Clint and Laura tentatively open the door to Jamie's room. Gasps slip out from both when they see Jamie attached to the equipment. Bruce failed to mention the monitors. Laura sits in the seat closest to Jamie's head and Clint sits next to her. The spirited, smiling girl of a few hours ago is replaced with a solemn, pale-faced child. Laura begins to cry, Clint comforts her.

"She's going to be fine; Bruce is one of the best doctors and he wasn't too proud to ask for a neurosurgeon just to be sure he wasn't missing anything. She's in good hands and like Bruce said the swollen area is small. And if you haven't noticed from her spunk, she's a fighter." Clint keeps his hand on Laura's shoulder, comforting her, while holding Jamie's hand. Laura rubs Jamie's forehead, telling her that she loves her hoping that she's still able to hear her although unconscious.

Clint pulls Laura and himself away, "We should give someone else a chance to come back."

Laura nods, without moving for several seconds wanting to steal as many extra moments as possible. Laura leaves after placing a kiss on Jamie's forehead, whispering, "I love you."

Steve and Nat wait more or less patiently while Laura and Clint visit Jamie. Tony decides to keep himself busy working on finding clues using the recovered receiver instead of waiting anxiously for something to happen, at least he feels like he's doing something.

Following their visit, Laura and Clint enter the waiting room, the anxiety on Laura's face doing nothing to relieve Nat and Steve's worries. With a few brief exchanges, Steve and Nat go into the room. Immediately, they understand the ashen look on their faces. Jamie has an IV with bags of fluids, tubes of oxygen, and is hooked up to various monitors. The pair takes a seat one on each side of Jamie's bed. Bruce comes up from behind, to check Jamie's pupils and vitals.

"She looks good. We're going to take her for another CT scan in a few minutes," Bruce informs Steve and Nat then goes to talk to the nurse.

Nat starts to cry, albeit just a few stray tears are shed before she regains her composure, a very unusual display for someone who works hard to keep such things to herself. Steve consoles her knowing Nat is more likely to accept it with no one else around to witness, "She's going to be ok."

"I know," Nat asserts, stuffing down the remaining vulnerable emotions.

Steve leans in and talks to Jamie, "Hi baby girl. We are here waiting for you to wake up. Love you kiddo." Steve kisses Jamie's forehead then walks to the door.

"Coming?" Steve asks Nat seeing that she hasn't moved.

"Yeah," Nat says then quickly gives Jamie a kiss on the top of her head before turning to leave the room.

Jamie groans, stopping Steve and Nat in their tracks. They look at each other then turn to Jamie, checking to see if the other heard the unexpected sound too. They both walk over to the girl, listening carefully for more signs of consciousness. "Hah-oh?" The small gruff voice, although sounds little like Jamie's voice, is welcomed.

"Bruce," Steve calls then quickly returns to Jamie's side.

"Hi baby girl. We're here," Steve answers Jamie's call, squeezing her hand.

Jamie seems agitated but awake, making some sounds but no words, at least nothing intelligible. Bruce enters the room moments later responding to the urgency in Steve's voice.

"What's up?"

Steve shares what's happened, "Jamie's talking, sort of."

Bruce checks Jamie again. "Jamie. Can you hear me?"

"Bruce?" Jamie's voice sounds strained.

"Yeah honey. How are you feeling?"

Jamie's hand brushes along her neck, "hurts."

"That's from wearing the oxygen, that will clear up quickly. How about your head, any pain?"

Jamie shakes her head slightly, "feel weird."

"Any nausea?"

Jamie doesn't answer right away.

"Does your belly feel ok?" Bruce rephrases his question in a child friendly way.

"Yeah, I think so."

"Ok good. We are going to take you for another test, then we can talk more, ok?"

Jamie nods, closing her eyes.

Bruce turns his attention to Steve and Nat, "We're going to do the test now. The fact that she's awake and talking is good."

Steve and Nat stay in the room until Jamie is wheeled away. Steve puts his arms around Nat bringing her into a hug to comfort her. "See, she's going to be fine," Steve croaks through his emotion as much for himself as for Nat.

Jamie comes back about twenty-five minutes later, propped up slightly in the bed but her eyes are closed.

"How's she doing Bruce?" Steve solicits, anxious for news.

"Good the swelling is starting to go down. I want to keep her here at least over night with oxygen and IV fluids. Although, I'm sure as she starts to feel better, she will try to convince me to let her go back to her room," Bruce chuckles, imagining Jamie's reaction.

"Yes, she should stay here this time. I'll go tell Clint, Laura and Tony. Can we all come in to visit with her?" Steve requests knowing no one will want to wait any longer.

"She will need to rest, let's keep it to two or three people," Steve stifles a grumble, not wanting to give Bruce any grief considering everything that's been on his plate over the past twenty-four hours.

With one last peek at Jamie, Steve leaves the room, smiling seeing more color in her face.

Steve calls Tony on coms and informs him that Jamie is doing better, then goes to the waiting room to talk to Clint and Laura.

"She was awake briefly. They did the scan and it shows the swelling is going down. Bruce wants to keep her here over night."

Clint chuckles, "Good luck with that."

Laura visibly relaxes, falling back into Clint's embrace. Clint looks at his wife, loving her all the more seeing her care for the newest member of the family that was sprung on her only a few months ago, noticing the bags that have formed under her eyes from lack of sleep. "Honey, how about you rest in my room. I'll come get you if there are any changes."

Laura nods.

"Come on, I'll walk with you," Clint hums, keeping his arm wrapped lovingly around his wife.

Jamie continues to sleep off and on for the next several hours. The team takes turns staying with Jamie and resting or getting a bite to eat so everyone is taken care of and Jamie isn't left alone.

Tony hesitantly approaches Steve, "Peter's here, he asked about her. I told him what's going on, he really wants to see her. How mad do you think she will be if Peter stops by?"

"Tony!" Steve growls in frustration. "If you have to ask then my guess is pretty mad, mad because she'll feel embarrassed."

"Right, but she seemed more open to him near the end, you know, sharing more about herself," Tony defends his actions, trying to garner his support.

"Well, you're the one she will be angry with."

"Glad you're ok with it because he's on his way over."

Steve growls again then walks away from Tony, planning to stay in the room to help intervene if necessary. A few moments later, Peter knocks on the door to Jamie's hospital room.

"Hi Mr. Stark, Captain, Uh, Sir. How's Jamie?"

"Hi Peter, she's doing much better now. We are waiting for her to wake up. How are you doing?"

"Oh, I'm fine, thanks for asking."

Peter walks to the side of Jamie's bed, mouth slightly open in awe of her hooked up to the medical equipment, his face blushing thinking how beautiful she looks even now. Steve and Tony are touched by the care this boy is showing for Jamie, hoping she will feel the same.


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter 39

I open my sore, blurry eyes, blinking a few times trying to see better. Noticing I'm awake, Steve leans in, "Hi baby girl. How are you feeling?"

"I'm thirsty." My throat hurts, feeling like I haven't had a drink in a month.

Tony pours a cup of cold water and hands it to me. "Here you go."

I take a few sips, wincing with each swallow but the pain seems to improve over time.

Looking around the room, I spot Peter along the back wall, his eyes wide open. I can't tell if he's afraid or disgusted by my appearance.

"Hi Peter," I say then look down worried that it might be the latter.

"Hi. Ah, Mr. Stark said you were sick. I was really worried about you," Peter admits, his concern still written across his brow.

I look at Tony sideways, "Oh did he."

Tony smiles, trying to make up for bringing Peter, but seems happy I'm not angrier. He gives me a kiss on my head then volunteers to leave, "I'll go tell the others that you're awake." I think he wants to get away from me before I yell at him.

Peter, whose eyes have yet to leave my face, takes Tony's spot next to my bed but doesn't say anything. Fortunately, Steve hangs out a bit not wanting to leave me alone with Peter if I don't want him to be here. I wish Peter wasn't here to see me like this especially after the stunned look on his face that's still there even after talking to me, but it's nice to know that Peter was thinking about me.

Bruce enters the room, "I hear you're awake. How are you feeling?"

"I'm ok. When can I leave?"

Bruce looks at Steve then looks down before finally speaking, "You have to stay here at least until tomorrow morning."

I sigh, "Ok."

"Wait, really, no argument?"

I shrug my shoulders.

"Are you feeling ok?" Bruce asks seriously, checking my pupils.

"Yeah, I'm ok, I just feel a little lightheaded and, well, I…I just..."

"I understand. Hey, we will need to do another scan in about an hour so get some rest," Bruce suggests then leaves the room.

"I'm glad you're getting better. I need to go to start my training but do you mind if I come back later this evening to check on you?" Peter asks.

I give a small smile, "Yeah, that's fine."

Steve smiles, he seems relieved. Peter departs, leaving Steve and I alone.

"Steve, I'm scared."

Steve grabs my hand with one hand then uses his other hand to stroke my hair. "I know baby girl, you've been through a lot over the past twenty-four hours. It looks like things are getting better though."

"I wish you could snuggle me here," I confide as a few tears run down my cheeks.

"Me too, sweetie." Steve continues stroking my hair and rubbing my forehead and arm, the closest thing that he can do to comfort me right now.

A few hours later, Clint and Laura come into my room. "Hi baby girl," Clint says when he sees me awake.

"Hi. Laura, you're still here," I grin feeling loved.

Laura smiles too, "Of course, sweetie."

"What time is it…and what day is it?" I probe, unsure if I really want the answer.

"It's still Monday...," Clint says then looks at his watch, "...ten o'clock at night."

"Oh, ok," I murmur thinking about having lost another full day.

"Hungry?"

I shake my head but reach for my cup of water and drink a few more sips.

"I'm ok now, you don't all have to stay, I bet you're all tired," I worry, feeling bad that everyone is still with me.

"We've been taking turns resting, so we're ok," Clint consoles, not wanting me to concern myself with anything but getting better.

I nod, but I was hoping they would leave. I've caused too much trouble already.

Laura shifts towards me, lifting my chin with her finger so I am looking at her. "Being here with you has not been a burden. There's no other place in the world that I would rather be right now than here. I can see it in your eyes, you feel bad that we are here, that we've given up time and sleep to be with you. You are important to all of us, we love you, so of course we would be here helping you through this."

Laura's words hit home, I feel like I've been chided by my mother, confronting me for not feeling like I deserve to be loved. I start to cry and nod, accepting the message. Laura leans in for a hug, holding me tight. "I love you," she says then kisses the top of my head. I lie back feeling sad, thinking about my mother, wishing that she were here with me. I'm thankful that I have other people who love me but it's not the same.

The next CT scan shows the swelling is nearly gone. I'm grateful that I haven't had any more bleeding and the swelling is getting better. I can't wait to leave the infirmary.

Now that I'm feeling better, I petition Tony for a TV in the room. He immediately gets on it setting up a TV, DVD player, and a video game console. I smile at Tony who has gone a little overboard. He hands me the remotes so I can choose what I want to do. Turning on the TV Tony makes some comment about every channel that I stop on being stupid. __Ugh__.

"Ok, so what do you want to watch?" I demand, giving him the stink eye.

"I'm so glad you asked," Tony grins. "I would be happy to help you find something worth watching." Tony selects a movie and says, "Here, this is a great movie."

"Yeah, if you're old! Come on this movie is what, fifty years old?"

"More like twenty years old thank you."

We both smile and laugh having fun messing with each other. I lie back feeling loved that so many people care about me.

A knock at the door draws my attention, awaiting the next visitor. Peter opens the door a crack and peeks inside, "Hi."

"Hi Peter, come on in."

"Looks like you're feeling better."

"Yeah, I am. Be sure to tell Bruce though, he thinks I still need to be here all night," I say a little louder so Bruce can hear me.

"I can't stay, I just wanted to say hi and see how you're doing."

"Ok. Thanks for stopping by. Maybe I'll see you tomorrow and hopefully not from this bed."

"Sounds good. Goodnight," Peter says with a smile.

Tony follows Peter out, "I'll be right back."

"Steve can I have your arm?" I plead wanting the feeling of being snuggled.

"My arm?" Steve asks chuckling, "What do you mean?"

"I want to snuggle, but I can't so maybe I can just borrow your arm."

Steve seems to understand. He reaches his right arm through the bars on the safety railing and weaves his arm underneath my head then puts his other arm on my head and shoulder. I turn to lie on my side, facing Steve then grab onto his arm. I close my eyes, feeling tired. Steve strokes my hair and rubs the side of my face gently.

The next morning, I pester Bruce until he agrees to let me leave the infirmary. I have to come back later today for another CT scan to check on the swelling, but I don't have to wear the oxygen or have IVs anymore. My arm is itchy where the needle was placed with the clear cover that left a square shaped red mark. I scratch.

"Leave that alone, you don't want to open up the vein," Laura chides.

I sigh. I love and hate being 'mom-ed.'

Very much against my wishes, Steve pushes me in the wheelchair back to the living quarters. I'm so done with all of this. Steve notices and asks, "You doin' ok, kiddo?"

"I'm fine," I respond keeping my head down. "When we get back, can I please just have some time alone?"

Steve stops the wheelchair and kneels next to me so we are at the same level. "Seriously, what's going on?"

As Steve makes eye contact, a few tears well up along my eyes but I manage to keep them from spilling over, quickly looking away to hide them.

"Jamie, talk to me," Steve pleads, concern etched on his face.

"I don't feel sick if that's what you're asking."

"I don't only mean that; you seem sad. Why is that?"

"Can we go to my room now, please?"

"Will you talk to me there?"

I growl, "Sure." I bark hoping to appease him.

"I will hold you to that," Steve says then returns to pushing my chair. I roll my eyes, hating being so restricted; I'm not even allowed to walk by myself.

We arrive at my room to find that Tony already had the TV brought in and hooked up the DVD player and game console. I smile that he thought to do that for me. Steve helps me get into bed then sits next to me.

"Want to snuggle?" Steve offers.

I nod, then scoot over enough for Steve to sit comfortably.

After we get situated, Steve broaches the topic again, "Ok, so tell me what's going on?"

Maybe Steve planned to ask again once we were snuggling because now with Steve holding me, I feel like I want to talk to him.

"I'm tired of being sick and sad and mad and weird and sc-scared," I complain not expecting my voice to crack on the final word.

"I get it, it has been a tough couple of months. It really hasn't let up but things will get better." Steve gives me a reassuring squeeze.

I'm not as hopeful as Steve. "I don't believe you. I don't think things will ever get better, not really. How can they? My family is dead, things will never be ok again," I say, tears betraying me.

"Things won't be the same as before, but they can get better," Steve utters understanding where I'm coming from. "Ya know, my parents both died when I was a kid. I was sad for a long time but things did get better, not the same, but better. Look, now I have you in my life."

I smile, believing Steve loves me. "Yeah, I guess. When I was sick, I really wanted my mom. I actually forgot for a moment that she's dead but then she wasn't there."

Steve reflects for a moment then shares, "When I went through the procedure to become enhanced, I was scared, it felt like my entire body was on fire. I wanted my mom, too."

I look up at Steve who has this look on his face that I recognize, he is missing his mom. I wrap my arm around Steve's chest and snuggle in a little tighter to comfort and thank him. Steve responds in kind. I fall asleep being held by Steve which, I guess, isn't the same but is better than when I first came here.

Steve stays with me for a while after I fall asleep; I stir when he tries to get up. "You can stay in bed if you're still tired," Steve says when my eyes open.

"Ok," I mumble, falling right back to sleep.

A few hours later, I wake to find Nat lying next to me on my bed somehow managing to climb in my bed and pull me closer so that I am resting against her chest without waking me.

"Good morning or should I say good afternoon."

I half smile, not finding her little joke funny. "Can I shower now? I feel gross." The better part of the last two days spent in a hospital bed has left me feeling dirty.

"Let's see how you do on your feet first," Nat says willing to at least let me try.

I roll my eyes but comply with the trial run for standing, with Nat standing next to me offering her arm if needed. I try to stand but find myself feeling lightheaded while upright and remarkably weak. Nat can see the defeat in my eyes. "How about we use the wheelchair in the bathroom? I will wash your hair for you and help you at least clean up some. Ok?"

I nod, grateful for the opportunity to clean up even if I need someone to help me and even more grateful that Nat still tries to make me feel safe even when I'm more vulnerable.

Despite my objections, Nat uses the wheelchair to take me to the kitchen where everyone else has congregated. Laura is still here; I give her a big smile. I really expected that she would have left already. Clint sees my smile and puts his arm around his wife, also smiling.

Clint presses, "Want something to eat?"

"I'm not hun…" I begin to decline but am promptly shut down.

Bruce quickly interrupts, "Yes, she is, how about something light like soup or toast?" I roll my eyes at the overprotective parenting, even from Bruce who tends to be a little more chill.

I sigh resigned to my fate as Clint makes bland, boring toast.

"Here you go kiddo," Clint chirps, handing me a plate with two slices of buttered toast then kisses the top of my head.

"Thanks," I say flatly, not really feeling appreciative, then take a few bites and return the leftover bread to the plate while gauging Bruce's reaction.

Bruce shakes his head. "Finish that slice then you can be done if you really don't want anymore. Then, we will head back to run the scan."

I almost cry, the thought of going back there crushes me.

Bruce sees the dread in my eyes, "It will only take a half hour or so then as long as everything looks good you can come back here."

 ** **A/N****

 ** **Hi all. Thanks so much for reading. I really hope you are enjoying it as much as I enjoyed writing it. This is my first story so I'm still very new to descriptive writing (including grammar specific to dialogue-sorry.) Please leave me a little note, let me know what you think so far. The whole story is written but I can always make some adjustments along the way.****


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter 40

As I'm finishing my last bite of toast, Tony comes around the corner with someone I don't know, immediately feeling self-conscious sitting in a wheelchair.

The woman stops talking to Tony as soon as she sees me then excitedly redirects her attention to me, "Oh, you must be Jamie. I've heard so much about you."

I don't respond but look at Tony warily.

Tony steps in to explain, "Jamie this is Pepper, she's my, um, my girlfriend." Tony looks over at Pepper hopefully, looking for confirmation.

Pepper corrects him, "We're just friends."

"Well my friend that's a girl," Tony rebuts with a 'huh I win' grin.

"Uh ok, hi Pepper," my words laced with some combination of shyness, embarrassment, and irritation.

"Tony said that you weren't feeling well. How are you doing?" Pepper asks with a sympathetic look daintily crouching down next to the wheelchair wearing a form fitting skirt that grazes the tops of her kneecaps.

I look at Tony again, feeling slightly betrayed that this woman whom I've never met knows so much about me, how much I don't know, which ignites the shame that resides near the surface. "I'm fine, thank you for asking," I say flatly trying not to make eye contact.

Seeing my discomfort, Bruce interrupts, "Well, Jamie we need to head over to the infirmary now. Ready?"

"Yes," I say louder and quicker than intended, my prior dread replaced with sincere gratitude.

Steve pushes the wheelchair, planning to come along to explain what's going on.

As soon as we leave the living quarters, I comment sourly, "Tony didn't tell him he was talking about me with other people."

"Tony is very close to Pepper," Steve explains. "They have dated off and on for a while but have known each other for much longer."

"So why didn't Tony tell me about her?" I mutter feeling betrayed.

"I don't know. They have been in an 'off again' cycle lately."

"What all did Tony tell her?"

"I don't know, you will need to ask him that?"

"Does anyone else know about me?"

"Other than Avenger related people, I don't think so."

I'm mad that Tony would tell someone about me then never mention them to me, just spring it on me, when I'm sick nonetheless.

Steve stays with Bruce and me in the CT scan room, watching. I lay there quietly, not wanting to talk to anyone, enjoying the rare alone time that comes with being in this machine.

After the test, Bruce comes over to talk to Steve and me. I can tell by the look on his face that it's not going to be good news. "It looks like there's still some swelling. I would like you to hang out here for a while on oxygen and another IV."

My only response is the torrent of tears that flow down my cheeks. _I want this to be over._

Bruce tries to console me, "I know that isn't what you wanted to hear but treating it now will help to prevent a bigger problem."

I ignore Bruce's words; they really don't help to make me feel any better.

Seeing that I'm not responding, Bruce decides to proceed, "Ok, well, I'll get the nurse to help set you up." I notice the cautious look that Bruce gives Steve.

Steve takes me back to the room that I was in earlier and helps me get back into the bed. My legs are still weak, Steve catching me when I try to stand up. Steve sits on the bed next to me and wraps his arms around me, cradling my head on his chest. "I'm sorry this is happening, kiddo?"

I start crying again, desperately wanting my mom here, wanting all of this to be over, to just be some awful nightmare from which I will wake up. I'm upset with Tony for talking about me to a stranger and for being in this mess because of Cross. I hear a soft knock then freeze when Tony enters with Pepper following close behind. Steve signals for them to leave but it's too late, I already saw them and add humiliation to my list of grievances. Tony leaves the room without question seeing my distress.

"As soon as Bruce comes back, I will go talk to Tony."

A minute later, Bruce comes in with the nurse to start the IV and set up the oxygen both mirroring my subdued demeanor, neither talking unless absolutely necessary to complete the task. Steve stays with me until the IV is in then whispers something to Bruce who takes a seat next to me. Once settled, Steve leaves the room.

"How are you feeling Jamie?" Bruce asks.

"I feel weak and lightheaded."

"I'm sorry you have to be back here again."

I shrug my shoulders. Bruce understands that I don't want to talk so he rubs my arm and squeezes my hand.

"Thanks Bruce," I say feeling grateful that he is here with me. Bruce leans in and kisses my forehead to comfort me.

A few minutes later, Tony re-enters my room, "Hey there kiddo."

"Hi," I say looking past him to see if Pepper is with him. I definitely do not want to deal with Tony's friend right now.

Bruce excuses himself, "I'll check on you in a bit," kisses my forehead then leaves the room after shooting Tony a 'good luck' look.

Tony sits down next to me, pausing for a moment before speaking, "I'm sorry that I told Pepper about you. I really didn't think it was a big deal, but I can see now how you might perceive that. Forgive me?" Tony asks, head down, looking at me with sad puppy dog eyes.

I growl, but say, "Yes, I forgive you but you have to tell me what all you told her."

Now Tony looks guilty, _with that look, it can't be good._ G _reat, just great._ "I told her that we are your guardians now after your family was killed by Cross. I mentioned that I love you very much, that you're like my daughter." Tony pauses to see if I react to this revelation.

I'm torn. Part of me believes him and the other part thinks he just said that to make me feel better and forget what he did. I decide to confront him on it. "Are you just saying that so I won't be mad at you?"

"No Jamie. I really do think of you as my daughter. I love you kiddo."

I nod, still not quite believing him.

"Did you tell her anything else?"

"I mentioned that you've been struggling, that you were abused."

I wince when Tony mentions those things, the shame hitting me especially hard.

Tony moves on quickly to distract me, "I've mostly told her how great of a kid you are, how you are also good at math, and about snuggling, one of my favorite things to do these days."

I smile, snuggling is one of my favorite things too. "So, what's the deal with you two? Are you dating or something?"

"Or something," Tony says with a hint of frustration. "We have though and I would like to again."

"Would you…" I'm not really sure what I'm asking, or how to ask it. "Um…" I sigh. "Would you stop…"

Tony sees where I'm going with this before I know where I'm going with it. "I won't stop loving you and even if we end up moving somewhere else, I still want to see you every day."

Tony doesn't seem to think I'm silly or weird. That's good. I nod, believing that Tony at least wants that now.

"I think Pepper would like to come talk to you too, would that be alright?" Tony presses lightly.

"Will you stay with me?" I appeal to his supposed fatherly feelings.

"If you want me to, yes, of course I will."

"Ok, I want you to stay while she's here."

Tony smiles then leaves for a short time bringing Pepper with him when he returns.

Pepper immediately apologizing, "I'm so sorry, honey, I didn't realize that Tony…completely…failed…to mention me." Pepper says jabbing Tony in the ribs highlighting where he went wrong.

I smile.

"So, let's start over." Pepper says, "I'm Pepper, it's wonderful to meet you," while holding out her hand to shake.

I smile and take her proffered hand. "I'm Jamie, it's nice to meet you."

"I really am sorry honey."

I nod accepting the apology, "It's ok, Tony already apologized too."

"Tony…apologized?" Pepper asks surprised staring at Tony with her mouth hanging open in shock.

I nod confirming.

"You really have had quite the impact on this guy. He never would have apologized before, just made some smart aleck remark about how he was actually right."

I chuckle, "Yeah, he hasn't done that in a while."

"Hey, I'm feeling a little ganged up on," Tony says feigning hurt feeling. "I don't think it's a good idea to have the two of you in the same room."

Pepper and I chuckle.

"Do you want me to have the others come in?" Tony asks, turning his attention back to me.

"Um, could you send Laura in, if she's there?" I request feeling sheepish.

"Sure kiddo," Tony says then kisses my forehead. Pepper is touched by his care for me.

A minute later, Laura knocks on the door then comes in. "Hi Jamie, can I come in?"

I nod.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm ok." I look down at my fingers then speak, feeling the need to explain why I asked for her, "So I really want my mom here but, you know…I was wondering if you would…"

Laura stops me right there with a big hug. "Yes, Jamie, I will fill in, I will be your mom." I can feel a few tears hit my shoulder, Laura is crying.

I tear up too, Steve was right, not the same as before but better than it was.

Laura fluffs up my pillow and tucks me in, keeping ahold of my hand while rubbing my arm, face, or forehead periodically with her other hand. She also talks to me, keeping my mind off of what's going on, just like Mom would have done. _I miss her so much_.

After a while, Clint and Steve enter to check on me. They both smile when they see Laura and I together. "Looks like you two are doing well." Laura and I smile in response to Clint's comment.

Clint moves to stand behind Laura and Steve sits next to me on the other side.

"How's your head?" Steve asks, still concerned about me having another seizure or worse.

"Ok, I think. I really only felt lightheaded earlier when I tried to stand up."

"Ok that's good. You should get some rest now," Steve suggests then kisses the top of my head.

Clint kisses my cheek. "Get some rest, we'll see you when you wake up."

I nod, smiling. They always make me feel so special and loved.

Laura checks in, "Do you want me to stay?"

I nod emphatically, desperate really, for her to stay with me.

"Ok," Laura agrees then smiles at me.

Clint kisses Laura then he and Steve leave the room. _I do feel tired_. I close my eyes and drift off to sleep.

Bruce wakes me up a few hours later. "Jamie. Jamie. Wake up honey."

I open my eyes with several heavy blinks.

"Hi baby, we're going to run another scan to check on the progress, ok?"

I nod then close my eyes, content with sleeping through the test.

Following the scan, Bruce talks with the team. "The swelling has gone down. I'm pleased that she's still making progress, it's just slower than I would have liked. I want to keep her here again over night on oxygen and IV fluids. I know she's going to hate that but I don't want to stop the treatments until we have a better handle on the problem. Her protective layer adds another level of possible complications."

Steve volunteers to tell me what Bruce is going to do, available to intervene if necessary. "Bruce said that you're getting better but not as fast as he hoped so he wants you to stay here over night again to continue to treat you."

I nod, resigned that I won't win this battle; besides, I really do want to get better faster. Maybe not fighting will help this move along so I can be done with it. Steve is surprised that I didn't argue but is happy he doesn't have to disappoint me.

"I'm going to stay here tonight. Laura, you should go rest for a while," Steve suggests.

Laura begins to protest but I interrupt, "Steve's right, you should rest. I'm ok with Steve here."

"Alright honey, I love you."

"Thank you Laura," I say full of gratitude for Laura's presence and her willingness to take care of me.

"You're welcome, honey." Laura gives me a kiss on my cheek, then leaves the room.

"Laura really enjoyed being in here with you," Steve comments after watching Laura interact with me.

"I thought about what you said about things getting better even if they won't be the same. I asked Laura if she would act like she's my mom. It felt good to at least pretend."

"I don't think Laura was pretending. She really does love you," Steve soothes, stroking my hair.

I smile then look down at my hands feeling somewhat insecure asking for Steve to comfort me. "Steve, will you snuggle me like you did earlier when we were here?"

"Absolutely baby girl."

Within a few minutes, I am asleep again, wrapped with Steve's arm precariously laced through the bars of the safety railing on the hospital bed.

I wake the next morning feeling a lot better. Bruce enters about the same time that I wake up noticing Steve sleeping in the chair next to my bed. "Good Morning Jamie, how are you feeling?"

"Better," I boast confidently, ready to leave the infirmary.

"Happy to hear it. We're going to run another scan now."

I lay back with a smile knowing without a doubt that this scan will show that I'm better and can leave.

A half hour goes by while the machine takes its special pictures showing the inside of my head. Afterward, Bruce is happy to report that the swelling is gone. But, I will need another scan in a couple days to make sure that it doesn't return. Which is fine with me because I get to leave the infirmary now. I think Bruce is happy too because although he is a doctor, he really prefers research not practicing. I think it bothered him some to need to be my doctor, I bet it was hard for him to care about me and need to fix me.

When it's time to leave, I stand up, testing my legs to see if they will hold me up. They do, so Bruce doesn't make me use the wheelchair. There is a mini party set up for me when I get back to the living quarters. Clint has two bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch for us and Tony is trying to make pancakes again, with about as much success. The atmosphere is jubilant, everyone celebrating together as a family including Laura and Pepper.

After breakfast, Clint and Laura decide to head home to get the kids settled back in. I give Laura a big hug, thanking her for being with me. She gives me a kiss and tells me she loves me. Clint also hugs me and kisses my cheek, happy that I'm feeling better. "I'll be back for breakfast," Clint says on his way out.

Tony has me get set up in the living room, wanting me to be close but also resting. I insist that I'm fine but he won't listen. So, I lie on the couch snuggled up with Tony rubbing my forehead and stroking my hair watching a movie, with Pepper sitting on the adjacent chair watching Tony and me with a big smile. Steve was gone for a bit but comes back and takes a seat at my feet, lifting up my legs while scooting under them then gently placing them on his lap. Everyone wants to be close to me. I feel loved and wanted. It's not long before I doze off surrounded by some of the people who love me.

I wake up around lunch time, starving. Steve makes me a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup of which I eat every bite. For the rest of the afternoon, Tony has me lying on the couch again, snuggling with him. _I hope he isn't just doing this to show off for Pepper. I guess, either way, I get to snuggle._ I ask to go to my room after dinner to play on the game console that Tony put in my room. Steve joins me, trying to play the game. I think the whole idea of video games blows his mind because he keeps commenting on how amazing it is. It takes a while but Steve starts to get a hang of the controls and the everchanging perspective. I find it hard to play well with the cast still on my arm but I have fun nonetheless.

 **A/N**

 **We're about halfway folks. There are some big things coming, stay tuned. As always, please leave me a message. Thanks!**


	41. Chapter 41

Chapter 41

After Jamie goes to sleep, the team, including Clint via video conference, gets together to talk about another treatment, this one is for Jamie's intense PTSD reactions.

Steve begins, "While Jen was here on Monday, I asked her if there was anything that we could do to help her fear of things related to the traumas. She suggested systematic desensitization to each trigger that we want to lessen. The most important being things she may come in contact with in daily life such as a yardstick or a frisbee."

"What would that involve?" Nat questions, considering the options.

"We would gradually expose Jamie to more and more of something that is a trigger. Jen suggested starting with showing Jamie a picture of a yardstick for a short amount of time then slowly increasing the amount of time. Once she is able to tolerate that we would switch the item from a picture to an actual yardstick but moving the item closer and closer to her. We would do this several times a day over days, weeks or even months depending on how well Jamie responds.

"This will be hard for her but the point is to make life easier for her in the long run. For this to work, we will all need to agree because Jamie definitely won't want to do this and will try to get out of it. She may have intense reactions that we will have to deal with. What do you guys think?"

The team thinks for a moment, the prospect of more pain for Jamie meaning more heartache for them. Seeing the team's anxiety, Steve continues trying to convince everyone, "While we were at Clint's, Jamie just happened to come across a yardstick. She froze, became lost in the memory of the abuse. It was as if the abuse was happening all over again to her, just because she saw a yardstick. I don't want her to go through that when she isn't here with us to help her. What if she goes back to school and one of the teachers brings out a yardstick for a science lesson? She's going to be in a full PTSD episode around her peers. What if it happens again when she's an adult at work? When she's older, she's not going to have the support of parents to help her, she will be trying to be strong for her own family. She needs this now, she needs us to be there for her now while we can be."

Tony roughly rubs either side of his head, growls, then speaks up, "He's right we need to do this for her."

"I agree, but she's going to really hate this. How do we get her to even be able to sit through it?" Bruce asks.

Steve explains, "Jen suggested having something available that makes her feel safe that we can give her every time we do this. Maybe snuggling with one of us, holding her teddy bear, something like that. Jen said that she's only suggesting it because we have created a safe place and established ourselves as safe people."

Clint adds, "I agree that she needs it, she was also very embarrassed that she got so scared. I think if we don't do something the fear of being afraid will hold her back."

Everyone gives an understanding nod.

"So, it's settled we will begin desensitizing her to these triggers," Steve sums up the team's decision.

"Let's hold off starting until after her next clear CT scan," Bruce suggests.

With Bruce's concession, Steve thinks of another issue. "Bruce, we need to make sure Hulk is also on board. We will likely need him to help with Jamie and we don't want him to be upset with us for doing this. I could see him thinking we are doing something to her instead of for her."

Bruce nods, "Hulk has been listening to this meeting but you may want to talk to him directly." Bruce leaves for a moment then Hulk enters the room.

"Hi Hulk, did you hear what we want to do?"

"Yeah."

"It will be really hard for her but it should help her to be less scared later. Are you ok with us doing this?"

"Yeah."

"Are you willing to help?"

"Yeah, Hulk help."

Steve nods. "Thanks Hulk. I know Jamie feels safe with you and will likely want you with her."

Tony wonders, "Ok, well now that we have that settled, who's the lucky one to tell her?"

"I think we should all be there," Nat says much to Tony's disappointment.

I'm nervous. It's been a full day since my last CT scan, I don't want it to show anything unusual. _I do NOT want to have to go back to the infirmary, ever!_ Bruce said that everything else looks good so he doesn't think there will be a problem with the scan.

"Ready to go?" Bruce asks.

"No. You said things were looking good, do I really have to do this?"

"We just want to make sure, the scan allows us to do that."

I growl, "Fine, let's go. But, I'm not staying in the infirmary if there is a problem."

Bruce chuckles, wrapping his arm around me, "Come on."

The test goes just like Bruce said it would, no swelling and no bleeding. I am relieved beyond words. I hate feeling sick and I hate being in the infirmary. Bruce and I walk back to the living quarters together, my mood is visibly lighter. Bruce smiles as we chat. We enter the living room to find everyone else sitting around waiting for us. I eagerly announce, with a dramatic bow, that I do not have anything wrong with my brain. Everyone cheers. I take my place on an open seat on the couch, between Nat and Steve.

"We're all very happy to hear that your test went well and that you're fine. We were so worried about you," Steve says then gives me a hug.

I enjoy the attention but it feels weird in some way, I sense that something is wrong. "So, what's going on?" My tone is wary, feeling like something bad is about to happen.

Steve begins, "Well there is something that we wanted to talk to you about."

"Oh," I say, feeling worried. The sense of dread was warranted.

Steve explains cautiously, "You've had some strong reactions to some things that are related to some of the bad stuff that you've experienced."

Panic begins to brew just mentioning that those things exist mixed with the fear of whatever they're going to say next. "I'm sorry, I'll do better. Please don't get rid of me."

Steve is quick to interrupt me, "Slow down, no one wants you to leave. Your reactions aren't something that you have control over, you don't need to apologize. Ok? Everything is fine."

I take a few steadying breaths, trying to calm myself down.

"We don't want you to have to go through that every time you happen to come in contact with one of those items. What do you think?" Steve checks in with how I'm feeling so far.

"It would be nice to be ok; I don't like being scared," I admit, resentful that I have to talk about this at all.

"Well, after talking to Jen and doing some research, I think we've found a way to help," Steve pauses to gauge my reaction.

"A way to help? Like what?" I'm skeptical, knowing that it will most likely suck.

"There's something called systematic desensitization that helps to lessen fears of specific things by increasing your tolerance. So, we would identify some things that you need to be less affected by then we would gradually expose you to those things. We would do everything that you need to help you feel safer while we do this."

"So, I have to be around those things…on purpose?" I shriek, shocked that Steve would even ask me to do that.

"Yes, but just a little bit at a time and we would also do something to help you feel safer at the same time. It's called pairing. We would pair something that makes you feel safe with the triggers to make those items less scary."

"Or feeling less safe with the things that make me feel safer," I refute, mumbling under my breath. Tony raises an eyebrow, I know he thinks I'm onto something. Steve gives Tony a 'You're not helping' look before returning his attention to me.

"I don't want to do this," I plead, the idea of feeling scared a huge deterrent to any plan regardless of the potential benefits.

Clint intervenes, "Jamie, when you were at my house, you were having a great time with Laura until you saw the yardstick." I cringe thinking about the event, still feeling embarrassed by my reaction. "Then you were sort of stuck in that through the next day when you drew the picture."

I keep my head down hiding the few tears that escaped, upset with myself for drawing that picture, putting Lila at risk all the while not even realizing what I was doing. Clint moves to kneel right in front of me to be at eye level then guides my face to his with a slight touch under my chin.

"What Steve is suggesting might make it so that doesn't happen. You wouldn't have to be afraid that you might come in contact with something that will do that to you. Doesn't that make it worth it, to put in the work now so you can be free from that?" Clint presses.

I'm almost in tears. I nod, knowing Clint is right but hating it. Clint reaches over to give me a hug but I leap into his arms first, sadness from messing up at his house returning with vengeance, my body shaking with fear. Clint keeps his arms wrapped tightly around me until I calm down. Looking over at Steve, I offer a slight nod then return to Clint's arms, still feeling scared. Steve moves to sit next to me on the floor and puts his hand on my back. Initially, I flinch but then relax realizing its Steve. Steve is bothered by my reaction but stays with me.

Steve, Clint and Tony take turns snuggling me for the rest of the day and night with plans to start tomorrow after all of us meet with Jen to finalize the plans.


	42. Chapter 42

Chapter 42

Jen is supposed to arrive just after lunch at one o'clock. Steve tries a few times to encourage Jamie to eat by insisting that she stay in the dining area with everyone else, frequently offering different foods that he knows that she likes, without success. Jamie keeps her head down on the table insisting that she will vomit if she tries to eat something. Bruce frowns at her then looks at Steve after she refuses to eat or drink anything.

Bruce walks over to Steve then whispers, "Can we talk?"

Steve nods at Bruce then looks at Clint who moves to sit next to the sulking girl.

Bruce leads Steve just outside the living quarters to the oversized meeting room just off of the main entrance foyer.

Bruce warns, "We need to be careful how hard we push her. I don't know if you've noticed but she has lost a lot of weight since she was in the hospital right after her family died; she's under seventy-five pounds now; she should be at least eighty-five. She has become somewhat malnourished already and seeing her refuse to eat again just anticipating what we are going to do concerns me."

"Yes, I have noticed but I don't think that will get much better until she has been desensitized to the PTSD triggers. And, I agree we will have to be careful, very careful. If we do it right, and Jen's here to help us do it right, she will be in distress but it should be controlled. The feeling of safety should be equal to or greater than the fear."

"I will monitor her health closely while we do this and shut it down if there's too much risk," Bruce demands, firm in his conviction.

"I think that's a good idea. Are you still on board?" Steve questions.

"Yes, I am. I just wanted you to know about my medical concerns."

"Ok, thanks Bruce."

Steve reviews his plan for the program, outlining how he plans to slowly introduce a yardstick. _He actually thinks I will be able to hold the stick without being afraid. He's nuts._ Jen offers some suggestions but overall is impressed with Steve's plan. I'm not sure if I feel better that Jen said it's a good plan or not, I don't trust her yet. I still dread when she comes but I'm not sure if I don't like her or I just don't like the idea of talking about stuff.

"Jamie, how do you feel about doing this?" Jen tries to open a dialogue with me regarding the new plan.

I look down at my hands, trying to control my fear. "I don't want to do it but I think it will be better if I'm not scared anymore."

"It will be difficult but if you're too scared then something isn't being done right. You have people who will hold you to help you feel safer or do whatever to help if that isn't working. But the point is to go very slow, as slow as you need, so you are still ok. You will still feel scared but it shouldn't be so bad that you can't recover," Jen's explanation does little to help ease my fears.

I nod but I'm not sure how that's possible. I look over at Steve hoping he will change his mind. I look at Tony, expecting that he will step in, backing me up, but nothing…no one is willing to stop this. I feel defeated, _maybe this is what I get for being bad, maybe I deserve this for what I did to my family and for being so awful here._ Steve realizes what I'm thinking, I don't know how, maybe because he wants to punish me too. "Jamie, this isn't punishment."

"I know, it's fine, just do it already," I seethe, angry with him for doing this and for calling me out on my thoughts in front of everyone, in front of Jen.

"Jamie…"

"Do it!" I scream, breathing heavy as if I just ran a mile.

Steve sighs then looks at Jen for guidance.

"Don't look at her, just do it," I yell, feeling myself starting to cry.

Everyone is looking at me, I blush with anger and embarrassment. Reacting without thinking, I run to my room and into my closet, into my hiding spot under my hanging clothes. I curl up my legs so my knees are touching my chest, tucking my face into the crevice of my knees before tucking my arms between my stomach and thighs. I know someone will be coming soon, but I want them to forget that I exist.

A few minutes go by but so far I don't hear anyone. I look over to see Clint sitting cross-legged about five feet away from me. I'm not sure how he got in here without me noticing.

"Can I hold you?" Clint asks softly.

Pausing for a moment, feeling embarrassed and angry yet desperate for comfort, I nod then slowly move out from my hiding spot. Clint wraps his arms around me, strokes my hair, and rocks me back and forth slowly. I feel myself calming down some with Clint's soothing touch; I feel protected.

"You're not bad Jamie and you don't deserve to be punished. The things that your neighbor did to you are awful, that boy was awful. You are a victim; bad things were done to you." Clint says as tears begin to run down his face. "I'm so sorry that those things happened to you."

Clint catches me off guard. I want to be angry, I want to punish myself, but Clint…Clint isn't mad at me, he's upset that the boy hurt me. He's not mad at me for anything. I think for a while about what Clint said, allowing him to comfort me.

"Are you ready to go back out there?" Clint asks.

I don't respond.

"We don't want what that boy did to keep hurting you, keep making you scared. We don't want what that boy did to keep you from enjoying your life. This fear that you have keeps popping up but this can help with that. I don't want you to be afraid anymore baby girl," Clint pleads.

"Ok," I whisper, taking a deep breath in an attempt to control my fear.

Clint holds my hand while we walk back out to the living room. Steve checks in with me, "How are you doing?"

"I'm ok. I'm ready now."

Steve says, with arms open, "Come here."

I comply sitting next to Steve with his arms around me. Steve kisses the top of my head.

"I love you kiddo," Steve says then kisses my head again, "Ready?"

I take a deep breath then nod.

Steve tells me step-by-step what's happening. "Tony is going to show you the picture. He will only show you the picture for five seconds then he will put it away and we'll be done for a bit. Ready?"

My body braces for impact, my breathing becomes ragged, my muscles stiffen, my body begins to shake. I nod, going against every one of my instincts.

"Ok. Tony?" Steve signals that it's time to start.

Tony leans in, gives me a kiss on my forehead, "Love you baby girl," then moves back about five feet and pulls out the picture.

Immediately, I freeze, then Steve wraps his arms around me tighter. Five seconds feels like an eternity as flashes of the guard and the boy run through my mind. Tony promptly puts the picture away then scoops me up. I wrap my arms around his neck then tuck my face between his cheek and my arm. Tony keeps a protective hand on the back of my head.

"It's gone now, it's gone," Tony soothes then places several more kisses on my cheek.

Tony's cheek is wet with tears. He holds me tight then walks out of the living room into the kitchen removing me from the situation, resting my bottom on the counter, so he can look at my face without putting me down.

"Are you ok?" Tony asks holding my face in his hands.

I nod. "I'm ok. I was scared but I'm calming down now."

Tony is relieved. I think he felt guilty, as if he hurt me. Tony gives me another hug, taking a deep breath, calming himself down now that he sees I'm ok. Tony helps me down from the counter and we walk into the living room, me holding his hand.

With a big smile, Steve praises, "You did great, kiddo. I'm so proud of you."

"How many times do we have to do that?" I ask.

Steve looks at Jen who responds, "Well the more you do it the faster you will feel ok when you're around it. You should try to do it upwards of twenty more times today."

My eyes widen hearing her say 'twenty more.' I sigh, not wanting to do that over and over but it really wasn't as bad as I was afraid it was going to be.

Steve checks in with me, "Ready for another round?"

I look down, dreading this, but nod.

Steve has me sit on his lap and puts his arms around me tight. This time Clint shows me the picture. Again, my body responds but when Clint puts the picture away after five seconds it only takes a minute or so to recover. We run through the procedure several more times while Jen is still at the compound, everyone taking turns either holding me or showing me the picture. Every time, the picture is only out for five seconds and although my body still reacts at first, recovery is quicker and quicker.

Jen leaves with a few more instructions, "You can increase the time in five-second intervals (after she has ten consecutive trials of recovery that is less than thirty seconds long, meaning her physiology has returned to normal). Continue increasing in five-second intervals until you get to one minute. Then increase in fifteen-second intervals until you reach five minutes. Give her at least two minutes of calm before running another trial. We want to make sure that she has recovered completely before starting the next trial or the effects may be additive making it harder than we intend. When you reach five minutes, move one step closer to her but keep the time at five minutes. After ten consecutive trials, with recovery less than thirty seconds, you can move another step closer. After you are only one foot away from her she will need to hold the picture for five minutes.

Once she is successful with holding the picture you will begin running trials with the object. I will send over the instructions for that after we see how she does the rest of today."

Jen looks at me with a warm smile, "You really did do a great job with this. I know it's scary but you nailed it."

Jen says goodbye and Bruce escorts her back to the main entrance.

"Ready for another trial?" Steve asks.

I nod.

It's been a tough hour for me. The picture is now held five feet from me for fifteen seconds but I'm not recovering as quick anymore. Steve decides that we should take a break for a while, concerned about the additive effect that Jen mentioned.

I am snuggled up on Clint's lap when Steve suggests, "Let's get a snack."

"Go ahead, I'm not hungry."

Bruce looks over at Steve reminding him of his concern.

Steve crouches down in from of me, "Jamie, I believe that you're not hungry, but you need to eat something. It's not good for your body to go so long without food."

"If I eat now, I will throw up," I complain.

Steve looks at Bruce for guidance. Bruce interjects, "I can give you something to calm your stomach, would you like that?"

I nod.

Bruce leaves for about ten minutes then returns with a pill that I am supposed to let dissolve on my tongue. It only takes about ten minutes until I start to notice that my stomach is feeling somewhat better. While my stomach calms, Steve makes grilled cheese and tomato soup. I continue to snuggle on Clint's lap until I feel like eating, I don't mind drawing this break out for as long as I can.


	43. Chapter 43

Chapter 43

"How's she doing?" Tony asks Clint.

"Ok, I think. She seems calmer now. Hey, have you noticed that Jamie has lost some weight. She can't weigh much more than Lila now and she just turned seven."

Bruce grimaces, "Yeah, we've noticed. In fact, I talked to Steve about it earlier today. We have to be more forceful with making her eat. Did she say if the pill I gave her helped?"

"Yeah, she said that her stomach was starting to feel better."

"Well, I made her something that I know she loves to eat, and it's got lots of calories," Steve announces while dropping off a plate and bowl at Jamie's place at the table. "We should plan to have pizza for dinner, she loves that too."

Nat guides me to the table where I find food already waiting for me. It doesn't look appetizing at all.

Bruce, noticing the disgusted look on my face, instructs, "Jamie, you really need to try to eat that."

I sigh, the meal looking like far too much food.

"Drink?" Tony says, then hands me a glass of chocolate milk.

I take a few sips of milk then put the cup on the table. I pick up the sandwich, tear off a corner and dip it into the soup then take a small bite. Everyone is staring at me, watching me take a bite so I put down my food and start to push it away.

"Jamie, you have to eat more," Steve demands while tearing the sandwich into quarters. "Here…eat that piece."

I don't like being told to eat or having each bite monitored. So, I pick up the spoon and swallow a spoonful of soup instead of eating the sandwich. This is infuriating.

"Why is everyone watching me? It's weirding me out," I complain.

Everyone begins to try to look elsewhere. _I guess that's better._ I manage to eat the quarter of my sandwich and about half of the soup. Tony pushes the milk closer to me. I sigh but comply drinking about a third of the cup.

"Can I be done now?" I ask, almost begging.

Steve first looks at Bruce who nods then says, "Yeah, you can be done."

I notice the look between Steve and Bruce. T _hey are ganging up on me, again!_ I get up from the table and storm off. Steve follows, stopping me at the exit to the main entrance.

"What's going on?" Steve asks.

I growl, frustrated and angry, "Leave me alone."

"Did something happen?"

I stand with my arms crossed just staring at Steve with a scowl.

"Jamie."

"You guys are ganging up on me."

"With eating?"

"Yes!"

"I'm sorry, we don't mean to gang up on you, we just really need to make sure you are eating."

"Fine, whatever. Please leave me alone now."

Not only does Steve remain where he is standing but the others join us. This is infuriating. I slide down the door and sit curled up laying my head on my hands against my knees. This whole day has been awful. I'm so tired and all I've done is look at a stupid picture. I start to cry thinking about how much I've hated being me today. Steve puts a tentative arm around my shoulder testing my reaction. The gesture works, I lean into it so Steve scoops me onto his lap and holds me.

They wait another half hour before returning to the desensitization stuff. Clint holds me again, Nat showing me the picture. It's so much harder this time. Blood draining from my face, I immediately freeze, feeling myself losing touch as the memory flashes in my mind, flinching as the boy hits me in my mind. Someone is talking but the boy's words are louder, _'Are you allowed to move or to make noise?' Crack, crack, crack, crack, crack. 'Are you allowed to move or to make noise?' Crack, crack, crack, crack, crack._

Steve is nearby, gently touching my cheek, bringing me back to the present, "Jamie. Jamie, look at me." As I begin to notice my surroundings, Steve smiles as relief washes over him now that I am more aware of him, "Jamie, can you talk?"

I look away, not responding.

Clint repositions me so I am curled up against his chest, one arm wrapped around me and with the other hand, Clint strokes my hair. "It's ok baby girl. You're ok."

Steve calls Jen for some guidance while the team eagerly waits to hear what Jen recommended.

Steve explains, "Jen said we should go back a few levels when we first start up again but build back up faster with two or three trials at each of the lower levels. She also said to put more time in between trials to give Jamie more time to recover." The team is satisfied that there's a solution.

We take a long break, allowing me to not only recover but to have some fun too. Steve and I play video games in my room for a bit until Clint returns with pizzas for dinner. I am more eager to eat this time. After dinner, Steve suggests ice cream for a special treat, so I eat a bowl of chocolate ice cream with sprinkles.

The plan is to run more trials now that we are done eating. Clint wants to hold me again, maybe because it didn't go so well last time so I climb up onto his lap sitting sideways snuggling into his chest. Steve gets ready to show me the picture, the job that no one wanted to do, "I'm only going to hold the picture up for five seconds then it will be gone. Ready?"

I nod. Clint also responds by holding me tighter, placing a kiss on my head.

Steve holds up the picture, my body immediately reacts stiffening but as soon as the picture is removed, I start to relax. _This might actually work._ We run through several more trials quickly moving back up but getting stuck again at fifteen seconds. Clint agrees to continue holding me at my request, but different people hold up the card. It's definitely getting harder to keep myself under control and I don't feel like I'm completely ok anymore.

"Can we stop now," I plead, still feeling scared several minutes after the latest trial.

Steve comes over to me placing his hand on my cheek. "Yes, we can stop for today," Steve soothes. "Oh, and we picked up some crayons and some paper for you. I think it would be good for you to draw how you're feeling, just like the picture that you drew while we were at Clint's."

"You think that's a good thing?" I ask incredulously.

"Yes, I do," Steve defends, "It's important for you to express what you're thinking and feeling. With words being harder for you, drawing is a great alternative."

Although Clint continued to snuggle me on his lap for a long time, I can't seem to convince my body that I'm ok. Clint continues to rub my back and arm and stroke my hair but is concerned that I haven't returned to normal yet. "Hey Bruce," Clint calls.

Bruce comes over to us and places his hand on my shoulder noticing that I am still shaking some and my heart is thumping. "Jamie, how are you feeling?"

"Ok, just a little shaky."

"Yeah, I can see that." Bruce says, making a joke but the humor not reaching his eyes. "I think we should go to the infirmary to check you out."

"No!" I scream, immediately in full panic mode jumping out of Clint's lap, backing up to a corner where I curl up to be as small as possible.

Steve, Tony, and Nat hear the commotion, running into the room to see what's going on. Everyone positions themselves so they are lower to the ground reflecting my posture to appear less threatening. Steve looks over at Bruce to find out what happened. Bruce quietly fills him in on the details, "She hasn't calmed down yet from the last trial. I suggested going to the infirmary to get checked."

Steve nods, understanding the situation. "Can I sit next to you?" Steve presses softly.

Although he moves cautiously, Steve's movement startles me causing me to flinch. Steve immediately halts in response to my fear then looks at the others for suggestions. Bruce points to himself, meaning the Hulk. Steve nods knowing Hulk has the best chance at helping me to calm down. Bruce slowly backs away then changes to Hulk.

A minute later, I hear Hulk's deep, rough voice. He slowly moves closer to me, holding out his hands offering to comfort me. In that moment, all I want is Hulk, like his presence alone is as essential as air, my arms reach out, allowing him to pick me up. Hulk brings me into a hug, with my arms around his neck and my head lying on his shoulder, my face tucked up against his neck. Hulk gently rubs my back, calming my body.

Steve approaches slowly, "Are you ready to talk?"

I squeeze Hulk tighter not wanting to talk about anything, but Hulk interjects, "Jamie talk."

I loosen my grip, feeling defeated, even Hulk is going to make me talk. He puts me down on his lap facing outward; I'm grateful that he continues to hold me but I keep my head down, not wanting to look at anyone.

"Jamie talk," Hulk commands.

Overwhelmed with the constant barrage of fear today, their demand that I talk is too much. Before Hulk tells me to talk again, I try to take refuge in my room but Steve stops me after only a few steps.

"Please don't stop me right now, please," I am nearly in tears, desperate for a break, "I need some time, please."

"Ok, but I want to come with you."

I nod. Steve and I go to my room, where I make a beeline for my bed, climbing under the covers and pulling them up over my head. Steve sits on the edge of my bed with one hand on my leg just below my knee. He waits in silence for when I'm ready. When I've recovered enough, I pull down the covers from over my head, noticing it is no longer light outside.

Steve asks, "Feeling better?"

I nod, still preferring to remain silent.

"I want you to talk about what's going on."

I shake my head, a few tears beginning to run down my cheeks.

"How about you draw what you're feeling instead?"

The last time I had paper and crayons didn't turn out so well, but then again, Steve said that it was good for me. I sit up in my bed and nod, _drawing is better than talking_. Taking a deep breath, I sit at my desk where Steve set up the paper and crayons. My heart races as I look down at the inconspicuous paper, knowing just how wrong this can turn out.

"Just draw whatever you want."

I nod then watch as Steve goes to the hallway giving me some space. _I'm sure he's right outside my door_ , the thought causing me to sigh heavily.

My mind races while looking at the paper, trying to imagine what's hidden there underneath the empty whiteness of the paper. Emotions stir inside of me but I don't know what it is. Perhaps the box of crayons will hold the answer. I look through the rainbow of colors trying to find the one that seems to match whatever is going on inside my heart. I pull a green crayon, _no that's not right_. I pick a blue one, _no, too serene_. I try an orange but that _feels too tame_. I pull a red. _Yes, I think I'm feeling red_. I'm not sure what I am going to draw but I put the tip of the crayon on the paper and begin to drag it across the paper. I have a burst of rage that is translated onto the page, with wild, dark, sharp lines. It's missing something…it's missing the darkness. I look through the box to find the black crayon then add it to the red. A face, there should be a face in the middle of the red. I use the black crayon to make the eyes and mouth using short dark lines. I draw myself in the corner of the page, small, naked, tied up, crying, with eyes full of fear.

I look at my picture, feeling small, vulnerable, exposed. I angrily ball up my artwork and throw it across the room then swipe the paper and crayons off of the desk. Tears stream down my face as my rage boils over. I pick up my chair and throw it against the wall then reach for the desk. As my hands contact the wooden surface, strong arms wrap around my chest, restraining me. I scream, fighting against the hold, swinging and kicking, wrenching my whole body trying to free myself of its grasp. I scream again feeling myself being dragged to the bed. "No!" _Don't hurt me, please_. I beg silently knowing the rules. Unable to move my arms or to stop this, I disconnect, no longer feeling my body only my mind, saying over and over 'Are _you allowed to move? Are you allowed to make noise? Are you allowed to move? Are you allowed to make noise?'_

An urgent voice calls from far away, "You're safe."

 _Steve?_ I start to cry. _Don't hurt me please, don't hurt me. I won't move, I won't talk._

"Jamie, you are safe."

 _Clint?_

"Calm down, you're ok. No one is going to hurt you."

 _Tony?_

"Breathe Jamie, breathe. You're ok."

 _Steve?_

My body reacts to the familiar safe voices allowing me to feel my body again. Stealing a peek through tear-soaked eye lashes I see Clint and Tony. Tony is holding the picture that I drew watching me, his eyes filled with sadness and anger, then looks at the picture again. "I am so sorry baby girl. I hate that someone did this to you. I hate that boy," Tony laments, seeing the pain normally tucked away inside of me, strewn across the page in my red and black drawing.

The grip on my arms loosens and is adjusted into a hug. Steve talks to me, from behind, "We love you baby girl. We love you so much. We won't let anyone hurt you. You're safe."

I close my eyes soaking in the love that these people freely give me. I do feel safe, with them by my side, knowing they will protect me. My body comes down from its rampage, filled once again with remorse for making a mess and causing a problem.

"You don't have to be sorry. You didn't do anything wrong," Clint comforts me, not wanting guilt to be added to the mix.

"I'm calm now," I say feeling a little embarrassed having everyone in here restraining me or talking to me or both, sincerely wishing they would leave me alone. They seem to sense how I'm feeling because everyone except Steve leaves my room.

"You should keep drawing," Steve encourages.

"What? You're kidding. Did you not just see all of that?"

"Yes, I saw you expressing your feelings which is a good thing. I'm not sure how you could express strong emotions with just words, drawing helps you to get it out, it gets the ball rolling," Steve explains while rubbing soothing circles on my back.

"I'm really tired, I want to go to bed now," I ask glumly with my head down, wanting this day to be over.

"Ok. Do you want to sleep in your bed tonight or on the couch snuggling?" Steve offers me the choice.

"I want to sleep in bed," I answer still hoping for some time alone.

"Who would you like to stay with you?"

I sigh, but then remember Clint is still here, "Is Clint going home tonight?"

Clint peeks his head around the frame of where my door once stood. "I'm staying here tonight."

I smile, "I want Clint to stay with me."

Clint's grin makes me feel special. "I'll be right back."

Steve stays with me while Clint gets ready. Nat comes in briefly so I can use the bathroom, change into pajamas and brush my teeth. Within a few minutes, I am in bed, holding my teddy bear, leaving enough room for Clint who gets comfy on the edge of my bed before lifting up his arm so I can lie against his chest. Once I settle in, Clint rests his arm on my shoulder. With his other hand he clears a few wayward strands of hair from my face then cradles my head while placing gentle kisses on my forehead. "Goodnight baby girl, I love you."

"Goodnight." I close my eyes and quickly fall asleep, feeling loved.

 **A/N**

 **Question: Is my writing too technical with the desensitization trials? Let me know what you think so. Thanks all.**


	44. Chapter 44

Chapter 44

Very early the next morning, I startle awake, unsure of what's going on or where I am. The content of my dream left me as soon as my eyes opened but the feelings of fear and despair linger.

My head automatically turns in the direction of a concerned voice, "Are you ok?"

Clint is sitting in the reclining chair that Tony added to my room. I'm too scared to talk so I just nod but am unsure if he can see my response in the dark.

I still feel a little shaky from my bad dream but I'm starting to recover. I lie back trying to get settled again so I can go back to sleep.

"Want me to snuggle you again?"

I nod, still feeling scared.

Clint joins me on the bed, propping himself up along my headboard allowing me to snuggle up against him like I did last night. He rubs my shoulder and kisses the top of my head. I fall back asleep within a few minutes feeling safer and comforted with Clint holding me.

The warm sunlight shines on my face making me blink several times when I try to open my eyes, as Nat opens up my blinds.

"Good morning kiddo, it's about time that you wake up," Nat hums adjusting my blinds.

I groan, I don't want to get out of bed today or ever again. I'm sure they will want to do more of the desensitizing torture. I throw the covers over my head, closing my eyes, planning to go back to sleep. "Five more minutes," I plead.

Nat rips the covers off of me then pulls on my arm. I play the role of rag doll hoping Nat will give up. Nope, she just picks me up and sets me on my feet, lacing her arm through mine while pushing across my shoulder blades, my traitorous legs respond by holding me up while walking. _Ugh!_ "Come on, bathroom. You need a shower."

 _Hmm, maybe I can stretch out the shower for an hour or more._

Nat keeps me moving, handing me the shampoo bottle, giving the instruction to rinse; handing me the conditioner, giving the instruction to rinse; giving me a loofa that already has body wash on it, telling me to scrub, then to rinse.

"Why are we in a hurry?" I sulk disappointed that I haven't been able to squeak out even an extra minute.

"Clint is waiting to have breakfast with you. He's hungry," Nat insists but I know that's not really why she is making me do all of this so fast.

Before long I am clean, dressed and in the kitchen with a bowl of cereal in front of me. I look at the bowl as if it was a bowl of worms; I am too anxious to eat. I start to get up from the breakfast bar but Clint stops me. Immediately confronting me with a stern voice, "You need to eat."

"I don't want to," I complain, anger beginning to boil inside of me.

Although taking a sympathetic tone, Clint doesn't yield, "Your body needs food to live, you need to eat that or pick something else."

Laying my head down on the countertop, I feel tears start to sting my eyes but my emotional energy is transformed into defiance. _They can stop me from leaving my seat but they can't make me eat._

Bruce moves to stand in front of me. "Jamie, you have to get food in you. If you're not going to eat then we will have to start an IV and feed you through your arm."

I look at Bruce horrified, fear creeping in with his words. _Would he really do that to me?_ He looks serious. I try the upset stomach route. "My stomach feels sick."

Bruce hands me another stomach pill. I take it, maybe this will help enough to make me want to eat. After about ten minutes, it has helped some so I try to eat but only manage two bites before shoving the bowl away. Bruce is still watching me.

"You need to eat more than that, at least ten more bites."

"No!" I angrily cross my arms, refusing to eat anymore.

"Jamie, you need food. I really don't want to have to take you to the infirmary for an IV."

 _Hmm, the infirmary, then they can't do the picture thing._ "I'm…not…eating!" I yell, enunciating each word.

Bruce looks passed me. Following Bruce's gaze, I turn to see Steve about five feet behind me. _I don't want to have to eat, I don't want to do the picture thing and I don't want Steve to make me do either._

Steve looks at the rest of the team, "We need to talk. FRIDAY, will you please ask Vision to come to the kitchen."

I groan, dropping my head on my arm, resting on the counter, tired of having a babysitter, especially Vision. Less than a minute later, Vision enters the kitchen. "Will you stay with Jamie for a few minutes?" Steve asks the unwelcomed visitor.

"Of course, sir."

This is the first time that Steve's called a time out; I don't know what to make of it. Thunderstruck, I watch as everyone gets up and leaves the room.

"How are you today Jamie?" Vision asks innocently.

"Fine," I grumble then cross my arms.

Steve leads everyone to the meeting room right outside the living quarters.

"I know she needs to eat but I'm not sure threatening her with a trip to the infirmary is the way to go about it. You know that she hates being there but she was willing to push it risking a trip to the infirmary just to avoid eating her favorite cereal. Why? I believe that she would rather not eat but I think her main goal is to try to get out of running more desensitization trials. I don't want her to purposely avoid eating so she can get out of it, that'll just make the food problem even worse."

Bruce nods, "I agree so how do we get her to do both?"

"Why not just move on, start the desensitization trials then when we're done, have her eat. Then, if she still doesn't eat, we can go the medical route. It's only a handful of hours longer without eating. The problem may work itself out," Nat suggests.

"Nat has a point, I think we should tell her she will have to eat at least one meal today or she will have to spend the evening in the infirmary," Clint adds.

"Bruce?" Steve checks in with the resident doctor.

"I hate to let eating go even longer with how malnourished she has become but I think it's the only way to prevent her from refusing to eat long-term."

"Ok Jamie, we talked about it. If you're not hungry right now that's fine. We will go ahead with our other plans. If by the end of the day you haven't eaten enough, we will have to go to the infirmary for an IV. Sound good?" Steve asks.

I am so mad right now. I refuse to respond.

"I have a feeling there are some things you want to say to us," Steve remarks.

Everyone stands around the breakfast bar waiting for me to talk. I can't stand this. I get up from my seat and walk into the living room to get away from them, flopping down on the couch. Everyone else follows taking up positions for the talking circle. I'm not sure how I didn't see that coming. Steve and Clint sit on either side of me on the couch and Bruce, Nat and Tony sit in chairs right in front of me.

I curl my legs up against my chest, feeling scared, "I don't have anything to say to anyone," I grunt indignantly.

"Alright, then let's go ahead and begin running trials. Jamie, who would you like to snuggle with you first?" Steve asks me.

I guess this is happening. I hold back tears not wanting Steve to push the talking circle so I reluctantly answer, "Clint."

"Ok, I will show you the picture. We are starting at five seconds again and will stay there much longer, until you no longer feel scared. Sound good?"

"Until I no longer feel scared? How is that even possible?" I scrutinize, my words laced with anger, but wondering if Steve could be right.

"With systematic desensitization, you should be able to have less and less fear, maybe none," Steve explains, hoping to encourage me to continue trying.

"Ok," I say looking down.

"Ready?" Clint asks.

I nod with a heavy sigh, dreading the next couple of hours.

Steve pulls out the picture revealing the awful image, I freeze, my heart pounding. Clint wraps his arms around me tight, keeping a hold on me as fear rips through my body. As promised, Steve puts the picture away after five seconds.

Clint comforts me, "You're alright baby girl, you're safe."

I feel my body calming after a few minutes.

"How are you doing?" Steve asks.

"Ok."

"Ready to go again?"

I nod.

Clint puts his arms around me, adjusting me so I am sitting with my head laying on his chest protectively. "Let's wait a few more minutes, she's still shaky."

Bruce is concerned. He feels my forehead, then pulls down on the skin under my eyes.

"Stop," I say while shaking my head to get him to stop messing with me.

"Do you feel lightheaded or weak?" Bruce asks.

"Yeah," I whine.

Bruce sighs, "Do you still feel scared?"

I shake my head.

"Ok, good. I think we can keep going," Bruce says, obviously concerned but still makes me do more.

"Nat will you run this one?"

Nat nods, takes the picture, then turns her attention to me. "Ready?"

I sigh then nod.

I keep the same position laying my head on Clint's chest while Nat shows me the picture.

This time is better, I don't feel as scared but I'm still shaky.

"Can we chat for a sec?" Bruce whispers to Steve then leads him out of the living room. "She's still shaking because her body's malnourished. She needs to eat."

"Is it safe for her to go at least until lunch?" Steve asks.

"She'll probably be ok for another hour or so but she's close to passing out, if she starts to complain about her vision we will need to do something right away."

Steve sighs, "Ok, let's break for lunch early."

Steve and Bruce head back to the living room then Steve announces, "Lunch time."

"Lunch? It's only eleven o'clock," I whine, not wanting to fight about food yet.

"I know but I'm hungry. What do you want for lunch?" Steve redirects.

I curl up against Clint's chest again trying to avoid Steve's question. _I don't want to eat right now._

"Jamie, you have to eat. Even if you don't want to eat, your body needs it," Clint soothes, concerned about me.

"I'm not eating and I'm not hungry," I argue defiantly.

Steve holds my arms just below my shoulders to gain and hold my attention. "Jamie, you are shaking. You're shaking because your body needs food. It's dangerous to go long without eating, you can get sick or even die."

"Die?" I squirm with alarm.

"Yes. Ready to eat?"

I think for a moment, not willing to give in.

"Jamie?"

I stand up from sitting on Clint's lap and head toward my room.

Steve grabs my arm before I get more than a few steps in front of him. "Jamie, right now you have to decide if you're eating food or going to the infirmary."

I yank my arm away from Steve, "I don't have to do anything!"

Steve laces one hand around my bicep being careful with my cast and the other arm wraps around my back then holds my arm just above my wrist and begins walking to the infirmary. I fight, kick and wrench my body trying to get free. With the extra energy exerted, I start to feel lightheaded and my vision gets blotchy then everything goes black.

I wake up in the infirmary and look around noting the IV in my arm connected to a tube that is hooked up to a bag of light brown liquid and a bag of clear liquid. I'm furious, I reach over to the IV to rip it out but Bruce grabs my arm. Hulk's green eyes on Bruce's face warn me to stop. The sight scares me when I realize that Hulk is mad at me.

"If you pull that out I will strap you to the bed and restart the IV. Understand?" Bruce threatens, looking just as angry as Hulk, maintaining his gaze on me until I respond.

I agree to leave it alone then look away. Everything feels so out of control. I start to cry, wishing I had died. Steve is sitting on the chair about five feet away from my bed and Clint is standing just beyond the bottom of the bed. I can see Nat now talking to Bruce by the nurse's station but I don't know where Tony is. Everyone is staying away from me making me feel even worse. I lay my head back resigned to my fate. After about twenty minutes Bruce comes back and changes the IV bag then leaves again without saying anything.

I don't know if everyone is mad at me or if they are done with me. _Yeah, I'm sure that's it, they don't want me anymore. Why are they even in here at all?_ I grow more and more upset, hating myself for messing this up, angry that I don't have any control over anything at all not even what food I eat, mad at everyone for making me feel scared all day yesterday and planning to do it every day from now on. I cry harder, wishing everyone would leave. Steve moves closer in response to my crying, reaching over to take my hand. Steve quickly glances over at Clint then back to my hand, Clint responds by taking a seat on the other side of my bed. I shift uncomfortably as they take some pre-determined posture, for what, I'm not sure. Clint also reaches for my hand. I try to pull away both hands but Steve hangs onto his and Clint goes after the other. Again, defeated, I allow them to hold my hands.

"You didn't give us much choice, you passed out on the way here. One way or another your body needs food to live, so no matter how mad you get with us we will continue to feed you this way when you refuse to eat," Steve scolds.

"What? I thought…" I begin to talk but decide to stop, feeling ashamed.

"What…what did you think?"

"I was really bad and no one was talking to me. I thought you wanted me to leave," I murmur.

"Jamie…you belong here. We are your family now, regardless of what you do or say. We love you," Clint says, surprised that I expected to be given away.

Steve wants to get to the bottom of what's going on with my behavior. "Why did you refuse to eat?"

"My stomach has been feeling sick," I say in my defense.

"Right, but Bruce gave you a pill to calm your stomach. You still refused to eat," Clint refutes my argument.

"I…" I sigh knowing I might as well talk about it, "…I felt…" I growl, frustrated and embarrassed, "…everything has been happening to me, I liked being able to say 'no.' Then, Bruce said that I had to or else."

Steve thinks for a moment, "So, saying 'no' to eating gave you something in your life to have control over?"

"Yeah, I guess so. But mostly just yesterday and today, I don't normally feel that way. I usually do feel a little queasy, especially when I'm upset or worried about something," I explain the best I can, not fully understanding why I do the things that I do.

"We can work on giving you more choices, but there are some things that you just have to do, like eat. There are things that you have to do but can have some say on how. We have to do the desensitization trials because that will help you to have a better life. However, you can ask for things like who will snuggle you or you can suggest a different way to help you feel safe. For now, we still need someone to be with you at all times, but it won't always be like that. You were able to tell me that you don't want to go to school, that you would rather be homeschooled, but you still need to be educated. Understand? We do try to give you choices and we want to know your opinion on everything but there are times when you will have to do something that you don't want to do because it's something that you need," Steve describes my situation, pointing out how they are trying to include me.

Bruce comes into the room briefly checks the IV bags then turns his attention to me. "How are you feeling?"

"Ok," I say not wanting to make eye contact with him or Hulk.

"I'm sorry I was harsh. I was worried about you and scared because you were refusing to eat," Bruce explains. "Hulk was also worried about you".

"Hulk was mad," I rebut, feeling ashamed and a little scared.

"I'm not sure how you know that but, yes, he was mad. You were hurting yourself, not letting anyone help."

"So, he doesn't hate me now?" I ask, bordering on tears.

"No Jamie, he still loves you the same as before. That won't change." Bruce makes an odd face then says, "Hulk really wants to hold you later when you're done here."

I smile, "Ok."

"The bags are almost finished. So, we should be able to leave here in about ten minutes."

"I don't understand why you guys haven't given up yet. I know it's hard to be around me, I make everyone miserable. And you don't have to, you can take me back to the social worker whenever you want. So, why haven't you?"

Everyone looks at each other briefly then Clint begins, "I wouldn't give up on any of my kids, you are one of my kids. Giving up doesn't even cross my mind. I love you, you are my daughter. That's all there is to it."

Steve interjects, "And you're not hard to love, not at all. We all enjoy hanging out with you. You have a fun, witty personality. You're smart and kind, and amazingly you seem to love hanging out with us too."

"You say that I'm your daughter. But I'm not, not really. You are my guardians that's all, meaning you can give me away whenever you want."

Clint thinks for a moment, then decides to speak, "My parents died when I was little, my brother and I lived in an orphanage until we ran away when we were teenagers; we took care of each other. I always wanted a family, a mom and dad. I want that for you. Laura and I both really want that for you. We all do. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

I look at Clint trying to understand how his story means that he sees me as his kid. Clint looks over at Steve who nods.

"What?" I ask, alarmed, looking back and forth between Steve and Clint. Steve signals to Nat, Tony, and Bruce to come into the room as well.

Once everyone is inside, Clint continues, "Jamie, we've all been talking lately about you, about what your future might look like. We want you to have a family, forever. We don't want you to doubt your place in our lives. We all want to adopt you."

"What…What do you mean?"

Tony interjects, "We weren't sure how it would work but it's not unheard of for multiple people to adopt a child. We've talked to a lawyer and we believe that all six of us can adopt you, if you want, of course. If you don't, then we will remain your guardians. Nothing would change, you would continue to live here with us, we would all have a part in caring for you, either way, we will still see you as our daughter."

"I want to be adopted," I quickly admit, feeling happy and yet oddly guilty for feeling happy.

Everyone smiles, giving me hugs and kisses, telling me they love me. The feeling of love and acceptance is overwhelming. Considering where I am and why, considering all of the lost sleep and all of the anxiety and sadness, they still want me, forever. _Crazy._

Bruce removes the IV and gets me ready to leave the infirmary. We all walk back to the living quarters together, as a family. Tony suggests that we all have ice cream sundaes to celebrate. I willingly enjoy one too.


	45. Chapter 45

Chapter 45

The next day, we all meet for breakfast with plans to do more desensitization trials. Clint has our breakfast already set out for us at the breakfast bar. The others are already eating and drinking their morning coffee.

"How are you feeling, kiddo?" Clint asks, Bruce listening carefully to my response.

"Ok, I'm anxious about the picture thing."

Bruce interrupts, "Do you want another pill to calm your stomach?"

I nod then accept the tiny pill putting it on my tongue to dissolve. I wait for a few minutes then take a cautious bite of cereal. My stomach churns so I wait a few more minutes before trying food again. Bruce sees that I'm trying so he doesn't say anything about eating.

"Jamie, do you have any ideas for things we can do during the desensitization trials that usually helps you feel safe?" Steve asks, trying to give me more choices, more of a say in things that happen.

"Well, it might help to have unrelated fun stuff to do and even being in the living room now, I start to feel a little scared so maybe doing this in different places, like at the lake or in the game room, or something. I was thinking that maybe I should have something else with me instead of just people. Does that make sense? Like little kids with a blankie, maybe there is something along those lines that I could have with me. Not a blankie just to be clear."

"Great ideas. Let's run some trials today in the game room and we can play air hockey between trials. As far as having something to keep with you, I will have to think about that. Let me know if you have any ideas."

"Ok."

My stomach is already feeling so much better, I try a few more bites of cereal which stimulates my hunger so I finish the bowl of cereal and drink the cinnamon sugar flavored milk. Bruce smiles then kisses my cheek while standing behind me. I smile knowing that I made Bruce and probably Hulk happy.

We all head to the game room after breakfast, starting by playing a round of air hockey before Steve declares it is time to begin. I sit sideways on Steve's lap with my head resting against his chest while Clint shows me the picture for five seconds. Initially, I feel my muscles tighten but they relax shortly after the picture is removed. We run about fifteen trials over the next hour and a half playing air hockey, pinball, or Skee-ball in between. My body has been able to calm down within five seconds or less most of the time and a few times I barely noticed any fear during the trial.

"I think we can move to ten seconds now," I suggest feeling brave from the success so far today.

Steve isn't sure that we should but wants to give me some control so he agrees to increase the time. Steve continues to hold me and but this time Tony shows me the picture. I still have the initial reaction but by the end of the ten seconds, I am already recovering. We continue this process for another hour then break for lunch. I am so impressed with how much easier this is today compared to the last two days.

For lunch, Steve makes me a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup. I actually feel hungry this time so I eat the entire sandwich and the bowl of soup. The afternoon runs smoothly like the morning. Tony takes a few turns holding me and playing a video game that he designed, a real-life simulation of flying around as Ironman. I laugh, wondering why Tony would want to make this game instead of just going for a spin in one of his suits. I consider how it might be different from the game.

"I want to fly around like this in one of your suits someday," I comment while taking my turn flying the suit on the screen.

"We could definitely do that someday. What else would you like to try?" Tony asks, curious.

"Well, I want to go to cool places like Europe, Japan, Australia and Disney World."

Tony chuckles when I mention the last place, "Disney World ranks with Europe, Japan and Australia?"

"I've heard it's awesome but I've never been there. I want to see what all the hype is about."

"Ok, what else?"

"Hmm, well, I want to spend a night in an observatory, a big one like Griffith, or maybe go to Hayden Planetarium."

"So, you find astronomy interesting?"

"Don't you? And I think it's more than just astronomy, I would like to learn more about astrophysics."

"Ok, sounds good," Tony enjoys the new tidbits about me.

Steve suggests another trial. The picture is out for ten seconds and I barely notice any response from my body. "Can we move up to fifteen seconds now?" I ask feeling more confident.

Steve checks in, "You appeared to stay calm, is that right?"

"Yeah, I notice the initial reaction but then it starts to go away while the picture is still up."

"Great. Ok, let's move up to fifteen seconds."

Steve starts off this trial by holding me and Nat holds up the picture. Like the other times that I reached this benchmark, it's much harder. I wonder if I'm psyching myself out because the initial reaction was also stronger. I made it through the fifteen seconds but recovery is taking longer. Tony suggests going back down to ten seconds but I want to keep it at fifteen for a few more trials. Steve plays with me for several extra minutes before we return for another trial. This time the trial runs much smoother, with the initial reaction then my body relaxing over the remaining twelve seconds or so. I'm starting to think that this may actually work.

Steve suggests that we break until after dinner then we all hang out playing Skee-ball before we head back to the living quarters. "How are you doing?" Steve asks, looking over at me, assessing my emotions.

"I'm ok. It really wasn't so bad today."

Steve smiles, "Good I'm happy to hear it."

"Can we snuggle on the couch until it's time to eat?"

Steve wraps his arm around me, "Sure thing." He sits down on the couch then I plop down next to him, grabbing a couch pillow to hug, then lean up against Steve's chest with his arm around my shoulder. This is one of my favorite places to be.

About forty-five minutes later, Tony announces that it's time to eat. So, Steve and I join everyone else already sitting around the table. We pass bowls of food around and there is some conversation going on. I sit back and watch my new family, wondering how I got so lucky to be the daughter of all of these people. _They each have their thing, their role in my life, their specialty, I guess, but they are all needed_. _What if being an Avenger means they wouldn't be good parents? They could be killed or have to leave for long periods of time then who would take care of me?_

"You ok kiddo?" Tony asks watching the range of emotions cross my face.

I nod then take another bite of food, feeling a little embarrassed that I was caught thinking about things.

"What are you thinking about?" Nat asks, seeing right through me.

Everyone is looking at me, waiting for my response. Unconsciously, I look down at my hands, already feeling defeated knowing they will make me sit on the stupid couch in their stupid talking circle. I hate that. I just can't seem to put my thoughts into words, not willing to speak them aloud. _What if they agree that it would be a problem so they decide not to adopt me but to send me away instead?_

I get up to leave the table and just start to turn the corner to leave the room when a man steps in front of me stopping me in my tracks, his presence is intimidating, tall, broad shoulders, with a fierce look on his face, not to mention the eye patch. I can't tell if this man is dangerous or not, but I can sense he hides things from people. I take a few steps back until I am up against the breakfast bar, then look over at Steve to see if everything is ok.

Steve meets me where I stand frozen putting his hand on my shoulder and gives me a reassuring squeeze, "This is Nick Fury, he's a friend."

I look back at the man, unsure of Steve's 'friend' remark.

"You must be Jamie. I've heard a lot about you," Nick comments, watching me carefully.

I'm annoyed, wondering why they feel the need to tell everyone about me but they don't tell me about everyone else. "Funny, I haven't heard anything about you," my tone revealing my fear and anger.

Nick chuckles pointing at me while looking at my parents, "I like this girl."

Tony adds, "Jamie, Nick used to be the director of an organization called SHIELD, that's where we all met, first working together under Nick."

I nod without looking away from the intruder, still unsure of this person who is invading my safe place.

"Nick would like to talk to you about Cross," Steve remarks carefully.

I move a few steps away from them, fear striking again, but unexpected this time unlike our desensitization trials. Nick is watching me carefully, assessing me.

"Has he been checked?" My voice is shaky and curt, briefly looking over at Bruce then back to Nick.

"Yes, everyone is checked," Bruce answers softly.

I notice that everyone is moving into their concerned postures as if caring for a scared, wounded animal and blocking my path to leave. I feel trapped, backed into the kitchen without an escape route. Without thinking, I begin to push against my protective layer, causing items in the room to quake as gusts of wind emanate from my body. Nick continues to observe as if studying me.

Steve yells, "Nick, wait for us in the living room."

Nick begins to comply but doesn't take his eye off of me as he backs away nor does he completely leave. I push harder, wanting to make him go away. I feel blood drip from my nose and I feel a little dizzy.

Steve yells again, "Nick!" Then, slowly walks over to me, "Jamie, everything is ok, you're ok. No one is going to hurt you." Steve reaches me putting his hands on my arms just below my shoulders. "Jamie, stop." I don't respond so Steve wraps his arms around me hoping that the security I usually find with him will help me to calm down. It works, I slide down to the floor allowing Steve to hold me, helping me to feel safe and the protective layer to be guided back into place. Steve continues to hold me while the shaking lessens and my breathing slowly returns to normal. I peek around Steve, watching that man watching me. Steve sighs, "Nick will you get out of here!" Steve turns his attention to the closest person to Nick, "Tony!"

Tony escorts Nick away from the living quarters, leaving Steve, Nat, Bruce and Clint to work with me. "Jamie, we need to talk," Steve says.

Fear strikes through me as I realize what happened, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, it just happened, I'm sorry. Please don't get rid of me," I plead, trying to convince them to keep me even though I was bad.

"Jamie, I'm not mad at you. You didn't do anything wrong. Everything is ok, I promise. We aren't going to get rid of you," Steve says trying to relieve my fears but he can see in my eyes that I don't believe him. Steve repositions himself so he is sitting on the floor leaning against a cabinet then brings me onto his lap, placing my head against his chest. "You are not in trouble. We love you. Nothing has changed. Ok?" I nod feeling better sitting on Steve's lap and hearing that he still loves me.

Steve tries to explain, "Listen, Nick wants to talk to you about Cross." I immediately tense again, the fear gripping me once again but Steve continues hoping to convince me to try. "He wants to learn as much as he can so he can make sure that Cross can't hurt anybody ever again. Nick is a friend of ours so we trust him not to hurt you and he has been cleared through Bruce's test. Ok?"

I nod. "I don't like him. He looks at me like I'm a science experiment."

Steve sighs knowing the feeling, "Nick is trying to learn how you were able to deflect Cross's power. He needs to know how you did that so he can try to use that to keep Cross from hurting other people. Nick knows who you are, that your mind can protect you, and he knows what's been done to you. That's why he is here, he's going to help us protect you and everyone else."

"Why didn't you tell me he was coming? It would have helped to be prepared for this," I complain.

Steve answers, "We didn't want you to worry, but I can see that finding out this way was much worse. I'm sorry."

"Will you stay with me?" I ask, confident that Steve will say yes.

Steve nods then gives me a squeeze and kisses the top of my head.

Nick takes a seat at the large meeting room table. Tony offers Nick a drink then sits in a chair nearby. "Sorry about that. Jamie has PTSD. She has some strong reactions when she's scared which is often."

"Yeah, I'd say that was a strong reaction alright. What was that?" Nick prods.

"According to Dr. Strange, Jamie has some kind of protective layer around her mind that was built to protect herself from dealing with past trauma."

"Yeah, a defense mechanism, but I've never heard of a defense mechanism causing hurricane force winds," Nick quips.

"We don't know how but we do know that this layer is what caused the explosion in the park as well as the one that killed her father when she was seven. We have been trying to train her to have control over it, to use it when needed, to reign it in when it's dangerous. Bruce implanted a small device in her brain that causes her to pass out before she explodes."

"The nosebleed?" Nick probes confirming his hunch that the device was at work.

"Yes, she was close to losing consciousness."

"And the past trauma?" Nick continues questioning, trying to learn as much as he can about this strange girl and her extraordinary power.

"A neighbor molested her, used some brutal scare tactics," Tony explains, the details still hard for him to talk about as well. The information doesn't leave Nick unaffected either. "Her father tried to get her to talk about what happened, the neighbor reminded her of the consequences of talking, then Jamie's mind exploded killing her father."

Nick nods, thinking about what Tony has said, "And this girl, you all want to adopt her?"

Tony smiles, "Yeah, we do. You haven't seen it yet, but she's actually a very sweet, loving, smart kid. She gets along well with all of us."

"Right, even Hulk from what I've heard," Nick remarks incredulously.

Tony smiles thinking about how Hulk behaves around Jamie, "Yes, even Hulk. He's quite the lovable teddy bear when it comes to Jamie, and protective too."

"So why adoption? Looks like being her guardian is working out ok," Nick presses.

"Well in addition to her personality, can you see normal parents, a mom and a dad, handling her special abilities? She needs stable loving parents who are able to keep her and others safe. As guardians, she can still be removed from our care," Tony explains.

"Really, is that it?"

"Come on, Nick," Tony sighs feeling called out on his feelings, "Yes, we love her, we all do. She's given us the chance to be parents, shown us what we were missing, she's helping us to heal ourselves. I can hardly remember what life was like before she came, just that it was empty. I never want to go back to that."

"Sounds like she's a special girl."

Tony nods, smiling, "She is."

"Just be careful, loving someone like that can be a liability, a weakness in this line of work, makes you more vulnerable, distracted, and can affect your ability to make decisions."

"I will gladly quit 'this line of work' before I lose that little girl," Tony snaps with conviction, angry that Nick would even mention it.

Nick backs off putting his hands up in surrender in front of his chest, "Hey, I just want you to understand the risks. I support your decision, it's nice to see you happy Tony."


	46. Chapter 46

**Trigger warning: descriptions of abuse**

Chapter 46

We all walk to the meeting room where Tony and Nick are waiting. Steve opens the door and escorts me inside then follows me to the seat of my choosing at the end of the table, far away from Nick, taking the seat next to me. The others file in taking open seats around the table.

"So, what do you want to know?" I grumble, wanting to get this over with.

"I was hoping you could tell me about the times that you encountered Cross."

I look over at Steve, trying to keep myself calm. "I first saw him in the park, he was out of place, odd, creepy."

"How so?"

"He was wearing a suit, all black, and a fancy hat. He had a cane too, like, well…I'm not sure when you would wear clothes like that. He kept the brim of his hat low so you could only see his lips, his…smile." Chills are sent through my body as I picture Cross in my mind. "He calmly told people to kill and other people stopped what they were doing and killed the people they were with, whoever was nearby." I get lost in the memory of that day.

"Jamie," I hear Steve say but I think he actually said my name a few times by the way he is looking at me.

I still feel lost and disconnected, the next part of the story is potent. I return my gaze, not really looking at anything. "He noticed me. He looked at me, I could see his eyes, he told me to kill her but I didn't. I looked at them, I saw their f-f-f-fear then a sharp pain in my forehead," I rub my forehead as if the pain was currently there. "Then everything went black. They were gone, I l-l-l-looked for them, there was smoke and I tripped over chunks of wood or…" I am lost, thinking about that day, reliving it, my mind blocking images of things I was tripping over.

Nick kneels next to Jamie, who doesn't seem to notice him. He turns her chair to face him, placing both of his hands on the armrests, leaning close to Jamie's face, looking into her eyes seeing the glossed over, distant look. "Jamie," Nicks says again, "Jamie." He touches her chin to help gain her attention. She flinches at his touch, "Jamie, what happened when Cross kidnapped you?"

 _ _Cross…yard tick…'Are you allowed to move?'…crack, crack, crack…'Are you allowed to talk?'…crack, crack, crack…__

Jamie flinches a few more times, no doubt as the memory plays out within her mind. Nick places his hands on either side of her face watching her reactions as her facial features twist in fear and anguish. "What's going on inside your head?" Nick asks himself wishing he could break through to get the information that he needs.

Steve interrupts, "Ok, we're done here," then picks Jamie up and places her on his lap, arms wrapped around her, protectively cradling her head against his chest. "She hasn't been able to talk about that yet. We only know bits and pieces. Dr. Strange used some sort of spell to take us into her memory, so we witnessed what happened when she was seven. We know that Cross implemented some of the things from her abuse then locked her in a memory loop, reliving the abuse over and over."

"I need more information about his methods," Nick comments, watching Jamie.

"You're not going to be able to get that from her, not tonight, and probably not without Dr. Strange going into her mind again which, to work, she needs to let us in," Steve explains, then stands and heads toward the door carrying Jamie. "I'm going to try to get her out of this. Bruce, I may need your help." Bruce nods then joins Steve in the living quarters.

Steve sits down on the couch with Jamie on his lap, trying to talk to her, "Jamie, you're ok now. No one is hurting you, it's just a memory. Come on baby girl, it's time to come back." Steve wraps his arms around the girl tighter. "Come back to us," Steve pleads feeling desperate for this pain to end. "What do you think, Bruce?"

Bruce looks at Jamie's pupils, "There's no response. I don't like this."

"Hulk, maybe?" Steve asks.

"It's worth a shot," Bruce says then transforms. Hulk takes Jamie in his arms and cradles her like a baby.

Everyone comes back to the living quarters including Nick who is surprised to see Hulk holding Jamie. Concern etched in his facial features, Steve comments letting the team know what they are dealing with, "She's not responding."

On his way out of the living room, Tony asserts without waiting for input from the others, "I'll call Dr. Strange."

A few minutes later, Dr. Strange arrives at the compound. "Nice to see you again, Strange," Nick greets as soon as Dr. Strange pops through his portal.

Dr. Strange nods but immediately turns his attention to Jamie and Steve. "How long has she been disconnected?"

"About ten minutes," Steve murmurs eager for Dr. Strange's help. "She was asked about Cross's most recent kidnapping."

Dr. Strange looks back at Nick, "Really?" Then turns his attention to the others, "…and you let him?"

"It's for Jamie's protection," Steve begins, defending their actions.

"…and everyone else's." Nick adds to Steve's explanation, highlighting his actions go beyond just Jamie.

Dr. Strange lets out a displeased grunt, then directs his attention to Steve, "Are you ready to go in?"

Nick steps forward interjecting, "I'm going too."

"That's not how this works," Dr. Strange rebuts sharply feeling protective. "Jamie has to want you there in order for this to work, clearly she doesn't."

Nick looks over at Steve for confirmation. "Yeah, Jamie has to open a locked door in order for anyone to go into her mind and I can't risk bringing you along to find out."

"We are wasting time," Dr. Strange admonishes, irritation written on his face.

"Steve, you need to try to find out more about Cross while you're in there."

"I'll try but my goal is to make sure Jamie is ok," Steve asserts then Dr. Strange whisks them away back to the dark room that contains only one door.

Dr. Strange and Steve stand in front of the large wooden gateway that hides Jamie within. Steve knocks then waits. "Jamie…Jamie, it's Steve." They don't hear any sound from inside the room. "Jamie, can we come in?" The door unlatches but doesn't open taking both men by surprise. Steve looks to Dr. Strange for guidance.

"I think she wants us to come in," Dr. Strange observes looking at the door with trepidation.

Carefully, Steve opens the door about an inch, just enough to see inside. About fifteen feet beyond the door, Jamie is strapped in some kind of contraption. It's flat like a table but clearly has many movable parts. Jamie's appendages are strapped to separate metal structures also part of the contraption. Steve looks around the corner to see a red monster with black eyes.

"What do you see?" Dr. Strange asks.

"Nick's going to get his wish, this is the prison room where we rescued Jamie," Steve croaks while backing away to let Dr. Strange look too. "Do you think we can interact with her, get her out of this?" Steve asks.

"I doubt it, I believe this is a memory but it feels different from the memory loop because of the way Cross looks…cartoonish."

"He looks like the picture she drew. She used red and black crayon and it looked like that," Steve describes, pointing to Jamie's version of Cross. "So, what do we do?"

"The door was unlocked when you announced that you were here, I think she's inviting us in to watch," Dr. Strange explains.

"I was afraid that you were going to say that," Steve utters, feeling his own panic beginning to rise within himself. "I don't know if I can watch her being abused again, I still have nightmares."

"So do I." Dr. Strange admits with difficulty. "But, she wants us to know what happened."

Steve and Dr. Strange enter the room slowly, ready to fight if needed. First, Steve checks in with Jamie. "Jamie, can you hear me?" Jamie's eyes remain fixed on Cross. The guard is also in the room but he looks like a wooden marionette doll with strings that are held by Cross. As if someone pushed play, the scene begins to unfold before them. Steve hears Cross talking but the figure doesn't move, "What a wonderfully vivid memory, thank you for sharing it with me dear. You look so beautiful right now, like this, submitted to me, your mind an open book. Oh Franklin, doesn't she look heavenly?"

Steve watches as Cross makes the doll move and talk. "Yes, Sir. She looks amazing." Franklin walks over to Jamie and touches her, inciting Jamie's panic, trying to get free.

"Are you allowed to move or make noise?" Cross asks calmly.

Steve freezes, mirroring Jamie, when he hears the familiar line from her childhood memory.

"Are you allowed to move or make noise?" Cross asks again with a stern edge to his tone.

Jamie shakes her head.

"That's right you are not allowed to move or make noise. What happens when you move or make noise?"

Jamie shakes her head. Steve understands where this is going and begins to yell, charging at Cross. Dr. Strange steps in, blocking Steve from moving any closer to Cross, knowing that it is useless in this place.

"What happens, Jamie, when you move or make noise? If you do not answer when I tell you to talk, the punishment will be much, much worse."

"Smack me."

"See that wasn't hard. You're right my dear, you will be smacked with this stick." The red and black figure says then produces a yardstick which he maneuvers the doll to come and take. "Franklin, let's start with fifteen smacks." The mannequin adjusts the device that is restraining Jamie so her bottom is facing Cross who makes a few more flicks of his wrist prompting Franklin to pull down her pants and underwear.

"No, stop!" Steve and Jamie yell at the same time.

"Tsk, tsk. You have forgotten already. Twenty-five smacks!" A few slight movements from Cross then Franklin begins to spank Jamie. She whimpers, then Cross declares, "Thirty smacks!" Once the punishment has been administered, Cross praises, "Good girl." Then addresses Franklin, "You may now play other games with Jamie." Cross tugs on more strings making Franklin turn Jamie around, revealing her half naked body and cuts on her legs. Cross smiles, "Oh, you must have been very bad to need so many cuts." Cross continues his handiwork with the marionette, Franklin lifts up Jamie's shirt and plays with her private parts. Steve nearly vomits, witnessing Jamie enduring this abuse after everything else she has been through, after he was charged with protecting her. Steve hears Cross calmly say, "Stop," followed by, "You both have listened well. I am so proud of you."

The scene goes dark except for Jamie who is still strapped in the contraption. "Steve?" Jamie cries hoping Steve is here to rescue her. Steve immediately goes to the scared girl, undoing the straps and removing her from the device. At first Jamie is shaking, eyes wide with fear, but as Steve comforts her she begins sobbing. He continues to hold her, rocking her, with his own tears flowing in torrents. Dr. Strange remains quiet, feeling the impact of the moment. Several minutes go by before anyone says anything.

"I've got you baby girl, I'm not going to let anyone hurt you ever again. I'm so sorry this happened."

Jamie doesn't respond, just remains huddled in Steve's protective hold.

"Ready to go back now?"

Jamie nods slightly still unable to talk maintaining her tight grip on Steve who looks to Dr. Strange to reverse the spell. Within seconds they are back. Hulk continues to hold Jamie who still isn't talking but appears to be aware of her surroundings now. "Hi baby girl," Steve says looking into Jamie's eyes while rubbing her forehead hoping for some kind of response.

Jamie's gaze moves slightly but she doesn't make eye contact. "She's with us but just barely. Jamie, can I hold you?" Steve asks wanting to be close and to care for her.

The girl doesn't talk but she nods slightly. Steve scoops her up from Hulk's arms then carries her to the couch, sits down and snuggles her against his chest, talking to her softly. "You are safe now. You are with us. Hulk, Nat, Tony, Clint, we are all here." Steve purposely leaves out Nick and Dr. Strange. "We love you baby girl." Steve continues to have tears running down his face, the others wondering what happened inside Jamie's mind but knowing that right now is not the time to get into it.

Clint comes over to Jamie and talks to her as well, "Hi baby girl. It's Clint." Jamie's eyes slowly move to look at Clint, who smiles while running his fingers through the loose strands of hair along her face. Jamie starts to cry and reaches for Clint who immediately sweeps her up into his arms. Clint places several kisses on Jamie's cheek while rubbing calming circles on her back. "You're ok now, you're safe." Jamie remains still in Clint's arms but is much more aware. The current scare has passed.

"Clint if you don't mind I need to talk to the team but would rather you stay with her. Is it alright if we fill you in later?" Steve checks in with Clint who nods then returns to attending to Jamie.

Once everyone is in the meeting room, Steve begins, "Jamie showed us what happened with Cross when he took her." Nick leans in not wanting to miss any detail. "We already assumed that Cross or the guard did some of the same things that the neighbor did. Cross had the guard use the yardstick on her mimicking the memory that he saw when he looked inside her mind. Cross looked like her picture, the red and black face. He was controlling the guard like a marionette doll. There were actual strings in Jamie's mind, with every move that Cross made the doll responded with the action."

"Hmm, like a marionette doll, with every move…" Nick thinks aloud. "Were there any other strings either leading to or away from Cross?"

Steve and Dr. Strange think back to what they saw, "No just the ones that lead directly to the guard."

"Were there any strings attached to Jamie?" Nick asks.

"No, but Jamie's movements were controlled by the contraption that she was strapped too. I think they could have moved Jamie into any position that they wanted, she didn't have any control," Steve responds, thoughtfully.

"But that's the same thing that we saw when we rescued her, I don't think that is a metaphor like the images in her mind likely were," Nat explains.

"True but that's the only way Cross could manipulate her," Dr. Strange adds.

"Well, that's good news," Nick declares. "Cross isn't able to control Jamie except through other people." Nick turns his attention to Dr. Strange, "With all of the mystical arts stuff, is there anything that might explain this guy's abilities?"

"It's possible. I am able to enter Jamie's mind if she invites me in. Maybe Cross found a way to do more. But that would be some pretty dark magic."

"What about a way to stop it or block it?" Nick asks.

"I believe I could cast a spell to block it if I was close enough to Cross and we had a way to keep him inside the spell meaning food, medical treatment, etc," Dr. Strange explains to the team as he responds to Nick's question. "We call it the mirror dimension."

"So, the mirror dimension could serve as a long-term prison cell for Cross?" Nick clarifies.

"I don't know, I haven't heard of any adverse effects of using the dimension but I also haven't heard of anyone using it for more than a few days at most."

"Look into it more, see if you can come up with a solution," Nick commands then looks to the rest of the team, "I'm sorry that my visit was so eventful. I look forward to meeting Jamie under better circumstances. She seems like a great girl, congratulations." Nick leaves the meeting room without another word.

Steve and the others continue to sit together thinking about what happened. Steve is angry, "We should have been able to protect her. He so easily messed with her mind, got inside to find the most horrific events, repeated them in real life and locked her inside her memory. She has been through so much." Steve pauses for a moment, remembering. "The worst part about witnessing this, is seeing her like she is now and not as a seven-year-old. It really felt like it was Jamie this time. I mean it did before too, but this was so much more…real."

"Yeah, I agree. I keep seeing her being…" Dr. Strange shakes his head closing his eyes, unable to finish the sentence.


	47. Chapter 47

Chapter 47

"I'm so sorry, Jamie. I'm so sorry that all of that happened to you," Clint says while holding and rocking me.

After a few minutes, I look up. "Will you make sure Steve is ok?"

"I don't want to leave you here alone. Would you rather wait here with Vision or come with me?"

I sigh, "Come with you, I guess, but I don't want to see Steve upset. I don't want him to be mad at me or not want to be around me….actually, have Vision watch me."

Clint holds me a little tighter, "I'm sure Steve will be ok but he probably is struggling right now. It's very hard to see someone you love being hurt or hurting. He's had to do both. But, that doesn't mean that he doesn't love you. Ok?"

I nod unsure if he's right. Vision comes into the room a few minutes after Clint calls him. "How are you, Jamie?"

"I'm fine," I respond deadpan.

With one last kiss on my head, Clint leaves to talk to the team.

* * *

"How's Jamie?" Steve asks as soon as Clint enters.

"She's doing better, not great, but better. She's talking now, Vision is with her. Jamie actually asked me to come in here to check on you," Clint informs while nodding toward Steve. "She's worried that you are mad at her or won't want to be around her anymore."

Steve's heart aches for this little girl and yet, he isn't sure that he wants to be around her right now, the pain being so fresh, the images of her as she is now are burned in his mind. Steve also knows that if he doesn't go to her she will feel rejected, upsetting her very delicate balance of emotions.

"It will be harder to face her the longer you wait to see her," Nat comments seeing the turmoil etched on Steve's face, "And, it's ok for her to see you upset about what happened and not be upset with her."

Steve roughly rubs his face then stands gathering the courage to be the dad that Jamie needs.

The others follow, supporting Steve as he helps their daughter.

"Hi Jamie. Clint said that you're worried about me," Steve recalls, his own heart breaking for her, who, despite her own pain, was worried about him.

Jamie nods afraid that Steve will reject her, she hangs back to see what he does. Steve comes over and sits next to her on the couch then opens his arms for her to climb onto his lap. She accepts the invitation, as she begins to cry.

With tears running down his cheeks, Steve comforts, "I'm sorry all of that happened to you. I love you so much."

"I didn't plan on having you watch my memory but when you and Dr. Strange came…I decided to let you in. Are you mad at me for showing you?" Jamie questions, her words thick with desperation.

"No baby, I'm not mad. It was hard for me to watch, seeing you being hurt, knowing that it happened when we were supposed to keep you safe. I'm sorry that we weren't able to protect you." Steve's cries transform into sobs, holding on to his baby girl tighter. Jamie's heart breaks seeing Steve upset, she wraps her arms around his neck burying her face between her arm and his neck, crying with him.

* * *

Steve and I sleep on the couch with me still cuddled on his lap. Fed up with the restless sleep, I decide to stay awake, all of the sadness from the previous night still weighing on me as if an elephant was sitting on my chest. When Steve wakes, he looks down and sees that I'm awake. "How are you feeling?" Steve asks.

"Ok, I guess," I murmur. "I'm still really tired. Can I lay down in my bed?" I want some time alone, but I already know that I won't get it.

"Come on, I'll sit with you for a while," Steve replies in a hushed tone then puts me down, stretching his stiff muscles from sitting up while sleeping. I climb into bed then Steve gets comfortable next to me on top of the covers, allowing me to rest against his chest. I grab my teddy bear as well and try to go back to sleep.

With disturbed sleep and frequent nightmares flooding my mind, I finally decide to just stay awake. Steve wasn't able to go back to sleep, but I'm not sure if it's because he was sad or because my thrashing through nightmares kept him awake. "Ready for breakfast?" He asks giving up on sleep for either of us.

I nod then follow Steve to the kitchen. Everyone is awake, even though it's very early. I guess the ordeal was hard on everyone. "Do we have to do the desensitization trials today? I really don't think I can do it." I ask feeling emotionally drained.

"No baby, we aren't going to do that today," Steve replies softly, kissing the top of my head. "However, Jen is coming this afternoon."

I don't respond. I'm too tired to care.

"How about some cereal?" Clint asks.

"I don't want anything right now," I murmur. I hope Bruce doesn't take me to the infirmary but I don't have the energy to fight with him.

"Ok, I'll check back with you later," Clint responds unwilling to force eating right now.

Surprisingly, no one tries to stop me when I leave the kitchen and go to the living room, I'm not sure why. I flop down on the end of the couch with my arms and head leaning on the armrest. After a few minutes, Nat follows me into the room. "Are you ok?"

"No."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

Nat and Clint are sitting in the room with me, both remaining quiet. I don't mind because that means no one is bothering me, making me talk. Lost in thought thinking about what Cross did, what the guard did, I curl up into a ball, trying to feel less vulnerable, remaining like that for a long time. I happen to notice that Bruce, Tony, and Steve are not in the room, but I don't think much more about it.

"Do you want to snuggle?" I hear Clint say but I don't feel like responding. "Jamie?" Clint comes over to sit on the coffee table directly in front of me. Placing his hand on my shoulder, I flinch in response to his touch. Clint lifts his hand briefly then slowly returns it to my shoulder. I flinch again but not as much. After a few seconds, I feel myself relax with his hand still on me. Clint repositions himself on the floor so he is at eye level with me, keeping his hand on my shoulder the entire time. With his other hand, Clint begins to rub my forehead and stroke my hair, his eyes never leaving my face, assessing any changes. "I love you, Baby Girl," Clint says. I blink away a tear. "Can I hold you?" I don't respond but my eyes shift slightly toward him, wanting him to hold me. Clint decides to try to pick me up to bring me onto his lap. He is careful in his approach to move slowly, aware of my distress level so he knows if it's helping or not. Clint manages to move me enough for him to slip onto the couch then lowers me onto his lap, keeping his arms wrapped around me. I remain curled up in a ball laying my head against his chest. I feel like this will never end. I will never be far from a crisis. I will never be happy again.

Clint is still holding me in the same position when Jen arrives at one o'clock. I barely notice her presence. She says a few things to me but I didn't hear much of it and I don't care enough to ask her to repeat it. The others are talking, some crying even, but I'm only vaguely aware of what's going on around me.

Clint is trying to get my attention. Acknowledging him, I look up but don't respond because I didn't hear what he said. Clint repeats himself, "Jamie..." When I look at him again he finishes his sentence, "…you need to eat something now."

I look around, "Jen?"

"Jen left a few minutes ago. Bruce said you have to eat something now and he wants you to drink some water."

As if on autopilot, I stand from my spot on Clint's lap and head to the kitchen putting my head down on the table. Bruce brings a glass of water over to me and a sandwich. I drink a few sips of water then return to laying my head down. I notice that Steve still isn't around. _I wonder if Steve is mad at me._ The thought upsets me, a few tears fall from my eyes onto the table. A hand touches my back, I flinch, stiffening my body. The hand promptly leaves my back then I hear Bruce talking, "Jamie…Jamie." My gaze is drawn to the familiar voice. "You need to eat or we will have to do the IVs again," Bruce asserts. _I don't care,_ I think to myself while laying my head down again. Bruce lifts up my torso, holding me up from my arms to try to get me to look at him. "You need to eat now." I just look away.

Clint lifts me up to a standing position. "Jamie, you need to walk." I move my legs, holding up my weight, while Clint guides me. _I guess we are going to the infirmary for IVs._ It doesn't matter to me anymore.

When we arrive, I curl up on the hospital bed, my body flinching and freezing whenever I'm touched. The nurse has trouble finding a vein, trying both arms and both hands, finally finding a vein in my foot. It hurts but I don't complain. I can tell by the look on the nurse's face that she is surprised I'm not fighting.

Bruce checks the IV bags a few times, replaces them when needed, sitting next to me while my body receives nourishment rubbing my forehead and talking to me, but I barely notice he is here. Someone comes to the door then Bruce gets up and leaves after a quick kiss on my forehead.

I don't want to be here anymore so I take the IVs out then get out of the bed, walking out of the infirmary then outside. I walk absentmindedly to the lake and sit on the grass under the tree. It's warm today, I notice the heat and sunshine but they don't feel good on my skin like they typically do, it's just there. The soft grass tickles my bare feet but, again, it doesn't feel good or bad, it's just there.

A few minutes later, Tony finds me. "What are you doing out here?" Tony presses, concerned.

I look over at him briefly, acknowledging his presence, then return to looking out at the calm water, reflecting the trees and blue sky.

"Bruce is not happy that you removed the IV and left. We were all worried." Tony notices that I'm not responding so he takes a seat next to me on the grass. "Jamie, please talk to me. It might help to talk."

A few minutes go by before I begin, "I can't do this anymore, being sad, scared, angry. It's not getting better and I'm making everyone else miserable. There's nothing left of me anymore."

Tony fiddles with a blade of grass for a few moments, debating how best to respond. "Sounds like you want to die."

I don't confirm or deny his guess. I just continue to look out over the water.

"Jamie, you know how you feel having lost your family? Well, if you die, we would all feel that way, too. Things are hard right now, but we love you more than you know. We would be devastated if something happened to you."

The comparison hits home for me. I don't want anyone to go through what I'm going through. "I don't think that I will ever stop feeling bad."

"You will, you will start to have more good days than bad, new things will fill your life and you will rediscover some of the old."

"Did Steve tell you what happened?" I ask, little emotion on my face.

"Yes."

"So, you know...you know what Cross and the guard did to me." I curl up trying to feel less vulnerable, trying to stomach feeling so violated.

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

"He hurt me. He touched me and hit me. He said I was bad," I manage to spit out a few details while crying and rocking.

Tony wraps his arms around me, cradling my head in his hand. "I'm so sorry, Baby Girl. I'm so sorry. I hate that he did those things to you."

"That's who I am now, just a toy for someone else to hurt," I lament, my tears becoming full sobs.

"No! That's not who you are! Do you hear me? You are my daughter, not that bastard's toy." Tony is angry, his body tenses next to me, shaking.

He continues to hold me, his face pressed up against my head, trying to calm himself down. I can hear some small noises around me, a telltale sign that the others are also here.

We sit by the lake for a long time in silence. There's nothing left for me to say, that's really how I feel now.


	48. Chapter 48

Chapter 48

After everyone goes back inside, Tony asks Vision to stay with Jamie while they meet.

Tony begins, "He broke her, that son of bitch broke her. He needs to pay for this and so does that shit neighbor."

"He's in prison, guarded using the tech you designed with the extra measures that Nick is working on. What more can we do?" Clint asks.

"He's not serving time for hurting Jamie, for kidnapping her twice, for molesting her and beating her. He should have to answer for those crimes, too," Tony seethes, barely containing his rage.

"Jamie would have to talk to police, lawyers and testify in court. Can you see her being able to do any of that? Let alone how much she would suffer going through it," Steve rebuts.

Tony looks away shaking his head. "What about the boy?"

"We've kept a close eye on him. We will be able to intervene if he tries anything and take him in on those charges," Nat responds, knowing it's not what Tony wants to hear.

"We should talk about how to help her deal with what she's going through," Bruce comments, trying to redirect the conversation to something more productive.

Everyone is quiet for a few minutes. "I guess we keep doing what we're doing. Jen didn't have any new ideas for us," Clint sighs feeling helpless.

Nat adds, "Make her talk about what's going on or drawing, lots of hugs and snuggling, trying to get her doing stuff with us. Maybe Peter can help, too."

"We will also need to make sure that she's eating and drinking. She only took a few sips of water when I told her we would need to do the IVs again. It's like she didn't care what happened to her," Bruce recalls the earlier exchange with Jamie.

"She thinks she's nothing more than a toy to be abused by whoever wants to hurt her, no, I bet she doesn't care what happens to her," Steve says feeling disgusted. "The trick will be to make sure that she gets nourishment without her using the IVs as another form of punishment."

"What if we got her out of here for a while, maybe take her to Disney World? Let's do something special with her, see if we can break this cycle and start over," Tony says, thinking aloud.

"That sounds great. Yeah, let's do it," Clint praises, grateful for some good news.

"Will we be able to keep her safe there from any possible attacks from Cross?" Steve asks Bruce.

"With the ear piece in, we will all be protected."

"I can try to have attendance at the park limited," Tony remarks. "Bruce, I know you developed a way to reverse Cross's mind control for a larger group, can we do something similar at the park but with determining if anyone is affected?"

"Yeah, I think I can make those modifications."

The whole team decides to go knowing that there is added risk of attack being off the compound as well as any problems that Jamie may have emotionally.

"Let's go tell her," Tony exclaims excited to give Jamie a special treat.

* * *

 _I still can't believe that they wanted to take me to Disney World, after everything that I've put them through, they shouldn't even want to keep me. I don't understand why they want to treat me good. I definitely don't deserve it, I've been really bad lately._

"Hey there, whatcha thinking about?" Clint asks, bringing me out of my reverie.

"Not much," I respond shrugging my shoulders, careful not to make eye contact.

"I know that look, you were definitely thinking about something."

Trying to avoid the confrontation, I shrug my shoulders again and look away.

Clint moves to kneel in front of me so he can make eye contact with me. "Jamie, we love you very much. Whether or not you think you should be loved doesn't change anything. We want to spend some special time with you doing something extra fun." Clint can tell in my eyes that his assessment of my thoughts was accurate. "We love you, Baby Girl."

I look away again. _Why do they keep doing that? They keep telling me how much they love me, why do they keep messing with me like that?_ I think to myself, annoyed that they won't just let it go.

We are on the jet for a total of two hours. Most of the time, they let me sit in silence. I didn't even really want to do this trip. Undeniably, I wanted to go to Disney World but I didn't think they should take me, I'm too bad. Tony is planning for us to stay here for at least a few days but maybe more, he left it open-ended. When we land, Bruce and Nat go ahead to check things out first, wanting to make sure that everything is safe, while the rest of us wait on the plane.

Bruce gives the all clear so we abandon the jet in a private hanger at the airport and make our way to the resort. Although I am seated in the middle seat of the back row, I can't help but to look out the window of the car as we drive through Florida. Steve leans back so I can get a better view, putting his arm around me so I can lean slightly over him, too. I've never seen palm trees before and there's water everywhere even though we aren't along the coast. We are staying at a resort inside of the park's border, so we drive under the 'Welcome to Walt Disney World' sign on the way to the resort. I smile slightly, amazed that I am actually here. I know Steve saw my smile because he squeezed a little tighter. Once through the gate, it feels like we've been transported to a whole new place. Palm trees still line the road but there's also lots of other vegetation lined with Disney themed signs, lights, and shrubs.

We pull up to the Grand Floridian, adorned with beautifully carved white wood, with white pillars and a red roof. The sheer size of this place makes its 'Grand' designation seem understated. We make our way into the front lobby where we are met by a concierge who escorts us to our three-bedroom grand villa, making sure we will all be able to stay together in one suite, for my benefit I'm sure. The room is exquisitely decorated, with cream-colored walls and cabinets, against stainless steel appliances. Although we are staying in part of a larger building, the suite feels like a home with all of the typical amenities. Off of the living room and master bedroom are large sliding glass doors that open up to a patio that faces a body of water with a beach. It really feels like we are at the ocean.

"Jamie, you and Nat can share this bedroom," Tony comments while giving us the guided tour.

I look inside the room that Tony designated as my room and see the same beautiful décor but without a sliding glass door. _I guess they don't want me to escape during the night._ Tony instructs the staff to put our luggage in the assigned rooms.

I walk to the glass doors in the living room, open the door and step outside onto the patio. Steve follows me, _I guess I still have to have constant supervision even here._

"What do you think?" Steve probes.

"It's nice." I say deadpan, no sign of my excitement in my words.

"Would you like to go swimming, we picked up a swimming suit for you?"

I lightly touch my legs, thinking about the scars from the last time that I hurt myself, then shake my head.

As if reading my mind, Steve says, "No one else will be at the pool. We have several times blocked off just for us."

"What do you mean? You guys had the pool shut down for us?"

"Yeah. Tony requested that we have the pool to ourselves. We thought you might be uncomfortable with others around, that you might not want others to see your legs," Steve explains.

Swimming does sound good. "Yeah, ok."

Steve smiles, wraps his arm around my shoulder. "Come on, our reservation starts in about fifteen minutes."

Under Nat's constant supervision, I change into the swimming suit then put a sundress on over top covering my legs. They also picked up sunglasses, a sun hat, flip flops, sandals, and another swimsuit for me. "Everyone went to a lot of trouble for this trip, why?" I question Nat who is applying sunscreen to my back where the suit doesn't cover.

"You've been through a lot lately and we wanted to give you something special, to have some special time together as a family," Nat explains, smiling. "Ready to go?" I nod.

We head out to the living room to meet up with everyone else. I'm so happy that I was finally able to take the cast off since we would not be swimming otherwise. It's odd to me to see them all wearing swimming trunks. Bruce is wearing socks with his sandals. I smile while looking at him.

"What's so funny?" Bruce says lightheartedly, noticing my expression.

"You are. Socks, really?" I say with a chuckle.

Bruce looks down at his footwear. "What's wrong with socks?"

Everyone laughs.

We leave our suite, following the signs that lead to the pool. It strikes me as odd that there are so few people here. "Where is everyone?"

Everyone sort of looks at each other funny, "They are probably at the parks," Tony responds without a beat, but I can tell that he is lying. He probably bought out the entire resort just so we could have more privacy. I'm not sure if I should be upset by that or not. It will be nice to not feel embarrassed.

The swimming area is amazing. They have pools as well as a beach area that leads into a large lake. The pool closest to our suite is incredible. In addition to its massive size, the pool has a walk-in area as well as a deeper end and a water slide. _Crazy._ I eagerly whip my sundress off and jump in the pool. The water is the perfect temperature, not too cold and not too warm. I haven't gone swimming in so long, I can't even remember the last time.

Steve and Clint join me in the water while Bruce, Tony, and Nat get set up in lounge chairs. I swim a few laps then climb onto Steve's back. He jumps around and goes under the water a few times with me hanging on. "Throw me!" Steve repositions me then lifts me up out of the water and throws me about ten feet. That was so much fun I can't help but to screech and giggle. I swim back to Steve and excitedly shout, "Again!" Steve complies, throwing me in several more times. I am having so much fun. Clint brings out a beach ball so we take turns hitting it to each other. I look over and see Nat with her eyes closed and Bruce and Tony reading. I swim over with a mischievous grin and splash them, immediately getting their attention. I am laughing so hard at the look of surprise and shock on their faces. Nat peeks over at the guys with a smile on her face.

"You're gonna get it now!" Tony says then jumps in the pool. I try to swim away but Tony gets to me quickly, picks me up and throws me. I come up and splash Tony who splashes back, laughing. It's been a long time since I've had this much fun.

"It's time to head inside now for lunch," Nat calls to everyone. _Maybe our reserved pool time is over._ We all make our way to the edge of the pool to climb out. I start to feel self-conscious about the scars on my legs.

"Hey Nat, can you bring my towel over?" I request, before beginning my ascent up the ladder. Nat looks at me for a moment, then realizes what's going on.

"Sure." Nat brings the towel over to the top of the ladder, holding it open to block the others' line of sight. I'm grateful that she thought to do that. With the towel still wrapped around my waist, I put the sundress back on keeping myself covered. "Ok?" Nat asks putting her hand on my shoulder. I nod with my head slightly down feeling a little embarrassed.

We walk together inside to change out of our swim clothes. I feel a lot better but wonder if I should feel better. Clint wraps his arm around my shoulders bringing my head closer for a kiss, "Thanks, Kiddo, that was a ton of fun." I smile feeling better about having fun knowing it made the others smile.

We eat lunch in our suite with the food that the resort staff stocked the fridge and cabinet with at Tony's direction. We each made a sandwich and got a tall glass of cold lemonade. I eat every bite of the sandwich then eat two handfuls of potato chips. I notice that Bruce is smiling, probably because I'm eating.

We spend the rest of the day playing in the game room of the resort and hanging out in the suite. "Tomorrow we will go to a park. Which one do you want to start with?" Tony asks.

"Um, I thought there was just one."

"There's several: Magic Kingdom with the castle, Epcot with the large metal globe, Animal Kingdom with the big tree, Hollywood Studios, Typhoon Lagoon and Blizzard Beach."

"Let's go to Magic Kingdom."

"Magic Kingdom it is!"

That night, Nat tucks me in, sitting on my bed allowing me to snuggle with her while holding my teddy bear. Nat runs her fingers through the hair that lines my face. "Did you have fun today?"

I nod, smiling as I think about swimming with Clint, Tony, and Steve. "Great," Nat grins then kisses the top of my head.

It takes a little longer than normal to fall asleep since I'm in a strange place but once I do, I sleep through the night without any problems.


	49. Chapter 49

**A/N: Extra long chapter, I hope you all enjoy reading it. Please review...let me know what you like and what you don't. Thanks.**

Chapter 49

I wake up early, excited for the day, unwilling to wait for the others to wake up. First, I jump on Nat, who happens to be the closest. "Wake up, wake up."

"What, what's wrong?" Nat gasps, alarmed and maybe in some pain from being jumped on.

"Nothing's wrong, it's morning!" I squeal then run out to the living room.

No one else is awake yet so I go to the next bedroom, Tony's, and jump on him. I think I hurt him because he yelps and darts up in bed but he isn't mad when he sees me. "Tony, it's morning, wake up!" Tony flops back down and groans. "Toe-neeeee," I whine while bouncing on the bed to make him get up. "Wake up!" Once Tony starts to move around, I head to the next room.

Clint and Bruce are in the other bedroom. I run and jump on Clint too but he catches me right before I land on him and brings me in for a hug. I start to laugh, surprised that he caught me. "You were already awake?" I giggle.

"I've been pounced on before by excited kids, I was ready for it," Clint explains also laughing.

With the commotion, Steve who was sleeping on the sleeper sofa in the living room, is awake and watching from the doorway, smiling. "Someone's excited."

I wriggle out of Clint's hug and run and jump toward Steve, who catches me and brings me into a hug. I wrap my arms around Steve's neck, my excitement overflowing. Steve carries me to the dining area where he puts me down for breakfast. Clint comes out of his room a few minutes later. I already have the Cinnamon Toast Crunch ready for both of us, hoping to get out of here quicker.

While we eat, Bruce comes out of the bedroom already dressed. He sees me eating and smiles. I roll my eyes, I'm pretty sure that's all Bruce cares about. I finish eating and go to the bathroom to get ready, Nat follows. I growl feeling frustrated that I can't go to the bathroom alone. I don't want to ruin the day so I swallow my anger and go with it.

Nat notices my irritation so she keeps some distance, staying in the bedroom while I shower with the door open partway to the bathroom. I appreciate Nat giving me some space. I get dressed then head out to the living room while Nat gets ready. It feels like hours go by while I wait for everyone but, finally, it's time to go.

"How do we get there from here?" I ask, practically bouncing with excitement.

"We take the monorail. The station is over there." Tony points in the direction we need to walk to get to the station. I run ahead of everyone, excited to get to the park. "Wait up," Tony yells.

"But, you can still see me," I whine, annoyed that they are stunting my excitement.

"In the park, you will need to stay with us," Steve reminds me of the rules gently. "There's going to be a lot of people in there, ok?"

"Ok," I pout.

Steve puts his finger under my chin to prompt me to lift my eyes. "It wouldn't matter if you had the other stuff going on or not, you're a kid and kids need to stay close to their parents in amusement parks. Ok?"

I nod and say, "Ok." He's right I'm being too sensitive about this and I don't want to ruin this day.

We board the monorail. Steve guides me to the open seat by the window so I can have a good view of everything. We pass through various parts of the park and through other resorts as well as parking areas. We finally arrive at Magic Kingdom. It's so exciting. There's a miniature train and a big Mickey face on the front lawn. We walk through the front gate, using a special side entrance. I'm engrossed in everything, at first it looks like a town but then I spot the castle at the other end of the street. I start to run but Steve catches up to me after a few steps. "Jamie, you have to stay with us."

I growl, cross my arms, and stomp my foot. "I know you're excited but you need to stay with us so you're safe," Steve chides.

"Ok. Sorry." I take a deep breath, I don't want to ruin this day.

I walk next to Steve, being careful to keep myself in check. We go to the Mickey and Walt Disney statue that's right in front of the humongous castle. I look up enamored with its size and the various windows and landings adorned with different colored flags. "You should see a real castle. I'll take you to Europe sometime and show you one," Tony promises while putting his arm around my shoulder. I smile.

"Are they going inside the castle?" I ponder, watching people walking through the opening of the castle.

"Well, I guess you can go inside but it's not open to the general public. They are just walking to the other side of the castle where there are more rides," Tony explains. "What do you want to ride first?"

"I don't know, which is the best one?"

"I don't know, let's try them all."

"Yeah, let's do it," I giggle excitedly.

We start to make our way around the park. Tony gave us all passes that let us skip to the front of the line which is very helpful for our goal of trying all of the rides. We have so much fun trying the different rides. I think my favorite is the Toy Story shooting game. We decide to stay for the light parade at the end of the day. Tony was able to get us saved seats along the route with comfy chairs. The day was magical. I had so much fun with everyone and managed to go all day without a disaster. I sit in between Clint and Steve watching the parade. With the busy day of fun, I lean up against Steve feeling tired and happy, enjoying the parade. Sleep catches up with me before the parade ends. I'm vaguely aware of Steve carrying me.

I wake up before dawn the next morning in my bed at the resort feeling happy and loved. _I wonder what we're going to do today._ Since it's still dark outside, I decide to let everyone sleep but I'm too excited to stay in bed any longer, opting to walk around the suite. Steve is still asleep on the couch and everyone else is still in their rooms so I tiptoe, careful not to wake anyone. The darkness in the room mixed with everyone still in bed, leaves me with an odd sensation of loneliness. I'm so used to having at least one person with me at all times that having no one, who's awake at least, makes me feel sad. Wishing I could go outside, I decide to at least sit down on the floor in front of the sliding glass door that leads to the patio. It's dark and quiet outside too.

With the stillness of the night, my mind begins to wonder. _This trip has been so much fun and I went all day without a major incident. I did pretty good the day before too, once we arrived anyway._ _Lizzy would have loved this…I miss Mom and Lizzy and I miss Dad._ Tears begin to flow again, my thoughts never far from my grief. I weep, leaning forward to put my head in my hands when my forehead bumps the glass. A siren begins to scream startling me. I cover my ears and huddle for protection, my kneejerk reaction. Steve jumps up, looks at me then turns the siren off. The others come out of their respective rooms ready for action.

"It's fine," Steve hollers to everyone, then gently says my name. I am still shaking from the loud noise, unable to think or do anything. Steve reaches over and touches my arm. I flinch, curling up smaller, trying to be as quiet as possible. Steve talks softly, "Jamie, it's Steve. It's me baby girl." I respond immediately, loosening my body enough to peek over to see Steve looking at me. Steve opens up his arms so I start to move toward him. Not willing to wait any longer to hold me, Steve scoops me up, wrapping his arms around me, cradling my head while whispering comforting words to me. After a few minutes my body stops shaking enough that I can talk again.

"What happened?" I manage to ask leaning back a little to look at Steve, my voice still shaky.

"We put alarms on the doors and windows," Steve explains softly. "What were you doing?"

"I was just sitting there, looking outside. I promise, I didn't know that was bad," my voice hitching every few words.

"It wasn't bad, Jamie, you didn't do anything wrong. We should have warned you that we installed alarms. I'm sorry, baby girl," Steve soothes. "Why were you out of bed?"

"I just woke up and wanted to look outside. I'm sorry, I didn't want to cause a problem," I start to cry a little. Steve pulls me tight again, resting my head on his shoulder, continuing to rub comforting circles on my back.

"Calm down. Everything is ok. You're not in trouble."

Within a few minutes, I stop crying, mostly returning to normal. "I want to go back to bed now. I promise I won't get out of bed again until morning."

"You are allowed to get out of bed, just don't touch the windows or the outside doors and if you need something wake one of us up, ok?" Steve remarks.

I nod. "Will you tuck me in?"

"Sure, kiddo." Steve agrees then carries me back to bed, laying me down on the mattress, tucking the covers in around me. Steve sits down on the bed so I can snuggle against his chest. "I really didn't want to cause any problems today, I really tried."

"I know you did, I could tell. But just so we're clear, everything that's been going on aren't problems with your behavior or with you. None of us think you are bad," Steve explains, I mostly believe him.

"I had a really good day. In the living room, I was thinking about how much Lizzy would have loved to come here but she never will because I killed her," I begin to cry again. "I miss them so much it hurts."

"I know baby girl. I'm so sorry."

I fall asleep crying, missing my family, mourning them, knowing that I was the one who killed them all.

The next morning, I open my eyes but remain still, my mind picking right up where it left off during the night. Steve is waiting for me to wake up, sitting on the other bed. I'm not sure how knows that I'm awake by looking at my back, but he greets me within moments of opening my eyes, "Good morning kiddo, ready to get up yet?"

"No, I'm still tired."

Steve sits next to me on the bed, quickly notices that I'm crying again. He places a comforting hand along the side of my face. "Want to talk about it?"

"No and I already told you about it last night so don't do that talk circle thing."

"Yes, you did talk to me last night without needing the talk circle thing, I was very proud of you." I can tell that he is serious about being proud of me. "What would you like to do today? We can go to another park or go swimming, maybe just hang out here playing games, what sounds good?"

"I don't know. I don't feel like doing anything so maybe you should decide," I suggest, knowing that I would just choose to be alone and crying.

"Hmm, let's go to Animal Kingdom, they have a safari."

I nod then force myself to get up and dressed for the day. I want today to be another good day, without any problems but am already feeling much more somber this morning. Clint has cereal waiting for me at the table. I sit next to Clint and pick up my spoon but I don't start to eat.

"How are you doing this morning, kiddo?" Clint asks, knowing about my problem during the night and possibly that I was crying.

"I'm fine," I deflect hoping that is enough to appease him because any amount of talking right now is effort.

"Jamie, you need to eat before we can go," Bruce admonishes seeing that I'm not eating yet.

Bruce's words are too much, I push my bowl away and lay my head down overwhelmed with everything. I can feel myself getting mad but I really want to keep things under control, I don't want to cause a problem. I try to control my breathing, tears flowing unwelcomed down my cheeks. Clint rubs my back, helping me to calm down. I keep my head down for a little while after I feel calm trying to avoid facing anyone right now. I don't want to be upset. I don't want to cause a problem.

"Jamie," Clint encourages me to sit up.

I take a deep breath before lifting my head up from my arm. Everyone is sitting at the table waiting for me to calm down. _Oh no, not a talk circle._ Panic sets in thinking about having to talk.

"Jamie," Clint says again capturing my attention. "What's wrong?"

"I don't want to cause a problem," I refuse to share any more, shaking my head.

"You're not causing a problem," Clint explains. "When you cry or get angry or even when you hurt yourself, you're not causing a problem. You are dealing with strong emotions the best way that you know how. It's ok, you don't have to try not to have emotions. We don't want you to stuff your feelings inside so that you don't get upset. We want to help you deal with things in the moment. Ok?"

I'm skeptical but nod.

"So, what's wrong?" Clint presses.

"I'm mad that I'm causing problems and frustrated that Bruce told me to eat because even being out of bed right now is hard," I explain, trying to keep myself under control.

"Are you still upset about 'causing problems?'"

I nod, looking down at my hands.

"Can I hold you?" Clint invites me with a warm, loving smile.

I nod then move to sit on Clint's lap, snuggling my head on his chest under his chin. Clint hugs me periodically kissing the top of my head.

"Right now, our job is to be your parents," Everyone nods while Clint explains. "We are supposed to help you in whatever ways you need help. So, if you need snuggles or to talk or to be distracted or whatever, that's what we want to do. You really aren't causing problems. We expect that you will need to be cared for, that's what happened. The times when you are struggling are not problems, they are times when we care for you. If you get overwhelmed while we are at a park, we will care for you the same as if we were at home. Being at a park doesn't mean your emotions take the day off, so things will likely still come up. We expect that you may need help and that's ok."

I nod, still feeling sad but better about feeling sad.

"Bruce if it's alright with you, how about we go to the park then eat there? Maybe just being out doing something special will help," Clint recommends. Bruce seems uncomfortable but agrees.

Everyone else is already dressed so I get ready quickly then we all head out to the monorail station. I feel myself starting to get into the trip to Animal Kingdom. We enter the park to the enormous tree of life then make our way to the safari. We board the jeep and listen to the tour guide explain the various animals. I'm fascinated with the giraffes and zebras. I wonder if this is what a real safari feels like. We also went on the Avatar ride. It was amazing, so incredibly beautiful!

"How are you doing, baby girl?" Clint asks checking in with me after about two hours at the park.

"Good!" I chirp smiling, then snuggle up with Clint's arm.

We finish the ride talking about our favorite parts and what we want to do next. Bruce interrupts, "It's time to eat now."

"I don't want to."

"Jamie, your body needs nourishment, so you need to eat. I was ok with giving you some time but now you have to eat," Bruce presses, unwilling to let it go any longer.

"No! I won't eat!" I yell, tears in my eyes.

Steve intervenes, "We all need to eat now."

"Well, go ahead because I'm…not…eating!" I yell, fortunately no one else is around to see this.

Steve continues, "Jamie, not eating can make you sick and even pass out. I want you to try to eat something so you can have fun today."

"No! You can't make me!" I scream then start to run away, of course, Steve is fast so I don't get far. He wraps his arms around me to stop me from running away, lifting me up so my feet are off of the ground. "Stop!" I fight, wrenching my body, kicking my legs and pounding on Steve's arms trying to get him to let go. "Put me down!" He holds me steady, allowing me to tire myself out before putting me back on the ground but keeps me restrained. At some point I began crying. "Let me go," I spit between clenched teeth, still fighting to get free. Steve backs up and sets us down on a bench, not deterred by my fighting, which makes me even angrier. I growl, desperate for relief, from what I'm not sure.

Several minutes go by before Steve feels confident that I've calmed down enough to be let go. He very slowly begins to release, ready to return to a restraint if needed. Clint kneels in front of me to start our talk. "Why don't you want to eat?"

"Because I don't want to!" I scream and start to flail my arms, Steve quickly bringing me into a restraint again. I renew my effort to get free. "Why won't you let me go?!" No one responds, waiting for me to calm down. It doesn't take long because I'm getting tired.

"Are you ready to talk yet?" Clint patiently tests again.

I am still breathing heavy but I nod.

"So, why don't you want to eat?" Clint asks again now that I'm calm.

"I don't know," I seethe still feeling angry.

"Jamie, there's lots of things we can give you choices with but whether or not you eat, especially now that you've gone without eating so often, simply isn't one of them. You can choose any food that you want but you still need to eat," Clint explains.

I have my arms crossed, angry, tears flowing down my cheeks. _I won't eat!_

"I know we can't make you eat, but if you don't, we will have to do IVs again," Bruce says softly.

I start to cry harder. "IVs are just another way to make me eat," I complain rubbing my face curling my legs up against my chest.

"I suppose so but we don't want you to get sick," Clint says putting his hand along the side of my face.

"I just want…," I curl up tighter feeling more vulnerable, "…I don't…I don't w-w-want other people to…to do stuff t-t-to me or m-m-m-make me do stuff."

Understanding dawns on the team, hitting Bruce especially hard. Bruce kneels down in front of me to be at eye level. "Honey, I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm sorry that I've made you feel like you're not in control of your body. No one is allowed to hurt you. No one is allowed to touch you in ways that make you uncomfortable and no one is allowed to hit you, ever. Ok?" Bruce pleads, wanting me to believe him. "There are things that you need for your safety and your well-being. Not staying close to us can leave you vulnerable to other people, not eating can make you sick."

"I know," I admit, my voice hitching from crying. "I'm sorry, please don't be mad."

Bruce brings me into a hug, wrapping his arms around me while my knees are still curled up to my chest. "Honey, we are not mad at you. We just want to take care of you and protect you. Please eat. Ok?"

I nod, wiping away my tears.

"What would you like to eat?" Bruce asks, still partially hugging me.

I look around to see what's available. "Can we go to Rainforest Café?"

Bruce smiles, "Sure."

We are having a wonderful time at the restaurant. My mouth hangs open as I take in all of the unusual sights and sounds. I'm mesmerized by the plants, waterfalls, animals and the sounds of the rainforest. We laugh a lot and I eat all of my hamburger and fries for Bruce.

After eating, we decide to go on a few more rides but end up leaving the park before dinner. "Want to go swimming again when we get back?" Tony questions.

"Yeah, that sounds great."

Tony leaves for a few minutes to make a phone call. _I'm sure he needs to call the resort to kick everyone out of the pool._

Steve, Clint and Tony take turns throwing me in the water for a while then they get out of the pool while I swim laps.

The team is sitting in lounge chairs that line the side of the pool watching Jamie swim.

"Wow, she's actually pretty good at swimming. I wonder if she was on a swim team. She has some speed and good form," Clint notes, watching Jamie swim.

"I hope she gets back to the point where she can enjoy going to school and playing on sport teams again," Steve responds to Clint's assessment.

"She will," Clint opines. "Kids are remarkably resilient and she has all of us. Not to mention her impressive strong-willed personality." Bruce smiles thinking about Jamie.

"You did a nice job with her today, Bruce," Steve praises. "She really responded to you. It's hard sometimes, but I think her trying to fight us regarding her body is a good thing. A few days ago, she was talking about how she's a toy to be abused, now she's fighting with everything that she has. I think she actually does know that she's safe with us and that we won't hurt her, maybe that's why she is able to practice fighting for herself."

"Yeah, I agree. Today was good for her," Nat says thoughtfully. "Thank you, Tony. You were right, this trip was exactly what she needed."

Tony shrugs off the compliment, secretly happy with himself, "I love seeing her happy."

"Well, it looks like our pool time is almost over," Nat says to the team then directs her attention to Jamie. "It's time to get out now."

"Ok."

We all head inside and change.

"Ready for dinner?" Steve asks.

It's nice that he gives me a choice of when I eat. "I'm still full from lunch."

"Ok, I'll check back with you in about an hour."

"Ok."

"So, what would you like to do?" Tony probes.

"Umm," I mumble feeling a little embarrassed. "Can we just snuggle for a while?"

"I thought you would never ask," Tony smiles taking a seat on the couch, he props his feet up with the TV remote in hand. "What you do want to watch?"

"I don't care."

"Ok, well let's see what's on," Tony responds, flipping through channels.

It's much less exciting to watch TV without having access to Tony's personal library of digital movies but he settles on something. It looks like movie from before I was born, figures. I'm snuggled up against Tony with my teddy bear thinking about the episode at the park. Then, it occurs to me, "Tony, why weren't there any people around when I got upset at the park?"

"Oh, well…," Tony stammers, reluctant to tell me but decides on the truth, "…I have a security team following us keeping people at a distance. We wanted to limit your exposure to people who could have been in contact with Cross. It's not very likely but we don't want to take any chances." Tony braces for my anger.

"Oh, ok."

"You're not mad?" Tony asks surprised.

"No. I was worried about causing problems while at Disney. I didn't want anyone else to see that."

"I'm glad that you're not upset with me."

Clint interrupts, having heard me talking from the dining table, "And they're not problems, remember?"

I sigh then nod. _But they are_ , I think to myself. Knowing that my new, highly unusual family has my back, I close my eyes and fall asleep.


	50. Chapter 50

Chapter 50

When I wake up from my nap, I notice the mood has changed. Clint is on the phone and Bruce is looking out the window; Nat and Steve are gone. Tony is still on the couch with me, but his brow is furrowed and his muscles are tense. "What's wrong?"

"Huh? Oh you're awake," Tony responds, distracted.

"Yeah, I am. What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, honey."

Clint sees that I'm awake so he goes into his bedroom and closes the door. "Something is definitely wrong. Did I do something bad?"

Bruce comes over to sit on the couch beside me, looking at Tony with some kind of unspoken communication. Bruce begins, "We have been watching Marcus, the boy who hurt you." Just hearing his name ignites my panic but I need to know what's going on. "We wanted to stop him before he could hurt someone else."

"Ok, s-s-so what happened today?" I ask softly, my voice shaky.

"He tried to hurt another little girl but we were able to stop him. He was arrested about an hour ago. Nat and Steve went to interview him," Bruce explains gently.

Tony puts his arm on my shoulder but I flinch at his touch. "Everything is ok. He can't hurt you anymore, we are making sure he ends up behind bars."

I get up and run to my room nearly knocking Bruce over. Tony follows calling my name, trying to get me to stop but I don't. I want to be alone. I'm able to get inside my room and close and lock the door right before Tony gets to the door. He pounds on the door, yelling, "Jamie, open this door!" I begin to cry; the yelling heightens my panic and fear. I hide in the bathroom, locking this door too, crouching on the floor of the shower with my hands covering my ears, curled up with my knees against my chest and my head tucked in the crevice of my knees.

A few minutes later, Clint is at the door. "Jamie, honey, it's Clint. Please open the door." _Clint. Clint help me. I won't move. I won't talk._ The door makes a pop sound signally that it's no longer locked. Although I know its Clint, I feel more exposed, vulnerable, and afraid. "Jamie?" The bathroom door's lock makes the same pop sound.

I curl up even tighter, P _lease, don't hurt me. Please, I won't move, I won't talk. Please don't._ My body shakes uncontrollably, losing control of my bladder. Tears are flowing but I don't really feel like I'm crying. Every sensation is on overload, so much so that I struggle to make sense of everything. Clint comes into the shower, picking me up. I flinch, maybe scream, _'Are you allowed to make noise?'_ The boy's voice echoing inside my head. I flinch again waiting for the beating but instead I feel Clint squeezing me tight, talking softly to me, "You're ok, baby girl, no one is going to hurt you. Tony, Bruce and I are here, keeping you safe. Everything is fine, you're safe."

Clint's words and hug are helping some, I'm shaking less and my mind feels a little clearer. The sobs rip through me, overwhelmed with emotion as the adrenaline begins to wear off. Clint holds me for a long time while I calm down. I'm completely exhausted and on edge. An hour or so has gone by since I woke to the news, Clint still holding me while I tremble. Steve and Nat finally return having received an update from Tony on my behavior while they were en route back to the resort. Both enter the bedroom where Clint is still holding me.

"Hi kiddo, we're back," Steve says gently, kneeling next to me.

My gaze adjusts, taking in the owner of the voice but I don't respond. With how they are looking at each other, I can tell there is some unspoken communication going on between them. I don't think I want to know what they are not talking about. Nat leans in next, "Honey, you need a shower. Come on, I'll take you." Nat places her hands on my back gently coaxing me off of Clint's lap and guides me to the bathroom. The others leave the bedroom.

Nat turns on the water then turns to me, "Let's get you ready for the shower."

"No, no, no, no," I whimper backing up against the wall, my eyes wide in fear.

"Ok, relax, I'm not going to hurt you," Nat pacifies while keeping her hands up in front of her showing that she's not a threat. "Will you get in the shower and then undress?"

I nod but wait for Nat to back away a few feet giving me a clear path to the shower before I step in and close the curtain. I remove my pants and my shirt but leave my undergarments on, keeping my arms wrapped around my mid-section. I stand underneath the stream of warm water in a daze. while Nat picks out some clothes for me and brings them into the bathroom. "How ya doing in there?"

I don't respond.

"Jamie?" Nat presses, a hint of concern in her voice. "Please answer me so I know you're ok."

I don't respond, feeling no urgency to talk, feeling nothing, my body shaking even though the water is warm.

Wanting to make sure that I am ok, Nat reaches in the shower to turn the water off. I shuffle to the back of the shower accepting the towel that Nat hands me so I can be covered. Briskly, I dry off, staying behind the curtain for protection. Nat hands me new clothes that I change into one piece at a time not leaving the shower stall until I'm completely dressed. I'm so tired, all I want is to sleep and be alone. I go right to my bed and lay down, grabbing my teddy bear and pulling the covers up over my head. Nat opens the door, signaling to the others that I'm done showering.

Everyone comes in the room and sits on my bed all around me. Someone puts their hand on my shoulder, I flinch, still feeling scared. _Are you allowed to move?_

After another minute or so, I hear Hulk, "Hold Jamie." Hulk pulls down the covers some, revealing my face and arms. In that moment, all I want is for Hulk to hold me. I reach up my arms allowing Hulk to pick me up, comforting me. I hide my face against his chest soaking up the sense of safety. He utters soft soothing sounds to console me; my body calms, feeling safer now that Hulk is holding me. I start to again cry as my mind becomes clearer. Hulk continues to comfort me, patting my back gently, "Jamie safe, Hulk make Jamie safe."

His words hit me hard. "I was so scared," I manage to say through heavy sobs, squeezing Hulk tighter. He continues to hold me, patting my back, allowing me to cry and calm down.

"Jamie better now?" Hulk asks.

I nod. Hulk puts me back down on the bed. I immediately grab my teddy bear and curl up, trying not to look at everyone who is still sitting on my bed waiting for me.

"You ok baby girl?" Clint asks.

I don't answer. _I really don't want to talk about this_.

Steve tries next, "So, Bruce and Tony told you that we were going to talk to Marcus Hillary, right?"

I nod.

"Do you want to know what happened?"

I shake my head.

"Ok, we won't talk about it with you unless you ask us to, alright?"

I nod, eager for this to end. "I'm really tired, can I go to bed now?"

"Sure, but one of us will stay with you."

"Ok." I lay down in my bed and Steve lays next to me on top of the covers, allowing me to snuggle next to him.

"Feeling better now?"

"Yeah, some." It doesn't take long for me to fall asleep again.

* * *

Clint and Steve are watching Jamie sleep, both wanting to be near her. Clint talks about the afternoon struggles, "She was so scared, it was awful to see her completely overcome with fear like that. Bruce explained that Marcus was being watched and that you and Nat went to talk to him and that was it. She sat on my lap for an hour, shaking, nonresponsive. And now look at her, she's sucking her thumb. We haven't seen her do that before."

"Yeah, it breaks my heart to see her suffering. That kid really messed her up."

"Were you able to get much out of him?" Clint probes, hoping the trip was successful.

"I decided not to face him, but well, you know Nat, she got him to confess everything within the first ten minutes. They should be able to put him away for a long time with that. Jamie won't need to testify."

"Well, that's great because I don't think she would be able to handle that anytime soon."

"Did you talk to Laura yet?"

"I called her when Nat took Jamie in for a shower."

"It's nice that you have someone who you can talk to during the more difficult times."

"Yes, it definitely helps. Laura contemplated coming down here to be with her. I'm not sure if another person would have been helpful or if Laura, being a mother, would have been exactly what she needed. I just don't know. I'm out of my element with how to handle these situations."

"I know what you mean."

Jamie begins to flinch, periodically a whimper escapes her. "She's having a nightmare," Steve observes then begins to shake Jamie, trying to wake her up. Within a few moments, Jamie bolts upright breathing heavy and trembling.

* * *

"It's just a dream, Jamie, you're ok," Clint tries to comfort me while I piece together what's going on.

Steve touches my shoulder to help but I flinch, "Jamie…Jamie….it's me, it's Steve."

I turn to see Steve looking at me, concern etched on his face. "I'm sorry," I whisper softly, beginning to cry.

"Come here," Steve welcomes me into his arms, "You don't have to say sorry. I understand, you're scared. It's ok. You were having a bad dream."

I nuzzle against his chest sobbing quietly into his now damp shirt, wanting to be held tight.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I vehemently shake my head.

"Ok, ok. You don't have to talk about it. Don't worry, you're safe," Steve tries to calm me rubbing soothing circles on my back.

He holds me for a few more minutes then checks in with me. "Better?"

I nod, then settle back into my bed, snuggling against Steve. I start to feel safe knowing that Steve and Clint are with me. It takes some time but I am able to fall back asleep.

The next morning, I wake up just as exhausted as when I went to bed from having multiple nightmares. Steve and Clint stayed with me during the night to help but now Nat and Bruce are here. As soon as my eyes open, Nat chirps, "Good morning, kiddo, how are you feeling?"

I grunt then throw the covers up over my head, letting everyone know that I don't want to deal with anyone or anything. Nat sits next to me on the bed, "Want to snuggle?"

Nat's offer for snuggles sounds wonderful. I pull down the covers and nod, a stray tear running down my cheek. She gets set up so I can lie against her while she wraps her arm around me. Nat brushes my wayward hair away from my face and lays her hand on my cheek for a few moments before kissing my head. Soaking up the comfort, I wrap my arm around her waist and squeeze tight, enjoying Nat's motherly touch. I especially love when Nat snuggles me because she hums a soothing melody while rocking slightly.

"You ok?" Nat prompts when she reaches the end of the tune.

I don't respond but tuck my face in partially under my arm. Nat continues to snuggle with me for a while.

"Nat?"

"What's up sweetie?"

"I don't want to be so weird and emotional, I want to be strong like you. Nothing ever seems to bother you. How do I learn to not let stuff bother me?"

"First of all, things do get to me. Seeing you scared yesterday, I felt sad and angry. I was trained to not let it show, to hide it away so I can still complete missions. I don't want that for you. I'm actually trying to learn to be more like you."

I gawk at Nat, "What? Why would you want to be more like me? That's crazy."

"I'm sure it doesn't feel like it now, but as you learn to deal with your emotions in a healthy way, you get stronger. You're going to be much stronger than me someday and because you are learning healthy ways to cope, you're also going to be much happier."

I honestly don't know what to say. I snuggle back in against Nat, trying to process this revelation, thinking about Nat being unhappy bothers me, a lot. "So, you're not happy?"

Nat squeezes tighter, "You make me happy. I love getting to hang out with you and snuggle you and see you smile." Nat kisses the top of my head. "It amazes me just how strong you are. That's why I want to be more like you. Despite everything that has happened, you're still kind, loving and somehow you are able to trust us to take care of you. I hope you know how much we love you." I smile, feeling special.

Sensing that I am feeling somewhat better now, she suggests that we get ready for the day. "You need another shower, using soap and shampoo this time." I comply, following her into the bathroom, still thinking about her words.

I immediately freeze, suddenly feeling vulnerable and scared. Nat wraps her arms around me ignoring the flinches when she touches me, "I will stay in the bedroom, ok? We need to leave the door open a few inches but I will let you have privacy in the bathroom. Alright?" I don't respond so Nat pulls away from the hug just enough to look at my face, then places her hands on either side of my head. She sees that my eyes are distant but responsive so she continues to hold me for a little while. "You are ok. You are safe here. I won't hurt you; I won't let anybody hurt you."

I feel myself settling down some. I nod, indicating that I am ready to shower now. Nat looks at me for a few moments, deciding whether or not I really am ready. She decides to try it. "Ok, I'm going to wait for you in the bedroom. If you need anything just ask, ok? I will be close enough that I will hear you."

I nod.

Nat leaves the bathroom, partially closing the door. I wish I could shut and lock the door but I know this is a huge concession already. I have my clothing sitting on the stand next to the shower stall and my towel is on the hook. I step into the shower before removing my clothing then start the water. I wash my body with soap and shampoo my hair. I feel somewhat better already just by being in the shower with the warm water following over me, the calming scent of the shampoo, and finally feeling clean. When I'm done, I turn the water off, dry myself and get dressed while in the stall to keep myself covered. While I'm brushing my teeth, Nat knocks on the door, "Can I come in now?"

I don't respond so Nat deems it safe to come in since I didn't say no. "Come on, I'll dry your hair in the bedroom. I follow Nat to the desk area that she has set up to blow dry my hair. Noticing my reflection in the mirror, I look away, hating myself: so weak, so vulnerable, so bad. _Nat's wrong about me._


	51. Chapter 51

Chapter 51

Once my hair is dry we head out to the living room. Tony is sitting in the dining area on his tablet, drinking coffee. I don't see Steve and Clint but the bedroom doors are closed so maybe they are sleeping. When Tony spots me, he opens up his arms for a hug. I go to him, sitting on his lap, with his arms around me while I lay my head against his chest. Tony holds me tight, kissing the top of my head. "How are you feeling?" Tony asks, not breaking the hug.

"I'm ok," I respond simply, hiding what I'm truly feeling. He seems relieved that I'm at least talking.

"I'm happy to hear you're doing better," Tony murmurs, continuing to hold me, stroking my hair. "It's been almost a full day since you last ate anything. So, even if you don't feel like eating you need to eat something, ok? You don't want Bruce to have a coronary, right?" Tony jokes but I know he's serious about me eating.

I nod.

"Ok, so what would you like to eat? You can have cereal, eggs, bacon, a sandwich, pretty much whatever you want, if we don't already have it I'll get it."

"Um, eggs and bacon?"

Tony smiles, "Sounds great."

Nat sets off to start making the meal, "Tony, do you want some too?"

"Absolutely, I'm going to eat breakfast with my girl," Tony hums, then kisses my head again and gives me another squeeze.

I smile. I like being Tony's girl.

Nat makes us breakfast. The smell of bacon lures Clint and Steve out of bed too. We all sit around the table, eating bacon and eggs. I am quiet but am enjoying the time with my parents. I really do feel safe and loved with them and they are able to keep themselves safe from my power. Thinking about the past couple of months, I'm so grateful to them for everything that they do for me, knowing they do not have to, they do it all, put up with all my craziness because they love me. I hope I can be as good of a kid as they are as parents.

When I finish eating, I put my plate in the sink then head to the living room area. They let me move around more alone because the kitchen, dining area and living area are basically one big room. Bruce seems satisfied that I've eaten enough, I showered for Nat, and Tony was happy that I talked to him earlier. I really want to be a good girl today.

Sitting down on the couch, I try to keep my back straight with good posture then pick up a magazine and look at the pictures. I can feel them looking at me, so I keep trying to be the perfect kid. _Oh no, I didn't ask to be excused from the table._ Panic bubbles inside but I want to be a good girl so I push it away. _Maybe since they didn't say anything right away that that rule isn't such a big deal for them. Yeah that's it._ I don't like the magazine so I neatly place it on the coffee table and reposition myself on the couch with perfect posture, folding my hands on my lap. I hear a few whispers from the table but they don't sound happy. _I must have done something wrong._ The panic I'm trying to hide continues to churn, knowing that I need to be a good girl, I can't mess this up. If I try hard enough, I will be a good girl.

Steve comes over and sits on the coffee table in front of me. "How are you kiddo?" Steve probes with a questioning look.

"I'm fine, thank you," I respond politely with a smile.

"Ok," Steve remarks, narrowing his eyes slightly, trying to figure out what's going on. "What are you doing?"

"I am waiting patiently for everyone to finish breakfast," I say putting on my best well-mannered smile, but not making eye contact so Steve doesn't see the panic inside of me.

"Jamie, what's going on?" Steve asks, concern etched on his face.

"I…I already told you. I'm waiting patiently for everyone to finish breakfast," I repeat, worried that I'm doing this wrong. _Maybe, I'm just not a good girl._ I think but try to shake the thought away. Everyone else joins us in the living room taking seats around me and Steve. "Oh look, everyone is done eating breakfast," I shakily say, trying to distract Steve before he pounces, trying to control my fear of being bad.

Steve looks around at the others, unspoken communication between them, trying to figure out their game plan. _I hate when they do this. I'm fine, I'm not being bad right now. Why are they setting up a talk circle?_ Steve nods then everyone moves closer to me.

I flinch as everyone takes their spot no more than an arm's length away. "Why are you doing a talk circle? I'm being a good girl," I plead frantically. "I'm being good, I promise." My tears betray me as they being to stream down my red cheeks.

"Jamie, you already are a good girl. You don't have to behave in a certain way to please us," Steve explains, softly.

"No, I have to be a good girl," I complain, the earlier panic spewing like a volcano preparing for a full-blown eruption.

"Why do you have to be a good girl?"

"I need to be punished when I'm bad. I have to be a good girl, or I will be punished," I sob, torrents of tears stream down my cheeks.

Steve scoops me up then sits where I was sitting while setting me on his lap to hold me. "You are a good girl. No one will be punishing you."

My head is lying on Steve's chest just under his chin. "You have to punish me when I bad. That's how it ends and I can be a good girl again." I whine, "You have to punish me…please…please." My pleas interrupted by my sobbing.

Steve continues to hold me, cradling my head in his hand as I lie against his chest. "You are a good girl Jamie, you really are and you do not need to be punished. What you're talking about was something awful that was done to you, it was not punishment to help you, it was assault which is a crime. That boy will be going to jail for what he did to you."

My surprise lessens my crying, my hitching voice the only remnants from earlier. "What do you mean?"

"You know that Nat and I went to talk to Mr. Hillary, right?"

I nod.

"We caught him in the act of hurting someone. He was arrested and is in jail right now. He confessed to hurting you. He agreed to something called a plea deal. That means he agrees to a certain consequence instead of having a trial. He will be in jail for a long time."

I spend several minutes thinking about what Steve said. My thoughts and feelings are all over the place.

"What questions do you have?" Steve asks.

"Umm, I don't know. You said he was hurting someone, are there others too?"

"Yes. He confessed to hurting many kids, he will serve time in jail for all of them. The police are investigating how many people there are."

"How many since he hurt me?"

"I don't know. Why?"

"How many could I have been able to prevent if I would have just told my dad?"

"Jamie, don't go down that path. None of this is your fault, it's all on him. You can't expect that you could have done anything differently."

"I want to be alone," I insist, looking away from them.

Steve sighs, "Sorry kiddo, you need to have one of us with you."

"I need time to think about this. I don't want to be distracted from it."

Steve looks around at the others for their input. "You need one of us with you but you can go to your room with someone if you want."

I growl then get up from Steve's lap, stomping off to my bed where I lie with my bear in my arms and my covers up over my head. I guess even being allowed to be in my room is a compromise.

 _Will he blame me? Will I get in trouble too? Wasn't it my fault? Could I have prevented this? Will other people find out? What if he doesn't go to jail, will he come after me? Why didn't I tell dad about it? I could have stopped him._ I start to cry thinking about everyone who is also hurting. Within moments Steve is by my side, pulling me out from under the covers and into his arms, cradling my head and stroking my hair. I allow Steve to hold me, I guess I don't really want to me alone, I wanted space to think. I'm not sure if I'm more afraid of Marcus coming after me or if I feel guilty for not saying something a long time ago to stop him.

When I start to calm down, Steve asks, "Want to talk about it?"

I shake my head.

"Ok, maybe later," Steve says

"Can we go do something?" I want a distraction, something to keep my mind off of the most recent events.

"Sure, want to go swimming or maybe to one of the parks or to the beach?"

"Not the beach. Maybe a park."

"Ok, let's go. Hollywood Studios?"

"Yeah, that sounds good."

Steve talks to the others who make quick plans to go to the park. We all head out within a half hour to the monorail. I sit quietly, watching the various parts of Disney go by in a flash. I hope that the day at the park goes well with no problems, gets my mind off of things, and we all have fun. We arrive at the monorail station at Hollywood Studios, depart the train and walk through the gates. I am trying to do better, but so far, I've been moping.

I walk up beside Tony and reach for his hand. Tony goes with it, allowing me to hold his hand, helping me to feel safer. Tony has a smile on his face, I think he likes that I want to hold his hand. I am also more aware of the distance that other people are forced to maintain with Tony's security detail. We ride several rides, cutting to the front of the line each time. I stay right beside Tony the entire day. I ask to go on the Star Wars ride a couple times. Tony goes with me each time. Then we go to the 50's Prime Time Café for dinner. I opt to sit between Tony and Steve, but don't actually eat much.

When I notice Bruce watching me, I take a bite of food but mostly just move the food around on the plate so it looks like I ate more food. Bruce confronts me, not fooled by my deceit, "Five more bites." My heart sinks, I can't eat more food. I look over at Tony hoping he will save me from this. Not a chance, Tony gives me an 'I'm waiting' look. The request feels overwhelming like they are asking me to eat an entire elephant, I debate whether to fight them on this. _I can ruin the day by causing a problem but maybe by causing a problem, they will punish me somehow even if it's just IVs. I guess I can just refuse to eat, what are they going to do here in a restaurant._

"Jamie," Steve says, gaining my attention. "We would really like for you to eat five more bites; will you do that?"

 _Argh, I hate when Steve goes nice on me_. I sigh then eat five more bites, making them as small as I can get away with.

"Thank you."

Bruce is smiling at me, _he's so annoying_. I can't wait to get out of this restaurant, away from the food. As we are walking out of the restaurant, I ask Tony if I can use the bathroom. Tony nods so I enter the restroom alone. Remarkably, Nat doesn't follow so she either doesn't know or decided not to follow.

I choose the stall on the far end of the bathroom, the toilet capturing my attention when I enter. I have an overwhelming desire to make myself throw up. I stick my fingers down my throat, causing the gag reflex, my dinner comes up and into the toilet. The feeling of power and control is incredible. I wipe my lips and flush away the evidence. Feeling a little guilty but enjoying the rush. I open the stall door to Nat glaring at me. The serious look on her face scares me, I don't know for sure if she knows what I did or if she's mad that I asked Tony instead of getting her.

"Umm, hey," I say then try to move around her without further eye contact.

Nat blocks my way by putting her arm on the wall next to the stall but she doesn't say anything.

"What?" I bark annoyed, not making eye contact.

"Did you throw up?" Nat asks sharply, clearly upset with me.

"Yeah, my stomach was upset. I feel better now."

"Why didn't you tell Bruce that you didn't feel well?"

"He will make us leave," I continue the lie, still avoiding eye contact with Nat.

"Wash your hands," Nat instructs sternly.

I comply washing and drying my hands, avoiding any eye contact with Nat, face to face and through the mirror. I sigh, she definitely knows that I'm lying, she might have even been in the bathroom when I threw up. I don't want to have to deal with this. I take a deep breath then head out of the bathroom with Nat following close behind. I'm pretty sure Nat already told the others what happened because she ushers me to a room in the back of the restaurant. I freeze when I see that the others have already set up a talk circle. Nat grabs my arm with one hand and wraps her other arm around my back across my shoulder blades to make me walk to the circle dropping me off at one of the empty chairs then she takes her seat. _This is my punishment, I deserve to be punished,_ I think to myself allowing my body to calm down some.

"What happened in the bathroom?" Steve asks calmly.

"I already told Nat what happened. I felt sick, threw up in the bathroom. Why is that a problem?" I say defensively.

"It's not, if you're telling us the truth," Steve rebuts.

"It is the truth, I did throw up."

"We know that you threw up, we're trying to figure out why."

"I already told you why too." I contest, angry, my arms crossed tightly against my chest.

"Did you make yourself throw up?"

"No."

"I don't think you are telling the truth," Steve refutes.

Indignant, angry Steve said I was lying, I try to leave but of course am stopped right away. I fight against him so Steve moves into a restraint backing up to the wall, sitting us on the floor. The others join us on the floor, restraining my legs. I fiercely wrench my body, kicking my legs, trying to get free. I enjoy the fight and the restraint knowing that I deserve this, I need to be punished. I fight harder wanting more punishment. They just wait it out until I am tired.

"Ready to talk now?" Steve asks.

"No!"

As if I had said yes, Steve continues, "Why did you make yourself throw up?"

I don't respond.

"Why did you make yourself throw up?" Steve pauses for a few seconds then repeats himself, "Jamie, why did you make yourself throw up?"

I fight some more, not wanting to open my mouth or cry.

"Why did you make yourself throw up?"

"Stop!"

"Why did you make yourself throw up?"

"Please," I whine then scream, "Stop!" breaking down into tears.

"Why did you make yourself throw up?"

"I don't know!" I admit, a last resort now that I'm exhausted and angry.

"Were you planning to make yourself throw up because you had to eat more?"

"No."

"Did you want to punish yourself?"

I don't respond. My silence speaks volumes.

"Did you want to have more control of the situation?"

I don't respond because I'm beginning to lose it.

I lie back still being restrained, giving in to my emotions. _I'm bad. I need to be punished. It's my fault. Why did dad leave me? Why did he give me to him?_

Seeing that I'm becoming non-responsive, Steve repositions me on his lap so I am snuggling on his chest. "It's not your fault, baby girl. You don't deserve to be punished, you deserve to be loved and protected. Stay with us, Jamie. Remember, you're at Hollywood Studios at Disney World. We are going to go on more rides then we will stay and watch the nighttime show. You deserve to have fun, to be happy, be loved, you deserve to be a kid."

I wipe my face with my hands, letting Steve know that I am with him and am calming down. Steve continues to hold me. I soak up his love which is a beacon in the midst of all of my emotions and crazy life circumstances.

"I'm sorry," I apologize, sorry that I caused a problem.

Steve squeezes harder, kissing the top of my head.

Bruce comes to sit in front of me. "I'm not going to stop monitoring your food. You are bordering on being sick from not eating. So, you still need to eat before we can go back to the rides." Bruce hands me a chicken nugget. I take a bit then another finishing the nugget. After I chew, Bruce hands me another nugget. Bruce continues handing me food until half of the food is gone. "Do you want more?" I shake my head. "Ok, you've had enough food for now. Drink some water." Bruce hands me a bottle of water of which I drink about half. Bruce is pacified with how much I ate and drank. "After about forty-five minutes, Nat will take you to the bathroom, you will have to wait until then to go."

 _Just great, more restrictions,_ I think to myself, irritated that I caused another problem and that I didn't foresee what the consequences would really be.

"Ready to go back to the park?" Tony asks.

I nod getting up from Steve's lap and taking Tony's hand again. We ride on a few more rides then we decide to go to the amphitheater where the nighttime show will begin in about a half hour. We have special comfy seats again thanks to Tony. Again, I sit in between Tony and Steve feeling safe. The show begins with loud sounds that make me flinch. I look over at Steve, who asks, "Want to leave?"

"No, but can I sit on your lap?"

Steve opens his arms for me to climb up on his lap. I curl up so I can be close to Steve and still watch. I am mesmerized by the water screens and the grand scale of the lake in the front. The performance is amazing. I manage to stay awake for the entire show but am very tired by the end.

When we are walking back to the monorail station, I start to feel sick. "Steve, I don't feel good."

"What's wrong?"

"My head feels funny, like before."

Steve looks over at Bruce. "She said she feels lightheaded."

Bruce looks at my pupils and takes my pulse. "Here, drink some water," Bruce says, handing me a full bottle of water.

I take the bottle and drink. Bruce turns to Steve, "She may be dehydrated. If this doesn't help after about twenty minutes we will need to do a scan." I finish the bottle of water.

Steve asks, "Want me to carry you?"

I nod and lift my arms to be picked up. We continue heading to the monorail but instead of feeling better, I feel worse, my body starts to quake as if freezing cold. "Jamie, are you cold or scared?"

"No," I say, "…but I'm feeling worse."

Bruce asks, "What's wrong?"

"I'm all shaky and my head feels really funny."

"Let's get her back to the room. I have some equipment there."

I fall asleep on the way but am swiftly woken up every time I doze off. I'm so tired, I don't know why they won't let me sleep.


	52. Chapter 52

Chapter 52

The team gets back to the resort after a grueling ten-minute monorail ride. Jamie is taken right to Bruce's room where he has some basic medical equipment and everything he needs to run the tests to see if anyone has been using the mind control weapon or if mind meddling has occurred.

"Well, no mind control or mind meddling. I don't understand why she felt shaky and so lightheaded. We probably should run a CT scan," Bruce offers.

Jamie whimpers, capturing both Steve and Bruce's attention, the men simultaneously checking on her, "What's wrong?"

"He knows, he knows," Jamie says faintly.

"Who knows?" Steve asks.

"He's mad at me."

"What?"

"He's mad at me for telling." Jamie grabs her head, a pained look upon her face then loses consciousness again.

Clint sits on the bed next to Jamie, holding her hand and rubbing her forehead. "Bruce, she's burning up."

The doctor checks Jamie's temperature quickly with one of the many pieces of medical equipment that were brought along just in case something happened. "Her temp is 105. We need to get the fever under control." Bruce instructs Steve and Clint to set up the tub with cool water then Steve carries Jamie to the bathroom and puts her in the tub.

Jamie immediately responds with a yelp, "It's cold, it's cold!"

"I know baby, but we have to bring down your fever," Steve consoles trying to keep his own panic in check while forcing the wriggling girl to stay in the cool water.

"Ok, we can take her out of the water now but don't dry her off or change her out of the wet clothes, that will keep her cooling down," Bruce directs.

Jamie is brought back to the bedroom, continuously monitored by the team. She appears to be hallucinating, talking, well mumbling anyway, but irrelevant to what's going on.

"We should get her back to the compound, she needs more treatment than I can do here and I prefer to not go through a local hospital."

"Ok, I'll make the arrangements. Go ahead and bring her down to the car," Tony says while pulling out his phone already walking toward the exit.

Bruce, Steve and Clint take Jamie to the car where Tony and Nat are waiting. Steve continues to hold Jamie while Tony drives to the airport. "She's not shaking as much and I think her fever is going down some," Steve comments.

Bruce looks at Jamie's pupils, she wriggles away from the light. "Yeah, she seems more responsive too. I still want to get her back for a CT scan and some blood work. I want to find out what's causing this."

It's a short drive to the airport and doesn't take long for the jet to be in the air. Jamie is strapped onto a bed for the flight with Steve and Bruce by her side. Clint is flying but asks for regular updates. Looking at Jamie, Steve sadly smiles, "She's going to be so mad that we left and if she wakes up while strapped to the bed, I don't want to think about how she will respond."

Tony interjects, singularly focused on getting Jamie back to the compound, "We can go back once she's better if she wants."

Laura is waiting for the team to arrive, worried about Jamie. Bruce takes her directly to the CT scanner. They are gone for nearly a half hour, giving the rest of the team and Laura just enough time to think about what all might be wrong.

Bruce addresses everyone once he finishes the test. "There is some swelling but we're not sure why yet. With the high fever, we are looking into possible infections. We started her on oxygen and IV fluids again. I set up a round of intravenous feeding too in case the problem is related to malnutrition."

"Is she awake?" Laura asks.

"No. She was hallucinating so we sedated her. You can go in if you want though."

Laura nods then she and Clint go into Jamie's room. Laura goes right to Jamie's side, holding her hand and talking to her. Laura asks Clint, "Why does she have trouble with swelling on her brain, one of the devices or her power maybe?"

"I don't know but Bruce doesn't think that it will be a lifelong problem."

Jamie makes a few noises, Bruce hears and comes to check on her, "How long has she been making noise?"

"It just started," Clint responds.

Bruce checks Jamie's pupils and pulse, seeing that she's agitated, coming out of the sedation. Bruce takes a seat next to her waiting for her to open her eyes.

"What? What's going on?" I sputter, blinking my eyes open, confused and anxious.

"We are back at the compound in the infirmary. You had a high fever."

"Oh, right, I didn't feel good."

"You have some swelling again on your brain but it's not too bad. Your fever has come down some too."

I grab fistfuls of hair close to my head, squeezing my hands shut tight while pushing against my temples. I am angry and my head feels funny. Bruce holds both of my arms firm but gentle near my wrists so I don't pull out my hair, then guides my arms back down when I release my grip.

"What's going on?" Bruce asks.

I shake my head, not wanting to say my awful thoughts.

Laura leans in placing her hand on my cheek, "Jamie, please tell us, it's important."

I look down feeling sad and guilty.

"Jamie, would you like to talk to someone else instead?" Laura asks without a hint of ill-will.

I look at her, then to Clint and to Bruce. I return to looking down; I don't think this will be easier to say with anyone else.

"I…" I start to feel even sicker all of a sudden, unable to speak.

"Are you ok?" Bruce asks urgently seeing the immediate change.

I shake my head. I feel like I might pass out or throw up. Bruce sees that I've become pale so he lays the head of my bed back down and props up my feet. I begin to sweat and shake again. Bruce calls for the nurse who first escorts Laura and Clint out of the room then returns to help Bruce.

"Jamie, are you thinking about what's been bothering you?"

I nod.

I want you to stop thinking about it, think about us playing at the pool or my socks and sandals. The image of Bruce wearing socks with his sandals makes me smile. The color returns to my face and I start to feel less lightheaded. "Better?"

I nod.

Bruce sighs, "Ok, I want you to rest now. I will be back to check on you later, ok? The nurse will stay with you until one of us is back."

I nod then close my eyes.

Bruce holds a meeting to talk to everyone about Jamie's condition. "Jamie is experiencing a psychosomatic condition. When we asked her to talk about what she was feeling, her symptoms worsened significantly but when I asked her to think of something fun, her symptoms improved significantly. We already know that she has been through a lot lately especially since finding out that we arrested Marcus Hillary. There seems to be something else that is bothering her but her body starts to shut down preventing her from talking about it. This isn't something we can make her talk about, we need a different plan."

"Is that what caused the swelling and the fever too?" Tony asks.

"Yes. I haven't seen psychosomatic symptoms this severe before but, then again, we are talking about a girl whose mind blows up when faced with extreme emotions. With the device we implanted, her mind isn't able to deal with these emotions by exploding, for her it's a release of pressure, so her body is taking the brunt of it."

"So, what should we do?"

"I think we need to put her through training again. She will be able to slowly release some of the pressure. Until then, we need to keep her focused on fun and silly things. After she is able to release some of the pressure, she should be able to talk about what's going on," Bruce explains.

"At the restaurant, do you think she was trying to release some of the pressure then?" Steve asks.

"Yes, I imagine she was without realizing that that's what she was doing."

"Can she begin training right now?" Tony asks.

"She can start as soon as the IVs are done, probably within the next twenty minutes."

"I'll prepare my lab. Go ahead and bring her down when she's ready," Tony instructs then leaves to get the room ready.

"How do we explain this to her?"

Bruce responds, "That's kind of your area Steve." Steve sighs.

Laura, Clint, Steve, Nat and Bruce go into Jamie's room to talk to her about the plan. "Hey kiddo, how are you feeling?" Steve asks.

"Better."

"Good, I'm happy to hear you're feeling better."

"When can I leave?" I ask Bruce.

"As soon as the IVs are done, you can leave the infirmary."

"Great, I hate being here. No offense Bruce," I say looking at Bruce with a smile but notice that his returning smile is more anxious than happy. "What's wrong?"

"Um, Jamie, we think you are getting sick because of all of the strong emotions that are stuck inside of you. We want you to resume training to give your mind a way to release some of it," Steve delicately explains the best that he can without fully understanding the problem. "We will all be there with you and Bruce will be available if you pass out. Ok?"

"All of you?" I ask feeling self-conscious.

"Sure, if that's what you want. If not, we don't all have to go," Steve replies.

"Can I talk to Clint alone for a minute?"

"Sure," Steve kisses my forehead then leaves the room with Nat, Bruce and Laura.

"What's up kiddo?" Clint asks sitting in the chair next to me at the head of the bed.

I begin with my head down, not wanting to make eye contact. "I don't know if 'all' includes Laura or not but I don't think she should see this." I feel tears begin to fall down my cheeks. "I don't want to scare her. I'm afraid that she won't want me anymore when she sees what I can do."

Clint puts the railing down on my bed and sits next to me wrapping his arm around my shoulder. "Jamie, Laura loves you, I don't think you can scare her away. Besides, she already knows about your power."

"I imagine it's different if you see it in person. Please, I don't want to exclude her but I also don't want her to think I'm a freak or that I'm dangerous. Right now, she likes me; I don't want to mess that up."

"Don't let Laura hear you talking like that. You can't mess this up. She loves you regardless of what your mind can do. When you were upset at the house, were you afraid that she might stop loving you then?"

I nod.

"Did she?"

"No."

"The same will be true for this. But, you are allowed to say no. She doesn't have to be there and she won't mind going along with what you feel most comfortable with. Ok? It really is fine to say no."

"Ok."

Clint kisses the top of my head while hugging tighter. I wrap my arms around Clint too, feeling loved.

Clint talks to Laura for me who waits upstairs during the training. Everyone else comes downstairs to Tony's lab. "Maybe you guys should watch from the observation room," I suggest not wanting to hurt anyone.

"We are going to stay in here with you, we want to be available to help. Besides you have the device to help control the blast and believe it or not we have all been blown up before," Steve rebuts with a grin.

"Ok," I say, a little surprised that they've been blown up before, wondering how that would work.

I turn around slightly, not wanting to look at anyone, embarrassed. I feel for the layer, it's much stronger now. I push against it but it isn't moving.

"What's wrong?" I hear Steve ask.

"The layer is extra strong, I'm going to have to push a lot harder to move it. Bruce, I'm afraid that I will break it instead of move it, if I can move it at all."

"The device should protect against that. You don't need to move it much, just a little. We can build up to moving it more."

"Ok, I'll try."

I feel around again for the layer which I find quickly. It really does feel like a huge wall now, like I'm trying to move an entire house with my bare hands. I begin to push hard, feeling my body start to sweat and tremble under the pressure. I drop to my knees using my hands to keep myself up. I yell as the pressure builds up, blood running from my nose under the intense pressure.

"Jamie, stop!" Steve yells.

I keep pushing. _I'm not stopping. I don't want to be ok. I want to punish myself. I want to hate myself._

"Jamie!" Steve yells again.

They will have to knock me out to make me stop. My anger grows, allowing me to push harder. I start to think about the boy, everything that he did to me, my dad making me go there, then leaving me. I feel myself raging inside and out, yelling, tears flowing. My guilt piles on too knowing that I let that boy do those things, I asked for more, my body responded to his touch, I killed my mom, I killed Lizzy. Hate for myself overwhelms me, I push harder, my vision blurring with dark spots. _I'm not stopping!_ I keep pushing then I start to feel the layer budge slightly. Steve scoops me up with his arms around me partially restraining me, "Let go of me," I scream at Steve, sharply wrenching my body and kicking trying to get free. His move distracting me from my mission, causing me to let go of the layer.

"Jamie, stop. You're going to hurt yourself."

"I know! I want to hurt myself, I want to die!" I scream, desperately wanting Steve to let go, to let me do this. A feral scream escapes my mouth, more intense than ever, I fight Steve's hold.

"Why?" Steve asks firmly.

"No!" I scream continuing to fight.

"Tell me why."

I growl.

"Tell me why, Jamie," Steve's tone remains firm.

"He gave me to him, I hate him!"

"Who?"

"No! Let me go!" I double my effort to free myself.

"Tell me who."

"Dad!" I scream then start to cry. My tone becoming more betrayed than angry, my body going limp, "My dad. He wanted to go away, he just gave me away, I said I didn't want to go, I told him." Steve sits down and repositions me onto his lap, holding me tight while I cry, cradling my head in his hand. "Why did he want to get away from me? Why did he make me go there? And then he left me, forever!" Without any answers, Steve just holds me, knowing there's nothing he can say that fixes any of this. The others join us, keeping vigil.

We walk back to the living quarters together. I am completely exhausted. It's close to morning now. Although we were there last night, Florida felt like ages ago. I walk toward my room, unsure if they will stop me but no one does. I'm sure Clint is going to go talk to Laura about everything that's happened, how I'm a freak. Nat stays with me while I use the restroom and brush my teeth. I get into bed, missing my teddy bear that was abandoned in Florida with the rest of the things we took. Nat sits with me, humming her lullaby, rubbing my arm and my head, until Steve comes in. "Can we snuggle for a while?"

I don't respond, but Steve takes my silence as an invitation to sit. Steve partially lies on the bed on top of the covers, lifting his arm for me to move closer to snuggle with him but I don't move so he repositions me so my head is resting on his chest and his arm is around me. I lie there unresponsive, not wanting to talk, move, or think. Steve comforts me, rubbing my back, stroking my hair, telling me that he loves me.

Bruce comes into my room to do a quick vitals check: pulse and pupils. I flinch when he shines the light in my eyes. "She's ok, present at least." Bruce lays his hand on my cheek for a few moments then leaves the room.

Clint and Laura are next, peeking in my room before fully entering. Steve waves to them to come in.

Clint says, "Hi baby girl. We just wanted to tell you that we love you." Clint puts his hand along the side of my face and Laura follows suit, combing through my hair with her fingers. Clint and Laura don't stay long.

Steve tells me he loves me a few more times and kisses the top of my head. Before long, I fall asleep feeling safe, knowing that I'm loved.

I wake a few hours later still feeling tired but unable to sleep anymore with the sun shining in my room. Steve physically prompts me to get out of bed and to go to the dining area for breakfast.

When I enter the kitchen, Clint asks, "Want some Cinnamon Toast Crunch?"

I don't respond so he pours a bowl anyway, just in case. Bruce might fight with me but I don't care, I don't want to eat right now.

Sitting up at the table is exhausting so I head to the living area where Tony is sitting on the couch. Tony pats the couch next to him then puts a pillow down on his lap, bringing me into a snuggle, telling me that he loves me. "I know we had to leave Florida quickly but we can go back if you want." I sit up and look at Tony who seems proud of himself for gaining my attention. "Do you want to go back?"

I nod.

Bruce enters the room, "We will need to clear her for travel with a CT scan first."

"How about we fly back down when the doctor here gives us the green light?"

I nod then lie back down on Tony's lap. Tony kisses the top of my head and says, "Love you baby girl."

"Love you too," I respond.

Tony seems surprised at first then kisses my head again. I'm not sure if talking at all surprised him or if what I said did. Bruce also seemed surprised.

Early the next morning, Bruce suggests, "How about we go ahead and run the scan now? That way if more treatment is needed we can get it started, see if we can get back to our trip a little faster."

I nod then follow Bruce to the infirmary; Tony comes with me.

The scan still shows some swelling but Bruce said that we can go as long as I agree to having an IV with oxygen later today.

I readily agree, excited that I have the option to go back now.

Laura leaves around the same time that we leave. I feel a tinge of sadness having to say goodbye to her already. I give Laura a big hug, feeling like I am hugging my mom. Laura said she wants me to visit again soon. I nod but am uncertain about whether or not that's a good idea. I'm sure she noticed my hesitation because she added that she wasn't upset with me for anything.

The rest of us board the jet and resume our trip.


	53. Chapter 53

Chapter 53

It feels so good to be back in Florida. I love that we get to go on a vacation together. It's dinner time when we arrive at the resort so we stop at a restaurant on the way and pick up food. The room is cleaner than when we left but all of our belongings are still here. We all sit down at the table together for dinner. I still haven't talked much but everyone is carrying on various conversations around me. I eat a few bites of food but that's it when I notice Bruce is watching me. He puts up five fingers while motioning toward my plate. I sigh knowing exactly what Bruce is trying to communicate. I eat five more very small bites. Bruce knows that I am cheating but he lets it slide, for now at least.

Steve asks, "Want to go swimming?"

I nod.

Nat comes with me to the bedroom to change. She doesn't let me in the bathroom unsupervised, I'm sure this is part of the forty-five-minute rule now. I hate having so many restrictions but I understand why so I don't fight.

Bruce stays behind instead of going to the pool but the rest of us meet in the living room then walk over together. Again, no one else is at the pool. Steve, Clint and Tony get in the water with me. I climb on Steve's back and let him tow me around the pool for a while. Clint gets the beach ball out and hits it to Tony who isn't paying attention so the ball smacks him in the face. I chuckle when I see Tony's shocked face, who takes his indignation up a notch and splashes Clint. Clint splashes back then asks me if I will be on his side. I don't leave Steve yet, but continue to watch. "Hey Tony, maybe we should get Steve," Clint says trying to get me involved somehow. I hide my head behind Steve who is getting splashed by both Tony and Clint. Tony tries to flank Steve while he is distracted by Clint so I splash Tony.

Tony laughs, "You got me."

"Thanks for having my back Jamie," Steve says then proceeds to also splash Tony.

Protecting Steve's back becomes my role in the game. By the end, I am laughing more and having fun, but I still don't want to talk or maybe I can't talk. I'm not sure which it is.

"Ready to go in?" Nat asks.

I nod then make my way to the ladder where Nat is holding my towel. I really appreciate that Nat still brings my towel without me having to ask.

We walk back inside and change. Bruce already has the oxygen and IV stuff set up next to the recliner. He added an intravenous feeding bag too. __Oh__ , t _ _hat's why he didn't say anything at dinner. I wonder if they were all in on this. Probably.__ I think sourly about how they gang up on me. __I guess it really doesn't matter, I was going to have an IV anyway tonight, the real question is whether they will make me have an IV when I don't need the fluids anymore.__

Bruce asks me to sit down on the recliner while he starts the IV and puts the oxygen on. I sigh, feeling restricted. Clint stays with me in the living room, talking to me about whatever comes to him. I don't respond to his questions or add anything to the conversation. I am lost in my own thoughts, feeling disconnected to my emotions.

"Jamie, Jamie," Steve says trying to get my attention, "Hey, are you ok?"

I look over at him for a moment then nod while looking away.

"Hey," Steve puts his finger under my chin, guiding me to look at him, "What's going on? You're still not talking."

I look away again.

Everyone files into the living room, preparing a talk circle. I want to leave but I'm connected to the IV. I reach over with my left hand to remove the IV when Bruce grabs my hand, "Do not take that out." He is using his serious voice. I curb the desire to rip it out anyway; I'm sure Bruce would tie me down and just restart the IV. __He said that he wanted me to tell him if anything he did scared me, this definitely does.__

Once everyone is seated, Steve begins, "Ok kiddo, what's going on?"

I don't respond, looking down so I don't have to look at any of them directly.

Steve reaches over, putting his hand along the side of my face. "Jamie, what can we do to help?"

I shrug my shoulders. Steve looks around at the others. He's torn on whether he should try to force me to talk or if he should give me more time. Placing both hands gently on either side of my face, he says, "We will be waiting for you when you're ready to talk. Can I hold you?"

I nod, wanting him to comfort me. Steve picks me up then places me on his lap, holding me tight while stroking my hair. I lie curled up sideways against his chest soaking up this feeling of safety and love.

"Are you afraid of loving someone again?" Steve asks thoughtfully.

I sit up, considering what he said. I nod then lie back down again. Steve, hugging me tighter, declares, "We're not leaving."

Curled up on Steve's lap, I feel loved. Sometimes, that scares me. __Steve's right, I think I'm afraid of loving someone again.__

"Loving other people can hurt sometimes but life isn't much fun without having people to share it with. Can you imagine growing up without Lizzy? I know it hurts to lose her but would you really prefer to have not had her?"

I shake my head. A few moments later, I sit up. "Everyone that I love dies. I would have preferred to not have Lizzy so she could still be alive."

"We are teaching you to control your power. You don't have to be afraid of accidentally hurting someone. Besides, I'm not sure Lizzy would have made the same trade."

I think about what Steve said, __Would Lizzy want to be with me knowing that I would kill her?__ "Steve," I pause afraid of completing my sentence, "I love you."

Steve hugs me tight, kissing my head. "I love you too, baby girl." I can feel a few of Steve's tears hit my head.

A short time later, Bruce comes over to remove the IV and the oxygen. He also gives me a kiss and places his hand along my cheek and says, "I love you too."

I reach up, indicating that I want Bruce to pick me up. He complies then moves to sit on the couch with me on his lap, wrapping his arms around me, kissing my head. Bruce doesn't hold me very often so this feels foreign but right. I'm still unsure about Bruce so I don't say that I love him back. I stay with Bruce for a long time, I actually fall asleep while he is holding me.

I wake up during the night with Bruce sitting next to me propped up on pillows asleep. Wow, Bruce stayed with me. I lie back down getting as close to Bruce as I can.

The next morning, when I wake, I'm in the bedroom, alone. That's so weird because there's always someone with me and I don't remember being taken to bed. I head out to the living room. "Good morning, kiddo. How are you on this beautiful morning?" Tony asks while coming over to me as if floating and spinning me around.

I chuckle, "What's got into you?" Tony brings me in again, dancing then spins me again, rolling me out then back in, me giggling the entire time. "Seriously, what's going on?"

"I am now a proud father," Tony pauses for me to catch up.

"What?" I say, afraid to guess what he means because I will be upset if I'm wrong.

"As of this morning, I'm legally your dad."

I jump into Tony's open arms, squeezing tight, happy tears streaming down my cheeks. The others are right beside us, each taking a turn to hug me, all celebrating our new family, Bruce, Clint, Nat and Steve. "I love you baby girl," Steve says then gives me a kiss on my cheek.

"I love you too, Dad." Steve pauses then hugs me tight. "Is it alright if I call you that?"

"Absolutely!"

I look around at the others. Clint says, "I'm your dad, right? Of course, you can call me dad."

Bruce smiles, "I would be honored if you called me dad."

"Yes, you can call me mom." Nat says, with a tear falling down her cheek.

Then, Tony brings me back into his arms, tears in his eyes. "Yes, Jamie, call me dad." I wrap my arms around Tony again, sobbing now, the news, everything, is so overwhelming.

"Dad," I say through my sobs trying the word out. "Dad. Wait. What about Laura?"

Tony goes to the table and picks up his tablet and hands it to me. On the screen is a crying, smiling Laura. "Hi kiddo, you are officially my daughter too and, yes, you can call me mom. I love you Jamie."

"So, how should we celebrate?" Tony asks.

"I don't care as long as we are together." I think for a moment. "Can Laura, Lila, Cooper and Nathaniel come to Florida too?"

Clint takes a turn scooping me up. With a smile ear to ear, Clint says, "They are already on their way."

As I lay in bed, I think about the amazing day that we had. Laura and my new siblings arrived a little over an hour after we talked on Tony's tablet. While we waited, we ate a large breakfast. We went to Disney again, spent the day riding our favorite rides at Magic Kingdom then we went to Hollywood Studios and rode our favorite rides there too; then stayed to watch the nighttime show. The day was perfect.

"Ahem."

I look over and see Laura looking at me from the door way to my bedroom. "Hi Kiddo."

"Hi," I say feeling shy.

Laura sits down on the bed next to me. "Can I tuck you in?"

I smile and nod then snuggle in next to Laura. She reads me a story, __All Together Now__ by Anita Jeram. It's about a bunny mom and her baby bunny, baby duck, and baby mouse children. When Laura gets to the line, ' _ _Its meaning, even if I don't look like a bunny, Mommy Rabbit's still my mommy just the same,'__ tears begin to fall. Laura continues reading, ' _ _As well as singing their special song, the little Honeys play all sorts of special games together. They play splashy-sploshy games…'__ I start to sob thinking about the fun we had playing in the pool. The story has a new sibling that fits in well with the other kids and a mom who loves all the kids the same. The story highlights their differences as well as their similarities and that they are able to have fun and be together through it all.

When Laura finishes the book, she gives me a great big hug and says, "I love you, Little Honey." I smile, hugging back. The others, who were waiting outside my door, file in when Laura finishes her story. They all give hugs and kisses, telling me they love me, that I'm special to them.

Everyone leaves except Laura and Clint who sit on either side of me, loving on me until I fall asleep.

The next day we spend time at the pool. All of us playing in the water. I am self-conscious about the scars on my legs, not wanting the kids or Laura to see them. I spend a lot of time hanging from Steve's back or having Steve throw me. Cooper and Lila see Steve throw me so they also want turns being thrown in the water. I share Steve, knowing that they also have to share Clint and Laura.

After dinner, Laura and the kids head home. I give them all hugs and promise to visit soon. We spend the rest of the evening playing at the resort's game room. I love getting to hang out and have fun with my new dads and moms.

Tony is tucking me in tonight. "Did you have fun today?"

I nod and smile.

"I had fun too. Anything else that you want to do in Florida?"

"Umm. Nothing in particular. I just like hanging out with everyone."

"Ok. Well, we probably should head back home soon."

I sigh then nod, "Ok." I pause, deciding if I really want to continue, "Tony?"

"Yeah?"

"Does Pepper know that you adopted me?"

"Yes."

"What does she think about it?"

"She likes you."

"I know that she likes me but what does she think about you adopting me?"

"She thinks that you're a great kid and she made me promise to deserve you," Tony says with a grin.

"What does that mean?"

"Well, I've done a lot of irresponsible things in my life. Now, I can't afford to be irresponsible because you need me to be a great dad. Honestly kiddo, having you makes everything else seem so childish. I want to be better for you."

"Oh, ok."

"Why do you ask?"

"Umm, no reason."

"Jamie, I know you better than that. I can see it in your eyes."

I sigh, "I guess I just wanted to know if she was ok with it or if she wasn't, if you would…I don't know, forget it." I shake my head and look away.

Understanding dawns on Tony, "I see, you're worried that I will leave you if Pepper doesn't want you to be part of our family if we get married." I look down and away, uncomfortable with showing my feelings. "Jamie, you are my daughter, that won't change. If I met a woman who doesn't get along with you then she's not the woman for me. You and I are a pair now. Ok?"

I nod feeling somewhat better.

"Well, it's time for bed now. Want me to snuggle with you?"

I smile and nod, then adjust my position so Tony can get on the bed and I can lie against his chest. "I can hear your heart beating," I say smiling.

Tony smiles and kisses the top of my head.

 ** **A/N****

 ** **The book I mentioned in this chapter is**** ** _ **All Together Now**_** ** **by Anita Jeram.**** I ** **t's a cute story for kids who are going through adoption.****


	54. Chapter 54

Chapter 54

The next morning, everyone is gathering up stuff and packing, except for me. I'm sitting on the floor in front of the sliding glass door, looking longingly through the glass at the ducks playing in the pond and the palm trees swaying in the light breeze. The serene, pleasant feeling outside does not reflect the sadness that I feel. _I don't want to go back to the compound, it reminds me of bad things._

"Jamie, go pack your suitcase," Steve says when he notices my inactivity.

I ignore him. Wanting to prolong this moment as long as I can.

"Jamie?" Steve says a little louder.

I continue to ignore him.

Steve sits next to me on the floor. "What's going on?"

I don't respond. I continue to watch the peaceful and happy scene on the other side of the door that doesn't include me, longing for more time here.

Steve tries to get my attention by putting his hand on my shoulder and saying my name. I look over, unable to ignore him any longer.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing," I say then return my attention to outside.

"After you're done packing we can go for a walk around the lake before we go, sound good?"

I smile then get up to pack my bag. It doesn't take long, Nat has been keeping my things organized. I guess she does have a lot of time to kill while I'm in the bathroom. When my bag is packed and my teddy bear is sitting on my bag, I announce to Steve that I'm ready. He quickly verifies that my stuff is in fact ready to go, then takes me for the promised walk.

I hold Steve's hand pointing out a pretty flower then a swan on the other side of the lake. "Did you have a good time?" Steve asks.

"Yeah, I loved being here with everyone."

"What was your favorite part?"

"Swimming and watching the nighttime shows at Disney and there were a few rides that were really fun."

"Do you feel ready to go home?"

I stop walking and look away. "No"

"Why not?" Steve says while moving to look directly at me.

"Home, the compound, it reminds me of being upset and all of the bad stuff that's happened. Here, everything was new so it wasn't really a problem. And, I know when we get back, we will resume the desensitization trials, meeting with Jen, training, and the infirmary. I know I had some rough times here too but I think they would have been worse at home. I also like that I can be in the living room here when everyone else is in the kitchen because it's really all one big room. I feel more restricted at home."

"Yeah, I can see why you would prefer to stay here. But, if we stayed here much longer we would have to start desensitization trials here and meet with a psychologist like Jen, we would set up a way for you to train and we would definitely still find a way to get medical treatment for you when you need it. So, before long, here would feel like home too."

"Yeah, I guess," I respond sadly, knowing he's right. "Ok, let's go."

Steve and I head back to our room that is now cleared of our belongings. He asks me to double check my room just to make sure that I have all of my stuff then we head out to the car. The plane ride home is uneventful. Steve sits next to me during the entire trip, I think he is prepared for a crisis.

When we get back, we unload our bags and gather for lunch. I don't want to eat and I'm not looking forward to fighting with Bruce over whether or not I eat sandwiches and soup. I don't make myself a sandwich so Steve makes one for me and puts it on a plate in front of me. I can feel Bruce watching me. I sigh then lay my head down next to my plate, I really don't feel like fighting. Amazingly, Bruce doesn't say anything during lunch.

Everyone catches up with various tasks always with at least one person in the room with me, however I sit on the couch pretending to watch TV, this being as close to alone time as I can get. Clint also heads home to spend some time with his family which adds to my loneliness and sadness.

Dinner time rolls around and I've already decided that I'm not going to eat. We are having porkchops and mashed potatoes. I don't put anything on my plate so once again Steve puts a porkchop and a spoonful of mashed potatoes on my plate. I can feel Bruce watching me so I make a point to push my plate away a few inches then cross my arms while leaning back in my chair.

I notice Steve and Bruce do one of their unspoken conversations then Steve says, "You can't get up until you eat half of that."

 _That's fine. I don't mind sitting here instead of on the couch._ Everyone finishes their meal but no one leaves the table. _Oh great, they planned this. I wonder what they are going to do if I refuse to eat this._ A couple hours go by and still no one has left the table and no one is talking. I'm getting tired, I lean forward and lay my head on the table.

"Sit up," Steve commands.

I ignore him. Steve repeats himself once then physically prompts me to sit up. "Get off me!" I yell while pushing Steve away. He doesn't let go of my arm so I try to yank it away from him but he maintains his grip. "Let go," I growl. _This is all Bruce's fault!_ I think to myself then grab a handful of mashed potatoes and throw them at Bruce. "You eat it!" I see Hulk's eyes flash when the potatoes hit Bruce's face, "I don't care if you're mad at me too, everyone can hate me!" Tony grabs my other arms wipes the excess mashed potatoes off of my hand while I try to get free. Then, Tony and Steve escort me to the living room couch, setting me on the middle seat; I fight them the whole way trying to plant my feet and drop to the ground without success. "I don't want to do the talk circle!" I scream. No one says anything to me at all leaving me angry and frustrated.

Tony and Steve maintain their hold on me, keeping me from hitting them while Bruce and Nat pull up chairs so they are almost touching my knees keeping me from kicking. "Leave me alone!" I yell then try to get my legs free to kick. I feel myself getting close to crying. I try to regain my composure but it's too late, tears begin to fall down my cheeks. I try to cover my face with my hands but they are holding my arms at my sides, I try to fold over so my face can be hidden in my legs but Tony and Steve don't let up, blocking my attempts to hide. I give up, sitting back into the couch waiting for them to release me.

"Ready to talk?" Steve asks.

"Talk about what?" I angrily ask, knowing full well what they want to talk about.

"Why are you refusing to eat?"

"I'm not hungry!" I yell.

"You haven't eaten since breakfast and even then you only ate a few bites of cereal. You should be starving."

"Well, I'm not."

"If you don't eat then we will have to start an IV to give you food that way."

"Whatever, it doesn't matter."

"Really?"

"I just want to be left alone."

"What are you upset about?"

"Nothing."

"Why won't you talk to us?"

"Isn't that what I'm doing?"

"No, you are dodging our questions and lashing out."

"Why won't you just punish me and get it over with?"

"Oh, I see. We won't punish you, at least not the way you mean. We will never hit you."

"Then strap me to the bed and do the IV," I say angrily.

"Would that feel like we're punishing you?" Bruce asks, concerned.

"Just do it! I'm never going to eat, never!" I renew my quest to free myself, pulling, tugging, swinging, and wrenching my body as hard as I can. Tony and Steve do not waiver. I am stuck in this position.

"We're not going to punish you and we're not going to get rid of you."

"Why not?" I scream.

"Because they love you." I hear someone say from behind us. I turn to see Nick Fury. I immediately begin to shake with fear, being reminded of the first time that we met. Steve notices my reaction so he pulls me onto his lap. I welcome the security I find in Steve's embrace.

Nick takes a seat on the couch directly across from where I am sitting, Bruce and Nat put the chairs on which they were sitting back where they belong and also take a seat. "Uh, Bruce, you've got a little something…" Nick says while pointing to Bruce's hair line near his temple where a chunk of mashed potatoes still rests. Bruce leaves for a moment to finish cleaning off his face. "I'm sorry that I scared you the last time that we met. I thought you all might want an update on Cross." I flinch at his name which Nick notices.

"Can I go to my room please?" I beg Steve. I don't want to be in this room any longer with Nick and I don't want to hear any news on that man at least not from Nick.

Steve looks at Nick and then to me, "Sure, I'll go with you."

I quickly get up and start to walk to my room. Nick leans toward me blocking my exit before I have a chance to leave the room, "Thank you for your help last time. I know that was incredibly difficult for you. All of these guys here, they are very lucky to have you and they know it too. Each of them loves you just as much as any biological parent loves their child." I nod then resume walking to my room when Nick moves back into his seat.

I'm still feeling scared when Steve and I enter my room so I face him and hold my arms up, "Can you hold me for a while?" Steve agrees and picks me up bringing me into a hug while holding me up against his chest. I wrap my arms around his neck and tuck my face in between my arm and his neck. I still feel so shaky from being scared. "I don't like him," I complain having trouble calming down.

"He really is a good guy. You met him under scary circumstances and he was in full director of SHIELD mode. Once you get to know him, I think you will agree," Steve explains. "You're still shaking, are you still scared?"

"Not as much anymore, I don't know why I'm shaking."

"I think you're hungry. When your body gets shaky from going without food, you are close to being sick like passing out from your body not getting what it needs to live," Steve says, hoping he's convinced me to eat.

"Ok, I'll eat something," I acquiesce not wanting to pass out and need to go to the infirmary.

Steve smiles and says, "That's great news. Oh, and Jamie, you need to clean up the mashed potatoes that you threw and apologize to Bruce."

I nod, feeling scolded. I guess this is what punishment will be like here, apologizing and cleaning up my mess. Steve takes me to the kitchen, bypassing the living room where Nick is still talking to the team. Steve hands me a damp towel. I set off to wipe up the chunks. Fortunately, my aim is pretty good even with my left arm. Steve makes me a new plate of food. Since Nick is still here, Steve has me sit down and eat now instead of apologizing first.

"What are you thinking about?" Steve asks. I didn't notice that he was watching me until he said something.

"I'm frustrated."

"Why?"

"All of this. After sitting here for a couple of hours, being restrained, throwing food at Bruce, I still end up eating, without being punished and now I have to apologize to Bruce. I really want you to punish me. I want you to hit me with a yardstick," I explain, with an angry emphasis on the last part.

"Why do you want to be punished?"

"I don't know. I deserve it, but no one here seems to get that. I try to make you punish me but you won't. Why not?"

"Because that's not the kind of punishment that loving parents do for their child. That was abuse and it was dealt by a very bad guy."

I shake my head, "No, I'm bad."

"No, you are not bad, not even a little bit," Steve says cupping my chin in his hand to guide my eyes to his own.

I look over but freeze when I notice Nick standing in the entrance to the kitchen. Steve sees that I've changed, so he follows my gaze to the doorway finding Nick watching us. Nick comes over to sit near me, instinctively I inch closer to Steve for protection. "I'm glad that you're here, with this team. I'm happy you're safe now. All those things that happened to you were not your fault and those bad people who are at fault are going to spend a long time in prison for hurting you." I start to feel less scared of Nick hearing him say things that I've heard my parents say. "These people…they love you, more than I've seen them love anyone." I tear up hearing Nick tell me about how much my new moms and dads love me. He notices and understands why, "I know that the other people who loved you have died, but that's not going to happen here. They not only love you, but they also know how to keep you safe and how to help you learn to control your power. You've hit the jackpot here. Congratulations on your adoption." I nod, then watch Nick leave the room.

The others were listening to Nick talk from the doorway to the kitchen. When he finishes, Nat walks him out. "Bruce, can I talk to you?" I say quietly, with my head downcast.

"Sure," Bruce says taking a seat where Nick had been sitting. Steve and Tony leave the room to let me apologize in private.

"I'm really sorry I yelled at you and threw mashed potatoes at you. I'm sorry that I make you worry about whether or not I'm eating too." I begin to cry, feeling truly sorry.

Bruce picks me up and puts me on his lap, wrapping his arms around me for a hug. "Apology accepted." I give Bruce a big hug, still crying. "Well, now that you've apologized maybe I don't really need to do this…" Bruce took a dollop of mashed potatoes from my plate and dabbed it on my nose. We both laugh. I grab a napkin and clean off my nose.

"I also yelled at Hulk. Did he accept my apology?"

"You yelled at Hulk? How?"

"I saw his green eyes when I threw the potatoes. I've seen them a few other times too."

"I didn't realize he could do that. Were you scared when you saw his eyes?"

"No. Hulk would never hurt me. He only gets mad at me when I do something that might be harmful or I guess when I'm really bad like today," I say thoughtfully.

"You're right, Hulk and I will never hurt you. I know that you are still struggling, that you're still learning to deal with lots of intense emotions and memories. Neither one of us thinks that you are bad," Bruce explains then kisses my cheek.

"I'm not sure why I do those things."

Bruce comforts me. "Well, believe it or not, we haven't been surprised by anything…," Bruce smiles, "...except maybe having mashed potatoes thrown at me, I was surprised by that." Bruce gives me a kiss, letting me know that he really has accepted my apology. Bruce continues to spend time with me, talking and laughing.


	55. Chapter 55

Chapter 55

Our time is abruptly ended with Tony yelling and Steve's firm angry voice. I look over at Bruce, alarmed, then cover my ears. Bruce puts me down then goes to the entrance to the living room to see what's going on. I hear a final yell then a loud slamming door causing me to flinch. I panic feeling the need to hide, I scamper under the table and curl up protectively. I feel myself shaking having a panic attack. I can hear some talking but the yelling has stopped. I remain huddled, afraid to move, afraid to make any noise. I think I hear Steve say my name but I don't dare move or respond.

Someone touches my shoulder, the sensation sends a jolt through me causing me to flinch and then a fresh wave of fear, knowing that I moved. The crack of the yardstick doesn't come, but I'm too afraid to look to see why. All of a sudden, I am pulled from under the table and picked up. I brace for impact, expecting to be over his knee and beaten but it doesn't come. Instead, I am snuggled. I start to calm down, realizing that no one is going to hurt me, that one of my dads is holding me. I try to control my breathing, willing my body to follow suit. "You're safe baby girl. No one is going to hurt you. Everything is alright." _It's Steve._

Steve keeps his arms wrapped around me, cradling my head in his hand, kissing the top of my head, whispering to me that I am safe. My world feels like its falling apart, my parents are yelling at each other, _what if someone leaves me? What if they are fighting about me, maybe they will want me to leave?_ My thoughts are devastating, I begin to sob, lamenting the loss of my new family. Steve is carrying me somewhere but I'm still too afraid to look up. It feels like we settled on the couch, Steve is repositioning me to snuggle while sitting allowing me to continue to be curled up lying against his chest. My position, having my back rubbed, the gentle kisses on my head, the sensations are familiar which helps me to calm down. After a while, I slowly lift my head to see what's going on around me. Nat's concerned eyes watch me carefully, patiently waiting for me to recover. I don't know where Bruce is. Then, I look up at the person holding me, Steve, who smiles then kisses my forehead. "How are you kiddo?"

I don't respond at first, except to return to the snuggling position, then I sheepishly ask, "Is Tony mad at me?"

"No baby girl, we had an argument that's all. Everything will be ok."

"Was the argument about me?"

Steve isn't sure how to respond, _it was about me,_ I think in response to his silence _._ I start to cry again.

"Hey, hey, listen…sometimes parents argue about how to handle situations with their kids but it's because both parents love their child and want what's best, sometimes their opinions on what's best is different. Parents just need some time to talk about the differences."

"Opinions about what?"

Tony and Bruce enter the room. Tony looks at me then his expression turns from anxious and angry to sad. He comes over to me and holds out his arms offering to hold me if I want. I go to him, hugging him tightly tucking my face in between my arm and his neck.

"Steve and I were talking about our opinions on whether or not you should testify against Cross and Marcus Hillary. So, they will go to jail for all of the terrible things they did to you."

I look up alarmed, "What…what does testify mean?"

"Well, we would go to court and some people would ask you questions about what happened and you get to tell everyone how they hurt you."

I jump off of Tony's lap and back away, looking between Tony and Steve. Steve is looking down, shaking his head, his hand roughly rubbing his head. Tony is looking at me confused, eager maybe, "You want them to go to jail right? So they can't hurt anyone else, so they are punished for hurting you. Right?"

The thought of testifying is terrifying. I can't believe they would make me do that. I run away, through the exit into the main lobby and outside. I can hear them calling after me but I don't stop. It's dark but I know the way to the forest. Steve catches me first then Tony, Nat and finally Bruce arrive. I scream, "No, no, don't make me do that. No!" I try to pull away. Steve doesn't let me go, instead, he wraps his strong arms around me in a restraining hug.

"It's ok, baby girl, we're not going to make you testify. Ok? Now you know the options, ok? Everything is alright, you're safe."

"No, I'm not safe. They will hurt me, they will. He will smack me five hundred times, they both will, they will hurt me." Tears stream down my cheeks, I'm so scared right now, I can't breathe. Impulsively, I start to push on the protective layer around my mind, protecting myself. I can hear Steve yelling, telling me to calm down, that I'm safe, but I can't, _I have to protect myself_. I push against the layer harder, the air around us is whipping around, bits of grass, leaves, dirt and small twigs are flying all around. "Calm down, Jamie. Calm down. You're ok, everything is ok." Steve's pleas are the last thing that I hear before darkness.

I wake up, a sharp pain in my forehead, feeling woozy and sick in the stomach.

"How are you feeling?"

I try to focus my eyes to see who is talking, its Bruce. "My head hurts and I feel sick. What happened?" I ask with a rough voice.

"What's the last thing you remember?"

"Being afraid, the wind."

"You were scared, ran outside then began to push on the protective layer around your mind. You passed out before it exploded. There is some swelling on your brain from pushing hard against the layer so we have you hooked up to IVs and oxygen. I can give you some pain medication as well as something to help with the lightheadedness."

"I still feel scared," I say noticing my body shaking.

"Everything is alright. We are taking care of you. Tony and Steve are here to sit with you."

Tony comes over to my bed, "I'm so sorry, baby girl. I don't want you to feel scared. You're safe." Tony kisses my forehead then I unwillingly fall asleep again.

When I wake, I notice Tony is sitting next to me holding my hand. He's looking down at my hand, rubbing it gently; he seems very sad. "What's wrong?" I ask, my strained voice cracking.

Tony's head shoots up, wiping tears from his cheeks. "How are you feeling?"

I notice that Tony didn't answer my question. "My head hurts and I feel lightheaded."

Tony stands then says, "I'll let Bruce know you're awake."

"Tony…I'm sorry."

"For what baby girl."

"For making you sad."

"You didn't make me sad. I'm ok, really," Tony says plastering his best fake smile on his face.

"I don't believe you."

Tony takes the seat next to me again, not making eye contact while he confesses what happened. "I'm sorry, I really wanted you to testify, to make Cross and that boy pay for hurting you. I forgot how much even talking about them hurts you or maybe I just didn't want to accept it. I let my own desire to get back at them, to make them pay, cloud my judgment, putting you in danger."

Seeing Tony hurting breaks my heart. I start to cry and reach for him. Tony puts the safety railing down and moves to sit on the edge of the bed then brings me in for a hug. We hold each other for several minutes.

Tony backs away, placing a kiss on my forehead, then says without making eye contact, "I'm going to get Bruce now." He quickly leaves the room.

Less than a minute later, Bruce comes into the room. "How are you feeling?"

"My head hurts and I feel lightheaded."

Bruce checks my pupils and checks one of the monitors. I want to make Tony happy again. I wonder, "Do you think I should testify?"

My question stops Bruce in his tracks, "Only if you really want to because it will be hard."

"I only care whether or not they are in jail. Will they both be in jail?"

"Yes, they both have long prison sentences already."

"I don't want to testify."

Bruce puts his hand along the side of my face, "Then you don't have to, ok?"

I nod. "Will Tony be mad at me if I don't?"

"No, he won't be mad. He feels bad about telling you in the first place."

I'm eager to change the subject now, before I start to cry. "How long do I need to stay here?"

"You need to stay overnight so we can do the IVs and oxygen, there's some swelling on your brain. It's not much but I think it's worth treating."

Steve knocks then comes into the room. "Hi kiddo, how are you feeling?"

"My head hurts and I feel lightheaded."

Steve sits down next to me, his face scrunched up, _he wants to talk_ , I think to myself, sighing.

"How are you feeling about the other stuff?" Steve asks, I know what he means.

"I don't want to testify. I don't think I could do it. But, I don't want Tony to be mad at me."

"I promise, Tony will not be mad. He wants to see them suffer, he wants them to hurt because they hurt you and Tony loves you. I understand that side of it, I want them to have to answer for hurting you too but I also don't want you to suffer any more than you have to. You've been through enough, testifying doesn't have to be added to the mix. I love you, Tony loves you and both of us want the best for you. After seeing your reaction, Tony doesn't want to put you through testifying so I don't think he would let you even if you begged. Ok?" Steve asks after explaining.

I nod. "I feel sad."

"Why?"

"I don't know. I really want to snuggle." A single tear runs down my cheek. Steve sits on my bed, wrapping his arm around me. I lay my head against his chest, crying. It's not the same as lying on the couch but it's helping.

A few minutes later, Bruce comes in the room to check on me. He doesn't seem bothered by Steve sitting on my bed. "How is the lightheadedness?"

"The same, I guess. I feel a little sick too."

"Here, take these. It should help with the nausea." Bruce hands me the pill that dissolves in my mouth.

"Bruce, are you sure I can't leave? Even with taking this stuff with me. Please, I want good snuggles. Please," tears are still flowing down my cheeks as I plead with Bruce.

Bruce sighs, "Ok, let's get you set up back in the living quarters." Bruce kisses the top of my head.

Within a half hour I am lying on the couch, snuggling with Steve. "Steve, will you go check on Tony?"

"Sure." Steve gives me a squeeze and kisses the top of my head. Bruce takes Steve's place. Hearing that Steve is going to check on Tony, I feel better enough to fall asleep.

Steve enters Tony's workshop after he doesn't respond to his knocking. "Tony?"

"Yeah? Is Jamie ok?"

"She's fine. She managed to convince Bruce to let her take the IVs and oxygen to the living quarters. He is snuggling with her now."

Tony nods then returns to what he was working on, trying to keep busy.

Steve continues, "She asked me to come check on you. She's worried that you're upset."

Tony sighs, "I let her down and she got hurt."

"We will all let her down at some point, probably lots of times. Raising her isn't going to be easy, the right answer won't always be obvious. There's nothing wrong with wanting Cross and Marcus to answer for what they've done. I am well aware of what they did to her and how she suffers because of it."

"I completely ignored what she needs. I was angry so I wanted them punished. It's the same self-centered bullshit as always. I actually thought that I had changed," Tony shakes his head in disgust roughly tossing a greasy rag onto his workbench.

"Tony, you have changed, a lot. We will all make mistakes, fall back into the old habits. Remember her reaction when she found out that I kept the device from her. She pushed her mind, ended up having a seizure. She felt so betrayed and hurt. That was on me. I wanted to spare her, but all I really did was try to spare myself from having to tell her. The important thing is what you're going to do now. Jamie needs you. Please, come talk to her when you're ready."

Tony nods, considering what Steve said.

Steve leaves Tony alone to give him a chance to sort through his feelings, returning to the living quarters to check on Jamie. Jamie is asleep, lying up against Bruce's lap. Bruce has his arm on Jamie's shoulder, also asleep. Steve places a blanket across the pair then joins Nat in the kitchen.

"Want some tea?" Nat offers while fixing herself a cup.

"Sure, thanks."

"How is she doing?"

"Ok I guess. She's asleep."

"And Tony?"

"He's upset with himself but I think he will be ok."

Tony comes upstairs to check on Jamie. He still feels ashamed but wants to make things right. When he enters the living room, he sees her and Bruce asleep. Sitting down on the adjacent couch, he watches Jamie sleep, overcome with love for her, with shame for causing her to be afraid, and with anger toward Cross and Marcus. Tony thinks about the guard, wanting him to be punished too. He knows that he was under Cross' mind control but still he was the one who actually touched her and beat her. Would it even be fair to ask Jamie to testify against the guard who wasn't in control of his own body? Tony realizes that he needs to keep his anger toward the guard in check for Jamie's sake. After a while, Tony heads to the kitchen to let Jamie sleep.

"Hey there," Nat says to Tony. "Want some tea? Steve and I are enjoying a cup."

"Yeah, sounds good. Maybe it will calm me down."

Nat gets up to make Tony a cup of tea. "How are you doing?"

Tony sighs while roughly rubbing his face. "I'm ok. I let my anger toward Cross, Marcus and the guard cloud my judgment. Jamie definitely should not be put through a trial. Besides, I know the guard was being controlled, it's just…"

"…he was the one who actually hurt her," Nat interrupts Tony. "Yeah, I'm wrestling with that as well. I've dealt with mind control, I know he didn't know what he was doing, he couldn't stop it but damn," Nat says while handing Tony his tea.

"Loving her this much, it's hard to be objective. When she told me that he hurt her, all I could think about was killing him," Tony explains, anger growing inside of him again.

"Hi," A little voice says from the doorway. Everyone looks over to see Jamie standing there holding her teddy bear, rubbing her eyes with the IV and oxygen backpack that Bruce set up for her.

Once Jamie looks up, she sees Tony, a huge smile crosses her face. "Tony!" Jamie exclaims then runs over to him. Tony opens his arms welcoming her as she wraps her arms around his neck relieved and happy to see him. Tony's heart is filled with joy.

Bruce's snoring wakes me up, _Ugh_. I'm still tired but I see the kitchen light is on so I go check it out. When I walk up to the kitchen, the bright light takes a few seconds to get used to but then I see Tony. "Tony!" I was so worried that he was upset with me but here he is smiling at me. I run over to him when he opens up his arms welcoming me. I fling myself around his neck in a great big hug, soaking up Tony's love, feeling like the world is right again. "Will you tuck me in and lay with me for a while?" I ask Tony wanting to be close to him.

"Sure."

I hold Tony's hand while he gets up, takes his cup to the sink and then walks with me to my bedroom. I climb in bed and move over enough for Tony to lie next to me. He gets comfy, lifts his arm for me to lay my head against his chest then wraps his arm around my shoulder. Tony kisses the top of my head and says, "I love you baby girl."

"I love you too." I say sleepily then close my eyes.


	56. Chapter 56

**A/N: This chapter is one of the more intense chapters that includes self-harm. Please skip if the content might be a trigger for you.**

Chapter 56

The next morning, I wake still cuddled up against Tony. I smile feeling loved. "Good morning kiddo. I was wondering when you were going to wake up. You would not believe how boring your ceiling is," Tony quips. "Ready for breakfast?"

I nod.

Clint is in the kitchen waiting for me with our cereal bowls set up on the breakfast bar: a bowl in front of him and another bowl at my normal seat. "Hi baby girl, how are you feeling today? I heard you had a rough night." Tony winces with the mention of last night's events.

"I'm ok. Bruce set up this backpack so I could take the IVs and oxygen with me," I explain motioning toward the backpack. "He actually wanted me to stay in the infirmary, again," I say rolling my eyes, Clint chuckles.

Clint pours the cereal then hands me the milk to add to the bowls. "Can we shoot some today?"

"We will have to ask Bruce when he comes back."

"Ok," I sigh not wanting to do more medical treatments.

Halfway through my bowl of cereal, Bruce enters the kitchen, seeing me right away. He makes his way to the breakfast bar and kisses the top of my head. "How are you feeling today?"

"Better. I probably don't even need any sort of scans or more IVs or anything," I say with a straight face, sincerely hoping that Bruce will be convinced but knowing it's a long shot. Everyone chuckles.

Bruce responds in his best dad voice, "You might be right but we are going to do the scan anyway," then kisses my head again. "We'll go after you finish breakfast."

I sigh, "Ok."

"Bruce, can I shoot later with Clint?"

"Probably, I can let you know after we do the scan, ok?"

I nod.

I finish my last bites of cereal and drink some of the milk. "Ok, ready."

Bruce glances at my bowl, _I guess he's still monitoring how much I eat._ I roll my eyes then start to walk toward the exit to go to the infirmary with Tony tagging along. I smile, grabbing Tony's hand to hold.

The scan is clear so I can shoot with Clint. Eager to tell Clint about the scan results, I run back to the living quarters with Tony following behind calling my name but chuckling so I know it's ok. Clint is sitting in the living room flipping through the various sports channels waiting for my return. Bubbling with excitement, I run over to him, leaping onto his lap.

"Bruce give you good news?"

"Yup! He said we could go shooting."

"Sounds wonderful. Oh, and just so you know, today is a Jen day."

I growl, "I knew my good mood wasn't going to last." I feel like the air was sucked right out of me.

"Do you still want to shoot?"

I nod.

"Ok, come on," Clint says squeezing my shoulder.

We head to the weapons locker where Clint keeps his bows and quivers. There is a locker for my stuff too. Retrieving the compound bow and quiver that Clint gave me, I close my locker announcing that I'm ready. I'm so excited that I'm finally allowed to go outside to use the outdoor shooting range. My excitement is short-lived. I shoot several arrows, missing the target each time.

"You ok over there?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I mutter, unsure of the feelings that are stirring inside of me. Several more arrows miss their mark.

"Jamie, are you feeling lightheaded or dizzy?"

"No," I respond, lining up my next arrow then putting it back down without shooting it. "Clint, can we talk?"

"Absolutely. Come on, come sit down." Clint wraps his arm around my shoulder, guiding me to the bench along the back of the shooting range.

"What's going on baby girl?"

"I keep getting flashes of…images. The boy, he's mad, he's getting ready to smack me because I told on him. It's hard to focus," I try to explain what I'm experiencing but it doesn't sound quite right.

Clint listens quietly, letting me talk at my own pace. "It first happened when I found out he was arrested and it keeps happening. Last night, Tony talked about testifying, that's telling on him over and over. I completely lost it." I pause, unsure if I'm making any sense and afraid of the possible repercussions of talking, "I want to say something but I don't want you to tell Tony. Is that ok?"

Clint nods, "I promise, I won't tell him what you're going to say."

I take a deep breath, steeling myself to keep talking. "I also sort of feel like Tony wanted me to testify because he's angry. So, I have to decide between making Tony mad or making the boy mad."

Clint's muscles stiffen but remains quiet while I talk. "I'm afraid that the boy will find a way to get me, that he will s-s-smack me f-f-five hundred times. It's so hard not to move or make any noise when he smacks me, I don't want him to add more smacks because I didn't do what he wanted me to do."

A few tears fall down my cheeks, thinking about the alternative. "If I don't do what Tony wants, he might stop being my dad."

"Can I hold you?" Clint asks, sensitive of my reactions to touch when I'm afraid.

I nod, then fall into his embrace, allowing Clint to pull me onto his lap, desperate for comfort.

"Jamie, that boy will never hurt you again because we won't let him come anywhere near you. He will never again be able to smack you or anybody else. He will be in jail for a long time and we will always have eyes on him.

"Tony is learning to deal with this stuff just like you are. He is angry that the boy hurt you, he's very angry with him. He wants that kid to be in jail for hurting you but he wants you, happy and healthy, more. Listen to me, Tony will never stop wanting to be your dad, he loves you like crazy."

"I know he loves me. I just felt really scared last night and I still feel…" I pause, unsure of how to convey what's going on with me.

Clint encourages me to keep talking, "What is it, baby girl?"

"I…I still remember what it feels like, when he s-s-smacks me. I can hear him talking…and… and the sound of the y-yardstick and the p-p-pain. Being afraid to move or make noises but not being good enough to stay still and not make any noise," I explain the best I can, struggling to describe my thoughts and feelings, frequently getting caught up in the memory.

"After it happened, I wasn't able to sit down. My dad…he thought I was being bad because I refused to sit down for breakfast the next day…he yelled at me," I spit out, my anger with my dad from that day still stinging. "Then, in the afternoon he took me to the garage to talk and he died, I killed him."

Clint continues to hold me tight, "You keep talking like it's your fault. Jamie, none of that was your fault. No one can sit still while being beaten. It was a sick game for him, a reason to get to smack you more, a way to make you so afraid that you wouldn't talk. You weren't being bad. Your body was doing all the things that everyone's body does. You couldn't have done anything differently. You were a little girl who wanted to protect her baby sister. You didn't have any control over what was happening and he didn't deserve to have any control over you. He is a sick, bad person. Ok? None of it is your fault. I promise baby girl, none of it is your fault."

I hear Clint's words but doubt them. Nonetheless, I relish the comfort he is providing. I feel safe and protected with Clint. After a few minutes, I ask, "Can we shoot more?"

"Sure."

I pull out another arrow, lining it up and pulling on the bow's cord. My mind is clearer and my body is calm. When I let go, the arrow is launched directly into the bullseye.

"Nice shot kiddo," Clint says, proudly.

We shoot for a little while longer, now that my shooting is more accurate. "It's almost lunch time, we need to head back inside," Clint says.

"I don't want to…I don't want to see Jen."

"Why not?"

"I don't want to talk to her, what if she's just like the last lady?"

"We check her every time she comes. She's not being controlled by Cross."

"Please Clint, please, don't make me go in. Let the others talk to her," I beg, panicking.

"Sorry, you need to go inside now," Clint says, leaving me no wiggle room to get out of it.

Without an alternative and knowing he will just physically escort me inside, I take off running, refusing to go inside. Clint calls after me, following me, then announces on the coms that I ran from him. _It won't be long before everyone is outside looking for me. I just need to hide until Jen leaves._ I go into the woods, running as fast as I can, trying to find a place to hide. There are several broken trees and large rocks to hide behind but I need to be further inside the woods so they won't find me right away. The building is now completely blocked from view and I no longer hear any of the normal sounds from the Avenger's compound or its occupants; however, I'm not sure if I ran much deeper into the woods or if I just ran alongside the compound.

Along the way, there's a glass jar lying in the dirt and leaves so I grab it, planning to use it for punishment, stopping only briefly to retrieve it before running again, deciding a few moments later to go ahead and break the glass, again only stopping for a moment then running further. A triangular-shaped piece or glass is what remains from the broken jar, perfect. Up ahead I spot a good place to hide, a large boulder with several trees downed around it.

Breathing heavy from running and from fear, I sit up against the boulder holding the piece of glass tightly between my fingers. A vicious debate rages on within me _. I don't want to hurt myself but they won't punish me, I have to do something._ ' _Five hundred smacks! What will happen if you tell? Five hundred smacks! Crack, crack, crack, crack, crack! Are you allowed to move or to make noise? Crack, crack, crack, crack! Five hundred smacks!_ ' Tears stream down my cheeks as my body shakes, flinching with every flash of memory. ' _What will happen, Jamie? Five hundred smacks!'_ The horrific memories play over and over in my mind, the guard and the boy relentlessly assaulting me. _I have to do this, I have to be punished. I told, I told someone what he did, I have to be punished_. ' _Crack, crack, crack, crack, crack!'_

Closing my eyes tight, I hold the piece of glass against the skin on my legs wishing there was another way to make things better. _I don't want to do this. I don't want to be punished. 'Crack, crack, crack, crack!'_ I make a cut on my left leg, it's not too deep. I do another. My body starts to relax, knowing that I am taking care of the punishment so the boy doesn't have to do it. The flashes are slowing, my mind clearing as it calms. I cut a few more times stopping only when I have been adequately punished.

Exhausted now from the ordeal, I allow my body to rest against the large rock, closing my heavy eyelids. Through my sleepy fog, I hear a commotion but am too tired to open my eyes. Someone picks me up and is running I think, I'm so tired. ' _Good girl.'_

The bright light hurts my eyes causing me to wince when I first try to open my eyes. My hand instinctively moves to cover my eyes but my movement is restricted. Alarmed, my eyes dart to whatever is holding me…leather straps. My eyes widen and my heart starts to pound as another panic attack strikes. With a quick check of my surroundings, I know that I'm in the infirmary with Nat, Steve and Clint watching me with concerned looks. I scoot in the bed, wiggling my legs so I can curl up with my knees up to my chest.

Steve approaches me, hands up showing he doesn't intend to hurt me. "Calm down Jamie, calm down. You're ok."

I fiercely shake my head, yanking my arms trying to free them.

"Calm down. I want to take the straps off but I can't until you calm down. Tucking my nose in the crevice of my knees and trying to control my breathing, I will myself to calm down. "Good, good, you're settling down. Can I hug you to help you calm down?"

My response is a quick frantic nod. Steve reaches over the bars bringing me into a restraining hug. Matching my breathing to his, I feel safer with Steve restraining me so my body begins to relax more, as long as I don't think about the straps. My arm jerks a few times reigniting my fear and panic when I feel the straps again. Patiently, Steve talks softly to me, holding me tight, helping me to calm down.

"We're going to undo the straps now." Reminding myself of the straps so I am prepared for the sensation, I nod then someone undoes the strap on each arm. As soon as they are free, I tuck my arms protectively in between my legs and chest. Steve continues to hold me for several more minutes until my body stops trembling.

"Clint said that you were struggling some outside with flashes of memories, that you were scared the boy would come and punish you for telling."

I nod.

"He also mentioned that you didn't want to come inside to talk to Jen. Is that why you ran away from Clint, because he said it was time to come inside?"

I nod.

"Do you still feel scared the boy will come to punish you?"

I nod.

"Jamie, Marcus is in jail, he can't get to you. We will protect you from him. No one can hurt you."

"Cross still did!" I yell, my words thick with fear and anger.

My words sting. Steve knows that he failed me, Cross did get me even though he was in jail.

"We are aware of what Cross can do now, we will protect you from him too. No one will hurt you."

I shake my head. I don't believe him.

"Why did you hurt yourself?"

"I needed to be punished so I can be a good girl. He will punish me if I'm not a good girl." I say, frantic, jittery.

Steve continues to hold me, rubbing soothing circles on my back, kissing the top of my head. He talks softly, "I love you baby girl. You're safe now. No one is mad."

As the fear starts to dissipate, I begin to cry, overwhelmed with everything that's going on.

Clint sits at the foot of the hospital bed. His forlorn eyes downcast, revealing the sadness that he feels. On the opposite side of Steve, Nat stands quietly with her arms folded across her middle. Her efforts to hide her feelings more telling than if she were crying.

Bruce solemnly enters the room coming to stand next to Steve. "Find anything?" Steve asks Bruce who shakes his head.

"Can she leave now?"

"Yeah, we're done here."

Steve picks me up, continuing to rub my back while he carries me back to the living quarters. I snuggle into his embrace, keeping my face tucked in between my arm and his neck. When we arrive in the living room, Steve sits down on the couch positioning me so I am laying my head against his chest. Shame and fear still remain so I hide my face in my hands. "Jamie, we need to talk about this with Jen." My body tenses, curling my legs closer in toward my center, shaking again.

Steve fills Jen in on what happened. "Last night, Jamie overheard Tony and I arguing. She had a strong reaction to it but was able to calm down." I flinch listening to Steve recall everything from last night. "The argument was about whether she should have the option to testify. When Tony mentioned testifying to Jamie, she had a panic attack. She eventually was able to calm down and talk to us."

Steve runs his fingers through my hair, then continues, "This morning she seemed to be having a good day. While shooting with Clint, she asked to talk to him. She described having flashes of memories distracting her, making it hard for her to focus and she talked a lot about needing to be punished and being afraid of the boy who abused her coming after her to punish her for telling on him. She seemed somewhat better after they talked. But when Clint said it was time to come in for lunch and to meet with you she pleaded with him to not make her come talk to you and then ran away from him."

Steve sighs heavily, "She ran pretty far into the woods, found a glass jar, broke it and used it to cut her legs. She said that she needs to be punished so she can be a 'good girl' that way the boy won't need to come and punish her for telling."

Jen absorbs Steve's words. "Jamie, I'm so sorry that you are hurting right now. I'm sure that it's hard to keep up with everything that is going on inside of you. It sounds like you are having some troublesome memories and fear over being hurt again."

I nod.

"I'm sure that your parents have already told you this but you are a good girl. You don't need to punish yourself. I understand you want to do whatever you can to avoid being punished by the boy even if it means being punished. Does that make sense to you?"

I nod. _She might actually understand what's going on._

"I am going to come back tomorrow. I want us to talk more about this, ok?"

I choose not to respond. I still don't trust her.

Nat walks Jen out. Steve continues to rub my back and stroke my hair while Clint sits on the coffee table in front of me. "How are you doing baby girl?"

I shrug my shoulders, not wanting to look at Clint, feeling ashamed.

Clint kisses the top of my head, "Love you baby girl."

"I love you too," I say without thinking. "Clint?"

"What's up kiddo?"

Sobs rip through me as soon as I look at Clint. "I'm really sorry I ran away from you."

Clint reaches over to pick me up, bringing me in for a hug. "It's ok baby girl, I'm not mad. I know you were just scared." Clint cradles my head against his chest, stroking my hair. He bounces and sways while holding me, trying to soothe me the best way that he knows how.

Steve exits the room, leaving Clint to comfort me.

"Want to talk about how you're feeling?"

I pause for a moment, considering the suggestion. _Talking usually helps._ "I'm just scared, most of the time, and when I'm not, it can hit without warning. All I can think about is what I'm scared of and if I can escape. Then I get stuck, I don't even know what's going on around me. Sometimes I can hear people talking, but I can't respond."

"What are you afraid of?"

I sigh, feeling the weight of my fear. "Being hurt again mostly. I don't want to talk anymore," I say feeling myself getting worked up.

"Ok baby girl. We don't have to keep talking. I do really like when you talk to me though," Clint says while stroking my hair. He continues to hold me for a long while, I feel safer in his arms.

"She has been hurt a lot, some of it recently," Jen says pausing briefly when Steve enters the meeting room then takes a seat next to Bruce. "She's afraid of her abuser following through with his threat."

"He told her he would smack her five hundred times with a yardstick. He also beat her more any time she moved or made any noise so she knows that it would be endless. But, he's in jail. Shouldn't she feel safer now?" Tony asks.

"Two things: first Cross still got to her even though he was in jail and second we aren't dealing with a thirteen-year-old who may be able to understand that she is safer. We are dealing with a seven-year-old who believed him when he said 'if you tell, I will smack you five hundred times.' She completely expects that he will find her and hit her over and over again. I also imagine that she believes he will make her remove her clothing, tie her up and molest her again."

This information leaves the team feeling sick. Jamie being afraid that she will be punished by Cross or the boy leaves the team reeling. They wanted her to be and feel safer, not to feel like it's only a matter of time until she is hurt again.

"I also understand that she had a strong reaction to the two of you arguing," Jen says while motioning to Tony and Steve, who both nod then look down. "She needs constant reassurance that her world is safe and that the people whom she is depending on will be there. Be mindful of having these discussions away from her and if you are arguing don't let it carry over into time you are spending with her. She needs all of you, she needs all of you working together on her side. If you are fighting she will feel that things are falling apart therefore she won't feel safe."

The team nods, understanding the delicate balance that needs to be maintained right now.

"I think it's wonderful that you took her on vacation, gave her a break, spent lots of time playing with her building relationships with her. I'm also excited that you all adopted her. It really speaks to your love for her and your commitment to her and it will help her to feel more secure with you knowing that she is yours, that you chose her."

"Thank you for your help, one o'clock tomorrow?" Steve asks.

"Yes. We should plan to meet somewhere she enjoys. Any ideas?"

"She has fun in the game room, maybe at the lake."

"Ok, we will see which of those places she would rather go to tomorrow."

"I'll walk you out," Bruce offers then leads her out of the room.

The others sit in silence for a few minutes thinking about what Jen said. Bruce returns after a few minutes, joining in on the silence.

"It's killing me thinking that she really expects that piece of shit will get her. She's essentially waiting to be beaten and abused, no wonder she's desperate to find a way to be a 'good girl' even if it means hurting herself," Tony shares feeling ill and enraged.

"Yeah, she even peed her pants when she found out that we were talking to him," Nat says remembering the day at the resort.

"And wanting control, she is extra sensitive about wanting to be in control of her body, fighting us with eating and with medical care. She's trying to protect herself," Bruce says thinking a loud. "How do we make sure she's physically ok when she is trying to exert control over her body by refusing to eat without making her feel like she's being violated or punished?"

Nat responds with a new idea, "Just don't mention it, don't take notice of what she's eating. Let's have her favorite foods available and if she eats then great, if she doesn't ok. Maybe we can try to do something fun right before we eat or do something fun while we eat. We won't even go to the table where she usually fights us. This is only a temporary fix but maybe that's all she needs."

"Ok. Sounds good. It's nice to have a plan," Steve comments.

The team reenters the living quarters and takes up seats around Clint and me.

I look around at them, noticing that they all look sad. "What's wrong?"

They glance awkwardly at each other briefly, just long enough for me to panic.

"I'm sorry I ran away," I blurt out quickly, my body tense and afraid.

"Jamie, calm down. We're fine. You're not in trouble, ok?" Steve interjects quickly to curb my anxiety then opens his arms to me.

I hesitantly get up from Clint, still afraid.

"I'm not mad at you. I promise, everything is ok," Steve consoles, seeing my trepidation.

I settle onto Steve's lap, still feeling afraid. He wraps his arms around me like he did earlier, cradling my head, letting me know that everything is ok.

"Calming down?" Steve asks.

I nod.

"Do you want to snuggle for a while or go play something?"

"Snuggle then go play."

Steve smiles, "Sounds good. First, we snuggle then we play. Any ideas of what you want to do?"

"Softball. Well not actually play a game, just hit some balls and maybe play catch."

"Great idea," Clint says enthusiastically, _he must really like to play softball._


	57. Chapter 57

Chapter 57

We snuggle for about twenty minutes then head outside with a bat, several balls and gloves for everyone. They let me bat as much as I want while they play the field while Clint pitches. It feels so amazing to be outside and I absolutely love playing with them.

Clint frequently commenting about my performance feels like he's my softball coach so I decide to nickname him coach for the activity. Everyone chuckles, choosing to adopt the nickname for him as well.

After a while, Nat goes inside and comes out with a box of ice cream bars. "Anyone else hot?"

I look at the box, _ice cream does sound good_ , but can't help but to look over at Bruce to see if he's going to make me eat some. Surprisingly, he doesn't say anything so I approach the ice cream, always keeping an eye on the doctor. Bruce completely ignores what I'm doing so I grab an ice cream bar and tear into it. The cold sweet treat is perfect. Bruce still hasn't looked over at me so maybe he's backing off.

With the ice cream finished, Clint and Jamie play catch together while the others watch. "She was definitely waiting for me to say something about eating. It was quite obvious. I'm sure she would have refused to eat it if I had looked at her or said anything about it."

"I think you're right," Nat agrees. "Not that she will start eating all of her meals now but maybe that will help with some of it."

"She looks happy," Steve observes, watching Jamie smile and laugh while playing catch with Clint.

"Yeah, she does, it's amazing how much pain and suffering lies just beneath the surface," Tony murmurs choking up, looking away from everyone trying to save face.

"I hope we're up for the challenge," Bruce sighs under the weight of their responsibility. "It's going to be tough for a while."

"Yeah, but not as tough as it will be for her," Steve adds, knowing that they need to face this together for Jamie.

They watch Clint and Jamie play for a while longer then rejoin the game, having fun together as a family.

When we go inside, Steve suggests that we play a boardgame. Tony brings Apples to Apples and sets up the cards. It's so much fun to see what cards everyone chooses. The receptionist announces that we have a visitor, setting off my internal alarm bells. "Don't worry, we're expecting it," Tony says squeezing my shoulder before going to the door.

A few minutes later, the expected visitor's purpose becomes clear as I notice the delicious smell first then Tony coming back around the corner with a large pizza box. He stops in the kitchen to collect paper plates, napkins and dried red peppers. Everyone digs in, filling up their plates with pizza, then returns to their previous spots for the boardgame. I observe for a few minutes before deciding whether or not I will eat. _I guess I am pretty hungry_. I look over at Bruce again. _Is he going to make me eat dinner or make some stupid comment about how wonderful it is that I'm eating?_ Hesitantly, I go to the pizza box, watching to see what Bruce is going to do. He isn't paying attention so I get a slice of pizza and return to my seat but decide to wait to eat it to see what Bruce does. After a few minutes, Bruce looks at my plate. _So, he's still checking but he isn't telling me to eat._ I take a cautious bite, watching to see if Bruce says anything. Again, he ignores it. Having teased my stomach with the first bite, I'm overcome with hunger, eating the rest of the piece and getting a second. We continue to have fun playing games while we eat.

"I guess I'll head home now," Clint announces after we finish the second game.

 _No,_ I don't want Clint to leave, I feel sadness seep in once again already missing Clint.

"Jamie, are you ok?" Steve asks.

I nod then look down avoiding eye contact.

Clint scoots to sit next to me on the floor and puts his arm around my shoulder. "Jamie are you sad that I'm leaving now?"

"No," I lie, not wanting to care.

"Then what's going on?"

"Just go," I protest, crossing my arms and looking away.

"We did have a lot of fun together," Clint recalls. I'm sure he's trying to get me to talk. "You know…you could come with me."

He has my attention. _Yeah, I guess I could go with him_. My excitement is short-lived when images from the last visit flood my mind.

"Steve could come too if you want another person to be around just in case."

I look over at Steve for his reaction.

"Yeah. Absolutely," Steve says smiling at me.

I look back at Clint with a grin, excited to go with him to the farmhouse.

Nat comes to my room with me to pack a few things. "Can I have a hug?" I ask Nat not wanting to leave her either.

"Sure," Nat quickly wraps her arms around me. "Are you ok?"

I nod then pull away from the hug hoping to avoid raising suspicions that will lead to a talk circle.

With my bag packed, I collect my teddy bear then meet Steve and Clint in the living room. After a few more quick goodbyes, we board the jet and take off.

Clint invites me to sit up front with him while he pilots the plane. "How are you doing kiddo?"

"Ok."

Several minutes go by without any talking. Then Clint asks, "Excited to go to the farm?"

"Yeah."

"Whoa, slow down, you're talking too much," Clint quips with a smile after yet another one-word response.

"Huh? Oh, sorry."

"What are you thinking about?"

"The last time I was at your house."

"Nervous?"

"A little, I don't want to have a problem."

"Not problems, remember? Times when we care for you."

I don't respond.

"Jamie?" Clint says firmly, in his dad voice.

I smile.

"What? Why are you smiling?"

"You used your dad voice."

"Yeah, I guess I did…" Clint says smiling, "…but I'm serious, they are not problems."

"Ok," I nod, placating him.

"We're here," Clint announces right before landing in the field near his home.

As we are walking up to the house, Lila and Laura come outside to meet us. "Daddy!" Lila runs to Clint, jumping into his arms. Clint gives Lila a hug and kiss then kisses Laura.

"Look who I brought with me," Clint says motioning toward me standing behind him.

Lila looks over her dad's shoulder, "Jamie and Steve!" Lila is super excited to see us.

Laura opens her arms for a hug, which I eagerly sink into. I feel a few tears run down my cheek but I think I was able to hide it before anyone noticed.

We all walk inside the house together. Once inside, I take my bag up to my room and sit on the bay window's bench seat, trying to stay out of the way.

From the doorway I hear, "How's it going?"

I turn to see Steve leaning up against the doorframe waiting for my response. "Ok."

"Are you ready to go downstairs?"

"Not yet."

"Jamie what's going on?" Steve asks while walking over to the bench, sitting down across from me.

"I want to give Clint a chance to spend some time with his family."

"You are part of his family too."

"Yeah, but I still want to wait for a while."

"Alright. I'll wait with you."

A few minutes later, Clint comes upstairs looking for me. "Hey, what are you doing up here, come hang out with us."

I sigh, "Um, ok." I start walking toward the door still feeling out of place.

Clint brings me into a warm, reassuring hug, "We want you with us, spending time with everyone, this is family time."

I nod, still in Clint's embrace. I'm worried they won't want me if I take up Clint's time but I'm willing to try it for a few hours. If someone doesn't like it then I will leave.

I walk downstairs with Clint and Steve. Everyone except for Steve and I are talking and telling stories about the day, I don't have anything that I want to add. I ran away, hurt myself, freaked out, was strapped to a bed; none of that is share worthy. Steve's day included looking for me and handling my freaking out; again, not share worthy. Clint mentioned that he played softball today, I'm glad that he left out the part about it being with me.

Around eight o'clock Laura tells Lila and Cooper that it's time to go to bed. They whine briefly but comply. Clint gives each some snuggles, saying goodnight. They start to follow Laura upstairs but then Cooper says, "Hey, doesn't she have to go to bed too?"

Clint immediately moves to follow them upstairs. "Go ahead up, we will talk about it when I tuck you in."

Steve puts his hand on my shoulder. "Are you ok?"

"I'm tired, I want to go to bed now," I quickly respond then start to head toward the staircase.

"Jamie, come here please," Steve requests, stopping me in my tracks.

I hesitant knowing Steve will want me to talk but comply so I don't cause a problem. Steve opens his arms for me to sit on his lap and snuggle. I pause for a moment then sit. "Everything is ok. This is part of being in a family. Everyone will have to learn and adapt but it's a good thing. Clint and Laura will talk to Lila and Cooper, help them to understand how things will be different with you. He will work through their feelings with them just like we all do with you. No one is mad at you, no one wants you to leave."

I nod but I'm not so sure that Steve is right about this one. I start to cry, afraid that I've already ruined this. "I really do want to go to bed please."

"Ok, I'll lie with you for a while." Steve kisses my temple then follows me upstairs.

When I get to the top of the steps, I notice Clint talking to Cooper.

Laura spots me, surprised I am upstairs and asks, "Are you going to bed already?"

I nod, not wanting to talk. Laura can tell that something is wrong so she looks at Steve then follows us into the bedroom. With my pajamas retrieved from my backpack, I head toward the bathroom to change then notice that the key is no longer in the door so I can't lock it anymore. I sigh.

When I start to shut the bathroom door, Steve says, "We will be waiting out here." I guess he wants to remind me that they aren't far away so I shouldn't try anything.

After a few minutes, I am changed into pajamas and my teeth are brushed. _I don't want to have to talk to them about this_. Dreading having to deal with them, I sit down on the toilet with the lid down, burying my face in my hands when the sobs begin to roll through me, angry with myself for messing this up already.

A knock at the bathroom door reminds me that I need to keep my feelings under wraps. "Jamie, are you alright?" Steve asks.

Through inhibited sobs I squeak, "Almost done."

"I'm opening the door," Steve says, pauses for a few seconds then opens the door.

Steve sees me trying to wipe my tears away, my cheeks still moist from the freshly fallen tears. He ushers me out of the bathroom and into his embrace. "Everything is ok. Really, Jamie, no one is mad."

I pull away from the hug, not wanting to be comforted right now, and climb into my bed, promptly pulling the sheets up over my head. Steve takes a seat on the bed, pulling down the covers, revealing my face. He rubs my forehead and my face along my temples. Laura also sits down on the bed, unsure of how to help but wanting to be near. After about ten minutes, Clint comes in my room, shutting the door behind before sitting on the bed partially leaning over me just like he did with Cooper. "What's going on?"

I don't respond.

"Jamie?"

I start to cry again. "I've already messed this up."

"No, you didn't. Cooper still likes you and wants you here. He just had a question. Think about it, would you want to know why someone else didn't have to follow the same rules that you had?"

I nod.

"That's what happened, that's all. Cooper wanted to know why you didn't have to go to bed like they had to. It's a valid question but he wasn't mad. Those things will come up, probably a lot, and we will deal with each one when it happens. Remember, it's my and Laura's job to make sure that everyone gets what they need. You don't have to worry about it."

"Ok."

"Do you still want to go to bed now?"

I nod.

"Ok. Goodnight baby girl. I love you," Clint says then kisses my forehead.

Laura comes over and gives me a kiss too, "Goodnight sweetheart. I love you."

After they leave, Steve lies on my bed so I can snuggle against his chest. Within a short time, I am asleep.


	58. Chapter 58

Chapter 58

Even after an early bedtime, I wake up in the morning exhausted from having several nightmares during the night. I'm sure Steve is tired too because he was up with me for each of them. Although, I am excited about having breakfast with Clint.

After I'm dressed, Steve and I head downstairs for breakfast, meeting up with Clint, Laura and Lila who are already in the kitchen. Clint has our cereal out on the table and Laura made eggs and bacon. My stomach churns with each bite of my cereal so I stop eating after only a few bites.

When Cooper enters the room, I look away, feeling even sicker, afraid that he is mad. Much to my surprise, he says good morning and seems happy to see me so maybe it really wasn't that big of a deal.

When Clint finishes his breakfast and is relatively sure that I'm not going to eat anymore, Clint asks, "Want to do some shooting before we head back?"

I look around at Lila and Cooper's reaction. They both don't seem bothered so I say yes. We grab our gear and head outside to Clint's targets.

"How are you doing?" Clint asks.

"Ok."

I am having trouble focusing again, flashes of memories of bad things that happened relentlessly attack my senses.

"Jamie, you're not ok. What's going on?"

"I had some nightmares last night, they're still there, the flashes again. I can't make them stop."

"Want to tell me about them?"

I vehemently shake my head.

"Would you like to go back to the compound now? We can shoot there later."

Deflated, I nod. _I really wanted to spend time with Clint but I can't help feeling like I shouldn't._

Within twenty minutes we are on the plane heading back to the compound. Laura gave me a big hug but I was less enthusiastic with it. "I'm sorry things are hard right now. I love you baby girl."

"Bye," was all that I could muster.

I lie down on the bench along the side of the plane, curled up in a ball. Steve sits with me, rubbing my head.

When we get back to the compound, I make a beeline for my bedroom, abandoning my backpack on the floor then climb into bed, pulling the covers up over my head. Everyone follows me into my room but so far, they haven't said anything. I feel someone sit on my bed near my head and someone else sits on my bed near my feet. _Urgh, I don't want to talk_! I know better than to tell them to leave, they will make me talk if I say anything. _They are probably planning how they will attack._

Clint begins, "We need to talk."

I don't respond, maybe they will leave me alone if I ignore them.

"Jamie, we can do this here in your room or we can talk in the living room on the couch," Steve says calm but firm.

I start to cry, I'm so angry that they are forcing this. "I want to calm down first," I say hoping to at least buy myself some time.

"You can have some snuggle time first…but, you have to snuggle with Clint."

"No!" I yell then curl up tighter.

Steve pulls me out from the covers while I kick and flail my arms desperate to avoid talking, "Stop!" Steve positions me in front of him so he can restrain me from leaving or hitting. I start to cry harder, not wanting to talk about this, it hurts too much. I bring my legs up toward my chest, trying to feel less vulnerable. Clint sits so he is facing me, blocking me from kicking my legs while he takes the position then sits with his right leg firmly against my legs right above my ankles and keeps his hands on my shins. I angrily look away, not wanting to deal with this.

Clint starts, "I love you baby girl, and so does Laura, Lila and Cooper."

I shake my head.

"They do. Lila and Cooper already call you their sister. That's why Cooper wanted to know why you didn't have to go to bed too. For him, it makes sense that you would also have to follow the bedtime rule because you are his sister. You are a little older so your bedtime should be later. They are supposed to go to bed at eight o'clock but your bedtime should be more like nine thirty. Sound good?" Clint asks.

I nod.

"That's what Cooper and I talked about last night; how when he is thirteen, he will be able to stay up later too. Of course, there are other things going on too that make a firm bedtime hard to follow right now. But, as things start to settle down, there will be more rules like that for you too. Ok?"

I nod.

"What are you thinking about?"

I look down at my fingers, noticing that Steve is no longer restraining me but he's still right there, ready to pounce.

"Jamie?"

"I don't think I should go to your house anymore. I'm…broken, I'm too messed up to be able to fit into a family like a normal kid."

"I know it feels like that now but it won't always be like that," Clint says then pauses to see how I'm doing. "What else is going on? I feel like there's still more to it."

I shift uncomfortably, not making eye contact. Clint reaches over, placing his finger under my chin to guide my eyes to him but I resist.

"Are you afraid that you'll lose me?"

I nod, crying harder.

Clint brings me onto his lap pulling me into a hug. "You won't lose me, baby girl. You are one of my kids now. Anytime someone new is added to a family, everyone needs to adjust. When we brought Nathaniel home, Lila was happy at first then she started to get really angry, throwing toys and yelling. She was used to being the baby of the family and now she isn't the baby anymore. Laura and I helped her to work through those feelings. We, as parents, adjusted so Lila still felt loved and special. Lila definitely loves her baby brother. The point is, Laura and I will help everyone to learn to adapt to the new changes."

"Ok."

"Maybe you should come for a couple days, we will have the kids stay with their grandparents, and the three of us will get to know each other better. You really haven't had much time with Laura and it will be nice to establish some routines."

"That does sound nice."

"Ok, I'll talk to Laura to see when we can set that up," Clint says while putting his hand along the side of my face, trying to comfort me and make eye contact. "So, what should we do now? I'm thinking we should play a game together, maybe have a video game competition."

"Ok," I say feeling better but still a little sad.

We all take turns playing Mario Kart. Four of us can play at a time then we change out two people for the next round. It's a lot of fun. Unexpectedly, Bruce is the most competitive of all of us, frequently knocking the other players off the course, even resorting to pushing the unlucky person stuck sitting next to him to gain an advantage. I was put next to Bruce once, quickly learning why no one else wanted to sit next to him. When it was my turn to rotate out, I sat behind Bruce, poking him in the side or covering his eyes to distract him. He wasn't mad though, trying to get me to stop by tickling me. We all have fun together.

At lunch time, Tony brings in a plate of subs and potato chips to eat while we are playing. I'm hungry so I take a piece of sub and some potato chips, eating a few bites between rounds. When it's my turn to rotate out again, I remember that Jen is coming after lunch.

My stomach starts to churn thinking about being around Jen and feeling exposed and vulnerable, I abandon my lunch. Trying to calm myself, I bring my legs in close to my chest. Clint notices that my mood has changed. I've started shaking and I'm curled up so he sits down next to me and offers to hold me.

I nod but don't move so Clint scoops me up, wrapping his arms around me when I'm settled on his lap. "What happened?"

I don't respond.

"Are you thinking about Jen coming?"

I nod and start to cry.

"What are you afraid of?" Clint asks.

"They could get me, they can use her to get me," I yell, desperate for them to stop her from coming.

"I'm so sorry we didn't check Mrs. Cartwright closer but now we know, we check Jen every time she comes and Dr. Strange said that she's really good. She acts very different from Mrs. Cartwright, right?"

I nod.

"And we are with you while she is here. We don't want you to be alone with anyone, we want to make sure that one of us is with you all of the time so nothing happens."

"Mr. Stark, Jen Carpenter is here," a female voice says over the com system.

I tuck my face into Clint's chest under my hands with a soft whimper, the increase in intensity of my shaking is visible. Tony sighs, wishing they had more time to work with me. "Ok, Dr. Banner will be out in a minute," Tony replies.

About fifteen minutes later, Bruce returns with Jen. He must have already filled her in because she seems to know what's going on.

"Hi Jamie," Jen says warmly.

I flinch when she says my name.

"We should all hang out for a while. Anything in particular that you would like to do?" Jen asks me.

I don't respond.

"What were you guys doing before I arrived?"

Steve responds for me, "We were playing video games."

"That sounds like fun. Can I play too?"

Steve replies for me again, "Absolutely. We are playing four players and after each round we rotate in new players."

Jen, Nat, Steve and Bruce play the first round of the video game. I still haven't looked up yet. When the round is done, Tony takes Bruce's spot but Clint and I sit this one out. During the second round, I look up a few times, curious what Jen is doing, feeling myself calming down. The same group plays the third round. I watch Jen most of this round, Clint rubs my back comforting me. When the round ends, Steve asks if I want to play next. I shake my head, hiding my face against Clint's chest again so Bruce takes Steve's spot. When the round starts, I look up again, watching Jen who seems to be having fun playing the game. She is saying similar things that the others are saying, maybe she is ok. Nat offers her controller next, but I decline. I'm not ready to let my guard down, I prefer to watch. I look around at the others, noticing Steve is watching me. I lay my head against Clint's chest again, feeling protected and cared for.

"Let's spend some time chatting now," Jen says redirecting everyone's attention.

My parents put the controllers away and finds a seat around the living room. I'm still feeling ok but I don't want to talk.

Jen begins, "Does anyone have anything they would like to talk about?"

No one says anything for a few minutes. I wonder if they are waiting for me to talk.

Jen turns her attention to me, "Jamie, is there anything that you would like to talk about?"

I shake my head.

"Well, I had a lot of fun playing with you today. I would like to come back tomorrow too. Maybe we could play more games or hang out at the lake," Jen suggests. "Would you like that?"

I shrug my shoulders.

"Ok, I'll check back in with you tomorrow," Jen says smiling.

Once Jen leaves with Bruce, I feel myself relax again, letting out the breath that I've been holding.

"See, she wasn't so bad," Clint says.

I lay my head back on Clint still not wanting to talk and enjoying the love and attention. Steve comes over and sits on the coffee table in front of Clint and me. "How are you doing, kiddo?"

"Ok," I say.

"What would you like to do now?" Clint asks.

"Can we play catch again?"

"Sure, let's go."

Clint and I go outside to play catch _. I love this!_ We throw the ball back and forth for a while then Clint starts to throw some pop-ups and ground balls. I expertly field all of them. "Would you like to play on a team?" Clint asks.

"Yeah, maybe."

"What teams were you on before?"

"Um…" I feel a little sad thinking about this, "…softball and swim."

"You are pretty good at both," Clint praises.

"Clint, Would you…" I stop short, not sure if I should finish.

"Would I what? You know there's a pretty good chance I'll say 'yes' right?"

"Well, I…I always thought it would be cool to go to a baseball game with my dad."

Clint smiles, "I would love to take you to see a baseball game? Is there a specific team that you like?"

"No just wherever."

"Well, we've got the Mets and Yankees here in New York," Clint says. "We should check to see if anyone else wants to go."

"Do we have to include everyone?"

"Well, it's probably better for security if at least a couple of us go."

"Ok."

"I bet Steve will want to see the Yankees since that team has been around forever."

I laugh, "I keep forgetting that Steve's actually like super old."

"Hey, I'm not that old," Steve pretends to be defensive, walking over to us, smiling.

"How old are you?" I ask curious.

"You can't laugh…ninety-nine,"

"Whoa really?"

"Yeah, really," Steve says smiling.

"What was life like back then?"

"I'll tell you about it this evening, ok?"

I nod.

Clint mentions our earlier conversation, "Jamie wants to go to a baseball game. What do you think, want to go?"

"Absolutely, but it has to be the Yanks," Steve says wrapping his arm around me, smiling, placing a kiss on my cheek.

I smile, happy that I get to have dad experiences.

"Ready to go back inside now?"

"Yeah, it is pretty hot out here. Clint, are you going home now?"

"Yeah, I should head back soon."

"Ok"

"Do you want to come with me again?"

"No, thanks," I say then start to walk back inside.

Steve and Clint follow me inside then to the kitchen, where I get a glass of water, drink it all then refill it.

"Wow, it must really be hot out there, you're sweating like crazy," Nat says.

"Yeah, it is." I say sitting down at the table with my third cup of water. The same sadness as yesterday threatens but I don't want to feel it-I want to be with Clint but not at his house. I don't want to deal with the extra problems of being there. The only upside is maybe having a little more freedom to move around and it's less likely that they will do a talk circle there. Steve, Clint and Nat sit down at the table with me giving each other glances meaning they want to talk.

Steve starts, "How are you feeling about Clint leaving today?"

I growl and put my head down. "I'm fine, I don't need to talk about it."

"Talk about what?" Nat asks me, using her super spy techniques to put the heat back on me.

"Nothing," I say not looking up, two can play this game.

"Jamie, I want you to talk about how you're feeling about Clint leaving," Steve instructs. I can tell by his voice that I'm not leaving here without giving them something.

"I'm not feeling anything. Just go." I say, hoping that Clint will go home without this talk circle getting any more serious.

"Does being away from Clint bother you?"

I sigh, I'm really not getting out of this. "Yes, but so does being away from here."

"Away from here or at Clint's"

"I don't like being some place where I feel extra sensitive or where I'm afraid to have a problem."

Clint chimes in, "Not problems, just working through emotions."

"Right, working through emotions by causing a problem. Can we be done now?" I ask, irritation radiating from me.

"No and we will come back to the first part. What do you mean by 'extra sensitive?'" Steve asks.

"Well everything that just happened there," I say feeling that it should be obvious. "It's stupid to have this talk again. I don't want to worry about whether or not other people will like me. I'm too sensitive about it right now."

"Ok, well, we still want you to come out for a few days without the kids being there," Clint reminds me.

I nod. "Now can I be done?"

Steve looks around at Nat and Clint then nods.

I release a breath, like I'd been holding it this whole time, relieved that we are done talking.


	59. Chapter 59

Chapter 59

I have the sudden urge to draw so I head to my room, sitting down at my desk pulling out crayons and paper. I can hear Steve in the doorway but he doesn't say anything, maybe because he wants me to draw.

Looking through the crayon box, I try to find the right color. I pull out black and begin to scribble dark short bursts of black streaks. On the left side I draw a picture of me in the bottom corner crying, my arms reaching out. The rest of the page is black.

More, I need to draw more. I pull another sheet of paper and begin drawing picture of me, again on the bottom left corner, reaching up toward a figure floating in the sky. I'm crying, alone.

My next picture is all red, inside the red is me, an angry face, exploding. Along the edges are dead bodies, planks of wood, dirt, messy dark brown and black squiggly lines and dark dots.

I draw another-me, alone in the corner, without arms, crying while a large, chaotic dark figure covers most of the page, except for a thick stick.

I frantically pull another piece of paper then draw me lying on a bed with a dark red figure standing over me, I am exposed, naked, and crying.

On another piece I draw my mom, my dad, and Lizzy with their backs to me, frowning. I'm on the other side of the paper, curled up in a ball crying with the caption, 'I'm sorry.'

With the final drawing, I begin to cry, putting my head down on the desk. I miss my family. I'm overcome with guilt and shame and loneliness and fear and pain. There is nothing happy, nothing bright, nothing that shows a better future.

Someone touches my shoulder reigniting my fear. I yell, "No, no," wildly swinging my arms to push away whoever wants to hurt me then hide under my desk. I curl up tucking my face in the crevice of my knees that are pulled up against my chest. I have both of my arms tucked in tight against my body, trying to be as small as possible.

Someone sifts through my pictures but I'm not sure who, all I can see is their shins standing a couple feet in front of me. I think about Cross and the boy. I think about wanting to be with Clint. I imagine Lila and Cooper telling Clint to make me leave then Clint telling me to leave. ' _You've been a bad girl. You must have been really bad to need so many cuts. Did you move or make noise?_ _I only have to hurt you if you're a bad girl.'_ _I need to be a good girl, I need to be punished so I can be a good girl._ I start to bang my head against the wall, needing some sort of punishment.

Steve quickly grabs me, pulling me closer to him. "Nope, we're not going to do that."

I scream, trying to fight Steve. I manage to kick him a few times but he is able to pull me out from under the desk then restrains me holding my arms tightly along my sides with my back on his chest. I continue to kick my legs while wrenching my body desperately trying to get free, needing more punishment. Tony grabs my legs and holds them down but struggles to maintain his hold so he mounts my legs just above my ankles and holds my legs down from my thighs, just above my knees. Steve and Tony maintain their hold on me, Nat crouching near us with her head downcast and Bruce and Clint looking at my pictures. _I don't want them to look at my pictures, I don't want Clint to be here. Why didn't he leave yet?_ I think angrily to myself. I'm not fighting anymore but my body hasn't relaxed yet so Steve and Tony continue to restrain me neither one looking at me. Now, I really feel like a bad girl, but they won't punish me, they are going to let the boy do it. I flinch at the thought, _crack, crack, crack, crack_. I being to shake, fear overwhelming me.

Steve moves more into a restraining hug, seeing my body's reaction intensifying. I'm afraid to move or make any sounds, remaining as still as possible, not making any noise. I feel Steve nod then Tony slowly gets off of my legs. Steve repositions me into a snuggle, comforting me, softly talking to me, telling me that I'm safe, loved and protected.

I remain still and quiet for a long time, afraid to need any more punishment. I nearly move and whimper when sharp pains begin in my forehead. Bruce, watching me closely, comes over to do a brief exam, looking at my head, shining a light in my eyes. I am extra careful not to move, making myself a rag doll.

Bruce gives the team an update, "She hit her head pretty good a few times. We should do a CT scan to see if there is any swelling, especially the tissue around the device. There's definitely some bruising and swelling on the outside around near the site of the device." Bruce looks directly at me, "Jamie, how are you feeling?"

I don't move or talk, wanting to show the boy and Cross that I am a good girl. Bruce tilts my chin up, trying to make eye contact with me. "I think she's with us, looks like she's trying to avoid eye contact."

"It's alright, I'll carry her to the infirmary for the scan." Steve picks me up, keeping me close to his chest, kissing the top of my head a few times. I'm happy that he still loves me and he's not making me talk or move right now.

We arrive at the infirmary within a minute or so. Steve lays me down on a gurney, then Bruce pushes the bed into the room with the scanning machine. Steve stays with me through the scan. When the scan is complete, Bruce reviews the results, then looks over at Steve with a look that I immediately recognize as bad news. Bruce wheels me into the hospital room to explain. "There is swelling around the device that's in your forehead. We need to start an IV and put you on oxygen. I want you to stay here in the infirmary for at least four hours until we know that you're alright."

I don't move or talk giving no indication that I heard him. I hate the idea of being in the infirmary but I want to be punished. Steve puts down the railing and sits on the side of my bed, pulling me to him, cradling my head against his chest, kissing my forehead several times, rocking slightly. "I love you baby girl. I know that you are afraid to move or to make noise. You don't have to be afraid of Cross or Marcus. They are both in jail and Cross is being guarded with special measures so he can't control anyone. They cannot get to you. Right now, you are living with us at the compound. We are screening everyone who comes in and out of the building. There is no way that Cross or Marcus can reach you, they can't hurt you anymore."

Bruce comes into the room holding the items he will need to start the IV, pausing, watching for a break in the moment, then comes around to the side of my bed opposite of Steve. Bruce allows Steve to continue to hold me while he starts the IV, then puts the nasal cannula tip in my nostrils then laces the tubing around my ears for oxygen. Bruce runs his fingers through the hair on my temples. "I love you baby girl," Bruce says, gently kissing my forehead, before leaving the room.

Steve continues working with me. "It's ok to move and talk, you won't get in trouble. You are a good girl, Jamie." Steve pulls me away just enough so he can see my eyes. "You are a good girl." I look at Steve briefly then look away so he says it again. "You are a good girl." I can feel tears begin to well up along my eyes. "You are a good girl." Steve says with an emphasis on 'good.' "You are a good girl and I love you very much. You are a good girl and you are my daughter. Please, baby girl, believe me." Steve brings me back into a hug.

I start to cry, my shoulders quaking with every sob. Steve holds me tighter, soothing me while I cry, wanting me to feel his love. "You are a good girl."

"No, I'm not," I cry. "I'm a bad girl, a very bad girl. I need to be punished so I can be a good girl."

Steve adjusts so he can see my eyes, "You are not bad and you do not need to be punished."

"Yes, I am," I scream and push Steve away.

Steve reaches around me, restraining my arms preventing me from hitting him and from pushing him away. I fight, not wanting Steve to comfort me. "Stop! I am bad, I am. Punish me, please, so I can be a good girl, please. I don't want to be bad anymore, help me." I cry uncontrollably, completely overcome with fear and frustration. Steve continues to hold me, restraining my arms at my sides in a tight hug while I cry. "Why won't you help me?" I whine, not expecting an answer.

"Because I love you. I love you too much to hurt you for any reason," Steve says, a few tears running down his cheeks. "But I'm willing to help you by snuggling, talking to you, spending time with you, doing desensitization trials, holding you, sitting with you at the infirmary, or whatever else you need. You do not need punishment, punishment would hurt you more."

I hear some small noises around me, _everyone is here_. I wonder how much of that they heard. Even though they already know all sorts of awful things about me, I still feel a little embarrassed. Steve continues to hold me but has let up some with the restraint; I bury my face in his chest. After I've been calm for a few minutes, Steve pulls away so he can see my eyes. "Are you ok?"

I nod and lie back on the mattress. _Clint is still here._ "Why are you still here, go home!" I yell, furious with Clint

Clint sits down on the edge of my bed. I cross my arms and look away not wanting to deal with Clint. "I know you're afraid of being rejected so you're rejecting me first. Laura and I still want you and so do Lila and Cooper and I'm sure Nathaniel will love you too. I talked to Laura, Cooper and Lila will be going to camp all next week. We can have Laura's parents watch Nathaniel. This is the perfect week for you to come and spend some time getting to know us. We can have a bedtime for you, give you chores, all the things that we do with Cooper and Lila. We will show you how we work through feelings and problems in our family too. Sound good?"

I think for a moment; normal stuff sounds good. I smile then nod.

Tony grins, "You're happy about chores?"

"No, I'm happy about normal."

Clint opens his arms, offering a hug. I lean in allowing Clint to hug me.

"How about some rest? You hurt your head, remember?" Bruce instructs.

"I feel fine, I want to leave!" I growl, arms crossed.

Bruce consoles, "Jamie…"

"No!" I scream then rip the IV out and try to get out of the bed.

Steve and Clint grab me right away. "No, no, don't touch me, stop!" I scream.

Steve stops and signals for Clint to stop. I am breathing heavy, eyes wide, shaking. I pull my knees up close to my chest protectively. Steve puts up his hands, showing me that he's not going to hurt me. "No one's going to hurt you, Jamie. You're ok."

I continue to shake, afraid someone will hurt me, but I'm not sure why.

"Can I hold you?" Clint asks.

I shake my head, not wanting to talk or be touched. I notice Bruce leaves the room for a few minutes, then Hulk comes in. Hulk opens his arms and I go to him, wrapping my arms around his neck hiding my face between my arm and his neck. He patiently holds me, patting my back. It takes a while but I eventually calm down. Hulk puts me back on the bed, touching my chin encouraging me to look at him. I comply, briefly, then look away.

"Ready to talk?" Steve asks.

I nod.

"What happened?"

"I don't know. I just got scared, I was afraid that…" I stop talking, not wanting to say the rest.

"What were you afraid of?"

I shake my head.

Steve backs off, not wanting to push me. "Ok kiddo, you don't have to say anymore."

I visibly relax. Bruce comes in a few minutes later.

"Well, you still need the IV. What should we do about this?" Bruce says not wanting to start something but not ok with letting me go without treatment.

I sigh then hold out my arm. I'm not sure what's different about right now but I'm ok with it. Bruce restarts the IV and oxygen, gently touching my arm careful not to scare me.

Steve stays with me, holding my hand for a couple hours.

Bruce comes in to check on me. "How are you feeling?"

"Ok."

"Ready for another scan?" Bruce says carefully.

"Ok," I say, sounds like Bruce is afraid of me freaking out.

The scan's clear so Bruce says that I can go back to the living quarters. I go straight to my room then to my bathroom. Nat stands just outside the door, I think she's afraid of me freaking out too. I test it. I shut the door to see what she does. She doesn't even open the door. Wow. I finish in the bathroom then open the door. Nat is standing anxiously right outside. "I'm fine," I say walking passed her to my bed. I get in under the covers and grab my teddy bear. Nat sits next to me but doesn't put her hand on my shoulder like she usually does. I sigh, missing the attention. Steve comes in my room and sits down on the recliner, not next to me. I feel lonely. After a while, I start to cry.

"What's wrong?" Steve asks alarmed.

"I'm really sorry."

"Everything's ok, Jamie."

"No, it's not. Bruce was extra gentle, Nat didn't come in the bathroom and she let me close the door, and you're not snuggling with me."

"I'm sorry, I guess we just want to be extra careful that you don't feel scared."

"Please snuggle with me," I plead, a few tears remaining.

Steve gives me a sad smile, then moves to my bed. I lay my head on Steve's chest, my breathing hitching from crying. Steve snuggles tight, making me feel better.


	60. Chapter 60

Chapter 60

 _No, I don't want to, stop. 'Are you aloud to talk?' Please stop, please. 'Say more please.' Crack, crack, crack, crack, crack!_

I bolt upright in bed, screaming.

"Jamie, you're alright. It's ok. You're fine," someone utters from behind then someone touches my shoulder. _Don't hurt me, please._ I scream, losing control of my bladder, shaking while curled up in a ball. _Don't move, don't talk, don't move, don't talk._ I repeat over and over to remind myself of the rules completely lost in my terror.

Nat asks me if I want to snuggle, but I don't want her or anyone to touch me so I curl up tighter then flinch from my movement, ' _Are you allowed to move?' Crack, crack, crack, crack, crack._

* * *

Steve is abruptly woken up by a shrill scream. Immediately, he knows what's going on…Jamie's having a nightmare. "Jamie, you're alright. It's ok. You're fine," Steve says reaching out to put his hand on Jamie's shoulder to help calm her down.

Jamie screams again, scrunching up into a tight ball.

Steve doesn't know what to do, so he calls Nat to come help. He leaves the room for a few minutes to fill Nat in on what happened. With a rundown of the past ten minutes, Nat enters Jamie's room talking softly with her hands up as if approaching a scared, cornered animal. Jamie looks up slightly, still shaking, then hides her face again.

"Jamie, honey, do you want to snuggle?"

Jamie curls up tighter, obviously not wanting to be touched.

"I'll be right back sweetie." Nat leaves Jamie's room to talk with Steve in the hall, discussing their next move. About five minutes later, Hulk shows up.

* * *

"Hulk hold Jamie." I start to cry being careful not to move so Hulk picks me up to comfort me. I hold completely still, terrified of what will happen if I move. Hulk continues to hold me, patiently comforting me.

The next morning, Tony comes into my room wondering what's going on since no one was in the kitchen. I see Steve whispering to Tony. Tony nods then walks over to me.

"How ya doing kiddo?"

I start to cry. Tony reaches over and rubs my forehead. "Ready to talk?"

I shake my head.

"Ok. Maybe later. How about a shower?" My eyes get wide with fear and I start to shake. "Are you afraid to take a shower?"

I don't respond.

"Why are you afraid?" Tony says looking around at the others.

I don't respond.

"Would you feel better if you were in the bathroom by yourself?"

I nod.

"Ok, let's try that," Tony says then Hulk puts me down near the bathroom.

I go into the bathroom and close the door eyeing up the shower where I will feel more vulnerable. Wrapping my arms around myself trying to calm my body, I head into the shower stall and remove my clothing with the curtain shut listening closely for the door. I turn on the water, only minutely aware of the temperature, and let it run over me but I don't actually clean myself. Being undressed makes me feel vulnerable and scared mixed with not being able to hear as well if the door opens so I quickly get dressed again, feeling more protected. Taking advantage of the alone time in the bathroom, I move to the closet, curling up tight underneath my hanging clothes where I feel safer. Someone knocks on the bathroom door.

"Jamie, are you ok?" Nat asks. "Jamie?" Nat opens the bathroom door to look for me.

She comes in and goes to the closet knowing that's where I go to hide. "Hey, kiddo, how are you doing?"

I don't respond.

Steve warns, "I'm going to pick you up so we can snuggle." I curl up smaller but Steve decides to go ahead and pick me up. I remain completely still, making no noise. Steve cradles my head in his hand against his chest, carries me to the living room sitting down on the couch. "How can we help you?"

Clint comes into the room after arriving at the compound. Nat quietly fills Clint in on what's been going on during the night then he approaches me.

"Hi baby girl. Rough night?" Clint asks while brushing some loose strands of hair out of my face, I move slightly toward him but try not to move. "Do you want me to hold you?" Clint asks then waits for me.

I nod slightly.

Clint smiles brightly while picking me up. "I'm so happy that you moved," Clint says while giving me a tight hug. "I love you so much baby girl."

I start to cry, hard. I've been so afraid to move, especially since my dream. I snuggle up, wrapping my arms around Clint's neck, tucking my face between my arm and his neck. "I'm scared."

"I know you are baby, but you're really ok. Everyone is here with you-Steve, Tony, Nat, Hulk, me-we are all here for you. No one is going to hurt you." Clint pulls away slightly to look at me, "Do you believe that you are safe with us?"

"Yeah, but I'm still scared."

"Ok, so you know that we aren't going to hurt you, but your body is telling you to be afraid?"

I nod.

"We need to convince your body that you aren't in danger."

"How?"

"Let's go swimming, let's go play together. What do you think Steve, Tony, either of you want to go play?"

"Yeah, sure," Steve says. "Jamie?"

I nod.

Nat comes with me to change into my swim suit but stays in my bedroom instead of coming into the bathroom with me.

I feel self-conscious about the cuts and scars on my legs. Nat must understand how I'm feeling. "You can wear the cover-up or wrap a towel around your waist. Ok?"

I nod then wrap the towel around my waist.

Nat walks next to me to the pool where Steve, Tony and Clint are already swimming. Standing right beside the ladder, I remove my towel then climb in backwards into the warm pool water. I swim a few laps alone first. It feels good to do something different, something familiar from before. I start to feel my body settling down, feeling more normal instead of amped up ready for pain. I swim over to Steve and climb on his back allowing him to swim around with me. I'm still quiet but am starting to feel better. We swim for about a half hour. I just don't feel like playing right now. My dads try to get me to play a few times but give up seeing that I'm at least doing better. "Ready for breakfast?" Clint asks. "I'm starving."

"Ok."

We all get out of the pool. Nat brings my towel over to me to help me hide my gnarly legs. We all walk together back to the wing of bedrooms, change into regular clothes and meet in the kitchen. Clint already has bowls, spoons, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and milk sitting out on the counter. I sit next to Clint, making myself a bowl of cereal then begin eating. I eat about five bites. "Bruce, can I have one of those stomach pills?"

"Sure kiddo," Bruce says with a slight smile then retrieves the medication.

I eat a few more bites after I take the pill then give up on eating. I rest my head on my arm on the cool granite countertop, closing my eyes. I am asleep within moments.

* * *

Steve carefully carries Jamie to her bed, laying her teddy bear next to her and placing a gentle kiss on the side of her head near her temple. Steve reflects for a moment on the fear that she exhibited just hours ago. Vision is recruited to stay with her so someone is there when she wakes up.

The team decides to meet to discuss Jamie's night while she sleeps.

"She woke up screaming, as soon as I touched her shoulder she flinched and lost bladder control," Steve explains.

"I'm not sure we could have handled anything differently. Clint's suggestion to go swimming and praising her for moving were both great ideas. Tony had her take a shower but she was afraid to have me near her so we allowed her to shower alone with the door closed. I'm not confident that she wouldn't hurt herself so I don't know if that's a good option," Nat shares her thoughts.

"Well, I definitely didn't know what to do. She was so scared and my presence seemed to make her worse," Steve adds.

Bruce interjects, "We don't know that your presence made it worse, she was probably just still unable to be touched. Like she said, she's not scared of any of us, it's her body that is reacting. Maybe we should start by talking to her, maybe turning on a dim light so she can see her surroundings. We should bring this up to Jen, maybe without Jamie present though. I don't want her to know that we didn't know what to do for her, she needs to feel like she can let us be in control, that she can trust us to care for her."

"I think those things will work and I agree we should talk to Jen," Tony says then leaves the room, struggling with how much pain Jamie is in. Tony goes to her bedroom, watching her sleep. A few tears escape while Tony thinks about her being so afraid.

Understanding, Steve looks for Tony, finding him sitting in the recliner in Jamie's room. "How are you doing, Tony?"

Tony sighs, "It's hard to watch her in so much pain. I wish I could take it all away somehow."

Steve nods, "Yeah, a magic wand to make it vanish."

Tony offers a sad smile. "I had no idea what it would mean bringing her here to live with us. I assumed that she would mostly be a normal teenager, not needing much from us."

"Do you regret it?"

"No, not at all. I can't imagine life without her anymore. Even with everything that she's going through, the work that goes into caring for her, it's all worth it," Tony says definitively, continuing to watch Jamie sleep.

Steve and Tony sit in silence, watching the girl sleep peacefully.

* * *

"We were wondering if you would meet with us first, Jamie had a rough night; she's still asleep," Steve asks when Jen arrives.

"Of course, tell me about the night."

Steve begins, "She woke up screaming, I presume from a nightmare. I reached over to touch her shoulder to let her know I was there but she reacted like I was going to hurt her, she even lost control of her bladder. She didn't talk for hours, and when she did it was only a few words here and there. We were able to get her to shower eventually but she didn't want Nat with her in the bathroom, she seemed…terrified. We hesitated to allow it because of her history with hurting herself but she'd been sitting in urine soaked pajamas for a couple hours. We could use some suggestions on how to help her when her body is telling her she's in danger even when she knows she's safe with us."

"You are already doing most of the things that I would suggest, it's just difficult. In general, you can have her identify and label feelings when she's ok and when she's starting to struggle. She may also benefit from drawing or writing down what's bothering her instead of talking. It's important not to force her to talk when she's in a PTSD episode but when she's not it's ok to put pressure on her to talk about what she's feeling. You could also remind her of her surroundings, if she's able to talk have her label what she sees in the room; suggest new surroundings; ask her permission before you touch her; and ask her what might help her during those times, especially before there's a problem. If you're afraid that she will self-harm you could suggest snapping a rubber band on her leg or arm, holding an ice cube, exercising, punching a pillow or similar object if she's angry. If it's more because she's worked up or even feeling numb she could seek out snuggles, hold her teddy bear, go for a walk with someone she likes to be with. I know you already cleared out dangerous items so some privacy should be ok but stay close and check on her often. How are all of you doing with Jamie's special needs right now?" Jen asks the team after sharing her thoughts.

Everyone is quiet. Steve, being the leader, goes first, "It's hard to see her so upset and not be able to help much." Everyone nods in agreement. "We give each other breaks when needed and we have meetings where we talk about what's going on and how to help. So, we usually have a game plan in mind. For me, there are times when she has fun, enjoying playing and hanging out with us. Those times help a lot." Again, everyone nods.

Vision is heard over coms, "Jamie is now awake and would like someone to come to her room."

Tony starts to get up, but Steve interjects, "Tony, how about I go, you should spend some time with Jen." Tony rolls his eyes but returns to his seat allowing Steve to go in his place.

Picking up on Steve's clue, Jen turns her attention to Tony. "How are you handling things, Tony?"

"Like Steve said, it's hard sometimes but it's also wonderful sometimes. I think the ideas you gave should be helpful." Tony skillfully dodges Jen's questions to avoid talking about his feelings. Jen allows it but makes a mental note to check in with him again in the future.

"I would like to stop in to see how Jamie's doing," Jen says. "If she doesn't want to talk, maybe I could play near her and possibly try to include her again, that seems to at least help her calm down in my presence. What do you think?"

"Sounds good. Let me warn Jamie first though. If she sees you without expecting it she will likely have a hard time," Tony says then leaves the room.

* * *

I open my eyes confused. Looking around to see who's with me and what time of day it is, I notice Vision staring at me. "Good afternoon, Jamie. How are you today?"

"Hi Vision. I'm ok. Where is everyone?"

"They are meeting, would you like me to inform them that you are awake?"

"Yes, please. I really want someone with me," I whine, starting to cry.

Vision makes the request then says, "Would you like me to sit with you until someone arrives?"

I nod. Vision sits next to me on my bed, then begins to awkwardly pat my shoulder. I chuckle through my tears, "Where did you learn to snuggle?"

"Well, I've never actually snuggled before. I am modeling Mr. Stark's motor behavior that I observed while he engaged in snuggling behavior with you."

"I promise, 'Mr. Stark' has never done that before. Here let me show you," I say then position Vision so that I can lay my head on his chest then I take Vision's arm and lay it across my shoulder. "Good, see, now you are snuggling. How does that feel?"

"Yes, I notice a significant difference in closeness and comfort. I can see why Mr. Stark enjoys snuggling."

A few minutes later, Steve enters the room. He smiles when he sees Vision snuggling with me. "Your first snuggle."

"Yes, Jamie showed me how."

"Looks like she taught you well."

"How are you doing kiddo?"

"Ok," I say neutrally, feeling better than this morning but not great. "Where is everyone?" I ask, slightly worried.

"We were meeting with Jen," Steve says unsure of whether he should tell me.

"Oh."

"Would you like to meet with her too?"

"I don't mind if she's around but I don't want to talk to her."

"Ok, you don't have to talk."

I nod then make my way to the living room expecting Jen to be sitting there.

"Are they still meeting?"

"Probably. Are you hungry?"

I nod.

"Come on, I'll make you a grilled cheese sandwich. How does that sound?"

I smile, "Good."

I stand next to Steve buttering the bread while he begins to heat up the pan and the soup.

Tony comes into the kitchen. "Hi kiddo, how are you doing?"

"I'm ok."

Tony kisses my head. "Happy to hear it."

"Jen is here; she's going to come in, ok?"

"Ok."

"Wait, really?" Tony asks, expecting me to be upset.

"Yeah, I don't mind if she comes in, I just don't want to talk," I explain.

"Ok, I'll let her know."

Steve and Tony share a look, then Tony leaves to retrieve Jen.

"Yum, something smells good," I hear a friendly female voice say. I turn around to confirm that it's Jen. "What are you making?"

I don't respond, opting to look at Steve instead so Steve responds, "Grilled cheese and tomato soup."

"Ooh, I haven't had a grilled cheese sandwich in forever."

Steve offers, "Would you like one too?"

"Yes, thank you."

Jen sits down at the breakfast bar. I can feel her watching me; it's making me uncomfortable. Steve looks over at me, maybe he can tell that I'm feeling uncomfortable so he puts his hand on my shoulder, moving behind me, showing me how to flip the grilled cheese. I'm grateful to be out of her direct gaze. We finish the sandwiches, put them on plates, and serve them. One for Jen, one for Steve and one for me. We all sit down at the table and begin eating. Jen is purposely not looking at me, choosing to look at her sandwich and soup instead. I look over at Steve for reassurance, feeling uneasy around our guest.

"Do anything special while you were in Florida?" Jen asks.

"We went swimming and to Disney World," I respond to her question hesitantly.

"Cool, do you have a favorite ride?"

"Umm, I guess the Toy Story shooting game and Avatar."

"I haven't tried the Avatar ride but I agree the Toy Story ride is lots of fun. Are you a good swimmer?"

I shrug my shoulders.

"Did you play games in the pool or just swim laps?" Jen asks.

I look over at Steve again, wanting reassurance again, feeling somewhat uncomfortable. "Both"

"What games did you play?"

"Umm, just splashing and stuff." I don't want to talk anymore.

"I hear you're going to Clint's house for a week."

I nod looking down. I really don't want to talk anymore.

"Well, I should go now. Thank you for lunch, it was delicious."

"I'll walk you out," Tony offers.

"Thank you. Bye Jamie."

I don't say bye, opting to keep my head down.

Once Jen has left, Steve praises, "You did really good with Jen here today."

I nod, not wanting to talk.

"What should we do this afternoon," Clint asks.

"I think you should go home and spend the rest of the day with Lila and Cooper since they are going to be gone all next week," I suggest.

"Jamie, why do you want Clint to leave?" Steve asks.

"I don't want him to leave. I just think Lila and Cooper should get some special time too," I say without a hint of self-loathing, anger, fear, or anything ill will.

Steve and Clint look at each other. "Yeah, Clint, you should head home. The kids leave tomorrow afternoon, right?"

Clint nods. "We will drop them off at three o'clock then be home by four."

"How about I bring her by around five? Get her settled in then I'll come back here."

"You're not staying?" I ask, sadness creeping into my voice.

"I think you should have some special time with Laura and Clint. If you really miss me, I'll come visit, ok?" Steve says.

I nod, putting my head down. The thought of being without Steve makes me sad. He has been with me every day since I arrived.

"You should take your teddy bear," Steve suggests.

"Mr. G."

"What?" Steve asks smiling.

"His name is Mr. Fluff McGruff. I call him Mr. G for short."

Everyone chuckles. Nat says with mock sincerity, "You know, when I saw him at the store, I thought he looked like a Fluff McGruff."

I smile, I like being playful with my parents.

Clint decides to leave so he can spend the rest of the day with his kids. I feel a little sad but mostly relieved that he is giving them some special time too.


	61. Chapter 61

Chapter 61

Steve is snuggling me on the couch in the evening. "Do you think Lila and Cooper would mind if I called Laura and Clint, 'Mom' and 'Dad'?"

"No, I don't think that they would mind at all. Actually, I bet it would feel right to them now that you are their sister," Steve notes running his fingers through my hair.

Nat strolls into the room, having heard our conversation. "I agree, I think they are expecting that you will call them 'Mom' and 'Dad' besides Laura and Clint already said that you could. You're allowed to choose to call all of us 'Mom' or 'Dad' if you want too."

"I guess. I thought about switching here but I think it would be confusing if I said 'Dad' and four people answered," I explain, "…but there it's just the two of them." I think for a moment, then say my thought aloud, "I guess as long as only one person is in the room or maybe I'm already talking to someone, it wouldn't be too confusing."

"Do you like having so many moms and dads?" Nat asks, curious.

I nod. "It makes me feel special that so many people know me but still love me."

Steve gives me a squeeze and kisses the top of my head. "We sure do love you."

Tony comes into the room with Bruce, Tony sitting on the couch next to me and Bruce sitting on the opposite couch. "Hey what's all this love talk about and how come I'm not included?" Tony asks with a smile.

I sit up, wrapping my arms around Tony's neck, "I love you, Tony."

A tear springs up along Tony's eye, "I love you, too, baby girl." Tony hugs me tight.

I wriggle free then lay my head back, hanging upside down from Tony's lap while he holds my hands so I am looking upside down at Bruce, "I love you, too, Bruce and I love you, too, Hulk."

"We love you too kiddo," Bruce says with a smile.

"Come here you, I want more snuggles," Tony says smiling brightly pulling me back up then wrapping his arms around me.

Tony lifts me up putting his forehead on my forehead for a moment then brings me back into a hug. A few tears fall down my cheeks. Tony notices then looks at me warily, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you."

"I'm not upset. My dad used to do that to me, I always loved it. It just made me think about him but in a happy way," I explain. "I think my dad would be really happy that you're one of my new dads." I wrap my arms around Tony's neck again, nestling my face in between my arm and his neck. Tony rubs my back with a few tears of his own.

At nine thirty, I announce, "I'm ready to go to bed."

"Really?" Nat says, looking around at the others, "Ok. Go ahead and put your pajamas on and brush your teeth."

I get up and walk toward my room. I can hear them talking. Steve says, "Well, it's nine thirty. Clint said that her bedtime would be nine thirty at their house. She's looking for normal routines, trying it out. Go with it."

I smile knowing they aren't going to fight me on this. I eagerly put on my pajamas and brush my teeth. Of course, Nat is waiting for me in my bedroom. I give Nat a big hug, "I love you, too, Mom." Nat kisses the top of my head, keeping me wrapped in the hug until I pull away.

I climb into bed pulling the covers up. Nat hands me my teddy bear, smiling, "Don't forget about Mr. G." I accept my bear putting him under the covers too.

Steve comes into my room and asks, "Mind if I snuggle with you?"

I nod, smiling.

Steve gets into position so I can lay my head on his chest. I have my bear tucked in between us with my arm around my bear. Steve rubs my shoulder and strokes my hair. I fall asleep quickly feeling loved.

I wake up early, anxious. Steve is asleep still holding me. As soon as I start to move, Steve wakes up, saying, "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Ready for breakfast?"

I nod. "Bacon and eggs?" I ask hoping to eat breakfast with Steve, knowing that's his favorite breakfast food.

Steve smiles, "Sure."

I go into the bathroom and get ready. Steve didn't say anything to me but he did get Nat. At least she is staying in my bedroom and just checking on me once in a while.

"Did you pack a bag for Clint's yet?" Nat hollers from my bedroom.

"No."

"Ok. After breakfast, let's pack up your stuff. That way you'll be all set to go."

"Ok," I say without excitement.

When I come out of the bathroom, Nat looks at me for a moment quizzically then asks, "What's wrong? Aren't you excited to spend the week with Clint?"

"Yeah, I'm excited," I say, again without the expected enthusiasm. I don't want to talk about it so I make my way around Nat then begin to walk toward the kitchen. Nat lets me go but I know this isn't over.

When I enter the kitchen, Steve is already working on making breakfast. Tony and Bruce are sitting at the table drinking coffee. I decide to sit at the breakfast bar, hoping to avoid having to talk to anyone. Nat wasn't far behind so I'm sure she's already warned at least Tony and Bruce that something's wrong. _I hate that I can't just feel sad or something without it being a big deal._ I continue to look at my hands to avoid looking anywhere else. Steve turns around, looks passed me, at someone at the table then to me. "How are you doing kiddo?"

"I'm ok."

"Ready for eggs and bacon?"

"Yeah."

"How about you go sit at the table, I'm going to set up the food there for all of us."

I sigh, holding back a few tears as well. "Alright," I comply, _let's get this over with._

Steve brings the food over to the table and everyone sits together. I eat a few bites, still expecting to be pounced on at any second but no one says anything. They start up some small talk with each other. I continue to eat small bites every so often so that I am technically still eating, hoping that I'm not drawing attention to myself. After I've eaten about half of my food, Steve says, "So are you excited to spend the week at Clint's house?"

 _Here it comes._ "Yeah, I'm excited," I say trying to add some excitement to my voice but failing.

"It doesn't sound like you're excited. What's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong. I said that I was excited."

"Hmm, I would like you to either tell us what's wrong or write it down. We picked up a notebook for you to write down things like this that are bothering you but you would rather not say."

I cross my arms. "I said that I'm fine. Leave me alone." I get up from the table, fortunately I thought to sit on the end, and walk toward my room.

Steve follows me. "Jamie"

"Leave…me…alone!" I scream, nearly crying, then begin running. I make it to my room and into my closet before Steve catches up with me. I close the closet door and sit down in front of it, blocking them from opening the door. I look up and notice that the hinges are on my side. _Maybe that will slow them down some._

Steve knocks on the door and says as calmly as he can muster, "Jamie, please let me in."

I ignore him. "Jamie, open the door. You can stay in the closet but I want the door open."

"No." I put my fingers under the door. "Don't try to open the door. My fingers are jammed under the door so if you try to open it, you will hurt my fingers."

"Please tell me what's wrong," Steve nearly begs, sounding defeated.

"I don't know what's wrong," I say truthfully, feeling sorry for Steve.

"Are you worried about being at Clint's house?"

I don't respond.

"Ok, well, would you feel better if I stayed for a while, until you felt ready for me to leave."

"Yes."

"We should snuggle on the couch. Would you like that?" Steve suggests.

I start to sob. "Jamie?" Steve asks concerned. "Jamie, talk to me. Why are you upset?"

I don't respond.

Steve sounds more desperate now, "Jamie?"

I move away from the door, allowing Steve to come inside, which he takes advantage of right away, then kneels next to me, pausing briefly before saying, "Can I pick you up?"

I nod. So, Steve scoops me up bringing me into a hug and carries me out of the closet. I tuck my face in between my arm and Steve's neck while he rubs my back. Steve heads out to the living room, sits down, positioning me on his lap so we are snuggling. Steve continues to keep his arms wrapped around me while I cry. When I calm down Steve tries again, "What's wrong?"

"I don't know. I'm worried about how things will go. What if I get really mad and Laura doesn't like me anymore? And, I'll miss being here with everyone," I complain.

Steve hugs me, "I'll come along and stay until you feel settled in. If you miss me, I'll come visit you. Sound good?"

I nod, hiding my face in my hands while lying up against Steve's chest. Steve continues to comfort me, maintaining the hug and periodically kissing my head. Several minutes go by then Steve says, "Is there something else bothering you, you still haven't really calmed down?"

"I don't know," I say agreeing that something is wrong but I really don't know.

"Are you feeling scared?"

"A little."

"But you've been to Clint's a few times and you weren't scared those times, right?"

I nod.

"Hmm, do you feel like we're sending you away, like when your parents went on a trip?"

I bolt up, thinking about the possibility. I start to cry, hard. _That's it!_ Steve tightens his grip, holding my head against his chest.

"I promise we aren't trying to send you away and you know Clint. You know you're safe with him, right?"

I nod.

"We're not going to let you be with someone other than one of us and we're not going anywhere, we're not leaving. If you need us, we are still available, ok? You are safe at Clint's house."

I'm still sobbing, "I don't want to be hurt anymore."

My words break Steve's heart. He holds me close, comforting me. "I know baby, I know. I don't want you to be hurt anymore either and I will do everything in my power to keep you safe, I promise."

I stay in Steve's arms for a long time, still feeling scared even though I know Clint is safe. "Steve?"

"Yeah?"

I explain, "I haven't been away from you since I came here. I feel safe with you. You are the one who helps me the most when I'm upset. I'm scared to be away from you."

Steve continues to hold me. "I will stay until you feel ok there and I can come back if you need me to."

"Ok." I say, taking comfort in knowing Steve will come if I need him.

I continue to snuggle with Steve most of the morning and into the afternoon. Bruce wants me to eat lunch but I refuse. He doesn't fight me though so I get away with not eating. Tony comes in the living room and sits on the couch. "Can I have a turn?"

I smile and go to Tony, who picks me up and puts me on his lap, wrapping his arms around me. Tony places a kiss on my cheek then I snuggle against his chest. Steve leaves the room, which bothers me some but I am enjoying snuggling with Tony. "How are you baby girl?"

"Better."

Nat enters the room with my backpack. "I packed up some clothes for you and your teddy bear."

"Fluff McGruff"

Tony chuckles, "What?"

"My bear's name is Mr. Fluff McGruff."

Tony hugs me, smiling. "I love you baby girl."

"I love you too."

"Ready to go?" Steve asks, entering the living room with a bag.

I sigh then nod.

"Bye, baby girl, hope you have lots of fun at Clint's," Tony says while squeezing me then lets me get off his lap.

I head over to Nat to retrieve my backpack giving her a big hug. "I'll miss you, kiddo. We'll call to check on you, ok?"

I nod. I hang on for a while soaking up the safety I feel with her, hoping she will still be there when I get back, wanting to know that she isn't sending me away. Nat doesn't try to let go, allowing me to hug as long as I want. I remind myself several times that I want to go to Clint's and no one is leaving me.

"Where's Bruce?"

Tony calls Bruce over coms. "I'm coming, don't let them leave until I get there."

A few minutes later Bruce enters the room out of breath. "Sorry, I had to wait until a test that I was running finished up." Bruce opens his arms for a hug. I walk into his embrace smiling that Bruce made it back to say goodbye. "Have fun."

After all of the goodbyes are done, Steve and I board the jet to go to Clint's house.


	62. Chapter 62

Chapter 62

I sit curled up, still feeling a little scared, on the bench seat along the side of the plane. I know that it doesn't make sense but the scared feeling is still there. The trip feels super short this time, not giving me the down time that I was hoping for.

"Ready?" Steve asks, right before opening the oversized cargo door.

I wrap my arms around Steve, shedding a few tears. "I know it doesn't make sense but I still feel a little scared."

"Everything's alright," Steve says then pulls back so he can look at my face, "I love you and so do Clint and Laura."

I nod. Steve opens the door and we walk out, me holding Steve's hand, about ten yards from where the cargo door touches the ground to meet up with Laura and Clint who are waiting for us. I walk right to Clint and wrap my arms around him, tucking my face in, hoping to feel safer. It helps some. Clint backs away slightly then squats just enough to be an eye level with me, putting his hands on either side of my face to capture my gaze, "Are you ok?"

I nod.

"I want you to talk to me if you're not, ok?"

I nod.

Clint brings me in for another hug, holding me tight. I let go then hug Laura. "Hi kiddo. I'm so excited that you're here."

We all head inside the house, I return to holding Steve's hand while we walk. Laura has dinner ready for us so we all sit down at the table, eating spaghetti _. It's been a long time since I've had spaghetti and it tastes just like Mom's._ I heartily eat, enjoying the special dish.

"After dinner, do you want to do some shooting?"

I smile and nod.

Clint and I head outside to his shooting range with our gear. We start shooting. I'm so happy that I can use the compound bow again now that the cast is off. The first few arrows meet their target but then I start missing.

"What's happening kiddo?" Clint asks.

"I don't know," I respond truthfully.

"I already know that you were upset earlier. I want you to tell me if you don't feel safe, ok?"

"Ok."

I keep missing-I flop down to the ground, frustrated. Clint sits next to me in the grass, "Talk to me."

"I don't know why but this feels like when my dad dropped me off at our neighbor's house," I explain.

"Are you afraid of anything here?"

"No, not really. I'm thinking about the last time that I was here when I was scared."

"We removed the item from the pantry and did a sweep of the house for other possible items that may be difficult for you."

"Thanks, that should help."

"Steve is planning to sleep here tonight as well. We want you to feel just as safe here as you feel at the compound, whatever it takes."

I smile, "Thanks, Clint."

Clint puts his arm around me, kissing the side of my head.

"I'm sorry I'm being difficult."

"It's ok, really. We want you to feel safe and loved."

I lean my head against Clint; Clint places another gentle kiss on my head.

"Feeling better?"

I nod.

"Want to try shooting again?"

"Yeah."

I start shooting again, hitting the bullseye several times without missing the target at all.

"We should shoot every day at least once while you're here."

"Ok."

* * *

Steve and Laura are sitting on the porch watching Clint and Jamie.

Laura asks, "How has she been doing?"

"She's struggling lately, a lot of PTSD episodes. Even when she can rationalize that she is safe, her body can be scared. Did Clint go over the psychologist's suggestions?"

"Yes, we've talked quite a bit about it. I'm nervous, I hope I don't do anything wrong."

"Well, it's not an exact science. I think we've all made mistakes so don't take it personally if you do too. Clint has dealt with several so I'm sure with him guiding you through it, you'll do fine. Really, she needs a lot of hugs, snuggles and reassurance. If she's scared, ask permission to touch her and say what you're going to do right before you do it then pay attention to her reactions, back off if she seems more scared."

"Ok." Laura and Steve watch as Jamie and Clint sit down on the grass. "Clint mentioned that she has been opening up more to him especially while shooting. I think he's planning to spend time every day out here so hopefully that helps. Any other suggestions?"

"My only other suggestion is to take care of yourself. Jamie is extra sensitive to our frustration and whether or not we know what to do. So, if you're getting overwhelmed, take a break when Clint is available to step in. I will be available to come out too, if needed. Are you sure you want to do this; her behaviors can be challenging?"

"Yes, I'm definitely sure. I want to get to know her, I want to be able to be there for her."

"The best advice I can give is to not take any of the problem behavior personally. Every time something happens, she feels really bad about it later."

Laura nods, feeling better having had the chance to talk to Steve about her concerns.

* * *

Clint and I finish up shooting, having shot all of our arrows, and head back to the porch with our gear where Laura and Steve are drinking lemonade. "Have fun?" Steve asks.

"Yup."

"Would you like some lemonade?" Laura asks us.

"Yes, please," I say politely wanting to make a good impression.

Laura pours a glass for Clint and a glass for me. I drink nearly the entire cup within a few seconds after working up a sweat shooting in the late July heat.

"What are we going to do this week?" I ask.

"Well, we're planning on spending a lot of time together maybe go for a bike ride, swim in the lake, play games or whatever sounds goods. We will do a lot of shooting too. We want to introduce you to a week with us as your parents including bedtimes and some chores. You and Laura should try to spend some time together too," Clint explains.

I nod, indicating that I understand and agree to the plans.

I look down, feeling embarrassed, "What if I get upset, scared, or mad?"

"Talk to us about it. If we are doing something that is upsetting, let us know. We will handle things here pretty much the same way as at the compound. I'm sure we will do lots of snuggling too," Clint explains.

I nod, still looking down, feeling uncomfortable. "Do I still have to be with someone everywhere I go?"

"Yes," Clint says firmly but still with a caring tone.

"What are you worried about?" Steve asks.

I really don't want to say that I'm worried about the bathroom so I avoid the truth, "Nothing specific."

Laura interjects picking up on my concern, "I won't be in the bathroom with you unless you really need that or want that. My plan is to stay in your bedroom with the bathroom door open a little. Sound good?"

I nod, feeling a little better.

"Can I walk around the yard?"

"Sure, but stay where we can still see you," Clint responds.

I get up and start to walk around not really looking at anything, just putting some distance between them and me. I walk around, unaware that I have my arms wrapped around my center, feeling insecure and worried.

I feel someone touch my shoulder causing me to drop into a low crouch, shaking. "Jamie, hey, you're ok, kiddo," I hear Clint talking, but I don't move from my position, feeling like moving would make things worse. Clint moves around to face me. "Jamie, you're here with Steve, Laura and me. You're at my house. We just finished shooting with bows." I slowly look up, starting to come around. "Can I hold you?"

I nod.

Clint picks me up. I wrap my arms around his neck tucking my face in between my arm and his neck. "You're ok baby girl. No one is going to hurt you," Clint comforts while rubbing my back. I haven't stopped shaking yet. Clint walks back to the house and takes me inside to snuggle on the couch. Laura and Steve follow us taking up seats nearby. I keep my face tucked in along Clint's chest now that I am sitting on his lap. "Are you starting to calm down?"

I nod, still not wanting to talk.

"What happened?" Clint asks.

I shrug my shoulders, really not knowing what happened.

"Would you like to snuggle for a while and watch a movie?"

I nod repositioning myself so I am lying up against Clint with a couch pillow under my head.

I close my eyes, quickly falling asleep.


	63. Chapter 63

Chapter 63

I wake up in my bed feeling scared because I was lying on my back which reminds me of what the boy did and, even though it's the middle of the night, I don't feel tired anymore since I fell asleep so early. Clint and Laura put in a night light so I can see in the dark, I guess because I was scared last time. The break from my fear that sleep sometimes brings is now over, I am reminded of being scared last night, causing me to feel even more scared now. I can't stand the thought of being in this strange bed so I quietly get up and pad downstairs. At the bottom of the steps, the unusually dark living room with odd moonlit sections leaves me feeling anxious. With a shudder, I move on to the kitchen. My anxiety is heightened when I spot the pantry where the yardstick is kept. I open the pantry's door but find the yardstick missing. I feel slightly disappointed; I wanted to use it to administer the familiar punishment. I set off to find it, first looking under the sink then the hall closet. I don't find the yardstick but I spot something that should work, a thick plastic hanger.

In my hands, the hanger feels hard yet light-inconspicuous. I hold out my left arm and give it a hard whack. I nearly yelp with pain but manage to keep quiet. I think to myself, ' _You are not allowed to move and you are not allowed to make noise.'_ I head back to the pantry curling up on the floor of the small room, hitting my arm over and over as hard as I can. The nasty bruise is back, a badge to wear proudly of my accomplishment. Tears begin falling down my cheeks, an amalgamation of the physical pain in my arm and the hatred I feel toward myself coming through as an unyielding drive to punish myself. I call out a number, the dosage for how bad I am.

When I reach the final swat, breathing heavy as the adrenaline begins to wear thin, I look down at my arm now with even more hatred than before. Instinctively, my legs curl up toward my chest, the shaking returns with fervor, and the tears come in waves. I'm reliving the horrors in my mind-the boy, the guard, the stick, the shame-here in the pantry, with yet another new injury, curled up alone, lost in my memories.

Someone is calling my name but I don't answer.

 _'_ _Are you allowed to move? Are you allowed to make noise?'_

"Jamie!"

 _Steve?_

 _Crack, crack, crack, crack, crack!_

"Jamie!"

The pantry door opens, "Jamie!" I hear Laura yell, I flinch.

 _'_ _Are you allowed to move?' Crack, crack, crack!_

Clint comes in the pantry, "Jamie."

 _Don't move, don't move!_ I repeat the instructions over and over so I won't need more hits.

"She's not responding," Clint says to Steve.

Clint reaches down slowly, prepared to back off if needed. _Don't move, don't move._ I remind myself. As soon as Clint's hands touch me, I feel myself flinch. ' _Are you allowed to move?'_ Clint pauses for a moment then continues picking me up, removing me from the pantry. Clint lays my head against his shoulder then carries me to the living room couch. He carefully sits down, repositioning me so I am laying against his chest. He keeps my head cradled, periodically kissing the top of my head. "You're ok baby girl. No one is going to hurt you."

As if on cue, Laura notices that I am hurt, "Her arm."

Clint lifts up my left arm, examining the damage. Steve goes to the pantry and retrieves the hanger, shows it to them then puts it away in the closet. I feel ashamed, not that I hurt myself but that they can see what I did. I don't want Laura to see how broken I am. The guilt starts to bring me back to the present as fresh tears begin to flow.

Clint informs the others of my status, "She's coming out of it."

I can feel Laura looking at me, I cry harder and hide my face.

"Everything's ok baby girl. No one is mad at you," Clint consoles.

"Let me hold her," Laura suggests.

Clint holds me tight against him while moving forward, placing me on Laura's lap. Laura takes a similar position, holding me against her chest, cradling my head while stroking my hair. I feel only warmth and love from her, not the rejection that I feared. "Jamie, you are so precious to me. Thank you for letting me hold you. I love you so much," Laura says then kisses my forehead.

Steve kneels in front of me, "Better?"

I nod.

"Can you talk yet?"

I shake my head.

Steve leaves the room for a while. I stay with Laura, feeling like I am being held by my mom. Clint stays with us, reassuring me that everything is ok.

"Ready for our special breakfast?" Clint asks.

I nod then get up from Laura's lap and follow Clint into the kitchen. Clint sets up our cereal while I wait at the table. He places the bowl down in front of me then sits next to me. I eat a few bites, starting to feel more like myself. Clint rubs my back briefly then takes another bite of his cereal. I continue to eat, feeling bad about causing another problem but knowing that it's ok.

After we're done eating, Clint directs me to the couch for our talk. I don't fight it, knowing I will not win but dreading it nonetheless. Steve is already waiting for me and Laura is now sitting on another chair across the room, _no doubt protecting herself from me in case I start to hit and kick_ , I think sourly. Clint sits next to me on my uninjured side with the injured arm resting against the armrest at the end of the couch and Steve sits across from me. I sigh.

"What happened?" Steve asks.

I don't respond.

Steve decides to switch to some yes/no questions. "Were you scared in bed last night?"

I nod.

"Were you planning to hurt yourself when you came downstairs?"

I shake my head.

"Did you hurt yourself in the pantry?"

I nod, starting to cry.

"Why?"

I shake my head.

"Why did you go in the pantry?"

I don't respond.

Steve sighs, remembering he needs to ask yes/no questions. "Were you looking for the yardstick?"

I nod.

"Did you want to hurt yourself with the yardstick?"

I nod.

"But you discovered that it was moved so you wanted to find something else to hit yourself with?"

I nod.

"Why did you want to hurt yourself?"

I cry harder. _I have to be punished. I have to be punished._

"Jamie…" Steve implores me to respond.

"I don't know, I just had to. I don't want to talk anymore."

Steve replies, "We can talk more later. Bruce is coming to look at your arm."

"No! My arm is fine, see!" I yell while hitting my arm with my right fist. I wince a few times. Steve grabs my arms, blocking me from hitting the injured arm. "Stop!" I yell trying to get away. "Leave me alone! I don't want Bruce to come here!"

Steve turns to Laura, "Can we get a bath towel?"

Laura nods then retrieves a bath towel, handing it to Clint. Clint holds my right arm while Steve wraps the towel around the outside of my injured arm, securing it against my stomach. "Stop, please," I beg. Clint applies pressure on my shoulder to get me to lean forward allowing Steve to tie the corners together in the back.

* * *

Jamie disconnects again. Images of the boy pulling her onto his lap to smack her flood her mind. Since she stopped fighting, Clint sat her up then, seeing that her eyes are distant, pulls her onto his lap, wrapping his arms around her. Steve puts his head down, sighing.

A few minutes later, Dr. Strange escorts Bruce right into Clint's living room. "What happened?" Dr. Strange asks.

"She hurt herself, hit her arm with a hanger during the night. I don't know why yet," Steve says while rubbing his forehead. "We started talking about it but she shut down. Then, when we mentioned Bruce was coming she got upset, starting hitting her injured arm again. We wrapped her arm to protect it in case it's broken again, I think the physical interaction messed her up," Steve explains, the stress of the situation getting to him.

"You should take a break," Bruce recommends. "We can look at her arm and try to bring her back."

Steve nods then moves out of the way but doesn't go far. Clint repositions Jamie so Bruce can get to her arm laying it flat on a lead mat, Bruce uses a homemade, portable, x-ray device to scan Jamie's arm. "The bone is fine, just a deep bruise." With the medical exam complete, Bruce also runs tests to determine if Cross has been at work. "No mind control or meddling."

"Jamie," Bruce says while looking directly at Jamie's face. "You are at Clint's house. I just looked at your arm, it's fine. Clint is holding you. Laura, Steve, and Dr. Strange are here too." Jamie's eyes appear to adjust, indicating that she is coming out of the PTSD episode. "How are you feeling, kiddo?"

* * *

I look away not wanting to talk. Bruce puts his finger under my chin, guiding my face to look at him. "Jamie, are you ok?"

I nod.

"What happened?"

"I don't know," I say sadly.

"Why did you come downstairs during the night?"

"Bad dream."

"What was it about?"

I look around at everyone in the living room with me, feeling uncomfortable sharing private things. Bruce notices then asks, "Would you like to talk to just one of us?"

I nod and look at Clint.

Clint responds, "Do you want to talk to me?"

I nod.

"Here or outside at the range?"

"Outside."

I get up and walk outside with Clint following. I sit down on the grass near the range, curling up with my knees against my chest and my arms wrapped around my legs.

"So, what was your dream about?"

"I dreamt that I was tied to the bed with the boy again," I say, feeling nauseous, hunching my shoulders. "I wanted to get away from the bed but when I went downstairs it felt so weird and then I saw the pantry. I really wanted the yardstick but I could only find a hanger."

"I'm so sorry that boy hurt you. Honey, I don't want you to hurt herself. It's like you're hurting yourself because he hurt you, that doesn't make sense. The boy punished you for moving and talking, neither of those things are actually bad, you know that, right?" Clint asks.

I shrug my shoulders.

"He wanted to hurt you without you stopping him or getting him in trouble, that's why he used the yardstick. It wasn't to help you in any way, it was to help himself," Clint murmurs, his words laced with sadness. "Please let us know when you are feeling that way next time so we can help you before you hurt yourself. Will you do that for me?"

"I'll try but when that happens all I want to do is hurt myself, what I want right now won't matter. I don't have much control over the things that I do…" Briefly pausing, despair creeping in, "…I'm broken."

Clint wraps his arm around me. "You're not broken it's more like dirt in your cogs, we just have to get all of the junk that the boy and Cross put in there then things will run smoothly again."

"Is Laura freaked out now?" I ask, afraid of the answer. "Does she want me to leave now?"

"Nope. She already knew what to expect. We talked about what happens and what you need. She doesn't want you to leave, she wants you more. She wants to be able to take care of you, to help you get better. She's your mom now, she wants to 'mom' you."

I smile. "I like when she 'moms' me."

Clint wraps his arm around my shoulder. "I love you baby girl."

"I love you too Dad." Clint smiles and gives me a kiss on the side of my head.

"Ready to go back inside?" Clint asks.

I nod.

Waiting inside, everyone is sitting around the living room, drinking lemonade and chatting. I try to sneak unnoticed but everyone turns to look at me like I'm the bride at a wedding. I take a seat on the couch joined quickly by Laura and Steve. Laura looks at me, "Are you feeling better now?"

I nod, then tearfully wrap my arms around her, "I'm really sorry."

"It's ok, sweetie, I know you're hurting right now." Laura comforts by rubbing my back and stroking my hair.

"Well, I think we should head back now," Bruce says.

"Wait." I jump up bursting into a hug. Bruce is surprised at first, then wraps his arms around me too, kissing the top of my head.

A few tears fall down my cheeks but I'm not sure why. "Thanks," I say feeling grateful that he came to help me.

Then, I move to Dr. Strange, giving him a hug too. He freezes at first then puts his arm awkwardly on my shoulder. "Glad I could help."

"Thanks for helping the other times too," I say feeling shy and a little embarrassed.

Dr. Strange kneels down to be closer to my level, "Thanks for letting me in."

I smile, tears in my eyes, wrapping my arms around Dr. Strange's neck who pats my back, "I love you too, Jamie."

Dr. Strange escorts Bruce back to the compound, quickly leaving with the sling ring. Laura is amazed, watching the glowing circle of sparks open then close behind them. "You get used to it," I say, shrugging. Everyone chuckles.


	64. Chapter 64

Chapter 64

"What do you want to do?" Clint asks.

"Snuggle."

I lie against Clint, feeling safe finally. Laura moves to sit on the cushion where my feet are, replacing them on her lap, keeping her hand on my leg. Steve goes outside for a while, maybe he needs a break. After a while, Laura gets up, kisses my head then goes into the kitchen. Clint continues to stroke my hair. "How are you doing kiddo?"

"Ok."

"Lunch is ready," Laura calls from the kitchen.

We take our seats around the table. "Where's Steve?"

"I'm here," Steve says walking into the kitchen.

Steve sits in the chair next to me. "Where were you?"

"I went for a walk," Steve reassures.

Laura brings over stuff for sandwiches and a bowl of potato salad that's still warm. I eat a full sandwich and a helping of potato salad. Steve leans over and kisses my head. I smile.

As we finish up eating, Steve says, "Feeling ready for me to leave?"

I freeze then shake my head.

"Ok, I'll check back in with you later," Steve says.

"Would you like to swim or go for a bike ride?" Clint asks.

I immediately want to swim but I'm concerned about the scars on my legs. I think everyone can tell something is wrong. "Bike ride," I announce. I can see unspoken communication between Clint and Steve. I'm sure they already know what's wrong.

"Ok, let's go on a bike ride," Clint says.

"Do you have an extra bike for me?"

"Well, not an extra bike exactly…follow me, I'll show you."

I look at Steve and then Laura who is smiling. Clint's clearly excited but I'm not sure why showing me an old bike would be special. Laura and Steve follow close behind. Clint directs me to the garage where a brand-new purple bike is sitting in the middle of the garage with a big bow on it. I stop in my tracks, looking for clarification from Clint and Laura.

"What do you think?"

I'm afraid to guess that it's for me.

"Laura picked it out. Do you like it?"

"I love it! Is it really for me?"

"Yeah, we thought you should have your own bike since you like riding bikes," Clint comments. "Go ahead and get on so we can adjust it for you."

I climb on the bike, grinning from ear to ear. Clint slightly adjusts the handle bars then the seat. "How's that feel?"

"Good."

I get off the bike and hug Laura, "Thank you," then I hug Clint, "Thank you."

"Ready to go?"

"Yeah!" I'm super excited.

Clint puts a helmet on my head then knocks on the top of my head, "Safety first."

"I'm going to stay behind, enjoy your ride," Steve says.

Clint, Laura and I head out of the garage each on our own bikes. I follow Clint, not knowing where I'm going, and Laura remains behind me bringing up the rear. We ride along a trail through a field that leads into the woods. When we pierce through the trees the trail leads along a lake. Clint stops, "Want to take a little break here?"

"Ok," I respond then dismount draping the straps of my helmet over the handlebars. Clint retrieves a blanket from his backpack then lays it on the grass along the lake. I tentatively take a seat on the soft blanket next to Laura then Clint sits on the other side of me. "It's really beautiful here."

"Yeah, it's my favorite place on the property," Laura happily sighs.

Surprised, I ask, "Wait, all of this is yours?"

"Yes, we own one hundred acres of land," Clint responds. "There are two lakes, this one and there's one closer to our house with a small pier where we swim."

Several ducks that are floating on the water start flapping their wings and moving to the other side of the lake while a large white bird flies overhead. I point, "Look."

"That's a heron. He comes here a lot. There's another one too, but that one's blueish-gray."

"I don't think I've ever seen such a large bird. What's he doing?" I ask watching the bird circle then dive feet first into the water then back out again.

"He's fishing. Watch, he catches the fish then just swallows it whole," Clint explains.

The elegant bird catches a fish then flies away, its large wing span is impressive from this close. I watch it fly over us then keep going until I can no longer see him for all of the trees.

"So, this bird keeps coming back?"

"Every year we see him several times, he's giving you a show today though," Clint says smiling watching the bird fly back to the lake.

"Where do you think he lives?"

"I'm sure he has a nest somewhere around here." I look around trying to find the elusive nest but, of course, I don't see it.

"How do birds keep themselves safe out here?"

"Well, large birds have less to worry about. Coyotes, maybe bobcats, probably will eat them but it's their eggs and babies that are most vulnerable. They keep their nests up high so they are safer."

"…and the other animals don't want to mess with it, right?"

"True, but herons live most of their lives alone."

"It's worth it to be safe." I say, enthralled with this creature who doesn't really have to worry about being harmed. The other animals stay away from it.

On the way back, I keep an eye out for the Heron's nest. The bird's freedom and strength fascinate me. It's safe, hidden up high in its nest as well as being intimidating on the ground.

When we get back to the house and stow away our bikes, we all sit on the porch drinking lemonade. Clint, Laura and Steve are talking, but I'm still thinking about the heron. If it was scared, it didn't show any fear. It wasn't going to let anything else mess with it.

"Jamie, Jamie…"

"Huh?"

Clint is talking to me, "Jamie, are you ok?"

I nod, "Yeah, I'm fine. Why?"

"I said your name several times before you responded. Are you sure you're ok? You've been quiet since we left the lake," Clint explains.

"Yeah, I'm sure. I'm just tired, I didn't sleep well." N _o one can deny me that,_ I think to myself. "I want to lie down for a while, is that alright?"

"Yeah, I'll come with you," Steve says but Clint interjects, "Actually, I'd like to talk to you. Laura, do you mind sitting with Jamie for a bit. It won't take long."

I roll my eyes. _Yeah, I bet he wants to talk about me._

"Sure, come on Jamie. I'll show you how to close the blinds, they're tricky," Laura says then ushers me inside.

I go to my room without complaint about the mandatory supervision even to lie down because the nap is subterfuge, giving me time to be alone even if only under the covers.

* * *

Once Clint sees Jamie heading up the stairs he begins, "Jamie was mesmerized by a heron that we saw at the lake. She was asking a lot of questions about its safety. I don't know how that will translate into her behavior but I'm sure it will."

"I was wondering what happened. She didn't seem upset just quiet, a little off. What do you think we should do?" Steve asks.

"Maybe nothing right now, I guess just be on the lookout for any odd behavior. Knowing Jamie, she'll try to climb a tall tree and build a nest to sleep in," Clint quips. "I hate that she feels so scared, kids shouldn't feel in danger all of the time, really no one should, but a thirteen-year-old shouldn't worry about anything more serious than a math test or which shoes to wear."

"Yeah, it's really messing her up. I wish she would have woken me up last night instead of dealing with her dream on her own. Who knows how much time she had, she could have really hurt herself and we wouldn't have known about it until morning."

"Well, fortunately all she did was use a hanger. She very easily could have gotten a knife from the kitchen or scissors from the desk," Clint shudders, terrified of what might have happened. "Maybe some sort of alarm on the bedroom door is in order or at least one of us sleeping in front of the door, but then again that might interfere with snuggles."

"I like the idea of an alarm but I prefer that it doesn't make a sound, maybe one that makes my phone vibrate or something. I don't want to scare her again like in Florida. I'll talk to Bruce, maybe we can have it installed before tonight."

Clint and Steve sit quietly for a few minutes. "How's Laura doing with Jamie's behavior?" Steve asks.

"She's good; a little upset this morning, but still very much committed, maybe even more now. I'm glad you were here though to help this morning. I don't know if Laura is ready to restrain her if needed especially if she's kicking and hitting. Although, I was hoping we could go the week without needing it."

"Well, I don't mind sticking around. I want to make sure that she feels safe and that Laura gets a chance to get to know her better. I think this is good for Jamie too, being in a normal household." Steve pauses to think about what a normal household would be like. "Well, I'm going to call Bruce, you probably should check on Jamie and Laura."

Clint nods.

Clint heads upstairs to Jamie's room, quietly opening the door. Laura is snuggling Jamie on the bed, humming the same song that she hums when her other kids are hurting or upset. Clint smiles, loving his wife and her tenderness with their adopted daughter. Clint reflects on their lives just three months ago. Another kid wasn't in their plans nor was adoption but here they are. Clint walks into the room, Laura looks up briefly then returns to looking at Jamie, stroking her hair. Clint smiles seeing that Jamie is asleep snuggling her teddy bear.

"She's so precious. Seeing her scared and hurting this morning broke my heart. Is that what every day is like for her?" Laura asks concerned.

"Well to varying degrees, yes, most days, but we have no reason to believe that it will always be that way. She grew up with a loving father and mother. Awful things happened but she still had that early bond with her parents. She has some really great times, too. Are there parts that you're not sure you can do, maybe areas you want more practice with?"

"It will be hard to physically restrain her, especially if she's being aggressive. I know that she won't really want to hurt me, that she's just scared, but still it would be hard for me. It was hard to see that she hurt herself but I think I can manage."

"Ok, well, Steve offered to stay longer, so he can help with those situations and we can call him anytime. Dr. Strange could have him here in a few minutes."

"I think Steve should stay as long as Jamie needs him but I think this is just one of those times where you have to do it and accept that it won't be easy," Laura acknowledged.

"Ok, yeah I think you're right. Oh, by the way, Steve's calling Bruce to see if we can get an alarm on her door that will connect to our phones so she doesn't get scared if she trips the alarm but we will know that she's out of the bedroom. I don't think it's a good idea for her to have that much alone time."

* * *

"Jamie, Jamie," Laura softly coaxes me from sleep while gently shaking me. I open my eyes and look around. "Hi," Laura smiles at me, brushing some loose hair from my face. "It's time for dinner."

I groan, it feels like it's the middle of the night.

"Come on sweetheart, wake up."

I sit up yawning then stretch and rub my eyes. Laura smiles at me. "Thanks for snuggling me."

"It was my pleasure."

I obediently get out of bed and head into the bathroom leaving the door ajar an inch because that's the rule and I don't want to cause any more problems today. We walk downstairs together then go straight to the kitchen where Clint is finishing up cooking dinner.

We all eat together having pleasant conversation. After we are done eating Clint says, "Jamie, please wash the dishes?"

"Chores?" I ask smiling.

"Yup."

"Ok," I say, oddly happy about having to do a chore.

I gather up the dishes and take them to the sink. Laura comes with me to show me where to find needed items and to help unload the dishwasher since I don't know where anything goes. There weren't many dishes, he was probably planning this and already did some of them. Laura thanked me for helping then we joined Clint and Steve in the living room.

"How are you doing?" Steve asks me.

"Ok."

"Do you think you are ready for me to go back to the compound yet?"

I look at Laura then Clint to gauge their reactions, both smiles. I nod.

"Ok, I'll head back now, but if you need me I can come back. Dr. Strange offered to bring me with his sling ring too so I could be here pretty quick. Ok?"

I nod, feeling a little sad. When Steve stands, I go to him indicating I want him to pick me up. When he lifts me, I wrap my arms around his neck, tucking my face in. Steve rubs my back, planting a few kisses on my head. "You sure you're alright?"

I nod, then Steve puts me down. I return to my spot on the couch, Laura wrapping her arm around me knowing that this is hard for me. Clint walks with Steve to the jet, returning about five minutes later. Clint sits next to me, offering his lap for me to snuggle. I accept, laying my head against his chest, I cover my face with my hands. I am trying to keep myself under control. I manage to avoid crying but am feeling sad, my somber mood is noticeable. Clint doesn't make me talk about it though. I'm not sure if he can't do the talk circle with Laura or if he doesn't think it's necessary since he already knows what's wrong.

At nine thirty, Clint says, "Ok kiddo, it's time for bed."

I obey, heading upstairs with Laura close behind while I get ready for bed. When I come out of the bathroom, Clint has a cot set up along the side of the bed closest to the door. _I wonder if he wants to prevent me from leaving the bedroom at night._ I don't want to accept it as a challenge, at least not tonight. Clint snuggles with me for a while, Laura kissing me goodnight after reading me a story. I enjoy the normal routine of being tucked in for bed and a bedtime story. Laura turns the lights off when she leaves. Clint snuggles with me for a while longer until I fall asleep.


	65. Chapter 65

Chapter 65

I wake up the next morning to Laura's soothing and cheerful voice. "Wake up sleepy head."

Still feeling tired, I groan, having had a few bad dreams, nothing major though.

"Come on, it's time for your shower."

My body tenses, some fear setting in, Laura notices. She sits down on the edge of my bed, "I'm going to stay in the bedroom. We just need the door open about an inch."

I don't feel any better about being naked without the door locked.

"Would you like Clint here too?"

I shake my head then reluctantly get out of bed and gather up my clothing to take to the bathroom with me. I close the door most of the way, get in the tub and close the curtain to get undressed. Once I've removed all of my clothing, I start the shower. I wash my hair and body quickly, turn off the water, and dry off. To feel safer, I remain standing in the tub with the curtain close and keep the towel wrapped around me while I get dressed. Before leaving the bathroom, I brush my teeth and comb through my hair.

"All done?"

I nod.

"Let's go down for breakfast, Clint is waiting for you."

I nod then walk out of my room with Laura following behind me.

"Good morning, kiddo!" Clint says with a smile when I enter the kitchen then abandons his work at the counter, wiping his hands on the kitchen towel before giving me a hug. "How are you, baby girl?"

I nod while still in Clint's embrace. With the look on his face, he definitely realizes that I'm not talking.

"Ready for breakfast?"

I nod.

"Great, it's almost ready, want to help me finish up?"

I nod.

"Will you put the butter and syrup on the table?"

I collect the items and place them on the table then notice the table isn't set yet either so I get three plates out of the cabinet and silverware from the drawer and make three place settings.

"Great thanks. We also need cups for juice."

I open the cup cabinet and pull out three cups and get the juice out of the fridge.

"Great, thanks, kiddo. That's everything. Ready to eat?"

I nod then take my seat.

Clint puts pancakes on his plate then hands the utensil to me to pick my pancakes. I select the top two then hand it back to Clint who passes it to Laura. I grab the pitcher of juice and pour myself a glass taking a big swig of juice before replacing my cup on the table. Once Laura finishes with the syrup, I take it and pour some over my pancakes. With my knife and fork, I cut my pancake into several smaller pieces then take my first bite. It's delicious. Who knew Clint was also a good cook.

Clint watches my face, "Taste good?"

I nod then take another bite.

"Any ideas of what you want to do today?"

I shrug my shoulders.

"Well, I have some stuff I need to get done in the barn, want to help me?"

I nod.

After breakfast, I clean up the dishes then follow Clint to the barn. "Thanks for taking care of the dishes," Clint says then wraps his arm around my shoulder in a side hug. I smile. "We need to move the hay bales to the loft so we can bring in more next month. The conveyer belt carries them up to the loft where they are stacked. I'll go up to the loft, if you can load the belt. Sound good?"

I nod. Clint gives me a pair of work gloves and a pair of weird looking hooks. Clint chuckles at my reaction and my subsequent attempts at how one should hold the hooks before showing me how to use them. Clint turns the belt on then loads the first bale. Then, he watches as I try a few times. Once I feel confident, Clint goes up the ladder and starts stacking. We work for a long time so Laura brings lemonade out to the barn for us. I drink a full glass then lie back looking up at the loft.

"You're a good worker. We made really good time, we're actually almost finished. It usually takes me all day," Clint says, watching me. "You're still not talking, is everything ok?"

I nod.

"Jamie," Clint says, pausing until I look at him, "…what's wrong?"

I shake my head. I don't want to talk about anything.

"I think we should take a break and do some shooting. What do you think?"

I nod.

We head inside to gather up our gear then make our way out to the shooting range. My arms feel a bit like jelly after working in the barn, which is reflected in my accuracy. After several shots though I find the center of the target.

Laura comes outside, "Jamie, Steve's on the phone."

I pick up my gear and head inside to the phone.

"Hello."

"Hi kiddo," Steve says. "How's it going?"

"Ok."

"Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah."

"Are you having a good time with Clint and Laura?"

"Yeah."

"Is something wrong?"

"No."

"You're not talking much, how come?"

I don't respond.

"Jamie, are you sure you're alright?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want me to come visit for a while?"

"No."

"Ok, well, I'll talk to you later then. Is Clint there?"

I hand the phone to Clint then head back outside. With Clint busy, I decide to go to the barn and hide in the loft. Only a few minutes go by, but I already hear Clint and Laura calling my name. I decide to ignore them, opting to take a nap instead, feeling safer up high among the hay bales.

* * *

"Hey Steve," Clint says once Jamie hands him the phone.

"How's she doing, she didn't talk much?"

"Well, she seems ok but those were the first words she said all day. She slept ok last night. Only a few mild bad dreams. She went back to sleep quickly each time. She ate breakfast. Hang on a sec…" Clint says. "Hey Laura, will you check on Jamie?"

Laura nods.

"Ok, I'm back. We started to do some shooting but she didn't say anything. Something is bothering her but I'm not sure what."

Laura hurries back to Clint. "I can't find her!" Laura screeches in a panic.

"Steve, Jamie ran off. We may need help."

"Ok, we'll be there shortly," Steve assures then hangs up.

Clint and Laura resume their search. Laura checks throughout the house and Clint begins looking outside. A few minutes after their phone call ended, Dr. strange brings Steve, Tony, Bruce and Nat through the sling ring portal.

All seven of them set off in search of Jamie. They explore the woods in all directions of the house. Laura stays at the house, continuing her search there, being available in case Jamie returns. Clint gets on coms, "Let's double back, I would be surprised if she went much further." Everyone meets up back at the house.

Steve walks toward the barn. "We checked there first," Clint comments meeting Steve at the barn door.

Steve motions toward the loft, "Bird's nest, did you check up there?"

Clint thinks for a second, understanding dawning on him, then both men quickly make the trek to the top of the ladder. Tucked away among the bales of hay, invisible to the ground, Jamie is sound asleep, curled up in a ball. Clint moves closer and says her name, waking her up.

* * *

"Jamie." Clint says my name loud enough to wake me up. I open my eyes, seeing both Clint and Steve crouching next to me.

"We found her, she's in the barn. We're bringing her out," Steve announces over coms.

"I want to stay here. Wait, why are you here and who were you talking to?" I ask alarmed.

"Everyone's here," Clint responds. "We couldn't find you, they came to help look."

"I didn't go far and we've been in the barn all morning."

"Come on down, let's talk about it inside."

"Why can't I stay here?"

"Inside, now!" Clint says with a firm tone pointing to the ladder.

I start to cry, knowing I'm in trouble and upset that I can't stay in the loft. I walk in between Steve and Clint, head downcast, the stares of everyone burning into me as I walk by them.

Clint asks, his voice still sounding curt, "Dr. Strange, do you mind sitting with Jamie in the living room for a few minutes?"

"Of course," Strange responds then leads Jamie inside the house while the others talk outside.

* * *

"So, she was just in the barn?" Tony asks incredulously.

"Yeah…well in the loft. We had to actually go up there to see her. She was sleeping so I assume she didn't hear us calling her," Clint explains trying to calm himself down, the stress of Jamie's disappearing act wearing on him.

Steve adds, "We figured something would happened based on what happened yesterday on the bike ride."

"What happened?" Bruce asks confused.

"She saw a heron at the lake on our property. She asked a lot of questions about how it stays safe. We mentioned they have nests high up in trees. We think the loft filled with hay feels like a bird's nest." Clint describes the previous day's event.

"What was she trying to be safe from?" Tony asks.

"I don't know, but she was quiet all morning," Clint remarks.

"Let's go talk to her," Steve says to the team. As everyone starts to walk inside Steve pulls Clint and Laura aside, "Clint you were sounding a little frustrated up there, do you want her to come back to the compound?"

Clint and Laura look at each other briefly. "No, we want her to stay here," Clint responds for both. "I was angry but I do know that she's just trying to feel safe."

Laura adds, "I definitely want her to stay. I knew this would be challenging but she needs this, we all need this time to bond and to figure things out. It's really nice, though, that you all are available to help."

* * *

I am still crying when Steve, Clint and Laura come inside. Everyone else was already inside; the fact that Steve had to talk extra to Clint and Laura makes me nervous. _I bet they want me to leave._ Steve, Clint and Laura take up seats around me and the others file in taking open spots also very close to me. I'm grateful Dr. Strange decides to wait on the other side of the room out of my line of sight. I keep my head down, feeling ashamed.

Steve starts, "Can you tell us what happened?"

"I just went back to the barn, explored the loft. I don't know why this is a big deal."

Clint starts, "No one knew where you were and you didn't respond when we called you're name."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make everyone worry."

"You know that you have to have someone with you at all times, so going to the barn alone is breaking the rule," Steve chides.

"That's a stupid rule!" I spit then cross my arms.

Steve sighs, "We're not going to debate the rule. You must be with someone at all times, period. I would like to know why you wanted to go to the loft."

"I don't know, I just did."

"What did it feel like to be in the loft, alone?"

"Safe, I guess."

"Were you feeling scared this morning?"

"I always feel scared, it doesn't really go away. Just sometimes I feel very scared."

"Was this morning a regular scared or a very scared?"

"Just a regular scared. I don't want to talk anymore. I'm sorry I went to the loft. I won't do it again."

"Sorry kiddo, we're not done talking," Steve objects, refusing to end the talk circle.

I sigh, looking at my hands, trying to keep my emotions in check.

"Were you very scared at all today?" Clint asks.

I start to tear up again. I don't want to talk about this with everyone around. I peek up, seeing so many people around, knowing that Dr. Strange is right around the corner and Laura is listening, I'm embarrassed to talk about private stuff.

Bruce interjects, "Would you prefer to talk to just one of us again?"

I nod.

"Who would you like to talk to?"

"Clint"

Clint asks, "Outside?"

I nod.

Everyone moves back so I can get up to follow Clint outside to where we talk at the range.

"I'm sorry that I left."

"I understand that you wanted to feel safe. What has been bothering you?"

"I was scared this morning in the shower. Laura said that she would stay in the bedroom but I still felt like I was in danger." I curl my legs up against my chest. "Lying in bed on my back, changing clothes, being undressed in the shower, I hate them all," I growl, beginning to shake. "I think about what the boy did and when Cross took me. I feel like I can be hurt at any time. I know that Laura won't hurt me, but being in the shower, I can't protect myself, I'm exposed, I'm..." I shudder and start to all out cry, upset from all of those feelings, exhausted from being scared all of the time.

"Can I hold you?"

I nod.

Clint lifts me up just enough to reposition me on his lap. He holds my head against his chest. "I'm so sorry, baby girl. I bet that heron who doesn't seem to be afraid of anything sounds pretty good."

I nod.

"Did it feel like you were snuggled in a bird's nest up there in the loft?"

I nod, my sobs continue to rake through my body.

"You are safe with us. No one will hurt you anymore. We keep a very close eye on you so nothing happens. Do you have any ideas of how we can help you to feel safer?"

"I want to be able to lock the bathroom door."

"Well, I can talk to the team about that, maybe get some input from Jen, ok?"

I nod. "Clint, do you and Laura want me to leave now?"

"No baby, we don't."

I start to cry again.

"What's wrong?"

"You were so mad, I thought you were telling Steve you wanted me to leave."

Clint hugs me tighter. "Sometimes parents get frustrated or even mad, but we still love you and we still want you. You are my daughter now, that won't change."

"Ok." Clint continues to hug me until I feel ready to go back inside.

"Do you mind hanging out with Dr. Strange again so the team can talk about the door issue?"

"That's fine."

We head inside. Clint arranges with Dr. Strange to watch me while the others meet again.


	66. Chapter 66

Chapter 66

"Dr. Strange?" I ask sheepishly.

"Yes?"

"Do you think I'm bad?" I ask but feel too ashamed to look at him.

"Come here," Dr. Strange encourages then opens his arms for me to come sit on his lap. I hesitate but comply. "You are not bad. Today, you were trying to make yourself feel safe. That's not bad."

"I know but there's a lot of that kind of stuff, almost every day. And, it's all my f…" I shake my head, unwilling to finish my sentence.

"What?"

"Forget it."

"Were you going to say that it's your fault?"

I nod.

"What's your fault?"

"Everything."

"You know that the abuse and your family's death isn't your fault, right?"

I don't respond.

"Honey, both of those things were done to you. There's nothing at all that you could have done differently to prevent it. Your mother and father made the best decisions they could with the information they had. And sometimes crazy things happen, like when Cross went to the park that day.

"No one is completely safe all of the time, but we keep living, trying to enjoy life, minimizing the risks but accepting that there still is risk. Kids are supposed to feel completely safe, cared for by their parents, until they are able to handle this truth. You had stuff happen that was out of their control and you got hurt, they died. You are too young to know that the world isn't completely safe, so you have to learn to feel ok in a less than safe world when you aren't equipped to handle it yet."

"I'm trying but it's not working. I'm just making people frustrated and upset."

"The things that you are trying are making you less safe."

"How is being in the loft of the barn dangerous?" I ask sincerely.

"No one knew where you were. When they can't find you, you are often hurting yourself."

"I wish they would just let me," I argue, angry with myself, looking away.

"Would you really want them to let you hurt yourself?" Dr. Strange challenges. "They could only do that if they didn't love you, didn't want you. You know they love you because they are willing to do whatever it takes to keep you safe and they do it patiently, understanding that you are struggling right now."

I look down at my hands, seeing the bruise on my arm. I lightly rub my hand over the bruise thinking about how lonely I felt.

"Tell me about that," Dr. Strange says motioning to my arm.

"I was scared…I woke up from a nightmare I…I was on my back…I wanted to…," my words come out all jumbled, highlighting how mixed up I feel.

"What is it?"

I sigh before continuing, "I didn't want to wake up Steve. I didn't want him to stop me. I don't know why I did that," I say looking down, a few tears falling. "Downstairs felt lonely and dangerous. When I saw the pantry, I wanted the yardstick, but it wasn't there. But I already decided that I wanted to do this," I say slightly lifting my arm. "I didn't want Steve to make me feel better, I wanted to hurt. There's something about hurting myself that feels right."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. I feel like I need to be punished. I'm trying to make things right, I'm trying…but they will never be right again!" I growl, spitting the final part, as I begin to shake, feeling angry and panicked. Dr. Strange wraps his arms around me tightly, restraining me from whatever I might do next. "Stop!" I scream, wrenching my body to get free.

The others come in at that moment, _I'm sure they've been listening from the porch_. I growl, angry that they were listening, angry that they are here, angry that I'm being restrained, angry that I can't just be alone, that I can't just hurt myself. Steve and Clint help restrain me, keeping my legs from kicking and holding my wrists so I can't get free. I cry, hard. "Please, stop." I tuck my face in near Dr. Strange's chest, wanting to hide. Since I've stopped fighting against the restraint they slowly begin to back off. As soon as I can, I curl up in a ball still sitting on Dr. Strange's lap.

Steve holds his arms out, "Can I hold you?"

I nod so Steve picks me up, lifting me up so my head is resting on his shoulder. I still feel vulnerable so I tuck my arms in along my stomach. Steve rubs my back and strokes my hair, helping me to calm down.

"Want to talk about it?" Steve asks.

I vehemently shake my head.

"Ok, you don't have to," Steve says, mollifying me. "Let's talk about the bathroom door, ok?"

I nod.

"Clint says you want to be able to lock the door."

I nod.

"Having the door locked means it's harder for us to intervene if you're struggling but I understand why that's important to you. So, we talked about changing the locks so we have a way to unlock it from the outside. How do you feel about that?"

"Ok."

"You will have to try extra hard not to take advantage of that time alone to hurt yourself and someone will still be waiting for you in the bedroom and will check on you frequently. We may ask to see your legs too, just to make sure you're alright. Ok?"

I nod, then wrap my arms around Steve's neck. "Thank you."

I can tell that Steve feels nervous about allowing this but maybe knowing that I hurt myself because of being scared about the bathroom makes it a moot point. Steve puts me down, I move to sit next to Clint.

"We should head back now. Ready?" Steve asks while looking around at the group.

Everyone nods.

I quickly go to Tony first for a hug. Tony hugs back, kissing my head, then I hug Bruce and Nat, both sharing similar sentiment. Dr. Strange walks to me, kneels, and says, "You're a good kid. I'm sorry things are hard right now, but they will get better."

I nod, "Thanks for talking to me."

Dr. Strange pulls me into a hug. "Anytime."

They leave as fast as they came, the room now feels large, quiet and empty.

I give Laura a hug, "I'm sorry I caused so many problems today."

Laura pulls away to look at me, "You haven't caused problems. I understand what happened and I know you are hurting. Ok? Not problems."

Laura holds me close again. "Well, it's long past lunch, hungry?"

I sigh, then look at Clint who gives me a 'yes, you are hungry' look.

I reluctantly nod then follow Laura to the kitchen.

Clint asks, "Bruce gave me some pills for your stomach, want one?"

I nod then accept the pill to appease Clint but I don't want to eat. I sit at the table, head laying on my arm, while I wait for lunch. They are making grilled cheese and tomato soup.

Laura brings over a plate with a sandwich and a bowl of soup for each of us. I sit up then look at Clint who gives me the same look as earlier. I sigh then begin to eat my sandwich. I don't want to upset him again today.

"Do you guys miss Lila, Cooper and Nathaniel?"

Laura replies, "Of course, we do. Anytime we are away from them we miss them. We feel the same about you. When we are away from you we wonder how you're doing, wishing we were with you too."

"We know they are all having fun. Lila and Cooper both picked a camp to go to this summer. Lila went to horse camp and Cooper went to soccer camp. Would you like to go to camp some day?" Clint asks.

"I don't know, maybe," I say but something about the idea of going to camp is bothering me. "Aren't you afraid something will happen to them? You aren't there to protect them."

Clint and Laura look at each other, then Clint responds, "Well, we know that the staff at the camp go through background checks and they have rules in place so kids are never without at least one adult and they are never alone with an adult. We don't know for sure, I guess, that nothing will happen but the benefit of going outweighs the possible risks. That's how the world works. There are risks to everything but you also need to think about the possible benefits and what precautions have been taken. I wouldn't let them sleep over at a friend's house unless I knew the family well." I listen with a tear in my eye, trying to grasp the concepts of acceptable risk and precautions.

I want to stop the conversation now so I lean forward and take another bite of food, looking away from them. Clint allows me to take the out.

"What would you like to do later? We could go swimming, another bike ride, shooting, playing board games, playing catch or practice batting, snuggling, whatever you want."

"No swimming," I say flatly, not making eye contact.

"Why not?" Clint asks then pauses for a few seconds. I don't respond to Clint who digs deeper. "Are you worried about us seeing your legs?"

I feel a tear prick my eye, I nod.

Clint responds, "Well, we both already know about it and I was there when it happened. You can wear the cover up or a towel and keep it near the pier. Sound good?"

"I don't want to today."

"Ok, maybe tomorrow. What would you like to do?"

"Can we just snuggle for a while then maybe play catch?"

"Sure."

Clint and Laura sit on opposite ends of the couch, I prop my head against Clint's leg and Laura takes my feet onto her lap. Clint rubs my forehead, along my eye brows. It doesn't take long for me to be lulled into a midafternoon nap.

I wake some time later, feeling more like myself. "How are you doing, kiddo?"

"Better."

Clint and Laura smile, "Ready to go outside to play?"

"Yeah!"

Clint gathers up the stuff we need to play catch including a bat just in case we decide to do some batting practice. I'm having so much fun. Clint tries to make some of the throws harder to catch but I don't miss. We play until Laura calls us for dinner.

Clint and I head back inside, side by side, talking about some of the plays that we made. We both sit down at the table then are promptly shooed away to wash our hands. We comply returning to the table still talking about our time outside. Laura watches, smiling. We have fun animated discussion about baseball and shooting throughout dinner. When we finish eating, Clint says, "Jamie, please wash the dishes tonight."

I pause for a moment, snuffing out a percolating rebellious streak then get up to start my chore. Again, there really aren't many dishes to do. I wonder if they always stay on top of the dishes or if they did some of them for my benefit. Either way, I'm happy to do something normal.

When the kitchen is clean, we decide to play a card game. We enjoy the game and have fun laughing with each other. It's really nice to just relax. I decide to try to call them Mom and Dad for a while. Laura asks, "Anyone want some ice cream?"

"I do."

Clint also asks for a bowl. When she brings me my ice cream, I test it out, "Thanks, Mom," trying hard to not look up, like I've always been saying it. I sense the surprise from both of them, but they go with it. When Laura comes back with Clint's bowl, I sneak a peek at them. Both are smiling, and I think Laura has a tear in her eye. I like that I made her happy.

We play for a little while longer until nine thirty when Laura says, "Time for bed."

I take our bowls to the kitchen then head upstairs to my bedroom with Laura following behind me. I take my clothes into the bathroom and shut the door. It doesn't have a lock yet but even having the door closed is helpful. I change and brush my teeth. Laura asks how I'm doing twice. Both times I respond with "I'm fine." I come out of the bathroom and get into bed.

Laura sits down on the bed next to me, rubbing the side of my face. "I love you so much."

"I love you too. Thanks for being patient with me."

Laura gives me a kiss. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Mom," I murmur then close my eyes.

Clint enters the room having heard me call Laura 'Mom.' He sits on my bed to tuck me in as well. "I really had a lot of fun with you today."

"I had fun too."

"Want me to lie next to you for a while?"

I nod then move over.

"Don't forget Mr. G.," Clint says while handing me my teddy bear.

"Thanks," I smile feeling cared for.

Clint gets comfortable, lying on top of the covers. I lie against his chest, my teddy bear resting in the crook of my arm. I close my eyes, feeling sleep coming fast. "I love you, Dad."

Clint squeezes me and kisses the top of my head, "I love you too baby girl."


	67. Chapter 67

Chapter 67

I wake up as soon as I hear Clint and Laura talk, a recap of the night: slept well, no bad dreams. I open my eyes and stir. Both look at me, "Good morning kiddo."

"Good morning."

"It's time for your shower," Laura says, "We'll do it like yesterday, you can close the door and I'll wait in here, ok?"

I nod then begin to gather up what I will need in the bathroom. I take longer in the shower than usual, enjoying how the warm water feels running down my skin. I hear Laura knock which causes me to flinch, but I respond, then she gives me more time. I dry off, get dressed and brush my teeth. Laura and Clint look worried when I open the door. "What's wrong?"

"You were in there a long time. Can I check your legs?" Clint asks.

I blink a few times, surprised by their reaction, "I said I was fine. I just showered, I promise."

"Can I check your legs?" Clint asks again, firm yet compassionate.

I start to cry.

"Jamie, I just want to make sure. This is scary for us," Clint requests with a gentler tone.

I understand scary so I agree but am overcome with embarrassment and fear.

Clint lifts up both pantlegs of my Bermuda shorts one at a time, quickly checking, seeing that I am ok then checks on me, seeing that I'm still crying, "Thank you for letting me check." Clint pulls me into a hug. I cry harder, but I don't understand why. Clint rubs my back, strokes my hair, and periodically kisses the side of my face. When I start to calm down, Clint asks, "What took so long?"

"I've been showering as fast as I can for a long time because I was too scared to stay in longer. I just slowed down to enjoy it," I complain, tears welling up along my eyes again.

"Ok baby girl, I believe you. I'm sorry, I was just worried that something might have happened."

I put my dirty clothes in the hamper, make my bed, then sit down on the bench seat that lines the bottom of the large bay window curled up with my knees against my chest, laying my head on my knees so I can look outside. Clint sits on my bed and Laura sits across from me on the bench. "I don't need to talk or anything, I just need some time. I'll be ok," I say trying to dismiss them from my room. I feel humiliated and exposed, maybe violated. Fortunately, it's just with them but now Laura has seen my legs too. _Of course, they don't leave._

"Do you understand why I wanted to check?"

"Yes."

"Ok. What's bothering you about it?"

"I was having a good morning but I still can't be ok. That was…" I shake my head not wanting to feel or say what I'm feeling, "…and now Laura saw," I complain, fresh tears falling.

"I didn't see your legs," Laura reassures. "That's why Clint was the one to look, I turned away because I knew you wouldn't want me to see."

I do feel a little better now but I'm still upset and frustrated. "I was doing good, but it feels like that was taken away from me, like I'm not allowed to be ok."

"Ok, I see. I'm sorry this happened, but I can't promise that I won't ask to check you again. I need to make sure that you're alright," Clint explains.

"But, I told you I was ok. I said 'I promise,'" I whine.

"You've told me that you were ok before when you really weren't. But, your voice did sound like you were ok. Be patient with us while we start to trust you again. That's really what's going on. When you come to us to talk when you're upset, we will start to see that you won't hurt yourself and we'll have a better idea of when you are and aren't ok." Clint says then stands near where I'm sitting, crouching down to be closer to my level. "Ok?"

I nod then reach my arms out to be picked up. Clint complies, both of us enjoying the relief that comes from a forgiving hug. "Ready for breakfast?"

I nod.

We all head downstairs to eat breakfast. Clint and I eat Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Laura eats oatmeal with fruit. The meal is quiet but I'm not upset anymore. The silence is interrupted with the sound of the phone ringing. Clint gets up to answer it while Laura and I finish eating. When I'm done, I take my bowl to the sink along with Clint's. Laura is still eating. I load the dishwasher with the couple of dishes that are there. About five minutes later, Clint comes back into the kitchen.

"Steve's on the phone, he wants to say 'hi.'"

I dry my hands then abandon the dish towel on the counter. The phone feels heavy, I'm afraid of what Steve might say about this morning. "Hello?" I manage to squeak out.

"Good morning, kiddo. I was thinking about you, wondering how you're doing today."

"Oh, well, I slept good, and we just finished breakfast. So, I'm fine."

"What about in between sleeping and breakfast?"

"Clint already talked to you," I say, irritated, when I realize what's happening.

"Well, yes. He told me there was an issue with showering. Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I really don't want to talk about it anymore. I already did that with Clint. I just want to move on."

"Ok. I'm glad that you already talked to Clint about it."

I sigh, "Do you already know what happened?"

"Yes."

"Will I have to do that at the compound too?"

"Any time that we think you may have hurt yourself, yes, we would ask you to show us your legs or arms. Today was especially scary for Clint because this is the first time we let you close the door. Ok? He didn't mean to upset you. He's just being protective."

"Ok."

"What did you do yesterday afternoon?"

"We snuggled for a while then played catch outside. After dinner we played a card game."

"Did you have fun?"

"Yeah, I did. When we were playing catch, Clint threw a real hard one, I had to jump, sort of to the side to catch it. I landed on the ground but I still had the ball. It was amazing."

Steve chuckles, "Whoa, it sounds like you're really pretty good at softball. What do you have planned for today?"

"I don't know yet."

"Ok, well, go start your day. I will call again later to check on you, ok?"

"Ok. Love you."

It sounds like Steve is happy, "Love you too kiddo."

I return to the kitchen where Clint and Laura are having some quiet conversation that ends when I enter. _I guess they're talking about me._ Clint asks, "What would you like to do today?"

"Um, maybe more shooting or playing catch, maybe a bike ride. I want to help Laura make dinner," I say too embarrassed to look at Laura.

Laura responds, "That sounds wonderful. Anything in particular that you would like to make?"

"No, just whatever."

"How about we start with a bike ride. We can do the dirt road today. Sound good?"

I nod.

I notice that my bike has a water bottle, so I clean it out and fill it up with cold water. Then, we all put our helmets on and start our ride. The dirt road is mostly flat and takes us past several interesting spots. First, we come to a smaller lake with several geese and ducks swimming, uninterrupted by our presence. Next, I see an old one-room school house. Not too much further down the road, we come to an old, white building with a steeple. "Was that a church?"

"Yeah, a very long time ago. This area hasn't been a community in nearly a hundred years. It's just us living up here now."

"Do you go to church?" I ask both Laura and Clint.

"No…well on occasion," Clint explains.

"Why not?"

"I don't know. I believe there is a god and I believe he is good. I guess I don't feel like I have to go to church in order to believe in god."

I nod then look back at the church.

Laura asks, "Did you go to church?"

"Yes. My mom always took us. I don't remember my dad going very often though."

I start to ride away, wanting to end this conversation before I get upset.

The dirt road loops back to the house. When I pull up to the garage, I jump off my bike, grab my water bottle, and sit down on a shady patch of grass facing the shooting range. The water bottle provides some help with cooling me off, then I lie back in the shade. Clint joins me while Laura goes inside to get more drinks.

"It's really hot today," I comment.

"Yeah, it's a great day for swimming."

I sit up bringing my legs up to my chest.

"Jamie, Laura won't freak out about the scars and you can keep yourself covered right up until you get in the water. Also, Laura knows that it bothers you so she won't look."

I sigh, "Alright."

Clint smiles, "Adda girl."

Laura brings out three glasses of lemonade. We all take a drink. "Jamie decided that we should go swimming next."

"Really? Wonderful. You're going to have so much fun at the lake," Laura chirps, excited to go swimming and that I was ok with going.

Laura packs some sandwiches and drinks to take with us but is extra careful not to call it a picnic. Laura comes with me to change into my bathing suit and puts sunscreen on my back. I finish by putting sunscreen on my face, neck and arms. "Did you put sunscreen on your legs?"

I look down, as if checking, "No."

"Please do, I don't want you to get burnt."

I sigh, but really, I enjoy being 'mom-ed.' When I'm done Laura has me go downstairs with Clint while she gets ready. Clint is waiting in his trunks and t-shirt. "How's it going kiddo?"

"I'm ok," I say feeling nervous and ashamed, adjusting my sundress to make sure that my scars are covered. Clint notices but doesn't say anything.

"Alright, sorry to keep you waiting. I'm ready now," Laura says as she clears the final step.

We climb in an extra-large golf cart. I didn't realize he had one even though it was in the garage the whole time. I am weirdly giddy about riding in it. It doesn't take long for us to arrive at the lake. We unload a cooler and our towels then get ready to jump into the lake.

"How deep is the lake?"

"About three and a half feet," Clint responds.

Laura and Clint get in the water first. They purposely look away while I get in. The water feels amazing. I swim over to Clint and climb on his back just like I had done with Steve. Clint bucks around the lake to give me a ride, I laugh the entire time. It's not as much fun with only Clint here but we do lots of the same things as we did on vacation. Clint throws me in the water and we play with a beachball that Laura brought. When we were hungry, we get out of the lake and sit on a large blanket. I, of course, put my sundress back on to keep myself covered.

"Thanks for having me visit this week. I'm love getting to spend time with you and it's nice not to worry about upsetting Lila and Cooper," I reflect on our time so far.

"We are so happy that you're here too," Laura agrees. "Oh, I picked up a few books that you might like from the library. I like to read when I come here," Laura explains while digging in her bag for the books then hands me three to choose from. I pick one and open it to start reading, then move to lie on my stomach.

I read the first chapter then look over at Clint who, I notice, was watching me. "Good book?"

"So far it's good. It's called 'Gifted,' the first book in a series."

"If you like it I will pick up the others for you," Laura offers.

"Ok, thanks."

"Do you want to swim more or head back now?" Clint asks.

I respond, "I don't know, what do you guys want to do?"

"Let's head back. It's two o'clock so we could get changed, snuggle for a bit then you and Laura can make dinner together. Sound good?"

I nod.

We pack up our stuff, board the golf cart, then Clint drives us back to the house. "Would you like to learn how to drive the golf cart?"

"Yeah!"

"I'll show you later, sound good?"

I nod enthusiastically.

Laura stays with me while I change into shorts and a t-shirt then comb through my hair. While she finishes, Laura sends me downstairs to sit with Clint who is waiting for me on the couch in the snuggle position with a pillow already set up. I smile then take my place on the couch. I brought the book with me in case I wanted to do some reading. Clint rubs my forehead and traces my eye brows putting me to sleep.

I wake up to a loud crash sound, like glass breaking. I dart up covering my ears; my body is shaking from being startled. Clint checks on Laura briefly then returns to my side kneeling in front of me so I can see him; I can see Clint's mouth moving but I don't hear anything. Clint slowly puts his hands on my shoulders causing me to flinch even though I know it's just Clint. Laura kneels next to Clint putting her hand on my knee, I flinch again. Initially, Laura removes her hand but seeing Clint keeping his hands on me, she replaces her hand slowly. "It's ok, I dropped a plate in the kitchen. Nothing's wrong, honey. You're safe," Laura tries to console me.

I nod but it takes a while for my body to settle down. "Can I hold you?" Clint asks.

I nod, flinching slightly when Clint picks me up then settles me on his lap. I lean in against his chest keeping my hands over my ears. Clint cradles my head in his hand, kissing my head, occasionally. I feel my body relaxing in Clint's arms.

"How are you doing?" Clint asks.

I nod, not able to talk yet.

"Ok, we're getting there."

Clint holds me for another ten minutes or so and checks in again. "Calming down?"

"Yeah."

Clint gives me a squeeze and another kiss on the top of my head. "I'm sorry baby girl."

"It's ok. I know it was an accident. I just couldn't convince my body of that."

"Maybe we can look into some relaxation techniques to help you train your body to relax," Laura suggests. "Maybe Jen can help with that."

I sigh.

Laura looks at Clint then at me, "What is it?"

"I don't like when she comes. She's nice and all but I don't want to deal with another person like her."

Laura nods, understanding how I must feel after Mrs. Cartwright. "Well, maybe we can teach ourselves. I'll look into it ok?"

I nod.


	68. Chapter 68

Chapter 68

"I'm getting ready to start making dinner, do you still want to help?"

I nod.

"What are we making?"

"How does lasagna sound?"

I smile, "Great."

Laura gives instructions to fill a pot with water and put it on the stove while she browns hamburger. It doesn't take long for the noodles to cook so I start on getting the pan ready. Laura gives instructions for each layer, letting me add the ingredients. When it's all put together, Laura puts it in the oven. I return to the living room to snuggle more with Clint. "All done?"

"Yup. We made lasagna."

"Ooh, I can't wait to eat it," Clint says giving me a squeeze. "Did you like spending time with Laura?"

I nod. "I like when she 'moms' me."

Clint smiles looking up at Laura who overheard. "Well, I like 'mom-ing' you," Laura says then picks up my legs so she can scoot under to sit on the couch.

We sit together, snuggling, for about a half hour while dinner cooks. Laura gets up to finish the meal while I continue to snuggle with Clint. "What day is it?" I ask.

Clint responds cautiously, "Tuesday, August 2. Why?"

"I was just wondering," I say but then ask more questions. "Do you know what's happening with school? Am I going to eighth grade or do I have to repeat seventh grade since I didn't finish?"

"Steve is looking into what grade you officially are. We are planning on homeschooling you so some of your schooling we will do, some you will do online."

"When does it start?"

"With homeschool, we have a flexible start date, probably right after Labor Day."

"Ok. My old school always started the third Monday in August."

"Lila and Cooper will start the day after Labor Day."

"Will we go back to doing desensitization trials?"

"Yes, when you get back to the compound."

I sigh, "I don't like doing them."

"I know baby girl, but that's one of those things that you just have to do to get better."

I sigh, "I miss my old life."

"I know you do," Clint soothes then gives me a squeeze.

"Dinner," Laura calls from the kitchen.

"Come on, let's go eat some of your lasagna."

I comply, getting up and following Clint to the kitchen table.

"Mom, will I meet your parents some day?"

"Definitely."

"Do they know about me?"

"They know that we adopted a thirteen-year-old girl who comes for visits," Laura explains carefully gauging my reaction. "They know that your family died but they don't know how and they don't know any of the other stuff. They were very excited to hear that you were coming this whole week to get to know us better."

"Ok."

"Are you alright?" Clint asks.

I nod, then take a bite of food, hoping to end the conversation. It works, everyone returns to eating. When we finish eating, Laura says, "Jamie, I would like you to do the dishes, please."

I get up from the table and start to do the dishes. Laura packs up the left overs in Tupperware and puts it in the fridge. I finish loading the dishwasher then start it while Laura wipes off the table.

When Laura releases me, I go to the living room where Clint is waiting for me. "Come here, kiddo," Clint says then pats the seat next to him. When I sit, Clint wraps his arm around me and kisses the side of my face. "We both love you very much. We are honored to get to be your mom and dad. I know that we will never replace your family, but I'm happy that you get to be part of ours."

I nod, feeling loved and missing my family.

"Would you like to do some shooting?"

I nod then head upstairs to retrieve my bow and quiver from my bedroom closet while Clint gathers up his stuff. We head over to the shooting range and being shooting. I line up the first arrow, miss. I line up the second and miss again. "Why do I have trouble shooting sometimes?"

"You need to learn to clear your mind to shoot well. Even the slightest waiver while shooting may leave the arrow missing it's mark. When you have a lot on your mind, when you're upset, you're not as steady."

"How do you clear your mind?"

"Well, it comes with practice. There are different techniques to try. One way is to talk about what's on your mind."

"I'm not sure talking will help."

"Why not?"

"I miss my family. Talking about them makes me miss them more."

"Well, instead of talking about them, focus on some new stuff that's happening that you like. Maybe the fun we had swimming, going to Disney, snuggling, whatever comes to your mind that you like about now."

I close my eyes and think about the times that I've been happy lately, then I line up my arrow and release. I hit the center of the target. "It worked!"

We shoot until it gets hard to see, with the sun setting behind the trees, then we take our stuff inside and sit on the couch to spend time altogether. "Can I have ice cream again?" I ask.

"Sure, sweetheart," Laura smiles then heads to the kitchen. The phone rings so Laura answers it on the way to the kitchen. "Hello," Laura greets then pauses for the other person to talk. "Sure, I'll get him. Clint, it's for you." Laura says then holds the phone in Clint's direction.

I wait in the living room alone for a few minutes until Laura brings me my bowl of ice cream. When she hands me the bowl, I notice that Laura added some sprinkles. I flash her a big smile. Clint talks on the phone for several minutes then comes to get me. "Jamie, Steve's on the phone."

I accept the phone from Clint. "Hi Steve!"

"Hi kiddo, how was your day?"

"Good. We went swimming in the lake."

"Wonderful. So, you're doing ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Ok, great. I'll call again tomorrow ok?"

"Ok. Bye."

I hang up the phone and return to my bowl of ice cream.

A few minutes later, Laura says, "Alright kiddo, it's time for bed."

"Ok," I respond, then take my bowl to the sink before heading upstairs.

Clint and Laura both follow, waiting in my room while I change and brush my teeth.

Clint and Laura are laying on either side of my bed, leaving me room in the middle. "Come on in," Clint says patting the bed.

"What's going on?"

"Sometimes we 'double tuck,' Cooper gave it that name when he was little because we both snuggle while tucking you in at the same time," Clint explains with a grin.

"Ok," I say then climb in between the two of them. They both lie with me, Laura reading a book while Clint rubs my forehead. I feel so loved and protected right now. I fall asleep before Laura finishes the book.

The sun's bright rays begin to warm my face rousing me from sleep. I open my eyes, blinking several times while they adjust to the light. I hear Clint say, "Good morning, baby girl."

I look over to see Clint watching me from the cot. "Hi, how long have you been watching me?"

Clint chuckles, "Not long. Ready to get up yet?"

"Yeah. Where's Laura?"

"She's still sleeping. I thought that maybe we could surprise her with breakfast in bed."

"Yeah! Let's do it."

Clint and I head downstairs, still in our pajamas. We quickly make scrambled eggs and toast for Laura and pour her a glass of orange juice. Clint brings out a tray with sides so Laura can place the tray on her lap. After quietly walk back upstairs so we don't wake up Laura prematurely, Clint hands me the tray to hold while he gives Laura a kiss to wake her up. When Laura opens her eyes, Clint smiles at her and gives her another kiss. "We made breakfast for you."

"Oh wow, thank you so much." Laura sits up in bed accepting the tray with a warm smile. Laura pats the bed next to her and says, "Jamie, come sit by me."

I don't know why I hesitate, but I cautiously join Laura on her bed. Laura puts her arm around my shoulder and gives me a kiss on the side of my forehead. "This is perfect. Thank you, sweetheart."

I smile, looking over at Clint who is also smiling. Clint gets in bed on his side, with me in the middle like the 'double tuck' but in the morning. Clint wraps his arm around me, kissing the top of my head a few times while Laura finishes her breakfast. Laura puts the tray on her night stand then lies on her side facing me. "I'm so glad that you are here," Laura says to me, running her fingers through my hair. The three of us continue lying in the bed together, snuggling and talking. It really feels like they are my mom and dad, being with them is easy. They both have been so open to loving me, even though I have been so difficult.

"Is this really how things are here, like when Lila, Cooper and Nathaniel are also here?"

"Well, we are busier when they are all here. Lying in bed together doesn't usually happen, only once in a while, but it sure is nice when we get to do it."

"We didn't do this kind of stuff with my mom. She had to work two jobs so she wasn't home very much and when she was, she was tired. But I know she had to. I think that's why Lizzy and I were so close. I had to take care of her a lot and she had to come with me places because she was too little to stay home alone."

Laura and Clint listen quietly as I share some details about my old life. Clint chimes in, "That's sort of how it was with my brother and me. He was older and took care of me. I really loved him, almost like he was my father."

"What happened to your parents and your brother?"

"My parents died in a car accident. I don't really remember them, I was pretty young when they died. My brother also died, he was killed."

Sadness overcomes me, hearing about Clint's story, my heart aches for him. I start to cry, wrapping my arm around his chest, snuggling with him. "It's ok Jamie. I'm ok. It took a long time but I've dealt with losing my family. Now I have my own family and I have you and I feel like the luckiest guy in the whole world." Clint kisses my head and wipes the tears from my cheeks.

I nod but continue to hug Clint, wanting to be close to him. Laura rubs my back, helping me to calm down. When I feel back to normal, I move back to my position in the middle.

"Are you hungry yet?" Clint asks me.

I nod.

"Let's go do our breakfast while Laura gets ready, ok?"

"Ok."

Clint and I eat a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, finishing up before Laura comes downstairs, so we snuggle on the couch together. I find myself still thinking about Clint and his family.

"Clint?"

"What's up?"

"Did you go through a time like I am, being sad and mad all the time?"

"Yeah, not exactly the same, but yeah, I grieved, especially for my brother."

"Did you feel like it would never end, that you would always feel bad?"

"Yeah, I did. But, you know what, it didn't last forever. Slowly, over time, things got better."

"How did it get better?"

"I just kept getting up in the morning, I kept doing everyday stuff and over time things started to get better. I had people in my life who cared about me and I had Laura who I could talk to about my feelings." Clint pauses, thinking about grieving. "You can delay grieving but you can't skip it. There isn't an easy way through it either."

I listen, feeling connected through sad circumstances, understanding that Clint knows what it feels like to lose people you love.

"Did you ever want to give up, like kill yourself?"

"Well, no, I was too angry at the people who murdered my brother. I wanted them to be in jail. Do you ever feel like you want to kill yourself?" Clint asks, trying not to sound alarmed.

I nod. I notice Clint's body stiffen and his breathing changed.

"Do you feel like that now?"

"No."

"Promise me that you will tell me if you feel like you want to kill yourself, ok?" Clint pauses for my answer. "Jamie? Will you do that for me, please?"

I nod. Clint squeezes me tighter, kissing my head. "I love you so much baby girl."


	69. Chapter 69

Chapter 69

Laura comes downstairs, showered. "Ready for your shower, Jamie?"

I sigh, "Yeah," then get up from the couch and follow Laura upstairs. Laura stays in my bedroom while I shower with the door closed, checking on me every couple of minutes. It's getting annoying but I don't want to freak them out so I accept that this is the best I can get right now.

When I finish, Clint and Laura are waiting in the bedroom, both look worried. "What's wrong?" I ask feeling panic brewing.

"I want to check your legs again. Sorry kiddo."

I cross my arms, angry tears flowing down my cheeks. "I'm fine, I wasn't even in there long. Why do I have to do this again?"

"Are you going to let me check?"

I don't respond. Clint looks over at Laura, giving her a brief nod then Laura leaves the room.

"What's that, what is she doing?" I ask in full panic mode.

"Laura is calling Steve. We need to check your legs."

I start crying, "Please don't call him. I don't want to be restrained. Please. I'll show you my legs. Please don't call him."

Clint immediately comes over to me, lifting my pant legs. He sees that there are no new injuries. "Ok, I'm done. I'm sorry but I needed to know that you were ok. Can I hold you?"

I shake my head, still crying, backing away from him, my arms wrapped around my middle. Clint puts his hands up, indicating that he's not trying to hurt me. A few minutes later, Steve comes into the room. I freak out, "No, no, no, no, no, no, no." I cry out, backing away until I can go no further then drop to the ground, crouching as small as I can make myself with my hands covering my head. My body is shaking. I can hear Clint and Steve whispering but I'm not sure what they are talking about. I don't want Steve to restrain me and force me to go to a talk circle.

Steve kneels in front of me, "Can I hold you?"

I whimper, then freeze, immediately reminded of the rules, ' _Are you allowed to make noise?'_

Steve decides to wait, giving me space to calm down. I'm not sure how much time goes by but I do feel myself calm down some; still upset but not as scared. I carefully lift my head so I can see who's with me. Steve, Clint and Laura are sitting on the floor about five feet in front of me.

Steve says, "Ready to talk?"

I nod, with my head downcast.

"You're not in trouble, you didn't do anything wrong, ok?" Steve says.

I start to cry. I feel like I did something wrong but I'm not sure what it was.

"Can I hold you now?" Steve asks.

I nod but don't move so Steve scoots over to me and pulls me onto his lap. I snuggle against his chest, letting him comfort me.

"How did you feel when Clint asked to see your legs?"

"Scared, frustrated."

"Why were you frustrated?"

"I was having a good morning. I was quick in the bathroom so he wouldn't worry and he still wanted to check."

"Ok. What bothers you about being checked?"

I don't respond. My body begins to shake again.

Steve holds me tighter. "Jamie, why are you scared?" Steve asks concerned.

I shake my head, not being able to talk about it.

"We're not trying to hurt you when we check your legs. We just want to make sure you are ok. Is that what it feels like, like we're going to hurt you like the boy did?"

I nod, another whimper escaping. Again, I brace for impact, knowing it won't come but feeling like it will. Steve is quiet for a long time. I don't think he knows what to do. I feel myself calming down again, quicker this time.

Steve asks, "Do you have any ideas on how we can let you have privacy in the bathroom and we can make sure that you're ok?"

I shake my head.

"Ok, I will talk it over with the others. Jamie…" Steve says, pausing, unsure of how to say this, "…I promise we won't hurt you. We all love you."

"I know but it just feels dangerous, like when..."

"What does?"

"Having to show someone what's under my clothing. I know you have to sometimes but I don't like when you hold my arms and legs so I can't move. I was extra scared when Clint said he was calling you. I would rather just show him than be restrained and have someone else move my clothes."

Steve hugs me, kissing my head. "I'm so sorry baby girl. I don't want you to be afraid of us or of things that we are doing. We are trying to keep you safe, not hurt you. We can't stop restraining you if you are going to get hurt or are hurt and need medical care. Understand?"

I nod then let Steve comfort me a little while longer. Then, Clint steps in. "Can I hold you now?"

I nod, then move to sit on Clint's lap. Clint wraps his arms around me wanting me to feel safe with him again. Clint implores me to believe him, his heart breaking, "I love you so much. I don't want you to be afraid of me. I probably will ask to check you again, but I want you to know that I'm not planning to hurt you, I want to make sure you are alright."

"I don't think I can choose to not be afraid. It just happens and it happens fast. I know that you won't hurt me but some of the things you do remind me of the other stuff that happened," I try to explain the best I can, not fully understanding what's happening or why.

"This would be a good topic to discuss with Jen," Steve says.

I sigh, "I don't like when she comes."

"Do you know why?" Steve asks.

"I don't like talking about stuff. And, I'm afraid to trust her. Mrs. Cartwright may actually be a nice person but she was controlled by Cross. I don't want Cross to be able to get me and if I start to trust her, he might find a way to use her to hurt me." I start to cry again. "I don't want to be hurt anymore."

"It seemed a little better the last time that she was at the compound," Clint mentions hoping to get me to calm down again.

"It was. I liked that everyone was playing together that one time. I guess when it feels more like hanging out it's easier to be around her."

Steve checks in, "Are you feeling better now?"

I nod.

"Ok, I'm going to leave now if that's alright."

"Yeah, I'm better now, but one last snuggle, ok?"

Steve smiles then opens his arms for me. I sit on Steve's lap, with his arms wrapped around me. Steve cradles my head with his hand and places a few kisses on the top of my head. "Love you baby girl."

"Love you too," I respond then move to let Steve get up.

Dr. Strange was waiting in the background. I feel a little self-conscious when I see him because I didn't know he was there. He comes over to me, opens his arms for a hug too. I accept the hug, which I recognize as a huge sign of affection from him. "You're wearing your cape. I'm sorry I made you leave when you were working," I say feeling bad about myself for having trouble.

"Don't feel bad about that, I want to help when you need me," Dr. Strange says then his cape tickles me under my chin.

I giggle. "Did your cape do that on purpose?"

"Yeah, it has a mind of its own," Dr. Strange grumbles then shoos it. "I think it likes you. It's kind of fickle so that's quite a compliment."

I smile, looking at the cape moving slightly as if its breathing. "Does it keep you safe?" I ask reaching out to touch the cape, sort of petting it.

"Well, yes. It chose me as a companion. We work together."

The cape flies off of Dr. Strange wrapping itself around me briefly, as if giving me a hug, then returns to Dr. Strange settling on his shoulders.

I notice Steve looking at Clint. "Did I do something wrong?" I ask concerned by the looks they are exchanging.

"No, kiddo. You didn't do anything wrong," Clint responds. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine."

"We're going to leave now," Steve says. "Ok, kiddo?"

I nod then give Steve another hug. Steve gives me a squeeze and kisses the top of my forehead. "Bye."

I watch as Dr. Strange opens a portal and steps through with Steve following close behind. I feel a tinge of sadness creep in as the portal closes. Clint stands behind me, hands on my shoulders, "Are you alright?"

I nod.

"Ok, good. What would you like to do today?"

"Play catch and shoot."

"Sounds good to me."

We begin by playing catch in the yard. After some warm up time, Clint brings out the bat and hits several ground balls for me to field. I am able to field most of the balls successfully. With the events of the morning, its already lunch time but I don't want to eat. I hope Clint doesn't call Steve or Bruce. I follow Clint inside, wash my hands and sit down at the table with Clint and Laura. Laura has stuff for sandwiches sitting out on the table. "Not hungry?" Laura asks concerned, noticing that I haven't put any food on my plate.

I shake my head. "Can I go to the living room?"

"I want you to stay here with us," Clint says.

I sigh then sit back in my chair, laying my head back over the top of the chair. When Clint finishes eating he suggests shooting.

"Ok," I respond, excited to leave the table and to shoot again.

We gather up our gear and get set up outside at the shooting range. I practice clearing my mind. Remembering Clint's instructions, I try to think about things that have made me happy over the past month or so, avoiding any topics related to the bad things that happened. I think about playing with Steve, Clint and Tony in the pool at Disney and the beautiful night time show at Hollywood Studios. I think about playing sports with Clint and Laura reading me bedtime stories. I think about feeling loved and Dr. Strange's cape. I load the arrow, point the tip toward the target, pull the string taunt, line up the arrow with the bullseye, breathe, then release. The arrow scraps the edge of the target. I run through the process several more times without seeing improvement. A few tears run down my cheeks but I don't know why they are there. I try again, pulling another arrow from the quiver, lining it up, trying to clear my mind but decide against shooting it. "Something's wrong?"

Clint responds, "What is?"

"I don't know. I'm not really thinking anything but I feel uneasy, like I'm getting ready to explode."

"'Explode,' what do you mean?"

"Not the mind thing. Like I'm going to be upset, but I don't know why. What should I do?"

"We should talk, maybe get the others involved as well."

"Like a talk circle?"

"Yeah, but this time you can request it."

"I don't want to bother everyone else, I assume they are enjoying their free time."

"They all miss you, a lot."

I don't believe him. I bet they wanted me to leave so they could get a break from me. Another tear falls down my cheek but I turn away from Clint so he doesn't see it.

"I have an idea. Let's take a ride over to the lake. We will lay the blanket out again and just talk, whatever comes to your mind."

"Ok."

We take our shooting stuff inside, abandoning it in the living room in case we decide to do more shooting later. Clint talks briefly to Laura. I can't hear what he's saying but the conversation seems oddly detailed. Laura nods, asks questions, nods again. I feel uncomfortable like they are planning something, plotting to pounce. I try to shake the thought out of my mind. Within a few minutes, Clint and I are in the golf cart heading to the lake.

Once we arrive, Clint sets up the blanket for us. I remain back several feet, anxious about talking. I really don't know what I'm feeling and I'm afraid of freaking out. I guess one way or another it will come out at least this way Clint will be there to help. He sees that I'm scared so he asks, "What helps you to feel safe?"

"Well, snuggles, sometimes when Steve holds me tight sort of like when he restrains me but it feels different. I felt safer when I was holding Tony's hand at Disney, being able to lock doors, and right after I hurt myself," I say looking down on the last example.

"Ok. Could I try holding you tight like Steve does?"

"Um, ok. Will you stop if I say 'stop?'"

"Yes, this is voluntary. If you say 'stop,' I will stop."

"Ok."

Clint opens his arms for me to sit on his lap while he sits cross-legged. I sit with my back to his chest, my legs curled up close to my chest. He wraps his arms around me, pinning my arms and legs making it hard for me to move. He also wraps one of his legs over my feet and ankles to keep me from kicking. I wiggle some, checking Clint's hold.

"How does that feel?"

"Good."

"Ok, ready?"

"Yeah."

"Tell me how you're feeling."

I push again against Clint's hold, checking to see if its strong.

"Do you want me to let go?" Clint asks, feeling me pushing against him.

"No," I respond quickly, wanting his hold to be tight and strong. "I don't know how to tell you what I feel."

"Ok. You didn't eat lunch, were you really not hungry or did you want to be in control of your body?"

I think for a moment, "I didn't want to eat, I wanted to decide if I ate."

"How did you feel this morning when I asked to check your legs?"

I curl up smaller.

Clint notices so he asks with urgency, "Jamie, how did you feel?"

"Vulnerable, exposed, scared; I knew that I wouldn't have a choice, that you would make me do it and then you said Steve was coming and I-I…" I pause, not wanting to lose it, my heart is racing and my breathing is shallow and ragged, "…I knew I would be held down and someone would take my clothes," I shake my head, fixing my words, "…move my clothes to check. Then, I said that I would and you still had him come. I felt like Steve was coming to punish me for refusing to let you look."

I'm crying now, frantic. Clint keeps his hold on me, allowing me to feel the strong emotions while feeling protected through it.

"I'm sorry you were scared. I don't want you to feel like we're hurting you; we want to keep you safe and we want you to feel safe with us."

Clint keeps holding me. My body begins to calm as the emotions begin to dissipate.

"How are you feeling now?"

"Better."

"Good. We need to plan for how we can give you privacy and make sure that you're safe. I don't want you to feel like we are hurting you ever again," Clint declares, his words filled with emotion.

I feel bad for him. I know he loves me and wants to take care of me, he wants me to be safe and protected, he wants me to feel safe too. "I wish you could trust me, but I don't even know that I wouldn't do something bad. I want you to make sure I am safe from me too." I think for a moment. "You know how someone holds me when we do the desensitization trials?"

"Yeah."

"Maybe we could have something like that set up. Maybe we could plan that someone will check me but include something that makes me feel safe. But if it's someone holding me, then I need to be able to say stop, even if we have to come back to it."

"I think that might work but we might have to check you other times too, like if you find a way to hide for a while. We may need to check when you really don't want to show us because you really did hurt yourself. Would that make things different for you?"

"I would still be scared but I think those times are different because I might need help before I would be willing to let someone look. I will hate it but I agree that you should do whatever is needed." I feel sad and disappointed in myself. "I'm sorry that I put you in those situations where you have to make me do something so I'm safe and I'm sorry that I hit and kick you. I don't know why I do things that are dangerous. I didn't used to do stupid, dangerous things."

"I know baby girl, but I understand why. When something really scary happens, we have to learn how to feel safe again. That's really hard to do because there may be things that keep reminding us of the scary thing that happened, maybe your life is changed like with losing your family."

"Is that the PTSD thing that Steve told me about?"

"Yeah kiddo, you have PTSD. That's why you do the things that you do, why you sometimes feel so scared that you can't move. We know that you can't control it right now. We want to help you to feel safe again, to learn better ways of coping with your emotions so you can go back to just feeling like a normal kid."

"I'm happy that I have you and the others to help me. I don't think other parents could help with this. I don't think most foster parents would want to help with this either. I'm pretty lucky."

"We all love you very much," Clint says, kissing my head.

"Are you ready for me to let go yet?"

"Yeah."

"Ok." Clint slowly loosens his grip and removes his leg from across my ankles. As soon as I can, I turn so I can hug Clint.

"Thanks," I say, feeling lucky that I have Clint as my dad. Clint hugs me as long as I want.

"Ready to go back to the house now?"

"Yeah, can I have a snack. I'm hungry."

Clint smiles, "Yes."

We pack up the blanket and head back to the house. Clint points out the different parts of the vehicle as a first lesson in driving the golf cart. Clint's a great dad. I smile enjoying every second.

Dinner is still a few hours away so Clint makes me a sandwich. Laura and Clint sit with me in the kitchen while I eat, enjoying easy conversation. "What do you want to do until dinner time?"

"Can we go back to shooting?"

"Sure."

We shoot for about an hour. I'm able to hit the target consistently with several hitting the center.

"Clint?"

"What's up?"

I feel self-conscious so I look down, "I like being here. I like having you as my dad and Laura as my mom."

Clint wraps me into a hug, "We like having you here as our daughter. You can stay here whenever you want or just live here. You get to decide."

"Maybe when I'm not as crazy. I really don't want to scare Lila or Cooper. Thanks, Dad."

Clint kisses the top of my head. "Love you baby girl. Ready to head in now?"

"Yeah." We pick up our gear and walk inside, I hold Clint's hand, wanting to be closer to him.

"Did you two have fun?" Laura says when she sees us.

I nod then smile looking up at Clint. We put our stuff away and get cleaned for dinner. I finish washing my hands then join Laura in the kitchen who's still finishing up dinner. "Hi Mom, need any help?"

Laura smiles, "Um, yeah. Can you put ice in the cups?"

"Ok," I say then pull the ice cube tray from the freezer.

I break up the cubes then begin filling up the cups with ice. Clint comes into the kitchen, gives Laura a kiss then takes his seat. When I finish putting ice in Clint's glass, he smiles and says, "Thanks, kiddo."

I smile too, feeling loved and like I belong here. After filling up and returning the tray to the freezer, I sit down in my seat, joining Clint and Laura who are already at the table. We eat, enjoying our time together. When we finish, Laura says, "Ok, kiddo, please take care of the dishes."

"Ok," I say still enjoying the family/home atmosphere that includes chores and I appreciate that Laura said 'please.' Although, _I wonder what would happen if I say 'no.'_ Not tonight, I don't want to have any more trouble today.


	70. Chapter 70

Chapter 70

Before, I finish the dishes, the phone rings. Clint answers the phone, it must be Steve. I continue with the dishes, hoping to finish before it's time for me to talk to Steve. A few minutes later, Clint returns to the kitchen, "Lila fell off a horse we need to meet them at the hospital." Clint looks at me, "I'll call Steve, he will be here in a few minutes to get you."

"I want to come," I plead, worried about Lila.

Clint looks at Laura then, says, "Ok, let's go. I'll have Steve meet us there."

We quickly file into the car only grabbing the essentials. Clint races down the old dirt roads that lead from his house, eventually making our way to the highway. We arrive at the small hospital near the camp in a little over an hour quickly finding a nearby parking spot. Clint and Laura frantically ask the sweet old lady at the receptionist's desk for more information. We know that Lila is already at the hospital but the receptionist ushers us to a waiting area next to the entrance, letting us know that the doctor will be out to talk to us as soon as he can. "Why do we have to wait for the doctor?" I ask, surprised that they couldn't immediately go to be with Lila. With the anxious looks on their faces, I know Clint and Laura were thinking the same thing.

An older man with gray hair and soft eyes greets us at the entrance to the waiting room. Clint and Laura quickly stand to talk to the doctor. I sheepishly wait back, not wanting to be in the way, knowing that I don't really belong in the middle of their conversation. The doctor explains, "Lila fell off of a horse. We ran an MRI. We were looking for damage to her spinal cord and brain. MRI was negative, which is great news. She is still unconscious, so we are treating her for a severe concussion. We also haven't seen signs of internal bleeding or broken bones but we will know more when she wakes up. Would you like to see her now?"

Clint and Laura readily nod but then Clint looks back clearly unsure of what to do with me. I interject before Clint has a chance to talk, "I will wait here for Steve. I promise I will be ok."

Clint pauses for a second, looking over at Laura for her input. Laura gives a slight smile then nods. Clint still doesn't seem sure he should leave me alone, "Are you sure you're ok?"

"Yes, I promise I won't do anything but wait here for Steve. I promise."

"If you need anything, ask the receptionist to get me, ok?"

I nod. Clint kisses my forehead then walks with Laura, following the doctor. I anxiously wait for Steve, hoping I can keep my promise to Clint. Nearly twenty minutes go by before Steve hurriedly walks through the hospital entrance. He first goes to the receptionist desk but turns when he hears me calling him. I run over to Steve, falling into a big hug. I cry, worried about Lila and a little upset about feeling that I don't belong. "How are you doing, kiddo?"

"Ok, Lila got hurt."

"I know, kiddo, but she'll be ok. Do you want to stay here or head back to the compound?"

"Stay here," I answer, definitively.

"Ok, let's go sit in the waiting room."

Steve sits on the bench seat and positions me so I am snuggling with him. We sit in silence, waiting for news. I fall asleep after a couple hours. "Jamie. Jamie, wake up, baby girl."

I open my eyes, seeing Clint, I bolt upright, "How's Lila?"

"She's ok. She is complaining of a bad headache and upset stomach but otherwise she's fine. She's sleeping right now," Clint explains. I smile then wrap my arms around Clint's neck. I allow myself to cry now, happy that she's ok. "Lila has to stay in the hospital tonight but should be able to come home tomorrow."

I nod.

"I want you to go back to the compound tonight. But you can come back tomorrow after Lila comes home if you want. Sound good?"

I want to object, but decide against it knowing Clint doesn't need more stress right now. "Can I say goodbye to Laura first?"

Clint nods then says, "Come on back."

Steve and I follow Clint back to Lila's room. When I enter the room, I pause seeing Lila in the hospital bed. I'm filled with a sense of dread and, and… A few tears run down my cheek. Clint wraps his arm around me, "She really is going to be ok." Clint kisses my head and gives me one more squeeze. I close the gap between Laura and me, wrapping my arms around her, my tears renewed. I pull away, backing up to stand next to Steve.

"Ready to go, kiddo?" Steve asks.

I nod. Clint shakes Steve's hand, "Thanks for coming." Steve and I leave, getting into his car.

"How are you doing kiddo?"

"I'm ok," I say, feeling tired.

Within a few minutes, I'm asleep.


	71. Chapter 71

Chapter 71

I wake in my bed at the compound. _Oh, that's right, Lila._ Nat is waiting for me to wake. "Good morning, kiddo. How are you doing?"

"I'm ok. Did Clint call yet?" I ask eager for more information.

"Not yet. Ready for breakfast?"

I sigh, getting out of bed. I enter my bathroom and close the door, testing out the new rule. Nat says, "I'll be right outside." I sigh. _I guess I should be happy that I am allowed to close the door_. I use the restroom and brush my teeth. I purposely take my time in the bathroom. Then, I decide to shower, enjoying the water running over me. Nat knocks on the door a few times and seems appeased by my 'I'm fine' responses. When the shower is done, I dry off and get dressed slowly. I know they are going to ask to check me, but I want to enjoy every second of my privacy. I take a deep breath, expecting the confrontation. When I open the door Nat and Steve are in my room waiting for me, they seem anxious.

"Did Clint call?" I ask, wanting to know but also wanting to distract them from my time spent in the bathroom.

"No, he didn't call yet," Steve says, his expression unchanged.

I keep moving, as if nothing happened, hoping they will move on too. I'm not that lucky. "You were in the bathroom a long time," Steve chimes in almost as if on cue.

I shrug my shoulders, then attempt to walk out of the room to go to the kitchen.

"Jamie," Steve says then blocks my exit.

"What?" I ask, playing dumb, knowing exactly what he wants to address.

"You were in the bathroom a long time."

"No, not really. I showered too."

"We need to check your legs."

Anger spikes, "I'm fine! All I did was shower, that's it."

Ignoring my outburst, Steve continues, "Clint said that you wanted something that helps you feel safe while we check."

"Yes, I did but I'm fine. You don't have to check me." I feel the familiar fear creeping in, my anger turning quickly to panic.

"We are going to check, probably every time you are in the bathroom alone for a while."

"No, I don't want you to do that!" I protest through gritted teeth, not looking at him or Nat.

"We thought that maybe you would like Hulk to hold you while we looked," Steve comments calmly. Hulk enters the room with Tony standing just behind Hulk still in the hallway.

I start to cry, backing away. _I hate when they do this, when they gang up on me. I hate this!_ I know that I don't have a choice, I will be showing them my legs. But, I want to fight them, I want to be able to say no. The showdown continues for several minutes.

Steve takes a step closer to me. I back away quickly causing Steve to stop short. "Jamie, this is the compromise of being able to close the bathroom door. If you want to continue to be allowed to shut the door and lock it, you have to show someone your legs. You can choose who, you can be held by someone if you want, we can do it in your room or wherever."

I stomp my foot, shaking, angry and scared.

"Who do you want to show your legs to?"

"Nat!" I yell.

"Do you want Hulk to hold you first?"

I nod, the only part of this that I want is to be held by Hulk.

"Ok. Tony and I will meet you in the kitchen when you're done." Steve and Tony leave my room. _I'm sure they are waiting right outside my door._ The thought reignites my anger.

Hulk is sitting on the floor near my bed, taking up most of my room, waiting for me. Nat is about six feet away from me, ready to jump in if needed. I bitterly sigh, frustrated that I am surrounded. I could try to run but they always catch me. Nat interrupts my thoughts, "I can see that you are assessing your options for escape. Tony and Steve are blocking the exits." _I hate this._

Hulk interjects, "Hulk hold Jamie."

His words are my undoing, I into Hulk's arms, wanting him to protect me, make me feel safe. I wrap my arms around his neck tucking my face in between my arm and his neck. Hulk pats my back for a few minutes. I sigh, knowing this is the best I can get. "Jamie ready?" Hulk asks in his deep, forced voice.

I turn around sitting down on Hulk's lap, still shaking from fear. Nat comes over then kneels in front of me. I close my eyes, my body frozen. Nat quickly lifts up my pant legs then says, "Ok, I'm done." I curl up on Hulk's lap, crying, hiding my face. Steve and Tony come back in my room sitting around me. _I don't want to look at any of them._

I'm not sure what's even going on. _Why did I fight them? I want to fight them, I want to be bad, very bad._ I get up from Hulk's lap, tears still falling down my cheeks. Amazingly, no one stops me from leaving my room, maybe they thought this was over. I make my way to the living room picking up the closest lamp then start to use it as a bat, swinging wildly at the wall and across furniture. "Jamie! Stop!" I hear someone yell but I don't want to stop. I swipe everything off of a bookshelf then pull the entire shelf down. Someone grabs me, trying to bring me into a restraint but I fight with everything that I have. I feel more people grabbing me making me fight all the more. I start to lose ground, feeling myself being lowered to the floor. I'm not able to move. I scream, feral, full of rage. As I begin to come down from my tirade, I can see Nat and Tony holding down my legs, and what I assume is Steve's leg wrapped around my waist. My arms are pinned against my middle and I'm forcefully held against someone's chest. I'm still breathing heavy from the physical exertion but am calming down. I look around the room, seeing the mess that I made feeling utterly disgusted with myself. I start to cry again.

"It's alright, baby girl. Calm down," Steve consoles me.

I try to move my legs but they haven't let up yet, I cry harder.

Still with a soft, calming voice, Steve says, "Once you calm down, we can let go."

Anger shoots through my veins once again, hearing that they won't let go when I want them to let go. I begin wrenching my body around, nearly getting my leg free. Before making any progress, I tire myself out, slowing my efforts then giving up. They wait it out, not looking at me, not talking to me. After several minutes, I feel Steve nod then Nat and Tony begin to let up, slowly. Once they do, I curl up my legs. Steve waits to let go of my arms. "Are you ready to talk?" Steve asks.

I nod.

"Go sit on the couch," Steve commands, although his words were spoken softly. I obey, keeping my head down, knowing I've caused enough trouble. I sit down in the middle seat, knowing that's what Steve meant. Keeping my head down, I brace myself, waiting for Steve to yell at me, tell me that he doesn't want me anymore or maybe Tony will be angry that I broke stuff or perhaps Nat will be mad that I took long in the bathroom then threw a fit.

Steve and Tony each take a seat on either side of me and Nat and Bruce bring chairs over to sit directly in front of me. I flinch a few times anticipating their reaction. Steve notices, "We're not mad."

I look up, not believing him.

"He's right, we're not mad at you," Tony confirms.

I look down again, "You should be. You should want to give me away, now."

Tony rebuts, "We adopted you, kiddo. We are never going to give you away, no matter what happens. Trashing the living room definitely doesn't mean we are going to give you away. We love you."

I start to cry again, bringing my knees up to my chest.

Steve asks, "What's going on?"

"I don't know. Clint and I talked yesterday, I thought this was fixed."

"Well, it makes sense that checking your legs after being in the bathroom isn't completely fixed because of how scary it is for you right now," Steve explains. "Are you worried about Lila?"

I nod.

"How do you feel about your visit being cut short?" Tony asks.

I don't want to answer.

"Well, if it were me, I think I would feel mad, frustrated, maybe sad and I would feel guilty for feeling that way when Clint's daughter was hurt."

I start to cry again, Tony's assessment is accurate.

"It's ok to feel that way, your feelings aren't bad, we just need to talk about them," Steve says.

"I was starting to feel comfortable, I had some problems but I think it was getting better." I start to sob, "They did a double tuck and we played softball and they were 'mom' and 'dad,'" I spew random thoughts from the time I spent with Clint and Laura, not making much sense I'm sure.

"Sounds like you had a really good time and started to feel like you belonged there," Nat says.

I nod but remember how I felt at the hospital, how I felt like I didn't belong.

"You can always go back," Tony says.

I refute his idea, "I don't trust myself around Lila and Cooper, I'm afraid I will scare them. Besides, sometimes with all five of you, I'm hard to manage. I think I would be too much trouble for them."

"What were you feeling this morning?"

"I assumed that you would want to check but I wanted to fight about it. I don't know why. I was mad, real mad. I don't even remember what all happened, I just did it." I reflect on the event. "I was scared too but not like before at Clint's."

"Why were you mad?"

"Lots of reasons I guess," I sigh, wanting to be done with this talk. "Can I eat breakfast now please?"

"After you help clean up the living room," Steve says. _I guess this is the punishment part._ I want more of a punishment than this.

After Steve and Tony lift up the bookcase, setting it upright along the wall, I begin replacing the books and trinkets where they belong. Steve cleaned up the broken lamp but I found a piece sitting on the floor that was under a few books. I quickly hide it in my pocket, hoping to keep it with me for later. I don't think anyone noticed that I have it.

When we finished cleaning up the room, I went to the kitchen for breakfast. Steve offers to make eggs and bacon. Part of me wants to fight eating too but that was my excuse for ending the talk circle so I have to see it through. After about ten minutes, Steve puts a plate of eggs and bacon in front of me. I eat, noticing that Bruce is trying not to appear to be paying attention.

When I finish eating, Steve says, "Go back to the couch, we need to finish talking."

I'm angry, "What?! No! We already talked, I'm done!"

"Clearly you are still upset, we still need to get to the bottom of it."

"Did Clint call yet?"

"Yes, Lila is home. She is recovering from a concussion," Tony says having taken the phone call while I was eating breakfast.

I cross my arms, "I want to go back to Clint's."

"We need to deal with what's going on with you first," Steve says.

"No! I'm not talking anymore!"

Steve and Tony approach me. I don't want them to make me sit on the couch and talk, I don't want them to touch me. I back away, feeling cornered. "Please don't," I beg, fear brewing, starting to cry again.

Steve gently instructs, "Go sit on the couch."

I don't want to be forced to walk to the couch, so I comply but I'm angry about it. I flop down on the couch, arms crossed-hot, angry tears running down my cheeks. Everyone takes their positions again which infuriates me. I kick at Nat and Bruce, wanting some distance. Tony and Steve each grab an arm and Nat and Bruce block my legs. I feel myself raging again, I wrench my body trying to pull away from everyone. "I don't want to talk anymore, I don't want you to make me do stuff."

"This is one of those things that you need to do, just like eating or getting medical care. We don't want to have to force you. We can let go if you stop fighting us," Steve explains, trying to hide his frustration.

I try to calm down, taking a few deep breaths, desperately wanting them to stop restraining me.

"Good, you are calming down. Ready for us to let go?"

I nod, still feeling angry but trying to keep calm to avoid being restrained any longer.

"You still have a lot of anger. What are you angry about?"

"I don't know, really; it's just there. I don't want to be forced to do stuff, I hate that."

"The things that Cross and the guard did and the things that the boy did and made you do, I understand being angry about that. I understand being angry about things that—"

"I hate when you talk about that!" I scream to cut them off then start swinging my arms and kicking again. They return to restraining me which reignites the rage. They keep me contained until I calm down again, slowly letting me go over time.

"Jamie…" Steve says but as soon as I hear Steve say my name, I cover my ears keeping my head down. Everyone backs off seeing that they aren't making progress.

I hear Tony's muffled voice, "Let's take her to the gym, she can punch the heavy bags or work with me in the ring."

"Jamie," Tony says, "I have an idea. Instead of talking, let's go to the gym. That's were Steve and I usually go when we are angry."

I sit up, thinking about his proposal. "Ok." Then I add, "Bathroom first." I can tell that they don't think it's a good idea but they agree to let me go, maybe they will allow me to skip checking after until I go to the gym.

They all follow me to my bedroom but allow me to go to the bathroom with the door closed and locked. I know I don't have much time. I sit on the toilet, just in case they come in, and pull out the small piece of glass from the broken lamp. I immediately begin cutting my stomach. None are deep, I don't want them to bleed much. My goal is to do damage, as much as possible, without getting caught. I try to keep it quick though. When I'm finished I go into my closet and stash the contraband in a pocket of one of my sweatshirts. I wash my hands then open the door to everyone waiting. I decide to avoid a possible problem and restraint wanting to hide my newest injuries so I lift my pant legs up briefly. I notice that everyone except Nat is relieved. Nat has an odd look that I recognize from other times that I tried to hide stuff. I leave my bedroom, hoping to avoid detection.


	72. Chapter 72

Chapter 72

I walk between Tony and Bruce to the gym. Steve and Nat stayed behind which really bothers me. I don't want Nat to tell Steve that she thinks something happened. When we arrive in the gym, Bruce wraps my hands in tape and fastens the training gloves on me while Tony puts on the trainer's gear. I step into the ring already having some idea of how to do this from the last time Tony brought me here.

Tony holds up his hands for me to hit, I do, as hard as I can. I keep pace with him as well, hitting each target as he holds them up. The rage is back but is focused on the targets, each punch taking a piece of the rage with it. Images of the boy and Cross flood my mind: the sound of the yardstick, _'Say more please,'_ thoughts of him pulling down my pants, exposing my bottom for Cross to watch while he hit me, the boy laughing while he watched my body jerk around saying, _'See you like this game.'_ It's all there, I am angry at them for everything that they've done to me. My mom and Lizzy both dead, blown to pieces by me, because of Cross and my dad dead, all of this stemming from that boy.

I feel someone grab me from behind, I scream, trying to get free. Tony whips the gear off of his hands then helps to contain me, wrapping his arms around me, pinning my arms as well as putting his leg around my legs. I don't notice at first but he is talking to me, "You're ok. No one is going to hurt you. You're safe." Tony places a few kisses on my head making the restraint just as comforting as it is protective.

With the blind rage evaporating, I am more aware of what's going on around me. Tony is holding me, still out of breath from the workout I gave him. Bruce is in the ring sitting on the mat, he must have been the one to get me to stop punching. Steve and Nat are kneeling just inside of the ring, watching in silence, concern and maybe sadness written on their faces. I try to curl up more so Tony releases his hold and moves into a snuggle. He cradles my head, slightly rocking, periodically kissing my head. I feel myself calming down, no sign of the anger that was boiling earlier. Tony comforts me for a while, for as long as I want him to. "How are you doing kiddo?"

"Better."

"Ready to get out of the boxing gloves?"

I nod.

Maintaining the snuggle, Tony unwraps the tape and gently massages my hands that are sore from punching. "Do you still feel angry?"

"No, I just feel tired now."

"Anything come up that you want to talk about?" Tony asks, understanding from experience how PTSD can show up.

"I just thought about things that happened, nothing that I want to talk about."

"Ok kiddo," Tony says then kisses the top of my head. "Ready to go back to the living quarters now?"

I nod then begin to move away from Tony's snuggle. Bruce and Steve help me out of the ring while Nat whispers something to Tony. _I hate when they do that._

Bruce guides me out of the gym while Nat catches up a few seconds later. I'm starting to feel sad, wondering if Steve is avoiding me but then I consider the possibility that he is making plans to pounce. I feel myself getting angry. "Are you ok?" Nat asks watching my face.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I feign a calm cool attitude, loosening my furrowed eyebrows, trying to hide my feelings. Nat has that look again. I sigh, not wanting to deal with anymore problems. "Can I go to Clint's now?" I ask Nat.

"When everyone gets back, we'll talk about it," Nat says coolly.

"What?! But Steve said we had to get to the bottom of why I was mad then I could go," I protest. "Bruce?" I yell, hoping for some back up.

Bruce holds up his hands, not wanting to get in the middle of the debate.

"Bruce! You know this isn't right! Why are you doing this to me?!" I begin to cry, fresh tears falling. I take off running, angry with Nat for not letting me go to Clint's, angry with Bruce for not standing up for me, angry with everyone for ganging up on me. I hear Nat calling after me then her getting on coms.

 _If they won't take me to Clint's then I will take myself!_ I run through the halls to the exit then across the yard toward the gate. I know I won't be able to leave through the gate but maybe there's an opening if I go through the woods. The tall cement wall of the compound is my guide, keeping me running parallel to the road while I look for a way out. Finally, I come to a chain link fence that's only about eight feet high. It's not an opening exactly but I think I can climb over it. I peek through the fence, making sure the coast is clear. I don't see anyone so I begin my ascent, up and over the fence in a few minutes. A green car comes speeding around the bend in the driveway, prompting me to look for a place to hide. The closest place to hide is a large bush, with seconds I am hidden from the road. After the car passes, I continue walking along the driveway, my head down, thinking about how awful this day has been. _I just wanted to go to Clint's house._ Another tear falls down my cheek.

I hear another car coming so I jump behind another bush, this one much smaller than the last. _I hope they didn't see me._ I recognize the car, it's Steve. Steve passes me then abruptly stops. I growl, _he saw me._ I stand with my arms cross, a scowl on my face while Steve backs up his car, pulling off to the side of the road. I am furious with Nat, stomping off as soon as I spot her. Steve calls, "Jamie, wait up."

"No! I am not talking to Nat!" I yell, fuming, refusing to stop.

I hear Steve tell Nat to wait at the car and to let the others know they found me. _I don't want to do this!_ I keep walking, of course Steve catches up quickly, grabbing my arm, "Jamie."

"Leave me alone! I am going to Clint's house."

"Jamie, let's talk about this."

"No! I'm leaving."

"You don't know how to get to Clint's house. I'll take you."

"I don't believe you! You said we could go after we talked, then Nat said that you guys would have to talk about it. So, which is it and will you just change your mind when I do what you want?"

"I'm sorry. Nat just wanted for all of us to check in with each other, that's all."

"No, I don't think that's true. She didn't say it that way, she made it sound like I wasn't going to go. I know how parents talk, they say 'We'll see' but what they really mean is 'no, but I don't want to argue with you,'" I yell, calling them out.

Steve chuckles, "Ok, I see your point. Nat does have some concerns about sending you back there right now."

"I promise I'll be good. I won't cause problems, I promise," I whine.

"Why do you want to go back so bad?" Steve asks.

"Lila is hurt, I want to be with her," I say tearing up again.

Steve listens to me, "Ok, let's go. I'll take you."

I pause, deciding if I should believe him or not. "I'm not lying to you. I will take you, right now. I promise."

Steve uses my line, I only say 'I promise' if I really mean it. I smile then give Steve a hug. Nat is still waiting by the car. I stop as soon as I see her. Steve looks at me, "Don't worry about Nat. I really am taking you to Clint's, ok?"

I debate whether I should trust them. _I really don't know the way so I will have to trust Steve to take me there._ I resume walking toward Steve's car knowing this is the only way. Steve adds perhaps so Nat knows what's going on, "We will take the jet." Nat looks over at him surprised. _Ok, maybe Steve is telling me the truth._

Steve asks Tony to stay with me in the living room while he gathers up a few items. Steve is planning on staying since Clint and Laura have to take care of Lila. I watch angrily as Nat follows Steve to his room. _I hope he doesn't go back on his word._

Nat follows after Steve, still concerned about Jamie going to Clint's house. "Steve wait, we need to talk about this."

Steve stops walking, allowing Nat to catch up and share her concern. "You know she's hiding something. I think she may have hurt herself. We can't trust her to be at Clint's house right now, he won't be able to provide the level of supervision that she needs."

"I agree, I think she is hiding something. But I also know that Jamie is forming relationships with Clint, Laura and the kids. Right now, her new little sister, who is the same age as her little sister, is hurt and she wants to be there for her. I don't want to get in the way of that. Besides, I'm planning on staying so I can provide the extra supervision. If there's a problem, I will deal with it. If needed, Dr. Strange will bring you. But, she needs this, she needs to be there for her new sister. And, I promised. I absolutely can't back out of that. She already feels betrayed," Nat cringes at Steve's words. "She needs to see that we are trustworthy, especially now with everything that she's dealing with. I'm sure we will find out what she's hiding but she appears to be ok physically so I think it's safe to hold off on confronting her."

Nat sighs, shaking her head. "Fine. I see your point. I'm glad you're planning to go with her."

Nat heads back to the living room, allowing Steve to get ready.

I cringe when I see Nat entering the living room. She notices then comes to sit next to me. I debate getting up and moving away from her but Tony comes over and sits near me blocking my escape. I grumble, giving Tony the stink eye. Tony offers a smug smile. _Jerk_. I cross my arms, prepared to fight with Nat and to be ganged up on. _I hope Steve was serious about taking me to Clint's house._ "Jamie, I'm sorry. I don't want you to feel like I've betrayed you. I'm just concerned about you because I love you."

I sigh, want and not wanting to be mad at Nat. Hearing that she won't stop me from going to Clint's helps to calm my anger as well. "Ok."

"'Ok?' So, you forgive me?"

"Yeah."

Nat pulls me into a hug, wanting to make things right again. I'm not sure what happened while she was talking to Steve but I'm happy that Nat is on board with me going back to Clint's house.

A few minutes later, Steve returns with a backpack. "Ready to go?"

"Yes," I say while standing up. I move to stand next to Steve.

Bruce interjects, "Jamie."

I turn to look at Bruce, who walks over to me. Bruce puts both hands on my arms just below my shoulders, "I'm sorry. I didn't want to take sides but I see by doing that I am choosing to not be on your side. But really, we all are on your side, we just might have a different idea of what that means. Next time, I will listen to you, find out what's going on so I can be on your side instead of just backing off."

I tear up then wrap my arms around him. Bruce hugs back, kissing the top of my head, all is forgiven.

I also say goodbye to Tony and thank him for boxing with me and talking with me. Steve and I board the jet and take off. Before long we are at Clint's house.


	73. Chapter 73

Chapter 73

Steve and I arrive at the house but no one is waiting for us outside like usual. Thoughts of Clint or Laura being upset to see me flood my mind. "Does Clint know that I'm coming?"

"Yes, I talked to him."

"Was he ok with me coming back?" I ask, fear of rejection taking root.

"Yes, he's just inside. He wants to be close to Lila."

"Ok," I breathe a sigh of relief, understanding that of course Clint would want to be near his daughter.

"Listen, please let me know if you feel some strong emotions building. I want to help you until Lila is better, are you willing to talk to me directly?"

"Yes, I am. I'm sorry I haven't been telling you, but I will, I promise."

Steve smiles, knowing that I mean it.

We enter the house, Laura meeting us in the living room. "Hi Jamie," Laura says sounding happy to see me. I am relieved. Laura gives me a big hug and kisses my head. "Clint is upstairs with Lila. Want to go up?"

I nod then make my way upstairs to Lila's bedroom. Her door is open. She sees me right away, her face lighting up with a huge smile, "Jamie's here!"

I smile, happy that Lila is happy to see me. I cautiously look over at Clint, hoping he is also happy to see me and again am relieved when Clint smiles opening his arms for a hug, "Hi baby girl."

I climb onto Lila's bed, sitting next to her. "How ya feeling?"

"My head hurts and my belly feels sick."

"I know what that's like," I say remembering my time in the infirmary.

"What have you been doing?"

"Dad read me a book and I'm playing some but I'm really bored. Dad said that I have to stay in bed," Lila says making a sour face.

"I'll stay with you."

"Really?" Lila asks excited.

"Sure, we have to stay in bed but do you have any ideas of things to do?"

"Will you play horses with me?"

"Sure." I look around the room and spot a clear plastic bin with horses. I retrieve the bin, placing it on the end of Lila's bed. "Do you have a favorite horse?"

"I like the white one and the black one."

I pull out the white and black horse and give them to Lila. Lila points to another horse and says, "That one looks like the horse that made me fall, he's mean."

I take all of the horses out of the bin, turn the bin upside down, then put the look alike offender under the bin. "What's the horse's name?"

Lila growls, "Brownie."

"Brownie, you are in timeout and you can't come out until you say you're sorry," I reprimand, wagging my finger at the brown horse lying under the bin. Lila sticks her tongue out at the horse then giggles.

I use the remaining horses, setting up a corral and riding area using her empty food tray where the corral is underneath and the riding area is on top. We take turns grooming our horses, having them run around the riding area and racing each other. After about an hour, Lila asks with eyes drooping, "I'm really tired, will you lay down with me?"

I look over at Clint and Steve who are keeping vigil near the door. Clint smiles then nods. I quickly clean up the horses and return the food tray while Lila lies down. I climb back in the bed, laying down next to her, putting my hand on her back. Clint puts the blanket over both of us and gives us each a kiss on the cheek. Lila falls asleep quickly. Hearing her breathing even out, I allow myself to fall asleep too.

* * *

Clint and Steve watch as the sleeping Jamie snuggles Lila. "She was worried about Lila. She kept asking if you had called, she couldn't wait to come back."

"It's sweet seeing them together. I wonder if Lila reminds Jamie of Lizzy," Clint ponders.

"I'm sure she does."

Clint adds, "Jamie shared more about her family. She was like a mother to Lizzy, grew up taking care of her and spending a lot of time with her. I imagine she really misses her and feels close to Lila now because of that relationship."

"She clearly has a maternal instinct. They are adorable together," Laura says coming up from behind Clint and Steve, touched by the image of Jamie and Lila snuggling.

"How was Jamie this morning? Tony mentioned she had some trouble," Clint asks concerned.

Steve sighs, "She spent a long time in the bathroom. Then she fought us when we wanted to check her legs. She was angry, angrier than I've ever seen her. She went into the living room, grabbed the lamp and started swinging it like a bat against the furniture. Then she trashed the book shelf, pushing it over. We needed to restrain her several times." Steve pauses, thinking about the situation. "She's struggling with anger related to the abuse and everything with Cross. We called Jen. She said it's normal for a kid with PTSD to go through extreme anger outbursts, that it's part of healing, that it shows she's making progress." Steve lets out a long sigh. "It was hard to see her completely out of control like that, so upset. She's been so scared and now she's scared and angry." Steve sighs thinking about the rest of the morning, "We think she's hiding something but we don't know what that is yet. Nat wanted to keep her at the compound until we found out what's going on but then she took off, left the grounds. We found her about a mile down the road trying to come here."

"Trying to come here?" Clint chokes out surprised. "She doesn't even know where here is. She would still be walking a month from now. So how are you doing handling all of this?"

"I'm fine. It was a tough morning, that's all. It's nice to see her here with Lila, playing, wanting to be close and take care of her." Steve smiles, watching Jamie asleep holding Lila. "If you don't mind, I'm going to stay here too. I'm not sure if she will have another outburst again. With Lila being home and injured, I want to be able to pull her away to deal with it. I think Jamie would prefer for Lila to not see it too."

Clint chuckles, "I agree, Jamie would not be happy if Lila saw her upset. She started talking about wanting to live here but was freaked out by the idea of Lila and Cooper seeing her upset."

Steve wondered, "Anything else happen yesterday, we didn't get a chance to talk much other than having someone to hold her while we check her legs?"

"Well, she had a good start to the morning. Jamie and I made Laura breakfast together then surprised her with breakfast in bed, we all laid in our bed just talking and snuggling. It was wonderful," Clint coos, smiling at the memory. "Her and I talked quite a bit, she asked about my family and was heartbroken when I told her about my parents' and brother's deaths. She asked about how I handled things, asked if I ever thought about dying. I tried to stay calm so she wouldn't shut down but I was freaked out after that. Maybe that's why I wanted her to show me her legs. She was very upset about it. She was still struggling after lunch so I took her out to the lake, held her tight in a restraint which seemed to really help. She wanted me to hold her steady, I could feel her testing my hold a few times. She ended up talking to me about everything that was bothering her. Things went much better after that."

"Do you think it was helpful to have her here with you this week?" Steve inquires.

"Absolutely. She needs more than what we probably could give her with the other kids but maybe down the line, I could see her living here," Clint responds. "She started calling us 'Mom' and 'Dad.' It felt right."

"How did she do with a bedtime and chores?" Steve asks.

"Laura and I took turns asking her to do dishes and to go to bed. She obeyed every time without complaint. I don't expect that would continue long though, kids don't usually like those things but with it being new and normal she wanted to comply."

* * *

It takes only a moment for me to remember where I am and why, immediately checking to see if Lila is alright. "Hi kiddo," Clint whispers seeing that I'm awake. I get out of bed and go to Clint, sitting on his lap for a snuggle. "How are you doing?"

"I'm ok. I'm really happy that Lila is ok, I was worried."

"I know, Baby Girl. I really appreciate that you went home with Steve for me."

I don't respond except for a slight nod. I don't want to share that I felt like I didn't belong there anyway.

"I heard it was a tough morning."

My body stiffens at the memory.

"Want to talk about it?"

I look over at Lila, _I don't want to cause any problems for Clint._ I shake my head then return to snuggling.

"Are you sure? Lila is sleeping so she can't hear you."

"I'm not worried that she will be able to hear me. I just don't want to cause any problems."

"They're not problems," Clint admonishes.

I sigh, "I disagree. Everyone gets frustrated or upset, that sounds like a problem to me."

Clint comforts, "Well, it's not always easy but it's just part of healing so I don't like to think of them as problems."

I don't respond, choosing to enjoy the snuggle instead. Clint wraps his arms around me tighter, kissing the top of my head. "I love you baby girl."

"I love you too Dad."

I hear a noise in the hallway so I look up, seeing Steve standing there with a smile. He kneels down next to me in the doorway placing a kiss on my forehead. "How are you doing?"

"Ok," I respond flatly, returning to the snuggle with Clint.

"Are you hungry yet?" Steve asks.

I shake my head, not wanting to leave Clint.

Clint adds, "Laura will be coming up to sit with Lila in a bit so I can eat dinner. Want to join me?"

I nod. "Steve, are you coming to eat dinner then too?"

"Yeah, I think so. Is that alright?"

"Yes."

Steve rubs my head with a smile, "Sounds good."

A few minutes later, Laura comes upstairs. "You guys ready to eat?"

I nod with a slight sigh then get off of Clint's lap. We walk downstairs together in silence, I still feel a little upset with everything that happened.

The food isn't set up on the table, so I get in line between Clint and Steve, plating my food right from the baking dish. We all take seats around the table, Steve sitting across from me and Clint sitting next to me at the head of the table.

Steve tries to engage in small talk with me, "Did you have fun playing with Lila?"

I nod, smiling without making eye contact.

Steve continues to watch me, a little worried, "Hmm, you're not talking much, are you ok?"

I nod again. I don't know why but I don't feel like talking much. I return to eating my food so Steve doesn't ask again about talking.

Steve reminds me, "You promised to tell me if something's bothering you, remember?"

I nod, afraid to make eye contact and afraid to talk.

"Is something bothering you?"

I shake my head.

"It will be easier to help Lila if you take care of what's bothering you," Clint explains, knowing that caring for Lila is important to me.

I sigh, then look at Steve, "Can we go somewhere to talk?"

"Yeah, want to finish eating first or go now?"

"Now."

"You can head down to the lake, the golf cart is in the garage," Clint suggests.

"Ok, thanks."

Steve leads me through the garage to the golf cart then drives over to the lake. I remain quiet on the ride over, not wanting to start anything until Steve has me in a tight hold. I think Steve also wants to wait. The blanket is still in the golf cart so Steve sets it up on the grass, coincidentally in the same spot as when Clint brought me here. "Want me to hold you tight while we talk?" Steve questions.

I nod, relieved.

Steve sits on the blanket and opens his arms signaling me to take a seat on his lap. I comply.

Before starting to hold me, Steve reminds me that I am in control, "You can tell me to stop at any time. Ok?"

I nod.

I sit with my legs pulled up to my chest and my arms tucked in between my chest and legs. Steve wraps his arms around me, pinning my arms and my legs along my middle. Then, Steve wraps his leg around my ankles for more support.

"This ok?"

I push against Steve's hold, it's firm and strong. I nod, letting Steve know that it feels good.

"Alright kiddo, tell me about how you are feeling."

"I'm not thinking about anything. I just feel off. Sometimes that means I'm sad but sometimes it means I'm angry. I don't know how to tell the difference."

"Ok. How did you feel when you were playing with Lila?"

"I liked playing with her and being able to do something to help."

"Did she remind you of your sister?"

I nod, a few tears welling up along my eyes.

"Does that make you sad?"

I nod, sobs starting to ripple through me. Steve maintains his hold on me allowing me to let the emotions flow freely. _Lizzy, I'm so sorry._ I cry harder, thinking about my sister, dead, knowing I was the one who killed her. A grizzly scene runs through my mind: _Cross, 'kill her,' Mom and Lizzy, explosion, tripping over…over…_ "NO!" Steve releases me just in time, avoiding my vomit. Breathing heavy as if running fast and hard, my body shaking, the image of Lizzy scorched in my brain. My mind branded with the awful thing that I had done. _Lizzy's body…mangled_ , I vomit again. I hear Steve talking, but I don't know what he's saying. _I tripped over…over…_ Everything goes black.

I feel someone carrying me, running, shouting. Everything goes black again.

Someone is talking again. _What? Cross, Lizzy, tripping over…_


	74. Chapter 74

Chapter 74

Steve watches, seeing Jamie's facial expressions change as she experiences some unknown tragedy locked within her mind. The trip back to Clint's is taking forever. Dr. Strange will meet them there then transport them back to the compound. Steve isn't sure if Jamie should go to the infirmary or back to the living quarters but he knows that either way, he will be going back inside her mind; a thought that makes him feel ill.

When Steve pulls up to the house, Clint is waiting outside with Dr. Strange, unaware of what's going on. "Oh god, Jamie," Clint shrieks then runs over to the cart. "What happened?"

"She's lost in some memory but this is somehow worse, she vomited a couple times, mumbled something about tripping. I don't know."

Dr. Strange asserts, "Ok? Let's go," then opens a portal to the compound.

Clint starts to come along too, but Steve stops him. "Stay here with Lila. We've got Jamie."

Clint is torn between his two daughters but follows Steve's directive. "I'll call you later with an update," Steve consoles just as Dr. Strange closes the portal.

Bruce, Nat and Tony are on hand, ready to help when Dr. Strange and Steve arrive with Jamie who is still unconscious. Bruce directs, "Lay her down on the couch," then quickly does an exam, checking Jamie's pupils, heart, pulse and temperature. "She has a fever, probably psychosomatic. Somehow we have to get her to either release some pressure through training or to push out the traumatic memories."

Anxious, Steve roughly rubs his head, "Back inside her mind?"

Dr. Strange agrees, "Yes, we should attempt to go in."

Tony notices how much Steve is struggling with going into Jamie's memories. "I'll go in this time," Tony interjects before Steve volunteers, directing his attention to Dr. Strange, "Ready?"

"Tony," Steve vacillates, wanting to stop him but wanting to let him do this in his place.

"I've got this. Let's go, we're wasting time," Tony utters then moves to stand near Dr. Strange and Jamie.

Strange does the spell and both are transported into Jamie's memory of the horrific day her mother and sister were killed, which Tony recognizes immediately. Tony thinks for a moment, "Can I change my appearance here?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Ok, I'm going to play the part of ironman in her memory."

Surprised, Dr. Strange questions, "You were there that day?"

"Yes."

Instantaneously, Tony is wearing his ironman suit. Quickly adjusting to his new appearance, Tony sets off to look for Jamie, slowly walking through the debris spotting Jamie lying unconscious on her stomach about twenty feet from him. He watches, waiting for his turn to jump in. Jamie coughs then starts to move, slowly making her way to her hands and knees, head still down. She fearfully lifts her head looking around, trying to understand what happened. She coughs again, the smoke filling her lungs making it difficult to breathe. Jamie carefully stands to her feet, turning around, trying to get her bearings. She takes a few steps backwards, tripping over something. Tony notices the horrified look on Jamie's face so he moves closer to get a better look at what Jamie tripped over. Tony sees a small figure, covered in dirt and…blood. He takes a few steps closer then cries out…, "Her sister!" Tony drops to his hands and knees, opening his mask trying to breathe, his own body shaking at the image.

"What is it?" Dr. Strange asks from the sidelines.

Tony abruptly waves him off, "Stay back!"

Jamie quickly scurries away, as if seeing a ghost then stands, in a daze, the familiar glazed over look sets in. "Jamie," Tony whispers then swoops in to save her like he did in real life. Tony flies Jamie to the same far off field, her face mirroring his own memory of her from that day. With this being a memory, Dr. Strange is transported through the air as well still standing the same distance away from Tony and Jamie.

"Ok, how do we get her out of here?" Tony asks, urgency in his voice.

"We have to wait for the opening."

Within moments, everything goes black except for Dr. Strange, Tony and Jamie as if spotlights were shining on them. Tony, frantic with worry, pleads, "Jamie? Jamie, baby girl, are you with us? Jamie?"

Jamie slowly looks over at Tony without making eye contact. "She responded, now what?" Tony hollers, seeking guidance.

"Keep talking to her."

"Baby girl, I'm here. It's Tony, I'm here." Tony maintains his hold on her but changes out of his suit just as quickly as it appeared hoping that will help Jamie to feel safe. "Jamie, please, it's Tony." Jamie starts to drop to the ground but Tony is able to gently guide her to the ground, lowering himself as well so he can still hold her. "Jamie, can you hear me?" Jamie's eyes move slightly toward him. An image flashes next to them, Lila laying in the hospital bed then the image of her dead sister's face, a striking resemblance between the two images. Tony holds Jamie tighter, his own tears flowing freely for the both of them. "I'm so sorry baby girl. I'm so sorry." Tony gently rocks this girl, his daughter, trying to comfort her anyway he can, knowing that there is very little that can be done to ease this kind of pain and suffering.

Dr. Strange leans over, asking, "Jamie, honey, are you ready to go back now?"

Jamie's eyes move slightly, a stray tear falls down her cheek. "She's not going to be able to come out of this quick, is she?" Tony asks as more of a statement than a true question for he already knows the answer.

Dr. Strange looks down at Jamie's face, lightly touching her cheek, "No, she's relived the traumatic event that her mind was purposely trying to block. This one will take time."

"Jamie you won't have to talk or do anything, I just want to take you away from here. Will you come with us?" Tony implores, desperate to help.

Jamie looks over again at Tony, slightly turning her face inward toward his chest. "She's turning toward me, I think she's ready to leave."

Strange agrees with Tony's assessment, quickly emitting the reverse spell.

As soon as Tony is back, he goes to Jamie who is still lying on the couch. "Hi baby girl." Jamie looks over briefly at Tony then returns to staring. He partially picks up Jamie so he can reposition himself on the couch placing the girl, his girl, on his lap. Tony keeps Jamie wrapped in his arms, willing her to feel comforted, desperate to do something to help.

Dr. Strange turns to the others, "Let's talk in the meeting room." The team, eager to find out what's going on but wanting to stay with Jamie, hesitates before following Dr. Strange.

Once Bruce, Nat and Steve are seated, Strange begins, "I presume Jamie saw Clint's daughter in the hospital bed. The image of her brought up the image of Jamie's sister, right after the blast. When Jamie came to following the explosion, she tripped over…" Dr. Strange's breathing becomes ragged, he chokes back tears. After a brief pause to collect himself, he continues, "She tripped over her sister's…her sister's body. Jamie saw her, dead, her body…" Dr. Strange takes a few moments to recover but decides against any more details. "Her mind must have tried to block the image."

Everyone is silent, taking in the news. "Her picture, she drew wood. She was so upset about that piece of wood that she tripped over," Nat recalls.

"No wonder she completely lost it this morning and was so desperate to go back to Clint's. She wanted to be there for Lila, because it was too late for her sister," Steve murmurs, lost in his own memories.

"From what I understand, it took her a couple weeks to respond at all when this first happened, don't expect her to be able to come out of this quick. It will take time. Jen is aware of the mystical arts, you can talk to her about what happened," Dr. Strange explains then portals away needing time to recover.

The team continues to sit in silence, the awareness of Jamie's pain is unbearable. Bruce returns to the living room, his father hat replaced with his lab coat, carrying Jamie to her bed wanting her to be comfortable.

Bruce sets up a mock infirmary in Jamie's room so she can still be close, in her own room. With her fever still high, Bruce sets up IV fluids adding medication to reduce her fever. He adds oxygen knowing Jamie's history with swelling on her brain. The nurse is scheduled to visit Jamie in her bedroom as part of her normal rotations.

Tony, Nat and Steve take turns holding Jamie, positioning her to snuggle close but no one leaves in between turns.

Vision enters the room, "Excuse me sir, Clint is on the phone. He would like an update. He seems most irritated with the lack of response."

Steve sighs, not wanting to speak the words but knowing Clint is probably sick with worry. Unfortunately, the news won't bring comfort, just more anxiety. Steve kisses Jamie's forehead then makes his way to the phone allowing Bruce to take over holding Jamie.

"Hi Clint," Steve murmurs.

Clint snapped, frustrated, "Hey, it's been hours, no one has called, what is going on?"

Steve's somber silence continues, causing Clint to be alarmed, "Steve!"

"Seeing Lila in the hospital brought up a memory. The day Cross…the day her mother and sister…Jamie had the memory blocked, she remembered it as a piece of wood…" Steve pauses, the words getting stuck and jumbled then starts over. "Jamie tripped over her sister's body, her picture, she drew a piece of wood, but it was her sister. Seeing Lila, I don't know, she remembered."

Clint is quiet for a few minutes taking in the awful news. "How…how is she?"

"Not talking, barely moving, like she was in the hospital before she came. Her outburst today, her desperately wanting to be with Lila, she was dealing with this memory starting to come through." The phone is silent, both men dealing with Jamie's situation. "Bruce set up her room with medical equipment so she can stay in her room instead of being in the infirmary."

"I'm coming."

"Clint, there's nothing to do here. Stay with Lila."

"Dammit!" Clint yells. Laura is heard in the background. "I need to talk to Laura, let her know what's going on. I'll be in touch. Let me know if there's any change."

"Ok."

Steve hangs up the phone. The day, wearing heavy on his heart, Steve begins to cry. Several minutes go by but Steve pulls himself together, having a clearer mind, ready to care for his daughter.

Steve returns to the room, asking for a turn with Jamie. Once snuggled in, Steve begins to talk to Jamie, "Hi baby girl. I'm back. I just talked to Clint. Lila is doing better. I told him that you're struggling right now. He misses you and wants you to feel better." Steve feels Jamie move, which Steve accepts as a sign that she is listening. "Lila loved playing horses with you. Your idea to put Brownie in time out was genius. That really helped Lila to feel better about what happened with her accident. It was so nice of you to play with her and to snuggle her while she slept. She needed a big sister to take care of her." Jamie starts to cry, her tears falling on Steve's shirt. Steve hugs Jamie tight, kissing her on the top of her head. "You are the most wonderful girl, Jamie." Jamie continues to cry without making noise or moving. Steve just holds her, stroking her hair and kissing the top of her head. The others watch, their own tears falling freely. No one mentions the memory, only loving words and touches. Jamie accepts them, allowing their love to wash over her. After about a half hour, Jamie falls asleep.

Clint arrives later that evening, first staying with Lila until she fell asleep for the night. Clint enters Jamie's room seeing her asleep on Steve's chest. Clint has clearly been crying, upset for Jamie, guilt for allowing Jamie to see Lila trying to take root. "Any change?"

"She cried some earlier but didn't talk or move. She was able to fall asleep," Steve replies, trying to be hopeful.

Bruce changes her IV, doing a quick check of Jamie's temperature. "She still has a slight fever but it's definitely better than earlier." Bruce takes a moment to rub Jamie's forehead, before placing a gentle kiss on the same spot.

Nat is sitting next to Tony both in a daze, clearly exhausted from the day. Clint says to everyone, "I can take over for a while. You should get some rest." Tony and Nat take Clint up on his offer with the promise to let them know if anything changes. Steve gives up his spot next to Jamie for Clint but retires to the recliner instead of his bed.

With the shuffling, Jamie opens her eyes, looking over at Clint with the slightest hint of a smile then goes back to sleep.

Jamie bolts up in bed, screaming, tears streaming down her cheeks in torrents. Clint, who was lightly sleeping holding her, responds quickly, turning on the bedside lamp, moving to be in front of her so she can see him, softly talking to her. "You're ok, baby girl. I'm here with you." Clint gently touches Jamie's arms right under her shoulders, she flinches and starts to cry. Jamie stares straight ahead, as if looking at something that wasn't there.

Steve, Tony and Bruce run into the room, having heard Jamie scream. They are all still in daytime clothes, they likely never went to bed. Clint urgently shares what happened with the team, "She screamed but hasn't said anything."

Bruce comes over to check on Jamie. "The fever is back, it's pretty high. We need to try to cool her down. We don't have a tub, um, maybe some towels, dip them in cold water, but only wring them out enough so they aren't dripping." Bruce removes Jamie's socks then lifts up her shirt a few inches, his heart sinks, "I know what she was hiding."

Everyone looks over, seeing the dozens of cuts on her stomach. They all cringe. Tony and Steve turn away; Clint redirects his attention to Jamie's face, kissing her forehead; Bruce examines the cuts closer. "None of them are deep, we should clean them and put antibiotic ointment on them when we make progress on getting her temperature down."

Tony and Steve return to gathering the cold water and a few towels, wringing them out as instructed. Bruce lays the cold, wet towels on Jamie. She yelps from the sudden cold on her body. Bruce consoles her, "I know it's cold baby girl, but we have to bring down your temperature."

Jamie shivers, but continues staring. Blood begins to run from her nose. "Dammit, the protective layer," Clint utters.

"Should we push the button or take her to my lab?" Tony proposes urgently.

"Let's take her to the lab, she may be able to release some of the pressure," Bruce explains to the team then attempts to talk to her, "Jamie, we are going to take you to Tony's lab, you need to push on the protective layer to try to release some of the pressure, it should help you to feel better. But wait until we get to Tony's lab."

Steve carries Jamie to the lab, Bruce and Tony following close behind helping to open doors. Clint goes to get Nat so she knows what's happening as well then both met up with the others already in the lab. Steve puts Jamie down, sitting up against the wall.

"Jamie…," Steve comforts putting both of his hands along Jamie's arms just below her shoulders, "…start to push against the layer." Nothing happens, Jamie continues to stare, fresh blood coming from her nose. Steve talks louder with urgency, slightly shaking her, "Jamie! Jamie, you need to push against the protective layer, right now!" Jamie's eyes move slightly, then a few tears fall.

Understanding hits Clint like a freight train, "She doesn't want to."

"What? What do you mean?" Tony frets with confusion.

"She wants to die," Clint explains. "She's wants her mind to kill her."

Clint moves closer to Jamie, wrapping his arms around her, cradling her head against his shoulder. "Don't do this. I need you, we all do." Clint pulls away, moving his hands to cup Jamie's face, "Lila told me that you're the best big sister ever. She will be devastated if you die. Yes, you lost your family, you lost Lizzy, but now you have us, you have Lila, your new little sister." Jamie starts to cry, shaking her head. "Lila needs you. You have to fight this. Jamie…please…don't do this to us, please." Tears are flowing down Clint's cheeks, desperation in his voice. "I love you baby girl, please don't do this."

Jamie sobs, falling into Clint's arms, her body shaking as the sobs overtake her small frame. The wind comes, stirring up papers and light objects. The force of the wind increases as her sobs intensify. Jamie lets it all go-fear, shame, guilt, sadness-through the power of her mind. She collapses, losing consciousness as the small device in her head shuts down a full-scale explosion.


	75. Chapter 75

Chapter 75

Nat holds Jamie while Bruce runs through his regular medical check-up. Bruce keeps Jamie on a regular schedule of IV fluids and feedings, keeping a close eye on symptoms related to swelling or bleeding on her brain.

Clint, Tony, and Steve talk in the kitchen, waiting for Bruce to finish. "It's been almost two weeks, she still isn't talking, she's barely moving. There has got to be more we can do," Tony complains, full of concern and sadness.

"Jen said she will come out of it when her mind is ready," Steve consoles, trying to convince himself just as much as Tony.

Clint adds, "She chose to exercise her mind, releasing some of the pressure, that counts for something. She made a choice to try to get better." Clint smiles thinking about Lila, "Lila has been begging me to bring her here to see Jamie. How mad do you think Jamie will be if I bring her in?"

Tony chuckles. Steve thinks for a moment then ponders, "Maybe you should."

"You're kidding, right. Jamie would be furious and Clint, would Lila be upset if she saw Jamie like that?" Tony challenges.

"Jamie would be furious, maybe furious enough to talk," Steve responds a spark of hope igniting in his heart.

"I think I could prepare Lila. She already knows that Jamie isn't feeling well. She doesn't need to know why. I think Jamie would respond to her," Clint opines, also feeling the spark of hope, the first in almost two weeks.

"And what if it doesn't help, what if it makes things worse. What if Lila is devastated that Jamie didn't acknowledge her or worse, if Jamie hurts her?" Tony retorts, angry now that the risky move is still being considered. "Maybe you should have Laura take a look at Jamie, let her decide if it would be safe for Lila."

"That's a good idea, I'll call her right now," Clint agrees, pulling out his phone.

"This is insanity," Tony hisses under his breath.

Bruce returns a few minutes later, "Nat needs a few more minutes to finish up the with..." Bruce's update is abruptly cut off when he notices the tension, "…What's going on?"

Tony growls then walks away, leaving the kitchen. Bruce looks over at Steve and Clint for an explanation, which Clint offers with a smile, "I'm thinking about bringing Lila over to visit with Jamie. She has been begging me to bring her ever since I told her that she wasn't feeling well. She wants to take care of her sister the way Jamie took care of her. Honestly, I think Lila's the only one who can reach her right now. What do you think?"

"Oh boy…that's…I don't know. Jamie probably wouldn't want Lila here seeing this and Lila may not be able to handle seeing Jamie like this. I have trouble seeing Jamie like this," Bruce quivers.

"I feel confident that I can prepare Lila. The wild card is if Jamie rages afterward. I may need to pull Lila out quickly, maybe have Laura here too, just in case Jamie is aggressive," Clint responds thoughtfully.

"I don't know. I think Jamie will come out of this on her own, she did the first time. I'm not sure it's worth the risk to Lila."

"The risk…," Clint whispers thinking back to a conversation with Jamie, "…when Jamie was at our house, she asked me if I was worried about sending Lila and Cooper to camp. I explained to her that the benefits outweighed the risks and there were precautions in place-background checks, rules. I think the benefits outweigh the risks with precautions in place in this circumstance," Clint explains. "I'll check with Laura, she what she thinks." Clint promptly exits the room to call Laura.

Bruce looks over at Steve, "Are you really on board with this?"

"I admit, I've got some concerns but if Clint thinks he can keep Lila safe then maybe it is worth the risk. Bruce," Steve sighs, "…maybe I'm being selfish here but I can't stand this. I can't stand seeing her like this. Not even two weeks ago, she was prepared to die."

"What if it makes her worse? What if seeing someone that reminds her of her sister is too much for her?" Bruce retorts. "Maybe we should ask Jen."

Steve nods, "I'll give her a call."

"Ok, I'm going to check on Nat and Jamie." Bruce knocks on the wall just outside of Jamie's room, "All done in there?"

"Yeah, come on in."

"How's she doing, Nat?"

"The same, her cuts are nearly healed, all but the few that were deeper. Maybe we should have done stitches," Nat murmurs looking at Jamie, wiping a few stray strands of hair from her face, straightening her covers.

Seeing Nat's uncharacteristic behavior, Bruce comforts her, "She will be ok."

Nat nods, holding back tears, "Yeah, I know."

Maintaining his focus on Nat, Bruce sits down on the bed, reaching over to hold her hand. Nat begins to sob, "I just love her so much. It hurts to see her like this."

Bruce lowers his head, feeling the same pain. "Clint is thinking about bringing Lila, maybe she can help bring her out of this."

Nat nods in agreement, eager for something that might help, "Yes, she might. Jamie loves her and wants to protect her, caring for her sister was a big part of who she was. Maybe she needs to feel that again. It seemed like caring for Lila helped at least in the moment."

Steve enters Jamie's room. "How's she doing?"

"No change. Lila should come," Nat offers her vote, taking Steve off guard.

"Clint is talking to Laura now. They are the ones who really have to make this choice. Seeing Jamie like this could hurt Lila if Jamie rejects her or is aggressive. It's a gamble."

Jamie stirs, possibly in another bad dream. "We need to do something," Nat exclaims, fresh tears falling while watching Jamie hurting.

"Let me take her for a while," Steve consoles, already moving without giving Nat the opportunity to refuse. Nat carefully lifts Jamie up, letting Steve slide in to take over.

Steve snuggles close to Jamie, talking to her, trying to help her through the dream. Jamie suddenly bolts upright, breathing heavy, shaking. "I'm here baby girl, I'm here," Steve says without touching her knowing that could make things worse.

Jamie turns to look at who's talking, her eyes still wide with fear. Once she sees Steve, Jamie leans in closer letting Steve know she wants him to hold her. He repositions her back into the snuggle, holding her tight against him, laying his cheek on her forehead. Steve is happy to see that Jamie is aware of him, even though she still isn't talking. "I love you, baby girl. I want you to talk to me when you're ready." Steve cradles Jamie's head, kissing the top of her head.

Clint enters Jamie's room, pausing when seeing her awake, then takes a seat on the side of the bed almost touching knees with Steve. Clint puts his hand on the girl's shoulder then, when she looks at him, Clint touches the side of her face. "Hi baby girl. It's wonderful to see those beautiful blue eyes," Clint says while brushing a few stray strands of hair that were covering her eyes. "Laura wanted me to tell you hi and that she loves you. She wants to visit you. Would that be alright?"

Jamie nods.

Clint and Steve look at each other, surprised that Jamie responded. Clint smiles at his daughter feeling the spark of hope grow. With this recent development, Clint decides to try mentioning Lila, "Thank you for helping Lila when she got hurt. She really loved that you played with her and snuggled her. She hasn't been able to stop talking about you. She really misses her big sister." Clint pauses to gauge Jamie's reaction. Her facial features don't change. "Jamie?" Clint makes sure Jamie is listening. Jamie looks over at him, no emotion on her face. "Would you like Lila to visit, too? She wants to help take care of you just like you helped take care of her." Jamie doesn't respond; however, Clint is happy that she didn't have an aversive reaction to the question.

Clint and Steve share a look, then Clint leaves the room to find Tony, Bruce and Nat.

"I'm not sure this is a good idea," Bruce reasons.

Clint remarks, "I mentioned Lila coming, Jamie didn't have a negative reaction."

Flabbergasted, Tony retorts, "But she didn't have a positive reaction either, right? For Christ's sake, you're willing to put Lila in danger because it might help Jamie!"

"I don't think she will be in danger. Jamie is always extra careful around the kids and Laura and I will be there too and anyone else who wants can be there," Clint responds. "I actually believe that this will help Jamie to feel more like she's a part of the family, able to lean on her siblings as well as us."

Nat appeals to the team, "I think we should do it. Even if there's only a small chance that it will help, I think we should let them try. She's absolutely stuck in this, I can't stand seeing her suffer."

"Well, she's your daughter, if you're ok with the risk then who am I to argue," Tony scoffs.

"Yes, Lila's my daughter and so is Jamie. I don't want either to be hurting. I want to do this," Clint exclaims determined now to make this happen.

Clint leaves the room to begin to make plans to bring Laura and Lila to the compound.


	76. Chapter 76

Chapter 76

Clint returns to the compound after dinner, with Laura and Lila. Clint and Laura spent time talking to Lila preparing her to see Jamie, explaining that she does not feel well and that she may be crying. They told Lila that if Jamie gets too upset that they will leave, which made Lila all the more determined to make Jamie feel better.

Clint and Laura enter Jamie's room first. Steve is holding Jamie but moves so Clint and Laura can spend some time with her. Clint takes Steve's spot snuggling while Laura sits along the edge of the bed, rubbing Jamie's shoulder and stroking her hair. "Hi. How are you feeling?" Laura asks, a few tears running down her own cheeks as she observes Jamie's pain.

Jamie looks over at Laura then begins to cry. Laura quickly responds with more affection. Jamie sits up moving closer to her new mom who brings Jamie into a hug, rubbing her back and kissing her head. "I love you so much, my Little Honey." Laura continues the hug until Jamie begins to pull away. "Lila also came to see you. Can she come in?" Jamie doesn't respond either way so they decide to go ahead and bring her in.

A few minutes later, Nat enters the room with Lila. Lila cautiously walks over to Jamie. "Daddy said that you don't feel well." Jamie looks over but doesn't respond. Lila looks at her dad for reassurance. Clint nods so Lila continues. "Thanks for playing horses with me when I got hurt. I really liked that you came to visit me." Lila decides to climb up on the bed with Jamie, lying down next to her so their faces are no more than a foot apart. Lila puts her hand on Jamie's hand and says, "How about we just snuggle together?" Jamie nods so Lila puts her hand on Jamie's back just like Jamie did when she was hurt. Both girls fall asleep snuggling each other.

Laura watches her daughters, "They are so precious together." Clint wraps his arms around his wife, kissing her cheek.

Steve, Tony and Bruce check in to see how things are going with Lila. They are moved watching the two girls sleeping together, snuggling. "I don't know if this will help her to talk again or not but Jamie at least seems to be sleeping peacefully," Bruce beams.

Tony is smiling, happy to see Jamie and Lila snuggling together. "Good call, Clint." Clint silently smirks, remembering how much Tony argued against this visit.

"Let's let the girls sleep," Laura says ushering everyone out of the room.

"I'll stay in here tonight. Laura how about you sleep in my room," Clint offers.

Laura kisses her husband goodnight then places a gentle kiss on both girls.

The next morning, Laura comes into Jamie's room, surprised to see the girls sitting up on Jamie's bed. Lila is showing off her new reading skills and Jamie is helping with a few words that Lila doesn't know. Smiling, Laura looks over at Clint whose smile is glowing. "Good morning girls," Laura coos then makes her way over to them to give morning kisses. Jamie doesn't respond but appears to be getting better.

"Are you ready for breakfast?" Clint asks both girls, hoping Jamie will come too.

"Yeah!" Lila says then looks over at Jamie, "Are you coming to eat breakfast too, Jamie?" Jamie shakes her head then Lila responds for her, "Jamie's not hungry yet and she doesn't want to go to the kitchen right now, maybe later." Lila gets out of bed then follows her mom to the kitchen.

Clint sits down on Jamie's bed to snuggle and hopefully chat. "Did you like having Lila visit?"

Jamie nods.

"Lila said that you don't want to go to the kitchen right now, is that right?"

Jamie nods.

"Would you like me to bring you some breakfast, maybe a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch?"

Jamie nods.

Clint smiles then calls for Nat to come to the room so he can gather up stuff for breakfast. Nat sits with Jamie on the bed. "How are you feeling this morning?"

Jamie looks down slightly then nods. Nat attempts to put Jamie's movements into words, "So you're feeling a little better but not ready to talk yet?"

Jamie nods.

Nat holds Jamie tight. "I'm so happy you are starting to feel better. I love you so much."

Clint returns with two bowls of cereal, handing Jamie one of them. Jamie eats most of her bowl of cereal then looks up at the IVs, then to her arm where the port is still in her arm. Jamie holds out her arm toward Clint. "Do you want that taken out?" Clint asks after following her gaze from the IV bags to her arm.

Jamie nods.

"When we're done eating, I'll get Bruce, ok?"

Jamie nods.

Lila comes back after about ten minutes, having eaten her breakfast. "Jamie, Steve said there's a game room here, want to go play?" Lila says excitedly.

Jamie holds up her arm showing Lila that she can't.

Lila looks at her dad, "Jamie wants to go but she can't cause of that." Lila points at the needle in Jamie's arm.

Clint chuckles, "I'll let Bruce know that she needs it taken out."

Lila smiles, "Hurry up, Dad."

Clint chuckles again then calls for Bruce over coms. Bruce enters the room, assessing what's going on. "What's up?"

Lila responds, "Jamie wants to go to the game room but she can't cause of that thing." Lila again points to the needle in Jamie's arm.

Bruce looks over at Clint for more information. "Jamie ate breakfast. She would like the IV port removed."

Bruce sits next to Jamie on the bed. "I think we should leave the port in but I can disconnect the IVs and wrap your arm. Then you can go to the game room."

Jamie looks down. Lila offers the translation, "Jamie really wanted it taken out."

Bruce looks over at Clint, "Maybe you guys can meet Jamie there."

Clint nods then ushers Lila out of the room so Bruce can talk to Jamie.

Bruce returns his attention to Jamie, "We need to leave it in for now. You might need more later and I don't want to have to stick you again with a needle. You can still go do whatever you want with the port left in."

Jamie starts to cry. "What's wrong?" Bruce asks.

Steve enters the room, at Clint's suggestion, to help. Bruce provides a brief synopsis of what's going on, "She wants the IV out but I want her to keep the port just in case we need it later. I could restart an IV it just means another needle. She should be hydrated enough now that we could restart one easy enough. My suggestion was to wrap her arm so she can go play with Lila."

"Are you ok with having a new IV started later if needed?" Steve asks.

Jamie nods, then her and Steve looks over at Bruce for his decision.

Bruce sighs, "Ok, I'll take it out."

Jamie exhales as if she was holding her breath. Steve notices the intense response. "Jamie, is something bothering you?"

Jamie holds out her arm, indicating she wants the port removed, her cheeks are red with anger. Steve continues probing, "Are you angry?"

Jamie nods, shaking her arm some, essentially asking for the port to be removed, clearly angry. Steve puts his hands along Jamie's forearm partially covering the port. "Can you tell me why you're so angry?"

Jamie shakes her head, keeping her arm out. Steve hesitates then asks Bruce to remove the port.

Bruce complies, removing the port, putting a bandage on the spot where the needle went into her arm. Jamie calms down quickly. Steve doesn't feel comfortable letting that be the end, afraid that she will hurt herself or someone else. "I want to hold you tight for a little while but you can tell me to stop, ok?"

Jamie nods.

Steve positions himself on Jamie's bed so he is sitting directly behind her. Jamie pulls her knees up to her chest knowing the position well. Steve wraps his arms around Jamie tightly and brings his leg around to put resistance on her ankles. "Is this ok?"

Jamie nods, then lays her head down on her knees. Steve feels Jamie pushing against his hold. "Do you want me to let go?"

Jamie shakes her head.

After several minutes, Jamie lifts her head up. "Feeling better?"

Jamie nods.

"Are you ready for me to let go?"

Jamie nods again.

"Ok, I'm going to let you go now," Steve says then slowly let's go of his hold. Jamie turns around part way then lays her head against Steve's chest. Steve moves into a hug, kissing the top of Jamie's head. "Are you ready to go play with Lila now?"

Jamie nods then moves away from Steve to stand up. They walk to the game room where Clint, Laura and Lila are playing. As soon as Lila spots Jamie, she runs over to give her a hug. "Ready to play?"

Jamie nods.

Lila shows Jamie all of her favorite games. They both play, sometimes against each other in competition but mostly side-by-side. Jamie doesn't say anything the entire time but she is up, moving around, playing. Everyone is in the game room either watching or playing but all are observing Jamie closely. After a while Clint says, "Lila, it's time to go home now."

"No Daddy, Jamie needs me to stay."

"I think Jamie will keep getting better," Steve says to the pouting girl. "Thanks so much for coming to visit."

Lila turns to Jamie, "I have to leave now. I hope you get better real quick so you can come to my house." Lila gives Jamie a big hug. "I love having a big sister." Jamie hugs back, a few tears falling.

Laura lines up for a hug next. When Lila and Jamie finish their hug, Laura says, "I love you so much. It's wonderful to see you playing." Jamie wraps her arms around Laura, crying. Laura kisses Jamie on the top of her head a few times, but Jamie's crying intensifies. Steve comes over kneeling next to Jamie, "Jamie…come here," Steve says then opens his arms. Jamie goes to him allowing Steve to pick her up, carrying her back to the living room.

Steve positions Jamie so she can sit on his lap. "What's wrong?"

Jamie shakes her head.

"Can you talk about it?"

Jamie shakes her head again.

"Are you sad that Lila and Laura left?"

Jamie nods.

"Sounds like it helped to have Lila here spending time with you. I bet they are starting to feel like your mom and sister."

Jamie nods.

"Is that why you're so sad right now, because they are leaving?"

Jamie doesn't respond.

"There's more to it?"

Jamie shrugs her shoulders.

Steve maintains his hold on Jamie, stroking her hair. "Tell me about it when you're ready?"

Jamie remains silent, soaking up Steve's love and attention. He tries to hide his frustration over Jamie's silence but knows that she will talk again when she's ready, pressure to talk right now won't help and may cause her to regress again.

Tony enters the living room, sitting down on the coffee table in front of Jamie. "How's it going, kiddo?"

Jamie shrugs.

"Can I hold you for a while?"

Jamie nods.

Tony picks Jamie up from Steve's lap and places her on his own, replicating the position she was just in with Steve. "Pepper asked me about you. I told her things are tough right now. She wants to come visit. I told her maybe some other time unless you want her to come."

Jamie shakes her head.

"Yeah, I didn't think now was the best time either. She has a present for you that she's super excited to give to you."

Jamie sits up and looks at Tony.

Tony chuckles, "I guess that got your attention. Well, no matter how much you beg, I won't tell you what it is. You will have to wait until you see Pepper next."

Jamie gives Tony a sideways glance. Tony fakes outrage, "No, stop begging. I won't crack." Jamie smiles then puts her head back on Tony's chest. "I love you kiddo," Tony gushes, breathing in deeply then exhaling in relief, enjoying the snuggle just as much as Jamie, maybe more. "Are you ready for lunch?"

Jamie shakes her head.

"Ok, I'll ask again in a little while. Do you need a stomach pill?"

Jamie shakes her head.

"Ok. Peter's on campus this weekend. He asked if he could come see you. Would that be alright?"

Jamie sits up again but keeps her head down.

"Is that a cautious 'yes?'"

Jamie nods.

"Peter knows that you're struggling right now. You won't have to talk or anything, he just wants to hang out with you. Maybe he can join us for dinner then you two can watch a movie together."

Jamie nods.

"I will let Peter know." Tony squeezes a little as a hug within a snuggle.

"What would you like to do now? We could play catch outside, you can watch us train, I could show you my work—"

Jamie sits up quickly, cutting Tony off, and nods. "You want to see my work?"

Jamie nods again.

Tony smiles brightly excited to show off his workshop, happy to spend time with his daughter, and relieved that she is doing better, "Ok, let's go."


	77. Chapter 77

Chapter 77

Jamie holds Tony's hand while they walk to his lab. Tony leads the duo to a separate area off of his main lab where he works on new prototypes of his ironman suits. "I don't let just anyone in here, but you are special," Tony says, kissing Jamie's forehead. Tony proceeds to show Jamie new features that he's working on including several failures that incites hearty laughter. "Would you like to try a suit?"

Jamie looks at Tony in surprise then nods.

"Come here, step up inside," Jamie complies carefully stepping in backwards onto blocks that Tony added to account for the height difference. "Alright good, now put your arms in here," again Jamie complies. Once inside, Tony gives a command and the suit closes bringing FRIDAY online.

Jamie squeals in excitement seeing the control panel come alive and being to talk. "Hello, Jamie. I see Mr. Stark is showing you his suits. What would you like to do?"

Jamie remains quiet so Tony interacts with the suit for her. "FRIDAY, how about you take Jamie for a little spin around the room, full auto-pilot."

The suit begins to lift off of the ground and fly around the room, not too fast, just a gentle spin around the perimeter of the ceiling. Then after a few cycles, the suit returns to the original spot. "I hope you enjoyed the suit," FRIDAY chirps through the helmet. The suit opens as if a fancy door. Jamie is smiling, reaching for Tony to help her out of the suit.

"Did you like that?"

Jamie nods enthusiastically.

"I'm making a suit for you. It's almost ready."

Jamie looks over surprised.

"Yeah, really," Tony answered as if Jamie had said something. "It won't have all the bells and whistles but it will be able to find you wherever you are so if you need help, you can push a button and it'll come to you. You can get in the suit and it will protect you, bring you back home or wherever you need to go to be safe." Jamie looks over at the suit, lightly touching it, taking in the news of Tony's gift. "I like my suits to be red, with gold or silver. What color do you want?" Jamie looks at Tony, wanting to say but can't make her mouth work. "Purple maybe?" Tony offers.

Jamie smiles and nods then wraps Tony in a hug. Tony notices that Jamie is shaking some but is clearly happy too.

Tony and Jamie go upstairs to the kitchen for dinner. Peter is already there, talking excitedly to Steve but stops suddenly when Jamie enters the room. "Hi Jamie. Wow, it's been so long since I've seen you. How have you been?"

Jamie remains silent but looks up at Tony. "Peter, Jamie's not really into talking right now. Keep it to yes or no questions."

"Oh, ok, I will Mr. Stark."

"Well, go have a seat at the table," Tony says to both Peter and Jamie.

Nat brings over a big pot of spaghetti and meatballs. Everyone takes a large helping of pasta and meatballs, except Jamie who takes very little and eats even less. Steve and Bruce notice, sharing a glance with each other, questioning their decision to remove the IV port. No one addresses it. Bruce feels ok letting Jamie not eat today since she had regular nutrition while connected to the IV over the past two weeks but plans to address it tomorrow if she doesn't consume at least breakfast or lunch.

Conversation primarily happens around Jamie, with a few yes or no questions added from time to time. Once everyone is done eating, Tony sets up a currently-in-theaters movie for Peter and Jamie. Having learned his lesson last time, Tony remains in the living room with Jamie, sitting back along the wall, giving the façade of normal teenager stuff.

"Well, thanks for letting me come over. It was great getting to see you. I hope you start to feel better soon. Bye, Jamie, bye Mr. Stark," Peter says then leaves the room.

Tony joins Jamie on the couch, "Was that ok, hanging out with Peter?"

Jamie nods but starts to get up.

"Where are you going?" Tony asks.

Jamie stomps her foot and growls. Tony immediately leaves the couch and moves to be in front of her to block. "What's going on?"

Jamie points to her room. "You want to go to your room?"

Jamie nods still angry that she was stopped.

"Ok, it's late. You can go to bed now." Tony calls the team over coms, "Jamie wants to go to bed." Jamie turns and continues to walk toward her room, "Jamie wait."

Jamie doesn't respond. Tony runs to meet up with her and says with a firm tone, "I said to wait."

Jamie pushes Tony to get him out of the way but he uses this momentum to pull Jamie into a restraint. Jamie begins to kick her legs, bucking her torso around to try to get free from Tony's hold. Steve, Nat and Bruce come running from around the corner to jump in to help subdue Jamie. With help holding Jamie's legs, Tony is able to lower her to the ground putting his back against the wall for added support. Jamie is still fighting the hold but not as hard.

When Jamie calms down, Steve says, "Are you ready to go to your room now with one of us?"

Jamie nods so the team slowly loosens the restraint. When she is able, Jamie stands up and walks to her room. Nat follows to make sure Jamie is safe. Steve checks in with Tony, "What happened?"

"She tried to go to her room alone, I asked her to stop, she didn't. Then when I talked to everyone on coms, she tried to push me so I pulled her into a restraint. I don't know, sometimes she absolutely hates being told to do or not to do something."

Steve nods then says with some sarcasm, "Yeah, I've picked up on that too."

The team stays close while Jamie gets ready for bed, vigilant given the possibility of another crisis. Steve and Nat stay in her room with Steve snuggling her in bed and Nat sitting at the foot of the bed rubbing Jamie's leg. It isn't long before Jamie is asleep.

The image of my dad right before I explode, replays in my dreams over and over. He gets mad at me for not sitting or talking, he takes me to the garage, the boy walks by, my mind explodes. I see Lizzy dead, my dad dead. "Daddy!" I scream as I bolt upright in bed.

"I'm here, I'm here."

"Daddy?" I cry, hoping it's Daddy.

"It's Steve, baby girl, I'm here."

"No, I want Daddy," I say crying, curling up on my bed.

Steve wraps his arms around me, comforting me as I mourn again the loss of my father, this year is especially bad with everything else that happened, with learning it was my fault.

"Today's the anniversary of your father's death."

I nod, crying harder.

"I'm so sorry, baby girl. Is that why you were upset last night?"

I nod.

"Can I snuggle with you?"

I nod then move over so Steve can lie next to me. Once he is in position, I lay my head on his chest, holding my bear. I continue to cry for a long time, missing my dad but grateful for Steve who is my new dad. "Thank you."

"For what baby girl?"

"For being my new dad and for loving me even when I do really awful things."

Steve squeezes tighter, kissing the top of my head. "I love you so much. And, you don't do awful things, I understand why, ok?"

I nod, but know he's just trying to be nice, those are awful things.

I'm not able to fall back asleep. The early morning light is starting to shine into my room.

Steve says, "Ready to get up?"

"No."

"Just so you know, I'm not going to let you spend the day in your room. You have to be with us."

"Please, don't, not today," I beg, crying harder.

"We were already planning for this day, knowing it might be hard for you. We want to take you to a Yankees game this evening. Clint wants to play outside with you, Tony and Bruce want to show you some stuff in their labs, and I want to take you out for ice cream, or we could all play in the pool. We have a full day planned of dad activities, if you want; we won't make you do any of those things."

"That…that sounds wonderful," I say then fall back into the snuggle, crying again both missing my father and loving my new ones. This time I fall back asleep, feeling loved.

 **A/N:**

 **Hi all! I love the feedback. Keep it coming. We are heading into the last quarter of the story. I am working on another story too that continues Jamie in my AU as well as a one-shot of the team's reaction when Tony first brings up becoming Jamie's guardians. Any ideas?**


	78. Chapter 78

Chapter 78

"Jamie, wake up kiddo," Clint says gently rubbing my back. When my eyes open Clint grins, "I brought breakfast."

I sit up, rubbing my eyes. _I definitely didn't get enough sleep last night._

"Good morning baby girl," Clint says handing me my bowl of cereal then joining me on the bed with his own bowl. I'm not sure if I want to talk right now so I smile and nod. "I thought that we could play catch after breakfast, maybe do some shooting, sound good?"

I nod and smile.

Nat comes in my room to help with bathroom essentials. I really don't want to ruin the day so I try extra hard not to get upset. They still let me close and lock the door but Nat stands guard right outside the door, checking in with me every thirty seconds or so. She also wants me to give her a breakdown of what I'm going to do in the bathroom. I think that helps her plan when there might be a problem. I haven't showered much over the past week so I plan to shower this morning even though we will be getting sweaty outside and probably swim later. Nat still asks to see my legs and now my stomach so the new routine is for Hulk to hold me while Nat checks my body for new cuts. I still cry every time, feeling violated but I guess I know it's important and that they are trying to help me. I double checked my sweatshirt pocket. So far, they haven't found the piece of glass so I feel better knowing it's there if I need it.

Once we're finished, I meet Clint in the living room, still not talking but I'm happy to have this special day. We stop at the lockers first to gather our softball gloves, balls and a bat just in case then make our way to the grassy area where we typically play and take up our usual spots. Clint and I throw the ball back and forth then Clint throws pop-ups and ground balls to me to field. He would definitely make a good softball coach. He also hits some ground balls to me to make fielding a little harder and more fun. Steve is smiling watching us play. When I notice him, I point to Clint's abandoned glove while looking at Steve. Steve asks, "Do you want me to play too?"

I nod. When Steve picks up the glove, I point to where I want him to stand. Steve complies. Clint hits a grounder to me to field then I throw it to Steve.

Catching on to what I want, Steve says, "Oh, I get it, you want me to play first base."

I nod and smile.

We play, the three of us, until Nat brings out lunch. She made some sandwiches and brought bottles of water and a bag of chips. The four of us eat lunch together on a blanket that Nat also thought to bring. I love the time I have with them all, but on this day, I miss my father and I'm angry that I am the one who hurt him and I'm angry at the boy who started all of this.

"Are you ok, kiddo?" Nat asks seeing the emotions cross my face.

I nod, then take another bite of my sandwich. They don't ask me to talk, knowing that I probably won't I presume, but also maybe they don't want my dad day ruined.

When we finish eating, Steve asks, "Ready for some ice cream?"

I nod, smiling that I get to go somewhere with Steve. Clint and Nat say that they will clean up so Steve and I go directly to his car. We drive for about twenty minutes until we come to a little ice cream shop. They have a few picnic tables outside along the side of the building and a grassy area in the back. Steve asks while looking at the menu, "Know what you want?"

I nod but I don't want to talk right now. So, Steve decides to guess, "Chocolate ice cream in a cone…with sprinkles?"

I nod and smile. Perfect.

We take our ice cream and sit side-by-side at a picnic table in the shade. It's hot outside so I begin by licking the sides to keep it from melting onto my hands.

"How's your ice cream?"

I smile then nod.

A strange looking man turns the corner alone, eating a small vanilla ice cream cone. Instinctively, I scoot closer to Steve who responds by putting his arm around my shoulders. Steve whispers, "I see him." I feel better knowing Steve is also paying attention. Steve pulls out his phone, hits a few buttons then returns the phone to his pocket. I remain as close as possible, eating my ice cream, hoping that I'm scared for nothing. Steve whispers, "Come on, let's finish in the car." I nod then walk next to Steve to the car holding his hand to help ease my fear. He makes sure I am inside the car first then lets himself in the car on the driver's side. "Do you feel ok, anything weird with thoughts or memories?"

I shake my head.

"Ok good," Steve says not removing his eyes from the stranger. After a few minutes, Steve gets a message on his phone then starts his car. I watch the man, as soon as Steve starts the car he gets on his phone then runs to his car. Steve also noticed the man's behavior.

"He's coming after me," I say feeling afraid and something else but I'm not sure what it is. Steve drives quickly, his sports car is able to go pretty fast so I don't see the man's car once we turn out of the parking lot.

"We don't know that for sure."

"No, but you were alarmed too and he started running when we started to leave," I rebut, Steve doesn't respond so I think he knows that he can't hide his gut feeling from me.

"Don't worry, everyone else is already on it."

"What do you mean?"

"I texted Tony as soon as we spotted him. We have special equipment built into our cars for surveillance so Tony activated it and got the car plates and images of the guy."

"That's why we didn't leave right away?"

"Yes, it also gave Nat and Clint time to get close enough to follow him."

"But we traveled much longer to get here than the amount of time since you texted him."

Steve sighs, "Nat and Clint were already in a vehicle not far from us, just in case. We don't want to take any chances with you. Tony is flying above us so he can help if needed too."

"Whoa really, that's so cool. You guys really planned this out. Thank you." I sit back in my seat, smiling, knowing that my parents have this under control. I look up to see Steve looking at me in the mirror. "Bruce is setting up tests, right?"

"Yeah, sorry," Steve says, knowing that I will be passing out again. But, I'm happy they are covering all of the bases on this. I feel safer right now having some scary stranger following me than I have since before that day in the park.

Bruce meets us at the door. He seems surprised, _What's that all about?_ "We already talked about needing to run some tests," Steve says to Bruce who seems even more surprised.

"Alright. Ready?" Bruce reassures me with a gentle squeeze of my shoulder.

"Yes."

Bruce looks at Steve again, with the same surprised look.

"What?" I ask looking at both of them.

"Nothing, nothing, come on, things are set up in my lab." Steve tags along too, I wonder if he needs tests too? "Go ahead and lie down on the cot," Bruce instructs.

I comply, laying down on the cot, fluffing the pillow under my head. Steve pulls a chair over to sit next to me, placing his hand on my shoulder.

Bruce connects the cord to the device then pushes the button. I awake sometime later, with both Bruce and Steve there watching me. "Well?"

"Someone tried but nothing got through," Bruce explains.

"Did you check Steve too?"

"Yeah, same, nothing got through. The ear pieces are doing their job."

"No fair, how come Steve wasn't unconscious," I say with mock indignation. They both laugh then help me to sit up.

Steve laces his arm through mine for added support while walking back to the living quarters, my legs always feel like jelly after the tests. Tony is waiting for us in the kitchen but Clint and Nat aren't back yet. Tony is in contact with them so he knows where they are and what's going on. When Tony sees me, he opens up his arms for me to hug. I'm eager to go to him, feeling so grateful that he was flying above us, keeping me safe. "Are you alright?" Tony asks.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Thank you."

"For what?"

"For helping to keep me safe."

Tony is truly touched, he leans back enough to make eye contact with me, "Always," then returns to the hug.

I sit down at the table then Steve joins me. "Sorry the ice cream trip went south."

"No big deal, we should just get Ben and Jerry's next time. I've been wanting to try the Hulk-a, Hulk-a, Burning Fudge flavor." I say hoping to get a reaction out of Tony; he does not disappoint.

"Hey, Stark Raving Hazelnut is way better," Tony says, pretending that I hurt his feelings.

Steve and I laugh followed quickly by Tony.

"Oh, Jamie, just so you know, Nick Fury is here, to help deal with this guy," Tony says, wanting me to be prepared.

I nod acknowledging that I understand, appreciating the heads up.

Not long after Tony mentions his presence, Nick comes into the kitchen.

"Hi Jamie, interesting day?"

I nod.

Nick asks, "Can I ask you a few questions?"

I hesitantly nod, sure this will mess me up.

"Did you recognize the man from the ice cream shop?"

I shake my head.

"But you were alarmed when he walked by?"

I nod

"What tipped you off?"

I think for a moment. "He kept his head down, under a hat so I couldn't see his eyes. I don't know, he just seemed misplaced, alone eating ice cream. It seemed weird. It felt like he wanted to hurt me," I look over at Steve, "You felt it too, right?"

Steve nods, "But, I'm trained to look for stuff like that."

"Did I do something wrong?" I ask looking at Steve

"No, you did something very right. We're just surprised that you noticed."

Nick continues his questioning, "Have you seen his vehicle before today?"

"Yeah, I think so."

Tony interjects, "Wait, when? You didn't tell us."

"Oh…well…I…I didn't know it was unusual." I put my head down before explaining, "The day I left the compound, when I was walking down the road, I saw a big green car coming but I hid behind a bush. It kept going so I didn't think that whoever it was either saw me or cared who I was. But, I'm sure it was the same vehicle."

"So, he has been keeping a look out for her," Steve comments, trying to ignore the sick feeling burning in the pit of his stomach.

"He didn't match any of our records for employees or guests and we didn't recognize the car either but apparently he has been waiting just outside of our view," Tony seethes. "You could have been taken that day!" Tony yells at me.

I put my head down, feeling scolded.

Steve interjects, "Tony!"

"He's right," I intervene, not wanting Steve to confront Tony. "I messed up. I could have been hurt…again, and it would have been my fault."

Steve and Tony look down, not wanting think about what that could have meant.

"I'm sorry," I plead, desperate for their forgiveness.

"Jamie, calm down. We're not mad, right Tony? We're not mad," Steve says, trying to reign in Tony's anger.

Tony visibly tries to control himself, roughly rubbing his head, not looking at me, "No, I'm not mad. It's just a damn scary thought."

I shake my head, tears flowing in torrents. I run out of the kitchen and down the hall to my room, slamming the bathroom door and locking it, giving me a few precious seconds to run into my closet, retrieving the broken piece of lamp, then sitting on the floor in front of the closet door with my fingers under the door to prevent them from coming inside to stop me. I am aware of the trajectory that I just put myself on but push it out of my mind. Right now, all I can think about is cutting and hopefully dying.

Sitting here, with Steve and Tony calling my name, I think about Clint, the promise I made to tell him if I ever think about killing myself but he's not here. I think about Tony, describing how losing me would hurt them. _Losing me, wouldn't that really be a gift, being free from moments like this, free from chasing down Cross's men brainwashed to get to me. They could go back to living their lives, going wherever they want, doing whatever they want. I don't know what to do_.

I hear Nick suggest Vision. I immediately push out my protective layer, blocking Vision's access to me just as I had done shortly after I arrived here.

 _This isn't how today was supposed to go,_ I lament. _Steve said we were going to have a dad day, I was going to spend the day with my new dads, so the loss of my own dad, at my own hands, wouldn't cripple me. But, I still messed it up. Why did I leave the compound, that was so stupid, Tony's right, I could have gotten hurt all over again. This will never end._ I am breathing heavy, sobbing, my thoughts running through me like a freight train.

A few moments later, I look down at the piece of glass in my hand. _This shard can end it._ I hold the glass in my hand thinking about the best place to cut-my wrist or my neck, I need to do this right because if I pass out, I will be tied to a bed in the infirmary, stitched up and cursed with more restrictions. This has to work.


	79. Chapter 79

Chapter 79

I hear Clint ask the others, "What's going on?"

 _Clint! Do I tell him I want to die? Do I keep my promise or break it knowing it won't change anything?_ I start to cry harder. Someone knocks on the door, "Jamie, it's me, it's Clint. Can I come in? I want to talk."

I'm not sure if I should respond. "Jamie, please let me in," Clint frets.

"I want everyone else to leave then close and lock the bathroom door."

I hear Steve instruct everyone to leave and some grumbling from Tony. Clint confirms, "Ok, everyone left and I locked the door."

I sense someone is planning something. I decide to have Clint check. "Someone is planning to pounce, I think it's Nick."

"How do you know?"

"I don't know how I know, please tell them not to do anything. I really need to talk to you but if they pounce, I won't get to, please."

"Ok, give me a sec, but in return you have to promise not to hurt yourself."

"I promise."

While Clint is out of the bathroom, I put the glass back in my sweatshirt's pocket then move to sit under my hanging clothes. I'm sure I will have to show my body to Nat, but at least there won't be anything that needs stitched and hopefully they don't tie me up. I sigh, hating that is a real possibility.

Clint returns and knocks on the door. "Can I come in now?"

"Yes."

Clint carefully opens the door, unsure of what he will find inside. He seems relieved that I don't appear to have hurt myself. Clint sits on the floor near me. "Can I hold you?"

I nod then move to sit on his lap, curling up. "What's going on?"

"You made me promise to tell you if I wanted to kill myself."

I feel Clint's body stiffen, "Do you want to kill yourself?"

I nod then start crying. Clint brings me in closer, wrapping his arms around me, kissing my head. "I'm so happy you told me." Clint cradles my head and strokes my hair, his arms wrapped tightly around me. "Tell me what's going on."

"Tony said Cross could have got me again when I left and it would be my fault…and I killed my family and Lizzy…" I am crying too hard now to talk. "…there's always a problem, I'm always bad, and Cross will never stop." Clint listens quietly, continuing to hold and comfort me. "He won't stop until he can control me. I don't want him to control me. I don't want him to hurt me. I don't want him to make me hurt other people. I already killed my family. I don't want to hurt anyone else." Clint continues to hold me until I calm down.

"Would you have killed yourself if I didn't come when I did?"

I don't want to answer him. "Don't ask me that." I feel anger brewing inside of me, I don't want to give up my piece of glass or time alone in the bathroom and I don't want Clint to feel like he has to be here anymore than he already does because I don't want his family to hate me.

"How would you have killed yourself today?"

I shake my head, unwilling to share that information.

Clint sighs but doesn't push the issue. He keeps holding me, comforting me for a long time. "How are you feeling now?"

"Better."

"Do you still feel like you want to kill yourself?"

"No."

"Will you tell me again if you feel like that again?"

I nod.

"Listen, you need to show someone your arms, legs, and stomach. Will you do that?"

I feel myself tense up but agree.

"Ok, do you want Hulk and Nat?"

I nod.

"I want you to go to your room, I will let Nat and Bruce know the plan."

"Am I in trouble now?"

"No. What do you mean?"

"Like a talk circle and more restrictions?"

"We probably should at least have you and Tony talk, what do you think?"

I nod, "I guess, but I don't think it will matter."

"Well, I still want you two to talk. I'm sure Tony will want you to talk with him anyway."

"What about more restrictions?"

"I will have to talk to the team."

I start to cry again, mournful tears over possibly losing the right to close the bathroom door.

"Jamie, the restrictions are in place to keep you safe, not to punish you."

"But they do punish me. I already can't do anything and I can't stand when someone watches me in the bathroom." My tears continue to flow, hot angry tears about being so restricted.

"I think we should all talk."

"I want Nick to leave, I don't want him to see me like this. I don't trust him," I beg.

"I will have him, at least, leave the living quarters until you are feeling better, ok?"

I nod.

"Ok, go to your bedroom so Nat can check you," Clint instructs.

"Will you make sure everyone isn't waiting there?" I plead.

"Ok, but I'm not leaving you in here alone so you will have to come with me."

I don't want to be in any more trouble so I comply.

As guessed, everyone including Nick is waiting in my bedroom. Clint asks everyone except Nat and Bruce to leave, briefly pulling Steve aside asking him to talk to Nick about waiting in the meeting room and mentioned having everyone talk.

Nat and Bruce remain in my room. Clint tells them that he wants them to check me so Bruce turns into Hulk. I willingly go to him, wanting him to hold me. After a few minutes with Hulk, I feel more relaxed to let Nat check my body. She lifts up my sleeves although they are already short sleeves, lifts up my shorts pant legs and then my shirt a few inches to check my stomach. When she is satisfied, I curl up on Hulk's lap trying to feel less exposed. Hulk patiently holds me until I feel ready to get up and go to the living room.

Clint, Tony and Steve already have the talk circle set up. I knew it was coming, but my heart still sinks when I see them waiting for me. I really don't want to do this; I don't want to be upset again. I comply, hoping I will be in less trouble if I cooperate.

Tony begins, "I'm really not mad at you kiddo. The thought of you being hurt again really scared me. We try hard to keep you safe but sometimes we really have to fight with you to do it. I love you very much and never want anything like that to happen to you again." I am already crying. Seeing me upset, Tony asks, "Can I hold you?"

I nod but don't get the chance to move to Tony because he was already picking me up.

Tony picks me up taking my seat on the couch while putting me on his lap. "I'm sorry I raised my voice, I was really scared today then hearing that the same guy was watching you a couple weeks ago really scared me. I love you so much, kiddo, the thought of you being in danger really upsets me. Ok?"

I nod.

"I know today is especially hard for you. I'm really sorry that our special dad's day isn't working out like we had planned."

"No baseball game, right?"

"Sorry, I don't think it's a good idea to leave the compound right now," Tony apologizes.

I sigh, pouting, "I was really excited about that."

"I know baby girl, but we will take you someday," Clint promises, wiping a stray tear from my cheek.

"Clint said you felt like you wanted to kill yourself," Tony mentions quietly.

"Please, I don't want to talk about that again."

"I just wanted to say that I'm proud of you for telling Clint," Tony says then the others nod in agreement. "I know that's really hard to do especially when you feel that way. Being open about that stuff helps us to have more trust in you."

I nod but remain on Tony's chest. _Wow, instead of having more restrictions Tony said he can start to trust me more._

"Anything that you want to talk about?" Tony asks.

I think for a moment. "I really liked that everyone was ready to help today. I felt a lot safer when I found out that Clint and Nat were waiting nearby in a car and that you were flying overhead. I wasn't worried at all about the guy anymore because I knew you were all taking care of it."

Everyone smiles, knowing that it's a big deal that I felt safe.

"Did you catch him?" I inquire.

"Yes, we did," Clint boasts with a smile.

I look over at Bruce, "Was mind control used on him?"

Bruce nods, "Yes, but we were able to remove it."

I nod, returning my head again to Tony's chest.

"I love you guys."

Everyone takes turns saying they love me too.

"Bruce and I would still like to show you more stuff in the lab, want to go?"

"Can Peter come too?"

"Peter? This is a dad day. Are you sure you want Peter to come too?"

"You are kind of like Peter's dad, Tony."

"I train him and made him a suit that's all."

"No, it's more than that, at least for Peter. You look after him, give him rules to follow to keep him safe, yell at him when he doesn't follow them or does something dangerous. It's pretty clear that you care about him too."

"Well, maybe a little."

"I like being your daughter; you're a good dad," I say smiling. "I changed my mind, I want it to just be me." I wrap my arms around Tony's neck enjoying the hug.

"Do I still have to talk to Nick?"

"He does have more questions but maybe we can answer them."

I nod, happy to be done answering questions.

Tony, Bruce and I go to the labs. They show me how some of the equipment works and explains some of the science behind the machines or why they are important. It's all fascinating. "When will I do more science lessons with you?"

"After Labor Day, we will get school going again."

"Am I in eighth grade or still in seventh grade?"

"Your grades were good so they promoted you to eighth grade."

"Good. I like school but not enough to repeat a grade," I quip, truly happy to be in eighth grade.

We all return upstairs for dinner but I can't help the disappointment I feel because I was excited to eat ball park food. It turns out, Steve grilled hot dogs, maybe he wanted ball park foods too. I willingly eat. Bruce still looks over from time to time but it feels like he's trying not to pay attention. I know he just worries about me.

"We can all watch a movie together or maybe go swimming. What do you think?" Steve asks me.

"Swimming!"

Nat takes me to the bathroom to change into my swimming suit. I do so quickly so Nat doesn't ask to see my legs and stomach. I really hate that. I put the towel around my waist and walk next to Nat to meet up with the others. We head down to the pool. I get in first, trying to hide my scars. Steve, Clint and Tony all get into the water but Bruce decides to skip the pool. We play just like we did in Florida that first day. I hang on Steve's back and he throws me into the water. Clint and Tony also take turns throwing me. We laugh, enjoying playing together. I have a constant nagging sadness and maybe anger but playing with my new dads helps.

After swimming, I change into pajamas, quickly, not wanting to deal with Nat. I head out to the living room where the others are already sitting around on the couches but decide to go to the kitchen to get something to drink. Steve quickly follows me prepared to intervene. Steve asks, "What's up?"

I feel the anger that has been boiling just underneath the surface threatening to explode. I try to contain it, try to stuff it inside long enough to avoid the eruption. I ball up my fists until my knuckles are white, tears begin streaming down my hot, red cheeks. I have the glass on the counter right in front of me that I planned to use to get something to drink. I seriously debate throwing it or breaking it and cutting with it, something that I can do to focus and expel this rage. "Jamie?" Steve says, trying to get my attention. The others join Steve at the entrance to the kitchen.

I hear someone take a few steps closer to me, "Don't! Don't come near me!" I growl between clenched teeth turning to face them, backing up into the corner of the counter.

"What's going on?" Steve asks with his hands up, palms facing me, near his chest, trying to convey that he isn't a threat.

"I don't know!" I spit, honestly not knowing why I'm so angry.

"How can we help you to calm down?" Steve asks.

I shake my head.

"Would it help if I held you tight?"

I debate his offer, unsure if it would help.

Seeing my reaction, Steve presses, "Can we try it? You can say stop anytime."

I nod. Steve comes over to me, sitting on the floor along the bottom row of cabinets. "Ready?"

I nod, then move to sit directly in front of Steve. I bring my knees up to my chest and tuck my arms in between my chest and legs. Steve wraps his arms around me then wraps his one leg over my ankles. I test the strength of Steve's hold already feeling somewhat better. "Want to talk about what's bothering you?"

I shake my head.

"Did you have fun swimming?"

I nod.

"I noticed you were getting a drink. Do you want water?"

I nod.

Tony gets me a glass of water and leaves it on the table.

"Feeling better?" Steve asks.

I nod.

"Ready for me to let go?"

I shake my head.

Steve continues to hold me for several more minutes. The anger subsides, my body relaxes and I feel more in control now. "Ready for me to let you go?"

I nod.

Steve slowly lets me go pulling me onto his lap for a snuggle. "You did a good job keeping yourself under control and I really like that you let me help."

I nod then move to get up. I drink some water then walk to my room. Everyone follows, unsure of whether or not I'm really ok. I get into bed feeling tired from not sleeping well last night. "Are you ready for bed?"

I nod then close my eyes. I want this day to be over. I had a lot of fun with my dads but the guilt over killing my dad is too much. They all must sense that I'm still teetering so no one leaves my room. I don't want to talk about this so I keep my eyes closed hoping they will think I fell asleep. Someone sits on the foot of my bed. I sigh, _I don't think they are leaving_. I pull the covers up to hide my face. Several minutes go by but no one bothers me. My eyes feel heavy so I allow myself to fall asleep.

Steve pulls down the covers revealing Jamie's face. "She must have really been tired."

Clint looks at Jamie then looks away, "But she's sucking her thumb again. Remember the last time she did that?"

"Yeah, but we already knew this was going to be a rough day for her," Tony sighs feeling uncomfortable watching Jamie.

Everyone settles in, not wanting to leave in case Jamie needs them.

 _No, I can't tell…No, Daddy…'Are you allowed to talk?'…explosion._

"Daddy!" I scream bolting up in bed, shaking, drenched in sweat, crying.

"You're ok baby girl." I look up to see Steve, Clint, Tony and Bruce surrounding me.

"Can we snuggle with you?" Tony asks.

I nod still breathing heavy from my dream.

Clint and Tony sit on either side of me and Bruce and Steve sit near my feet. I lean against Clint, sniffing from crying, my breathing hitching. "I know we will never replace your dad, but we all love you very much," Steve comforts.

I cry harder. _I miss Daddy, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry._

"Want to talk?" Tony asked.

I shake my head unable to talk, unwilling to talk. I curl up, Clint rubbing my forehead, Tony rubbing soothing circles on my back. They hold me while I cry, long after I fall asleep, like a daddy would hold his baby girl.


	80. Chapter 80

Chapter 80

I wake still curled up with my dads who stayed with me all night. They are all sleeping, in awkward positions, partially sitting up. It amazes me that they would stay with me when I'm upset, all of them knowing that I'm upset about my dad so they wanted to be close to me. I love them all. I stay curled up, enjoying the snuggle time, falling back asleep in my bird's nest of dads.

"Ahem," someone clearing their throat startles me awake. Sleepily, I open my eyes, looking around at my dads who are also just waking up. Nat stands in the doorway smiling at the sight, "Hey fellas, you guys getting up any time soon? It's after ten o'clock."

They all look exhausted. I know I'm still tired.

Clint scoops me up, "How are you, Baby Girl?"

I nod, smiling.

Clint smiles too, kissing my forehead. "Ready for breakfast?"

I nod.

Clint and I go to the kitchen with Nat while the others go back to their rooms for a while. Clint gets the cereal ready and we sit side-by-side at the breakfast bar.

"Do you want to do some shooting today?" Clint asks.

I nod.

When I finish eating then Nat asks, "Ready for your shower?"

I shake my head, not wanting to shower or have to go through getting my legs or stomach checked. My response surprises Nat. "Why not?"

I shake my head again.

Nat looks over at Clint then back to me. I can tell she is assessing why I don't want to shower. I imagine she thinks it's either because I already hurt myself or I don't want to be checked. "Alright, we can do it later today."

I don't respond. I have no intention on showering later either.

"Ready to go shoot?" Clint inquires, mild concern in his voice.

I nod then take my bowl to the sink, rinse it out, then put it in the dishwasher.

I walk next to Clint to the lockers where we keep our gear. He doesn't talk, which is odd. _I hope he's not mad at me._ I open my locker and pull out my gear. Clint is moving slower than normal _. I really hope he's not mad at me._ I keep my head down, bracing myself for his anger. He just stays quiet. Clint looks over at me, "What's wrong?"

 _Hmm, he doesn't sound mad._ I shake my head, hoping he'll just let it drop. Clint closes his locker then starts to walk to the shooting range. I follow a few steps behind, keeping my head down. Clint stops moving, looking at me, "Jamie, are you ok?"

I nod.

"Why is your head down?"

I shrug my shoulders.

Clint resumes walking. I see that he's not mad so I walk closer, grabbing his hand to hold. Clint willingly holds my hand, smiling at me.

We get set up at the range and begin shooting. I, of course, can't seem to clear my mind to shoot well. I try several times, missing the target all but once. I turn to watch Clint's form. My behavior distracts Clint, who looks over at me in return. "You ok?"

I nod.

Clint releases then lowers his arm so his bow is next to his leg. "Want to talk?"

I shake my head. I decide to try to redirect Clint by giving him three arrows to shoot. "Do you want me to shoot all three at the same time?"

I nod then step back a few feet, taking a seat on the grass so I can watch. Clint smiles. He shoots all three arrows, all hitting the bullseye. "Want to see more?"

I nod.

Clint shoots several more rounds of arrows doing various jumps or flips. It's really impressive to watch. I still have my bow and quiver of arrows with me. I pull an arrow from the quiver, looking intently at the sharp tip, holding it near my arm. Images of me using the arrow to slice my arm fill my mind.

"Jamie!"

I flinch, scared by the abrupt sound and the urgency in Clint's voice. I look up at Clint, seeing his wide eyes looking back at me. Clint moves to sit next to me, removing the arrow from my hand. "Are you thinking about hurting yourself with the arrow?" Clint asks.

I look at my arm then shake my head.

"Jamie," Clint says while guiding my eyes to his by putting a finger under my chin. "Are you thinking about hurting yourself with the arrow?"

I tear up, shaking my head.

"Why won't you talk to me?"

I look down refusing to talk or reveal any more through my eyes who betray me.

"Well, are you ready to go back inside?"

I shake my head.

"Do you want to shoot more?"

I nod.

"Ok, we still have a few more arrows. We will go back inside when they are gone."

I swallow hard, then stand up with my bow. Clint doesn't shoot too, he just watches me. I sigh, _more restrictions and a talk circle,_ the thought brings a fresh round of tears but I keep them hidden _._

I shoot the remaining arrows then gather up my stuff. I hold Clint's hand on the way back inside, wanting to feel safe and cared for. Heading back inside right now feels like I'm walking to the principal's office. We drop our stuff off at the lockers then walk to the living quarters in silence. I feel Clint looking at me, watching, so I try not to look his way.

When we get back inside, Clint stops in the living room and calls everyone to come as well. I'm angry, _why did he do that!_ Once everyone is in the room, Clint says, "Jamie, have a seat on the couch."

I cross my arms refusing to move, not wanting to do a talk circle. Everyone looks at each other then moves to stand around me. They brought the talk circle to me. I'm so mad, tears begin to well up along my eyes. "Would you rather stand here or sit down on the couch?"

I assess my options. I have a better chance of running if I am standing but a better chance of avoiding talking at all if I am sitting. I growl, opting to sit because there's no way I would get far just by running, they would just catch me and make me come back.

Clint begins, "Ok, kiddo. We've noticed that something is bothering you. You didn't want to shower, you're not talking, and you were close to hurting yourself with the arrow."

Everyone looks at Clint, just learning about the last part.

"Can you tell us what's bothering you?" Steve encourages.

I shake my head.

"With wanting to hurt yourself, I don't think we should let this go."

I bring up my knees to my chest, curling smaller to try to lessen the awful feelings inside, remaining quiet.

"Let's start with the shower. Why don't you want to shower?" Steve questions.

I sit, arms wrapped around my legs, feeling so exposed. _This is stupid, they already know why I don't want to shower. They are all just looking at me, I hate this._

"Is it because we check your legs and stomach afterward?" Steve guesses.

I nod, tears stinging my eyes.

"Well, you will have to take a shower, that's one of those things that you have to do."

I sigh, burying my face in the crevice of my knees, _I hate when they say 'it's one of those things you just have to do_.' I don't have to do anything!

"Jamie…" Steve begins but stops, sighing.

I look up at him, seeing that he's frustrated, I begin to cry.

Steve roughly rubs the back of his head, "Jen is coming today, let's talk more when she comes. I want you to talk to her so we can fix this stuff."

I look up at Steve, stunned, hurt, "Fix?" I look at Clint, my voice hitching from crying. "See, I am causing problems."

Both Steve and Clint try to reframe Steve's words but I don't listen. Now I know that I was right, I am a problem.

"Can I hold you?" Steve asks.

I shake my head, not wanting to be comforted or close to anyone. Refusing to be held doesn't give me the alone time that I was hoping for, instead they all stay in the talk circle.

"Are you still upset about your dad's death?"

I nod.

"It feels like you're pushing all of us away," Steve observes.

I look up for a moment considering what Steve said.

"Do you feel like you don't deserve to be loved or to have dads?"

I am stunned, unsure of why I'm upset, "I'm bad."

"I know you feel that way but you really aren't bad. We all love you very much and want to help in any way that we can."

"Punish me," I mumble knowing they won't do it so I don't bother to look up at them.

"You don't need to be punished."

"Yes, I do. I've been very bad, I'm still being bad every day."

"Jamie…" Steve begins but I interject.

"Can I shower now?"

"Wait, you want to shower now?" Steve sputters, surprised at first then concerned.

"Yes."

No one moves to let me up.

"What? I thought 'showering is one of those things you have to do,' so why aren't you letting me shower?" I grumble disrespectfully.

Everyone looks at each other. "We aren't going to let you in the bathroom right now alone."

"Then don't tell me that I have to shower then tell me I can't shower."

"Do you really want to shower or are you planning to hurt yourself?"

"Shower, then you will check my body."

"Oh. You're using us checking your legs as punishment," Clint chimes in.

"This is stupid," I mutter, angry.

"You have to wait until we talk to Jen."

"Jen! I hate her!" I scream while charging, trying to get away from them.

They grab my arms, pinning my arms along my middle while pulling me back on the couch. I start to kick my legs as hard and as fast as I can. They manage to subdue me, holding my legs in the sitting position against the couch. I continue to fight, trying to free any part of my body. I scream then begin to cry. "Punish me!" I scream then fight more enjoying being punished by their restraint.

Steve notices what I'm doing but also realizes that they can't stop. I calm down from exhaustion, but the feelings are still inside of me. "We're going to Tony's lab, I want you to exercise your mind," Steve says without talking to the team but they go with it knowing that I often open up afterwards. Knowing why Steve wants me to do this infuriates me. I resume fighting, trying to avoid this trip.

Steve and Clint still have a hold on each of my arms, forcing me to walk to the basement lab, the others walk nearby, prepared to help if needed. Once inside Tony's lab, they release me. Part of me wants to refuse, to fight, but I am tempted by the opportunity to hurt myself.

I begin pushing, hard. Immediately, the air in the room picks up, whipping up loose items around the room as if in a wind tunnel. The intensity of the experience makes me drop to my knees, screaming. I feel the blood begin to run from my nose and my vision blurs. "Jamie! Jamie, that's enough!" Steve says then wraps his arms around me.

"No!" I yell, continuing to push the layer. I feel it, teetering on the edge of what the device will allow. There's a sharp pain, then darkness.

I wake to everyone sitting around me, watching me. Bruce is shining a light in my eyes, talking to me. I begin to sit up, seeing that I'm on Tony's black leather couch, I remember what happened. _My head hurts._ "I want the device removed."

Everyone is quiet, not believing what I just said. "I want this damn thing removed!"

Steve begins, "Jamie—"

I have no patience for Steve or anyone else trying to talk me down. I start to punch my forehead which is met with Steve restraining my arms at my sides. I relocate the layer and push as hard as I can, anger fueling this round. My head is screaming in pain, but I ignore it. The rage inside of me won't allow anything less. Bruce pulls out the remote. "No!" I yell as I lose consciousness.


	81. Chapter 81

Chapter 81

The team talks with Jen to discuss the most recent issues. "We already mentioned Jamie's special ability with her mind and the device we implanted to protect her," Steve begins. "She has been very angry lately, desperate for us to punish her. She initially refused to shower because we have been checking her afterward for any self-harm but when she begged us to punish her, which we refused, she asked to shower. She wants us to punish her by making her show us her legs and stomach. Then we tried having her release some of the pressure through exercising the protective layer. She pushed until she hurt herself. I don't know what we are supposed to do. She has been pushing us away, fighting us with things she needs, raging to the point where we have to restrain her. I think she uses that sometimes as punishment, too. Any ideas, input, we're really at a loss?"

Jen begins, "The anniversary of her father's death was a few days ago, right?"

Everyone nods.

"She is dealing with guilt over killing her father. Something she did, albeit unknowingly, killed him. She is also dealing with the guilt of just not telling her father about the sexual assault. Again, we know she isn't to blame but she either doesn't or won't accept it. She is at a tipping point. Accept what happened isn't her fault, letting go of the blame, or holding onto it. The choice seems clear to us but for her it's not. I know it's hard right now, but this is an important part in healing. Keep telling her that this isn't her fault. Continue to keep her safe, even if she's using it as punishment, but try to show her lots of love and affection to counter it. This is close to being resolved."

"Why would she want to hold onto the blame?" Tony asks perplexed.

"She is trying to make sense of what happened. If she's to blame then there's something she can do to fix it so she doesn't get hurt again."

"Being punished," Steve says, connecting the dots.

"Right, being punished, for her, ends her being bad. Being bad is what she was told was happening when she was being hurt. There's also a vulnerability factor. She believes that holding on to the blame gives her control over whether or not it happens. She has to accept that she wasn't in control which is much scarier. She needs to have other ways to feel safe. She is starting to feel safe with all of you which is why we are close to her letting go of the blame. She is starting to feel like she can trust her safety in your hands, not needing to hold onto the guilt or the control."

The team is speechless. The thought that Jamie will need to accept feeling more vulnerable is sickening but they are also happy that she is feeling safer with them.

* * *

 _Oww!_ I gingerly open my eyes, the pain in my forehead is intense.

"How are you feeling?" I hear at the same time that someone strokes my forehead. Gently turning my head, I notice Bruce is waiting anxiously to my right.

"My head hurts. You pushed the button."

Bruce sighs, "I'm sorry. I didn't have any other choice."

"You could have let me die," I mumble under my breath.

Bruce leans in, gently placing a kiss on my forehead. "I love you too much to let that happen. I know things are really hard right now but you will get through it. Let us help you."

"Bruce, all of this is my fault. I killed my whole family; I should have died too. My sister was Lila's age. It should have been me who died, not them."

"I'm sorry, kiddo. Can I hold you?"

I nod, desperate for comfort. Bruce adjusts the railing so he can sit on my bed next to me then puts his arm around me, bringing me in for a snuggle.

"None of this is your fault. Cross and Marcus Hillary are to blame. You are a kid, an innocent kid. No matter what you think, that is the truth."

"Marcus Hillary was a kid, too."

"Yes, but a much older kid who has a long history of hurting other kids."

I wince at his words. "I should have said something instead I blew up my dad!" I choke out, upset with myself.

Bruce holds on tighter, kissing the top of my head several times, understanding the power that guilt can have over someone. I sob uncontrollably for a long time while Bruce holds me. Periodically, Bruce adds, "I love you, Baby Girl." I fall asleep crying.

Bruce is still holding me when I wake up. Clint, Steve, Tony and Nat are also in the infirmary. My head still hurts a lot and my vision is a little blurry. I don't move, wanting to be close to Bruce, not wanting to talk anymore or feel anything.

Clint notices first that I'm awake. "Hi Baby Girl, how are you doing?"

I shake my head then bury my face into Bruce, starting to cry again. Bruce holds me tighter, "I love you, Baby Girl," then kisses the top of my head.

Clint comes closer so he can comfort me, running his fingers through my hair and rubbing my arm.

A wave of nausea hits. I look up at Bruce, "I don't feel good."

"What's wrong?"

"My head feels funny, my eyes are fuzzy and I feel sick."

Bruce immediately switches into doctor mode. Checking my vitals and looking at my pupils. "We're going to do a CT scan," Bruce says to the nurse who jumps into action, getting everything set up for the test.

* * *

Meanwhile, everyone else is trying to figure out what's going on as they are ushered to the waiting room.

After about a half hour, Bruce addresses the team. "She has a good bit of swelling especially the tissue surrounding the device. We already put her on IV fluids and oxygen but we may also need to add medication."

"Medication? Is this worse than the other times?" Clint worries.

"Yes. The swelling is putting pressure on the optic nerve."

"The girl can't catch a break," Steve says, roughly rubbing the back of his head.

"This one is her fault. She's the one who pushed it trying to hurt herself," Tony complains, irritated.

Nat shakes her head then walks out of the room sneering, "You son of a bitch."

Bruce eagerly leaves the room, letting the others deal with Tony.

Tony looks at Steve and then Clint who looks away. "Why am I the only one that see's that this is her fault?"

Steve responds, "Yes, she made a choice but she's not capable of making good choices for herself right now. She is completely driven by fear, shame and grief. She needs our love and support. I get that you're frustrated but don't take that into the room with her."

"Yes, I am frustrated! We've been dealing with these problems for a couple months now. When is she going to start to get better?"

"I don't know, it's hard to see her upset, it's hard to fight her when she wants to hurt herself but a lot has happened lately. Remember she's the one who's actually going through this stuff."

"Yes, I know. I'm just tired of fixing problems she creates," Tony defends.

Clint is furious, "We keep trying to convince her that she's not causing problems. How the hell are we going to do that when you see them as problems? We can't let guilt be added to what she's already going through."

Steve adds, "Tony, she needs you; your daughter needs you."

Tony sighs, softening, "I know she does. All of this just sucks."

Bruce sends a message over the coms for everyone to meet in the waiting room. By the time Nat arrives, Bruce is already in the waiting room with Tony, Clint and Steve. "What's up?"

"Jamie has had several seizures over the past half hour. We need to decide whether or not to remove the device. I don't think we have to remove it but she can't do this again."

"Is there any damage to her brain right now?"

Bruce sighs, "There's one very small spot showing damage."

The team is visibly upset hearing there is permanent damage from the most recent self-harm.

Still dealing with the shock of her injuries, Steve comments, "I don't think she's ready to have it removed, we will have to respond sooner even though it leaves her unconscious."

Clint asks, "Is she out of danger of more seizures yet?"

"No. We will need to watch her carefully. We gave her medication to help reduce the risk of another seizure and medication to help reduce the swelling on her brain. We will have to watch for potential serious side effects while she's on the medication."

"Side effects," Clint says shocked.

"She will only need to be on it for a short time. Right now, I'm more concerned about the pressure on her optic nerve. If we don't relieve some of it soon she could lose her sight," Bruce responds trying to convince himself to stay calm. "So, are we all in agreement to leave the device in for now?"

Everyone nods, feeling that they are making the best choice for Jamie.

"How long does it usually take for the swelling to go down?" Clint inquires.

"She should be doing much better in a few days."

"Can she stay in her room?" Tony asks, knowing it will be hard to keep Jamie in the infirmary.

Bruce thinks for a moment, "She will prefer being in her room. I'll make arrangements for her to be transferred there after we see how she does on the medications."

Tony asks one last question, "Will she be alright?"

Everyone feels the weight of his question. His anger earlier was more about his fear of her being hurt than being angry that he has to deal with her issues.

Choking on his words, Bruce resorts to a nod and a half smile then leaves the room.

Tony follows after Bruce, "Hey, can I see her?"

"Yeah, sure, go ahead. She's pretty out of it though."

"Thanks," Tony says, taking a deep breath to calm himself before visiting his daughter.


	82. Chapter 82

Chapter 82

Tony slowly opens the door to the infirmary, revealing Jamie asleep on the hospital bed, hooked up to an IV and oxygen. In addition to the fluids and feeding, there's another bag that must be one of the medications. A tear forms along Tony's eye and a soft sob escapes, overwhelmed by his love for her.

Jamie opens her eyes slightly, blinking, "Daddy?"

"It's Tony, Baby Girl."

"Tony?" Jamie starts to cry. "I don't feel good and I'm scared."

Tony rubs Jamie's forehead, "I'm here with you, Baby Girl. I'm your daddy now; I'm not going anywhere."

Jamie seems relieved hearing Tony's words. She falls asleep holding Tony's hand.

Steve enters Jamie's room, "How's she doing?"

"She woke up briefly, said she didn't feel well and that she was scared."

"And you told her that her daddy's with her."

"You heard," Tony acknowledges with a soft chuckle.

"Yeah, I did. It's nice, she needs that. She really loves you and feels safe with you."

"So do I, god, so do I," Tony admits his dependence on her, uncomfortable with this vulnerability.

Jamie whimpers softly, bringing Tony's attention back to her. He continues to stroke her forehead, comforting her.

A few minutes later, Jamie speaks again, "Daddy?"

"I'm here. It's Tony."

Jamie smiles, "Daddy." She quickly falls back asleep.

Suddenly, Jamie starts convulsing. Tony and Steve jump in but are pushed back by Bruce and the nurse who begin tending to her. Tony accuses, "You said you gave her some medicine for that."

Steve interjects, "The medicine reduces the chance of seizures it didn't sound like it completely gets rid of them."

Bruce is grateful for Steve's intervention, his own fears of inadequacy threatening to take root. The seizure passes after about thirty seconds. Tony and Steve return to Jamie's side. After another minute or so Jamie calls, "Daddy?"

"I'm here, Baby Girl, it's Tony."

"Daddy," Jamie says smiling once again. "Where are you?"

"I'm over here," Tony comforts, grabbing Jamie's hand on the side closest to where he is sitting.

"You're all blurry and my eyes hurt."

"Bruce is working on it."

"Bruce?"

"Hi Kiddo, I'm here too."

Jamie visibly relaxes, trusting Bruce to care for her.

Steve adds, "I'm here too, it's Steve."

"Steve?" Jamie starts to cry. "I'm so sorry, this is all my fault."

All three rush to comfort her. "Baby Girl, we understand you were upset. Let's just focus on getting you better," Tony cajoles while lowering the railing so he can snuggle with her.

Clint enters the room with Laura. Steve welcomes her, "Hi Laura, glad you could make it."

"Mom?" Jamie asks.

"Hi Baby Girl."

"Dad?"

Clint responds, "Yes, me too."

Jamie smiles, feeling loved.

"Where's Nat?"

"You don't see me?" Nat asks, confused.

Jamie puts her head down, "No, I can't see very well right now."

Bruce chimes in, "Jamie, I need to leave the room for a few minutes to talk to Clint, Laura and Nat. Ok?"

Jamie nods.

Bruce leads them out to the hall then begins explaining once the doors are shut. "Laura, I'm not sure how much you know so I'll just start from the top. Jamie pushed her mind to the point of causing the device to trigger and then she tried again shortly after regaining consciousness, so I initiated the device the second time to try to prevent damage. From her efforts, she has a good deal of swelling around the device. We decided to let it stay in for now, with plans to trigger the device much sooner from now on. Another side effect of how hard she pushed is seizures. She's had several and there is a very small spot showing damage to her brain."

"Why was she pushing so hard?" Laura gasps, her words tainted with sadness and fear.

"She was trying to hurt herself," Clint responds solemnly not making eye contact with his wife.

"She could have died!" Laura blurts, alarmed.

"She knows," Clint explains. "She's been really upset lately with the anniversary of her father's death right after finding out that she was the one that caused the explosion. She's struggling with feeling out of control and vulnerable. We've had to take most of the control from her to keep her safe, but now she's trying to get it back even if she hurts herself. All of this is exacerbated by the recent attempts to get to her by Cross mixed with remembering what happened when she was little."

"So, what's the treatment?" Nat refocuses the conversation, needing more answers.

"We have her on medication for the swelling as well as IV fluids and oxygen," Bruce explains. "She's also taking a medication to reduce the seizures. Both medications have some side effects that we are watching for."

After getting the update, everyone returns to Jamie's bed. Although awake when they left, Jamie is asleep again.

"She's exhausted from the seizures and the swelling so she will likely be in and out for a while," Bruce explains then leaves the room to check on some test results.

Jamie starts to whine then vomits. Tony is quick to act, turning Jamie on her side so she doesn't choke, rubbing her back to comfort her. Laura calls for Bruce who comes in right away with the nurse. Tony is already cleaning up Jamie's face when they arrive. Bruce checks Jamie, making sure everything is ok, then orders medication to reduce vomiting.

"Is this something to worry about?" Nat asks, concerned.

"There are a couple possible reasons for vomiting, one could possibly be more troublesome but I don't think she hasn't been on the medication long enough. My guess is it's from the swelling. Keep her propped up on her side for now. Let's change the sheets."

Tony gently picks Jamie up, placing a few gentle kisses on her forehead while waiting for the nurse to put on clean sheets then replaces her on the fresh linen with extra pillows so Jamie stays on her side. The nurse adds an extra pad near the girl's head to catch any vomit. Tony sits facing her, rubbing her forehead and stroking her hair. His love for her is evident in every pass of his hand and every gentle whisper. Everyone leaves the room, except Tony, letting Jamie rest. Tony keeps vigil, waiting for any change.

Jamie opens her eyes. "Daddy," Jamie whispers when she spots Tony.

Tony smiles, "That's right, Baby Girl. How are you feeling?"

"I can see better now," Jamie says smiling.

"That's wonderful!"

"Daddy, I'm really sorry," Jamie tearfully apologizes.

Tony moves closer, "Jamie, I know that you're hurting. You don't have to apologize. I want you to talk about how you're feeling, what's bothering you, then we can help you feel better so you don't want to hurt yourself."

"But I don't want to feel better sometimes."

"Tell me about it, Sweetie," Tony comforts, encouraging Jamie to open up.

"Sometimes, I get really mad at myself."

"What are you mad about?"

"Killing my family. Sometimes about the other stuff too."

"What other stuff?"

"All of it," Jamie whispers feeling ashamed.

"You probably can rationalize some reason it's your fault for almost anything but that doesn't mean it's really your fault. You were seven when the neighbor hurt you, seven-Lila's age. You knew it was wrong but he threatened to hurt your sister, he threatened to hurt you and he did hurt you. You reacted exactly how anyone would react, you did the best that you could."

"Why do I feel like I'm bad then?" Jamie pleads.

"Because when someone hurts you like that, your feelings are so jumbled and mixed up, it's hard to make sense of what's happening. That boy convinced you that you were bad so you wouldn't tell on him. Get it? If you feel like you're bad then you won't want to tell on yourself. And just to make sure that you didn't tell, he threatened to hurt you more." Tony gently guides Jamie's face to his own, making sure she is listening, "Once we found out what happened, the boy went to jail and you went to Disney World. So, who's really the bad one?"

Jamie smiles, "The boy."

"That's right, Baby Girl. It's really, truly, not your fault. Not even a little bit."

Jamie starts to cry, "Ok."

Tony kisses Jamie's forehead, "I love you."

"I love you, too, Daddy."

Bruce enters to check on Jamie. "Hi Kiddo, how are you feeling?"

"I'm starting to see better."

"Good. How about your head, still hurt?"

Jamie nods.

"How's your belly?"

"It feels a little sick."

"Ok. I will give you a pill to help your stomach feel better and some medicine to help your headache." Bruce gives Jamie a kiss on her forehead, then smiles while placing his hand along her cheek.

"I'm really sorry."

"I know, Baby Girl, it's ok. We will get you feeling better. Talk to us more so we can help when you're upset. Ok?"

Jamie nods, tears continuing to fall. Tony repositions the pillows and lowers the railing so he can hold his daughter. Jamie sinks into the snuggle, continuing to cry for a long time. Tony periodically whispers comforting words and kisses her head.

Bruce retrieves the others, letting them know that Jamie is awake and is starting to feel better. When they enter, they see Tony holding her while she cries. Clint moves to Jamie, putting his hand on her head. "Hi Baby Girl."

"I'm sorry."

"Everything's ok, I promise."

Jamie nods then reaches for Clint who picks her up, being careful of her IV, bringing her into a hug while he holds her. "I love you, Baby Girl."

Jamie tries to calm her breathing, now that she is starting to feel better. Clint leans back enough to look at her face, wiping the remaining tears from her cheeks. "Better?"

Jamie nods but returns her head to Clint's shoulder, not wanting to end the hug yet. Laura comes up behind Jamie, kissing her head. "Hi Mom," Jamie says with a slight smile.

Laura smiles, loving when Jamie calls her mom, "Hi Baby Girl. I'm so happy you're feeling better."

Clint gives Jamie another kiss. "Ready to lay down again?"

Jamie nods.

"Bruce, my stomach feels sick."

Bruce checks Jamie's vitals, also looking at her pupils. "You should try to rest now; one person can stay with you."

"Daddy," Jamie says smiling, looking at Tony.

Tony smiles back warmly, "Sure thing, Kiddo."

Everyone gives Jamie a kiss on their way out of the room leaving Tony there to care for their daughter.


	83. Chapter 83

Chapter 83

Bruce remains with Tony and Jamie, changing some of the IVs. "Bruce?"

"What's up, Kiddo?"

"How sick am I?" Tony and Bruce look at each other, trying to decide what to say. Jamie notices. "I already know this time feels different-I'm tired, my stomach feels sick, my head hurts, I wasn't able to see, and my mind feels fuzzy. Did I have another seizure?"

Bruce sits down next to Jamie, across from Tony still looking to him for guidance that isn't coming. "Yes, you had several seizures. There's also more swelling on your brain around the site of the device. We had to give you medication to treat the seizures to get them to stop and you are also on special medication to help the swelling."

"So, I'm really sick?"

"Well, sicker than before but we are able to treat it."

"How long will this take?"

"Well, you've already regained your sight, right?"

"Not all of it," Jamie whispers with defeat in her voice. "I'm able to make out faces now if they are close, but my eyes hurt."

"And you haven't had a seizure in a while. You're making good progress. Ok? You're going to be fine."

"I can tell you're hiding something."

"Really, how?"

Jamie sighs, "Your eye twitches a little and I can sort of sense it."

"Sense it. What do you mean?" Tony asks curious.

"I don't know, almost like I can feel you are avoiding something."

"Have you always been able to do this?"

"Um, I don't know. It's not something that changed all of a sudden. I guess it's been getting stronger. Can you answer my question now?"

Bruce sighs, he was hoping Jamie would have forgotten about it. Bruce looks over at Tony for help, Tony nods slightly. "There's a small spot on your brain showing damage from the seizures."

Fearful tears begin to fall down Jamie's cheeks. "What does that mean?"

"It means there's some brain cells that have died from a small cluster of neurons. I don't know what has been lost."

"I'm not smart anymore?"

"I don't know what's been affected, we will know more as time goes by and we see what you can and can't do."

Jamie remains quiet, sadness from the news and angry that she caused it. Bruce kisses Jamie's forehead, "Get some rest now."

Tony leans in closer, "You're going to be alright. I promise."

Jamie nods her head, closing her eyes to end the talking but the desire to be comforted wins. "Will you snuggle with me?"

Tony gets set up to sit on Jamie's bed near her head so he can snuggle with her. Jamie falls asleep quickly, a few tears remains that Tony wipes away.

Jamie sleeps straight through to the next morning. Tony is sitting on the reclining hospital chair next to Jamie's bed, asleep. Jamie opens her eyes and looks around, remembering where she is and why, the sobs begin to roll through her body. "Daddy?"

Tony responds right away, moving closer, "What's wrong, Baby Girl?"

"Daddy, I don't feel good. I'm scared."

"Worse than yesterday?"

"I feel sick."

Tony calls for Bruce who comes immediately. "She says she feels sick and she's shaking."

"Is it your stomach?"

"Yes, and my head feels funny."

Bruce directs his attention to the nurse, "Let's run a CT scan. Hopefully we can stop the medications soon."

Jamie turns to the side as she begins vomiting. Again, Tony is by her side as well as Bruce, comforting her. They help clean her up then begin to move her bed to the CT scanner. "Can Daddy come too?"

Bruce responds, "Sure."

Once the scan results are in, Bruce meets with the team except for Tony who was already informed while the scan was running. "The scan shows good improvement so we are stopping the medications. They were hard on her system so we are treating those symptoms right now."

"How is she?" Clint asks.

"She's sick much like if she had the flu."

"Can we see her?"

"She's still vomiting quite a bit and is shaky, maybe one or two people for brief periods of time."

Laura wants to go back right away to help her through this. She enters the room and immediately goes to Jamie's side, rubbing her back while she throws up.

"Bruce just started a medication to help with this part. It should be kicking in soon," Tony explains.

Jamie lies back against the partially raised head of her bed, still shaking. "I'm cold."

Tony asks the nurse for a blanket. She brings one that is already warmed to help Jamie warm up faster. "Thank you," Jamie says when the blanket is laid out over her. She starts to feel better within ten minutes or so, the vomiting ceases and she is much less shaky. Laura rubs Jamie's forehead and arm, tucking the covers around her. "Thanks, Mom."

"You're welcome, Jamie. I love you."

"I love you, too."

With her body settling down, Jamie falls asleep again.

Now that Jamie is asleep, the others come into the room as well, chatting with Bruce about her test results.

"So how is she doing?" Clint asks.

"The latest CT scan shows very little swelling left and her vision has completely returned. I think she is clear of the more serious issues. Right now, I would like to see her recover from the side effects of the medication. I want to keep her on the monitors for now but she will likely be able to leave later today."

"Will she need to continue to take the seizure medication?" Steve asks.

"I prefer to try without for now. I want each of us to have a remote to the device. We need to shut her down as soon as she starts something like this; the risk to her is too great if she tries this again."

Tony interjects, "We had a great talk yesterday, maybe she is on the verge of making some progress."

"Oh, I almost forgot, Jen's coming. Jamie's not ready but should we meet with her or cancel?" Steve surveys the room.

"We don't have anything new to talk about, we should cancel," Tony suggests feeling drained from caring for Jamie.

"Ok. I'll make the call," Steve says, "Unless Clint and Laura would like to talk to her."

Clint looks over at Laura who says, "I think we're ok."

"I'm going to go back in to check on Jamie, she doesn't feel as comfortable with Vision," Tony says then leaves the room, not wanting to be away from his daughter any longer than he has to be.

"Hi Kiddo, you're awake," Tony says seeing Jamie.

"You weren't here," Jamie whimpers.

"I'm sorry, Baby Girl. I just had to go take care of something. I'm back now," Tony consoles sitting down next to Jamie on the bed, bringing her into a hug.

When Jamie settles, Tony asks, "How are you feeling?"

"Better. Can I leave now?"

"Bruce will be in soon to check on you. We can ask him. You seem sad, are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm ok. I had a bad dream."

"What was it about?"

"Lizzy…dying," Jamie says with a fresh round of tears.

"I'm sorry, Baby Girl. How do you feel about it?"

"Sad. I really miss her. It makes me sad when I think about her never getting to grow up."

"Do you still feel mad at yourself for what happened?"

"No. I know that I did it but I couldn't help it. I didn't even know I could do that thing with my mind. It's Cross's fault and the boy's fault for having this power in the first place. I hate them both," Jamie scowls growing angrier as she talks.

"That's right, those things are not your fault," Tony gives Jamie another squeeze and kisses the top of her head.

"Daddy?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't know if I will try to hurt myself again. I think maybe I will still try again."

"Don't worry about that now. We are always watching so we can try to help before anything happens."

"But the mind thing, how can you help with that?"

"We will all have remotes to trigger the device from now on. We will use it before you can push too far."

"Oh."

"How do you feel about that?"

"Um, sort of scared, I guess, that it's so easy to turn me off. Scared and maybe frustrated because I won't have that to use anymore, unless I count passing out," Jamie sighs, "See, I think I will still try to hurt myself."

"Why do you think that?"

"I feel anxious when I don't have a way to hurt myself. It kind of feels safer. I don't know how to explain it."

"Hmm. It sounds like it a coping mechanism."

"What do you mean?"

"Coping mechanisms are things that we do to help us deal with emotions. Some are good for you like talking about what's bothering you, exercising in the gym, and snuggling. Others are not good for you like being by yourself, refusing to eat, running away, and hurting yourself. You can learn to choose better coping mechanisms."

"I like calling you 'Daddy.'"

"I like when you call me 'Daddy,'" Tony smiles, kissing Jamie's forehead.

Bruce enters the room, obviously waiting for the right time to enter. "How are you feeling?"

"Good. I want to leave now."

Bruce smiles knowing Jamie must be feeling better now that she has her spunk back. "Any lightheadedness?"

"No."

"How does your stomach feel?"

Jamie smiles mischievously knowing exactly what to say to sway Bruce into letting her leave, "Hungry."

Bruce notices Jamie's attempt to convince him to let her leave so he decides to let her try eating but is planning to keep a close eye on her while doing so. "Let's get you some food and see how your stomach reacts. Then, we can talk about leaving. Sound good?"

Jamie pouts, "Why can't I leave now and come back if I don't feel good?"

Using the oldest parenting line in the book, Bruce says smiling, "Because I said so," then gives Jamie a kiss on her head.

"Dad-deeee?" Jamie whines looking to Tony.

Tony chuckles, "Sorry, Kiddo, I can't argue with 'because I said so.'" Jamie continues pouting, trying to hide a smile.

Bruce orders toast and gelatin, keeping it light and lets everyone know that Jamie is awake and feeling better.

Steve, Nat, Clint and Laura enter Jamie's room at the infirmary, sharing lots of love and attention. Jamie soaks it up feeling loved and secure...lighter even. Once the food arrives, Jamie's stomach is less enthusiastic as she. However, being determined, Jamie tries to eat, first the toast. After a few bites, Jamie stops. Bruce is watching carefully, noticing her face scrunching up and paling, "How is the food going down?"

Jamie tries to fake a smile and gives a thumbs up. Steve notices the exchange so he requests that everyone leave except him and Bruce. Jamie is clearly perturbed with this turn of events but doesn't give up hope of leaving the infirmary.

Bruce asks, putting his hand on Jamie's shoulder for reassurance, "Jamie, are you starting to feel sick again?"

Jamie shakes her head.

"If you are starting to feel sick, I would rather you stop eating right now and give your stomach more time. I can give you a stomach pill to help with the sick feeling. Ok?"

Tears form along Jamie's eyes but she nods handing the plate of food to Bruce. Bruce kisses Jamie's forehead. "I promise, you will get to leave soon."

Jamie nods sadly then watches as Bruce leaves the room.

"I'm sorry, Kiddo. I know you were excited to leave," Steve consoles.

Steve moves to where Tony was sitting on Jamie's bed to snuggle her. Jamie cries some, more than would make sense for having to wait longer in the infirmary. "What's going on?"

"I'm so sorry I did this to myself."

Steve kisses Jamie's forehead, hugging her tighter. "Did you and Tony have a good talk about it?"

"Yeah," Jamie says, sniffing.

Steve continues to comfort the girl, rubbing soothing circles on her shoulder while snuggling with her. Jamie calms knowing she is loved.


	84. Chapter 84

Chapter 84

A few minutes go by, giving Jamie time to calm down. She spends time thinking about calling Tony 'Daddy' and Clint 'Dad.' "What did you call your dad?"

Steve looks down surprised at Jamie's question, "Um…well, I called him 'Poppa' or 'Pops.'"

"I'm going to call Clint 'Dad' and Tony 'Daddy.' What do you think about me calling you 'Poppa' or 'Pops?'"

Steve smiles, "I love it."

"I don't know what to call Bruce."

"You could ask him like you asked me."

"I feel like Bruce has different feelings about dads."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know, I think maybe Bruce hates his father."

"Did he tell you that?"

"No. I just feel like maybe that's the case. I don't know for sure that he would like to be called 'Dad.' I know he loves me but it's different with him."

Steve calls Laura and Clint into the room to be with Jamie while he talks to Bruce about this.

"Bruce, do you have a sec to talk?"

"Sure, what's up?"

"Jamie said something that I find unusual. I wanted to check in with you."

"Ok," Steve has Bruce's full attention.

"She is looking for different father names for all of us. She mentioned that she feels like you hate your father so she doesn't think she should give you a father name."

Bruce is clearly shaken by this news. "Well…I…I do hate my father. I don't know how she would know that though. I've never talked with her about that or anyone else for that matter."

"So, it's true, her perception was correct. This isn't the first time she sensed something about someone's feelings. Do you think she may have some empathic abilities?"

"With her, it's possible. She's right, I don't know how I would feel if she called me any father name. I would let her, knowing that it would mean she feels comfortable to do so, but it would be hard for me."

"We should look into this more, but I'm not sure who we would talk to though. Maybe I will check in with Nick. He might know who to contact. I want to be careful with this just like her protective layer, I don't want this information getting out beyond the team."

"Yeah, that makes sense. But, you know Nick's going to want to talk to Jamie about it, right?"

Steve chuckles and nods understanding how much Jamie will hate that.

Laura and Clint sit next to Jamie. "How are you feeling?"

"Better but Bruce still won't let me leave," Jamie pouts.

"It won't be long now," Laura reassures the girl, stroking her hair.

"Can I go to your house again soon?"

"Absolutely baby girl, maybe when you're feeling better," Clint says smiling.

"Thanks for coming Mom," Jamie says feeling loved.

"Jamie, I'm your mom now. I will always be here for you."

Jamie smiles, believing her.

Bruce enters the room holding a tray of gelatin and chicken soup. "How's your stomach feel?"

"Better."

"Ok, try to eat something. If you are able to eat without getting sick, you can leave the infirmary. Sound good?"

Jamie smiles and nods, accepting the tray. Both the gelatin and soup go down just fine so Bruce agrees to let Jamie leave. "You will have to take the backpack with you for IV fluids and oxygen."

Jamie nods.

Bruce insists that she take the wheelchair with her again.

"What?!" Jamie whines. "I hate the wheelchair."

"Sorry kiddo, wheelchair or stay in the infirmary. Your choice," Bruce declares definitively.

Jamie pouts but chooses, "Wheelchair."

Bruce chuckles softly, kissing Jamie's pouty face, then leaves to retrieve the chair. Despite her frustration with the chair, Jamie smiles feeling loved.

Everyone is waiting in the living area when Bruce pushes Jamie inside, who feels a little embarrassed that she has to be in a wheelchair. "I want you to take it easy, maybe snuggle with someone while watching a movie."

"Ok."

Quickly, Tony says, "I'll do it," then sets up the couch with himself and a pillow. Nat retrieves the teddy bear, rubbing Jamie's head when she delivers it.

"Thanks," Jamie says smiling.

Laura and Clint come over to Jamie. "Are you leaving now?" Jamie asks Laura trying to hide her disappointment.

Laura replies, "Yes, I should head home now. Is that alright?"

Jamie nods. "Thank you Mom."

Laura kisses Jamie's forehead. "Bye sweetheart."

"Bye."

"I'm going to head home too," Clint says, "I'll be back tomorrow morning for breakfast."

"Ok. Bye Dad." Jamie reaches up to give Clint a hug which he accepts with a smile then kisses Jamie on her forehead.

Tony brings Jamie into a hug, happy that she's doing better.

"I love you Daddy."

"Love you too baby girl."

The next two days continue much the same way. Jamie is stuck on the couch with IVs and oxygen and someone snuggles her all of the time. Although confined, Jamie feels loved and protected by all of her new parents.


	85. Chapter 85

Chapter 85

I'm finally free from the backpack. My arm feels itchy where the bandage is protecting the IV port's former location but Nat keeps telling me to leave it alone. It's been a couple of days since I cried, yelled, screamed or ran away. It seems weird to be happy about that but I am. I'm not sure what's changed but I feel more relaxed than I have in a long time.

With my new-found freedom, I lie on the couch reading the book that Laura picked up for me. Well, she actually bought me a new copy to keep because the other books had to be returned to the library. It's nice to have my own book. _I wonder where all of my old books are from home._ Steve enters the room, "Jen's coming after lunch."

My good mood is instantly squashed. "I don't want her to come."

"Why not, you've been doing good lately?"

"Exactly, she's going to ruin it."

"Well, you don't have to talk to her but it would be nice to at least let her know how things have been going the past few days."

"If I never talk to her why does she keep coming?" I ask grumpily crossing my arms over my chest.

"She's also helping us know how to help you."

I roll my eyes, "Then why do I have to be there? Can't you guys just meet with her and leave me out of it?"

"No."

"That's it, just no?"

"Yup," Steve gives me a cheeky grin that makes me want to smile infuriating me all the more.

I sigh in frustration that he won't give in. I return to reading my book, quickly becoming engrossed in the story again. I'm fascinated by the main character. She has special powers like I do but she isn't supposed to use them, she has to keep them hidden. _I wonder if I will be able to hide my special powers?_

Remembering the journal that Steve picked up for me to write things I don't want to say, I decide to write down these random thoughts. I don't know if anyone knows the answers yet but at least I will remember to ask them. The notebook is tucked away unused in my desk. It's weird, but I feel a little giddy about getting to walk to my room without a babysitter. In the journal entry, I include my concerns about having special powers but trying to be a normal kid and wondering about when I can have my old stuff back. I think about my old life. _I wonder how Sarah is doing. I miss her._

"There you are." Steve's voice startles me causing me to flinch. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm ok. You startled me, that's all."

"Ok. Well, lunch will be ready in a few minutes."

"Ok." Steve beings to walk away, "Hey, Poppa?"

"What's up?" Steve stops, turning around to look at me as he responds.

Biting my bottom lip, I ask, "I was wondering if I could have some of my old things back now."

Steve pauses for a moment, anxiety etched across his face. "Let's bring it up to Jen, ok?"

"I don't want to bring it up to Jen. I hate her. I never want to see her again." Tears begin to fall so I turn around quickly to hide that I'm crying from Steve. _I can't lose the little freedom that I've gained back._

"Jamie…"

"No, it's fine. Forget it."

"Jamie, we should talk about why you're upset."

"No, I don't want to talk about it. I'm fine!" I spit between clenched teeth trying to control my anger. _Why am I so angry?_

Steve takes a seat on my bed letting me know that he's not leaving until we talk. "Please, don't make me talk right now."

"Why not?"

"You just started to let me be alone for a little bit, I don't want to go back to having constant supervision."

"That's not a punishment."

"Whether it's intended to be or not, it is. It's the punishment for talking."

"It's not a punishment, it's extra protection. And I'm more likely to reinstate it for not talking when you're upset."

"So, it's a punishment for not talking?"

"No, that's not what I mean."

My arms are crossed tightly against my chest, refusing to risk losing the little freedom that I have now. Steve sighs, frustrated with me but I ignore him, feeling my own anger bubbling, like I could explode with the slightest spark. More people enter my room, everyone on hand to force me to talk. _I hate this!_ My body shakes trying to contain the scream that is on the verge of exploding but I don't want to have a problem. _They are ruining my good streak._ The thought fuels my anger, requiring me to double my effort to focus on controlling my breathing so I don't start yelling.

Feeling confident that I've kept my anger in check, regaining my composure, I turn around to see that my suspicions were accurate-everyone is in my room. I manage to redirect the attention away from me or at least delay it, "Is it time for lunch?"

I think being calm again surprises them. They look at each other briefly then Tony replies, "Yes, lunch is ready."

Replacing my now slightly used notebook in my desk drawer, I leave the room walking passed everyone as if nothing happened. _They will probably wait to pounce on me until Jen is here._ I grimace, feeling the anger percolating again but I'm able to keep it under control. Opting for the easy escape just in case, I take the seat at the end of the table closest to the kitchen's exit. A minute or so later, my parents enter the kitchen. _They were gone a long time, probably talking about when and how to pounce on me_.

Bruce made homemade macaroni and cheese; it's delicious, so I eat it all and drink my milk. As soon as I'm done, I start to stand but am halted by Steve's command, "Stay here with us."

"No!" I take off running down the hall to my room, slamming and locking my bathroom door then slamming my closet door. Relief fills me when I remember that I moved the hoodie harboring my contraband closer to the door a couple days ago just in case I wanted it but couldn't move away from the door. Taking a seat on the floor blocking the door, I jam my fingers in the gap between the wood floor and the bottom of the door then push out my forcefield so Vision can't get in. I love that I can do that, _being a kid with special abilities has its benefits_. I'm planning to stay in here until Jen leaves.

I find it weird that no one followed me, or maybe they did but they are being quiet. Either way, I'm happy to not have to fight with them. I'm sure I'll be in trouble for leaving when they told me to stay but I don't care. _What's the worst that they will do? Probably make me talk about it…Stupid. Ground me…Yes, please. Smack me…I don't want smacked but they wouldn't do that anyway. Supervision again…Maybe, my freedom wasn't going to last anyway. I'm pretty sure I already lost it._

 _I wonder if they will make me show them my legs and stomach._ With that realization, panic and fear set in, hard, threatening to crush me under its weight. Instinctively, my legs curl up, tucking my arms in between my legs and chest trying to feel less vulnerable. My body shakes as a few tears fall down my cheeks. _I wish one of my parents were here to hold me. I guess I could come out of my closet; one of them would be willing to hold me. But, I really don't want to see Jen. I'm going to wait, I need to wait until she leaves._

My fear continues to grow. _Other than being in Clint's loft asleep, this is the longest that I've been away from them._ I start to sob, _maybe they don't want me anymore._ I look at my watch. It's almost two o'clock. Jen will be leaving soon _. I hate that she's here, why won't she just stop coming!_

 _'_ _Are you allowed to move?' Crack, crack, crack. 'Are you allowed to make noise?' Crack, crack, crack._ I flinch with every flash of memory that hits me. The intensity of the memories is too much for me. Frantically, I grab a hanger and start to beat my arm with it as hard as I can. Clint pounds on the door, "Jamie, let me in!"

I know someone is pounding on my door but I don't let up, whipping my arm as hard as I can to make the flashes stop. My body goes into protection mode, feeling myself pushing on the protective layer, without trying. The last thing I hear before everything goes black is Clint saying, "Use the remote."

I wake on my bed, with my parents surrounding me. They each have disgusted, anxious looks that I can't stand to see, looking away to avoid eye contact, focusing instead on the intense pain in my forehead. Bruce quickly examines me, "How are you feeling?"

"My head hurts," I whimper.

Bruce nods, expecting this side effect.

"I think she's alright," Bruce says to the others.

Steve's stern voice scares me, "Jamie, we need to talk about this."

I don't respond, not wanting to deal with any of this right now, scared to face Steve's anger.

"Come on, let's go to the couch."

"No!" I yell then roll over, wanting to hide from them.

"You can either walk on your own or I will take you there."

I start to cry hating the disappointment and frustration in his voice.

With a heavy sigh, Steve mutters, "Ok," then reaches for my arms.

"No, no. Stop!" I cry harder, "Please, stop."

"Will you walk on your own?"

I don't respond so Steve and Clint continue to move me to the living room. My screaming and kicking and wrenching my body have no effect, they move me without any trouble. When they turn the corner to the living room, I see Jen. I completely lose control, screaming and trying to get away as if my life depends on it.

They continue to the couch uninterrupted, Jen and the others bring chairs close to me, sitting directly in front of me, blocking my kicking. I manage to kick Jen a few times but she doesn't seem phased. I really feel like my life depends on avoiding this talk with Jen here. _I don't trust her, I hate her!_ It doesn't take long until I start to get tired. I don't have enough strength to kick any longer. They allow me to bring my knees up to my chest but they keep their hands on my legs near my ankles so they can block any further kicking.

"Calming down?" Steve asks.

I don't respond, I just stare at Jen, hating her, my breathing ragged and my cheeks hot and wet from tears.

"I'm not going to make you talk with Jen but you have to at least be here for a bit. Ok?"

I nod, not looking away from Jen. I need to make sure I'm safe.

Steve begins to talk to Jen. "The past couple of days have been great so was this morning until I mentioned that you were coming. Jamie asked if she could have some of her old things and I suggested we talk to you first."

"Ok, so something about my presence makes you feel vulnerable, scared maybe?"

I growl, still fuming.

"Do you know what bothers you about me coming here?"

I look away slightly, not willing to talk about this, especially with her.

"Do I specifically make you feel vulnerable or is talking with someone new more the problem?"

"Talking. Anyone like the other lady," I growl hating this, hating her.

"Ok. So, you're afraid that I will be like the counselor who was controlled by Cross, you're afraid of that happening again?"

Jen notices my nearly imperceptible nod, my face revealing how much I hate her.

"I want to spend time getting to know you without needing to talk about anything, like when we played video games or ate lunch together. What do you think about that, spending time together, so we can get to know each other?"

I just stare at her. _Why is she still talking!?_

"Anything that you want to ask me or say before I go?"

I shake my head with a low growl.

Jen smiles but I see the concern on her face, "Ok, Jamie, I'll see you again tomorrow."

"Tomorrow! Why tomorrow?" I ask, bordering on yelling, fear and anger reignited, while looking at Steve.

Jen responds calmly, "I need to spend time with you in order for us to get to know each other."

I start to cry. _Not only did I not miss this appointment but now I have to do another one tomorrow!_

"I promise, you won't have to talk to me, let's just hang out."

Fear hits hard. I begin to shake. Steve repositions me on his lap. "Do you want me to hold you tight?"

I shake my head. _No, I don't want to be restrained around her. I need to be able to fight or run._ Steve holds me, cradling my head against his chest with his hand. I keep Jen in my line of sight.

Jen asks my parents, "Are you guys ok?"

They nod, confident they can help me calm down.

"Ok, I'm going to leave now." Bruce walks Jen out.

My eyes remain on her until she turns the corner then I listen for the door to shut, needing to make sure I'm safe.


	86. Chapter 86

Chapter 86

With Jen gone, Steve asks, "Now, do you want me to hold you tight?"

I nod.

Steve wrapping his arms around me while my knees are against my chest with my arms folded between my chest and legs. "You can tell me to stop at any time."

I nod then push against his hold feeling that it's tight.

In the safety of Steve's arms, I let go, quickly falling apart, crying harder and shaking. I don't know exactly why I'm so scared but Jen being here is awful. After several minutes, I feel myself begin to calm down. The threat has passed, I'm safe again with my parents.

"Calming down?" Tony asks.

I look up at him and nod.

Steve checks in, "Ready for me to let go?"

I shake my head. I'm having a hard time calming my body.

Several more minutes pass before I feel ready.

"Should we talk about your arm while I'm holding you or should I let go first?"

"While you're holding me."

"Ok. Why did you run into your closet?"

"To get away from Jen." Anger seeps in again thinking about having to meet with that woman.

"Ok, so you're afraid that Cross will be able to use Jen to hurt you?"

I nod.

"Why is today scarier than many of the other times that Jen was here?"

"I don't know. I feel more…um…scared, like I'm in danger."

"Ok. What happened with your arm?"

Tears begin to fall again, my anger being replaced with fear, my voice shaky from crying and being scared. "I was already scared because Jen was coming then I started having flashes of memories from being hurt. I was really scared. Hurting my arm helped to calm me some but then someone pounded on the door and I got even more scared so my mind started its thing but I wasn't trying to make it move, I promise."

"It's ok baby girl, no one is mad at you. I know you didn't mean to move the layer."

Several more minutes pass with Steve holding me. I feel myself calming down.

"How are you feeling now?"

"Better. Calmer."

"Good. Ready for me to let go?"

I nod.

Steve slowly loosens his grip. When I am able to move again, I turn so I am snuggling Steve. Steve kisses the top of my head, "I love you baby girl."

"I love you too, Poppa."

Steve squeezes a little tighter, enjoying that I called him 'Poppa.'

"Jamie, I want Bruce to look at your arm. Will you let him check you out?"

I nod.

Bruce looks at my arm, "We should take an x-ray just to be sure the bone is ok."

I sigh, not wanting a trip to the infirmary but accepting it as the consequence.

"Want me to go with you?" Steve asks.

I nod.

We return from the infirmary with good news from the x-ray, the bone is not broken.

"We need to come up with better coping mechanisms for when you're scared," Steve suggests. "Jen gave us suggestions for alternatives to self-harm. You could snap a rubber band on your arm or leg, hold an ice cube tightly, or Tony could do more boxing with you or we could even put a bag in your room."

"Really, I can hurt myself in ways that do less damage?"

"Well, I don't feel completely comfortable with it. I'm only mentioning it now because it may have helped you today to use a rubber band or something. I know you were hiding in your closet for a reason but maybe we could plan to have someone hold you when Jen is here instead of hiding. What do you think?"

I growl, "Argh! Why do I have to see her? I don't care if the rest of you talk to her, does she really need me to be there to help you?"

"We want her to be able to help you too."

"But why? I already have all of you and Dr. Strange to help me, why do I also need her?"

Tony interjects, "She has a point. We could still meet with her about Jamie. Why put her through this every time?"

Irritated, Steve admonishes, "Tony, let's wait to talk about that until we can all meet."

"Humph! You mean when you can meet without me there," I retort with a hint of sadness and anger. "Well, go ahead, I'll wait in my room!" I stomp off to my bedroom, flop down on my bed, holding my teddy bear so my face is partially covered.

Vision comes into my room a minute later, "Hi Jamie. Would you prefer that I sit on the chair or would you like to snuggle?"

"Sit on the chair!" I spit, furious about the Jen thing, mad at Steve for not wanting to talk around me, and angry that they called Vision to babysit me. _I knew I would lose my little bit of freedom,_ I think bitterly _._

"As you wish." Vision sits down, straight back, perfect posture and looks at me, well stares at me. _I hate when they send him in to babysit._

Steve begins, irritated, "Why would you say that in front of her? We are supposed to be on the same side, talking about how to handle things together."

"Ok, I get it. I should have waited until we were meeting. But, really, why should we put her through this over and over. She's not ready right now. She had an awful experience with the counselor and now she's learning to trust again. We're finally making headway probably because she didn't have that experience with any of us. I think we should continue to consult with Jen, give Jamie a break from it then come back to it later when she is doing better."

"Jen's job is to help her get better. We haven't given it long enough. She's only been meeting with her for two months. That's not enough time to say that it's not working."

"Did you see her arm? I would say we gave it plenty of time," Tony refutes, his voice raised. Steve looks down, upset about the self-harm. "She was fine until she heard that Jen was coming."

Clint listens to both sides then weighs in, "I think we should consult with Jen but give Jamie a break from meeting with her. Tony's right, she can't even begin to work with her because of what happened with Cartwright. Maybe after implementing Jen's suggestions for a while, Jamie will be in a place to start over with her. She's not benefiting from these sessions directly, we are."

Nat chimes in, "Sorry Steve, I agree with Tony and Clint. I think we should pull the plug for now as long as we can continue to meet with her."

Steve looks at Bruce, "What do you think?"

"I don't know what's best for her. I know she hurt herself today because she was scared to meet with Jen and she hurt herself that day with Clint when she was told it was time to meet with her. I agree that we should continue to meet with Jen to discuss what's going on but I don't think Jamie is able to accept Jen as someone she can trust, not yet anyway."

Steve knows that he lost, that decisions regarding Jamie aren't only about what he thinks is best. Steve roughly rubs his face, "Ok, let's talk to Jen about making the change, at least for now."

"I'll call her," Tony chirps, happy with the result then leaves the room.

"I hope this is the right decision," Steve worries, looking out the window.

Nat puts her hand on Steve's shoulder, "I think it's the best choice for her at least for now. There's no reason we can't bring her back in later."

Steve nods, realizing Nat is right.

Tony returns ten minutes later, "Jen agrees. She was actually going to suggest switching to consultation only for a while if things didn't go well tomorrow. We will meet with Jen next Tuesday."

"Let's go tell Jamie," Tony says excited to give her the news.

When they enter the room, Vision promptly puts his pointer finger to his lips to signal to the team to be quiet. Jamie fell asleep. Clint moves closer, "Hey guys, she's sucking her thumb again."

This information feels like confirmation that changing the arrangement with Jen was the right choice, she only sucks her thumb when she feels especially scared or vulnerable.

"It was a rough couple of hours, we should let her nap," Nat says.

Clint interjects, "I'll stay with her."

I slept for an hour, but my afternoon nap left me feeling groggy. When I spot Clint, I instantly feel loved, smiling, "Hi Dad!"

Clint smiles moving to sit on my bed to give me a hug, "Hi baby girl, I love that smile." Clint places a kiss on my cheek. I smile, loving the attention and having my dad with me again. Hiding in the closet felt so lonely and scary.

"The team talked. We decided to put Jen on hold, at least having you meet with her. The team will still meet with her to talk about you and how we can best help. Sound good?"

My eyes light up, I nod enthusiastically, excited that they listened and that I don't have to talk to Jen. I wrap my arms around Clint, a few tears falling, happy and relieved. "Thank you!"

Clint gives me another kiss. "Ready to get up?"

I nod.

I'm so excited. I run out to the living room and right onto Tony's lap. "Thanks Daddy!" I boom.

Tony chuckles, "I guess you heard the news."

"Yeah, Dad told me. I'm so happy you listened to me," I cry, wrapping my arms around him tightly, feeling I can't get close enough.

Tony hugs me back, "Love you baby girl."

It occurs to me that Steve might be upset. I look over at him, assessing his mood. "Are you mad at me?"

Steve opens his arms for me to sit on his lap, "No baby girl, I'm not mad. We talked, made the decision together. I'm ok with putting things on hold with Jen."

I smile, hugging Steve, happy that he's not mad.

Steve holds me for a while, both enjoying the snuggle time.

An uncomfortable thought pops in my head, "You all spend every day dealing with me, what did you do before I came?"

Steve looks over at the others, surprised by my question. "Well, when there are big things happening in the world that need our help we would go, help where we could. Most of the time we trained or trained new recruits."

"Will you continue to do those things?"

"Yeah, I think so, most of it anyway. There are other people who help with a lot of it now, especially since we spent so much time training new people. They are able to handle a lot of the problems that come up."

"But will you still do the Avenger's stuff?"

"I don't know what the future will hold for us. But we will always be your parents first. Ok?"

I nod, unsure of what I wanted him to say.

"Are you worried that something will happen to us, that you will lose us?"

I nod but immediately feel guilty about feeling that way and worried that they won't want me if I don't accept them as Avengers. "I don't want you to stop. I just…"

Steve gives me a squeeze and kisses my head, "We will always take care of you first, ok?"

I nod.

Clint switches gears, "Want to throw the ball around or shoot?"

I nod, smiling.

We play together outside until dinner time. First shooting then throwing the softball. I love playing outside with Dad. We walk back inside together talking about all of the cool things we did while playing.

"Sounds like you two had fun," Nat comments.

"Yeah!" I purr excitedly.

Steve brings over a roast, mashed potatoes and green beans. I eat everything on my plate. "That was really good."

"Thank you," Steve smiles at my compliment.

"That was delicious Steve, thanks. I should be heading home now," Clint says watching my reaction.

I feel the familiar sadness creep in.

"Do you want to go with me?" Clint asks seeing my mood change.

I look up at him, then remember my arm. I rub the dark bruise feeling ashamed. I shake my head. _I don't want Laura or the kids to see this._

"You don't want to go because of your arm, because they will see it?"

I nod.

"What if we wrapped it? It would still look like you were injured but they wouldn't see the bruise."

"Ok," I respond but I don't feel completely confident.

Bruce grabs some gauze and wraps my arm while Nat packs a bag for me. "Can I have another roll for tomorrow morning?"

"Sure kiddo."

Clint watches me looking at my arm. "One of the kids may ask. You can just say that it's injured, ok?"

I nod. "Does Laura know about it yet?"

"No, but I was going to tell her about it tonight. Do you want me to call her on the way to let her know so she doesn't ask?"

I nod, still feeling ashamed.

"Ok. Ready to go?"

I nod, grabbing my bag from Nat, who gives me a quick hug and says, "Have a great night sweetie."

"Ok, thanks Mom."

Nat freezes for a second then brings me in for another hug then kisses the top of my head.

I also say goodbye to Bruce, Tony and Steve before setting off with Clint.


	87. Chapter 87

Chapter 87

Too nervous to listen to Clint's call to Laura about my arm, I sit in the back of the plane out of earshot. I don't want to hear what he's saying or her reaction.

"You can come up front now, I'm done talking to Laura."

I join Clint in the front of the plane, sit in the seat next to him. "Was she mad?"

"No baby girl. She's sad that you were so upset but she's very excited that you are coming with me tonight."

I smile, relieved.

The rest of the trip is uneventful. When we arrive, I walk next to Clint, holding his hand, inside where everyone is waiting for Clint to come home. "Daddy!" Lila squeals when the door opens. As soon as Clint walks inside the house, Lila is in his arms. "Jamie!" Lila wiggles out of her dad's arms then quickly moves to me for a hug but stops short when she spots my arm, "What happened?" Lila asks, pointing to my arm.

"It's ok, it's just a little hurt," I respond, uncomfortable but grateful that it's covered.

Cooper and Laura are waiting for their turn for hugs. Then, Clint scoops up Nathaniel who was crawling on the floor.

"He's crawling now?" I asked surprised.

"Yeah, he just started this week. He's growing up so fast," Laura says putting her arm around me. "I'm so happy you are here. I picked up another book from the _Gifted_ series for you."

"Thanks, Mom," I say, flipping through the pages, feeling special that she thought of me.

We all meet in the living room for family time. Laura brought a tray of cookies and several glasses of milk for a snack while we all chat. I decide to sit on the couch next to Clint to feel less vulnerable. I don't know why I feel a little scared but I'm glad it's not a problem.

"We should play a game while Laura puts Nathaniel to bed," Clint suggests.

The kids both say ok and I nod. Clint pulls out a board game and we all pick our pieces.

"Hey, I wanted to be blue!" Cooper yells, angry.

I willingly give Cooper the piece so he stops being mad.

"Wait," Clint says to me then turns his attention to his son. "Cooper, it's ok to ask for the blue piece but you yelled at her. You need to apologize," Clint scolds.

Cooper slams his hand on the table then storms off to his room slamming the door. I flinch at the loud, angry noises.

Clint immediately checks in with me. "Are you ok?"

I nod but am frozen.

"You're ok, right Jamie?" Lila says rubbing my arm.

I nod again.

"Cooper was so mean. I'm sorry Jamie," Lila chimed in trying to make me feel better.

After Nathaniel is put in bed, Laura comes downstairs, Clint meeting her at the bottom of the steps, "Cooper just yelled at Jamie over which game piece to use. I'm going to go talk to him. Will you stay with Jamie?"

Laura nods, concern etched on her face. She walks over to sit on the couch then pats the seat next to her when I look over at her. I comply, sitting next to my new mom, who comfortingly wraps her arms around me. I can hear Cooper crying and yelling, still flinching at his angry yells. He is mad that I'm here because Clint already spent all day with me and both Laura and Clint spent some nights with me. I purposely don't say anything because I don't want to get any more upset than I already am and I know that I don't really belong here. I don't want to lose it here, at Clint's house in front of Lila. I'm doing everything that I can to keep myself from running out the door or hiding in my bathroom. I'm glad that Laura is sitting with me, hopefully that means she won't want to stop being my mom.

Clint comes downstairs after about twenty minutes. "He's going to bed now and he can't leave his room except to go to the bathroom until he apologizes," Clint says, obviously irritated.

Clint comes over and sits next to me. "How are you doing?" he asks me while touching my arm. I flinch.

"I'm not mad at you and Cooper will be fine. He's just upset right now but it's something that Laura and I need to work on with him, it's not something for you to worry about. Cooper is just getting used to having another sister. Remember, I told you that there would be times like this but we will work them out. You aren't going anywhere, I promise. Can I hold you?"

I look toward the stairs, unsure if I should let Clint hold me. I shake my head and move away from Laura, opting to sit on the floor next to Lila. I don't want to cause any more problems tonight. Clint rubs the back of his head and sighs.

Frustrated, Clint asks, "Would you like me to call Steve to come?"

I nod.

Clint pulls out his phone while walking into the kitchen so I can't hear. About ten minutes later, Dr. Strange brings Steve.

"Come on kiddo, let's go for a walk," Steve directs.

I hesitate but comply. After we clear the porch, Steve begins, "I heard Cooper's upset."

I nod.

"How are you feeling about that?"

I shrug my shoulders, wrapping my arm around my middle gripping my other arm right above my elbow, not wanting to talk about it.

"Jamie," Steve says, kneeling in front of me with his hands just below my shoulders, "How are you feeling about Cooper getting mad?"

I start to cry, turning my face away so Steve doesn't see me cry. I hear him sigh. "Would you prefer to talk to me while I hold you tight?"

I think for a moment then nod.

"Should we sit under the tree by the shooting range or at the lake?"

I point to the shady area under the tree.

Steve smiles and takes my hand then says, "Come on."

I hold Steve's hand while we walk to the tree. Steve sits on the ground first with his back up against the tree then opens his arms for me to sit on the ground right in front of him. I curl my legs up to my chest with my arms tucked between my chest and legs. Steve wraps his arms around me then puts his leg around my ankles. "Remember, you can tell me to stop at any time."

I nod, acknowledging that I understand.

"Ok, so…how do you feel about Cooper being mad?"

"I don't like it. I don't want anyone to be mad at me. I wish Clint didn't say anything about it, I didn't mind giving him the piece he wanted."

"Do you understand why Clint addressed it with him?"

"No. It just made Cooper madder."

"Clint wants Cooper to treat you with the same respect that he has to treat everyone else with. If he didn't address it then Cooper might be mean to you again to get what he wants."

"But what he really wants is time with Clint, instead of me getting so much."

"Right so would it be ok if Cooper got mad and yelled at you every time he felt neglected?"

"No. But it's my fault that Clint is spending so much time with me. I've been really bad so he needs to keep an eye on me all of the time. Cooper should be mad at me."

"You didn't do anything wrong. Clint and Laura definitely don't think it's your fault either. Every kid needs different things, right now you need more supervision and attention. Clint and Laura will find ways to help Cooper to understand and will give him more when he needs it. You know, it's not easy taking care of multiple kids so it will take some time for Clint and Laura to figure out the right balance. Honestly, kiddo, you're not a problem that needs fixed, this is just part of being in a family. They love you and want you. Even Cooper. You know how sometimes you're mad at me?"

"Yeah."

"Well, it's the same way in all families. Sometimes someone will be mad at someone else but that doesn't mean that they still don't love each other. Understand?"

"Yeah, I guess so," I start to cry thinking about my real fears, "I'm afraid that I will lose my mom and dad."

"You won't, I promise." Steve kisses my head then adjusts so I am sitting on his lap snuggling. "I love you so much, baby girl, and so do Clint and Laura. Everything will work out, you'll see."

I start to calm down, not really sure if I believe him or not but I am willing to try. I really do want to be a part of this family.

"Do you think I should just go back home tonight?"

"No. I think you should stay here so Clint and Laura have a chance to work things out with Cooper. I'm sure Clint will want him to apologize."

"I don't want him to apologize, that might make him madder."

"Jamie, I'm sure Cooper will want to apologize once his parents help him to see that he was wrong for treating you that way and you will have the chance to say that you forgive him. Then, it will be over and you and Cooper can go back to having fun together."

Steve cradles my head, giving me a few kisses, helping me to calm down and feel loved.

"How are you feeling now?"

"Better."

"Do you want me to stay here tonight?"

"No, I think I will be alright."

"Ok, kiddo. If that changes, have Clint call me. Ok?"

"Ok. Thanks for coming, Poppa."

Steve squeezes a little tighter, "I love you baby girl."

"I love you too."

Steve walks me back inside, me holding his hand, soaking up the security I find in his presence to counteract the anxiety I feel about going back inside, not wanting to deal with anyone being mad. It's already eight o'clock so Lila and Cooper will be going to bed so maybe I can get some extra snuggle time in with Clint and Laura before my bedtime. When we enter the house, I pause seeing Cooper sitting on the couch, his face blotchy. _He was crying_. Steve provides some reassurance, encouraging me to walk into the living room. I sit down on the chair, away from Cooper, neither of us looking at each other.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you. I'm not really mad at you, it's just weird having a new sister all of a sudden."

"It's ok. I know it's weird, I feel it too sometimes."

"You two should spend some time together tomorrow morning, you both like to play baseball," Clint suggests.

"Ok," we both respond excitedly at the same time smiling.

"Alright, Coop, time for bed."

"Ok. Goodnight, Dad. Goodnight, Jamie. Goodnight, Steve."

Cooper heads upstairs to get ready for bed.

Clint turns his attention to me. "How are you doing?"

"I'm ok."

Steve sits down on the couch. I think he wants me to say more. Clint is also just sitting there looking at me, I guess he wants me to say more too. I sigh heavily.

"I already talked to Steve do I really need to talk with you too?"

"Yes, please. I want to know how you're feeling," Clint responds.

I look over at Steve who nods slightly. "I'm afraid that you and Laura won't want me here if Cooper doesn't like me. I don't want to make Cooper mad so I wish you hadn't said anything about it. I didn't mind just giving Cooper the piece so he wouldn't be mad at me."

Clint moves closer to me, kneeling in front of me. "Jamie, we love you. You are now part of this family. It's an adjustment for everyone but it's an adjustment that we want to make and its mine and Laura's job to make sure that everyone is ok. We saw that Cooper is struggling some so now we will work with him more to help him through this change. But, regardless of how he feels, it's not ok for him to yell at you. We talked to him about how he was feeling and we helped him to ask for what he wants in an appropriate way."

"Ok," I say, unsure if I believe him.

"He already calls you his sister and was really happy that you helped Lila when she had her accident. I think you two just haven't spent enough time together yet. So tomorrow the three of us will spend some time outside playing catch together, maybe we will all go swimming."

My body tenses with fear.

"Right, your legs and your arm. We don't have to go swimming. It's alright, I wasn't thinking. Playing catch, sound good?"

I nod.

Clint looks over at Steve to see if there's anything else that needs addressed. In response, Steve says, "Well, I think it's time for me to leave."

I nod then move to sit on Steve's lap for a few minutes until Dr. Strange comes back.

Once Steve leaves, Clint turns on a movie and gets things set up for snuggles. I lay my head on the pillow propped up on Clint's lap. When Laura comes back downstairs from tucking Cooper and Lila into bed, she picks up my legs and places them on her lap once she is sitting on the couch. I love being right here with my mom and dad. Before long, I fall asleep.

* * *

"How was Cooper when you tucked him in?" Clint asks Laura once Jamie's breathing evened out.

"I think he was really sorry that he yelled at Jamie. He needs some special time with you."

"I will try to do some special things with him and I want him and Jamie to spend some time together. They don't have a bond yet. It was easy with Lila because of her sister but it might be harder with Cooper."

"Yeah, I agree. It's an adjustment for all of us but I'm so happy we're doing it. Jamie really is a wonderful girl."

Clint rubs Jamie's forehead, "Yes, she is. She was upset with me for intervening, worried that Cooper would be more upset with her. We will have to watch that closely. I don't want her to let others treat her poorly just so they won't be mad."

"Yeah, Cooper was way out of line. I understand why she might feel that way though. She thinks if she doesn't cause any problems here then everyone will like her and accept her. I don't want her to feel like her position here is so fragile. Hopefully she starts to see that we aren't going to give up on her," Laura says, wanting her daughter to feel loved and accepted.

"It's hard for her to not take the blame. Jen explained it to us-she feels like accepting the blame gives her more control over the situation, like if she just tries harder then it will work or she won't be hurt again. Giving up blame means that she wasn't in control which for her is a lot scarier, makes her feel more vulnerable. She has made some progress with putting the blame on Cross for her family's deaths but I think she still holds onto the blame for the abuse. Although, she does seem mad at the neighbor kid for her father's death." Clint chuckles sadly, "Sometimes, I don't think she knows what to do with all of this. She wants to be mad at them but she's also mad at herself."

"How about her arm, that was just from Jen coming? You don't usually see her have such an intense reaction, right?"

"Well, she usually does have a strong reaction but this is only the second time that she's hurt herself because of it. I think with working on moving the blame away from herself, she's feeling more vulnerable. Maybe that's why today was worse. We decided to stop having her see Jen, at least for now. The team will still meet with her though. We should try to bring you in on the meetings, too. Jen seems to really understand where she's at and what to expect next."

"I would like that. I wish we had her all of the time. She feels like my daughter but also not. Sharing a child with the others adds an interesting dynamic. This decision was made for her but I wasn't even a part of it."

"I'm sorry babe. We should have included you. I'll work on that."

Laura smiles, "Thanks."

Clint looks down at Jamie, cooing over how adorable she looks when she's sleeping, "Well, I guess I should carry our sleepy head up to bed."

Clint carefully picks Jamie up and carries her upstairs to her bed. Laura helps, moving the covers then covering her back up. Clint checks Jamie's bag, finding her teddy bear tucked inside. Laura stays in the room while Clint gets ready for bed then kisses Jamie goodnight. He gets set up on the cot, partially blocking the door so he will wake up if Jamie tries to leave the room. Bruce added the alarm but he stills feels safer blocking the door, the memory of Jamie huddled in the pantry still painful especially when he thinks about the other dangers she could have gotten into.

* * *

 _'_ _Jamie, Jamie, why did you hurt me?' Lizzy says crying, fading into darkness. "No, Lizzy, don't go, Lizzy!"_

I wake up screaming, drenched in sweat, shaking. Clint gets to me quick, pulling me onto his lap. "You're ok, baby girl, everything's ok. It was just a dream."

Cooper opens the door, concerned after hearing me scream. "Dad, what's going on?"

"It's ok buddy. Jamie just had a bad dream. You can go back to bed, I'll take care of it."

Cooper goes to his room but returns with his ninja turtle toy that lights up. "Here, this helps me when I have bad dreams. The ninja turtle will kick your bad dream's butt," Cooper says while handing the turtle to me. I accept the gift, still shaking and crying from my dream, but smile feeling better.

Clint smiles, "That's really kind of you to share your turtle light with Jamie." Clint gives Cooper a side hug and a kiss. "Thanks, buddy."

Cooper smiles then goes back to bed. I look at the turtle in my hands, feeling my body calming down. "Better?"

I nod then get back into bed putting the turtle light on my nightstand. Clint rubs my forehead, brushing the stray hairs from around my face. I smile, looking at the turtle, "That was really nice of Cooper."

"Yeah, it was. See, he does love you."

I smile and nod, happy that my little brother loves me. _Maybe this will work._

I'm able to sleep quickly, with Cooper's light next to me, having good dreams the rest of the night.


	88. Chapter 88

Chapter 88

The next morning, Lila runs into my room, jumping on the bed excitedly. "Jamie, wake up!" Lila squeals, barely able to contain her joy with my sleepover.

Groggily, I roll over, smiling at my new little sister. It's amazing how much I missed having a little sister.

Clint was already awake sitting on the cot, watching Lila and me talking.

"You girls ready for breakfast?"

"Yeah," we both say at the same time.

Clint gets out our favorite breakfast, making a bowl for each of us. Lila and I sit at the table eating and talking, well, it was mostly Lila talking, sharing a funny part from the book that Laura read to her last night.

Cooper comes downstairs a little later still in pajamas, taking his seat at the table. I feel a little nervous about being around him. Although he was nice to me during the night

"Thanks for letting me use the turtle lamp," I say checking to see if Cooper is still mad. "It helped."

"No problem," Cooper says smiling then grabs the cereal box, pouring himself a bowl.

When I'm done eating Laura takes me upstairs to shower. I can't help it, I'm scared. "I don't want to shower."

"Honey, you need to shower. I will stay in the bedroom unless you need me and you can have the door closed."

"If I have to shower then I don't want to be checked afterward. I promise I won't do anything."

"What has Nat been doing?"

I growl, crossing my arms tightly against my chest, "Checking me but I try to avoid showering altogether. Hulk holds me and he's not here." My face is flush with embarrassment and shame.

Laura is torn on what to do but I can tell she's considering my request. "Let me check with Clint," Laura says then hollers downstairs for Clint to come up.

He is upstairs in less than thirty seconds, with concern etched on his face. I sigh, _Whoa, he came up here so fast, he must think I'm being bad._ He looks at me first checking to see if I'm ok then turns his attention to Laura. Clint shuts the door so we can have privacy. "What's up?"

"Jamie doesn't want to be checked after her shower. She mentioned that Hulk isn't here to hold her and that she's been avoiding showers so she doesn't have to be checked."

Clint looks at me again, I assume he's assessing how likely I am to hurt myself. "You seem like you're doing ok so we won't check you unless that changes. Ok?"

I smile, "Ok!"

The shower feels amazing with the warm water running over me. I haven't been able to really enjoy a shower in a while. Although, I'm mindful not to take too long so they don't worry and insist that I be checked after all. To help ease their concerns, I open the door after I'm dressed to brush my teeth.

I remember my arm, seeing the nasty bruise. Bruce gave me more gauze but I actually don't know how to put it on. _Should I ask for Clint or let Laura help me?_ I feel some panic brewing but I want to start to let Laura help with this stuff. "Mom, can you help me with something?"

"Sure honey, what do you need?"

"I want to wrap my arm again so Lila and Cooper don't see the bruise."

"Ok, sure. Come sit over here."

Laura leads me to the bench under the bay window taking the roll of gauze. My body trembles but I really want to trust Laura. She's my mom now so I don't want to keep being afraid of whether or not she thinks I'm bad. _Laura doesn't think I'm bad. She already knows about this stuff and she still loves me_.

After I've calmed myself some, I reach out my arm, holding my breath while she takes in the sight of the ugly injury. Laura gently grasps my arm, softly running her fingers over the bruise. "I'm sorry you have been struggling so much. Want to talk about what happened?" Laura offers, her eyes misty.

I debate sharing some of the details with her but decide to simply shake my head. I'm not ready to go that deep yet with Laura nor do I want to ruin my good mood by thinking and talking about stuff. She seems content that I asked her for help with wrapping my arm. "Ready to go play?"

"Yeah." Laura kisses my forehead then I run downstairs eager to get started. When my feet reach the final step, I freeze seeing Clint holding Cooper like he holds me. I'm not sure if I should go into the room or go somewhere else. Fortunately, Laura comes downstairs shortly after me.

"You can go in the living room or you can come help me in the kitchen," Laura whispers seeing my concern.

Opting to avoid the awkward vibe in the living room, I follow Laura into the kitchen and help her take care of the dishes from breakfast while Cooper and Clint finish snuggling.

About ten minutes later, Clint enters the kitchen, "Ready to go play?"

"Yeah."

"Your glove is in your closet."

"Ok," I say then run upstairs to get my glove which I find quickly then meet up with Cooper and Clint outside.

The three of us throw the ball to each other for a while. Cooper throws the ball to Clint, Clint throws the ball to me, then I throw the ball to Cooper. We are quiet for a while, feeling each other out. Of course Clint tries to get conversation started, pointing out some of the things we have in common. It's not long before we are talking about some of Tony's inventions and our favorite books.

When there's a lull in the conversation, Clint turns the game of catch into fielding practice with Cooper and I working together to field then cover our assigned pretend bases. Cooper's pretty good. "Do you play on a team?" I ask, impressed with his skills.

"Yeah. The season ended a while ago though."

We continue to play, commenting on each other's good plays and offering encouraging words when we miss.

Clint interrupts, "Hey, can you guys play together for a few minutes, I need to get something."

"Ok," we both say then begin to throw the ball back and forth together.

"Want me to throw some pop-ups?" I ask.

"Yeah sure."

I throw the ball up in the air but it's nowhere near Cooper. "Sorry."

"No big deal." Cooper says, retrieving the wild throw then throwing me a pop-up.

After a few minutes, Clint comes back outside. "How's it going?"

"Good," Cooper and I respond simultaneously continuing to throwing the ball back and forth.

* * *

With a grin, Clint sits on the porch swing watching his son and the newest member of the family playing and having fun together.

"Looks like it worked," Laura says, coming up from behind him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, giving him a quick peck on his cheek.

Clint holds onto his wife's arm that is resting along his shoulder and clavicle. "Yeah. They actually have a lot in common. You should have seen Cooper last night when Jamie woke up from the nightmare. He came in her room, concerned. Then he lent her his turtle night light. Can you believe that? He insists that he needs that thing in order to sleep but he freely gave it to Jamie. He really wanted to help her feel safe. I have never been prouder of Cooper than in that moment."

"He has a big heart, like his father." Laura grins, thinking how adorable her husband looks when he is being a dad.

"What are you grinning about?" Clint says playfully.

"You. I love you so much." Laura places another kiss on Clint's cheek before joining him on the swing. Clint blushes.

* * *

After a while, Cooper pauses suggesting we get a drink. I follow Cooper toward the front porch. "Hey Mom, can we have something to drink?" Cooper asks.

"Absolutely. Lemonade or ice water?"

"Lemonade!" Cooper and I cheer simultaneously. Laura chuckles then heads inside to get our drinks.

"Did you two have fun?" Clint asks while we wait for our drinks.

We both nod, feeling more shy now that we are just sitting on the porch.

Laura returns with our drinks. "Let's sit in the shade, it's too hot here," Cooper suggests.

"Ok," I reply then follow Cooper to the tree along the edge of the shooting range.

We both sit down, enjoying the lemonade and the cool shade of the large maple tree.

After a few minutes of silence, Cooper begins, "Dad said that the other Avengers adopted you too."

"Yeah, I have two moms and four dads."

"Whoa, that's crazy."

"Yeah, I can't get away with anything, ever."

Cooper laughs, "Sounds rough."

"It is sometimes. The worst part is when they do talk circles. When I'm bad, they make me sit on the couch and talk about it."

"Yeah, my parents do that too but it's usually just in my room." Cooper asks, "What was your dream about, you screamed like crazy."

Clint jumps in, saving me from answering his question. "Alright guys, come get cleaned up for lunch." I'm grateful for the interruption. I wonder if he did it on purpose or if I just got lucky.

Lila sits next to me, dominating my lunchtime conversation, eager for my attention since I spent the morning with Cooper. We are close to finishing lunch when the phone rings, reminding me of when Clint got the call about Lila's accident. Laura answers, "Hun, it's for you."

Since Laura didn't seem upset or immediately have bad news, I feel better knowing that it's not an emergency.

The conversation only lasts a few minutes but it sounds intense. Laura met Clint at the doorway, hesitating when she sees that Clint's brow is furrowed. Clint nods toward the living room so Laura follows. Cooper and I just look at each other while the adults talk quietly in the living room. I'm on alert, my body tensing, wondering what bad thing is going to happened next. Clint returns to the kitchen, "Hey Lila and Cooper, we need to talk to Jamie for a few minutes. Can you guys go play in your room?"

Cooper flashes me a worried look but complies, immediately going upstairs. I wonder if Lila also realizes it's something bad. "W-W-What's g-g-going on?" I stutter, scared. My body is trembling as anxiety and fear rip through me.

"The others are coming, we'll talk when they arrive."

I swallow hard, even more scared now that more of my parents need to come. My mind swirls thinking about the events of the past few days, _I don't think I did anything bad to be in trouble._

Laura and Clint sit on either side of me at the table, waiting with an awful dread in the pit of my stomach for our guests.


	89. Chapter 89

Chapter 89

It's only been a few minutes since the end of the call, but Dr. Strange's portal is already sparking. _Wow, it must really be bad if they are already here._ It quickly opens up, allowing Steve, Tony and Dr. Strange to come through.

"Why are you here? I wasn't bad. I promise."

"We know, baby girl, you're fine. We do need to talk though," Steve says, he tries to hide his own fear and anxiety behind a sad smile but I can feel it.

Steve roughly rubs his hand through his hair like he's trying to somehow contrive the best scenario for what he needs to say. "Can we move to the living room?"

"Yeah sure," Clint responds, keeping his hand on my shoulder guiding me to stand. _I don't know if he's trying to reassure me, calm me or keep me from running away to hide—maybe all of the above._

Clint whisper something to Laura who goes upstairs. _He doesn't want Laura here?_ Steve asks me to sit next to him on the couch. I cautiously comply, staying on the edge of my seat, my body visibly shaking from the suspense and the feelings radiating from them. Clint takes the seat on the other side of me while Tony sits on the coffee table directly in front of me. _Talk circle or trying to box me in?_

"Maybe we should go back to the compound," I suggest, afraid of freaking out around Cooper and Lila.

Steve shakes his head, "We're going to stay here."

"Why?"

Steve sighs, steeling himself to share the news. "About an hour ago, Cross escaped from prison."

 _Cross…_ Steve squeezes my shoulder to comfort and reassure me but it doesn't reach me.

 _Cross…I need to hide…he can't find me_ … _hide…_ I hear someone talking but I can't focus on them. ' _Are you allowed to move?'_

Something touches my arm. _No, no, no._ I curl up as small as I can get, covering my ears with my hands.

 _'_ _Are you allowed to move?' No, no, no. Kill her! Lizzy, no. Tripped over…Lizzy._

* * *

"Maybe we shouldn't have told her," Tony says looking at Jamie with concern, trying hard not to touch his daughter right now knowing how she reacts when she's scared.

"She would have known something was up," Steve responds, trying to convince himself that the choice to tell Jamie was for the best but feeling less confident in his decision.

Laura returns to the living room to check in with Clint but stops short seeing Jamie curled up and shaking. "She's not responding at all? Is that normal for her?"

Clint grimaces, "Unfortunately, yes. It's extreme but we've seen it a few times before."

"So, the compound isn't safe?" Laura asks still trying to grasp the seriousness of what's happened.

"She's safer here," Steve explains. "Cross has been able to get to her at the compound three times. I'm hoping, since so few people know about this place, that Jamie will be out of his reach. We will need to keep a very close eye on her so she doesn't leave."

"Leave, why would she leave?"

"Cross has a way of reaching into her mind and convincing her to leave our protection," Steve tries to explain, knowing there's no precedent for what Cross can do, nothing in normal experience to compare to help her understand.

Laura's silence surprises Clint, prompting him to look at his wife who is staring, stunned, with shock and fear in her eyes. Clint goes to her, standing in between Laura and Jamie so she has to look at him. When her eyes meet his, Clint offers a reassuring smile. "You and the kids may want to go to your parents' house," Clint suggests. "Jamie's not going to be handling this well and I know she doesn't want you and the kids to see her like this."

"Sure, yeah, whatever you think is best," Laura says, shaking herself out of a daze. She doesn't want to leave Jamie but wants to do whatever her daughter will feel most comfortable with. With only a brief hesitation, Laura leaves the room to call her parents to make plans to visit them. A short time later, Lila and Cooper are ushered to the car for an impromptu trip to grandma's house. Although they normally would be excited, both kids know something is wrong.

"Where's Nat and Bruce?" Clint probes for more information on what's already in the works.

"Nat is out looking for Cross and Bruce is correcting mind control that was used on the prison guards and other prisoners. It appears that some of the visitors were also affected. We also have some of the others out looking for him. I hate to leave her like this but I need to get out there too," Tony says then asks Dr. Strange to open a portal for him. Tony places a kiss on Jamie's forehead then leaves through the portal.

"Everyone's on it, we'll catch him," Steve reassures Clint, as well as trying to calm himself.

"I thought Tony and Nick developed a cell that could hold him."

"I thought so too. Nick is planning to come by later with more information. I wonder how Jamie will react," Steve comments, rubbing her head.

"Strange is still here?"

"Yeah. He put all of us in the mirror dimension, just in case Cross is able to sense where she is. We're not taking any chances. She has been hurt enough," Steve says, circling Jamie in a warm embrace, desperate to care for and protect his daughter.

"Jamie was having a good morning, spending time with Cooper. She really can't catch a break from all of this," Clint says then leaves to find Dr. Strange to get an update.

Steve continues to hold Jamie, stroking her hair, talking to her. Steve notices that Jamie is crying. "Baby girl, can you hear me?"

Jamie leans in toward Steve. Steve smiles, "You can, you can hear me. Jamie, you're safe. Dr. Strange put us in something called the mirror dimension. Cross can't get to you in here."

Jamie blinks a few times, listening.

"Laura took Lila, Cooper and Nathaniel to their grandparent's house so they won't see you struggling, ok?"

Jamie nods.

Steve smiles, excited that Jamie is responding. "I love you so much baby girl. We are doing everything that we can to catch Cross and keep you safe."

Clint reenters the room. "How's she doing?"

"She's responding some now, not with words yet but she's looking at me and nodding."

Clint kneels next to Jamie. "Can I hold you baby girl?"

Without a change in her features, Jamie nods so Clint picks his daughter up, holding her close to him while she lays her head on his shoulder, some tears still falling but the shaking has diminished some.

Tony returns after only an hour or so, anxious to check on his girl. "How's she doing?"

"A little better, she's starting to respond. She's in the living room with Clint."

Tony nods, unable to speak with the lump in his throat. When he calms he continues with his update, "We tracked down a few family members who visited with inmates who were affected as well as two delivery truck drivers. This guy is able to reach pretty far, further than we anticipated."

"We keep underestimating this guy," Steve remarks with a grimace.

Tony nods, "We also discovered that the person who was watching the compound the other day was one of the delivery guys from the prison but he only worked there for two days so it didn't show up on his work history."

"What about the people affected?"

"Bruce has been doing wide sweeps of the mind control reversal throughout the city. He's found several people who were affected but we aren't sure of everyone's connection so some of it may still have happened before he went to prison."

Steve nods taking in the information.

"We also have video surveillance that shows Cross's movement. I think we've tracked him to a warehouse."

"I don't get it. Why doesn't he try harder to disappear?" Steve questions, rubbing the back of his head.

"We outfitted the entire police department with the ear pieces which they've made mandatory equipment at least for now. The police chief ordered his people to take him dead or alive, we have the green light to end him."

"That's not what dead or alive means, Tony. If he gives himself up willingly then you have to take him alive," Steve tries to intervene.

"She's in danger again, Steve, again! Do you think he's ever going to stop trying to get her? Until Cross is dead, she will never be safe! I'm not willing to put her safety in jeopardy for that lowlife." Tony shouts, angry with Steve.

Crying is heard from the living room. Steve and Tony quickly move to check on Jamie.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know, she just started crying and shaking again," Clint replies.

Steve lets out a heavy sigh. "We think she has some empathic abilities, she probably felt our conversation," Steve says quietly to Tony.

Tony looks at Jamie, upset with himself. All he wants in this moment is to comfort her. "Jamie, I love you. I don't want you to be afraid. We are going to catch Cross. We're going to take care of him so he can't hurt you anymore." Tony kisses Jamie's cheek, running his fingers along the side of her head pushing stray hairs behind her ear. "Can I hold you?"

Jamie nods. Clint hands Jamie to Tony who takes her into his embrace, completely engulfing her in a sideways snuggle. Tony rests his forehead against Jamie's, knowing this is how her father would comfort her.

"Daddy," Jamie says in a small voice then curls up hiding her face on Tony's chest.

"I'm here baby girl. I'm going to keep you safe. I love you so much."

"I don't w-w-want to be h-h-hurt anymore. I-I d-d-don't w-w-want him to t-t-touch me or h-h-hit me," Jamie whimpers, her voice hitching and stuttering through her sobs. "Please, don't l-l-let him."

Tony is crying too, hearing Jamie's pleas to be protected from Cross. Steve and Clint are also disturbed, knowing exactly what happened to Jamie before by Cross's hands.

"I want to be a good girl, tell him I was a good girl, tell him I didn't move or talk, tell him, please!"

Tony holds tighter rubbing calming circles on her back, "Shhh, Shhh, Jamie, you're ok. He's not going to hurt you, baby girl. You're safe, he can't get you. Shhh, calm down."

Clint, Steve and Tony can see her spiraling again into a dark place.

"Jamie, you are at Clint's house. You played with Cooper this morning," Steve interjects, kneeling in front of her, trying to bring her back to the present.

"Yes, the three of us played catch together then you can Cooper played together," Clint says.

"Dad?"

"Yes, baby girl?" Clint says. Jamie leans closer to him so he takes her into his arms, bringing her close. Jamie clings tightly to him, crying.

Jamie whines, "I'm all messed up."

"I know baby girl. You're really scared right now. But, we're taking care of it. You are safe here with us. We aren't going to let anything happen to you."

"Ok." Jamie says through hitching sobs.

Tony, Clint and Steve are relieved that Jamie is calming down.

"How are you doing, kiddo?" Steve says, rubbing Jamie's back.

"Poppa, you're here too?"

"Yeah, we came to help protect you."

"You're going to protect me," Jamie visibly relaxes, confident that her parents will protect her.

They smile knowing that Jamie feels safer with them there warms their hearts.

* * *

"Daddy, how did he escape? I thought he was in a special prison."

"He was but we underestimated how manipulative he can be. We will need to make other arrangements so that we have more control over who goes into the building and where he is kept."

"Knock, knock." I hear Nick talking before I see him. I immediately tense, fear threatening to overtake me. Clint holds me tighter, sensing that I'm scared.

"Nick's here to help," Steve consoles me while Tony goes to meet him at the door. _No he's not._

"So here we are again. Got some good leads though. Any word from Nat or Bruce?" Nick asks, keeping his eye on me like he's a wolf watching his prey.

"Can I leave?" I beg not wanting to be around Nick.

"Sure, want to play catch outside?" Clint asks.

His suggestion takes me by surprise, normally when there's danger, I am stuck inside. "We can still go outside?"

"Yes, Dr. Strange has us in the mirror dimension so we are safe anywhere inside the bubble," Clint responds. I notice Nick's reaction, like he knows some secret joke. _He's just like….the man from the ice cream stand._

Nick apologizes with a sly grin, "Sorry, Jamie. I should know better than bring up details around you."

"You do know better," I say disrespectfully holding my dad's hand while leaving the house.

Clint looks from me to Nick to the others, alarmed by the exchange.

* * *

Once Jamie and Clint leave the room, Nick comments, "Ya know, I think you're right. She does seem to have some kind of empathic abilities."

"Did you try to mess with her on purpose?" Steve spits, angry with Nick's audacity.

"I wanted to see for myself. So yes," Nick says matter of fact.

"That's cruel. She has been scared out of her mind, then you show up, stirring the pot," Steve rebukes.

"Sorry, that was heartless of me."

"It doesn't take empathic abilities to know you're not really sorry," Steve refutes, still seething.

"Ok, ok. Can we move on to more pressing matters?" Nick tries to redirect.

"Fine, but don't mess with her like that again," Steve threatens, giving Nick an icy stare.

"Sorry Cap. Old habits." Nick says with a 'Can you really blame me for doing what I do best?' look.


	90. Chapter 90

Chapter 90

"Dad, something feels off with Nick," I say, staying close to Clint.

"Yeah? How so?"

"He's hiding something. Has Bruce checked him?"

"I'm sure Bruce has. I know he's not your favorite person but—"

"Something is off!" I interrupt, frustrated that I'm being talked down to, "I can feel it. It's not like all of the other times that Nick was at the compound. This is different. Please, talk to Bruce, make sure that he's been checked."

"Alright, I'll ask him. But, I'll have to leave the mirror dimension in order to call him. I'll get Steve to stay with you."

"Wait, if there is something going on with him, he will think something's up if you ask to talk to Steve. We need another way to get Steve out here to justify having you leave the mirror dimension."

"You're serious about this. You really think Nick has been influenced by Cross."

"Maybe. I feel something…something's wrong. He doesn't feel the same, something is jumbled, hidden. It's the same feeling I had with that guy at the ice cream stand."

Clint just looks at me, for forever, weighing the likelihood that I'm right, "Ok, we need a plan."

"Bruce will need to come under the pretense that I'm hurt or sick. Maybe I should cut myself or hit my arm so it might be broken."

"No, absolutely not!"

"Dad, I don't want Cross to get me again, please," I beg, desperate for him to let me do this. "I would rather have another cut or bruise to deal with than be str-str-strapped down and h-h-hurt again. Please, Dad."

Clint is visibly upset, roughly running his hand through this hair, he must realize that this really is the only way. "Dammit."

"Dad, he's watching. You have to act normal or you will tip him off. Wait until I'm hurt to be frantic."

"How are you so calm right now?"

"I'm with my dad," I remark with a slight smile. "And I'm not sure calm is the right word. Focused maybe."

Clint offers a smile, happy to hear that his presence helps. "Do you really think you can handle this?"

"Yes. I know Nick was the director of SHIELD and all but I think if we can keep the plan a secret, it will work. You need to make sure Bruce can take care of my injury and run the needed tests on Nick without him knowing. I think you should wait to tell Steve and Tony so they react the normal way. Maybe Bruce can run tests on me but also on Nick at the same time or something so having the equipment doesn't seem out of place."

"You keep this up and you'll be an Avenger one day," Clint says with a hint of pride. "Do you think you can act the part?"

"I can put myself into the part, it doesn't take much," I say sadly, knowing just how close I always am to a disaster. "Ready?"

Clint, still in shock over what I'm about to do, appeals, "No, wait…don't hurt yourself bad ok?"

"It needs to be bad enough to bring Bruce. Fortunately, you guys bring him for almost anything," I offer Clint a slight smile with my jab. "Ready now?"

"Jamie…"

"No! Stop!" I scream then run into the house, taking Clint by surprise. _Good, this needs to look real._

Clint follows after me, calling my name. I storm inside the house, running upstairs to my room, pushing the nightstand and cot in front of the door then close and lock the door to my bathroom. I rip the towel bar off of the wall and begin to beat myself with it as hard as I can _._

I pause for a moment to assess the damage. _Arghhh, it doesn't stand out enough_!

I'm almost out of time, Steve, Tony and Clint are already working to get into my bedroom and bathroom.

 _I need more._ After a brief glance around the small room, I spot a screw that was ripped from the wall along with the towel bar. _Perfect_ , I think then begin scraping it hard against my skin, all over the top of my legs. The blood is significant but I don't think I will need stitches. With my legs covered in bright red, I curl up under the pedestal sink. Pain shoots through my arm, when it bumps against my leg while crawling into place. The bruise is now swollen, a lot.

 _Now, think…the boy, 'Are you allowed to move?' Crack, crack, crack. 'You must have been very bad to need so many cuts.' Tripped over Lizzy. Lizzy dead. Mom…_

Steve finally gets into my bathroom with Tony and Clint right behind him. Taking his normal position when I am like this, he crouches low, showing me his palms indicating he's not going to hurt me.

Steve is clearly upset with what he finds in the bathroom, they all are. I made sure the scene was grizzly, coating my hands in the blood from my legs before covering my ears with my hands.

I'm not acting, this is as real as every other time that I've been scared. The self-injury was controlled but that's it.

"Jamie, you're safe, you're at Clint's house."

I shake my head, "No, no, no." I am truly terrified, especially with Nick watching from the other room. Clint tells Nick to back up into the hall so I don't see him. _Thanks, Dad_.

Clint whispers to Steve, "She's hurt pretty bad. I'm going to call Bruce. Her arm might be broken and she might need stitches." I can hear it in his voice, he's really upset about this. I'm not normally so aware when I'm scared but this time is different, I'm on alert. Cross feels like he's with me here in the form of Nick. The very idea intensifies my fear, my body shaking even more now with Clint gone, the only other person who knows that Nick's the current danger.

Steve inches closer, I curl up smaller, not wanting to be pulled from my safe spot, petrified to be anywhere near Nick. "I'm coming to get you," Steve says.

I start to cry, panicking. I furiously shake my head not wanting to leave the security of my corner.

"Can I hold you?" Steve asks.

I want him to hold me so bad but he doesn't know that I'm afraid of Nick, _what if he gives me to him like my dad did_. My body tenses, the shaking gets worse. Tony whispers to Steve, "Let me try."

Steve nods then backs away to let Tony come closer. Steve whispers to Nick. _No, please don't Steve._ I scream, a wild, feral scream, I have completely lost control of my body, my bladder. I wrap my arm around the pipes of the sink to make it harder for Nick to take me.

Tony notices that I am looking behind him so he follows my gaze, seeing Nick and Steve talking. "Honey, are you scared of Nick?" Tony says quietly so only I can hear.

I look over at Nick who isn't looking at me. I nod slightly, too afraid that he will see. Tony backs away slowly, "Nick will you wait for us in the living room, you are not someone she feels safe with and we really need to get her out from under the sink."

Nick looks at me, I feel it again, his desire to have me, the disgusting mixture of adoration and hatred. It's definitely Cross. Nick nods then leaves my line of sight.

I hear Bruce talking downstairs. I need to come out now, so he can get to work, but my body is paralyzed with fear. Tony moves back to his crouching position about four feet in front of me and asks, "Can I hold you?"

I nod, almost imperceptible but Tony notices so he reaches in for me and begins to pull me out. "Steve, put some towels down on the bed," Tony instructs.

Tony holds me cradling my head against his shoulder until the towels are on the bed then sits on my bed positioning me to sit me on his lap. My body is still shaking, the fear gripping me as long as Nick is here unchecked.

Bruce grimaces when he enters my room, pausing for a moment when he sees the blood on my legs and hands. "Hi baby girl," Bruce soothes, stroking the side of my face. "I'm going to take a look at your arm and legs, ok?"

I offer a slight nod. Bruce smiles.

"After I get you taken care of, I'm going to run the tests. You will pass out but we will take care of whatever we find, ok?"

I nod again, receiving Bruce's hidden message and reassurance.

Tony continues to hold me while Bruce does his exam. He starts with my arm using the portable x-ray to check for breaks. Fortunately, my arm doesn't appear to be broken but Bruce is concerned about a small chip. He looks over the cuts on my legs as well, none requiring stitches. He cleans my wounds then covers them with gauze due to the large area with cuts.

"Ok, Jamie. I'm going to run the tests now." Bruce connects the wire, I feel a sharp pain, then I am out.


	91. Chapter 91

Chapter 91

When I come to, everyone is sitting around me on the bed. "How are you feeling?" Clint says, rubbing my forehead, still visibly upset.

"Ok."

Tony smiles, "We got him. Cross did use the mind control on Nick, we fixed him and got the information we needed from him to find Cross. It's over."

"I am so impressed, Jamie," Nat says proudly. "You figured out that Nick was compromised, gathered the right amount of support and developed a plan. A crazy, dangerous, and…brave plan."

I look down, feeling bad that Clint is upset, "Dad, I'm sorry."

"You did what needed to be done. I don't like seeing you hurting, but it was the only way to pull this off."

Tony chuckles, lightly brushing my chin with his finger, "Remind me to remove the towel bars from your bathroom at the compound. You are way too resourceful."

"You said it's over. What if Cross gets out again? What if there are more people who are affected by him?"

Everyone looks at each other, trying to decide how much to say. Steve begins, "Cross is dead. He resisted arrest, used mind control on some of the officers so they took him out. As soon as he died, everyone who was affected by his mind control was released. There must need to be a connection with Cross directly. So…it's over, it's really over. Cross will never again be able to hurt you."

I start to cry, relieved. Tony pulls me into a hug. "We love you, baby girl."


	92. Chapter 92

-Epilogue-

-A few months later-

"The Physics lesson this morning was amazing," I comment while eating lunch.

"Yeah, it's so cool to see how Mr. Stark made the different parts of the training course," Peter jabbers shoving half of his sandwich into his mouth.

Tony chides, "Peter, really, you're going to choke then I will have to explain to Aunt May how I killed her nephew."

Through a mouthful of food, Peter incoherently apologizes, "Ah-ree, mih-er ahk."

I chuckle when Tony rolls his eyes at Peter's behavior. "'Sorry' won't cut it if you're dead."

Clint enters the room, "Hi kiddo, how was the science lesson?"

"Great. I want to watch you do the course again sometime Dad. Now that I know how some of it works, I want to watch it in action."

"So, you want to watch the course in action, not me?" Clint feigns hurt feelings. Bruce and Tony share a glance, giving each other a fist bump, proud to have made an impression on me through their lesson.

I laugh, "Aww, come on Dad, you know I share your love for shooting and think you're the most amazing superhero archer ever."

"Yeah, I do," Clint says while kissing my head, "And you're getting pretty good at it too."

Steve interrupts, "By the way, Jamie, Jen is coming this afternoon."

I growl, "Again, I just talked to her last week."

"You like when she comes," Nat says.

"Sometimes, but not today. She had me resume the desensitization trials. So, I'm mad at her."

"But that's going well too, we've already been able to take care of a few of the triggers," Steve rebuts.

"Humph, I'm still mad at her."

"Teenage drama!" Tony chuckles. "Well, you won't have to deal with it next week."

"What's next week?" Peter asks barely looking up from his third sandwich.

"Tony and Pepper are taking me to Europe to see castles. I'm really excited."

"Oh wow, that's really great Mr. Stark." Peter beams amazed and happy for me.

"Yeah, but, I think they're just trying to make me happy about them getting married and moving away."

"Jamie, we talked about this," Tony says patiently, with only a hint of frustration. "I will still be here every day because I will still work here, I will still be doing your homeschooling with Bruce, and you can come home with me whenever you want and hopefully often. We will have a bedroom set up for you just like at Clint's."

"Yeah, but I have softball practice and games most evenings. When will I have time?"

"You make time to go to Clint's."

"He's the coach!"

"Well, I plan to come to your games so you can come home with me after."

I sigh, "Ok. I really am happy for you, I just don't want things to change. I like being with you and everyone else too. I feel sad when one of you leaves."

Tony opens his arms for a hug, "I know what you mean. I will really miss being with you every evening too." Tony decides to broach the subject again, "Have you thought any more about whether you want Pepper to adopt you as well?"

Peter laughs, "How many parents will that be, like five?"

"Ugh, no, seven. Four dads and three moms."

Peter starts to choke on his sandwich, surprised by my unique family dynamics. "See Peter! You're going to choke and when Aunt May finds out it's your fault she's going to kill you!" Tony says raising his voice, playfully.

Peter chuckles, "You've got that right!"

Tony returns his attention to me while I process my feelings. "I was really touched by the gift she gave me. She seems to really like me," I say, running my fingers over the heart shaped locket.

Tony lightly tucks the stray strands of hair behind my ear while adding, "Yes, she loves you in fact and wants to be your mom."

I smile remembering the day that Pepper gave me the locket.

 _Right after the threat ended, we all went back to the compound where Pepper was anxiously waiting for me. As soon as I walked through Dr. Strange's portal, she grabbed me, pulling me into a tight hug—I had no idea that she felt so strongly about me. She was hysterical, all out sobbing. I was so surprised by her outburst that I froze. When she pulled away she looked at my arm and the streaks of blood showing through my gauze wrapped legs and started to yell at me then pulled me into a hug again sobbing. I looked over at Tony who, seeing the look on my face, finally stepped in to help Pepper. Then Pepper started to yell at him. "How could you let her do that?!"_

 _Nat looked at me and whispered, "How about I help you get a shower while the guys handle this?" I quickly nodded and snuck away to my room with Nat. After I washed up then put on clean clothes and fresh bandages, Nat checked to see if Pepper was calmer before bringing me out of the room._

 _When Pepper saw me, she started crying again but not as bad, "I'm so happy you're ok. I was so worried when Tony told me about Cross escaping then he filled me in on how he was stopped, what you had to do. Please don't ever scare me like that again." Pepper pulled me into another hug, "I love you so much."_

 _When she calmed down she pulled me over to the couch then pulled out a small giftwrapped box with a tiny bow. I looked at her then to my parents, surprised. Really, I wasn't even sure what I should do. Tony came over and sat on the coffee table in front of us and said with a big smile, "Go ahead and open it."_

 _I looked down at the box again then carefully pulled at the flaps releasing the tape. Under the wrapping was a white cardboard box with a small black case tucked inside. I opened the lid and gasped. Perched on an insert was the most beautiful silver locket, intricately decorated on the outside. I started to cry as soon as I opened the clasp. My family, Mom, Dad and Lizzy were on the left side and everyone from my new family including Pepper were on the right. I lightly touched the picture of Mom, Dad and Lizzy; the first time that I've seen them since the day they died. I was overwhelmed with both grief over the loss of my family and happiness that there were so many people who loved me. Tony lightly touched my arm while looking into my eyes with concern, "Are you alright, baby girl?"_

 _I nodded, not immediately looking up from the pictures, afraid that they would disappear if I looked away. Then, I erupted into Tony's arms, crying. "I love it, thank you!" Turning my head, I saw Pepper watching me with a smile, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Thank you, Pepper. It's perfect!"_

 _While still holding me with one arm wrapped around me, Tony pulled the necklace out of the box then turned the locket around revealing a caption scripted on the back, 'Our Baby Girl.' I smiled, loving the nickname that I'd been given, loving that they all saw me as theirs. Tony excitedly told me about the interface with FRIDAY that he added to the necklace and demonstrated how to work it. I was shocked to learn that I would be able to contact any of my parents through FRIDAY and call the suit that he made for me if I'm ever in trouble. Tony smiles, "Can I help put it on?"_

 _I nodded then turned around so Tony could work the necklace's clasp. "I made the necklace part so it's actually very strong, not like most necklaces."_

 _I couldn't stop looking at the locket. I felt so loved and cherished, I felt like I really belonged with my new family, and appreciated that they honored my Mom, Dad and Lizzy._

I smile, "Yeah, I think I would like her to be my mom too. What's one more, right?"

I look over at Clint and Steve, "Are we still on for the Yankee's game tonight?"

"Absolutely and Bruce, Tony and Nat are coming this time too as well as Laura and the kids," Clint beams, just as excited as I am to have a family outing to a baseball game.

"Sweet!" I boom, excited to have everyone there. "Hey, can Peter come too?"

Peter looks over at Tony and Clint hopefully, "Sure, we have the entire box so anyone who wants can go."

"Daddy, you should ask Pepper to come."

"Sure, I bet she would love that."

"I love when we get to hang out as a family."

Everyone nods.

Tony kisses my forehead and says, "Thanks to you, we are one big happy family now."

 **A/N**

 **Thank you for coming along on this journey with me. I loved writing this story and am working on the next one that follows Jamie in the same AU. Please check it out. Follow me so you get the heads up when it's posted.**


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